An intelligent mind acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.

Proverbs 18:15 (RSV)

If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t.
 Emerson M. Pugh

It is only fitting that as we near Thanksgiving, we reflect on some of the things for which we are grateful. Truthfully, we all could spend exhaustive hours recalling all the things for which we are grateful. I will not go down my lengthy list, but I will highlight a few things in the next couple of days for which I am grateful.

We have been created with inquisitive and curious minds. We humans have a brain potential that even neurobiologists have, by their own admission, not even really scratched the surface on regarding its abilities and its flexibility. For instance, that phenomenon whereby if we lose a sense, such as sight, other senses increase, is demonstrably true. The “real estate” of the brain becomes flexible when the space for one sense diminishes. Other senses can use up the space now not used by the damaged sense.  This is just one amazing adaptation of the brain which is made to give us maximum production.

I think then too of the problem solving that we do as humans. We have many problems to solve, to be sure, the most urgent it seems is the COVID-19 problem. Yet, as I write this, several vaccines are ready to come on line, perhaps as early as December for certain segments of the population. This has been done with comparative lightning speed given the normal requirements for developing vaccines.

If we put our minds to it, we can solve significant problems in our world. A relatively recent one is the problem of “acid rain”.  We remember that in the 1970’s and 1980’s alarms began to go off in the scientific community about how pollution was causing build-up of Sulfur and Nitrogen compounds in the atmosphere which fell to earth in rain and snow as acids (weak versions of sulfuric and nitric acids). These acids caused harm to the environment, and global action was called for. After research and legislation worked hand-in-hand together to solve the problem, we have dramatically reduced the presence of “acid rain” in the global environment.

I am thankful for such brilliance and determination in how people worked together to solve problems. Amazing things can be accomplished if we decide to work together and use that brain potential that God gives us.

God gives us the brain potential, and He also gives us free will. That will to cooperate for the common good is the one we need work on.

Prayer: Father, you have given us marvelous gifts, and also free will. Help us use both for your glory and our good, Amen.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

Ephesians 5:25

We are three-part beings, physical, spiritual. In relationships, we need to connect with our significant partners on all three levels to have a complete relationship. One of the typical homework assignments that I give to my couples is the “3 Questions”. This is a very basic formula for communication, but sometimes, just having a “formula” for communication helps. So, I break it down to a basic homework, and it looks like this.

Take a designated, intentional time to connect with one another. Say it is at 7:30PM (it is anytime that works well for the couple). During that time, disruptions should be eliminated as well as possible. With young children, this is more challenging, but it is possible with some planning, usually. During this time, the couple is to use these three questions to connect with one another on a spiritual and emotional level. The questions are: “What is the best thing that happened today?” We want to start out with positive energy, and it is good to begin with an enjoyable feeling or encounter. Each partner shares this, and then we move on to the next question: “What was your biggest challenge today?” We always have something that is a challenge- a co-worker, the job, traffic, a chronic pain, whatever it might be. The couple shares on this for a bit, then finally, we end with a spiritual, positive question: “Where did you see God today?” This could be anything, even a small occurrence, but we need to recall it and share it to give it power and meaning.

Having shared these questions, the couple is connected a bit more, both emotionally and spiritually. I ask them to conclude with a brief time of holding hands and praying. It does not need to be “out loud” prayer, but the point is connecting in prayer with some physical, (holding hands), as well as spiritual connection.

In a nutshell, the couple has connected on all three human levels, perhaps in a space of just 15-20 minutes. If couples actually commit to doing this simple exercise regularly, they will be better connected.  I always give the caveat, do not say that you are going to do this, and then not do it. You will be worse off for having said it and NOT done it than never having discussed the process at all. If you say you are going to do this, then be a person of your word and do it. I believe that this works, because I have prescribed this for years and I have seen some very, very positive results.

It is just like anything else. It works if you work it!

Prayer: Father, you have wired us to be people of connection with one another and with you. Help us to honor that connection, Amen.

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.                                                                                  John 8:32

Denial : a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality

Merriam Webster Dictionary

As a counselor, I deal pretty regularly with people in denial of something. Actually, all of us live in some state of denial every day, otherwise, for example, we would never get behind the wheel of a car. In that particular case, we are in denial of the possible outcomes of getting into that car. Yes, the odds of getting into a bad accident are quite small, and that helps us to actively deny that such terrible consequences could befall us. In that case, denial actually helps us to live our life since a decision to never get into a car would significantly cramp our lifestyle. So, we take the odds. Besides, we can lower our odds of an accident by being careful, defensive drivers, and not drinking before driving, etc.

Now, the denial of COVID-19 is another matter entirely. Yes, there are indeed people who deny the existence of this pandemic. Even people who have been treated in the hospital for the illness have been known to deny that COVID-19 is any worse than seasonal flu. That desire for denial of the disease and its potential dreadful consequences may come from the fear of loss of control, or a sense of helplessness. Even with masking and social distancing and other good hygiene, we are all subject to an attack from this invisible virus without much else to protect us until the vaccine comes along.

Maybe that is why some people shun masks too. They do not want to recognize that they are subject to a silent, invisible disease that makes us feel pretty helpless. So, denial allows us to reject the presence or the virulence of the disease. I tell my clients, some variants of denial look like, “If I don’t acknowledge it and don’t think about it, I will be fine”.

So, denial is part of our defense system. We all do it to some degree. I simply urge all of us to check our thinking on this. Denial by some people may potentially hurt a lot of people.

Prayer: Lord, we look to you for truth and healing. Indeed, the truth leads to healing, Amen.

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”                                                                                                                                                                                Matthew 22:37-40 (The Message)

I discussed in yesterday’s blog about a situation when Jesus got angry. He was responding to the rigid religious leaders who had not been able to discern the Spirit of the law of God from the letter of the law. Failure to interpret what pleases God means that we have looked through the wrong lens in trying to see Him. Jesus was clear that the lens though which we must look for God is through love, not man-made rules of laws.

There are a lot of things that can get in the way of us seeing God and one another. We are made with an incredible nervous system, which includes certain neural pathways that are excited when we are stressed or when we perceive danger. These pathways are meant for our good and our protection. A few days ago, I spoke about the “fight, flight, freeze” phenomenon which comes into play when those neural pathways are aroused by a perceived threat. One of the interesting things about that process is that we are wired for survival, and those responses of how we see one another can be skewed if we feel threatened.

When we are in a hyperarousal state, we are inclined to see even neutral stimuli as negative or threatening. It comes as no surprise that in the current state of political and health-scare tensions, we may tend to see neutral stimuli as a threat. Hence, we are seeing some incredible over-reactions to what seems to be neutral, fact-based observations.

Such are some of the discussions that are taking place on social media, where even innocuous statements may feel inflammatory and in need of defensive response. We are all experiencing a hyperarousal state where we feel uncertain and fearful, even powerless. Unfortunately, sometimes that leads to responses that we normally might not make.

So, we acknowledge that we are all very stressed, and we are feeling threatened by things around us that are scary and confusing. The lens through which we must look is loving our neighbors as ourselves. Then we will be able to see more clearly how to proceed.

Prayer: Father, we are pressed on all sides with stress. Help us see through the stress in a loving manner, Amen.

 He looked them in the eye, one after another, angry now, furious at their hard-nosed religion. He said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” He held it out—it was as good as new!                                                                   Mark 3:5-6 (The Message)

We see in this passage from the gospel of Mark that Jesus got angry. I mean really angry! Why did Jesus get so angry? He was speaking up for someone who was being oppressed by religion. I cannot imagine anything that might get Jesus angrier than people who say that they are acting in his name, and then oppressing a person who needs help.   

So many people have been hurt by organized religion. Some religious leaders, acting in what they believe is truth, end up hurting the very people to whom they could or should be ministering.  

I see clients who have felt judged by the people that they trusted to help them. In the above scenario, the religious leaders of the day were offended that a man sought healing on the Sabbath. They were shocked that Jesus would break the Sabbath law to heal the crippled man. Jesus knew that the Sabbath had been made for man, not man for the Sabbath. The Spirit of the law overruled the letter of the law. Compassion overruled the sterile words which bound those leaders. The religious leaders could not see the deeper truth.

Yes, it takes discernment to determine what is the right thing to do. Helping people who are hurting, regardless of the surrounding will likely be the right thing to do. The fact that people were ready to deny healing to a hurting man on a technicality really riled Jesus.

So, getting angry on behalf of those who are hurting and being treated unjustly might be a good reason to get angry.

Prayer: Father, help us to see the deeper truth of your compassion to those who are hurting, Amen.

It has been exactly seven score and seventeen years since this wonderful piece of prose was entered into our national heritage. On November 19, 1863 President Abraham Lincoln delivered this incredible elegy to the fallen soldiers at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. As he said, it was also delivered to the living so that we can carry on in a Republic that feels fractured once again.

I reprint this beautiful speech with no further commentary…

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate — we cannot consecrate — we cannot hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Abraham Lincoln
November 19, 1863

Prayer: Amen!

God spoke: “Light!” And light appeared. God saw that light was good and separated light from dark. God named the light Day, he named the dark Night. It was evening, it was morning— Day One

Genesis 1:3-5 (The Message)

“Light breaks the power of darkness…”

Rev. Michael Slaughter

Recently I had the occasion to talk with a client who was experiencing increased anxiety and some mild depression. As we have discussed, I believe in the equation: anxiety + time = depression. Especially in this period of COVID depression, coupled with decreased light hours due to seasonal change, we have an unfortunate confluence of negative factors which can increase the level of emotional distress. Even the remedies we typically suggest, like increased contact with peers, volunteering, and exercise, may have been significantly curtailed by the pandemic.  

This particular client also had the misfortune of having a room with no windows. I suggested to him that one little thing he could do (and I typically suggest a series of “little things”) was to get some plants for his room. He was also to get some full spectrum lights (grow lights) which would help the plants thrive. The added benefit was that the lights could help him stave off the possible affects of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

The value of plants should not be underestimated. They give us something to nurture, however simple it may be. We get a sense of accomplishment when we can help sustain life, however insignificant it may seem, like a plant. Further, plants are living things. There is a symbolism, however subtle, in being surrounded by living things.

I have often spoken of the value of gardening and farming. Gardeners fully understand and appreciate the vagaries of weather, and the symbiotic relationship we have with nature and growing things. They, more than most people, understand dependence on things they cannot control, and acceptance of this precarious yet beautiful balance.

So, if you are feeling like you need something to perk you up in the coming winter, think about caring for some plants.

 It is good for the soul.   

Prayer: Father, thank you for the life around us, even the humble houseplants can bring joy and health, Amen

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.” Maya Angelou

Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, here’s what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; Snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you’re worth. God looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what he’s asked…                                                                                              I Peter 3:9-10 (The Message)

So today, let’s just have fun! I’m thinking about going back to favorite things that soothed us when we were kids. It is essential that we find ways to soothe ourselves when we experience stress. We learn this very early in life, and it is important that we learn to “self-soothe” as opposed to relying upon others give us that sense of peace and stress relief. Stress is ubiquitous, so it is important to learn the skill of finding a place, or an action, which gives us a sense of peace and security.

I was the youngest of four children, and I was the youngest by 6 years. Yes, I was the surprise at the end of the train for my parents- my dad was over forty, and my mom 39 years old when I was born. So, I had a lot of time alone as my older siblings had friends, and school and activities to occupy them while I was very young.  

I found that TV became a place of entertainment and companionship. Shows like “Uncle Al”, and cartoon shows like The Bugs Bunny Hour, The Flintstones, and family shows like Andy Griffith and the Beverly Hillbillies became sources of soothing for me. Later, thankfully, I found reading to be a great friend to me, and it still sustains me as a warm, soothing companion.

I find it interesting that some of the shows I loved as a kid have found an enduring place in the culture. Shows like Andy Griffith, Gilligan’s Island, The Flintstones, The Twilight Zone (and I could go on forever) are cultural icons which even young members of today’s society typically recognize readily.

My question to you is, what is it from the past that gives you that familiar soothing feeling? Think about that, and maybe share it with your kids (or grandkids). Maybe they will have a great laugh at your expense!

Prayer: Father, thank you for those little things that give us peace and joy, Amen.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.                                                                                                                                    Psalm 121:1-2

This was the verse of the day yesterday from my Bible app, and I thought that it was pretty timely. In these days (in my hemisphere) the daylight is getting much shorter, the weather is growing colder, and the scenes outside my window are drearier. COVID-19 is rampaging across the country, indeed, the entire world, and the political landscape is, let us say, “not helpful”. So, if one is simply looking around, there may not be a lot of encouragement.

However, if one looks up, there is actually real encouragement. Our outlook depends on our “uplook”. We typically will find what we expect, attitude wise. If we expect to find misery, we will certainly be able to find it. However, if we want to find encouragement, that takes a bit more work sometimes. Looking for the uplifting things is not often our “default” mode, especially when we are inundated with bad news.So, we need to be intentional in looking for positive things.

The Psalm writer here relates his experience with finding the positive, encouraging things. He lifts up his eyes to the mountains. He knows that if he keeps his head straight on, he will see what he always sees- pain and misery. But, if he takes the time and energy to lift up his eyes, he can see again that his help comes from the maker of those mountains he is looking at.

I sometimes tell my clients that they need to spend more time looking through the windshield than at the rearview mirror. Yes, we must, for safety reasons periodically look through that rearview mirror. However, most of our time, we need to concentrate on the road ahead of us.

Similarly, we need to be looking up to the mountains when things are looking grim straight ahead. It encourages us, and reminds us that our help is from the Maker of heaven and earth.

Prayer: Yes, Lord, you are the place where our help comes from. Give us reminders as we look for them for encouragement, Amen.

 ^“I thank my God every time I remember you”.                                                                                                        Philippians 1:3

Yesterday I talked about the effects of stress, specifically the burden that it places on our endocrine system, which responds with hormonal responses to the flight, fright or freeze process. We know that acute stress causes spikes in these hormonal responses with release of cortisol and adrenaline. Over a period of time, such reactions can cause some long-term physical and emotional problems.

Especially problematic is the presence of long-term, chronic stress, where the body gets fatigued with the repeated release of these chemicals which prepare us for acute responses. If the stress is prolonged, we can have some long-term physical problems. Unfortunately, many people in many professions are expected to always be vigilant, always in response mode. This leads to physical and emotional burn-out.

We get used to stress, and it becomes like normal. But it is not normal. We pay a price for such long-term stress. Indeed, human resilience can become adapted to incredible stresses. Physicians and emergency personnel who are “on call” become inured to vigilance as a way of life. Soldiers and police officers become accustomed to danger as a part of everyday life, and they sometimes do not even acknowledge the presence of constant fear. “It’s what we do”, they say.

Yes, it is what they do, and I thank them for it. I don’t know how long such persistence is possible. Clearly, like the law of economics, whatever we put off comes due with interest. We pay a high price (like interest charges) at a future time for the current stress we undergo.

We recognize that stress is an unavoidable part of life, but some have more chronic stress than others. Undo, unnatural stress over time comes with a cost. Validation of such sacrifice is important to society in order to support and encourage those who sacrifice for our safety and security every day.

So, for those who serve us in first line healthcare, for those police, fire, military and other emergency personnel. Thank you for what you do. You are paying a price, and we appreciate it!

Please try to take care of yourselves.

Prayer: Father, we lift up those who serve in such critical roles to serve their community. Bless them, and protect them, Amen.