So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.                                                                                                Isaiah 41:10

We are all pretty familiar with the “Fight or Flight” syndrome as a response to acute stress or danger. Our bodies react with stress hormones to prepare us for action to ward off or flee from danger. We also know that even after the initial danger is gone, it takes a while for the chemistry in our bodies to catch up. For individuals who are chronically exposed to such hormonal rushes, the body gets ravaged with the chemicals that are supposed to activate us for action. Such continual flushes of stress cause long-term damage, including blood pressure problems, chronic inflammatory response, and a host of endocrine problems that prematurely can age us. Not good.

There is a third option that we sometimes default to- freeze. Sometimes, we simply do not react at all. It is as if we are frozen in place, unable to move in any direction. We are unable, for just the shortest time, to fight or to flee. We are stunned to inaction, perhaps not willing to believe that such danger even exists. It is almost a denial of what is right before us. We can liken it to being in a minefield. There is simply no safe direction to go in, so we go nowhere.

I find that in retrospect, clients often chastise themselves for the action they took during the crisis. “I should have done this”, or “I wish I had done that”. The truth is, often there is no right answer at the instant of crisis. Soldiers and first responders train all the time to learn a “trained response” so as to increase chances of proper action. Thankfully, they are typically well prepared, “overtrained” as it were so that the right action comes almost automatically.

For those of us who are not specifically trained for regular encounters with traumatic stresses, we may be surprised with the actions that we take in such situations. I trust that such crisis stress responses are rare in your life. In the next few days, I will discuss chronic exposure to stress and the reactions that can happen.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us these remarkable bodily reactions for our safety. We are in awe of how we are made to respond, Amen.

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”                                                     Mother Teresa

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”.                                                                                                                        Haruki Murakami

Yesterday, I wrote about the healing power of volunteering, that is, serving others in some way. The paradox I discussed was that we can live a fuller, richer life by “giving our life” in the service of others. This is not a dramatic statement. One does not need to become Mother Teresa in order to live a richer life. However, we do become healthier and happier as we serve others in volunteering.

It is typical for me to give homework to clients that includes reaching out in service to others. This enhances self-esteem, and it makes my clients’ world just a little bigger than it used to be. The social interaction involved is important, and the sense of satisfaction is powerful. It helps to enhance meaning for many to step away from personal problems and enter the world of others who may be suffering in a different way.

Pain is universal, but the decision to suffer is optional. Murakami’s quote above outlines this principle. Part of the human experience is pain, both physical and emotional. Yet we can decide how to handle that pain. We can recognize it, but not give in to it. We can help transcend our current pain by deciding to alleviate the pain of others.

In his book Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, Phillip Yancey told a story of a group of displaced men in France after World War II. They were wandering streets, begging, stealing, and generally giving up on themselves. They were living meaningless lives of bare subsistence. Then a priest encountered them, and challenged them to live beyond themselves and see the suffering children all around them- children who were hungry, barefoot, and destitute. Some of the men were deeply shamed and decided to start caring for those even more desperate than themselves. That eventually started a ministry that served homeless children who had been displaced by the war. Those men found dignity and worth by reaching beyond their own pain and serving others.  

Obviously, not all volunteering decisions are as robust as that story, but the principle remains. Healing of our own needs and our own spirit is often started by serving the needs of others.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the capacity to help heal the hurts of others. Thank you for this plan, Amen.

Dear brothers, what’s the use of saying that you have faith and are Christians if you aren’t proving it by helping others? Will that kind of faith save anyone?                                                                                                      James 2:14 (Living Bible)

I saw a piece on the national news today that caught my interest. Since today is Veteran’s Day (but you’ll read this on November 12), the news was about a veteran’s group called Team Rubicon. The group was started by a veteran of the Iraq-Afghanistan deployment era, and he had served several tours in those war zones. Upon his last return, he decided for his family’s sake that he would not take another tour in those dangerous areas. His greatest fear, he said, was visions of his mother having to bury him. His father asked him to retire, and he did.

However, he had a void in his life, and he knew that other veterans would also. They were used to serving others, and upon retiring from active service, they would need to find a way to respond to that call in their life. So, he founded the group called Team Rubicon. This from the Team Rubicon website:

 Team Rubicon is an international disaster response nonprofit that unites the skills and experiences of military veterans with first responders to rapidly provide relief to communities in need. Founded in 2010 with the expressed goal of quickly responding to large-scale disasters, Team Rubicon has deployed thousands of volunteers across the United States and world to provide relief to communities in need.

These veterans were used to seeing areas devastated by the effects of war. Now they serve in areas devastated by hurricanes, floods, fires, and other natural disasters.

I was drawn to this story because the idea of serving others as a way to live out a missional call in life just resonates so well with my theology. The paradox of life is that we live our life fully by giving it away in service to others. Those veterans, having already put their lives on the line in service to their country are continuing that mission in this powerful way.

In the coming days, I will be sharing a few stories about volunteering as a healthy, and healing, lifestyle. I hope you join me.

Prayer: We are made to serve others in order to serve you. Thank you for that plan, Amen.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.                                                 John 15:13 (KJV)

“All gave some, some gave all”.

I saw recently a TED-X talk by a young man who had been grievously injured about 10 years ago by a drunk driver. The young man appeared with his aunt to tell a story of his incredible journey of recovery from a devastating traumatic brain injury. He had to learn literally everything over again- how to walk, how to talk, how to think- everything.

I was amazed by his courage and tenacity. He embodies the human spirit to live, even in the face of having lost everything. I was humbled by this young man’s story, and also that of his aunt, who stayed by him and encouraged him every inch of the way back.

We are made with an incredible capacity to survive. Our human spirit is patterned after our Creator. Stories such as this serve as reminders how amazing the spirit of life is.

Then as I began to write, I noticed the date this will be published- November 11. That happens to be Veteran’s Day. On this day we celebrate the heroes of this country who served in the Armed Services. It seems fitting that I recall a story of courage, tenacity and service on this particular day.

Thank you to all of the men and women who serve and have served this nation that we love. As the saying goes, “All gave some, some gave all”. This phrase was popularized, I understand, by a Korean War veteran.

It cannot have been said any better.  

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for the Spirit you have put inside of us, Amen.

^“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.  So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.                                                                                                                                Genesis 50:20-21

I call it The Redemptive Principle. The passage in Genesis 50:20 embodies the principle of redeeming something bad into something good. I use this often with couples to explain that, for example, a seemingly devastating problem in the relationship can actually become the start of a healing that never could have happened unless the traumatic problem had occurred. The relationship can be better than it ever could have been had the problems not occurred. We see this time and again, not just in relationships, but in tragic life events. Life altering suffering can work toward long-term good.

In the story of Joseph, had his brothers not treated him so badly- selling him into slavery after planning to murder him- he would not have been in the position of later saving them, and much of the Middle East area from starvation. Joseph himself had the presence of mind, and the influence of the Holy Spirit, to see the events in a larger panoramic. He saw that the evil actions of his brothers had been used by God for the salvation of many, including his nefarious brothers.

At the time of our trauma or tragedy we, of course, are unable to see the long-range arc of God’s redemption of those events. Much later, we can often look back and see God’s hand clearly in the process. Faith dictates that we anticipate that God has his hand on the process for his glory, and our good. This is hard to do. I tell my clients that I do not expect them to see this now. It would be unfair to burden them with this at the time of their pain and suffering. But I ask them to trust that there CAN be a greater outcome than ever could have been if the trauma had never happened. The relationship can be stronger than it ever could have been had the problems never occurred.

Naïve? Pie in the sky? No. I have seen this so many times that I am convinced of the truth of this principle. Yes, it takes time and perspective to see this principle come to fruition. Is it possible?

Yes!  If we allow such thinking, and we work in anticipation of that possibility.

Prayer: Your hand is at work in ways that we cannot understand, but we trust your provision for our ultimate good, Amen.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.                                                                                                                    Psalm 147:3

I typically employ Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with my clients as a preferred treatment modality. I also like Solution Focused techniques. I find these approaches to be both practical and effective. Indeed, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be the most effective treatment for a number of mental health diagnoses. While I like an eclectic approach, incorporating modalities to my own natural instincts, as well as the unique needs of the client, CBT appears to be a very practical, effective approach.

Sometimes, I need to challenge my clients with actions, and confront what appears to be avoidance of personal responsibility. Problem ownership and personal responsibility are important not only for the collective good of society, those principles are important for dealing with personal mental health problems.

That is why I remind clients at times that, while looking back in history for origins of certain problems can be important, it does not solve the problem. Starting from right now with the hard work of changing behaviors is the key to success. Feelings will improve as behaviors toward health are begun.

Please understand, I recognize the terrible pain and hardship of early trauma in life. Indeed, it can shape the way we see the world, and much trauma-affected thinking often needs to be changed. Unfortunately, many people have not had the wonderful supportive family of origin that many of us have had. Therefore, we recognize and honor past pain in life. However, we cannot live there, and that is the art of counseling- to hear and try to understand the pain of the past, and work toward the healing of the present and future.

Prayer: Father, give us wisdom and freedom as we work to heal the broken areas of our life, Amen.

“I always knew that deep down in every heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.

Nelson Mandela, (A Long Walk to Freedom)

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.                                     John 13:34-35

I’ve been listening to a podcast about the human brain, and it is fascinating. Once again, I am struck by the complexity and grand design of our body, and especially the brain. The author talks about use of the word “hardwiring” that is sometimes used in discussing brain function and he says that “livewiring” is a better word, because the brain is always compensating to adapt to circumstances in our life. I cannot go into all the amazing details, of course, but suffice it to say, it got me thinking about learning.

We are learning all the time. We are adjusting and compensating for the things that life throws at us. Our brain is constantly giving us sensory messages about our environment. We can also learn more important emotional skills to navigate this world so that we can become more of what God intended us to be- loving people. We are not born hating other people. That, unfortunately is learned.

When we continually use a certain part of our brain- when we “overlearn” something- it tends to endure and almost become second nature. It comes easily to us after much practice. So too with doing loving things. The more we practice loving behaviors, the more we feel love.

You know my mantra if you are a regular reader of this blog- DO, THEN FEEL. If we do something enough, we will feel like doing it. If I act lovingly, I begin to feel more loving.

So, that is what we are called to do. Learn to love better. That is what we were created to do.

Prayer: Father, you have made us to love one another. Help us to learn how to do that daily, Amen

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’
‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
‘I don’t much care where -‘ said Alice.
‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
‘- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,’ Alice added as an explanation.
‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint;
But happy is he who keeps the law                                                                                                                                  Proverbs 29:18

There are many dimensions of leadership, but I will close this discussion of leadership principles with the “vision of leadership”. Vision is an irreplaceable aspect of excellent leadership. A good leader has an idea of where the people, the organization, he/she leads must go in order to prosper and succeed. That leader can articulate those goals, give heart to people to follow that vision, and then do the hard work of leading toward those goals.

The problem often is that the goals are not seen by people, and they have trouble following the hard course set out by the visionary leader. It takes courage and tenacity for a good leader to move forward toward what he/she knows is the best course for the people he or she leads. The leader also models such leadership by discipline and steadfast movement toward achieving the lofty goals set forth.

This entails that the leader is acting in the best interest of the people led. This takes selfless courage, and discipline. These attributes are hard to find, but if you have had the blessing of being under such leadership, you feel secure and satisfied that you are on a powerful mission- one that is worth the sacrifices you must make. The mission has become more important than personal gratification, and that is what gives our lives meaning and value.

Yes, we are all headed in a direction. If, like Alice above, that direction does not matter, leadership does not matter. But if we want a clear and meaningful direction, a mission, we need strong, courageous, visionary leadership.  

Prayer: Father, thank you for strong, courageous leaders whom you have put into our lives. Give us courage and strength to move toward the lofty goals of serving your creation, Amen.

After this a lot of his disciples left. They no longer wanted to be associated with him. Then Jesus gave the Twelve their chance: “Do you also want to leave?”

 Peter replied, “Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We’ve already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.”

John 6:66-69 (The Message)

There is a now famous saying that President Harry S. Truman had on a little plaque on his desk- “The Buck Stops Here”. The saying is perhaps a bit trite nowadays, but the principle is still relevant. Back in those days, the early 1950’s, the idea resonated bit more than it does today. We had just come through the great conflict of World War II, and military type thinking was still much more accepted. Radical responsibility said that the leader took full ownership of anything that happened under his/her watch. If there was a mishap, a failure, a problem, the leader took responsibility for it, even if the specifics of the problem were not directly attributable to the leader.

President Truman had to make some very difficult decisions. He had to decide upon dropping the atomic bomb on Japan. He had to decide proper actions on a national steel strike. He had to decide on firing General Douglas MacArthur when MacArthur defied orders. Truman made some important, and often unpopular decisions, but he owned them and accepted the consequences.  

Perhaps this is harsh, but it points out the ultimate nature of responsibility. The leader does not get to blame underlings or others for failures that happen on his/her watch. Blame is not projected onto others, and the leader cannot act like a victim. Real leaders accept that they are ultimately responsible for the organization they lead and, by extension, the lives of those people in that organization.

People can follow a leader whom they trust. People can trust leaders who accept responsibility, and those who own the consequences of their decisions. Casting blame onto others for failures is not an option. Yes, leadership is hard, and often unfair. But that is the cost of leadership.

Prayer: As Peter replied to Jesus, you are the only leader who has the words of life. Help us follow, Amen.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.                                                                                                            Philippians 2:5-8 (The Message)

I have been a student of leadership principles for a number of years, and I will be sharing some of these elements of leadership in the next few blogs. I have always believed that humility is a fundamental character trait for leadership, and I was gratified to see that Doris Kearns Goodwin, a giant of scholarship, agrees with that principle. When I teach, I use various historic world leaders to amplify that point, and one I always use is George Washington.

Washington was a unique leader. After having led the Continental Army to victory over the British in the Revolutionary War, he went to Congress and turned over his sword to them, yielding to the authority of that elected body. Remember, at that time, the only tangible power that existed in the newborn country (indeed, at this point, we did not even have a Constitution) was the standing army. He led that army, and he turned over the power of that force to the civil government.

The rest of the world was astounded at this gesture. Military leaders of that era could be expected to simply assert their military might into ruling the country they represented. Washington gave an example of the principle of submission to civil authority. The rule of law would supersede the rule of might.

What does a great leader do with his/her power? They use it for the good of the people they lead. They empower others to act rightly for the common good. The paradox is that great leaders find a way to give away power responsibly- not hoard it for themselves. In this way, real authority is exercised, not just the flaunting of raw power.

When Jesus humbled himself to come to the earth as a baby, he exemplified this principle in the most dramatic fashion.

Great leaders give themselves away to serve those whom they lead.  

Prayer: Thank you Father for the example of servanthood as true leadership, Amen.