Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.                            Proverbs 22:6

Over the years of my practice, I have seen numerous instances where my client has related that they were not affirmed by their parents. This takes many forms- from outright abuse, to neglect, to simple failure to nurture the dreams of their children.

Again, I am not one to push onto parents all the failures in adulthood that my clients face. We are all aware that even with childhoods that were less than perfect, we still have the choices and opportunities to become successful adults. Of course, clients who have had the trauma of abuse have a terrible burden to overcome, but indeed, many of my clients have overcome in spectacular ways.

However, parents need to recognize that their children have dreams, and often the talent and ambition to back that up. Our job as parents is to help identify those dreams and talents of our children and nurture them any way that we can. Just letting a child know that he/she can achieve their dreams, no matter what they are, is a huge encouragement. It says, “I believe in you!”

Kids look to their parents for validation, in some form, their whole life. Let’s make sure that they do not feel that they have to work hard for our love and affirmation. Just like God loves us right where we are (and He does), we need to clearly convey that to our children regularly. We need to express to them verbally and non-verbally that they can reach their dreams, and that we believe in them.

Prayer: Lord, help us to identify the dreams and gifts of our children and the next generations, and to nurture those dreams, Amen

Oh, how grateful and thankful I am to the Lord because he is so good. I will sing praise to the name of the Lord who is above all lords                                                                                                        Psalm 7:17

Quick word today. Grateful. Grateful for the little things and the big things. The little things- the hummingbirds have found my feeder late in the year and they are a joy to watch. I have learned to navigate the process to get my baseball tickets online in a reasonable amount of time. Most people have figured this out long before me, but I am getting there.

The big things- too numerous to name, but some are- my incredible wife and family; the health to be able to walk 5+ miles per day as part of my exercise routine, and to be able to cut the grass and enjoy it.

I mean there are so many things to be grateful for, I could spend the rest of this blog enumerating them, but you get the idea. I am blessed, and I know it.

Prayer: Lord, I simply recognize that you are the giver of good gifts, ones I do not deserve but enjoy, Amen

Please enjoy this reprint of a reflection from July, 2020, with apologies to Alfred E. Neuman, renowned author of the above quote…

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.                                                                                                                                     Matthew 6:34

We all tend to speculate on the future. It is natural to do that. We plan, we dream, we hope that tomorrow is a better day.  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that we need not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will take care of itself. It will unfold no matter what we do. He basically said, stay in the present and don’t borrow against tomorrow’s possible problems.

When we have high anxiety, we want certainty and control. Anxiety does not like surprises, so we try to predict how tomorrow will be. The problem is that people who have high anxiety almost always predict that tomorrow will bring a terrible thing somehow. They brace themselves, I think with the concept, “expect the worst, hope for the best”. At least that way, they have some preparation for that future problem- they are prepared for it.

It is understandable to try to control everything we can. We even try to predict the future to prepare ourselves for possible pain. Of course, one of the problems with this thinking is that we rob ourselves of present joy- of living in the moment.

So, I think that we should control what we can control, recognize what we cannot control, and pray about the rest. In that same sermon, Jesus said this:  

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

I think these words, if we can really follow them, can help with anxious thinking. If we believe that God takes care of his lower forms of creation, surely he will care for us.

Prayer: Father, we trust your provision for us. The future is yours, our future is in your hands, Amen

However, Christ has given each of us special abilities—whatever he wants us to have out of his rich storehouse of gifts.                                                                                                                    Ephesians 4:7 (Living Bible)

I was recently speaking with a client about a quote from Michelangelo – “I created a vision of David in my mind and simply carved away everything that was not David.” I so liked this quote because it was at once an indication of his humility and his creative imagination. What an amazing way to conceptualize the genius that God had given to him!

God gives us talents and gifts and our job is to give them back to him. We do that by benefitting the world with those gifts, recognizing that they are not ours, but simply gifts that we are entrusted as stewards.

No matter what gifts or abilities we have, our job is to develop them, then use them for the benefit for those whom we serve. I think this is how we can best honor God. By giving back to Him, through the service to others, the full manifestation of the gifts that we have been given. Yes, we are often compensated by others for those gifts, but we must always recognize where those gifts came from, and use them accordingly.

Prayer: Lord, we gratefully recognize that we all have been given gifts given by the Creator, Amen.

Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds                             Luke 12:24

As I have mentioned before, I feed birds- and secondarily squirrels, chipmunks, raccoons, ducks, and possibly a whole phylum of animals. Who knows who eats in my yard? The point is, I find it to be fun and entertaining to feed God’s creatures. It makes me think of the fact that they have no idea where the food comes from, they just know to show up and eat it.

In some ways, we eat off the land too. The process of how food comes about – the intricate chemistry of photosynthesis, the habits of the animals that we eventually consume as protein, are in many ways still unknown to us. Yes, we can produce crops, raise domestic animals, and even hunt wild animals for food, but the intricacies of nutrition are still being uncovered by humans.

So, I take the provision of my daily sustenance, my “daily bread” if you will, as being produced by God in ways that I do not fully understand. That is what sort of levels the playing field for me with the animals I feed. We are all simply grateful consumers in many ways!

Prayer: Lord, you provide for your creation in marvelous ways, Amen

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.               Colossians 4:6

I recently met with a couple who have trouble communicating without talking over one another and becoming defensive. They love one another, but they both have a seemingly urgent need to get their point across, and this leads to arguments, hurt and distance. They hold resentments for several reasons, but part of that is feeling disrespected and not heard by the other.

I have observed this over the sessions we have had, and I have suggested that they write one another letters. When they are talking, they are too busy formulating their responses and defensive stances. They fail to hear one another. Also, in the heat of the discussion, emotions overcome cognition, and the discussion becomes much more emotional than rational. Neither feels heard, and each ends up frustrated and angry. We then have a full circle of failed communication.

I suggested that they write letters to one another to articulate their point of view. Writing “slows the train down” to the point that each one can put forth a more compelling, rational viewpoint. Each have reasonable point to be expressed, but that gets lost in the heat of the moment. Excess energy produces both light and heat. I suggested that they need more light than heat when they are communicating.

So, maybe because it is because I am a writer that I like this form of communication. Writing out a letter to the other person allows us to get better control of our emotions, and gives us the luxury of editing the final product. When we have gone over exactly what we want to say, we can deliver it to the other, and let them marinate a bit on the response before formulating a defensive retort.  

I understand that we cannot always write out what we want to say, but slowing down the process allows us to have a more reasoned, and often more compassionate response rather than a “shoot from the hip” response that may be harsher than we intend.  

Prayer: Lord, help us to take the time to truly hear one another, Amen

“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.” Psalm 46:10

I often give homework to clients that involves taking a few moments during the day for some self-awareness. Just take the time to be still and reflect. It begins by taking control of breathing – inhale 4 seconds through the nose, hold the breath about 4-5 seconds, and exhale slowly through the mouth for 8 or 9 seconds. Do this several times until you feel relaxed, having expelled more of the carbon dioxide which has built up.

Then, just think about how you are feeling at that moment. Be honest with yourself, you need not share it with anyone else if you don’t want to. Become aware of the feelings you may have. Are they negative feelings in the moment? Angry, scared, hurt, sad, frustrated? etc.

Then just accept that those are real feelings in the moment. Perhaps you feel none of those things. Maybe you are feeling happy, grateful, excited, loving. Just be in touch with what is happening at the moment.

Then decide, “what do I want to do with that feeling?” Do I want to record it like a journal entry?  Do I simply want to be aware of my current state and accept it? Is there something that I could/should do with such a feeling?

Just the honest awareness of our current state is healing. There may or may not be anything that one can do at that moment, but the honest reflection allows us to feel control of our current state. That alone is a healing moment.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the gift of presence and self-awareness, Amen

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’                                       Luke 10:27

Our pastor gave an excellent sermon yesterday about reason and faith. His point was that God expects us to pursue Him with our whole selves – with our heart, with our soul, with our strength and with our mind. I do not think that blind faith honors God. He asks us to use the entirety of ourselves to seek him, including our questioning and even doubting minds. Indeed, without doubt, there is no need for faith.

Our pastor pointed out that loving God with all our strength is embodied by loving and serving others. The founder of Methodism, John Wesley, came from a university setting, Oxford in England, home of many great scholars. The idea that we can embrace knowing God with our minds and our reason is an especially pleasing concept to me. The God of creation is the God of science- he created it too, by making humans curious and sentient.

We pursue God in every way, and we are blessed by the pursuit.  

Prayer: Lord, we are blessed with creative and curious minds that seek you in all ways, Amen

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens                                                                         Ecclesiastes 3:1

This week, many kids are returning to school. Yes, it is the middle of August, but school beckons, whether children are ready or not. Of course, back in the Dark Ages when I attended school, summer recess was over the day after Labor Day. We returned to school that Tuesday, and the rhythm of life that is the school year had begun.

The school calendar rhythm stays with us long after our school days. We often tend to see September as the start of new programs, new routines, etc. Then the Fall activities come into play and we are reassured of the routines of life that silently guide us.

So, my friends, welcome again to the reassuring routines of the “school year”. There is a season for everything, and this Fall season is upon us, despite August weather, heat and some lingering vacations. Let’s gear up for another “school year”, knowing that football, Thanksgiving, and the Holiday season cannot be far behind!

P.S for some Americans who are anticipating this seasonal event too- pumpkin spice season is coming close! 😊

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for your seasons of life, and seasons of the year, Amen

 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.     Philippians 2:3-4

I first became aware of Buck O’Neil when I watched the marvelous Ken Burns series on PBS about the grand game of baseball. Buck O’Neil was a Negro League player and manager, and he became the first African-American coach in Major League Baseball in the 1960’s with the Chicago Cubs.

He should have been inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2006 with other Negro League greats, but instead, he gave a powerful speech about the inductees without any reference to his own snub. Buck O’Neil was able to celebrate the success of others with grace and joy.

He had his own credentials for induction, and finally received that honor later – much overdue. It is very sad to me when people do not get to experience the joy of being rightly honored in their lifetime. How might he have felt if he had been able to stand at the dais and make the acceptance speech for his own induction?

Yet, he loved the opportunity to see those whom he helped to prosper. He helped to establish the Negro League Hall of Fame in Kansas City, a shrine I visited a few years ago.

Buck O’Neil, a victim of Jim Crow racism found a way to overcome hatred with love of others. I think he embodies Paul’s words in Philippians above. Buck O’Neil loved his God and fellow man. That is the best tribute one can have.

We love you Buck O’Neil!

Highlight, then click on this link below to see the great speech and warm embrace he gave to the crowd in 2006…

 The Greatest Thing – YouTube