For I cried to him and he answered me! He freed me from all my fears.  Others too were radiant at what he did for them. Theirs was no downcast look of rejection!  This poor man cried to the Lord—and the Lord heard him and saved him out of his troubles.  For the Angel of the Lord guards and rescues all who reverence him.                                          Psalm 34:4-7

You’re walking over a bridge, feeling fine, no particular worries on your mid that you are aware of, and you are seized with the thought that you might just have this uncontrollable urge to jump. You don’t want to jump. In fact, you are scared to death by the idea of jumping over that rail. So you ask yourself, “Why did I have that feeling? Is there something wrong with me? I better never let anyone know that I had that fleeting thought!”

And such is the nature of some manifestations of anxiety. It makes no sense. Indeed, anxiety is defined as irrational fears. Worry is one thing. It usually has a focus of something in our lives that is a fear, a concern- maybe fear that we will lose our job, so that we can’t pay those upcoming bills. Anxiety takes that worry to the exponential level. The worry about losing a job goes to “I’m going to become homeless”.

I have spoken with a number of clients who deal with anxiety, and often they had never shared that they have some of those weird thoughts. Like those bridge thoughts, or even others just as frightening. It scares them, and they think that they are mentally ill, maybe even evil. Anxiety has seized their rational thinking at that point. When they are able to express those dark thoughts to a trusted person, anxiety is lessened- sometimes to a great extent. Getting in touch with truth does set us free.

We are beset by things we do not understand. I don’t know why anxiety is a self-destructive presence in our lives, but it is. It is almost like it has a life of its own. As I have stated before, it becomes an unwanted traveling partner.

So, getting those thoughts out of our head and into a safer space is therapeutic. The truth does set us free!

Prayer: Lord, you have promised that we can trust you with our fears and worries. Thank you for that reassurance, Amen

Love and truth form a good leader; sound leadership is founded on loving integrity                             Proverbs 20:28 (The Message)

I recently spoke with a young man who was asking about leadership, and the best ways to be a leader to his young family. I appreciate the heart of this young man, and we discussed his temperament, and the need to be genuine to who he is, and not try to assume a type of leadership role that is not congruent with who he is. Leaders come in all types of styles, and his job is to lead with integrity based on who he is.

I further talked to him about the basic decision that leaders need to make. It is based upon the question, “For whose benefit is this?” Leaders make decisions based upon the needs of their family, not primarily their own desires.

Finally, I spoke with him about his own disciplines. I told him that one cannot lead others without leading themselves. In other words, a person has to be able to make good personal decisions about their own health, their emotional state and their spiritual state before they are fit to lead others.

The fact that he asked this question shows me that this young man is going to be a fine leader. I am happy to see that.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to be the leaders you would have us to be in our family, Amen

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?                                                     Matthew 6:25-27

It was a bit of a lazy day in my part of the world today. I spent a good deal of time by my pond reading, and just watching my goldfish. It was really too hot to do much else.  My fish is a mutt goldfish who has inhabited this pond for at least 8 years. I think the fish, Hardy, is living his/her best life. She is unconcerned with anything as she has no predators (it appears). She happily munches bits of algae and plant aerators for her food, and swims blithely under a refreshing waterfall when she gets a little bored.  

I began to think about the passage cited above, and how we tend to worry about money. I truly understand that many people do not have enough money to subsist adequately, and of course this is no indictment of them.

I do recall early in my own marriage with a young family that we did indeed live paycheck to paycheck. Worry about money was always some part of the picture, but it did not consume my mind.

When I was a kid, our family lived modestly and there was not much extra money to be had. However, we were never really in want, and there did not seem to be a great deal of anxiety about it. Then again, I was a kid, and my parents probably did worry more than I realized.

However, there are many people in our culture who have more than adequate amounts of money. And they still devote their life to getting more. They spend much of their time and energy trying to amass wealth. Much more. Consequently, they cannot have that simple joy of trusting in Jesus for provision. I think that perhaps they do not have the peace that Jesus talked about in just living a simple life.

When John D. Rockefeller was asked “How much money does it take to make a man happy?” His response, “just a little bit more”.

I am thankful for God’s provision. It is enough.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for taking care of our needs, Amen

Come, see the glorious things God has done. What marvelous miracles happen to his people! Psalm 66:5

I got to thinking about miracles the other day, and it occurred to me that miracles are so commonplace, we do not seem to label them as miracles. When Jesus walked on the water, or fed the 5,000, or even when he arose from the dead, they were miracles of the order of the “known”. That is, those miracles could be witnessed by others, and noted as unexplainable by the common knowledge of the time.

We, in the 21^st century, are aware that there are unexplainable phenomena around us at every moment. Physicists cannot explain dark matter, for instance, while at the same time conjecturing that it may make up more of the universe than the matter that we can now measure. Or, take for example the subatomic particles that are linked in their spin, in “quantum entanglement,” even if they are separated by an entire galaxy of distance. Einstein called this “spooky action at a distance”.

Even more basic miracles are actions in our bodies that still defy explanation. Often such things can be observed but not explained. Examples are spontaneous remission of some disease, or phantom limb pain after amputation, or a host of functions still not fully understood.

Photosynthesis, the very chemical reaction that gives life on earth would, in my opinion, be classified as a miracle. Yes, the chemistry can be explained, but how did it come about? Must have been a Creator who had an amazing plan.

There are many other examples, but my point is this- we can accept these everyday occurrences as part of our life, yet they are indeed miracles. Therefore, I am much more at peace seeing the miracles of Jesus, even a miracle like incarnation, as just part of a world of…miracles.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be mindful that we live amidst miracles all the time, Amen

 In the same way, urge the young men to behave carefully, taking life seriously. And here you yourself must be an example to them of good deeds of every kind. Let everything you do reflect your love of the truth and the fact that you are in dead earnest about it.                                                  Titus 2:6-8 (Living Bible)

It was my privilege to recently meet with a young man who is relatively new to the counseling field. He had sought me out because he would like to have some mentoring from an older man in the field.  I applauded his decision to seek out mentoring as he begins his foray into the field of marriage and family counseling.

I encouraged this young man that he had already shown a large degree of wisdom as he seeks out older people in the field. Humility is the beginning of wisdom. That is, knowing that there is always room for growth, that we constantly need to seek wisdom beyond our own narrow scope of vision, is wisdom in and of itself.

So, I am encouraged by this young man. Those of us who are mature in our career field, whatever it might be, are obliged to pass on what we have learned- our mistakes as well as our successes.

So, I encourage my readers, take time to share your wisdom with younger people. In doing so, we gain as we share.

Prayer: Thank you, Lord for the plan of passing on our blessings to others, Amen

So, I want men everywhere to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from sin and anger and resentment.                                                                                                                                       I Timothy 2:8

Resentments can start as small irritations. These irritations may grow slowly, insidiously, and if left unattended, can grow into resentments. Being aware of such thoughts and feelings can give us a sort of “early warning system” to deal with such issues before they become unmanageable.

I recently had a discussion with a client about her resentments. She said that periodically, she has a flare-up of resentment toward her son-in-law, who had hurt her daughter emotionally some years ago. She says that this is a burden she is tired of carrying. I recognized that this is an understandable response, but the fact that it bothers her says that she has not really given it up.  Perhaps she wants to dredge this up periodically in order to feel some control of her emotions. If she hangs onto it, she can drag it up at times to give vent to her “justified anger”. She has reserved the right to hold onto this resentment because she is “entitled to it”.  

All of this rang true to her. We discussed that perhaps considering the idea of giving up control of this entitled feeling- justified as it feels at times- might work to her benefit. She agreed that this is a matter of control. Could she give this to God, to control something that she cannot control anyway? Might this be a good idea?

She thinks so. I agree.  

It is not easy to give up resentments. Resentments linger because we feel entitled to them. Giving up control of those resentments to God is a process, but it is also a decision we need to make. Can God handle it better than we can? Do we feel freer when we give these things to God so that he can handle them.

Yes, and yes.

Prayer: Lord, help us to look at resentments we hold, and give them to you, Amen.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.                                                                   Proverbs 4:23

I recently spoke with a client about some of his strengths, including his empathy and self-awareness. As usual, this client did not see these attributes as strengths, but rather as his “Achilles Heel”. As we remember, Achilles was a remarkably gifted mythical warrior whose only vulnerability was his heel. Of course, Achilles was eventually taken down by an arrow to his heel.

I talked with my client about his great gift of sensitivity. I suggested that he needs to preserve this gift by guarding his heart, not hardening it. People with such sensitive spirits can be amazingly helpful and uplifting to others, but they may pay a high price of letting their hearts be vulnerable to being wounded and broken.

The goal is to guard our heart by being aware of tendencies which might cause us to over-identify with others. We need to have good boundaries, but at the same time, maintain an open heart. We must avoid becoming hardened to the pain we experience, thereby potentially becoming bitter, and actually losing that strength that is so important. 

Finding safe places to process what we have experienced emotionally is critical to guarding our heart. We all need safe places to land, and people that we trust, in order to maintain a tender heart which can be of value to others, as well as ourselves.

Prayer: Lord, protect our hearts so that we can be of greater value to others, Amen

 Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don’t see many of “the brightest and the best” among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these “nobodies” to expose the hollow pretensions of the “somebodies”? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That’s why we have the saying, “If you’re going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God.”                                                                             I Corinthians 1:27-31 (the Message)

The term “wounded healer” comes from the ideas of Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung (no relation), who coined that term to describe therapists who drew healing power from their own personal wounds. Henri Nouwen famously write a book with that very title.

I was put in mind of this concept very recently as I saw a young client (now in his early 20’s) who had suffered from significant bullying when he entered high school. He is an African-American man who appears to suffer from an Autism Spectrum Disorder. His affect is blunted, and he struggles with many social cues and norms. He does not have very many friends, other than those with whom he plays video games online.    

As I have gotten to know this young man, over several months, he has responded to my suggestion that he write down how he feels in a journal. My belief, as my regular readers know, is that we need to express those painful things which rumble around our heads to help find outward expression somehow, be it through art, writing, painting, sculpture- whatever. He took me up on this, and recently, he has begun to read me those thoughts in our sessions.

I was blown away by his writing!

To say I was stunned by his self-awareness and his ability to express it would be a serious understatement. He has the soul of a poet, and I said to him that his writing reminded me a bit of the writings of Paul Lawrence Dunbar, an African-American poet from Dayton, Ohio where this young man lives.

He was able to articulate, almost poetically, the painful feelings he has- feelings of hurt, rejection, isolation, self-doubt, lack of confidence, lack of friends etc. I asked him if he would ever consider sharing this journal with other who may feel the same way, and he liked the idea.

He is making real progress because his writing allows him free and clear expression of his innermost thoughts and feelings. The idea that his writing could help others gives him hope.

We will be pursuing this, slowly, as he develops his voice. Indeed, he is finding his voice, and I am finding his heart.

Prayer: Thank you for the opportunity to see “wounded healing” at work, Amen

Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Colossians 3:13 (Living Bible)

I recently met with a couple who have had some struggles in their marriage. Some of those hurts went far back into their lengthy marriage, and there is still some hurt evident, though healing is happening very nicely at this point. We discussed the value of intentional forgiveness- that is, making a decision to forgive, even when there is no feeling of forgiveness. In other words, there is a decision and a desire to forgive, but hurt feelings, sadness, and fear of further hurts still linger.

I suggested that when we decide to forgive a party who offends us, we have made the first and most important step- we have taken a step of obedience that God requires of us. When we meet God at this place of obedience, he then can take over and change our hearts and feelings. That is work that God can do if we let him. Choosing to forgive, which is an action after God’s own heart, is the step that frees God to act in our life.

Just because we do not feel like making a decision to forgive is understandable. Deciding to forgive because God tells us to forgive is the first step in relational healing.

Prayer: Lord, help us to follow your plan of forgiving others, Amen

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence?  We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Luke 23:40-43

Most people are familiar with the account of the crucifixion of Jesus. He was executed in this vicious Roman type of torture along with two criminals. Public executions were considered to be a deterrent to breaking Roman law. It was a way to exert power, and to instill fear into anyone inclined to rebel against Roman authority.  

During this gruesome time on the cross, one of the criminals turned toward Jesus, his fellow sufferer, and asked Jesus to remember him when he entered into his kingdom. One of the criminals was jeering Jesus, and the other asked to follow Jesus into his kingdom.

In times of desperation, we are tested in our character. I think that the criminal who turned to Jesus was revealing something deep in his character when he recognized his own plight, and confessed his need for Jesus. We don’t know his crime, and indeed, his “crime” may simply have been dissent about Roman authority. What we do know is that he turned to Jesus, and Jesus secured his future.

 How simple it can be to ask Jesus to secure our future. We only need the humility to ask.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your provision for us through Jesus, Amen