“Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time  – Jim Rohn

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. ..

From Ecclesiastes 3

How many hours do you spend on your phone each day? No, don’t tell me, but just be aware yourself of how many hours a day you devote to screen time. I get that report on my iPhone every Sunday morning. Sometimes I am really shocked at the amount of time I spend scrolling on social media.

We as a society are spending way more time in front of screens than we are say, reading books. What is this doing to our general well-being? Are we truly better informed, or are we just getting the feeds that algorithms have set before us?

When we choose books or articles to read, we ourselves are curating the content that we want to consume. Hopefully, we choose a wide variety of reading material- current events, fiction, non-fiction, history, specialty information for our careers and interests, etc.

Management of our precious time allotment on earth is so vital.

As we all know, it is pretty easy to get sucked into a reading environment that has been curated for us by some social media giant’s algorithm. Let us just be sure we are in charge of our own reading habits.

Prayer: Lord, help us to use the time that you have given to us wisely, Amen

You will know the truth and the truth will make you free.”                                                                           John 8:32

I was reading a book about football recently, and the topic of CTE’s came up. CTE stands for Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. This is a type of injury that is all-too common for football players, especially professional football players. A recent study of autopsies performed on deceased professional football players indicated that 25% of the players studied had signs of CTE.

That is a shocking number. CTE’s have been associated with erratic behavior, depression, violence and suicidal tendencies. Former professional football players have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Dosease, and early onset dementia in a much higher percentage than the general population. In short, it seems that the odds of serious brain injury are wildly escalated for former professional football players.

This made me think of the process of denial. Essentially, denial works in us to make us think, “yes, it can happen, but it won’t happen to me”. The same principal holds for smokers. For many decades, people knew that smoking was associated with lung cancer, heart disease, and a host of other chronic degenerative diseases. Yet, smokers, addicted to nicotine, rationalized their behavior in a similar way. They would say things like, “I don’t smoke as much as some people, so I’m OK”; or “yes there is a risk, but I can avoid it”. Some might simply say things like, “Well, you have to die of something…”

We all use denial at times, which is a way of protecting us from fearful things in our life. The underlying defense seems to boil down to, “If I don’t think about it, it will go away”. This is akin to little children who may believe that if they cover their eyes, they can become invisible.

This is not an indictment of people, it is simply an understanding that we all have some defense postures that are not logical, but are somehow comforting. We all fall into this thinking at times in various ways. My point here is that looking seriously at our denial type thinking is important. We need to face truths that may be uncomfortable, but in the long run, hard as it is, it can prolong our life.  

Prayer: Lord, help us to look clearly at our lives to be at our best, Amen.

Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer                                                                                                                                            Psalm 94:19 (Living Bible)

One of the homework assignments I often give to clients is a self-awareness exercise. I ask them to spare just a few minutes during the day, and take control of their breathing (4 seconds in through the nose, hold for about 6 seconds, and breathe out slowly through the mouth for about 8 seconds). Then, having done that a few times until they feel relaxed, to ask themselves, “what am I feeling right now?”

This may take some practice for people who have not really taken time to consider their inner selves. We are so used to paying attention to the noise around us that we can lose sight of our inner being. Often, we have become used to the outer self- the face that we project to others.

This honest appraisal of our inner being is important. We need to become honest with our emotions. So often, we mislabel those feelings, and fear comes out behaviorally disguised as anger, or sadness come out as social isolation.

It is difficult to really come to grips with those inner emotions, because, once we recognize them, we become responsible to deal with them honestly. We can no longer project those feelings onto other around us and blame them for what is going on with us.

I have seen so many of my brave clients actually go through this process and grow. It is hard work, but it is worth it.

Prayer: Lord, give us the courage to look inside ourselves honestly, Amen

Guard well the splendid, God-given ability you received as a gift from the Holy Spirit who lives within you                                                                                                                                                         II Timothy 1:14

I have a fair number of clients whose anxiety has been exacerbated by the political turmoil that we find around us in the United States. Many clients talk about the fear spurred by the erosion of trust in our institutions, and the sense of powerlessness that they feel. Whereas in the past the political parties were able to disagree, but could still work on compromise to deal with national problems, current politicians find no common ground nor even the willingness to compromise.  

Indeed, many people feel fear and worry with no way to effect action that gives them a sense of satisfaction. As I have discussed, the antidote to anxiety is behavior- action of some type. What actions can people take other than to contact their representatives or senators? By all means, try that, but even then, many feel unheard in gerrymandered districts. Their voice feels small or altogether absent.

I suggest to clients that they can think very local. What I mean is, take actions that can affect those people closest to you. We all need a sense of purpose and a sense of power. Power is not power over others, but power to help change things for the better. I have suggested that clients volunteer in their own neighborhood to help people who are struggling- perhaps a disabled or elderly person. I have suggested to some, whose love is animals and pets, to help out in animal shelters.  

There are many opportunities to positively affect people who are nearby. We need a sense of purpose and a sense of power to make things better for ourselves and others. So, when the political process seems distant and even untouchable, having done all that we can to register our position, then we need to change the world that is closest to us.  

Prayer: Lord, help us to use what we can to help others and in so doing, to help ourselves.

She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:26-31

I write this blog on the day that Dolly Parton met her heavenly Father. The world was shocked and saddened by the news of the death of this beautiful soul. I cannot imagine anyone not loving Dolly Parton. She had an abundance of talent, as a music writer, a performer, an actress and, all- around entertainer.  

More than that, the woman was a philanthropist and a gentle soul. She had a smile and an attitude that could disarm the most entrenched critics in the world. She initiated a program to get books into the hands of millions of children, and she brought joy into the lives of countless people around the globe.

Dolly grew up poor, and determined that she would make the world a better place for her having been in it.

She succeeded.  

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for the life of Dolly Parton. Thank you for sharing her with us, Amen 

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God                                                                                                         Micah 6:8

We have a little squirrel who regularly feeds under the bird feeder for dropped sunflower seeds. Indeed, the finches and cardinals are pretty messy and aggressive eaters, so there is a fair amount of seed under the feeder. In fact, there is an entire sunflower patch, densely populated with sunflower seedlings, but that is simply an unintended consequence of feeding the birds. But feeding those squirrels is also an unintended consequence, one that until recently caused me to resent the squirrels’ forays into the feeder itself. The nerve of those little squirrels I thought!

That is until I saw one of those squirrels who had climbed into the feeder fall to the ground and injure himself. He is hurt to the point that he has trouble walking, and he drags his right rear leg, as he struggles to get along. He does come to feed on the ground now about every day, and it is clearly a struggle for him. He has found safety under a tree in my yard that has good ground cover. It has worked for him so far, and yesterday, I saw him escape the attack of feral cat that had tracked him.

I say all this for the lessons it provides. First, that little squirrel was the object of my frustration when he climbed into my bird feeder. Now however, I find myself not only rooting for the little guy, but making sure that there is enough seed on the ground to keep him fed. Funny how our attitude can change so quickly when we see the struggles of our fellow creatures.

That squirrel has a tremendous will to live. He drags himself to that area under my feeder, risking the attacks of cats, or hawks or whatever other dangers that may be out there. What power there is in the desire to survive in terrible circumstances!

Of course, millions of my fellow humans suffer in this world, beset by war, famine, and often, cruelty inflicted by other human beings. I am reminded daily by my little squirrel friend that our job is to help others sustain life, and alleviate, as much as we can, suffering that the world can inflict.

Prayer: Lord, help your people to work to alleviate the suffering of others, Amen

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.                            Proverbs 22:6

Over the years of my practice, I have seen numerous instances where my client has related that they were not affirmed by their parents. This takes many forms- from outright abuse, to neglect, to simple failure to nurture the dreams of their children.

Again, I am not one to push onto parents all the failures in adulthood that my clients face. We are all aware that even with childhoods that were less than perfect, we still have the choices and opportunities to become successful adults. Of course, clients who have had the trauma of abuse have a terrible burden to overcome, but indeed, many of my clients have overcome in spectacular ways.

However, parents need to recognize that their children have dreams, and often the talent and ambition to back that up. Our job as parents is to help identify those dreams and talents of our children and nurture them any way that we can. Just letting a child know that he/she can achieve their dreams, no matter what they are, is a huge encouragement. It says, “I believe in you!”

Kids look to their parents for validation, in some form, their whole life. Let’s make sure that they do not feel that they have to work hard for our love and affirmation. Just like God loves us right where we are (and He does), we need to clearly convey that to our children regularly. We need to express to them verbally and non-verbally that they can reach their dreams, and that we believe in them.

Prayer: Lord, help us to identify the dreams and gifts of our children and the next generations, and to nurture those dreams, Amen

Oh, how grateful and thankful I am to the Lord because he is so good. I will sing praise to the name of the Lord who is above all lords                                                                                                        Psalm 7:17

Quick word today. Grateful. Grateful for the little things and the big things. The little things- the hummingbirds have found my feeder late in the year and they are a joy to watch. I have learned to navigate the process to get my baseball tickets online in a reasonable amount of time. Most people have figured this out long before me, but I am getting there.

The big things- too numerous to name, but some are- my incredible wife and family; the health to be able to walk 5+ miles per day as part of my exercise routine, and to be able to cut the grass and enjoy it.

I mean there are so many things to be grateful for, I could spend the rest of this blog enumerating them, but you get the idea. I am blessed, and I know it.

Prayer: Lord, I simply recognize that you are the giver of good gifts, ones I do not deserve but enjoy, Amen

Please enjoy this reprint of a reflection from July, 2020, with apologies to Alfred E. Neuman, renowned author of the above quote…

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.                                                                                                                                     Matthew 6:34

We all tend to speculate on the future. It is natural to do that. We plan, we dream, we hope that tomorrow is a better day.  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that we need not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will take care of itself. It will unfold no matter what we do. He basically said, stay in the present and don’t borrow against tomorrow’s possible problems.

When we have high anxiety, we want certainty and control. Anxiety does not like surprises, so we try to predict how tomorrow will be. The problem is that people who have high anxiety almost always predict that tomorrow will bring a terrible thing somehow. They brace themselves, I think with the concept, “expect the worst, hope for the best”. At least that way, they have some preparation for that future problem- they are prepared for it.

It is understandable to try to control everything we can. We even try to predict the future to prepare ourselves for possible pain. Of course, one of the problems with this thinking is that we rob ourselves of present joy- of living in the moment.

So, I think that we should control what we can control, recognize what we cannot control, and pray about the rest. In that same sermon, Jesus said this:  

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

I think these words, if we can really follow them, can help with anxious thinking. If we believe that God takes care of his lower forms of creation, surely he will care for us.

Prayer: Father, we trust your provision for us. The future is yours, our future is in your hands, Amen

However, Christ has given each of us special abilities—whatever he wants us to have out of his rich storehouse of gifts.                                                                                                                    Ephesians 4:7 (Living Bible)

I was recently speaking with a client about a quote from Michelangelo – “I created a vision of David in my mind and simply carved away everything that was not David.” I so liked this quote because it was at once an indication of his humility and his creative imagination. What an amazing way to conceptualize the genius that God had given to him!

God gives us talents and gifts and our job is to give them back to him. We do that by benefitting the world with those gifts, recognizing that they are not ours, but simply gifts that we are entrusted as stewards.

No matter what gifts or abilities we have, our job is to develop them, then use them for the benefit for those whom we serve. I think this is how we can best honor God. By giving back to Him, through the service to others, the full manifestation of the gifts that we have been given. Yes, we are often compensated by others for those gifts, but we must always recognize where those gifts came from, and use them accordingly.

Prayer: Lord, we gratefully recognize that we all have been given gifts given by the Creator, Amen.