“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” Robin Williams

People don’t fake depression, they fake being okay. Remember that, be kind…                  Robin Williams

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones                            Proverbs 16:24

May is mental health month. This month has been set aside since 1949 to bring awareness to the importance of maintaining good mental health principles in our daily life. I have been in the field of mental health since 1973, when I began the journey at Dayton Mental Health Center. At that time there were over 900 patients housed and treated at that facility.

I moved into the burgeoning field of community mental health in 1975, and I have worked in various aspects of the field since then, including outpatient work, inpatient work, partial hospitalization, administration and, for the past 30 years, incorporating faith into an integrative approach to healing and recovery.

Mental health is healthcare. We are three-part beings, totally integrated as physical, spiritual, and emotional people.  When one aspect of this trio is upset, the other two invariably suffer in some way. One cannot treat a single aspect of health without dealing with the other aspects of our make-up. That is why I appreciate and endorse holistic care, which includes physical evaluation, emotional support, and attention to our faith life in order for us to have full health.

Many people suffer silently with mental health needs because they are often misunderstood. Indeed, many suffering people cannot easily articulate the level of pain or discomfort they feel. The quote above is from the beloved Robin Williams, a gentle soul who suffered from depression, but masked it in entertaining the world for a generation.

His word at the end of one of his quotes was simple yet profound.

Remember that, be kind…

Prayer: Lord, help us to see when we, and others need help, Amen

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”                                                                        John 8:32

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves…” Step 4 of Alcoholics Anonymous

I was recently talking with a client about his latest anxiety diversion- eBay shopping. As we talked further, I noted that the addictive aspect of this behavior was the bidding part. Yes, the purchase itself was a sort of “retail therapy”- getting some product to temporarily divert from anxiety or depression.

As we talked further, however, it appeared that the product itself was not the big part of the reward. The big reward, I felt, was the “win” of winning the bid from someone else. This is not a surprise. We know that in gambling addictions, the big payoff is not necessarily the money, but the idea of winning. Indeed, there is a surge of adrenaline and dopamine involved in the entire process. Even the prospect of losing has a certain stimulation that keeps gamblers gambling.

We know also that in slot machines, people feel that when the line comes up just short of, let’s say “three cherries” for a win, you are no closer to winning than you ever were. It just looks that way.

In this day of social media, we are more aware than ever about the allure and addiction of algorithms. Those who engineer such algorithms in some ways tend to direct our life in ways that we are unaware.

So, as in so many things, awareness of the situation is a large part of the strategy of regaining control over our own life. Of course, fearless self-honesty is what saves the day.  

The courageous people of 12 step traditions have had it right for a long time!

Prayer: Lord, help us to reflect honestly on our own behaviors and habits, Amen

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things                                                                                                                                                                   Philippians 4:8

What is the deadliest animal in the world in terms of human deaths caused? Is it sharks? Maybe snakes? How about scorpions or spiders? Well, you can add up all the deaths caused by all of the above animals, multiply it by a thousand or so, and you are still not close to the biggest killer.

Mosquitos.

Yes, mosquitos are responsible for about 2.7 million human deaths each year, and about 500 million mosquito borne illnesses. Yeah, they are deadly, not to mention completely annoying. But mostly those of us in the Northern Hemisphere just find them annoying. People in the Southern Hemisphere, especially children, find them to be deadly.

I was watching a documentary on NOVA (PBS) the other evening about the search for a malaria vaccine. The scientists, doctors, researchers, and human aid groups have been diligently searching for a malaria vaccine for decades, and in October, 2023, one was approved by the World Health Organization. I was captured by the reactions of the scientists.

They wept.

I write this because I saw the reactions of these heroic workers when the vaccine trials showed effectiveness. Spent of emotional energy from years of frustration, they wept and celebrated as they anticipated the millions of children, especially children in Africa, that would be spared the devastation of malaria.   

Mostly these days, we are inundated by the news of inhumane actions of evil in Ukraine, Gaza, and many other places. I can get pretty downcast by the cruel actions of humans toward other humans. But in this tumultuous season, I was looking for uplifting stories. Stories of people who love their fellow man and work for the best interests of humankind.

They are all around us to be sure if we are looking. We just need to remind ourselves to look.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the loving kindness we see in others when we look, Amen

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things                                                                                                                                                                   Philippians 4:8

What is the deadliest animal in the world in terms of human deaths caused? Is it sharks? Maybe snakes? How about scorpions or spiders? Well, you can add up all the deaths caused by all of the above animals, multiply it by a thousand or so, and you are still not close to the biggest killer.

Mosquitos.

Yes, mosquitos are responsible for about 2.7 million human deaths each year, and about 500 million mosquito borne illnesses. Yeah, they are deadly, not to mention completely annoying. But mostly those of us in the Northern Hemisphere just find them annoying. People in the Southern Hemisphere, especially children, find them to be deadly.

I was watching a documentary on NOVA (PBS) the other evening about the search for a malaria vaccine. The scientists, doctors, researchers, and human aid groups have been diligently searching for a malaria vaccine for decades, and in October, 2023, one was approved by the World Health Organization. I was captured by the reactions of the scientists.

They wept.

I write this because I saw the reactions of these heroic workers when the vaccine trials showed effectiveness. Spent of emotional energy from years of frustration, they wept and celebrated as they anticipated the millions of children, especially children in Africa, that would be spared the devastation of malaria.   

Mostly these days, we are inundated by the news of inhumane actions of evil in Ukraine, Gaza, and many other places. I can get pretty downcast by the cruel actions of humans toward other humans. But in this tumultuous season, I was looking for uplifting stories. Stories of people who love their fellow man and work for the best interests of humankind.

They are all around us to be sure if we are looking. We just need to remind ourselves to look.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the loving kindness we see in others when we look, Amen

 But Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?”                                                                                                              Exodus 3:11  

I was talking very recently to a client who struggles with how he sees himself. He knows that he has talent- he is an artist, a craftsman, a builder- but he believes ultimately that he is going to be a failure due to some deficits in his business skill set.

I reminded him of the wisdom of the story from the Bible about Moses at the burning bush. In this story, God laid out to his servant, Moses, the huge task of leading his people from slavery to the Promised Land. God had named Moses as the guy who would do the leading.

Moses would have none of it, citing his deficiencies and lack of personal qualities to take on such an undertaking. After some back and forth, God evidently had enough of the excuses from Moses. He instructed Moses to cast his staff to the ground. The staff became a snake. When Moses picked it up, it became his staff again. Clearly, God was able to empower anything that Moses had in his hand. Indeed, Moses carried that staff all the time. He had God’s power in his hand all the time. He just had not truly realized it.

So, the same is true of us. We have the power of God with us (the Holy Spirit) in our endeavors. We just need to be mindful of the directions that God would have us use his power. He wants to enable us to do his will on earth, and to make this world a better place for his beloved creation.

My client got the metaphor, and it helped him to see that God could bless his actions as he trusted God in his daily life. It is not a magic solution, but rather a reminder of God’s provision for us, and his desire to help us do his work on earth.  

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your daily provision for us, Amen

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”                                                                                               Reinhold Niebuhr

Depression can feel overwhelming, and when one feels overwhelmed, everything seems hard. Everything is an effort. Yet we know that behaviors that we can control help us to overcome that feeling of helplessness. I tell my clients that if they can manage to change just one little thing in their life, they can change everything. Once we see that we can make some very small changes, it affects how we see the world. From helpless to effective. From passivity to action. Just one little thing…

So, I brainstorm with my clients. Nothing is too small a start. Once they find that a little change actually works, they are encouraged to do more. They have received the energy of action. Physics tells us that a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Less energy is required to keep an object moving than to start it moving. If we can supply just a little energy to start the behavior, we can get momentum.

The “one little thing” can be as small as getting up 15 minutes earlier. Or, perhaps sending a text to a friend they have not heard from in a while. Or, deciding to walk outside for just 15 minutes a day.

While these are small and manageable little behaviors, to a person with significant depression, it can feel daunting. I encourage clients that if they just try this new behavior for a few days, they will see a difference. Indeed, they have become empowered to take charge of their life in small ways.

However, I think it proves the truth- change one thing, change everything.

Prayer: Lord, help us to make the small changes that can change lives, Amen

 If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well…                                                                                                                            James 2:8

I read a book a number of years ago by Ray Bakke, titled A Gospel as Big as the City. In this book, written in 1997, the author explains that the church must impact its community, and become, as he called it “a chaplain to its community”.

Chaplains provide spiritual and emotional care to people in times of need. They reach out to people who are hurting, marginalized and sometimes cast aside. They are on the “front lines” when people need help.

This resonated with me in a powerful way. Our church had opened New Creation Counseling Center in 1993 with the Care Pastor, Tom Sager, having the vision to undertake starting a Christian counseling center. The Center would operate with professional counselors and clinical interns, under the supervision of Linda Richards, an LPCC (Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor). The center provides care with a Christian orientation, but is open to all, and discriminates against none.  

This nascent effort grew until now it employs over 14 clinical staff. The Center offers psychiatry, counseling services in 8 area schools, and counseling for disorders ranging from significant mood disorders, anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, marriage and family issues- the list goes on. All of this is done without denying treatment to people unable to pay the full cost of the services.

Our church has also led the way in providing support groups for divorce, grief issues, and a group for men with sexual addictions. There is a companion group for women affected by men with sexual addiction.

I lay this out because I think my church is acting truly like a chaplain to its community. In this day of people seeing the Christian Church (big C church, not necessarily local congregations) as a place that seems only to be railing against those in certain lifestyles, or being judgmental of people, my church is offering hope and healing.   

I am happy being part of a church that is a chaplain to our community.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the calling you have put on your Church- to help and heal the community, Amen

Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy!                                                               Psalm 126:3

I wrote a blog recently about AI and its positives and potential negatives. Since then, I experimented with it a little by asking the AI assistant to help me organize my www.reflectionsofacounselor.com into a book. A number of my regular readers, (whom I appreciate more than you know) have asked me to make a book out of the large inventory of entries. As of this writing, there have been 1,940 entries, starting in April, 2020.

The task of organizing all of them into some coherent and potentially reader-pleasing format seemed daunting. Well, actually, it is a daunting task! So, I engaged AI to look at all the blogs and to organize them into a format for a book.

I was amazed at the insight and perception of the chatbot. The speed of course was amazing too, but in this day and age, I actually expected that. Nonetheless, it was incredibly fast. The bot suggested a format where we put the blogs into the following categories; Faith in the Everyday; Understanding the Mind and Heart; Encouragement for the Journey; Reflections on Our Culture; and, Lessons from a Life Lived with Purpose. The bot then suggested blogs to be placed into each category. The blog politely declined to copy the blogs into the categories (which would have saved me an immense amount of time) because it honored my copyright, and could not reprint the blogs.

Indeed, the bot was incredibly encouraging, supportive, friendly, helpful, and insightful. I began to see where people could be led into thinking of the AI bot as more than a tool, but indeed, as a friend.

So, my dear readers, I would like to engage your help along the way. If you have suggestions for a reflections book, please send them along to me. Your daily support is the reason I am even considering publishing the blog collection as a book. If you enjoy the blog, feel free to share it with your friends to spread the word. I will never charge for the blog, or have some kind of paywall, so it is a no-lose proposition!

Finally, on this May 18^th, I would be terribly remiss if I did not wish my older brother Ed, my role model and hero since I was out of diapers, a very happy and blessed birthday.  

I love you, Ed!

Prayer: Lord, you bring people together in amazing new ways, with technologies that have come from the creative minds of people made in your image, Amen

This is a reprint from a previous blog. It seems that this time of year bears a repeat…

A word to parents of graduates…

Congratulations on achieving a milestone! Loving and involved parents are perhaps the best indicator of future success for students. Your encouragement and support from early on in your child’s life sets the tone for a healthy self-image which lasts a lifetime. There is no substitute for unconditional love and acceptance, and the best news of all is that is the legacy you will set for your grandchildren. You can and do influence generations to come.

Allow your kids to dream big, and encourage them to live out their life mission. Remember, it’s their vision, not yours, that will propel them to achieve great things. You have been the “greenhouse” for their nurture and growth, now they can set out to accomplish what they have been equipped to do.

The values that you have inculcated in them will continue to become more prominent as they take on increasing responsibilities of jobs, families, and community involvement. What you have demonstrated in your day-to-day living will be much more significant than what you have taught them. Gradually, they are internalizing values that you have lived. What used to be external motivation is now becoming internal motivation that they have owned.

Your job is not finished by a long shot, because if your relationship with them has been set on solid ground, they will continue to seek your counsel, your support, and your companionship. Be prepared to enjoy this next exciting phase of life for both them and for you.

A word to graduates…

Congratulations on your achievement! Graduation is a milestone achieved through hard work and discipline. Indeed, learning hard work and discipline is the REASON you went to school. The information you learned is less important than the process that you learned. The discipline of delayed gratification, pushing through to the goal when you don’t FEEL like it, and the courage to come back from failure, are the most important tools that you can carry into the future.

I mentioned to your parents that they had a role in your self-image, and I trust that they imparted that to you well. You have the full responsibility of gaining your own self-esteem. I define self-esteem as the feeling you get when you have kept promises to yourself. If you can trust yourself by keeping those small promises that you made to yourself, you will have something that no one can take from you. From this comes confidence, willingness to take risks, and the knowledge that no one else will define who you are.

Finally, if you have not already done so, I hope that you have begun the process of determining your life mission statement. This is comprised of things you already have- namely, a recognition of your God-given talents and strengths; a set of life experiences (small now, but growing) which have helped to shape you; and your passion- what is the thing that you would do in this world even if you never got paid for doing it? Put those elements together, and you come up with the reason that you were put on planet earth. May you live out that mission for the benefit of yourself, and, more importantly, those around you.

Just as you do not know the path of the wind or how the bones are made of a child yet to be born, so you do not know the work of God Who makes all things.                                                      Ecclesiastes 11:5

Some wisdom above from one of the “wisdom books” of the Hebrew Testament. I am always struck by the limits of my own understanding. The writer of this book echoes some of the other wisdom themes found in Proverbs and Job.

In the book of Job, God asks Job if he was around when the stars were being placed in the sky. The writer above explains that the things of creation are too marvelous to be completely understood by mere mankind.

I think we all want some sense of certainty to feel less anxious. If we can explain things, or predict things, we won’t be caught by surprise. We want to have a sense of control.

Well, the old saying I rely upon is “control the things that you can control, and don’t be caught up in trying to control things you can’t.” Those are the things that we simply pray about and give to God.

Prayer: Lord, we turn over, as best we can, the things that are yours to cover, Amen