The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.                                               Psalm 19:1 (KJV)

Just right! That was the exclamation of little Goldilocks as she entered the house of the Three Bears. Goldilocks had tried out the porridge, and the chairs, and the beds of the Three Bears, and she would always find one too hard or too soft, or the porridge too hot or too cold. She would always land on one that was “just right”.

That is how astronomers and astrophysicists describe the conditions of the earth for the sustenance of life. The Goldilocks Effect. Other planets are too hot, or too cold, or just too toxic to sustain life. In all the universe, we only know, at this time, one planet of the billions out there that can sustain life. Our little old Earth- it is just right.

It is not a cosmic mistake or some crazy coincidence that Earth is the planet of life. The confluence of events that needed to happen for life to be sustained on Earth was a God-ordained miracle. If the angle of the Earth’s tilt varied much off of the mean of 23.5 degrees, life could not be sustained. If our distance from the sun was greatly different than the average of 93 million miles distant, we would boil or freeze, depending on the difference.

So, when we say, as does the Bible, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and made intentionally, and with purpose, we speak the truth.   

So, at times we may feel insignificant and wonder about where God is in this world. He cared enough to create this place which is just right for life. What we do with that life is up to us. God gave us all the conditions that we need to live that life.

Prayer: Lord, we are amazed at this unique creation, which includes little old us! Amen

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.                                                                                                        Philippians 4:8 (New Living Translation)

The 4^th of July is, of course, a distinctly American holiday. It celebrates the signing of the Declaration of Independence from England in 1776. It is a day replete with fireworks, patriotism and celebration.

It also harkens summer memories. Perhaps days of carefree youth, playing in the backyard, swimming with friends, picnics, fresh tomatoes from the garden, or family vacations. Reliving those memories of the past- those that evoke joy and a sense of freedom- are things that are good for the mind and the soul.

We all have different memories of those past summers. Hopefully, you can recall some wonderful times. Some people, unfortunately, do not have a vault of memories that are refreshing. Maybe just remembering a few things that were a respite from difficult times can be of some help.

But on this midsummer day, I ask you to reflect on the summer days that delighted you. The carefree times that began early in the day, and lasted late because the sun did not set until past 9PM.

Of course, I am writing to my friends in the Northern Hemisphere, so to my dear Southern Hemisphere readers, bear with me! 😊

All of us can benefit from recalling days that were free of stress, where the next decision was simply whether to go inside and get a cool drink, or to let the garden hose run for a while and get a cool drink from there.

So, my friends, enjoy this little mind experience. To my American readers, Happy 4^th of July! To the rest of my readers, give yourself that enjoyable freedom that comes from good memories.

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for memories that uplift us, and for the freedoms we enjoy to do just that, Amen

Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.                                              Proverbs 21:21

We are who we are aspiring to become…

We are who we are aspiring to become. I heard this quote years ago, and I cannot find attribution for it. Nonetheless, I have found it to be a good guide in talking with some of my clients. There is a lot of truth in the saying. It is reassuring to clients who tend to be perfectionists, and who become frustrated with their current state. It means that we are on the road to where we want to go, even if we are not there yet. However, we all need to find value in our current journey, even if we have not yet arrived.

I have explained this to clients by saying that it is about the road we are on, not the final destination. If you are on the right road, you will eventually get to where you intend to go. Yes, there may be detours and potholes, but as long as you are on the right road, you persist. If, however, you are on the wrong road, you can get lost and never find your destination.

Our intention to become a better person, a person of integrity, is never ending. However, if our intention and goal is to become that person, we are already on the right road. We need to acknowledge that in order to keep plugging ahead, seeing ourself as that person we intend to be. In that sense, we already are.

Prayer: Lord, give us the perseverance to stay on the road to our goal, Amen

For I cried to him and he answered me! He freed me from all my fears.  Others too were radiant at what he did for them. Theirs was no downcast look of rejection!  This poor man cried to the Lord—and the Lord heard him and saved him out of his troubles.  For the Angel of the Lord guards and rescues all who reverence him.                                          Psalm 34:4-7

You’re walking over a bridge, feeling fine, no particular worries on your mid that you are aware of, and you are seized with the thought that you might just have this uncontrollable urge to jump. You don’t want to jump. In fact, you are scared to death by the idea of jumping over that rail. So you ask yourself, “Why did I have that feeling? Is there something wrong with me? I better never let anyone know that I had that fleeting thought!”

And such is the nature of some manifestations of anxiety. It makes no sense. Indeed, anxiety is defined as irrational fears. Worry is one thing. It usually has a focus of something in our lives that is a fear, a concern- maybe fear that we will lose our job, so that we can’t pay those upcoming bills. Anxiety takes that worry to the exponential level. The worry about losing a job goes to “I’m going to become homeless”.

I have spoken with a number of clients who deal with anxiety, and often they had never shared that they have some of those weird thoughts. Like those bridge thoughts, or even others just as frightening. It scares them, and they think that they are mentally ill, maybe even evil. Anxiety has seized their rational thinking at that point. When they are able to express those dark thoughts to a trusted person, anxiety is lessened- sometimes to a great extent. Getting in touch with truth does set us free.

We are beset by things we do not understand. I don’t know why anxiety is a self-destructive presence in our lives, but it is. It is almost like it has a life of its own. As I have stated before, it becomes an unwanted traveling partner.

So, getting those thoughts out of our head and into a safer space is therapeutic. The truth does set us free!

Prayer: Lord, you have promised that we can trust you with our fears and worries. Thank you for that reassurance, Amen

Love and truth form a good leader; sound leadership is founded on loving integrity                             Proverbs 20:28 (The Message)

I recently spoke with a young man who was asking about leadership, and the best ways to be a leader to his young family. I appreciate the heart of this young man, and we discussed his temperament, and the need to be genuine to who he is, and not try to assume a type of leadership role that is not congruent with who he is. Leaders come in all types of styles, and his job is to lead with integrity based on who he is.

I further talked to him about the basic decision that leaders need to make. It is based upon the question, “For whose benefit is this?” Leaders make decisions based upon the needs of their family, not primarily their own desires.

Finally, I spoke with him about his own disciplines. I told him that one cannot lead others without leading themselves. In other words, a person has to be able to make good personal decisions about their own health, their emotional state and their spiritual state before they are fit to lead others.

The fact that he asked this question shows me that this young man is going to be a fine leader. I am happy to see that.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to be the leaders you would have us to be in our family, Amen

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?                                                     Matthew 6:25-27

It was a bit of a lazy day in my part of the world today. I spent a good deal of time by my pond reading, and just watching my goldfish. It was really too hot to do much else.  My fish is a mutt goldfish who has inhabited this pond for at least 8 years. I think the fish, Hardy, is living his/her best life. She is unconcerned with anything as she has no predators (it appears). She happily munches bits of algae and plant aerators for her food, and swims blithely under a refreshing waterfall when she gets a little bored.  

I began to think about the passage cited above, and how we tend to worry about money. I truly understand that many people do not have enough money to subsist adequately, and of course this is no indictment of them.

I do recall early in my own marriage with a young family that we did indeed live paycheck to paycheck. Worry about money was always some part of the picture, but it did not consume my mind.

When I was a kid, our family lived modestly and there was not much extra money to be had. However, we were never really in want, and there did not seem to be a great deal of anxiety about it. Then again, I was a kid, and my parents probably did worry more than I realized.

However, there are many people in our culture who have more than adequate amounts of money. And they still devote their life to getting more. They spend much of their time and energy trying to amass wealth. Much more. Consequently, they cannot have that simple joy of trusting in Jesus for provision. I think that perhaps they do not have the peace that Jesus talked about in just living a simple life.

When John D. Rockefeller was asked “How much money does it take to make a man happy?” His response, “just a little bit more”.

I am thankful for God’s provision. It is enough.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for taking care of our needs, Amen

Come, see the glorious things God has done. What marvelous miracles happen to his people! Psalm 66:5

I got to thinking about miracles the other day, and it occurred to me that miracles are so commonplace, we do not seem to label them as miracles. When Jesus walked on the water, or fed the 5,000, or even when he arose from the dead, they were miracles of the order of the “known”. That is, those miracles could be witnessed by others, and noted as unexplainable by the common knowledge of the time.

We, in the 21^st century, are aware that there are unexplainable phenomena around us at every moment. Physicists cannot explain dark matter, for instance, while at the same time conjecturing that it may make up more of the universe than the matter that we can now measure. Or, take for example the subatomic particles that are linked in their spin, in “quantum entanglement,” even if they are separated by an entire galaxy of distance. Einstein called this “spooky action at a distance”.

Even more basic miracles are actions in our bodies that still defy explanation. Often such things can be observed but not explained. Examples are spontaneous remission of some disease, or phantom limb pain after amputation, or a host of functions still not fully understood.

Photosynthesis, the very chemical reaction that gives life on earth would, in my opinion, be classified as a miracle. Yes, the chemistry can be explained, but how did it come about? Must have been a Creator who had an amazing plan.

There are many other examples, but my point is this- we can accept these everyday occurrences as part of our life, yet they are indeed miracles. Therefore, I am much more at peace seeing the miracles of Jesus, even a miracle like incarnation, as just part of a world of…miracles.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be mindful that we live amidst miracles all the time, Amen

 In the same way, urge the young men to behave carefully, taking life seriously. And here you yourself must be an example to them of good deeds of every kind. Let everything you do reflect your love of the truth and the fact that you are in dead earnest about it.                                                  Titus 2:6-8 (Living Bible)

It was my privilege to recently meet with a young man who is relatively new to the counseling field. He had sought me out because he would like to have some mentoring from an older man in the field.  I applauded his decision to seek out mentoring as he begins his foray into the field of marriage and family counseling.

I encouraged this young man that he had already shown a large degree of wisdom as he seeks out older people in the field. Humility is the beginning of wisdom. That is, knowing that there is always room for growth, that we constantly need to seek wisdom beyond our own narrow scope of vision, is wisdom in and of itself.

So, I am encouraged by this young man. Those of us who are mature in our career field, whatever it might be, are obliged to pass on what we have learned- our mistakes as well as our successes.

So, I encourage my readers, take time to share your wisdom with younger people. In doing so, we gain as we share.

Prayer: Thank you, Lord for the plan of passing on our blessings to others, Amen

So, I want men everywhere to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from sin and anger and resentment.                                                                                                                                       I Timothy 2:8

Resentments can start as small irritations. These irritations may grow slowly, insidiously, and if left unattended, can grow into resentments. Being aware of such thoughts and feelings can give us a sort of “early warning system” to deal with such issues before they become unmanageable.

I recently had a discussion with a client about her resentments. She said that periodically, she has a flare-up of resentment toward her son-in-law, who had hurt her daughter emotionally some years ago. She says that this is a burden she is tired of carrying. I recognized that this is an understandable response, but the fact that it bothers her says that she has not really given it up.  Perhaps she wants to dredge this up periodically in order to feel some control of her emotions. If she hangs onto it, she can drag it up at times to give vent to her “justified anger”. She has reserved the right to hold onto this resentment because she is “entitled to it”.  

All of this rang true to her. We discussed that perhaps considering the idea of giving up control of this entitled feeling- justified as it feels at times- might work to her benefit. She agreed that this is a matter of control. Could she give this to God, to control something that she cannot control anyway? Might this be a good idea?

She thinks so. I agree.  

It is not easy to give up resentments. Resentments linger because we feel entitled to them. Giving up control of those resentments to God is a process, but it is also a decision we need to make. Can God handle it better than we can? Do we feel freer when we give these things to God so that he can handle them.

Yes, and yes.

Prayer: Lord, help us to look at resentments we hold, and give them to you, Amen.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.                                                                   Proverbs 4:23

I recently spoke with a client about some of his strengths, including his empathy and self-awareness. As usual, this client did not see these attributes as strengths, but rather as his “Achilles Heel”. As we remember, Achilles was a remarkably gifted mythical warrior whose only vulnerability was his heel. Of course, Achilles was eventually taken down by an arrow to his heel.

I talked with my client about his great gift of sensitivity. I suggested that he needs to preserve this gift by guarding his heart, not hardening it. People with such sensitive spirits can be amazingly helpful and uplifting to others, but they may pay a high price of letting their hearts be vulnerable to being wounded and broken.

The goal is to guard our heart by being aware of tendencies which might cause us to over-identify with others. We need to have good boundaries, but at the same time, maintain an open heart. We must avoid becoming hardened to the pain we experience, thereby potentially becoming bitter, and actually losing that strength that is so important. 

Finding safe places to process what we have experienced emotionally is critical to guarding our heart. We all need safe places to land, and people that we trust, in order to maintain a tender heart which can be of value to others, as well as ourselves.

Prayer: Lord, protect our hearts so that we can be of greater value to others, Amen