See, you want truth deep within the heart. And You will make me know wisdom in the hidden part. Psalm 51:6 (New Life Version)

This above all: to thine own self be
true, and it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to
any man

William Shakespeare (from Hamlet)

I recently talked with a client about being aware of
how he felt and being able to express those feelings safely with others. Some
people struggle to do this because it is a somewhat difficult exercise. This
particular client told me that he believes that he is on the Autism Spectrum,
and that such things come hard to him because he has never really been able to
have a safe place to even bring his feelings to the front of his awareness.

He is having some relationship issues so he decided
that he needed counseling. We discussed the idea that his expression of those
inner feelings can be almost invisible to him. When he feels fear or sadness
for example- or a mixture of both- it often comes out looking like anger.
Others, like his wife and adult child, then are hurt by what they see as anger.
My client then gets confused as to how to reconnect with them because he could
not really see how the process played out.  

He is growing and trying new things. I have so much
respect for him because this is new territory for him, and it feels strange and
perhaps scary. What a brave person he is! Trying new things, whatever they
might be, can be daunting and scary.

Yet, when we stretch, we grow.

Prayer: Lord, give us the strength to try
new things for growth, Amen

“Be curious!”                                                                                                                                                     Ted Lasso

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”                                                                           John Wooden

Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights                                Proverbs 18:15 (The Message)

I was recently speaking with a client about the need to be relevant. As we get older, we need to work hard to stay relevant, that is, to be aware of what is going on in the world, and to have some impact upon that world. I used one of my favorite quotes from basketball Hall of Fame coach  John Wooden, “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts!” I also quoted that famous philosopher of positive thinking, Ted Lasso, “Be curious”.

Indeed, as we get older, we can get set in our ways, convinced that the old ways are best. Truly, ancient and accrued wisdom is of great value, but we must also temper that with the idea that our sense of certainty can be a stumbling block for new wisdom.

So, stay curious my friends. Be open for new knowledge, and for different ways of looking at our own perceived orthodoxy. We grow in our faith as we challenge it. Our muscles, even our ideas, are meant to be challenged and exercised in order to grow.

I want to stay relevant by learning from others, and by being open to new and different ideas and different cultures. Reading and traveling are great ways to stay relevant and continually learning.

So, stay curious, my friend!

Prayer: Lord, you have made us to be curious beings- what a blessing! Amen

There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next…                                             Romans 5:3-4 (The Message)

I have written in blogs past about making small, deliberate, practical changes in order to gain more of a sense of peace and control in our life. Built up over time, such regular disciplines lead to enduring positive change. The key word here is “time”. We all want to feel better right away. We are the epitome of a culture of instant gratification, and we have an insatiable need for immediate results.  

That is why weight loss, for example, is advertised in extreme terms. “Lose 30 pounds in 30 days!” Fat sculpting surgery seems to be the remedy for removal of unwanted fat. On and on we see that immediate relief is wanted, indeed expected. I too have the same malady. When my computer, for example, does not instantly respond to my commands, I can become irritated.

I tell my clients that the drugs that are addictive are the ones that give immediate relief. Indeed, anything that gives immediate relief and pleasure becomes addictive. Food, sex, alcohol, pain killers, gambling, pornography, and other forms of immediate pleasure, all have an addictive potential.

The slow, steady approach to life changes is the only way that works in the long run. No, it is not easy, nor is it quick. However, that approach does work, and it has been thus ever since the world began. We just think that we have a better, quicker way to do things.

Innovation, inventions and other time and labor-saving devices are remarkable and they are a blessing. However, when it comes to human behavior and life changes, slow and steady always wins.

Prayer: Lord, help us to have the patience and discipline to make the lasting changes you would have for us, Amen.

 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.                                                                                               Ephesians 4:15

The other day I got to thinking about a situation with one of my clients, and I asked myself, “would I share that particular thought with my client?” I had been thinking about some issues the client had discussed, and while that issue was no longer relevant to treatment, I stopped for a moment because it struck me that, while my observation was probably true, it would not be helpful to share it as feedback.

The idea of having a filter of “true and helpful” struck me as a pretty solid framework for deciding feedback. I can have a certain idea that I feel is true, but if it would not be helpful to share, I do not share it. Obviously, if something were not true, even if it would possibly helpful, I would not share it. By that I mean, sharing a false affirmation or sentiment that I did not believe  would not ultimately be helpful.

It is similar, perhaps, to “speaking the truth in love”, though not exactly the same. If I have a truth, but cannot deliver it in love, then it should not be shared. Often, I think truth cannot be truly heard unless it is delivered in love.

Alas, I am not perfect in this since I love imperfectly. Yet, I like these ethical standards as guidelines for care.

Prayer: Lord, you have entrusted to us care for one another. Help us to steward it well, Amen

This is a repeat of one of my past favorites. I Hope you enjoy it…

The Woman at the Well

A woman, a Samaritan, came to draw water. Jesus said, “Would you give me a drink of water?” (His disciples had gone to the village to buy food for lunch.)

 The Samaritan woman, taken aback, asked, “How come you, a Jew, are asking me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?” (Jews in those days wouldn’t be caught dead talking to Samaritans.)

 Jesus answered, “If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water.”                                                                                                      John 4:7-10 (The Message)

I bought this painting (a reproduction), titled The Woman at the Well, when my wife and I visited the Barnes Museum in Philadelphia several years ago. This painting almost jumped off the wall at me. When I learned the history of the artist, Horace Pippin, it made sense to me why I was drawn to it. Let me tell you his story in brief.

Horace Pippin was an African-American who was a part of the “Harlem Hell Fighters” in World War I. The U.S Army was segregated in those days, so he was part of an all African-American unit which ended up spending more time in combat than any other American unit in that war.

Pippin was injured in the war, shot by a German sniper in the right shoulder. After the injury, he was only able to paint by holding one arm under the other for support as he painted. Perhaps this led to his simple, yet powerful style.

Pippin was keenly aware of racial struggles- he lived in the midst of them. Several of his paintings reflect his commentary on discrimination, and the injustice of the times he lived through. 

This painting spoke to me from afar as we walked through the museum. I was struck first by the garments of both Jesus and the woman. They are very bright white, and of equal tone. The figures are also are very nearly equal in height. Both of these rendering techniques are a symbol of our equality in the eyes of Jesus.

I also noted that the woman was kind of thick around her waist, in contrast to her regularly sized face. Could she be pregnant?

Finally, there bis a red glow in the background, likely her city. This is the city to where she would return and become an evangelist of the man she had just met. Where other people saw her as a broken woman, Jesus saw her as an evangelist of good news.

I think Pippin captured something deep in this painting. He was a man familiar with inequality, and he was a man familiar with pain. To me, this comes out beautifully in his art.

I am not an art collector, nor do I know much about art. But I know when my soul is stirred by a piece of art, and this did it to me. I share it with you for your enjoyment. I think it is a great statement about the artist and his Savior.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the gift of art, and the power that can be drawn from it, Amen.

 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:   Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
 rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
 And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:5-8

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”                     (Variously attributed)

Do you remember the WWJD bracelets? What Would Jesus Do? The idea was to put people in the mindset of Jesus. We are called to have that same mind as Christ in our relationships with other people. We are called to stand for the dignity of all people whom God has created. So, when we see oppression or injustice toward others we are called to respond.

When we see a White supremacist group march on Washington, as we witnessed on July 4^th, we are called as Christians to stand against it. I trust that many people have registered their opposition to such hatred. I hope so.

Yes, these groups have the legal right to express their opinions, but opposition to such groups also must be clear and pervasive. There is no room in a Christian mindset- the mind of Christ- for such disregard for others.

Prayer: Lord, help us to better discern the mind of Christ in regard to how we treat others, Amen

The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.                                               Psalm 19:1 (KJV)

Just right! That was the exclamation of little Goldilocks as she entered the house of the Three Bears. Goldilocks had tried out the porridge, and the chairs, and the beds of the Three Bears, and she would always find one too hard or too soft, or the porridge too hot or too cold. She would always land on one that was “just right”.

That is how astronomers and astrophysicists describe the conditions of the earth for the sustenance of life. The Goldilocks Effect. Other planets are too hot, or too cold, or just too toxic to sustain life. In all the universe, we only know, at this time, one planet of the billions out there that can sustain life. Our little old Earth- it is just right.

It is not a cosmic mistake or some crazy coincidence that Earth is the planet of life. The confluence of events that needed to happen for life to be sustained on Earth was a God-ordained miracle. If the angle of the Earth’s tilt varied much off of the mean of 23.5 degrees, life could not be sustained. If our distance from the sun was greatly different than the average of 93 million miles distant, we would boil or freeze, depending on the difference.

So, when we say, as does the Bible, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and made intentionally, and with purpose, we speak the truth.   

So, at times we may feel insignificant and wonder about where God is in this world. He cared enough to create this place which is just right for life. What we do with that life is up to us. God gave us all the conditions that we need to live that life.

Prayer: Lord, we are amazed at this unique creation, which includes little old us! Amen

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.                                                                                                        Philippians 4:8 (New Living Translation)

The 4^th of July is, of course, a distinctly American holiday. It celebrates the signing of the Declaration of Independence from England in 1776. It is a day replete with fireworks, patriotism and celebration.

It also harkens summer memories. Perhaps days of carefree youth, playing in the backyard, swimming with friends, picnics, fresh tomatoes from the garden, or family vacations. Reliving those memories of the past- those that evoke joy and a sense of freedom- are things that are good for the mind and the soul.

We all have different memories of those past summers. Hopefully, you can recall some wonderful times. Some people, unfortunately, do not have a vault of memories that are refreshing. Maybe just remembering a few things that were a respite from difficult times can be of some help.

But on this midsummer day, I ask you to reflect on the summer days that delighted you. The carefree times that began early in the day, and lasted late because the sun did not set until past 9PM.

Of course, I am writing to my friends in the Northern Hemisphere, so to my dear Southern Hemisphere readers, bear with me! 😊

All of us can benefit from recalling days that were free of stress, where the next decision was simply whether to go inside and get a cool drink, or to let the garden hose run for a while and get a cool drink from there.

So, my friends, enjoy this little mind experience. To my American readers, Happy 4^th of July! To the rest of my readers, give yourself that enjoyable freedom that comes from good memories.

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for memories that uplift us, and for the freedoms we enjoy to do just that, Amen

Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.                                              Proverbs 21:21

We are who we are aspiring to become…

We are who we are aspiring to become. I heard this quote years ago, and I cannot find attribution for it. Nonetheless, I have found it to be a good guide in talking with some of my clients. There is a lot of truth in the saying. It is reassuring to clients who tend to be perfectionists, and who become frustrated with their current state. It means that we are on the road to where we want to go, even if we are not there yet. However, we all need to find value in our current journey, even if we have not yet arrived.

I have explained this to clients by saying that it is about the road we are on, not the final destination. If you are on the right road, you will eventually get to where you intend to go. Yes, there may be detours and potholes, but as long as you are on the right road, you persist. If, however, you are on the wrong road, you can get lost and never find your destination.

Our intention to become a better person, a person of integrity, is never ending. However, if our intention and goal is to become that person, we are already on the right road. We need to acknowledge that in order to keep plugging ahead, seeing ourself as that person we intend to be. In that sense, we already are.

Prayer: Lord, give us the perseverance to stay on the road to our goal, Amen

For I cried to him and he answered me! He freed me from all my fears.  Others too were radiant at what he did for them. Theirs was no downcast look of rejection!  This poor man cried to the Lord—and the Lord heard him and saved him out of his troubles.  For the Angel of the Lord guards and rescues all who reverence him.                                          Psalm 34:4-7

You’re walking over a bridge, feeling fine, no particular worries on your mid that you are aware of, and you are seized with the thought that you might just have this uncontrollable urge to jump. You don’t want to jump. In fact, you are scared to death by the idea of jumping over that rail. So you ask yourself, “Why did I have that feeling? Is there something wrong with me? I better never let anyone know that I had that fleeting thought!”

And such is the nature of some manifestations of anxiety. It makes no sense. Indeed, anxiety is defined as irrational fears. Worry is one thing. It usually has a focus of something in our lives that is a fear, a concern- maybe fear that we will lose our job, so that we can’t pay those upcoming bills. Anxiety takes that worry to the exponential level. The worry about losing a job goes to “I’m going to become homeless”.

I have spoken with a number of clients who deal with anxiety, and often they had never shared that they have some of those weird thoughts. Like those bridge thoughts, or even others just as frightening. It scares them, and they think that they are mentally ill, maybe even evil. Anxiety has seized their rational thinking at that point. When they are able to express those dark thoughts to a trusted person, anxiety is lessened- sometimes to a great extent. Getting in touch with truth does set us free.

We are beset by things we do not understand. I don’t know why anxiety is a self-destructive presence in our lives, but it is. It is almost like it has a life of its own. As I have stated before, it becomes an unwanted traveling partner.

So, getting those thoughts out of our head and into a safer space is therapeutic. The truth does set us free!

Prayer: Lord, you have promised that we can trust you with our fears and worries. Thank you for that reassurance, Amen