Oasis (def.)

1: a fertile or green area in an arid region (such as a desert)

2: something that provides refuge, relief, or pleasant contrast

Merriam-Webster

God, when you took the lead with your people, when you marched out into the wild, Earth shook, sky broke out in a sweat; God was on the march. Even Sinai trembled at the sight of God on the move, at the sight of Israel’s God. You pour out rain in buckets, O God; thorn and cactus become an oasis for your people to camp in and enjoy. You set them up in business; they went from rags to riches.                       Psalm 68:7-10

Please enjoy this visit from a previous blog…

What can be more refreshing than a cool drink of water on a sweltering hot day? I remember as a kid playing baseball in the back yard with my brother, and we would be too preoccupied with playing ball to get a drink from inside the house. So, finally, we would turn on the garden hose, let it run for a while until the water was cool, then we would drink right from the hose. The cool water splashing onto our face made the experience even better. I can still remember the refreshment of that water!

It reminds me that when we face the heat of a busy day, whether or not it is literally hot outside, we need a break, an oasis. I tell my clients that there can be larger oases and smaller oases, but we must build them into our day.

For example, for me, a small oasis might be a fresh cup of tea in the afternoon to refresh me between seeing clients. A larger oasis might be looking forward to a nice long walk at the end of the day, or a show that I can watch with my wife in the evening. An even larger oasis might be that trip that we plan for a few months in advance when we can take a week or two off.

The point is, we need to make room for regular oases to refresh us daily, weekly, monthly. For me, it is the reward for having accomplished what I said I was going to do. Sometimes we lose sight of the need for the oasis because we think of it as a “big thing”. I believe that small and regular rewards keep us going better than looking for the “big thing”. But that’s just me. Whatever your preference, be aware of what your oasis might be. Build them in regularly.

It is that cold water out of the hose on a hot summer day.

Prayer: Father, you give us oases all around us, help us to see then, then use them to refresh us for our mission, Amen.

There is indeed a future, and your hope will never be cut off.                                                          Proverbs 23:18

As many of my long-time readers know, I consider March 1^st as the first day of Spring. Lots of reasons for this, but mostly it is about the hope of the return of life in nature. Plants will grow again, flowers will bloom, the days will have much more sunlight, outdoor activities will resume, and baseball will return. Hope is alive.

The recent death of Rev. Jesse Jackson brought back his mantra of “Keep Hope Alive”, the motto he used as he battled for civil rights. In line with this, I recently cited to a client the late Jim Valvano who, as he battled terminal brain cancer gave a noted speech where he said, “Don’t give up, don’t ever give up!”

Such positive outlooks are critical for us in these days of political uncertainty and conflict. So, as March 1^st comes, let us remind ourselves to “keep hope alive” and “don’t give up, don’t ever give up!”

Prayer: Lord, remind us daily to have hope and to never give up, Amen

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.        Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

I often start my counseling sessions with this question: “What was the best thing that happened for you in the past week?” If it had been longer than that since I saw the client, it would be “in the last two weeks”, or the “last month”, etc.

The point here is that I want to start off with some positives in their life. They are already coming to counseling because some things in their life are not going the way that they would like or like they would have imagined. Therefore, I want to start out with a positive or two.

By asking that question, I can also affirm what work they have accomplished, maybe with the homework I gave. I always give homework. You know, the work that will be of lasting help does not come in my office, it comes from using tools we discussed and behaving in different ways with their personal disciplines, or in their relationships with others.  

We can then discuss current concerns or problems that they want to bring forward in counseling. Which brings me to a frequent second question: “What is the best thing we should talk about today?”

I want the client to own the content of the session, so they bring forth the topics. I will, however, ask them how the homework went. Accountability is important for both client and counselor. They are accountable for doing the work we discussed, and I am accountable for having reviewed their file and refreshing my understanding of their goals and progress.

Just a little picture today of my process of counseling. Hope this is encouraging for you as well!

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep positive thoughts in our day, Amen

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Out of the genius of Benjamin Franklin came the concept of the lightning rod. It is counterintuitive really since the object of the lightning rod is to get struck! As we know, the lightning rod absorbs the massive energy from a lightning bolt and thereby saves the building, on which it is perched, from harm. The lightning rod directs that massive energy to a safe place- the ground. The lightning rod is not harmed, usually, because it is an efficient channel to move the electricity to where it will cause no harm.

I was speaking with a couple the other day, and we discussed her role (unwanted) of being a lightning rod for her husband’s anger. While she is effective at deflecting his random energy into a safe place, and thereby allowing him to feel some relief, both needed to discuss this with another lightning rod- me.

I was not affected by their storm of energy and hurt, and therefore I was a safe place to absorb all that energy. I did not take it personally, and I was not hurt at all.

Jesus was a lightning rod of sorts too. He willingly accepted the wrath of those around him who did not understand him. Many believed that he was a threat to the current order and system of worship. He was. Jesus attracted such pent up energy because people saw that he was different, and therefore, a threat.

Jesus absorbed our sins and dissipated the harm that would come from them. He directed that energy into healing and salvation for humankind. His body paid the ultimate price for that, but he arose from death and emerged as an on-going source of peace to those afflicted with hurt and pain.

Maybe you as a reader sometimes feel like a lightning rod for those around you. Consider how that affects you, and how you function in that role. Sometimes it helps to see that lightning rods can be of great use, as long as we understand the process and our role in it.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see our role in turning pain into peace, Amen

You are Peter, a stone; and upon this rock I will build my church; and all the powers of hell shall not prevail against it.                                                                                                                                               Matthew 16:18 (Living Bible)

Sometimes the words Christendom and Christianity are used interchangeably. They are not the same. Christendom is a term applied to countries and states where Christianity has historically been the dominant religion. In the Middle Ages and into the Age of Discovery, the concept of “Christendom” was used as a cover to give sanction to exploring powers to “Christianize heathen populations” and win those souls for Christ.  

I think we all know the problems that came from colonization, and the overpowering of indigenous cultures all in the name of “Christianizing”. This is to say that we can put sanitized labels on our behaviors in the name of God.

Alexis de Tocqueville, a renowned European scholar of the 19^th century who loved American ideals, said “In Europe, Christianity has permitted itself to be intimately united with the powers of the earth. Today these powers are falling and it is almost buried under their debris.”

His warning should be well heeded. To the extent that Christianity allies itself with governmental power, both suffer.  Neither Christians, nor the Church, need the power of a national state to prosper or to have influence. Indeed, the church only has influence to the extent that it is NOT allied with the governing state.

I am concerned about the people who advocate for Christian Nationalism. This is not healthy, neither for Christianity, nor the nation.

Prayer: Lord, you told us the Church will prevail through your power, Amen.

While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him Luke 5:12-13

I am always struck by how Jesus dealt with this leper who asked for healing. Jesus touched him. If there was ever a forbidden act in those times, it was to touch a leper. I think in that very act, Jesus not only healed the man of leprosy, he healed the man’s shame and isolation.                              

Human touch can be healing.

I was speaking with a client the other day about the long-term effects of maternal bonding and affection. Rather, I was pointing out that the lack of such primary nurture and cuddling can lead to failure to bond, and long-term effects such as feelings rejection and abandonment.

The classic study done in this area was that of Harry Harlow, who used macaques for some of his studies. The baby macaques were separated from their mother, and the mother was replaced by either a wire framework that resembled an adult macaque mother, or one with cloth that gave warmth and comfort to the touch. The babies gravitated to the “cloth mothers”, searching for reassurance and affection. The babies deprived of the “cloth mothers” grew up isolated socially, and unsure of their place in the framework of the macaque community.

The Harlow studies were controversial due to later questions of ethics in that the treatment of the animals could be considered cruel and inhumane. Some other studies of Harlow were also somewhat dubious in their approaches, but some valuable information was gleaned from the studies.

The need for touch and warmth at the earliest possible time in life is essential for attachment and proper development of affection. It is interesting that recently a Japanese baby macaque named “Punch” has made the news. He had been rejected by his mother. He was given a cloth doll macaque, and he carried it around as his only “friend”, after having been rejected by his troop. It was a sad and poignant story, which recently seemed to end well as he recently was reunited with a “mother” member of the troop, and he got his first real hug.

 We learn very quickly that we need loving touch to survive in this world. We learn, even before we have language, or brain capacities that are cognitively aware of our surroundings, that human touch is essential. It gives security in a world that is completely unknown. The earliest sensations of warmth and cuddling are critical in our development.

Let’s not diminish the need for physical touch and affirmation as we grow. While some people need such affirmation more than others, all of us need the grounding and anchoring, and indeed the validation that we physically need one another’s touch.

So, if you are a “hugger”, get your daily hug from your loved ones. It is good for you and them!

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the gift of healing, even in a loving touch, Amen

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver                                     Proverbs 25:11

Sometimes when I talk with clients, I ask them “What gives you Oxygen?” The idea, of course, is “what energizes you, gives you extra reason to persevere, drives you to be your best?” When they have considered that, we discuss ways to increase that “Oxygen” for them.

Then I might ask, “What gives your partner/spouse Oxygen?” Sometimes the client knows what gives their partner such a boost, but they may feel too depleted themselves to offer such Oxygen to their partner. Or, they may feel hurt by their partner, and they knowingly, or unknowingly, withhold that life-giving thing.  

We all need Oxygen, literally, to live. Yet we also need that emotional or spiritual Oxygen too. Consider what your Oxygen is, and what that might be for those around you whom you love.

Prayer: Lord, help us to understand what life-giving things we can give to ourselves, and to those around us Amen

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit                II Corinthians 4:8

I took this picture while on a walk in a state park. It struck me because it showed the tenacity of life. This tree was fighting for life in a near impossible situation. It is literally growing sideways on this hill because there was no other place to grow. It is now competing for the sunlight it needs to survive, and somehow, it is surviving.

I have written in the past about growing where we are planted. Sometimes, we can grow even if we were not planted correctly. I think of people who have managed to deal with disabilities and adversities that I could not imagine surviving, much less thriving. But with tenacity and determination, people can overcome so many incredible things.

So, my friends, whatever you have been dealt, there is a way, somehow, to overcome. It may not look the same as the life of other people, but you can find a way.

Prayer: Lord, help us to never give up, and find a way to overcome adversity and prosper, Amen

And so, dear brothers, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living sacrifice, holy—the kind he can accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?  Romans 12:1 (Living Bible)

This is a post I make every February 22. I think we should be intentional in honoring heroes, so here is my tribute…

Today is February 22^nd. Almost everybody remembers it as the birthday of a celebrated hero. I remember it as the birthday of two heroes, both born on February 22, but separated by 179 years. That other, less celebrated hero, was my mother, born February 22, 1911. Both of these heroes freely sacrificed for others, and both endured hardships in those acts of service. George Washington has been celebrated worldwide, especially of course in America.

My mother, on the other hand, lived a quiet life, bearing four children, and grieving the loss of a miscarriage. She did not come from wealth, and she had to work early in life, even working days and going to “night school” to complete her high school diploma. My dad owned a bakery in the Clifton Heights area of Cincinnati (near UC and where he grew up), and mom worked in the bakery with him to help make the business survive.  

Mom had a deep faith, and she made sure that her kids did too. We all knew the expectations that mom had for us, and we had better (and we did) live up to them. There was no question about those expectations- regular attendance at Mass, Catholic education through college, good grades, hard work, and regular disciplines to maintain physical and spiritual health.

Mom took in her mother after grandma suffered a debilitating stroke in 1959, and mom cared for her until grandma died, in our house, in 1967.  Mom did not complain, nor did she let others know of all the sacrifices she made for her family. Mom’s selfless lifestyle was visible, but not expressed to others by her very much.

She lived a quiet, but powerful life- one that honored her God and her family. She is one of the heroes born on February 22, and now you know about the hero less celebrated, but the one more beloved.

Prayer: Lord thank you for the sacrifice of those who lay down their lives in the service of others, Amen.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens                     Ecclesiastes 3:1

Just a quick observation today. I was recently watching a commercial that featured Kareem Abdul Jabar (whom I originally knew as Lew Alcindor), and he looked old. That is because Kareem Abdul Jabar is old. He is advertising a product that fits my demographic.  Yes, apparently, I am old too.

It does not seem like that long ago that Lew Alcindor broke onto the national scene at UCLA under coach John Wooden, and his freshman team beat the defending national champion upperclassmen Bruins. In those days, freshmen were not eligible to play varsity. Had Alcindor been allowed to play, UCLA would have won the national championship his freshman year.

Alcindor literally changed the game of college basketball. Because of his dominance, dunking the basketball was disallowed for several years- just to level the playing field due to his talent. Later, Alcindor led UCLA to national titles, and later, as Kareem Abdul Jabar, he had earned several NBA championships.

But now, he is an old man, like me. The memories are great, but reality remains. Another generation takes over. I don’t really, in some ways, see myself as old, but when I am in meetings and some other social gatherings, I am the oldest guy in the room.

Funny how we see ourselves just a bit differently than reality, right?

Prayer: Lord, you have been so good to allow us to see seasons of change over our lifetime, Amen