But Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?”                                                                                                              Exodus 3:11  

I was talking very recently to a client who struggles with how he sees himself. He knows that he has talent- he is an artist, a craftsman, a builder- but he believes ultimately that he is going to be a failure due to some deficits in his business skill set.

I reminded him of the wisdom of the story from the Bible about Moses at the burning bush. In this story, God laid out to his servant, Moses, the huge task of leading his people from slavery to the Promised Land. God had named Moses as the guy who would do the leading.

Moses would have none of it, citing his deficiencies and lack of personal qualities to take on such an undertaking. After some back and forth, God evidently had enough of the excuses from Moses. He instructed Moses to cast his staff to the ground. The staff became a snake. When Moses picked it up, it became his staff again. Clearly, God was able to empower anything that Moses had in his hand. Indeed, Moses carried that staff all the time. He had God’s power in his hand all the time. He just had not truly realized it.

So, the same is true of us. We have the power of God with us (the Holy Spirit) in our endeavors. We just need to be mindful of the directions that God would have us use his power. He wants to enable us to do his will on earth, and to make this world a better place for his beloved creation.

My client got the metaphor, and it helped him to see that God could bless his actions as he trusted God in his daily life. It is not a magic solution, but rather a reminder of God’s provision for us, and his desire to help us do his work on earth.  

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your daily provision for us, Amen

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”                                                                                               Reinhold Niebuhr

Depression can feel overwhelming, and when one feels overwhelmed, everything seems hard. Everything is an effort. Yet we know that behaviors that we can control help us to overcome that feeling of helplessness. I tell my clients that if they can manage to change just one little thing in their life, they can change everything. Once we see that we can make some very small changes, it affects how we see the world. From helpless to effective. From passivity to action. Just one little thing…

So, I brainstorm with my clients. Nothing is too small a start. Once they find that a little change actually works, they are encouraged to do more. They have received the energy of action. Physics tells us that a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Less energy is required to keep an object moving than to start it moving. If we can supply just a little energy to start the behavior, we can get momentum.

The “one little thing” can be as small as getting up 15 minutes earlier. Or, perhaps sending a text to a friend they have not heard from in a while. Or, deciding to walk outside for just 15 minutes a day.

While these are small and manageable little behaviors, to a person with significant depression, it can feel daunting. I encourage clients that if they just try this new behavior for a few days, they will see a difference. Indeed, they have become empowered to take charge of their life in small ways.

However, I think it proves the truth- change one thing, change everything.

Prayer: Lord, help us to make the small changes that can change lives, Amen

 If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well…                                                                                                                            James 2:8

I read a book a number of years ago by Ray Bakke, titled A Gospel as Big as the City. In this book, written in 1997, the author explains that the church must impact its community, and become, as he called it “a chaplain to its community”.

Chaplains provide spiritual and emotional care to people in times of need. They reach out to people who are hurting, marginalized and sometimes cast aside. They are on the “front lines” when people need help.

This resonated with me in a powerful way. Our church had opened New Creation Counseling Center in 1993 with the Care Pastor, Tom Sager, having the vision to undertake starting a Christian counseling center. The Center would operate with professional counselors and clinical interns, under the supervision of Linda Richards, an LPCC (Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor). The center provides care with a Christian orientation, but is open to all, and discriminates against none.  

This nascent effort grew until now it employs over 14 clinical staff. The Center offers psychiatry, counseling services in 8 area schools, and counseling for disorders ranging from significant mood disorders, anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, marriage and family issues- the list goes on. All of this is done without denying treatment to people unable to pay the full cost of the services.

Our church has also led the way in providing support groups for divorce, grief issues, and a group for men with sexual addictions. There is a companion group for women affected by men with sexual addiction.

I lay this out because I think my church is acting truly like a chaplain to its community. In this day of people seeing the Christian Church (big C church, not necessarily local congregations) as a place that seems only to be railing against those in certain lifestyles, or being judgmental of people, my church is offering hope and healing.   

I am happy being part of a church that is a chaplain to our community.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the calling you have put on your Church- to help and heal the community, Amen

Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy!                                                               Psalm 126:3

I wrote a blog recently about AI and its positives and potential negatives. Since then, I experimented with it a little by asking the AI assistant to help me organize my www.reflectionsofacounselor.com into a book. A number of my regular readers, (whom I appreciate more than you know) have asked me to make a book out of the large inventory of entries. As of this writing, there have been 1,940 entries, starting in April, 2020.

The task of organizing all of them into some coherent and potentially reader-pleasing format seemed daunting. Well, actually, it is a daunting task! So, I engaged AI to look at all the blogs and to organize them into a format for a book.

I was amazed at the insight and perception of the chatbot. The speed of course was amazing too, but in this day and age, I actually expected that. Nonetheless, it was incredibly fast. The bot suggested a format where we put the blogs into the following categories; Faith in the Everyday; Understanding the Mind and Heart; Encouragement for the Journey; Reflections on Our Culture; and, Lessons from a Life Lived with Purpose. The bot then suggested blogs to be placed into each category. The blog politely declined to copy the blogs into the categories (which would have saved me an immense amount of time) because it honored my copyright, and could not reprint the blogs.

Indeed, the bot was incredibly encouraging, supportive, friendly, helpful, and insightful. I began to see where people could be led into thinking of the AI bot as more than a tool, but indeed, as a friend.

So, my dear readers, I would like to engage your help along the way. If you have suggestions for a reflections book, please send them along to me. Your daily support is the reason I am even considering publishing the blog collection as a book. If you enjoy the blog, feel free to share it with your friends to spread the word. I will never charge for the blog, or have some kind of paywall, so it is a no-lose proposition!

Finally, on this May 18^th, I would be terribly remiss if I did not wish my older brother Ed, my role model and hero since I was out of diapers, a very happy and blessed birthday.  

I love you, Ed!

Prayer: Lord, you bring people together in amazing new ways, with technologies that have come from the creative minds of people made in your image, Amen

This is a reprint from a previous blog. It seems that this time of year bears a repeat…

A word to parents of graduates…

Congratulations on achieving a milestone! Loving and involved parents are perhaps the best indicator of future success for students. Your encouragement and support from early on in your child’s life sets the tone for a healthy self-image which lasts a lifetime. There is no substitute for unconditional love and acceptance, and the best news of all is that is the legacy you will set for your grandchildren. You can and do influence generations to come.

Allow your kids to dream big, and encourage them to live out their life mission. Remember, it’s their vision, not yours, that will propel them to achieve great things. You have been the “greenhouse” for their nurture and growth, now they can set out to accomplish what they have been equipped to do.

The values that you have inculcated in them will continue to become more prominent as they take on increasing responsibilities of jobs, families, and community involvement. What you have demonstrated in your day-to-day living will be much more significant than what you have taught them. Gradually, they are internalizing values that you have lived. What used to be external motivation is now becoming internal motivation that they have owned.

Your job is not finished by a long shot, because if your relationship with them has been set on solid ground, they will continue to seek your counsel, your support, and your companionship. Be prepared to enjoy this next exciting phase of life for both them and for you.

A word to graduates…

Congratulations on your achievement! Graduation is a milestone achieved through hard work and discipline. Indeed, learning hard work and discipline is the REASON you went to school. The information you learned is less important than the process that you learned. The discipline of delayed gratification, pushing through to the goal when you don’t FEEL like it, and the courage to come back from failure, are the most important tools that you can carry into the future.

I mentioned to your parents that they had a role in your self-image, and I trust that they imparted that to you well. You have the full responsibility of gaining your own self-esteem. I define self-esteem as the feeling you get when you have kept promises to yourself. If you can trust yourself by keeping those small promises that you made to yourself, you will have something that no one can take from you. From this comes confidence, willingness to take risks, and the knowledge that no one else will define who you are.

Finally, if you have not already done so, I hope that you have begun the process of determining your life mission statement. This is comprised of things you already have- namely, a recognition of your God-given talents and strengths; a set of life experiences (small now, but growing) which have helped to shape you; and your passion- what is the thing that you would do in this world even if you never got paid for doing it? Put those elements together, and you come up with the reason that you were put on planet earth. May you live out that mission for the benefit of yourself, and, more importantly, those around you.

Just as you do not know the path of the wind or how the bones are made of a child yet to be born, so you do not know the work of God Who makes all things.                                                      Ecclesiastes 11:5

Some wisdom above from one of the “wisdom books” of the Hebrew Testament. I am always struck by the limits of my own understanding. The writer of this book echoes some of the other wisdom themes found in Proverbs and Job.

In the book of Job, God asks Job if he was around when the stars were being placed in the sky. The writer above explains that the things of creation are too marvelous to be completely understood by mere mankind.

I think we all want some sense of certainty to feel less anxious. If we can explain things, or predict things, we won’t be caught by surprise. We want to have a sense of control.

Well, the old saying I rely upon is “control the things that you can control, and don’t be caught up in trying to control things you can’t.” Those are the things that we simply pray about and give to God.

Prayer: Lord, we turn over, as best we can, the things that are yours to cover, Amen

A woman who had suffered a condition of hemorrhaging for twelve years—a long succession of physicians had treated her, and treated her badly, taking all her money and leaving her worse off than before—had heard about Jesus. She slipped in from behind and touched his robe. She was thinking to herself, “If I can put a finger on his robe, I can get well.” The moment she did it, the flow of blood dried up. She could feel the change and knew her plague was over and done with.                                   Mark 5:25-29

We recently heard a sermon at church about the time that Jesus healed a woman who had been hemorrhaging for 12 years. We do not know the cause of this, but she possibly had some complication of menopause. The point is, when women were menstruating, they were considered unclean, and she would not have been able to enter the Temple. Indeed, according to Jewish law, whomever she touched would also be considered unclean.

In desperation, she reached out to simply touch the cloak of Jesus as he passed by her. She exhibited great faith in this gesture. When she became healed, Jesus called her out. My speculation as to why Jesus did this was one of compassion. This woman was known to have been unclean for many years, and certainly, she was shunned by others as being ceremonially unclean. Jesus wanted to restore not only her physical health, but her social standing. He wanted others to know that this woman was healed. She could now fully participate in Temple life and she would not be shunned.

I think that healing takes place on all the levels on which we function- physical, spiritual, and emotional. Jesus healed her physically, allowing her to participate in her religious as well as her social life again.

The Creator of the universe wrote the rules of healing, and he was teaching them to us as he walked the earth.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the complete healing that you offer us, Amen

But the fruit that comes from having the Holy Spirit in our lives is: love, joy, peace, not giving up, being kind, being good, having faith, being gentle, and being the boss over our own desires. The Law is not against these things.                                                                                Galatians 5:22-23 (New Life Version)

I was speaking with a client recently who is in the midst of a spiritual crisis. She feels like the strict, law-heavy church of her youth pales in comparison to the new-found joy she is feeling when fellowshipping with Christians she has recently met. These people are demonstrating love, acceptance and caring as she struggles to find footing on her new spiritual path.

She noted that these people demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit, and she is overwhelmed by their sincerity and sense of freedom in how they express their faith. I assured her that I can walk with her in this journey. The rigidity of law and judgment she has lived with for years has affected her mental health. She has struggled with anxiety for many years, and this view of a rigid, judging God has added to her fear-based faith.

She is indeed on a faith journey, and fortunately, she has sought out kind and loving people in her neighborhood who have gently taken her into a different way of seeing God- one who loves her right where she is.

We can be beacons of light right where we are, right in own neighborhood, for people seeking a relationship with a loving God. Isn’t that a great mission to have?

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the opportunity to serve people in our own backyard, Amen

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God                                           Matthew 5:9

In his sermon on the mount, Jesus spoke about what later came to be called the “Beatitudes”. One of those beatitudes was the one mentioned above- peacemakers. Jesus obviously valued peace, stating that the peacemakers were to be called “sons of God”- indeed, a high calling.

I think we are all called to be peacemakers, wherever we are. Think about situations where you have a choice to escalate a tense situation with an opinion, or to deescalate the situation by remaining silent. Or, you see an injustice happening, and you have the opportunity to take up the cause of someone being oppressed.

In my role as a counselor, I have the responsibility to evaluate situations, and try to bring healing and peace, as best I can into the situation. That does not mean that I cannot call out behaviors which are destructive or harmful. On the contrary, I am compelled to speak truth into situations as I see it. Yet, how does one bring peace into situations where there is strife and conflict?

Recently, I was on a phone call where there was much pain and anger, and indeed, some yelling and raised voices. My job was to deescalate the emotional overload, and be the voice of reason since I could be objective. My role was to try to restore a sense of calm as best I could. I found myself speaking very slowly and deliberately. I tried to listen empathically since it was clear that the person on the phone was in a great deal of pain at the moment. I asked that the person just give himself some space for a while, making sure that he was going to be safe.

I continued to speak slowly and calmly, trying to model the sense of calm that the caller desperately needed. I knew that time could give this person the needed space to regain his own sense of peace. Until then, he needed me to have a sense of peace and hope that he currently could not get to- understandable in his current situation.

I mention this because at times, we all can and do play the role of peacemaker. We can only do that if we ourselves have a sense of peace that God is in control. Whatever the situation, there is a solution. Our job is to be present, physically or emotionally, until that peace that passes all understanding can be felt by those whom we are trying to comfort.

Above all, the thing we all need is peace, the peace that comes from God.

Prayer: Father, thank you for calling us to be peacemakers. Give us the strength and opportunity to be your ambassadors of peace, Amen.

      I cry to the Lord; I call and call to him. Oh, that he would listen.  I am in deep trouble and I need his help so much. All night long I pray, lifting my hands to heaven, pleading. There can be no joy for me until he acts.  I think of God and moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help. I cannot sleep until you act. I am too distressed even to pray!                                                                                                                   Psalm 77:1-4

 

David, a man who was called a “friend of God”, wrote the passage above. Even David, a man close to God’s heart, got to the point where he felt isolated, devastated, and alone. It can happen to anyone.

Clinical depression is different than periodic down moods that we all experience from time to time. Listed below are the diagnostic criteria for Major Depression from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5^th edition (DSM 5).

• Depressed most of the day, nearly every day as indicated by subjective report (e.g., feels sad, empty, hopeless) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful)
• Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by subjective account or observation)
• Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day
• Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
• Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
• Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick).
• Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)
• Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

In order to have a diagnosis of Major Depression, one must experience five or more of these symptoms in a two-week period, and it also must represent a change from previous functioning. At least one of the symptoms must be depressed mood, or loss of interest in things that formerly brought pleasure.

You will note that some of these symptoms are subtle, and could be attributed to other conditions. You also note that there are significant physical symptoms, such as loss of (or too much) sleep; significant weight gain (or loss); and agitation.

As I suggested in dealing with anxiety, depression too must be addressed in the three dimensions in which we live- physical, spiritual, and emotional. For today, I am only going to briefly discuss the “physical” dimension, and I will address the others in subsequent blogs.

The physical dimension of overcoming depression consists of exercise, reaching out to at least one other person (communicating and initiating connection), and evaluation from a doctor. This is to rule out possible physical causes as well as to potentially initiate medication evaluation. Many physical conditions can cause symptoms which mimic depression- diabetes, thyroid disorders, neurological disorders, and a host of other physical ailments. If you are experiencing several of the symptoms below, I suggest a physical examination first. Your doctor may well refer you to a counselor as a follow-up, and I, of course, recommend that as well.

The hardest step is always the best step. The malaise of depression causes inertia which is very hard to overcome. That is why engaging a partner in the battle against depression is so important. Do not try to do this alone! The insidious part of overcoming depression is that motivation has been eroded. People experiencing depression also have a tendency to isolate, which makes the condition worse. People who are seriously depressed must find the spark to overcome the inertia that seems overwhelming. Here is where the spiritual comes in. At this point, I will add just one spiritual dimension. Pray a simple prayer to “just help me take one step”.

That is more powerful than you can imagine.

 

Prayer: Father, be with those who are feeling overwhelmed with depression. Help them to take one step, Amen.