Let the heavens rejoice, and let the earth be glad;
    let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
    let the field be joyful, and all that is in it…                                                                                           Psalm 96:11-12

Today, I simply put out a question to my dear readers. What is the best thing that you do for your own mental health? What practices do you have that give you peace in the midst of anxiety? What kinds of things do you do when you feel depressed?

I am not asking here for you to share those things, unless of course you want to. I am simply asking the question to help us to pause and think of those things which refresh or replenish us. Sometimes, we just intuitively do those things, and that is great. I always suggest to my clients that they try to become aware of those things that soothe them so that they can be proactive in utilizing those habits, practices, or just fun, even quirky things that help when they need some comfort or relief from the stresses of life.

So, think about it, jot down a couple of things, then do not hesitate to use those valuable tools when you need a lift.

Blessings!

P.S. One of the things I do for my mental well-being is follow baseball. Therefore, I need to say to Willie Mays, a childhood hero, Happy 90^th Birthday Willie Mays!

Prayer: Lord, you give us good gifts in many places. Help us to identify them and appreciate them, Amen

When I consider Your heavens,
    the work of Your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which You have established,
 what is man that You are mindful of him,
    and the son of man that You attend to him?                                                                                         Psalm 8:3-4 (Modern English Version)

As I write this blog, it is Star Wars Day. Yes, you know, May the fourth…                                  Do you remember when you first saw the first move in the franchise? It started, of course with Episode IV, something that we really did not understand as we sat in the theater watching that amazing scroll heading off into space. We were mesmerized by the graphics which, in 1977 were beyond amazing.

The movie unfolded, and we were struck with the levels of meaning that the writers, or we the audience, ascribed to it. Lots of action, heroes, villains, special effects, spiritual meaning, gripping plot line- I mean what else can you cram into a film? We just couldn’t wait until Episode V rolled out- three years later for heaven’s sake!

I think the franchise has been wildly successful for many reasons. It has gained world-wide acceptance and has been a fixed part of popular culture for generations. Part of the reason, I think, is that it reaches people at places where they want to be reached. People search for spiritual meaning in life, and Star Wars delivers in the way it portrays good vs. evil, and the faith level it takes for Luke to truly embrace The Force.

Our search for meaning even extends into our entertainment choices. I think this just reinforces that at every level, we are looking for something a little deeper. That is the amazing thing about how we are made, and our Maker too.

Prayer: Lord, you would have us seek you among everything in your creation. What a marvelous plan, Amen

Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.                                                                                                                    Romans 13:7

During the stress of COVID-19 in the past year, we have, as a society, become more aware of the insidious effects of this stressful year on our collective mental health. In particular, there are some professions which have suffered a great deal. In fact, people in these professions have always suffered from the trauma inflicted upon them by their work, but the past year has been a scourge for them in particular. I know them well, because my kids are in these professions- medicine and law enforcement.

People in these professions are always on call, ready to provide safety and life-saving measures. In so doing, they put themselves in harm’s way for society. We take for granted that we can call the police when there is trouble, or we can be taken to the Emergency Room when we face a life-threatening situation.

By virtue of their positions, medical and law enforcement professionals encounter people experiencing the worst times of their lives. When people are going through such times, they often lash out at the first person they see- even the ones who are trying to help. People in these life-saving professions become lightning rods for behavior that is unseemly or even out of control. Yet, these professionals who serve people must be IN control, rendering help to those who may not, or cannot, appreciate it at the time.

The cost? It is high. Constantly being on the stress grid, awaiting the next crisis; chronic hypervigilance to the environment, they are victims of PTSD by definition. All these things lead to a type of burnout that can be deadly. Suicide rates in these professions are higher than I want to think about. But maybe the hardest thing for me to swallow as a parent is seeing that the stress and suffering of these professions are often more or less taken for granted. Sometimes people even blame the healers and protectors for the woes they suffer themselves.

So, I think of Jesus who was sent to the death of shame on the cross, and while he was suffering for the sins of mankind, he was jeered and tortured. I am not suggesting exact equivalency of suffering here. Just that we take for granted the sacrifices made on our behalf by law enforcement and front-line medical workers.

Yes, I have skin in the game because I am concerned for my kids. But really, we all have skin in this game. We rely upon those professions- and many more- for our safety and well-being. Maybe a kind word and thoughtful responses from the media might help too. Law enforcement professionals in particular are suffering from media scrutiny that only adds to their sense of scorn and disrespect. Let’s also give honor where honor is due…

Prayer: Lord, thank you for those who serve us and pay the price for their service, Amen

 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.                                                                                                                                                                                       Philippians 4:8

One of the principles I share frequently with my clients is the idea of going toward the good rather than trying to avoid the bad. What do I mean by this? I think it is energy draining to try to avoid bad habits and behaviors. It is MUCH more energizing and life-giving to strive toward a goal that we want- a positive place.

I use the example of trying to run away from a dog that is chasing you. Eventually, we get tired of running away. The motivator is fear, and that works for a while, but it literally drains our energy. However, if we are striving toward a positive goal, we find ways to motivate ourselves toward the goal. We build in incentives and rewards, and we get encouragement from others with whom we have shared our goals. In short, we actually can get energized as we strive for a goal.

In situations with couples, I talk with them about not simply trying to avoid arguments, but actually finding ways to build one another up in little steps throughout the day or week. By concentrating on a positive behavior, they are automatically avoiding the troublesome behaviors that they do not like.

I remind people that they need to spend most of their time looking through the windshield, not constantly checking the rear-view mirror. Yes, we need to periodically need to check the mirror, but we need to keep our eyes on the road ahead the vast majority of the time.

So, let’s remember the word from Philippians-

 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.       

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the good words from Paul that contain such wisdom, Amen                                                                                                                                                                                  

Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness                                                                                                                                                    Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV)

It seems funny that a great encouragement can come from a book titled “Lamentations”. Yet, we get this great quote from a Bible book about national pain. Then again, maybe it makes all the sense in the world that an encouraging quote comes from a book about the lament of the destruction of Jerusalem- the literal worship center of the Israelites. The people who read these writings needed a great deal of encouragement. They got it in the middle of suffering.

Once again, the paradox of life always strikes me. We often get the greatest encouragement from those who are in the midst of suffering. In fact, it is much more meaningful to hear the story of an overcomer, and get encouragement from that, than it is to hear encouragement from one who has not known a great level of suffering. Don’t get me wrong, it is great to get encouragement wherever we can- we all need it. But to hear encouragement from an overcomer- that is deeply meaningful.

I have an old friend who has suffered all his life. He was born with a significant and debilitating epilepsy, and finally, at age 40, he received a surgery which essentially gave him almost complete relief. He got his driver’s license when he was 50, and he began driving others to appointments, doctor’s visits, etc. He has been on disability since he was a teenager because the brain damage he suffered in all those early years left him with some cognitive deficits that rendered him unable to do paid employment. Yet he has volunteered to serve others since he was about 20 years old, teaching disabled kids to learn how to swim. This guy volunteers almost everyday at a food pantry and other church ministries. This guy encourages others by his service every day.

 Let me tell you, that encourages me.

Prayer:  Lord, thank you for encouragers! Amen

Weep no more, my lady
No, weep no more, today
We sing one song
For my old Kentucky home
For my old Kentucky home
Far away.

(From My Old Kentucky Home, by Stephen Foster)

It pleases me that you continue to remember and honor me by keeping up the traditions of the faith I taught you. All actual authority stems from Christ.                                                                                          I Corinthians 11:2 (The Message)

Fiddler on the Roof is a great play and movie, so when I hear this word- Tradition-, I can’t help but think of Tevya on the roof, singing his haunting song. But today, I am thinking about some other traditions. One of them is the singing of My Old Kentucky Home before the Kentucky Derby. When the entire crowd sings along at the chorus, it just brings tears to my eyes. Why? I’m not sure. I am not from Kentucky, nor do I have southern roots. I suppose it is like the 7^th inning stretch when the crowd stands and sings together Take Me Out to the Ballgame. Whenever my son and I go to a ballgame, we stand, put arms around one another’s shoulder, and sing this traditional ditty. Yes, that gets me teary too.

Collective acts like singing common songs, or having long-standing practices that we have memorialized into the culture are very reassuring and strengthening. Things that we can count on in a changing environment bring us a sense of comfort.

So today, if you watch the Derby (and I will, because it is a great tradition), listen to the song and see how people join in together. Oh, and by the way, the song is not a racist relic of the Old South as some may think. This little piece from Smithsonian magazine is worth noting…

 Few of those singing along, however, may realize that the original lyrics were not a “Dixie”-esque paean but actually a condemnation of Kentucky’s enslavers who sold husbands away from their wives and mothers away from their children. As Foster wrote it, “My Old Kentucky Home” is actually the lament of an enslaved person who has been forcibly separated from his family and his painful longing to return to the cabin with his wife and children.

Yes, it is good to visit the origins of our traditions too. Let’s just make sure that we try to hold on to traditions worth keeping.

Prayer: Lord, you give us memories and rituals to give comfort in changing times. Thank you for that plan, Amen

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.                                                                                                    Isaiah 55:8-9

I am not a Bible scholar, nor am I a theologian. I am an observer of people and an admirer of grace. I recognize that there is much that I do not know about theology, but I do have a belief about the nature and character of God. He loves people. He loves his creation. He is not bound by our definitions, nor our understanding. He is sovereign, and he can do as he pleases, and I often do not understand his ways. But I trust them.

I feel comfortable with the answer “I don’t know”. I am OK with that position. In fact, in some cases, I don’t even know what I don’t know. The good news is that I do not need to have an answer for everything. I think too often we believe that there must be an explanation of why things happen, or “why does God do what he does?”

That is where this idea of prevenient grace comes in. My understanding of prevenient grace is that even before I have an inkling of who God is, or his power to redeem his creation, God provides grace for us to even begin the quest of understanding.  His grace is sufficient for my lack of understanding.

 I’m good with that.

Prayer: Thank you for the grace that you give, even before we know what grace really is, Amen

Good friend, take to heart what I’m telling you;
    collect my counsels and guard them with your life.
Tune your ears to the world of Wisdom;
    set your heart on a life of Understanding.
That’s right—if you make Insight your priority,
    and won’t take no for an answer,
Searching for it like a prospector panning for gold,
    like an adventurer on a treasure hunt,
Believe me, before you know it Fear-of-God will be yours;
    you’ll have come upon the Knowledge of God.                                                                                  Proverbs 2:1-5 (The Message)

Sometimes when I am introducing a new concept for clients, I am asking them to do something that feels uncomfortable- at least initially. Gradually, when practicing a new behavior, they warm up to it and it then becomes familiar, and then routine. This typically prompts me to talk about a learning model. It looks something like this…

Stage I Unconscious Incompetence– This is the stage where we don’t even know what we don’t know. This can be a problem, because at this stage, we might not even know that we have a problem or a lack at all. It is invisible to us until it is pointed out, or we come to an understanding that we are missing something.

Stage II Conscious Incompetence– At this stage we have become aware that we have a lack of something or a problem and we can now begin to work on a remedy for this situation. This can be uncomfortable, and it takes some humility to accept this stage. However, that is crucial to go on to the next stage.

Stage III Conscious Competence – This is an uncomfortable stage where we begin to practice new behaviors in order to learn and grow. It may feel awkward, contrived, and it makes us anxious because we are engaging in behaviors that do not feel natural. We do them because they are said to be helpful. This may take some real trust.

Stage IV Unconscious Competence– This is where we finally begin to feel comfortable. We have practiced the new behavior often enough that it comes naturally to us.

I think of this in terms of my early counseling career. At the very beginning, I did not even know what I didn’t know. I needed to be around competent people and just learn from them. I started practicing techniques and methods which I had learned are helpful practices, and I applied these principles, but early on, it sure was not comfortable. Gradually, years in, I felt increasingly comfortable, and I can now practice with significantly less anxiety because I know myself and feel comfortable with what I do.

That does not mean that there are still some “Stage I” things out there for me. We always need to be ready to learn. There are certainly things that I don’t know that I don’t know, but I am open to that and can work my stages to grow.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the ability to learn and grow, and it never stops, Amen

  Yet a few days, and thee   

The all-beholding sun shall see no more   

In all his course; nor yet in the cold ground,   

Where thy pale form was laid, with many tears,   

Nor in the embrace of ocean, shall exist   

Thy image. Earth, that nourished thee, shall claim   

Thy growth, to be resolved to earth again,

And, lost each human trace, surrendering up   

Thine individual being, shalt thou go   

To mix for ever with the elements,   

To be a brother to the insensible rock 

(From the poem Thanatopsis by William Cullen Bryant)

Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.  Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.                                                                                                                                                                                 John 12:24

I am not trying to be a real downer here today, because discussion of death need not be. We don’t like to think about it, of course, but, of course, it will happen. I started thinking about this poem because I am sitting out on my patio on a completely gorgeous morning looking at a spectacular crabapple tree that I planted on the day that I buried our beloved family dog, Maggie. I decided to plant a tree right next to her, because this would be a way that she could, in a way, continue to live. Her remains nourished that tree (obviously named the “Maggie Tree”), and today it remains lush and life-giving itself.

The flowers of that tree give beauty to the back yard, and the leaves give shade to the Hostas- you know, they sort of like shade. The branches provide homes for numerous birds, and I cannot tell you how many nests have been there over the years.

William Cullen Bryant stated in the poem that…

  Earth, that nourished thee, shall claim   

Thy growth, to be resolved to earth again,

And, lost each human trace, surrendering up   

Thine individual being, shalt thou go   

To mix for ever with the elements,   

    So it is in the circle of life. Death gives rise to new life- a perfect circle. The Bible speaks beautifully about this in many passages. The plan of creation and continuation of the life-cycle follow the laws of physics. The first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only altered in form. Matter and energy can go from one form to another, but it is never destroyed. Wow, what an amazing Creator!

Prayer: Lord we are awed by your plans for us and your creation, Amen

To answer before listening—
    that is folly and shame                                                                                                                      Proverbs 18:13

One of the instructions I give to clients in couples counseling is part of my “Fair Fighting Rules”. It goes like this… Try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and understand how they are seeing it. That does not mean that they are “right”, or even that you need to agree with it; just be willing to try to see the world the way that they see it. 

I further explain to my clients that good attorneys can understand the argument of their opponent so well, that they can argue his/her case. This, of course, is in preparation for their own case, the one they argue on behalf of their client.

My point is, we need to be able to listen to and understand the viewpoints of those with whom we disagree. This may take a great deal of patience and discipline, but it is valuable in order to be able to see the world from another’s viewpoint.

We can, and do, become very convinced of our positions on certain things- politics, religion, and a cultural understanding of our world. We all have opinions, and that is good. It means that we are thinking and actually care about the world we live in.

However, when we are trying to connect with others, and have meaningful and thoughtful conversations, we would do well to try to put ourselves, as best we can, into their shoes to see the world from that angle too before we judge it.

Prayer: Lord, give us the patience to hear matters fully before we answer, Amen