A fool utters all his mind, but a wise man keeps it in until afterwards.                                                     Proverbs 29:11

To answer before listening— that is folly and shame                                                                                 Proverbs 18:13

 

In these days of political and social controversies, it is tempting for all of us to simply unload our opinions, and try to convince one another of the truth of our position. Strongly held beliefs will do that to us, and there is, of course, nothing wrong with strongly held beliefs. There is also nothing wrong with expressing those beliefs. The problem comes in when our emotions get hooked, and we begin to let those emotions overcome our cognitive functions.

Our need to convince others is strong. It gets in the way of hearing the ideas of others. We are so focused on getting our point across that we fail to listen well. Our attention is consumed with formulating our next point, our refutation, so that we do not fully hear another point of view.

Once, when I needed to terminate the services of someone I supervised, I agonized over using just the right words to let this person know that they were being terminated. At that moment, I think I heard the voice of God in my head say, “Don’t try to use the perfect words. Nothing you say will convince this person that being fired is a good thing. Just speak your truth in love and let me do the rest.”

That was truth. I simply needed to speak the truth in love, and let God do the convincing in his time. It worked out well- but not immediately. It took time, but just some months later, that person told me that the firing was a relief, and there was a better plan for her life.

The point here is that my best efforts will not likely convince someone else of my truth. Speaking what I believe is a good thing. Trying to force that belief on someone else just does not seem to work well most of the time.

So, we speak our truth, we let go, listen well, and let peace reign.

Prayer: Father, give us the discipline to listen well, speak our truth in love, and let go of the outcome, Amen.

 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness                                                                                                                                                                    I John 1:9

“We have met the enemy, and he is us”                                                                                                                   Pogo (Comic Strip Character)

A good mental health principle is that of self-awareness. Recognizing thinking errors, and owning them, is the start of peace and recovery. The first step of the 12 Steps is one of humility- e.g. “I have a problem, and it is bigger than me”

America has a problem with racism, and it is not the province of one sector of society, it is an unfortunate outgrowth of sin and errors of our thinking, individually and collectively.

I also recognize that as a white male, I have a particular viewpoint that is not, cannot be, the full view of the problem of racism. I have not lived as an African-American, and I literally cannot imagine what that experience is like. So, I do not want to minimize the pain and rage that must be felt in these very troubling times. We are digging at scars that have been in America for centuries, and to predict or assume what the African-American experience is like would be hubris at its worst.

In the pain and rage of seeing years of injustice and racism, we sometimes react in ways that are not thoughtful. I understand that. We are human. We have seen a great deal of anger and rhetoric all over the media, and it is important that we have real, honest discussions about racism in America.

Racism has been woven into the fabric of American society since its inception. Racism is a sin that has plagued mankind kind since the dawn of time. The recent discussions, outrage and demonstrations are hopefully an awakening that has been brewing for decades. But that discussion must be engaged in with care, understanding and openness.

Police departments have been singled out for racist reactions. Indeed, there have been police officers who have failed in their duty, made mistakes, and some were even malevolent. These are, unfortunately, true statements. But we cannot believe that the racism problem largely lies with law enforcement. That would minimize the problem of racism. That would be a disservice to police officers everywhere who serve their community with honor, and protect that community, sometimes with the loss of their own lives.

I cannot fully appreciate what it is like for African-American parents who fear for their children on the streets of America every night. It would be cruel and foolish for me to say that I know what the experience of parenting must be like for African-Americans. There has been too much history of young African-American males being abused and even killed because of failures of law enforcement officers. I have just an inkling though of what it must be like for African-American parents who fear for their child, just because they are out on the streets.

I have a son who is a police officer.

We paint with too broad a brush in our reaction and rage. Police officers are people with families who worry about them every night too. Those families send them out with similar worries of their loved ones not returning home because of the actions of someone else- someone who may judge them without thinking.  We wouldn’t need police if we were a society without sin. But we are not.

So, the answer to start healing from the sin of racism is to confess it. Then we are in the beginning of healing and forgiveness.

Prayer: Father, forgive us for our sins, of racist thinking and actions. Give us your clarity as we seek your justice and healing, Amen.

The tendency of a system, especially the physiological system of higher animals, to maintain internal stability, owing to the coordinated response of its parts to any situation or stimulus that would tend to disturb its normal condition or function.

In entomology- the ability of members of a colony of social insects to behave cooperatively to produce a desired result, as when bees coordinate the fanning of their wings to cool the hive. 

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid.                                                                                                                      John 14:27

As I was thinking about today’s reflection, I had decided to write about homeostasis. That, in my own simple definition, is a way to return to some balance to feel secure once again after disruptive life events. Nature tends to do that- find a way to restore a balance of some type, some type of predictability so that we do not live in fear and uncertainty.

Then as I went to dictionary.com to look up the official definition of homeostasis, I saw that there were definitions for several systems. I saw the one for entomology, and it struck me that insects will instinctively, at least social insects, go to extraordinary lengths to restore the colony, or the hive, to restore health or to repel invaders. I described one of those activities above.

I marvel at creation even at the lowest levels. Somehow, they have been wired to act cooperatively for the good of the entire social order.

Our bodies find ways to compensate for functions that have been lost, such as in certain brain injuries where other parts of the brain take over, after time, some functions that have been lost by injury or disease.

We are now trying, as all the pundits are saying, to “find a new normal.”

We have great need for homeostasis right now. We need a sense of internal stability to feel safe and secure.

Before Jesus went to the cross, he said to his disciples, Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid.

We need to take heart from the great teachers of the world- Jesus, who came to redeem a broken world, and the lowest of creatures such as bees, who work together for the common good of their environment.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the examples all around us of restoration. Thank you for your son, who restores our soul, Amen.

“Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”                                                                                                    Michael Douglas portraying financier Gordon Gekko from the movie “Wall Street” 

“The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Some have wandered away from the faith and have impaled themselves with a lot of pain because they made money their goal.”                                     I Timothy 6:10

Which quote above do you think I might go with here today?

Today’s reflection is not the usual type to which you have become accustomed in this space, so thank you dear reader, for indulging me the opportunity to vent a frustration. In doing so, I confess that I will take a complex issue, and I will reduce it to a simple plea. I will look at Major League Baseball (MLB) as simply a fan. I do not know the complexities of the financial arguments that bind the parties involved- the owners and players. I do know that the greed which clouds the issue for both sides, has an effect beyond the parties who are negotiating. It hurts fans, even casual ones. It also hurts the thousands of people who are employed by all the associated business activity generated by the sport.

At a time when we really need baseball, and MLB desperately needs this particular time to reclaim some fan interest and energy, we witness a contest of wills that will hurt everybody.

Fans have a stake in this as well, yet we do not get to sit at the bargaining table. Fans have invested considerable emotional capital in their teams. Owners count on this loyal support. Fans have provided significant financial support as well, not only in ticket and concession sales, but also in sales of licensed gear, and often in “sweetheart deals” given to baseball owners by city/county governments for stadium construction, as well as tax incentives.

Short-term, greedy thinking by both sides will hurt baseball in the long run. Now, I know that it is easy for me to give away other peoples’ money. But as I said, I am simply thinking like a fan here. I see the game suffer, losing a mountain of potential goodwill which could be gained by getting back on the field as soon as restrictions to sports are lifted.

Since I believe that baseball is a venerated institution in America, the leaders of it have a responsibility to hold it as almost a public trust. The owners, Commissioner and players need to look beyond the short-term financial impact for themselves and consider the longer-term consequences that go beyond their immediate bottom line.

Greed has consequences. People get hurt both financially and emotionally. We have often heard the expression, “Take one for the team”- meaning, sometimes we need to sacrifice ourselves for the good of the team.

I say to players, owners, and the Baseball Commissioner, how about “Taking one for the fans?”

“For I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.”        Philippians 4:13

Today is June 6^th. On this day, 76 years ago, the invasion of Normandy took place, an event which ultimately signaled the defeat of Nazi Germany. The bravery of the soldiers, sailors, and airmen that participated in that invasion should never be forgotten, so today I begin the reflection with that remembrance. Just pause and offer a prayer of thanks to honor the participants, as well as the fallen of that day…

The opportunities for making heroic, strong decisions, such as ones in the hands of commanders of D-Day are rare. Most of us are not in the position to make dramatic decisions that affect the lives of thousands, even millions of people. But we are always in the practice of making small decisions which affect us as well as those around us.

So often, I see in my clients some hindering mindsets that have been ingrained early in life. Some have not had confidence instilled in them, or some were even abused physically or emotionally, and never gained the identity of seeing themselves as successful.

There is the story about chaining elephants that is instructive. One could never chain a full grown elephant to a stake in the ground. The huge, powerful animal would easily break the chain and go free. However, if an elephant, as a baby, is chained, even with a relatively small chain, he will learn that he cannot break free. The chafing of the chain will also reinforce the futility of the struggle, and the baby elephant will accept his fate, and just quit trying to escape.

As the elephant grows into maturity and strength, he could easily break free of his bonds- but he doesn’t try. He has learned that he is shackled, and accepts his fate and the limited territory to which he has been held since infancy.

Now, chaining elephants is a terrible thing and it should never be practiced, but the point is illustrative. Sometimes we learn as children that we are unable to succeed at something, so we simply stop trying. Even when we are older, and have gained skills, knowledge, wisdom, we feel restrained by past ingrained notions of inability to move forward, and we stop trying new, challenging things.

In counseling, we use the phrase, “Change one thing, change everything”. If we can muster the strength and courage to change one thing, we can change everything.

Prayer: Father thank you for the gift of free will, and the ability to decide. Give us wisdom and courage in doing so, Amen.

 

And yet… “God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners”                                                                                                                                                                      Romans 5:8

Our country is reeling from racial strife, an economic blow from a pandemic, and uncertain and tentative recovery plans, and yet we continue on.

Our country has a shameful history of racial oppression, toward African-Americans, Native Americans, Japanese internment during World War II, and toward other minority groups. Early immigrants to America faced discrimination and persecution before finally being assimilated into mainstream culture, and yet we survived and thrived.

Our legal system has been co-opted at various points in history so that it denied justice to people of color or people with little means, and yet we maintain an openness in that judicial process that many in the world envy.

We are seeing upheaval and demonstrations in the streets of American cities, which at times became over the line in violence, and yet, they have by and large been peaceful, attended by people of all races, colors, and age.

We are beset by social media inflamed by emotions, which has truth mixed in with error, assumptions, and downright lies, and yet, our freedom of speech principle survives as a beacon for the world.

We have strayed far from being the beacon on the hill envisioned by early immigrants to the “New World” centuries ago, and yet, this country has stood as the hope of democracy for a world that still yearns for the freedoms we enjoy.

Yes, our country is flawed suffering, and yet, America endures the pain, recognizes past sins, and holds hope for overcoming those sins.

So, we grieve the injustices of our past. We humbly and collectively ask God for forgiveness, and we name the demon of racism. Now we can, if we so determine, begin work together to cast it out.

Prayer: Father, thank you for this country we love. We are flawed and yet hopeful because of your love for us, Amen

We break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every thought and make it obey Christ.                                                                                               II Corinthians 10:5

We are surrounded every day with situations which are challenging. Even our own thoughts often tend to work against us at times. We have messages, often triggered by events around us- comments from other people, the seemingly constant parade of negative news stories, etc.- which can really put our minds into a place of tension and despair.

The verse from II Corinthians reminds us that we need to take hold of our thoughts, and conform them to the worldview which we hold to be life changing and life-saving.

Sometimes we get caught up in an anxiety response, an emotional and physiological reaction that is immediate. That physical/emotional response comes quickly, and the cognitive (executive part of our brain) weighs in later. That is really how we are wired in our fight/flight response system, and it often serves us very well. It can protect us from danger, but it can run away with us if we don’t use the executive part of our brain to regulate when the initial trigger is gone.

The writer Paul suggests that we become aware of our thoughts, own them, then take charge of them, and not let them take charge of us. We need to speak truth to the thoughts that tell us something else. Our anxieties and insecurities can give us wrong messages which must be tested in the light of truth. To do that, we must take charge of the input in our minds.

The truth does set us free, we just need to slow down the emotions of the moment and put our cognitive, our “executive brain”, in charge.  This takes discipline and patience, things which are in shorter supply when we have few margins in our life.

So when we feel stressed, angry, fearful- whatever negative emotion comes up, we need to take the thoughts captive. We need to ask, “Is this truthful?” “Is this loving?’ Is this helpful?” That way we can slow things down and respond in ways that are honoring to ourselves and others.

Prayer: Lord give us the patience and discipline to take our thoughts captive and conform them to your truth, Amen.

But he gives greater grace. Therefore he says: God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble James 4:6

I have always been struck by the beautiful concept of paradox. The dictionary defines paradox as “a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true.”

The Bible talks about paradox all the time. Jesus talked about leaders being servants; Paul said that “when I am weak, then I am strong”; Jesus said “the meek shall inherit the earth”; James said, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds…” The list goes on and on.

We need to be open to the fact that what appears to be absurd, or contradictory, may lead us into real truth. We need humility to give up some of our opinions that may not be fully accurate. There may be other, or more information that we need to get the complete picture.

So, stridency in the current racial strife we are experiencing is not the answer to peace. In many of the demonstrations, we see how kneeling together, law enforcement officers and demonstrators, takes the tension out of the air and it unites them in a higher cause. Kneeling, a symbol of humility, seems to be the start of being able to communicate better.

So it strikes me that humility is the beginning of wisdom. Understanding that we do not have full understanding of matters, that there is more for us to learn, is the beginning of finding truth.  If we all recognize that there is something more we need to learn, and we kneel together, we have started on the beginning of wisdom.

Prayer: Lord we bow before you in humility. Help us be open to your truth, which sets us free, Amen.

 

You Can Observe a Lot by Just Watching                                                                                                                                                                                          Yogi Berra

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.                                                                                                                        Jeremiah 29:11 

We have a robin who has built her nest in a wreath on our front door. This must have been a good idea for her, since she is the second bird who has built a nest in that wreath this spring. It is not, however, a good idea for us. She had built the nest pretty quickly, and we really only took notice after she had laid her eggs. We decided that we would give her as much privacy as one can, given that the nest is on a door that does need to open periodically.

We decided to use other egress out of the house when we would leave- usually the garage, or the door to the deck. She has become as comfortable as a bird can be under the circumstances, living just on the other side of our door, and always visible through the windows on the door.

The other day while working in the front yard, I upset her and her boisterous mate who jealously helps her guard “their territory”. They squawk, yell, chirp and make whatever other bird sounds that signal – I suppose – fear and anger.

I thought about this from another perspective. This is my house, and they are mad because I am present on my own property. I mean them no harm. In fact, we have gone out of our way to give them a safe place, undisturbed (generally) for them to prosper. If they only knew that we are trying to help them and protect them so that they can launch their little ones into the world.

Yet they are skittish, angry at my presence, and feel threatened when we get too close.

Then I thought about how we sometimes treat God in his creation. We sometimes fail to remember his love and protection for us, even becoming angry at him when our plans go awry. He means for us to prosper, even when we don’t understand the situation.

Prayer: Thank you for your plans, your ways, which are higher than our ways, Amen

 

“Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God’s Law and Prophets and this is what you get”                                                                                                                                                                                  Matthew 7:12 (The Message)

The other day I was thinking about wearing masks, and why that action seems to spark some emotional reactions in people. Scientists tell us that there is value in wearing masks, and that it cuts down the opportunity of spreading the Coronavirus, depending on the quality of the mask. As we begin to open up the economy, and we certainly need to, it seems that wearing masks would just enhance the safety of that plan.

However I understand that with everything, there are several aspects of our nature in play. We are physical, spiritual, and emotional in our make-up. We therefore need to pay attention to all these parts of us as we make decisions.

For me, I believe in the safety of wearing a mask when I am interacting in a store. I also believe that all behavior is communication, so when I wear a mask, I am making a statement. I am saying by modeling mask wearing, that this is a reasonable thing, and I endorse the idea.

In my own mind, I also see the spiritual aspect of this. I am helping to protect others. I am doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. The mask is not perfect protection for me, but it is helpful to others.

I know that there are emotional arguments by some that perhaps contend that “nobody is going to tell me what to do”; or “this is government overreach”; or “that is a political statement”; or “I’m not sick, I don’t need to mask”. I am sure there are other emotional reasons that people have that result in them deciding not to mask. Who knows, maybe they just forgot to wear it.

I understand also that there is a small percentage of people who cannot wear masks for other reasons- they feel suffocated perhaps, or simply have such negative physical or psychological reactions that they feel too uncomfortable to wear a mask.

Whatever the reasons of others, I plan to typically wear a mask in stores because I believe that there is collective benefit in that behavior.

When we can change the narrative about a behavior, we can make it more acceptable. If we can believe that wearing a mask is good for others, and that it is also good for the nation’s commerce, that may increase the percentage of people who wear masks.

Wearing a mask is not a political statement, it is a caring statement. I wear a mask because I trust that it helps others. I hope others wear one because I believe it helps me.

Prayer: Thank you for the divine plan that we are to care for one another, Amen