“I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends                                                                                                                                              John 15:11-13 (The Message)

The heroes are in plain sight, we just overlook them. Last evening, I was privileged to be part of a meeting of foster and adoptive fathers. I am on the board of a foster care agency, and I participated in a group of men who shared their experiences of being dads to kids whom they adopted and/or fostered. These men shared stories about having adopted special needs kids and they talked about some of the things they do to provide care for those kids.

They do not see themselves as heroic by any means. They see themselves as simply having a calling to care for and love kids whom others have abused or abandoned. They and their wives give of themselves to provide care for kids who had been traumatized by abuse or neglect. One dad shared a story about spending up to an hour every night, for several years, gently tapping the forehead of a little girl who could otherwise not fall asleep unless he provided this soothing touch.

Other men shared about their fears and concerns for their kids who had intellectual deficits, or who were lacking social abilities or awareness. They wondered how their kids would do in a world that was not understanding or accepting of their kids. They shared the highs and lows of being a foster or adoptive dad and the price that they paid for this.

Let me be clear- they were not complaining or seeking pity. Far from it. They had a bit of a hard time when I called them heroes in my eyes. They sought neither credit nor pity. They simply came together to support one another and to share their experiences.

Heroes do that sort of thing. They don’t advertise their virtue. So, I will call them heroes even if they will not do that themselves (and they won’t).

So, if you sometimes feel that people are not caring or sacrificing themselves for the good of others, you might be overlooking someone right next door.

Prayer: Thank you Father for giving us the command and the opportunity to love and care for others, Amen

Words kill, words give life;
    they’re either poison or fruit—you choose                                                                                                              Proverbs 18:21 (The Message)

As a bit of a follow up to my discussion about masks and their effect on communication, I was reminded of a bit from an old TV show. So, let’s get into the “Wayback Machine” and travel back to the 1950’s.

Some of you of a certain age will remember the Dobie Gillis Show. It was about a young man named Dobie Gillis, and it featured his friends, notably his best pal and hippie forerunner Maynard G. Krebs. Back then, they were called “Beatniks”, but I digress.

Dobie was always at odds with his father, often over money. Dobie had no money, and his father had little himself. One time, Dobie was explaining to Maynard (yes, it was Bob Denver, aka “Gilligan” from you know what show) the absurdity of an idea that Maynard had about Dobie  borrowing money from his father. Dobie broke it down like this:

“Me borrow money from my father?” stated Dobie. “None of that makes any sense Maynard. Think about that sentence. Emphasize each word and you will see how impossible that is.”                           ME borrow money from my father?  (Maybe someone else, not me); Me BORROW money from my father? (Maybe steal it, but he would never lend it to me); Me borrow MONEY from my dad? (maybe something else, but never money); Me borrow money from MY dad? (maybe I could borrow money from your dad, but not mine); Me borrow money from my DAD? (maybe mom, but never dad).

The meaning and nuance of the sentence changes with every emphasis on a different word. A fun lesson in how we determine meaning from even the emphasis on a syllable or word.

So, communication is dependent upon a lot of things, including where we put our emphasis.  Words are important, and even the emphasis we place on that word. In this day of lots of words, and attributions of meaning of every nuance of the word, we need to be careful about our words. They give life, and they can diminish it. Let’s make sure our words are used to build up, not tear down.

Prayer: Lord, help us guard our words, their meaning, and their intent, Amen.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”                                                   Mahatma Gandhi

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”                                                 Mark Twain

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love                                                                                                                        I John 4:18

 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, if my brother keeps on sinning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” answered Jesus, “but seventy times seven…                                                                                                                                                        Matthew 18:21-22

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”                                                                                                                                                              Martin Luther King, Jr.

These are some rather poetic words, spoken by immortal thinkers and purveyors of wisdom. There are untold numbers of such quotes, from great thinkers, writers, the Bible, and other wisdom sources. In these times when wisdom is in short supply, when love is not the first solution chosen to deal with our problems, I thought that I would just give a few quotes to consider today.

Several are about forgiveness. We need that every day, and we need to give it every day. Maybe that is why Jesus made the standard so generous.

Think about these quotes, and decide which one is the most meaningful for you today. They are all great quotes, but maybe one will just stand out to you. I hope so.

Enjoy a day of peace and love!  

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the wisdom that comes from you and through your servants, Amen.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to be patient                                                                                                                                                         Romans 5:3 (Living Bible)

Who could have imagined just a few short months ago that masks would be a part of our daily routine? Before I leave the house to walk to get the newspaper, I make sure that I have my 3 “M”’s- mask, money and media (my podcast delivery system). Yes, that is a daily routine and I can get 2 miles in before 8AM. So, I make sure that I have a mask, and it has now become routine.

However, that mask has some obvious drawbacks. First, it is a daily reminder that life is not like it used to be. Next, it takes away a large part of my ability to communicate with others. Smiles and facial expressions are covered or muted, and it takes away part of the rich expression that had normally been part of our complicated communication process.

Researchers say that up to 30% of our communication is conveyed by facial expression and body language. Even body language has been affected by the pandemic as we no longer get close enough to have personal touch with others. That makes tone of voice and words even more important than ever before in expressing ourselves to others.

So, masks have restricted us, at least for now. They do work, as long as we actually wear them, and as long as we try to pay attention to wearing them correctly.

In the Far East, people have worn masks for years, and there is no real cultural bias or stigma in it, as far as I know. So, we can get used to masks, for now. Our prayer is that there will be a time when we can say, “Remember when everybody used to wear a mask?”

So, take heart. Someday this will be part of an interesting story for our next generations.

Prayer: Lord, this is a time of change for us. Help us to redeem it for good, Amen

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it                                                                 John 1:1-5

In yesterday’s blog I challenged my readers to name their exercise goal. I discussed exercise as a physical activity which we can control in order to help manage anxiety. It really does work- if you do it. I also talked about the need to keep promises to ourselves, and to the extent that we do that, we raise our self-esteem and increase our sense of being the executive of our emotions.

One important component of keeping those promises is to say them out loud. Yes, speak it out loud. Have the intention to say it out loud, and actually hear what you are saying. Of course, this is especially helpful if you say it to another person. Once we do that, it becomes real. It has reached the air outside of us and is now part of existence outside of ourselves.

The Bible says that God “spoke the earth into existence”. His word began the creative process that brought something from nothing. So, the principle here is that we can truly speak things into existence by our intentional decision, followed by the action which it names. We can achieve incredible things by speaking something into existence- that is, letting the world know that this thing is going to happen. We are made in the image of God, to be creative. So, this little creation that we make, this intention to do a certain thing, helps us to fulfill our creative nature.

This is not magic. Indeed, just because we say something does not make it happen. However, if we do not speak it out, and intend to do it, it will never happen. So, be bold and speak your ideas, your intentions, into existence. Accountability obviously helps this, but the courage to speak that action into being is the catalyst to make it happen.

Try it.

Prayer: We are made by your word and promises. Help us to be part of that creative life to which you have called us, Amen

Haven’t you yet learned that your body is the home of the Holy Spirit God gave you, and that he lives within you? Your own body does not belong to you. For God has bought you with a great price. So use every part of your body to give glory back to God because he owns it                                                          I Corinthians 6:19-20 (Living Bible)

In the past I have discussed in this blog the interplay of our three-part make-up; physical, spiritual and emotional. In this most anxious of times, we need to find ways to feel some level of control when everything seems to be spinning out of control. Anxiety, which is already present, becomes magnified when we have a pandemic, and the President gets taken to the hospital with that scary and unpredictable virus. When the ever-present danger of that virus lurks unseen, and we have loved ones we worry about and cannot visit as much as we want, if at all. Lots of reasons these days for increased anxiety.

One practical way to deal with the effects of the things we cannot control is to control what we can control. When anxiety seizes our thinking (and it does), we need to have some remedies to manage it.

Physical activity seems to be a perfect remedy to not only distract us from the anxiety, but to take control of an activity which is beneficial for us. That activity is exercise. Physical exercise- daily disciplined exercise, can be of tremendous help in controlling anxiety. We can decide when and how much we exercise, and our anxious thoughts cannot stop that. Taking charge of our bodies, when our mind seems to be taking charge of us, gets us back in control. We become the executives that we need to be.  

So, set the goal for daily exercise. You set your own bar for it, and it does not matter how much it is. What matters is that you do what you say you are going to do. Keeping promises to ourselves is the best way to feel secure in our own skin.

So, name your exercise goal. Tomorrow, I am going to talk about the process of making that work.

Now, get to thinking about your goals!

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the tools to overcome fear. Help us to use them wisely to honor you, Amen.

Let us be concerned for one another, to help one another to show love and to do good.  Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are doing. Instead, let us encourage one another all the more, since you see that the Day of the Lord is coming nearer.                                                                               Hebrews 10:24-25 (Good News Translation)

We are currently experiencing the collective trauma of COVID-19 and its devastating effects on our health care system, our economy, and our mental health. It has also had another insidious effect on us.

 Isolation.

Already my clients have difficult life experiences that they are dealing with, and now COVID-19 adds to that stress exponentially. Worries about family, jobs, personal health and that of loved ones; juggling school schedules and work from home, etc. are just some facets of the exacerbation that this plague piles upon already existing problems of anxiety or depression.

The one that hurts so much though is the inability to connect with loved ones and friends like we normally had done. Typically, I give my clients homework that involves other people- things like seeking volunteer work; participation in support groups; connection with others at small groups from church; acquiring accountability partners- on and on. Those are parts of the healing process that I rely upon to help my clients. Now, many of those helpful options are gone or are seriously restricted.

Perhaps some good news that will result from this disaster is renewed appreciation for our need for good, healing social interaction. Indeed, we are healed in community.

We often hear the phrase “We are in this together”. I hope we leave this pandemic with the words “We got through this together!”

Prayer: Help us through this time and give us the continued reliance upon you and your people, Amen

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount                                 Luke 19:8

In the passage quoted above, Zacchaeus was moved by repentance to make restitution to those he had cheated. That is the ultimate goal of justice- recognition of wrong doing, ownership of it, and the determination to make amends and/or restitution.

I am concluding this discussion on restitution by considering the benefits of restitution for the perpetrator, the victim, as well as society in general. When the victim of a crime, or scam or any other unfair act can be made whole financially, that individual is obviously better off. They also receive the satisfaction of having been vindicated for the violation. Crime victims experience trauma. That trauma is always made worse when society or others minimize the impact of the event. A system whereby the victim is supported by the government in being restored validates that the crime was serious, and that they were injured by it.

Think of the trauma of rape in past years (and even perhaps currently) when victims are made to feel that they were partly to blame somehow for the violation. That makes the trauma immeasurably worse. They were not believed. If perpetrators of rape were to be mandated to pay all the costs of restoring the victim- medical care, counseling, lost wages, etc., healing could begin much sooner and more completely.

Restitution also restores the perpetrator. It gives that individual the opportunity to repent, and to participate in helping to heal of the effects of their wrongdoing. It can restore the dignity lost in the harming of another human being.

Finally, society benefits because true justice is being approached by the restoration of a balance that had been upset by wrong behavior. Further, if restitution could replace, in some ways, prison time, society reaps a larger cost savings. It also has the restoration of one of its members who may be able to move on in life in a new and productive way.

All of these concepts are, at least to some degree, theoretical and idealistic. I realize that any system of restorative justice will have limitations. However, I write these pieces to simply have us consider what could be, what may work better, and to aspire to a higher form of justice. 

Prayer: Lord, give us wisdom to deal with justice in a restorative way. Change our hearts toward restoration, Amen.

“Restitution” means the relinquishment of a benefit or the return of money or other property obtained through an improper means to the person from whom the property was taken…                                                    (Wikipedia on “Restitution”)

Any man or woman who wrongs another in any way and so is unfaithful to the Lord is guilty and must confess the sin they have committed. They must make full restitution for the wrong they have done, add a fifth of the value to it and give it all to the person they have wronged                                                Numbers 5:6-7

The idea of restitution as a remedy for wrongdoing is an ancient concept. It probably dates back to the Code of Hammurabi, and it is addressed in the Old Testament numerous times in the Laws of Moses. I cite these examples not because we can follow those laws to the letter. An “eye for an eye” is not the justice that Jesus advocated for. Those social and health laws were given in a time when social order was not uniform, and there needed to be a codified way to ensure justice. So, it is important to recognize the historical and cultural context of the restitution rules that are contained in Leviticus and Numbers, and other OT books.

However, there are so many great principles embodied in the principle of restitution as a way to deal with human brokenness that I need to share my thoughts on it.

The first thing that I noted was the language used in the book of Numbers. Any man or woman who wrongs another in any way and so is unfaithful to the Lord is guilty and must confess the sin they have committed. Isn’t it interesting that the offense against another person is an affront to God himself? If we wrong another person, we have offended God. Pretty heavy consideration don’t you think?

The second thing we see is that restitution is not simply paying back what was taken or secured unfairly. There was a penalty – a hefty twenty percent interest cost. That illustrates the principle that there is always a cost for sin. As I tell my clients, when we put off doing the right thing, there is always a payment that includes interest. Better to deal quickly with the problem than put it off.

The ideal concept of restitution is for the offended person to be made whole by the person who perpetrated the offense. Jail or prison time for the offender does nothing to restore the one offended. Actual responsibility to make whole the offended party should be the first priority of justice.

Take the example of the reckless hit and run driver who hits and injures a young man causing him a serious head trauma. The young man may require medical care of some type for the rest of his life. Wouldn’t it make more sense to have that reckless driver spend the rest of his life earning money to help pay the cost of medical care for the victim as opposed to spending many years in prison?

This is just one example of how restitution is a practical remedy. Our prisons are bursting with inmates at significant cost to society. Wouldn’t a system that causes the perpetrators to repay their victims be a better plan?

I recognize that violent offenders must be restrained from harming society at large. However, for non-violent offenses, I think restitution should be the first remedy of choice.

Tomorrow, I will discuss the healing aspects of restitution for both the offender and the victim.

Prayer: Lord, we know that when we offend another person, we offend you. Help us to find ways to secure justice that restores us all, Amen.

And they sent their disciples to Him, along with the Herodians, saying, “Teacher, we know that You are truthful and teach the way of God in truth, and defer to no one; for You are not partial to any. Matthew 22:16

Jesus had a way of telling the truth to people, regardless of their opinion of him. He was an amazing teacher and truth teller. I so admire that about Jesus, our source of truth. Calling things what they are is important. We need clarity, and we also need that truth today more than ever. Adherence to truth, however difficult, lowers our stress in the long run.  

A proven way to lower stress is to have clarity in our expectations, so that we can be honest with ourselves and others. For example, the Presidential debates scheduled for airing this week have the potential of raising our anger and stress levels. If we have clarity about what they really are, we can see them in that light, and not put into them some other meaning which will cause us undue anger and confusion.

Let’s be clear, the media experience we will see later this evening between President Donald Trump and former Vice-President Joe Biden will not be a debate. It will be an exercise in media exposure as a way to pump up each candidate, a venue for each candidate to vilify and diminish his opponent, and a pep rally for each participant to sing the praises of their party. It will not be a reasoned discussion of the topics that Americans need to consider in order to make a good choice between the two candidates.

I think there is virtually no chance that an undecided voter will, by virtue of well-reasoned and articulate arguments, make a decision about which candidate they will vote for. Rather than get upset by this situation, I suggest that we simply call it what it is. A rally for your candidate. You will cheer your favored candidate, and you may become angry about derisive comments from the opponent.

As long as we can call it what it is, I suppose that is fine. It seems to be baked into our quadrennial elections, so we accept it for what it is – inevitable. It’s just not a real debate.

I have the idea that a debate is an exchange of viewpoints, absent name-calling and low-blows which are demeaning to both the accuser and the accused. A reasonable exchange of ideas, though certainly differing, done with respect and truth, is a great thing. Since I have not seen that happening in recent years, I simply want to have clarity on what we will be watching.

I appreciate a good exchange of ideas, however different they may be. I do not appreciate people talking over one another, not giving the respect of hearing out the position of the other party.

So, it is a pep rally, a campaign event, a chance for exposure. Fine with me. However, once one of the candidates talks over his opponent, demeans him, or calls him a name, I am turning it off, and saving myself the ignominy of perpetuating the charade we have come to call “debates”.

That’s just me. If you like the theatrics of campaigning, great. Just don’t call it a debate.   

Prayer: Lord, give us peace in this election season. Let grace and reason prevail, Amen.