Pain Into Gain

You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending…                C.S. Lewis

But Joseph told them, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, to judge and punish you?As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil, for he brought me to this high position I have today so that I could save the lives of many people.                                                                                                             Genesis 50:19-20 (Living Bible)

Context is important in understanding mental health difficulties.  We are not condemned to live out past trauma as our ending fate. Many of my clients have suffered from very difficult, even traumatic developmental circumstances, yet they are very often overcomers. I find it important to remind these clients that they are not just survivors of trauma, they are “thrivers” because of it. If our mindset is that we are not defined by pain and abuse, then we can translate personal pain into someone else’s gain and thereby redeem that pain or evil from the past.

So many clients find it gratifying that someone can see their growth, and remind them that their identity is as an overcomer, indeed, a “thriver”.

We often do not always know where people have come from and what they have suffered. We can affirm to them that they have a future as an overcomer and a thriver, and that they are not defined by a hurtful past.  

Prayer: Thank you Lord for your grace to overcome pain and loss and redeem it for your glory, Amen.

Limiting God

Since you have been chosen by God who has given you this new kind of life, and because of his deep love and concern for you, you should practice tenderhearted mercy and kindness to others. Colossians 3:12 (Living Bible)

A few days ago, I wrote about how God had chosen to limit himself when he created human beings. He chose to give us the free will to accept him and his grace, or we can reject that grace and proceed along doing whatever we want in life. That freedom is an amazing gift, but it also comes with responsibilities. There are consequences for the choices that we make.

At the same time, we can limit God. We can opt out of the power given to us to have great impact in the world. We do this by not recognizing or accepting that we are made in His image, and that we have his Spirit as an advocate and guide for us. We can limit him by not trusting that he loves us like he says that he does.

Often, I talk with people who say that they have a hard time believing that God cares about them or that he loves them. They feel that God is distant, or that they are unworthy of his love. We all can understand that. As we see our own fallen nature, we feel unworthy of the love of the perfect God. Yet, God’s love for us is not dependent upon our feelings. His promise stands whether or not we feel loved. Indeed, many people feel unlovable for many reasons, such as early trauma, rejections, or guilt over how they have acted toward others.

As I say often, just because we feel something does not make it true. Faith is taking God at his word, whether or not we understand it. Grace is unmerited favor, so do not try to understand that concept with mere logic. Just accept the love God has for you. If we don’t, we have limited God’s best for us.

Prayer: Thank you for your amazing love for us! Amen

Joseph Shepherd Chs. 25-28

Chapter 25

Three weeks later we were on our way to Padua, Italy. We had been able to get passage on a ship that Edwin Carr was sailing to Venice. Our group consisted of Shepherd and me, William Harvey, Ben Jonson, and Herbert Wesley, a Nonconformist leader who was a friend of William Bradford. Bradford had spoken highly of Shepherd just before he sailed with the Mayflower several months ago. Wesley was increasingly disillusioned with King James’s weak and vacillating religious sentiments, and he favored the unrestricted expression of religious thought and practice. Wesley had also become acquainted with Bacon and Jonson many years ago when he had been arrested for statements that James felt were too critical of his taxing efforts. Bacon had intervened simply because he believed that someone should not be arrested for the expression of ideas. Bacon later befriended Wesley because he liked Wesley’s fiercely independent spirit. Bacon had finally declined the invitation to go on the trip due to legal and health problems. He and all of our travelers were disappointed, but we were understanding of his situation. I was a little apprehensive about approaching Kensington to tell him that I would not be participating in his East India Company plans, at least not right away. He surprised me with his response. He had told me that I could reconsider my plans after a trip with Edwin Carr on a trading voyage. He had assured me that I would enjoy the journey, on which I could bring along my companions, and that he would assume all the costs associated with the trip. I then realized that the real reason for such generosity was the group with which I was going. William Harvey and Ben Jonson were leading thinkers of the day. Jonson was very well connected with King James as the leading masque writer of the court. Both Jonson and Harvey had the ear of the king. This did not hurt Kensington’s relationship with the crown, nor did his boast that he was funding a scientific research voyage to Italy. Further, it gave me some good feeling that I was ostensibly the reason for his generosity, that I had offered something of value to this journey. Kensington figured that my gratitude would bring me back to his plans. He wanted me as part of his circle, and he expected that my “spiritual leanings” would quickly be exhausted. The voyage itself was peaceful, and very enjoyable. Carr was a superb sailing man, and his mastery of the ship and crew contrasted with the chaos of my most recent voyage. More importantly, the conversations with Shepherd and Wesley were completely fascinating. All these men were well read, and the discussions about Galileo, Boyle, and Copernicus, and Janssen, among other great thinkers, were inspiring. Wesley was more engaged and connected with scholarship than I could ever have imagined. A voracious reader with unrestrained curiosity, he sought out new ideas at every opportunity. He was describing a meeting with Isaac Beeckman, whom he had met just last year in Utrecht. Beeckman seemed enamored with the ideas of a young man named Renee Descartes. Descartes, he suggested, will “turn the earth upside down” someday with his amazing mind and his willingness to question everything. Bacon had suggested before the trip that we make every effort to meet with him, right after we met with Galileo in Padua. “We plan to meet with Galileo?” I asked. “Yes,” said Jonson. “I have been in correspondence with him for several years. We have become friendly, due to our common friend Bacon, and I have concern about him and his troubles with the Church.” “Troubles with Papists!” countered Wesley. “Surely the Pope should stay on matters of faith, not the pursuit of science,” Wesley said with some evident rancor. Bacon would have agreed heartily, and Harvey smiled at the thought of how Bacon might have weighed in on such a thought. This idea of scientific thought independent of spiritual underpinnings was a growing cause of unrest with the intelligentsia of Europe. Few openly questioned the Church’s authority for fear of excommunication, or even an interdict on a city. Yet, the last century of religious questioning had resulted in an openness of mind in areas beyond matters of faith. It was a dangerous time, and a very exciting time for those who were willing to explore truth unbound from religious constraints. Yet most people still believed that such “truth-seeking” was merely a tool of the devil to entice man into another “Garden of Eden” pursuit of human pride. When I could tear myself away from these discussions, I spent a little time with Edwin Carr. I was curious about his relationship with Lord Kensington, as well as his reaction to his brother’s remarkable conversion. Edwin was essentially a rugged, worldly man, plenty bright, but uninterested in spiritual things. He was honest in his business dealings, highly competent as a sailor, and very forthright in expressing himself. At the same time, having an open affair with his business partner’s wife seemed to me contradictory to his good sense and moral sensibilities. Carr laughed when I gently brought up the subject of Anne. “Are you worried about Anne, me, or Kensington?” he asked. “I suppose that I am simply curious about it, and perhaps it is completely none of my business,” I said. “You are right, Dr. Greene, it is none of your business!” he laughed. “However, I will tell you about it,” he said quite amiably. “Lord Kensington has become impotent, and he does not want many people to know that, of course. Anne would not live her life without passion, and Kensington does not care much for her at this point anyway. My presence is almost reassuring to him. Anne enjoys my company, and I enjoy hers. I try not to be too intrusive or frequent in my visits, and I am a nice diversion from their fighting. The fact that Kensington has allowed you and Shepherd to know of this arrangement did strike me as unusual at first, but I came to realize that he really does seem to like you. Shepherd frightens him a bit, I must say, but he likes you. Nonetheless, I have decided to keep some distance from Anne. I see the pain it causes Andrew, and I see that Anne is using me like Andrew uses people. I suppose we all use people for our own needs.” I could certainly see Carr’s point, and saw that, indeed, that was the nature of people. Yet I saw in Shepherd, and those who were influenced by him, a change of heart. I saw Jacob Carr, Margaret, and even me, changing due to his presence in our lives. I was reassured by this conversation. Kensington would be a nice option for me should I change my mind about this new journey, and friends like him, who are well connected with the Crown, never can hurt. His moral compass notwithstanding, Edwin Carr was a fellow I could appreciate and trust. Our arrival at Venice was magnificent. The beauty of the city was breathtaking. We wound our way through a series of islands as we approached the harbor. Commerce was king in this wealthy city, but art and music flourished as well. Ships crowded the harbor, laden with tea, silk, spices, cotton, wine, and fine glassware. The harbor was a beehive of activity as dockworkers unloaded the ships, and merchants were bidding for the sales of some of the goods not already under contract. Street vendors, garbed in colorful cloaks of red, purple, yellow, and green, lined the Venice-Padua road, and the smells of bread, fish, perfume, and rotting garbage somehow blended together to make a distinctive aroma. Carr disembarked from the ship, smiled, and said, “Smells like Venice always smells!” The sights and smells were intoxicating to me, and I wanted to spend some time just experiencing the city. Jonson and Harvey, however, more widely travelled than I, were simply interested in getting to Padua to meet with Galileo. Harvey seemed interested in discussing his thoughts on the circulation of the blood. Shepherd was interested in supporting Galileo in his growing troubles with the Church regarding his defense of the Copernican theory of a heliocentric system of the known universe. However, Shepherd was strangely quiet in his anticipation of meeting with Galileo. While he respected and admired him, Shepherd seemed to be intimidated by no one, and he moved with ease among the brightest lights of the scientific and royal circles of the age. On the ride to Padua, Wesley engaged Shepherd in a conversation about the Church. Wesley’s disdain for Papal authority, and the Church’s intrusive role in scientific matters, was increasingly evident. His stridence and vigor in damning the Church seemed to interfere with his normal reasoned thinking, and Shepherd, ever the one to speak the truth, confronted Wesley on this. Harvey, always savvy and measured in his responses, smiled discretely as Wesley became flushed and defensive.  “My dear Wesley,” continued Shepherd, “do you think that the Creator of the universe can only be explained or approached in terms of blind faith?” “What do you mean?” asked Wesley. “I mean,” explained Shepherd, “that the Creator manifests himself in His creation as well as in the heart of man. Faith and science are not antithetical, but rather complementary. There must be congruence in all truth. Scientific thought and the pursuit of knowledge through the most rigorous experimentation does not preclude that God is the author of the creation. Just because we learn that the earth orbits the sun, or that blood circulates through the body pumped by the heart, or that the moon is the cause of tides on earth, or that atoms are the building blocks of all matter, it only confirms the incredible mind and power of the Creator. It does not mean that we can or should separate Him from His creation.” Shepherd had just expounded on some of the most controversial and latest thought being discussed in the world. His articulation of these theories seemed to have the conviction of knowledge, not mere speculation. I was struck by this statement, but Harvey was moved beyond words. It was as if Shepherd had not only read his mind, but he had put into words the very things he wanted to express to Galileo. This was going to be a very interesting meeting in the next day or two.

 Chapter 26

John Ward had been freed from the Tower of London on Christmas Day, 1620. He had long been an irritant of King James, and there were those who still believed that Ward was one of the men who was part of the plot engendered by Guy Fawkes in 1606 to blow up the King in a spectacular fashion. This, of course, was nonsense, since Ward was one of the dissenters who neither embraced the Catholic Church nor the Church of England. He was a Pietist who believed in the “sola scriptura” movement, fueled, interestingly, by King James’ effort at having the Bible translated into a common parlance. Now an old man of 66, Ward was not seen as a threat anymore, and King James felt that releasing him might generate some good will for his sagging reputation. Ward looked the part of an insane man, with long white hair and beard, and wide, dark eyes that seemed to penetrate to the soul. He continued to fiercely preach for faith to be separated from affairs of state, and he did not care how much he irritated the powers that be. In fact, he seemed to rather enjoy such conflicts, feeling that he could bring the wrath of God upon the evil mix of the state determining the faith matters that were highly individual in nature. A man’s personal faith was just that – personal. The King had no business in that, and, for heaven’s sake, a King had no special authority from God for his position. Indeed, the leader should be the servant of those governed. Didn’t Jesus say that he came to serve, and not be served? Was a king better than Jesus? God forbid such arrogance! King James believed that allowing Ward to be seen by his followers would burst the bubble of the image they had of him as a spiritual leader. His wild appearance, angry outbursts, and continued appeal to Scripture would be seen as the ravings they were. Kings were, without doubt, anointed by God. James, however, was wrong in his belief about John Ward. Ward was, despite his wild appearance and behavior, a formidable force among people who were hungry for some hope. John Ward had no idea that the King wanted to use him for his own purposes. Ward was convinced that his King, the God he served, wanted him for heavenly work, and therefore it made perfect sense to him that God had arranged for his release. Soon after his release, Lord Kensington saw a bit of an opportunity. Kensington was increasingly convinced that his plan for a triangular trade route that included tobacco and slaves could only flourish if King James was at least open to the import of tobacco. James had not shown any indication of that, and Kensington never liked to hedge his bets. He always wanted a sure thing. Therefore, he might benefit from the presence of the insane Ward. Kensington could offer a solution to the King. In order to solve a problem for the King, Kensington first had to create one. So Kensington arranged to give Ward a platform for his wild ideas, have people begin to respond to them, then offer the King a solution in order to curry his favor. If Ward stirred up enough dissent and anger, Kensington could find a way to permanently silence Ward. He would have no problem removing Ward if that might help the King. Kensington decided to see where this plan might lead. Kensington was well connected to people who had grievances against the King. He had been involved with the mysterious stable fire last year that allowed some mischief in London. Now he would stir things up a little more to see what the level of unrest was in London against the King. Kensington summoned Oliver Craft to his home and asked about the mood of his mob of London rabble these days. Craft was puzzled. “My people are always angry and frightened,” he said, as if this were a patently obvious statement. The street people of London were poor, addled by gin, desperate, and always ready for someone to lead them in an adventure against authority. It was the boredom and desperation of generational poverty, as well as the effect of a willingness to cling on to anyone or anything that could give some hope of a future. Yes, Craft could lead them wherever Kensington wanted. So, what did he want? Kensington laid out his idea. John Ward was someone who might appeal to people who were so desperate that they could only look to God for a solution. John Ward had the ability to appeal to people’s deep spiritual need. That also might mean that they would reject James’ “divine right” ideas. A little chaos, like in the Guy Fawkes days, might just be the best thing for his plans right now. “Understand?” asked Kensington. “Not completely,” said Craft. “But if you want angry people to gather to hear John Ward, I can do that real easy.” “Yes,” said Kensington, “that is what I want.” Ward was excited when Craft told him that he could arrange for a group of people to hear him talk about his ideas. The plan called for people to gather at the Wool Guild Hall the next Tuesday night. Craft had the dockworkers and guild members in his network of disaffected people. Indeed, the dockworkers and guild members were much better off than the townspeople who had no real source of income, but they had connections through a benevolence system that had been established many years ago. Kensington had seen the possible benefits of organizing poor and hopeless people, and had not really cared for the fact that the benevolence actually helped to sustain people in hard times. The church had long ago been in the business of giving aid to poor people. It was Kensington who saw the added “benefit” of using that help to put people on the side of the benefactor.

John Ward was in rare form as he spoke to the assembled crowd that night. He implored people to turn to Jesus alone as their savior and King. The Church of England, King James, or any other human intermediary was not only unnecessary but might even be of the devil if it separated people from attending to personal faith. Faith alone was the way to God, and that only through the atonement of Jesus. There seemed to be a stirring among people that night. Hope in the future was tied not to the institutions that had let them down, but to a saving knowledge of Jesus. He could be trusted, while man or manmade institutions could not. People began to weep and cry to God for salvation, confessing sins publicly to anyone or everyone within earshot. This was not what Craft was expecting, but he would wait and see what came of it. Perhaps anger would follow later after this ecstatic expression. The next day, Craft reported to Kensington what had transpired the night before. “I am not looking for peace!” Kensington retorted. “This is what happened?” he asked. “Yes,” replied Craft. “Not everyone responded, though. Some simply left, the same as they came,” he said, hoping to alleviate some of Kensington’s anger. Upset that his approach did not give the desired results, Kensington decided to manufacture the anger on his own. Kensington asked Craft to arrange another meeting for Ward, but this time Craft was to salt the crowd with people who were to ensure that the message of hope became a message of hate and desperation. Ward’s next meeting was larger than Craft expected. Word had spread that there was to be another meeting the next Tuesday at the Guild Hall, and those who had responded with a heartfelt conversion were joined by others who were there because they were told that there would be discussion of a new royal tax to be imposed upon wool, and that cotton was to be allowed to be imported from Egypt. The mood was tense as people assembled with very different expectations. As John Ward went before the crowd, he was completely unaware of the machinations of Craft. He was simply thankful that God had provided such an audience to which he could preach! It soon became apparent that people were restless as he spoke only of Scripture, faith in Jesus, and salvation in Jesus alone. Soon, some of the dockworkers began to ask about wool taxes and cotton imports. Ward was struck by such comments, and he responded angrily to people who would disrupt a holy time. That was all it took for Craft’s crowd plants to start shouting epithets at those who were questioning Ward. That seemed to have been the cue for a number of the dissenters to bring out clubs, and quickly order broke down.

 Soon there were several bloody heads that had been cracked open according to Craft’s plans. Chaos emerged as men began to punch one another, screams of pain punctuated the air, and order broke down completely as John Ward looked on in horror. “What has happened?” he asked plaintively to no one in particular. Within moments, Ward began to see what was happening. He realized that this burgeoning riot must be stopped immediately. He breathed a quick prayer, and suddenly got the idea that he should begin singing. His voice was strong as he began the words of Luther’s stirring hymn “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God.” Others began to see what he was doing, and they joined him as loudly as they could. It began to swell in the crowd, and by the second verse more people were singing than swinging at one another. Craft’s thugs continued to yell at people, and brandished clubs. However, even Craft’s dullards realized that hitting someone with a club while they are singing a hymn does not make it appear that the crowd is responding to political rhetoric. It looks like a staged riot, which indeed is what it was. Pretty soon things got calmer, and Ward led the group in another hymn. Craft’s bruisers slipped away from the rest of the crowd, and Ward resumed his time of teaching. The disturbance seemed to energize the crowd in an amazing way, as people started to claim that the presence of God was in that place. Ward led the crowd in prayer, and, after two hours of preaching, he dismissed the crowd to go home and tell others of the events of the evening. He believed that God had released him from prison for just this purpose!

 Chapter 27

As we approached Padua, I was excited to meet Galileo. Jonson, a close friend of Bacon, was telling us of Galileo’s problems with the Catholic Church. He knew that Galileo was certain that scientific thought should not be hindered by the Church’s heavy-handed squelching of new ideas. Yet his fear and respect of the Church’s position as God’s institution on earth compelled him to acquiesce to the Church’s demands to recant his ideas. Descartes, Jonson said, was in much the same position, but was more willing to publish his ideas and allow others to make the decision about where the truth may lie. Further, Descartes, despite his questioning of the Church, was with the Catholic army fighting in Bohemia against Protestant forces in the escalating war that was ravaging parts of the continent. Ferdinand II, the Holy Roman Emperor, was in the process of forcibly converting Protestant Bohemia and Austria to Catholicism. The Catholic Church, despite withering criticism and growing skepticism from leading intellectuals, was reasserting itself on the Continent as the power it had been for hundreds of years. Now the power was from military strength, and not the moral and spiritual strength that had once marked its rise as a cultural civilizing force. Shepherd was saddened by the affairs of the time. He believed that God had called him to assert the truth of God’s intervention in the life of man – that God was pleased with His children at peace with one another, and that love of creation and of his fellow man was the highest worship that one could attain to. Sadly, many did not understand this, and most believed that he was a naïve idealist. At worst, he was seen as subverting the natural way of things. Common belief was that power was to be wielded by the King and the Church on behalf of a population that was too ignorant or too sinful to approach a holy God. The idea that people would fight a war in the name of God was appalling to him. Upon meeting Galileo, I was impressed with his superior intellect. Harvey, Jonson, and Shepherd once again dominated conversation with him, and there seemed to be a common, if unstated understanding that someday, science and religion would be able to transcend petty battles for control of the minds of people. I was coming to see that God valued truth more than control, and that if He wanted to connect with His people He did not need the Church, Kings, or even scientists. He needed humility from those who were seeking that truth. Galileo seemed tired. He was enchanted with Harvey and his theories about the circulation of blood in the body, yet he seemed to have grasped that intuitively as a truth long before Shepherd and Harvey went in depth about the idea. Shepherd’s acceptance of Galileo both as a Christian and as a scientist seemed to hearten Galileo. He had never encountered someone who felt so at ease in both worlds. It reminded him, he said, of a young man he had met not long ago – a man by the name of Rene Descartes. Galileo urged us to head on to Prague, the place where he had last heard that Descartes was staying.

The revolt in Bohemia still raged, and the travel might not be entirely secure, but Galileo assured us that a visit to the University at Prague and an opportunity to meet with Descartes would be worth the travel. Galileo also asked us to give his regards to Bacon, with whom he had recently corresponded. Galileo showed concern for Bacon, telling us that perhaps Bacon was in more peril in England than we would be if we headed to Bohemia. Harvey looked concerned. “Bacon is in serious trouble?” he asked. We knew of some problems that Bacon had, but Bacon had been dismissive of the gravity of the charges against him. “Yes, I have known for some time that there are those in London who would bring him to ruin,” Galileo replied. “He is being accused falsely of bribery. Anyone who dares resist conventional thought does so at his own peril,” said Galileo resignedly. All the men agreed with this sad comment. It was true, it seemed. Only those who knew how to work with and around kings, or wealth, seemed to be able to thrive in these dangerous times. We were invited to go to the University of Padua, where Harvey was to provide a series of lectures on his theories of the circulation of the blood. Harvey invited Shepherd to lecture with him specifically about the experiment he had done on the blood of King James. The King was not mentioned as the subject of the experiment, partly out of courtesy to him, partly because few would believe the circumstances present that allowed us to perform such an experiment, and partly because of fear of reprisal from courtiers who might have lost their positions (or their life) for allowing such a practice. Whether any of these scenarios would have applied made less difference than the fact that the science of the experiment may have been lost because of whom it was performed upon. Our two weeks at the University were stimulating, and we were met with warmth and enthusiasm by the scholars there. Mostly I suspected that this was because of Harvey, but Shepherd was captivating in his continued weaving of faith and science in ways few could confute and many could not grasp. I suspected that two weeks was long enough for people to hear these new ideas, since new ideas often can generate more heat than light. While most were fascinated and appreciative, there were those who were restless, and even angry that such ideas could stand so boldly in the face of accepted concepts of ancient learning. It was Galileo who suggested that we move on to meet Descartes. He had received word through friends in Prague that Descartes was disillusioned with the war, and he was ready to leave for France. Descartes had indicated his desire to go to Rome to meet with the Pope. He hoped to be there in late January, 1621. Galileo had another reason to visit Rome. He had a desire to meet one more time with Pope Paul V to make his peace with him, despite all the turmoil that had taken place and the crushing restrictions that the Pope had imposed upon his science. I felt that this was prompted by Shepherd’s talks with Galileo, and the growing influence Shepherd had on his views of science and religion as part of a unified theology. Galileo’s plans to meet Paul V were thwarted by the Pope’s death on January 28th.

 We decided that we would move on to Rome, wait for the new Pope to be elected, and see if a new Pope might have different reactions to the changing times in science.

Chapter 28

 Rome was more (or less) than I expected. We found Rome to be a place of squalor and degradation. While knowing that Rome was the seat of the power of the Catholic Church, I knew it also held the distinction of being the destination of artists and poets, sculptors and scholars. Yet it seemed to bring out the worst in these creative people. Drinking and excesses of every type seemed to be prevalent wherever we looked. I was simply a bit surprised, but Shepherd seemed to be not only shocked but enraged by this desecration of a supposedly holy city. I had no illusions about “holy” because I expected the worst in people. That Rome was a place of hypocrisy and debauchery did not disrupt my world. Shepherd seemed deeply wounded somehow.

We traveled to Rome expecting to meet Descartes at some point, but more interested in meeting the new Pope. It turned out to be Gregory XV. He was already sixty-seven years old and evidently was seen merely as a caretaker. We wondered how this might affect Galileo, who was in a running battle with the Church regarding his theories on physics, mathematics, and scientific theory. Shepherd was reassuring to Galileo about his beliefs that science and faith were not antithetical. The Church, however, was far from reassuring on this, and was indeed dogmatic on choices to be made – faith in the literal words of the Bible on the matter of how the world worked was the only acceptable path. On the way to the Vatican and its splendor was the path of human misery in the streets. Children in rags, vendors barking about their wares, and roaming lost souls seemed to mark a very odd seat of Christian life. If Rome were the capitol of Christendom, the world may be in real trouble, I thought. Then again, I knew for a fact that the world was in trouble. I had seen it firsthand as I dealt with some of the dregs of society in England. Galileo had decided to meet with the new Pope, Gregory XV, to discuss his ideas once again, with the hope that he could pronounce his science without being excommunicated. He had been very careful over the past several years to not upset the Church directly, although his writings could be seen by some as a thinly veiled screen for his true beliefs. Directly confronting the Church was still too risky for him. I was amazed that I could venture in the company of Harvey and Galileo – men who were known in Europe as scholars and thinkers of the first degree. Wesley was a theologian of the first rank, but too controversial for most in the established church. His disdain for the Catholic Church was palpable, yet he remained in our party because of his respect of Joseph Shepherd. The fact that he would venture to Rome with us was a testimony of that respect – and perhaps a function of his enormous curiosity. I continued to write letters back to Andrew Kensington to apprise him of our travels and the contacts we would make for his business ideas. Trade and tobacco potentials always kept his interest.

On March 11, 1621, Galileo was given an audience with the new Pope, Gregory XV. I was amazed at the splendor of the Vatican. The Sistine Chapel, St. Peter’s Square, the stately basilicas ornate with paintings and sculptures, were truly beautiful. The wealth contrasted with the poverty all around was simply a fact of life for people in the city. Shepherd, however, was increasingly disturbed by it. Galileo was summoned before the Pope while we were politely detained in a small café outside of the holy grounds. Shepherd, Harvey, and Wesley talked animatedly over a meal of fresh fish, cheeses, hearty bread, and wine. “I cannot see why Galileo must recant his findings,” started Harvey. “Not all people are as open as you, my friend,” said Shepherd. “These things take time for people to absorb and understand.” “Time!” exclaimed Harvey. “How many years has this poor man been trying to please this group of theologians about things beyond their understanding?” “I am less inclined to be upset about their ignorance than their arrogance,” stated Shepherd. “Does the church not read the book of Amos, or the hundreds of references in the Bible about caring for the poor? Where is the justice?” The conversation continued for nearly two hours as we waited for Galileo. Finally, upon his return to us at our lodgings, he shared with us his frustrations about the meeting with the Pope and his advisors. It was clear that Galileo was not successful in his meeting, and he simply wanted to leave Rome. He spoke little of the specific discussion, perhaps for fear that this was beyond his rights, and partly due to his immense sadness and pain, which did not allow for much expansion on the stifling papal response. As we prepared to leave, we came upon some beggars who were covered with sores and layers of filth. The sight was not uncommon in this city, or any large city in Europe. Shepherd however stopped to give them some coins to help relieve them of a bit of their suffering. He then stooped very close to them and seemed to whisper something to one of them. The man began to weep, then laugh. Soon the other two men began to smile and nod as we walked on. I suspected that they were laughing at the fool who had just given them money for their miserable begging. I challenged Joseph on this. “Joseph, haven’t you learned anything about giving away money to beggars? Those men take you for a fool even as you give them money,” I said with disgust. “What did you say to them?”  “Well, with that response that you just gave, I am not sure you would understand what I told them,” he said. I pressed him. “Now I am even more curious; what did you say?” “I told them that money was not the answer to their problems,” said Shepherd. “I told them that they need healing of the soul first, then healing of the body.” Wesley nodded in agreement. Harvey seemed to feel the answer was profound. I felt bewildered and somewhat ashamed. Once again, Shepherd was unafraid of what people thought of him and pursued an ultimate truth. For all I knew, they were on the way to healing. But my skeptical self reminded me – they were just beggars looking for some money. Descartes did not meet us as we had hoped. This trip to Rome seemed to be a complete failure. I did get to experience the splendor (and squalor) of the capital of Christendom as part of my life journey. However, I was ready to get back to England and start my business life with the East India Company. The call to go on an adventure with Shepherd had seemed like an exhilaration. Now it seemed beyond my station in life. He was simply too far above my inadequate makeup. In Rome, two beggars were walking toward a well-dressed visitor who appeared to be a priest. Perhaps he had stayed there after the papal election, but the beggars only cared that maybe he would be an easy mark like the man they had encountered yesterday. One turned to the other and said, “It looks like the sores on my feet are gone.” The other agreed that the ugly marks they had been covered in yesterday seemed to be gone.

Limits

Your attitude should be the kind that was shown us by Jesus Christ,who, though he was God, did not demand and cling to his rights as God,but laid aside his mighty power and glory, taking the disguise of a slave and becoming like men. And he humbled himself even further, going so far as actually to die a criminal’s death on a cross                                                                                                                                Philippians 2:5-8 (Living Bible)

A discussion with a friend the other day brought up the idea of limits regarding God. When God created us with the ability and freedom to make choices, he put some limits on himself. As an omnipotent God, he can do whatever he pleases to do. He could have created us in whatever way he chose. He could have made it that we could not ever choose evil, or to never disobey him. He could have made us into compliant beings who could never reject him or his love.

But he didn’t.

God allows us to make choices, both good and bad- choices which affect us and others in his creation. He gives us the opportunity to love him as he has loved us, or to love ourselves more than him or anyone else. He has given us the gift of free will.

We love our freedom! At the same time, we rail against God and others when things do not fall in line with what we want. That “free will thing” cuts both ways.

God loves us enough to give us our freedom to choose, even if it is not his best plan for us. He wants what is best for us, but we often choose the path of quick relief and pleasure- a path that leads to short cuts and to addictions. Yes, anything that makes us feel good immediately has the potential to be addictive. God gives us the choice, and he wants us to choose the path of the long- haul disciplines, not short cuts to feel good.

So, God gives choices to us, and in doing so, he deliberately limits himself. Indeed, sending Jesus to earth was the ultimate example of limiting his omnipotence for affiliation with his creation.

What a loving concept.

Prayer: It is hard for us to understand the plan of limiting yourself for us. Thank you for showing us that kind of love, Amen

The Problem with Idols

When the listening crowd saw what Paul had done, they shouted (in their local dialect, of course), “These men are gods in human bodies!”  They decided that Barnabas was the Greek god Jupiter, and that Paul, because he was the chief speaker, was Mercury!  The local priest of the Temple of Jupiter, located on the outskirts of the city, brought them cartloads of flowers and prepared to sacrifice oxen to them at the city gates before the crowds.

 But when Barnabas and Paul saw what was happening, they ripped at their clothing in dismay and ran out among the people, shouting, “Men! What are you doing? We are merely human beings like yourselves! We have come to bring you the Good News that you are invited to turn from the worship of these foolish things and to pray instead to the living God, who made heaven and earth and sea and everything in them.                                                                                                                                                                                  Acts 14:11-15 (Living Bible)

The problem with idols is that they keep letting us down. We have a need, it seems, to place people on a pedestal, then gradually, or sometimes abruptly, those idols begin to show their weaknesses. We have a need for heroic actions, and indeed, there are many, many heroes among us. Often, heroic acts are unseen or are not noted, and those heroes do not get the adulation they might deserve. Other heroic figures, our very public figures, are praised and even idolized. Statues are made, poems are written, portraits made, etc. It seems that we have a need to find these figures and recognize them.

Then, over time, we see the flaws in character. We see the failures, the duplicity, the mistakes, the compromise. We may judge, from a historical perspective, that they were flawed people, and not deserving of that statue. Truly, if only perfect people got statues, we would have no statues.

We have our “Mt. Rushmore” of heroes from all walks of life. Sports shows sometimes ask, “Name your Mt. Rushmore of baseball”, or basketball, or whatever sport. People are challenged to name the top four or five in their sport who deserve a place on the “Mt. Rushmore” of that sport.

The original Mt. Rushmore has four distinguished Presidents- Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt. These men are venerated on the side of a mountain for heaven’s sake, and highly praiseworthy all, yet all had character defects.

So, we need perspective on our “idols”. Let’s remember that every idol has flaws. That just makes them human.

Prayer: You have made us in your image, and worthy of respect, all of us. Help us when we do not show respect to all your creation, Amen.

On Letting Go

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all…

Selected lyrics from “Let it Go” (from Frozen)

Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you I Peter 5:7 (Living Bible)

There is a song from the movie Frozen titled “Let it Go”, which of course gained great popularity a few years ago. This has also been a bit of the popular lingo as advice to people who tend to hold on to things and thereby suffer from undue anxiety. “Just let it go!” we say.

Of course, if it were that easy, no one would suffer from anxiety, and we would be a carefree and happy bunch! But “letting go” is not that easy, and it is dismissive and disrespectful to simply throw out such advice to those suffering from anxiety.

Yet, we are called to unburden our cares and worries to God for his safekeeping and provision. So, how do we do this? I spoke to a client recently who suffers from anxiety and we discussed ways to actually begin this process. First, I suggested that we start small and work on “letting go” of just one thing. That one thing that she was carrying actually did not belong to her, but it was a burden she had for her husband’s health. He had been putting off some medical procedure and she found herself nagging him to get it done. It annoyed him and frustrated her. Indeed, her worry was for a good, loving reason- her husband’s health- but she was carrying something that she could not carry. She needed to hand it over to him.

But first she needed to see that it was not under her control. There are things that we can control, and other things that we cannot control. By carrying something that was not hers, she was limiting the proper locus of control, and, therefore, also the remedy. The remedy was not in her hands.

We often limit God by holding on to things that only he can handle.

More on that tomorrow.

Prayer: Lord, you invite us to cast our burdens upon you. You can carry the things we cannot, Amen.

Owning Our Biases

Yes, all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious ideal; yet now God declares us “not guilty” of offending him if we trust in Jesus Christ, who in his kindness freely takes away our sins.                                Romans 3:23-24 (Living Bible)

I am a member of a community leadership forum, and recently there was a question posed about ethical leadership principles. One of those principles was about owning our biases. This presupposes that we have an awareness of our biases. Then, we must be willing to take a look at those biases and determine to what extent that they may be affecting our decisions, our relationships with others, and how we run our organization.

My response to the forum was this analogy.  In 12 Step work, there is the 4th Step which calls for us to take a fearless and searching moral inventory of our character defects. Owning a bias is not a character defect. Denying that we have biases is.

 Taking a 4th Step inventory is a very healthy process. Everyone, regardless of whatever recovery status one may have, could benefit from working the 12 Steps of AA. As one of the slogans stated in our Recovery Service at Church, Recovery is Not Just for Alcoholics Anymore.

Yes, we are all recovering sinners, loved by God and precious in his sight.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the freedom of owning our own defects and biases, Amen

Resilience

A healthy spirit conquers adversity, but what can you do when the spirit is crushed?                                               Proverbs 18:14 (The Message)

– the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress

– an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

The concept of psychological resilience has been around for quite a while, but it has gained more traction in the literature recently. In the past few years there has been increasing work done on trauma recovery and Trauma Informed Care.

We have experienced trauma since February or March, 2020. It persists still, and we have made adaptations to it. The most recent, and the one that looks like it will finally give relief, is the development of the COVID-19 vaccines.

Make no mistake that we have experienced trauma, for some much more substantial than for others, but all have suffered. The good news is that we have resilience as human beings, and we will overcome this trauma.

The virus itself may well persist in some form for generations. Indeed, the “Spanish Flu” of 1918 is still with us in variant, less deadly forms. We saw after that trauma, which was much deadlier than its cousin Coronavirus, that people recovered socially very quickly. After all, they didn’t call them the “Roaring 20’s” for nothing. People responded from that pandemic with vigor and hyper-socialization. I suspect that later this year, people will be letting loose with abandon. There will be gatherings, traveling and returns to normal life with a new exuberance.

There are new variants of the Coronavirus that have emerged that appear to be of great concern, so we are not yet out of the woods on this thing. Remember though, we will get through this and we will thrive again.

We are resilient.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the ability to be resilient and resourceful. Help us to use that wisely, Amen

Lessons from a Bridge

The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

II Timothy 4:18 (NIV)

The Golden Gate Bridge began construction in 1933, with an estimated cost of $35 million dollars. In those days, the estimate was that there would be one construction death per one million dollars spent. Therefore, planners assumed that about 35 men would accidentally die during construction of the bridge.

The builder and designer, Joseph Strauss, decided that this project would not cost the lives of 35 men. He decided to install a safety net underneath the bridge to catch any unfortunate construction worker who may fall. Not only was this a great humanitarian concept, it led to greater efficiency. Workers could now concentrate more on the job of welding, riveting, and all the other tasks of building a bridge. The project came in under budget and ahead of schedule. Eleven men did die during construction- ten in one unfortunate situation where an entire platform fell and the net could not hold that weight. Nineteen other men fell into the net and were saved. Overall, the net indeed saved many lives.

I used this analogy with a client the other day about God’s provision for us. He wants us to feel secure in his love because he has paid the price for our salvation. We don’t need to hang onto our relationship with him- He is holding us!

Prayer: Thank you for the plan to hold us, rather than our meager efforts to hang on to you, Amen.

Joseph Shepherd Chs. 22-24

Chapter 22
Harvey returned to the King’s chambers and explained to His Majesty the
need to draw blood, but not nearly the amount normally taken in a therapeutic
bloodletting. In fact, Shepherd had suggested that only the smallest amount of
blood would be needed; a small vial would do. Harvey found some acceptable
vials, washed them out, and found stoppers to contain the sample of blood to be
taken. Shepherd had suggested that they be carefully labeled, with each of our
samples of blood well marked on the vial. Harvey brought out a fresh lancet from
his bag in the palace dispensary. He always kept medical supplies available just
in case he would need to treat the King, or perhaps one of the courtiers from time
to time. Harvey made a small incision on the King’s fingertip, and proceeded to
repeat the procedure with each of us. Villiers then insisted that he too give a
sample of blood, and Harvey gladly obliged him.
We left the palace in the most expectant of moods. I was initially
disappointed that I was unable to really speak with the King of England, and that
our trip became no more than a medical visit. On the other hand, I could not
shake the idea that we were participating in the most extraordinary scientific
experiment that one could conceive of. While all of this was swirling in my head,
I did not notice that a man was fairly running out to catch up with us. As we
turned, we heard the puffing breath coming from an aging man anxious to catch
us before we left the palace. He was, I guessed, about sixty years old, in fair
shape for a man of his age. He had a ruddy complexion, sharpened by a graying
beard. He had a distinguished look, and it was clear that he was a man of some
prominence, based upon his clothing.
“Stop a moment, I beg you,” he stammered out. Clearly, he was now
quite short of breath, so we stopped to ask him of his need for us. “I have heard
that you are planning an experiment of some kind,” he gasped.
Harvey went over to him immediately. “Francis!” he shouted. “How did
you know that we were pursuing an experiment?”
“Villiers told me,” he replied, now starting to regain his breath and his
decorum.
“Gentlemen,” Harvey said to Shepherd and me, “I would like you to
meet Sir Francis Bacon, the honorable Lord Chancellor of England!”
I had of course heard of Bacon, a brilliant scientist, artist, and writer. I
had not expected to meet him as he was running to catch me and my friends!
Shepherd as usual was gracious, but nonplussed at meeting him.


“Dr. Bacon,” he began, “I am quite honored to meet you. I have read
many of your works, and I am especially taken with The New Atlantis. We must
talk about that sometime.”
Bacon seemed appreciative, but was clearly more interested in
discussing our mission.
“Gentlemen,” he began, “your experiment with blood: I want to know
more about it.”
“Well, so do I!” I laughed. At that Shepherd laughed out loud.
“Come,” he said, “let us all see what is in the offing.”
We went to a carriage that Villiers had procured for us, and we
proceeded to Harvey’s office. Bacon was animated now as the discussion turned
to science. Clearly that was his love. He began to talk about the need for certain
controls in our model, even though he had no idea of what the experiment was.
Shepherd was nodding in agreement, and then he began to tell all of us what he
was looking for.
Shepherd began, “Gentlemen, I believe that we may discover some
important things about blood today. Dr. Harvey has put forth the beautiful theory
that blood circulates throughout the body, pumped by the heart, nourishing and
sustaining all vital organs – our very lives, indeed, in the process. I believe that
blood also carries vapors, airs, as you call them, to all of our organs as well. As
we inhale air, there is a reason why we are built to need it refreshed so many
times a minute. Did you ever consider this?”
I had to admit that something as elementary as breathing was something
that we all take for granted. Just as we must eat, we must breathe. It was obvious,
but, at the same time, inexplicable. Shepherd went on.
“Blood is the courier of all nourishment to all parts of the body. There
are chemical processes that none of us understand that must take place within
our body every moment. Could one ever doubt that we are fearfully and
wonderfully made?”
Well, I wouldn’t doubt that, but I also did not understand these chemical
processes of which Shepherd spoke. Shepherd went on.
“There must be ‘couriers’ in the blood which transport vital elements to
the whole body. It only makes sense to me that, if we can get a close look at the
structure of the blood, we may be able to determine how this life force works. In
the book of Leviticus, it is written that the source of life is in the blood. I intend
to show that to be true.”
Francis Bacon was beside himself. His facile mind seemed stimulated
by such discussion. He said that he was anxious to be part of any research that
used the scientific method to which he was so dedicated.
“Well, you may participate fully, Chancellor,” said Shepherd. “You may
give a sample of blood, then help us to examine our samples. My hypothesis is
that our blood will differ from that of the King. His deteriorating health may be
indicated by changes in his blood. That, at least, is the theory that I wish to test.”

Villiers had suggested that the King’s royal blood was obviously
different than that of commoners such as the small group being tested. But
Harvey and Shepherd had dismissed that comment out of hand without even
mentioning it to Villiers. People cannot hear truth until they are ready to hear it.
Bacon was delighted with such deeply intuitive thinking. “What will you
be looking for?” asked Bacon.
“If my theory is correct, there are small couriers of some type in the
blood itself. These couriers carry nutrients to all the organs in the body, and,
somehow, convey the very air that we breathe to these organs as well.”
Hearing this, Bacon, Harvey, and I were amazed at the ideas presented,
and we were ready to get on with the experiment.
We returned to Harvey’s office, and proceeded to unpack the small
samples of blood that had been drawn. He noted the names on the side of each
vial. He took out the sample of the King’s blood, and placed a drop on a small
plate of glass under the Jannsen scope. We all took turns looking at the sample,
noticing indeed that Shepherd had been correct. There were small disc shaped
“boats” coursing through the sample. There were other shaped items as well,
some of which looked similar, but without the little indentations of the more
numerous bodies that we saw.
We then took turns placing samples of our own blood under the
magnification scope, and found some minor differences in ours. However, we
all agreed that the King’s blood sample contained far fewer of one type of body
than ours. We concluded that this was indeed a bodily process that either
produced the sickness, or was the evidence of it.
Shepherd had an idea that perhaps the King’s diet was the culprit. He
had not had a good appetite, according to Villiers, and perhaps nutrition played
a part in forming these “blood bodies” that the King seemed to lack. The King’s
appetite had been diminished, according to Villiers, so perhaps he had not been
getting some vital nutrient.
“Give him some calves’ liver,” I suggested.
“Why do you suggest that?” asked Bacon. I was about to answer, trying
to sound like there was some good medical idea behind it, but then, perhaps
influenced by Shepherd, simply told the truth.
“I really do not know,” I said. “It just seems to me that about the
bloodiest thing I have eaten lately was calves’ liver. If he needs more blood that
would be a good way to get it in him!”
Bacon laughed, as did Harvey. Shepherd however pondered the idea,
and said that it just might help. We all agreed that, if he would eat anything, it
would be helpful. Eating calves’ liver probably could not hurt.
We went back to the palace the next day with our somewhat odd
prescription. Villiers listened, and then he told the cook to prepare a supper laden
with calves’ liver and fresh greens. We were invited to stay and eat, but we each

had other things to be about. We did not want to intrude on the King, who was
ailing and needed privacy and rest.
Harvey was eager to continue his studies on circulation work, and was
planning to write up his findings for the Royal Society. Shepherd was interested
in going back to the Franciscan hospital to work with the poor and dying. I was
ready to get back to Andrew Kensington to see where I would fit in his
moneymaking schemes. None of us was ready for, or aware of, the adventure
that awaited us.

Chapter 23
It had been over four months now (it now being January, 1621) since we
parted company after leaving the palace and our little medical experiment with
King James was completed. Harvey stayed on at the palace for a while to see to
the treatment of the King. He wrote to me that the King slowly but steadily
improved after his diet began to include higher amounts of calves’ liver and
greens. He drew blood from the King several times to satisfy his curiosity about
the changes he anticipated in the amount of little bodies he saw in the sample.
He wrote that there appeared to be many more of the odd-shaped saucers he
identified in his own blood. He included this in his report to the Royal Society,
but that was overshadowed by the entire concept of blood flow throughout the
body. Harvey wrote that he had been in contact with Shepherd, who was staying
at the Franciscan hospital, and that he had shared the results with Shepherd.
It was at the hospital that Shepherd, who was caring for all the sick and
homeless, also was treating Jacob Carr. Carr was almost completely recovered
from the grievous stab wound he had sustained at the pub. Somehow, he had
managed to escape the fevers that so often accompanied such penetrating
wounds. I could not help thinking that Shepherd’s care was responsible for this.
Perhaps he had used another of his odd treatments on Carr, or perhaps Carr was
just cheating death once again as he was wont to do. Shepherd had also written
to me that Jacob was making some changes in his behavior, and that he had been
staying away from the old thieves and brigands that he had usually associated
with.
“That alone should keep him healthier,” I wrote back to Shepherd.
I, on the other hand, was not faring as well. I had taken Kensington’s
offer to stay at his home. Edwin Carr had moved out, perhaps to appease
Kensington, or perhaps because Anne tired of his company. The Kensingtons
seemed to have mended their relationship at any rate, so my stay with them was
not unpleasant. Being in the company of these two, while somewhat exciting due
to their social contacts and entertaining, was also once again fueling my desire
for gin. Kensington had access to the delightful curse due to his Dutch trading
contacts. I began a regular routine of drinking “Dutch Courage” every night –
then every day and night. I feared that I might just end up as a patient of Shepherd
at the Franciscan hospital like one of the homeless derelicts who frequented the
place. Then again, maybe being in his care would have been just what I needed.
Drinking together with the Kensingtons, however, gave me plenty of
time to plan with Andrew about his business plans for trading routes. He had
been refining it since we first discussed it months ago. It was what he called a
“trading triangle.” The plan looked like this:
The first leg of the triangle now would be from London to a port in West
Africa, on which his ships would carry supplies for sale and trade, such as
copper, cloth, trinkets, slave beads, guns, and ammunition. When the ship
arrived, its cargo would be sold or bartered for slaves. Kensington suggested that
slaves could be tightly packed like any other cargo to maximize profits.
On the next leg, ships would make the second journey, the “middle
passage,” from Africa to the New World. Once the slave ship reached the New
World, enslaved survivors would be sold in the Caribbean or the Americas.
The ships would then be prepared for return voyage by being thoroughly
cleaned, drained, and loaded with export goods for the third leg to their home
port. From the West Indies the main export cargoes were sugar, rum, and
molasses; from Virginia, commodities would be tobacco and hemp. The ship
would then return to London to complete the triangle.
In my haze, this plan looked both profitable and somewhat unsettling. I
did not have the same compunctions that Shepherd had about slavery, but I was
not sure that I wanted to be an active part of it. On the other hand, it certainly
looked profitable, and I was not in a position, nor frame of mind, to turn down a
lucrative plan.
Kensington was busy getting investors lined up for his new venture, as
well as pursuing Edwin Carr to captain the first voyage. He had reconciled with
Carr, and indeed Carr seemed repentant for his behavior with Anne. Perhaps that
was because Anne tired of him, or because he saw how this caused so many
problems with his business relationship with Kensington.
He also was interested in securing a crew that could depart as early as
June, 1621. One of my jobs would be to examine crew and slaves as medical
officer. Kensington assured me that I would not need to spend the rest of my life
on ships. He said that he would pay me well, and that with money I saved on a
few voyages I could buy in as a partner in the venture, and I could then do as I
pleased in England, or wherever I decided to live. It was not my desire to get
right back on a ship after my experiences on the Intrepid. However, three, maybe
four voyages would be enough for me to get the money to invest in the operation,
and then I could live a gentry man’s life out in the country. I finally had what
looked like a plan for my life.
I was not looking forward to telling Shepherd of my plan, but I felt the
need to do so. He had become as good a friend as I had ever had. Certainly, we
had shared some experiences that draw men closer together than many men ever
have.
I ventured to London to see Shepherd at the Franciscan hospital. Upon
greeting him, I was shocked to see that his hair and beard had grown longer. He
was starting to look like the people whom he served! He appeared somewhat
haggard, and thinner than I recalled. His dark brown eyes still had a depth and a

sparkle to them, but there was a sadness too, I was sure. As I approached him, I
saw Jacob Carr walking up to me as well. Carr smiled (another unusual mark),
and I managed a smile myself. Never trusting of Carr, I was wary of every
emotion he might display, figuring that my money purse might be missing if I
did not keep my hand on it.
“Dr. Greene,” he began, “I want to thank you for what you did that night
to save my sorry carcass from bleeding to death!”
“I was only a small part of how you got saved that night, Jacob,” I said
weakly.
“Well,” he said, “my life is different now than it was then, and I just
want to thank you for being a part of what happened.”
I was now getting very uneasy with the way that this conversation was
going. Jacob Carr was a brutish lout of a man, and this gentle talk was bound to
be a way to part me from my money, I was sure. Shepherd intervened.
“My good friend Dr. Greene, it is so good to see you! Tell me, what
brings you here?”
“Well,” I haltingly began, “I wanted to let you know that I have accepted
Andrew Kensington’s offer to be part of his new trading venture.”
“Tell me about it,” urged Shepherd.
I began to blanch a bit, fearful of being judged by a man whom I cared
for and trusted.
“I will be sailing on some routes on the Atlantic trading cargoes between
England, Africa, and the New World,” I said.
Immediately, Shepherd knew what I was up to. He simply looked at me
and said, “Luke,” the first time he had ever been so familiar with me, using my
given name, “I trust that you have given good consideration to this, and that it
will be good for you.” With that, he took me by the arm, and said, “Come, let
me show you around the place. You will be surprised with the changes we have
made here.”
I was shocked at the response, then relieved that he did not look down
on me, or shame me for a decision that must have been odious to him. This man
amazed me every time I encountered him!
Shepherd and Carr showed me a group of young street children who
were bringing in some wood for the fire. They looked much cleaner than the
children I had seen there months before. They had on clothing that was in
reasonably good repair, and there was not a stench pouring forth from the place.
Rows of straw mats held men who appeared to be patients of the place, but they
actually looked presentable. There was a sense of peace and calm in this bastion
of pain and sorrow that defied my understanding.
“How did you make these changes?” I asked.
Shepherd and Carr seemed not to notice the question, and they busied
themselves with greeting the patients and encouraging the children who were

busy raking straw, preparing food, and tidying up after a night of lodging the
street people.
“Joseph,” I asked again, “how did you make these changes here?”
Shepherd turned and said, “I did nothing, really. I simply challenged
people to love one another. We also gave people the dignity of helping one
another, having a mission larger than themselves.”
“Yes,” I said, “that is a wonderful thing, but how did you get money to
buy food, clothing, bandages, and all the other supplies that you have here now?”
“Dr. Greene,” he said, reverting back to a more formal, almost pedantic
tone, “you must stop acting as if God cannot provide when we ask Him for help.”
“All right,” I said, “how did God provide this?”
Shepherd replied, “Jacob Carr has some resources, and he knows many
people here. His help was invaluable in getting this hospital what it needed.”
“You mean Jacob Carr helped to provide this hospital with his own
money?”
I was too shocked for words.
“Yes,” Shepherd replied, “he has been most generous.”
I knew that Carr had made a bit of a fortune with all of his dealings,
thieving, extortion, skimming, and conniving. The idea of him giving it away
was more than I could imagine. However, it was true. Jacob Carr had given of
his own money, ill-gotten though it was, to help these street urchins, paupers,
and lunatics who frequented this hospital.
After looking around the hospital, I went to Joseph Shepherd, and
wished him the best in his endeavors. I told him that I would return after my first
voyage to see how he was doing in his work. I was amazed at what they had
accomplished. The Franciscan friars were busy looking after their regular guests,
and things seemed to be very peaceful. However, not everyone was so happy
with the situation. As I walked through the streets, I noticed that the street
hawkers and professional thieves were not happy that their legion of willing,
hungry, and ragged children was not available to do their bidding and stealing.
As evening approached, I hailed a hansom cab to take me to the Olde
Cheshire Cheese pub. I had frequented this pub in earlier days, and I had decided
that I deserved a good night’s drinking. Indeed, I reasoned that nearly every
night, but tonight there was a mix of excitement, loneliness, and uncertainty that
lurked as my dark companion. Perhaps some beer and perchance a woman would
give me some cheer to expel the unknown that awaited me.
I arrived at the pub at around 7 p.m., and I was hungry and thirsty. I
quickly downed a pint of ale, followed by a delicious stew. I was surrounded by
rough men and easy women who were eyeing their marks for the evening. I was
bound not to be one of them, but I did want some company, and the women were
friendly.
“Lonely, are ya?” asked a woman who had spied me from across the
room.

“Is it that obvious?” I mused aloud.
She smiled and said, “I’m Margaret, and I can make sure that you don’t
spend the night alone.”
“Margaret,” I said, “I would like someone to talk to, but I do not need
for them to spend the night.”
“We’ll see,” she said, and she proceeded to sit next to me. She was an
attractive woman, probably around my age, and free of the pocked face that one
was accustomed to oftentimes. She had red hair flowing in curls down her back.
Her gown showed a rather small bosom, but it was low enough to show that she
was interested in displaying what she had. Her manner was straightforward but
not harsh. She seemed to be a veteran of making men feel wanted and
comfortable, and so she began with me.
“What brings you here?” she asked.
“I simply want to have a good time tonight,” I said.
“I can show you that!” she said.
“Margaret,” I said, “If I wanted to take you to bed, you would follow me
right now, wouldn’t you?”
“Maybe I would,” she said.
“I will buy you drinks, and we can talk, and maybe at the end of the
night we can decide that,” I countered.
“Fair enough,” she said. Under her breath I thought I heard her say with
some disgust, “I get a talker!”
It’s not that I did not want to lay with her – I had done that before with
other women. I was just feeling a need to talk with someone, even if they did not
care so much about me or what I needed to say.
“Honey, if you just want to talk, I can listen to you. I’m just not used to
a man who would rather talk to me than have me spend the night. If you don’t
think I’m pretty enough…”
“Wait,” I interrupted her. “I didn’t say you weren’t pretty. Besides,
you’re just trying to work me here, aren’t you?”
She smiled at my candor, and said, “You might just be fun to talk to.”
I told her about my experiences of the past year – about the Intrepid,
Shepherd’s amazing medical techniques, Harvey’s ideas about the blood,
meeting King James and treating his illness (something I should not have done,
and would not have were I completely sober), and, finally, about my new
adventure with Kensington that was about to unfold. She was increasingly
fascinated by the stories, and before I knew it midnight was approaching. I was
starting to get tired, and I was ending my story when I mentioned Jacob Carr.
She stopped me when I mentioned his name.
“Jacob Carr?” she said.
“Yes, Jacob Carr. Do you know him?”
“Honey, I’ve known him dozens of times,” she said. “Roughest, vilest
man I’ve ever met!”

“Yes,” I said, “up until a few hours ago I would have said the same thing.
What I saw of him today was a different man.”
“I don’t believe it!” Margaret said emphatically.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if you want to see it, come
with me tomorrow, and you can meet both Joseph Shepherd as well as Carr,” I
offered.
“I just think I will,” Margaret said. “Come on, spend the night with me
and we can go in the morning,” she offered.
“I hope you take no offense, but I will get a room by myself tonight, and
I will meet you here tomorrow morning at nine o’clock. Prepare to be surprised!”

Chapter 24
Margaret decided to accompany me to the hospital mission to see Joseph
and Jacob Carr. I was beginning to like Margaret’s simple, earthy ways, and she
was certainly not unattractive. Her profession notwithstanding, she was an
interesting woman, and certainly brighter than she let on. Women of her standing
were never encouraged to express any deep thoughts – maybe that would break
the mood, who knows. At any rate, I was interested in getting to know her a little
better and to perhaps help let her innate savvy and intelligence grow. Meeting
Joseph Shepherd indeed had that effect on people.
As we approached the hospital, Jacob Carr spotted Margaret, and
immediately moved toward her. He broke into a smile and moved to embrace
her. Margaret was a bit taken aback, but she was very good at making men feel
welcome, especially old, loyal customers, whether or not she really felt anything
at all, or even if she were repulsed by them. She laughed and exchanged the
embrace of Jacob. Somehow I sensed that this was not a lustful gesture, for there
was a warmth and innocence to it that made it seem simply like a kind and
welcoming gesture. Margaret seemed to feel this as well, and she smiled at Jacob
as he took her by the hand to introduce her to his new friend Joseph Shepherd.
Shepherd smiled at her as Carr introduced her as “an old friend.” I felt
the need to explain why I brought her to the hospital, but Carr was already on
that.
“Dr. Greene helped to save my life, Margaret, and so indeed has
Joseph,” he said. “I suspect that Dr. Greene has been shocked by the changes in
my life, and he wants to let you see who is responsible for that.”
I could not have expressed that any better than Carr. He evidently had
been learning a great deal from Joseph, and his demeanor and insightfulness
were truly transformed.
Joseph certainly knew Margaret’s background, but he could not have
been more accepting of her, showing her around the surroundings, which by now
had improved immensely since I first saw the place. Margaret seemed drawn to
some of the children who looked up at her with eyes of pain, and many with eyes
bereft of any human emotion. As she walked further, I saw tears roll down her
own eyes, which she now averted from most of the people around her.
Joseph broke the growing silence. “We have much left to do here,” he
said. I was saddened to hear that, even though I knew that he seemed drawn to
this godforsaken place. I was not drawn to this place, and I knew that my time
with Shepherd was growing short. I did have compassion for these people, and I
was starting to see that it was not a waste of time to help these people, even


though many were going to die shortly. I was hoping to begin a new venture in
my life, and I really wanted to share it somehow with Shepherd. Yet, a plan that
involved the slave trade was clearly something he would never do. I was shocked
out of my little reverie by Shepherd’s next statement.
“My dear Luke, I think I have been called to leave this place.”
“But you just said that there is much left to do here!” I said.
“Yes, there is a great deal left to do here, but Jacob has indicated that he
is planning to join the Franciscans, and use the rest of his fortune to help this
hospital. He will take the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, and live the
life of a monk. Jacob Carr has found his life’s work here.”
I was stunned to the core. Jacob Carr was going to be a monk? Jacob
Carr was giving up all his wealth for these people? Jacob Carr was taking a vow
of chastity, poverty, and obedience? Shepherd saw my expression, and simply
said, “We should rejoice when someone finds the reason for their life. You know
the Scripture says that ‘with God, all things are possible.’ This simply is another
example of that truth.”
Hearing this made me think harder about my own life. My decision
about my next life adventure was simply that – what adventure could I take and
make a fortune at the same time. I thought that was what life was about. Seeing
that Jacob Carr would make such a drastic decision, based upon a call of God in
his life, somehow made me feel very small. Very small indeed!
Margaret too was stunned by this remark of Shepherd. Jacob Carr then
broke in.
“Joseph is right in all that he said. I felt a strange sensation as I recovered
from my wound here at this hospital. I was cared for by people who probably
knew that I had been a thief, a murderer, a drunkard, and a womanizer of the
worst sort.”
Margaret winced as he continued.
“Yet they cared for me, nursed me to health, and showed compassion to
others like me. My mother had taught Edwin and me that God loves people
through other people. I did not understand that until I received that kind of love,
at a time when I was close to death. It touched my soul in a way that I cannot
explain, other than that I knew that I must live differently from that time on. So
I have discussed this with Joseph, and I have decided to stay here as he moves
on with God’s call in his life.”
“Joseph,” I blurted, “what is that call for you? Where are you going?”
“I have been talking with Dr. Harvey quite a bit lately, and he has an
interest in returning to Italy to do more study on the blood circulation theory.
While we are both quite convinced of the rightness of this theory, we want to
discuss it with others. Harvey is concerned that this break with Galen’s teachings
will be met with resistance. He wants reassurance of its validity. Sir Francis
Bacon has been so encouraged that he may travel with us. Our little experiment
with King James’s blood so fascinated him that he would like more interactions

with us and the science community in Italy. However, Bacon told me that there
are charges against him of accepting bribes while in office as chancellor.
Nonetheless, he said that his friend Ben Jonson may be persuaded to travel with
us.”
“May I join you?” I asked. Surely I did not just say that, I thought. That
was not even my voice, was it? Nonetheless, I must have said it, because
Shepherd quickly replied.
“I have been counting on that,” he said, almost matter- of- factly.
Margaret looked downcast. She had actually connected at some depth
with men who accepted her not for her body but for her entire being. I wanted to
think that she may even have had some interest in me. I certainly wanted to know
her better, but I felt that strange sensation that Carr must have felt. I needed to
follow a different path in my life, and, somehow, life with Kensington and the
British East India Company was not that path. Margaret would be left behind,
but not forever. My new adventure was just beginning.