“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”                                                                                                                                                                            Luke 15: 31-32

The story of the Prodigal Son is a classic of literature. It speaks truth on many levels, and each of the characters in the story deserves a study on his own. There was the younger son who was restless and immature, and who had no idea of delayed gratification (the “prodigal”). There was the loving, patient and forgiving father who accommodated his son’s request by splitting the inheritance between his older son and the younger, more impulsive son.  Finally, there was the industrious, faithful, but unforgiving older son.

Today, I want to look at the older son. From his point of view, he seemed to have a jealousy of his younger brother.  In effect he said, “Why does dad favor that sinning, loser of a son with a party while I have been faithful all these years. I never left his side, but he never threw me a party. I work hard all the time, but dad throws a big party for that sinner son who has disgraced our family in the community!”

We see his sense of entitlement, his lack of forgiveness, and a lack of joy for the restoration of his younger brother. The older brother becomes the villain of the piece. Once again, Jesus turns the table on our expectations. The younger brother, the failure who returned home in shame, is lifted up by his father and celebrated as being restored. The father rejoices. The older son smolders.

Before we judge the older brother too harshly, we need to see that his attitude is not unlike ours at times. We may be quick to judge, and not see perhaps that such judgment comes out of our own sense of entitlement, or our perceived lack of affirmation by others.

I loved the way that the father responds to the older son. “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

The father’s response was similar in tone to his acceptance of the younger son- loving and understanding. The father had loving responses to both his sons because he loved them both, even when they disappointed him.

What a picture of God we see here.

Tomorrow, a look at the younger son.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the lessons Jesus gave of forgiveness, and his understanding of our nature, Amen.

For I cried to him and he answered me! He freed me from all my fears.  Others too were radiant at what he did for them. Theirs was no downcast look of rejection!  This poor man cried to the Lord—and the Lord heard him and saved him out of his troubles.  For the Angel of the Lord guards and rescues all who reverence him.                                          Psalm 34:4-7

You’re walking over a bridge, feeling fine, no particular worries on your mid that you are aware of, and you are seized with the thought that you might just have this uncontrollable urge to jump. You don’t want to jump. In fact, you are scared to death by the idea of jumping over that rail. So you ask yourself, “Why did I have that feeling? Is there something wrong with me? I better never let anyone know that I had that fleeting thought!”

And such is the nature of some manifestations of anxiety. It makes no sense. Indeed, anxiety is defined as irrational fears. Worry is one thing. It usually has a focus of something in our lives that is a fear, a concern- maybe fear that we will lose our job, so that we can’t pay those upcoming bills. Anxiety takes that worry to the exponential level. The worry about losing a job goes to “I’m going to become homeless”.

I have spoken with a number of clients who deal with anxiety, and often they had never shared that they have some of those weird thoughts. Like those bridge thoughts, or even others just as frightening. It scares them, and they think that they are mentally ill, maybe even evil. Anxiety has seized their rational thinking at that point. When they are able to express those dark thoughts to a trusted person, anxiety is lessened- sometimes to a great extent. Getting in touch with truth does set us free.

We are beset by things we do not understand. I don’t know why anxiety is a self-destructive presence in our lives, but it is. It is almost like it has a life of its own. As I have stated before, it becomes an unwanted traveling partner.

So, getting those thoughts out of our head and into a safer space is therapeutic. The truth does set us free!

Prayer: Lord, you have promised that we can trust you with our fears and worries. Thank you for that reassurance, Amen

Hot tempers start fights; a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace

Proverbs 15:18 (The Message)

We can learn a lot from sports. One of the things that great athletes can do- indeed must learn to do- is to slow things down. When a rookie comes into a professional sport, he or she must learn to control the excitement of their emotions in order to perform at the top of their game. The rush of adrenaline they feel when they walk onto the field, court or arena, must be channeled and kept under control. Some athletes say that they need to “let the game come to them” or a similar phrase that means, “I need to be in control of my emotions and concentrate everything I have into my performance”.

In a similar way, I tell my clients to try to slow things down in the heat of the moment. Taking control of breathing, for example, allows us to focus on the facts and truth rather than the emotional thoughts that might lead us astray.

Recently, I talked with a client about how he gets defensive with his wife during disagreements. He can hear her words at the moment and immediately fill in a blank that she might not have intended. However, because of his past experiences, he tends to interpret her words as indictments of his ability. He knows the truth, but in the heat of the moment, he makes a leap in logic to old untruths.

Just like slow-motion replay in sports helps us to slow down the action and see the truth of the on-field decision, we may need to find our own ways of slowing down the action in our mind to see the truth that we need.

Prayer: Lord, help us to slow down to better see truth, Amen

He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’ “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain.  And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’                                          Luke 12:17-19

While reading in the book of Luke, chapter 12, I came to this parable about the “rich fool”. I was struck by the harsh and immediate judgment this character got. He was admiring his latest abundant crop, and he was thinking about how he could use this as a nest egg so that he could just kick back and enjoy life.  

The point of this parable was not that it is wrong to save up for the days when we are not able to earn enough to live on. Saving money is always a good idea I think. But this fellow seems to embody a person whose first and only thought is for themselves and their own well-being.

The parable was given in response to someone who had pleaded with Jesus to judge a brother who would not share his inheritance. Jesus took the opportunity to say that he was not going to judge in that particular case, but he used it as a jumping off point to illustrate the problem of greed.

Our rich farmer in the parable had wealth, and he was going to be getting even more when his bumper crop came in. His first and only thought was about serving himself, building bigger barns, and taking it easy the rest of his life. Little did he know that such thinking was the last earthly planning he would be doing!

In the times that Jesus walked the earth, there were some very wealthy folks, but mostly there were people who were barely scraping by. The listeners to this parable must have been thinking about their own situation, and how greed begets greed. They may even have been rooting for the rich man to “get what he deserves”.

 Yet this parable is for all, both rich and poor. Generosity is more a state of mind than a function of giving large amounts of money. If that rich man’s first thought had been to consider how he could alleviate the suffering of another person with his wealth, I’m fairly certain that he would not have been the teaching example of the parable. It would not have mattered how much he chose to give to help, it was just the idea of needing to think about how he could be a good steward of such wealth. Jesus was commenting, I believe, on this man’s failed state of mind- of hoarding more for himself than considering the needs of others.

Prayer: Lord, you expect us to be good stewards of all we have been given. Thank you for that way of looking at life, Amen

…You’ll never run out of material.”                                                                             John Jung

“I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member.”                                                                   Groucho Marx

All the days of the afflicted are bad,
but one with a cheerful heart has a continual feast                                                                                 Proverbs 15:15

If we are willing to laugh at ourselves, we will never run out of material. Yes, it is true, and it is a principle of good mental and emotional health. Learning to “not take ourselves too seriously” is a key to contentment, and a tool for continual renewal.

Laughter at ourselves is healthy, refreshing, and it takes the edge off of trying to be perfect. It is far better to be aware of our own mistakes, foibles and quirks than to be blind to them, only to have to have someone else point them out to us. If they do, we might become defensive- especially if at the core we know it is true. Don’t you just hate that?

Sometimes anxiety says to us- (remember, I said in an earlier blog that anxiety is our traveling partner, so we might as well get used to it)- “you should have thought of that”; or “that’s not gonna work”; or “this project will be a disaster”; or “if people find out how incompetent you are…”

I remember telling my interns a story when I was supervising them.

Many years ago, I had just taken a new job at Miami County Mental Health Center, having come from work at the state hospital as a social worker. I realized that I had a huge learning curve in working in a community mental health setting.  My work at the state hospital had been difficult, but it was a very different challenge in this new setting. I thought to myself “If they have any idea how incompetent I am here, they will surely fire me”. And I laughed. It was not true, really. I mean, I was incompetent, they would just never get the chance to find out!

My interns usually laughed, and also felt great relief. Because that is exactly how they felt too at the time. My willingness to laugh at myself, and then share it, gave relief to a common anxiety- “I will be found out as a fraud”.  The truth was, we weren’t frauds, just inexperienced, and we knew it. But laughing about it defused it, normalized it, and we could get on with the business of learning, not worrying.

So, laughter is good, especially when we can see it in ourselves. Like I said, we’ll never run out of material.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the gift of laughter. It is healing to our body and soul, Amen

Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Then the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?” “A staff,” he replied.The Lord said, “Throw it on the ground.”…

Exodus 4:1-4

I had an opportunity again this week to use Moses as an example for one of my clients. The situation was when Moses was at the “burning bush”, where he received his call to free the Israelites from Egyptian oppression.

No one knew better than Moses the power and might of Egypt. Moses had grown up in the splendor of the Pharaoh’s court, and he was acquainted with the cruelty and crushing military power of Egypt. God was challenging Moses to be the man to lead his people out of slavery and into the Promised Land. Moses, quite naturally, I think, resisted God’s direct call, pleading that he was no match for the Egyptian might.

God agreed that Moses was not up to the task, nor was anyone acting alone, but with God’s power on his side, Moses could do anything. Moses was not convinced until God showed Moses the amazing, miraculous power of his simple shepherd’s staff –the one he held in his hand- the one he took for granted.

After God showed Moses what He could do with even a simple shepherd’s crook, Moses came to see the truth of God’s call. With God’s might, even Moses could overcome the incredible odds he faced at the hands of Pharaoh’s armies.   

We have all we need in our hand, even when we do not see it.

Prayer: Help us see what we have when we lean on your power through us, Amen

The second law (of thermodynamics) states that physical systems tend to slide spontaneously and irreversibly toward a state of disorder (a process driven by an increase in entropy)…

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.                                                                                                                                                        I Peter 4:10

It is interesting to me that the laws of physics govern not only the state of matter, but our human condition. Essentially, the Second Law of Thermodynamics states that all things in the universe tend to go to a higher state of entropy (disorder) if left to themselves. If you ever owned a car, or a refrigerator, or a washer- or anything- you know that it will eventually wear out or breakdown. It is a law of the universe. Stuff, like people, eventually wears out and breaks down.

Some people like to quote Murphy’s Law also, which states that “anything that can go wrong will go wrong”. While Murphy’s Law is not a real thing (yes, some would argue that it IS a thing), the Second Law of Thermodynamics is real, and we are governed by it.

I was thinking about this the other day in talking to some clients about their marriage relationship. Unless you do regular maintenance on the relationship, it will start to break down. Relationships are like anything else. One needs to pay attention to them, work on them, nurture them, repair them when they start to fray. If we don’t, they can wear down and eventually fall apart.

Our job is to maintain what we have been given to the best of our ability. Our bodies, our relationships, our possessions- we need to pay attention to them and maintain them as best we can. That is our job as stewards, not owners of all those things.

So, when thinking of important relationships in your life, what kind of maintenance are you needing to do?

Prayer: Lord, you have made us stewards of your creation, help us to maintain those gifts well, Amen.

For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams.                                                                                       Isaiah 44:3-4

Isaiah 44:3-4 talks about the outpouring of water on a thirsty land. The Israelites lived in a semi-arid land, where water often was scarce. People depended on the “early and latter rains” for the crops to have any chance of flourishing. Starvation was possibly one missed late season rainfall away. Water on a thirsty land was a metaphor very close to their hearts. The prophet Isaiah used this analogy to describe the effect of the Spirit of God on his people. He likened the Spirit to the life giving waters in a desert land.

What was true then in ancient Israel is true today. Water is essential for physical life, and the Spirit of God is essential for spiritual life. The Spirit of God was moving over the waters in creation, and the Spirit of God is moving in the hearts of believers. Paul said in his letter to the Corinthians that spiritual things can only be discerned with the guidance of the Holy Spirit of God. We cannot know God aside from the guidance and direction of His Spirit.

I find “dry” times in my spiritual life at times, just as the desert is dry without the life-giving waters provided by the rain. The Spirit of God is the only one who can refresh my dry spirit. Yet this Spirit, the power of creating the universe, can be quelled by my indifference, my failure to yield, my pride, my sense of entitlement. 

Think of a drink of cool water on a blistering hot day after you have been deprived of water for a while. Like that water we drank as kids from the garden hose after playing in the sun. Remember how refreshing that was?! It renewed your physical body, and you actually were revived. The Holy Spirit of God does that for our souls when we allow him to guide our thoughts and actions.

Prayer: Father, I thank you for your Spirit, whom you have placed in my heart. I know that the Spirit gives life, and it gives my soul refreshment. I will acknowledge His leading today, and I will give you the praise, Amen.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8

Watching the news, reading it online, listening to it on radio, reading it on social media, or other electronic media comes with some risk. You can get depressed, cynical, angry, sad, hopeless, resentful- well, how many negative emotions are there? We become inured to this daily barrage because we have a need to know what is going on in the world. Indeed, bad stuff is always going on in the world, but now, we have 24 hour access to news readily available, in real time.

However, the stuff that is NOT news, stuff that goes on all day every day in ordinary lives of ordinary people, is not “news” because it is not sensational. Further, it may not affect many people outside of the people who live in the little context that others are not privy to. All this to say that we can become jaded, unless we start look to that which may not be “newsworthy”, but to that which is important.

I’m thinking of the everyday struggles of some people who sacrificially care for a loved one who needs help. The heroism of the person struggling to make it through the day with a mental disorder, fighting through the crippling anxiety or depression that no one else knows about. The simple acts of kindness surrounding us that we take for granted.

Worthy stories are all around, but we are captured by the big events that often are not only discouraging, but are downright scary. Yes, we need to know about world and local events in order to be informed about our lives and to make good decisions. But let’s remember that there are boundless personal stories of daily heroism and kindness that we don’t hear about.

They may not be newsworthy, but they are important.

Prayer: Lord, help us to remember the things in human nature that are good and praiseworthy, Amen.

I am reprinting my daughter’s blog today because it is deep and it is touching. I‘m sure you will love it like I did.. I encourage a visit to her blog at http://www.traumamom4.com.

Sonder — noun. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own — populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries, and inherited craziness — an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. 

I am mesmerized. A medical student asked me to write a letter of recommendation for her. That’s typical. We work closely with students…they ask us to write letters. They usually send us their CV (like a resume for academic folks) and a personal statement. Often times I feel like if I’ve read one personal statement, I’ve read them all. But this student introduced me to the concept of “sonder” in her statement…and I can’t get past it.

Sonder is the wonder that is my life…and yours. It’s the magical understanding that we all live these crazy, complicated, ugly, beautiful, wild lives. It’s the belief that the intersection of my life and yours is as it was meant to be. Our stories collide for a moment, a period, or a lifetime. And it’s actually just so indescribably simple yet complex…all at once.

Maybe I am especially attuned to sonder as I move about my daily work, interacting with dozens of new people every day, all of whom have a powerful story… how they landed in the Emergency Department and became my patient. The stories I hear shock me, bore me, and break me; the bizarre, the mundane, and the tragic. But every single person has a story. And the older I get, the more interested I am in hearing the story.

Talking to a friend today…we talked about our stories, the narrative we create for ourselves, and also the narrative others create for us, over which we have little control. We decided that, in the end, we can’t allow other people’s understanding of us, right or wrong, determine our worth or dictate how we perceive ourselves. Our own story is our best story. And the way we embrace our story has everything to do with how we feel about ourselves.

I believe that every brush we have with another human has the power to change us forever. The fatherly figure my friend and I met in an ice cream shop in Chicago for 15 minutes when we were 17; the friendly lady who I bumped into at the Verizon store in 2010 who prayed over me for a year and remains a friend on social media to this day; the student whose toes I stepped on at a concert who became my research mentee. We are connected with lines some as thick as the rope that holds an anchor and some as thin as a whisper. But connected no less.

My story is constantly changing. Every day, I learn something new. I meet someone new. And I am constantly milling about in this complex world with 7 billion of my friends who have their own beautiful story. It’s infinitely humbling to believe this. That my story is no more difficult or interesting or better than any other.

I love to hold a hot cup of espresso in my hands after dinner. It’s part of my story. Everywhere I go. From New York to Rome to Indianapolis…a hot espresso is the period on a wonderful day. It reminds me of travel and family and friends. As I hold the tiny cup, the moments of the day roll by in my mind; I hold with wonder all of the feelings of the day…joy, sadness, fear, excitement, peace. In just a few sips, I take in the day and feel big and small altogether.

I don’t know where tomorrow will take me. I don’t know who will brush into my life. I don’t know everything about your life, your story, but I know it’s as wild and beautiful as everyone else’s. I know that we will do well to honor the incredible stories that we each hold.

Sonder is just so beautiful.