After this manner therefore pray ye, Our father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.  Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done even in earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread.  And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen                            Matthew 6:9-13

I used the very old translation of this venerable prayer, because there is a poetry to it in this form. We memorized the prayer as children, and it was typically in old verse like this. There is some comfort in reciting the Lord’s Prayer in the old style, but we need to remember that there is no magic in the words. It gives us comfort to recite, but what do the words really mean?

As I was thinking about this, I saw that this was the model for how we should pray every day. Each morning back in the day that Jesus taught this prayer, people had to find and make their bread for the day. They would go to the community oven to bake bread, or they would daily lay a flat matza (or matzah) on a hot stone to bake it. Bread was a daily staple, but there were no preservatives (not much shelf life), and daily bread was just the way of life.

Just like the bread needed to be daily, so did forgiveness, fleeing from temptation, and deliverance from evil.

 Daily disciplines strengthen us. I have found that I take comfort in the predictability of my daily disciplines, especially as we are living in a world that is so far from predictable every day. So, take control of your daily disciplines- prayer, reading, exercise- whatever things you do daily to make sense of the world in order to keep your body and mind healthy.

We still need Daily Bread.

Prayer: Our father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.  Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done even in earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread.  And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen                          

But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.                                                  Matthew 5:48

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.”                                Vince Lombardi

So, you want to be perfect. Great goal. Even Jesus said that we should be perfect, as his Father in heaven was perfect. So, let’s do this thing. Let’s be perfect.

Perfectionism can make us very anxious because we get frustrated in not having it all just right and under control. Anxiety tells us that we SHOULD be perfect, and anything less is inadequate. We are just not built that way. Less than perfect is OK. Giving up on the pursuit is not.

I tell my clients that the road to perfection is like a hyperbola. Remember algebra and the x and y axis? Parabolas and hyperbolas?

Neither do I.

But those concepts can be instructive for this discussion. I understand that from the mathematical equations in algebra, that the formulas for a hyperbola cannot generate a figure which actually touches the x or y axis. The figure can get closer and closer to the axis, but it does not reach it until infinity. Our quest is like that. We are to do the things that get us closer and closer to the goal.

So, we are on the road to perfection. We will never get there this side of heaven, but we are told to strive for it. We can get closer and closer, and that is our striving. But do not expect perfect. Don’t get weary in pursuit of it, but don’t expect to get it- at least not in this life.

Our fallen nature simply cannot allow for perfect. We can get very close in so many ways, but there are too many things that can get in the way of perfect in this world.

So, we pursue perfection, knowing that we cannot get there. The striving is the key. We keep working at doing better, working toward the ultimate goal. The striving IS the goal. Not the perfection, but the working toward it.   

So, when Jesus told us to be perfect, I think he meant, “Be on the road to perfection- be on the right road. As long as we are on the right road, we will ultimately reach his perfect place at the end.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the right directions toward you in Jesus.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also                                                                       Matthew 6:21

Recently I counseled with a couple who had separate banking accounts and separate finances. It was a problem for them. Now this is not a terribly uncommon situation, and there are some reasons people may have separate financial accounts. Couples who are not married and do not have joint legal obligations often prefer separate financial operations.

In marriage, I suggest that the couple have a common financial system- common accounts, savings, investments, etc. A “common pot” if you will. I think that such an arrangement speaks of high trust and transparency, and it stimulates common goals for spending and saving. After all, budgets are value statements. The ways that we direct our finances reflects our values and priorities. There is an old saying- “show me your checkbook and your schedule, and I will tell you your priorities”

So, I typically recommend that married couples share a “common pot” in the finances. Both contribute, both share in decisions about saving, spending, and both are aware of the financial snapshot of the family at any time.

Finally, I recognize that I am pretty “old school” in this thinking, and that there are reasons why couples may decide to separate finances. However, as I told a colleague the other day, if you are going to be transparent with one another, (even naked) in other aspects of your life, why not be transparent and sharing in your financial life?

Prayer: Lord give us wisdom in all areas of life, including how we use our resources, Amen

Today, a reprint of a past blog- just because…

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.” Maya Angelou

Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, here’s what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; Snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you’re worth. God looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what he’s asked…                                                                                              I Peter 3:9-10 (The Message)

So today, let’s just have fun! I’m thinking about going back to favorite things that soothed us when we were kids. It is essential that we find ways to soothe ourselves when we experience stress. We learn this very early in life, and it is important that we learn to “self-soothe” as opposed to relying upon others give us that sense of peace and stress relief. Stress is ubiquitous, so it is important to learn the skill of finding a place, or an action, which gives us a sense of peace and security.

I was the youngest of four children, and I was the youngest by 6 years. Yes, I was the surprise at the end of the train for my parents- my dad was over forty, and my mom 39 years old when I was born. So, I had a lot of time alone as my older siblings had friends, and school and activities to occupy them while I was very young.  

I found that TV became a place of entertainment and companionship. Shows like “Uncle Al”, and cartoon shows like The Bugs Bunny Hour, The Flintstones, and family shows like Andy Griffith and the Beverly Hillbillies became sources of soothing for me. Later, thankfully, I found reading to be a great friend to me, and it still sustains me as a warm, soothing companion.

I find it interesting that some of the shows I loved as a kid have found an enduring place in the culture. Shows like Andy Griffith, Gilligan’s Island, The Flintstones, The Twilight Zone (and I could go on forever) are cultural icons which even young members of today’s society typically recognize readily.

My question to you is, what is it from the past that gives you that familiar soothing feeling? Think about that, and maybe share it with your kids (or grandkids). Maybe they will have a great laugh at your expense!

Prayer: Father, thank you for those little things that give us peace and joy, Amen.

“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.”                                                                                Robert C. Dodds

I spoke with a couple the other day who presented with marriage problems. There were some typical problems that they identified, including blended family, finances, and difficulty with emotional communication. They were a very open couple and they were able to hear some of the hard things I might need to say to them.

I noted that they were both very successful, driven individuals, and both quite strong-willed. I suggested to them that they could certainly have an improved marriage if they were willing to work. I also pointed out to them that they should not expect a smooth road in their marriage. They were going to have some rocky times due to their strong wills and difficulty compromising or sacrificing. The couple acknowledged this, and even seemed to welcome that clear honesty. They both smiled and essentially said, “yes, that is true of us!”

Some couples have smoother roads on their journey together than others. This couple was going to have a marriage that would be intense and conflictual at times, but that would give the energy to the relationship that both seemed to seek. The very things that drew them together were going to be the potential points of conflict in their marriage. Their candor, and willingness to acknowledge their temperaments will bode well in helping this relationship to survive and even thrive.

The point here is that the road in marriage does not need to be, and will not be, always smooth.  We need to acknowledge the rocks in the road and deal with them. The commitment to look for those rocks together and to face them together is the answer to making the relationship great.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to be able to identify the rocks in the road of relationship, Amen.

“Listen carefully to what I am saying—and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.”                                                                                                                Mark 4:24-25 (The Message)

I have worked in the area of mental health for many years, most of them in the non-profit sector. I am biased, I suppose, in my deep respect for, and belief in what non-profit organizations can do for society. I have been given the opportunity to be involved in many non-profit networks, and I have seen first-hand the good work that these amazing institutions do.

While non-profit organizations must find varied and even unique ways to obtain funding in order to fulfill their mission, typically the major areas of funding are grants, private donations, and selling of services. As a director of non-profits, I always had my funding hat on, as well as direct service provision. I like to think that kept me always on the front lines, and always hustling.

But that’s the thing about non-profits. They must work hard, since they exist for a mission beyond making a profit for stakeholders. The eye on the mission becomes the driver of the organization. We are blessed with many thousands of non-profit organizations in the United States. World-wide there are so many marvelous non-profit entities I could not begin to find a number. Almost all of them require the generous support from foundations and private donors in order to thrive, or even survive.

Generosity to others, whether it be a donation to a non-profit, a church, or to other individuals (like generous tipping, for example) is good for both giver and receiver. Giving is good for us. Indeed, we are built to give. If you want to get some satisfaction of the mind and soul, find a place to give in a generous fashion.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us to give, and you bless us so much when we do, Amen

Jesus once again addressed them: “I am the world’s Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.”                                                                                              John 8:12 (The Message)

Light is a reality. Darkness is the absence of that reality. Light is a positive force. Darkness is not a force or a presence or a quantity of any kind. It appears only when light disappears. Light is not dependent upon darkness, but darkness is totally dependent upon light.                                                                              John W. Sloat

I am not an expert on neurobiology, but it is an interest of mine. I have written in the past about the effects of light on our mood, and that connection seems to be corroborated by brain research regarding the release of dopamine and serotonin when we are exposed to sunlight. This time of year here in the northern hemisphere, that light is abundant and delightful. There is a wealth of sunshine as the days continue to get just a little longer. In a few days, we will be at the summer solstice when we max out on hours of daylight.

A morning walk in moderate to warm temperatures is good for both body and soul. I can just feel my mood elevate as the sun illuminates the world around me. I do believe that light is used in the Bible as the healing and saving metaphor. No coincidence there. I think that our desire for light is natural and healthy.

So, soak up the light while you can, and enjoy the benefits of living in the light!

Prayer: What a gift we have in light of all types, Amen

“Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of committing adultery. In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone women like this. What do you say?” They said this to test him, because they wanted a reason to bring an accusation against him. Jesus bent down and wrote on the ground with his finger.

 They continued to question him, so he stood up and replied, “Whoever hasn’t sinned should throw the first stone.”                                                                                                                                                                 John 8:4-7

This is a familiar passage, because it illustrates several points so well. One is the mercy of Jesus toward a person caught in the act of breaking Jewish law. Another point is that it captures the brilliant response Jesus employed to cut through the improper motives of the accusers. Finally, it illustrates the pervasive nature of sin- it is the common human problem which none of us escape.

The woman who was brought to Jesus and accused of adultery had no defense. She was guilty. Yet she was also simply being used as a prop for the crowd. Her partner in the crime for which she was being accused is nowhere to be found. Clearly, justice was not being served here.

Jesus saw through the plan, and he did not just say to them, “You all are sinners too, and this is not right what you are doing!”  They would have reacted defensively and angrily. Jesus carefully and deliberately used a process so that they could see for themselves their own guilt. This is called conviction of the heart.

What he wrote on the ground in the dirt is open to speculation, but whatever he wrote was powerful and convicting. Maybe he named their sins, maybe he wrote their names, or maybe he wrote out another scripture. Whatever he wrote stopped them in their tracks.

Jesus recognized the guilt of the woman. Yet he pardoned her and said essentially, “go and don’t do this sin again”.

The point here is that “casting stones” at others seems like a bad idea- and yes, we all do it figuratively. If we consider our own actions, and the mercy we have received from others, maybe we aren’t so quick to throw stones.

Prayer: Father, thank you for the example you have given us in your son, Jesus. Help us to remember what he taught, Amen. 

Def. “a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true“

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.                                                                                                    Isaiah 55:8-9

I have always been fascinated with the truths that are paradoxical. So many tenets of the Christian faith fit into this category. For example, Paul says in II Corinthians 12:10 “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong”

So many of God’s ways seem to be counterintuitive to our thinking, yet that actually makes sense since he is the omnipotent God, Creator of the universe, and we cannot begin to bring our little human logic to completely understanding such a Being.

Another example is the way that we approach peace with God. It is not by doing good works, making sacrifices, or simply trying to be or appear good. It is by accepting his gift to us of the sacrifice of his own son, Jesus, to make atonement that we could not make for ourselves. The very idea of God sacrificing his own son for people who have turned their back on him is enough of a paradox in itself.

But there it is. So, in trying to understand God, the answer is, accept in faith what appears to be absurd or contradictory. His ways are higher than our ways. We can better accept that if we have such a mindset. Actually, many feel that is too simple to be true.

Yeah, there is that paradox again.

Prayer: Lord, your ways are higher than our ways. Help us to remember that truth, Amen

Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.”                                                                                                         Mark 2:27

            This passage from the book of Mark is well known, and for the most part, easily understood. Jesus was reacting to the narrow interpretations of the Pharisees who confronted Jesus and his disciples for plucking and eating grain on the Sabbath.

            While it is easy to look back, and criticize the Pharisees for their narrow and short-minded interpretations, I am reminded that to do that also makes me a Pharisee. I expect that at least some of those Pharisees were very sincere in their desire to do the right thing. They had been raised and taught that religion consists largely in keeping the rules. There had not been the emphasis on the rest of the scriptures which reminded them to treat the sojourner with mercy and to feed the poor, etc. For them, the rules were paramount – even to the potential detriment to the people for whom the rules were written. So, keeping rules for the sake of keeping rules is not a good idea, nor the intent of even having them.

            In fact, during the wars of the Maccabees, Jewish rebels who were fleeing from Syrian soldiers, took the Sabbath so seriously that they refused to defend themselves on the Sabbath, for to do so would violate the law. They gave their lives to uphold their strong Sabbath beliefs.  

            Jesus pointed out to them the folly of their limited understanding. I think we too can have limited understanding of God and his plans. The Holy Spirit is the one who enlightens us, and without the Spirit, we also come short and fail to act upon our faith with compassion and light.

            Paul said that spiritual things are spiritually discerned (I Cor. 2:14-15). We need that enlightenment every day in order to properly discern the truths that God has for us. I am reminded that without that guidance of the Spirit, I too am a judging Pharisee, who lacks understanding and mercy toward others.

Prayer: Father, forgive us for our failure to see the most obvious things at times. Thank you for your Spirit, and the guidance he brings to all who ask for it, Amen.