A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance                                                                   Proverbs 28:13 (Living Bible)

I often listen to sports talk shows when I do my morning walk. I find it interesting that when coaches, and athletes who compete at a high level, are interviewed they often make this comment: “I don’t remember all the games, but I sure remember those losses.”

I find this interesting, and sad, but true. We often cannot let go of those losses- those bad decisions, mistakes, failures that seem to occupy more space in our head than they ought. I suppose there can be some silver lining for this somehow, but it seems that if we do not acknowledge those issues, they can overtake us.

All of us can remember mistakes and failures that we would like to forget. Sometimes, we just have to face those unhappy memories, live a bit in the lamenting of them, then file them away for another day. Like I have said in the past, we can visit those places, but we don’t have to live there.

I have found that embracing those memories when they come up, rather than trying to suppress or avoid them, is probably the healthiest way to deal with them. They will never just “go away”, so we must find a way to have peace with them, acknowledging them as traveling partners, however unwanted they may be.

I think by acknowledging those moments, we find a way to control them, rather than allowing those unhappy memories to control us. After all, failures and mistakes need not define us, they are just part of the journey.

Oh, and by the way, finding a way to forgive ourselves for those failures and mistakes is a pretty good idea too…

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the gift of memories, and it is a wonderful gift. Help us to manage those memories for our good, Amen

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.                                                                                                                                                                  Matthew 5:16 (KJV)

“Even the smallest light shines bright in the darkness”                                                   Donna Raye

Have you ever been in a cave? You know, like those tours in Mammoth Cave or some other spacious cave? If you have, you know how dark it is when the guide turns out the lights. Yes, it is almost painfully dark. You literally cannot see your hand three inches from your face. That dark. Then the guide lights a match some distance away, and it looks like a laser beam.

So, think about what it is like when you are in an emotional darkness. You feel that there will never be light again. You cannot remember what it is like to see or even feel the light again. Then comes a little note, or call, or card. Someone just sent a little thoughtful connection. Not a big deal in anyone’s thinking, but that day, that moment, it was as bright as a star.

You see, when it is REALLY dark, a little light shines inordinately bright. In comparison to the present environment, it becomes a huge event. Small by some standards, it is a ray of hope.

I spoke with a client recently who said that the little card and gift that she received from her church during the Christmas season, “made my week”.

So, don’t try to judge or minimize the effect of a small gesture. It really could be the brightest spot a person gets all week.

Prayer: Lord, help us to really see the little lights you send to us from others, Amen

Answering before listening is both stupid and rude                                                 Proverbs 18:13

The Book of Proverbs is really old- well over 2000 years old- yet it provides wisdom even today. All of us should heed the words in this book, and while some parts are certainly culturally dated, the principles by and large remain as helpful truths.

Take, for example, today’s passage about listening. As a counselor, I know that my client deserves to have a good and thorough hearing of the things that are important to them. Things that have been weighing on them. They may have confusion about direction. They may have shame and guilt over past actions. They may have deep sorrow, or they may have anxiety that prevents them from sleeping.

Whatever they bring to the session needs to be heard before a discussion can begin. Any preconceived ideas I may have about them or the issues they bring must be set aside until I get to know their mind and heart.

The writer of Proverbs knew this, and told his readers that failure to listen is “foolish and disrespectful”. In The Message version quoted above, the writer says that “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude”.

I suggest that this also applies to today’s political discourse where we hardly give any consideration to listening top one another in order to apply our strongly held beliefs with some vigor.

Proverbs has some great stuff. We should listen.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the wisdom we see in Proverbs. It is timeless and needed for today, Amen.

 They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.

 Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

 He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”                                                                                                           Mark 9:33-36

So, I can just imagine the conversation among the twelve disciples before Jesus confronted them about their bickering. They were ashamed because they were trying to decide among themselves who was the greatest. Maybe, most likely, they argued about who was the favorite of Jesus. These are grown men mind you, and they had been around Jesus for a while, and they were arguing over who was his favorite. They had, of course, completely missed his message, and the irony was, they were, in effect, trying to decide who missed his message the worst!

Jesus had to call them out by showing them, again, the paradox of power- the ones who give it away most effectively, are the ones who are the most successful.

I think about religious denominations which essentially argue, “Who has the path to God?” In other words, “who are God’s favorites?” The answer is, those who most effectively serve others without worrying about who gets credit. Wars have been fought over which Christian denomination is “right”. Pretty ridiculous, right? Yet it is human nature to be competitive with “closeness to God”.

So, we shouldn’t be too hard on the disciples. They just wanted to be the closest to Jesus. Great goal. The way to do that is to do his will, and to serve his children.

Prayer: Lord, your message is so simple that we often miss it. Thank you for your plan to be childlike to be close to you, Amen.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.                                                            II Corinthians 4:8-9

One of the phrases I often use with clients is “good behavior beats bad thinking”. What I mean by that is, we are often beset by thoughts which are disturbing, and that we may feel are out of control. Anxiety will do that. Thoughts can take on a life of their own, and they often depart from rationality. Anxiety, after all is typically irrational. Worry can be based in reality, but anxiety transcends rational thought and becomes “worry about worry”.

The antidote to anxiety is control. There is nothing wrong with control, it’s just that there are a lot of things we cannot control. So, I think we should try to control all the things that we can reasonably control to lower our anxiety.

One of the things that we CAN control is our behavior. We can do things which can give us a sense of comfort and security, even when our thoughts may tell us otherwise. I tell my clients to come up with their list of behaviors that they can count on when thoughts get out of control.

There are behaviors which can directly help our anxious state, such as preparation for a dreaded event (that exam, that interview, etc.), talking things over with a trusted friend for support, and making sure that we maintain our physical and spiritual health.

There are also behaviors which can just be diversions- things like watching a movie, running or walking, reading, playing a game, or a host of other activities which may just take our mind off the current spiraling thoughts.

So, good behavior can overcome bad thoughts. We do have more control than we might think about how we can respond to anxious times. Controlling the things that we can control is not a bad thing. We just need to know the difference about what is truly under our control and what is not.

Prayer: Lord, you would have us to be anxious for nothing, but our human minds struggle with that. We know that you are present in the troubled times, Amen

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest                                           Matthew 11:28 (KJV)

Yesterday I talked about “The Tireds”, and I explained the three types of feeling fatigue- physical, spiritual and mental/emotional. I went on to say that the remedies for these three types are different. For physical fatigue, we need rest and sleep. For mental/emotional fatigue, I suggested physical exercise which refreshes our mind, and gives better blood flow to the entire body, including the brain. This helps our thinking to become clearer, and allows us the pause to think with a “renewed mind”.

Spiritual fatigue is something we rarely discuss. I must first say that spiritual fatigue looks like doubt, anger, hopelessness, feeling abandoned by God, disappointed by the church (or Church- there is a difference), or even apathy. There can be any number of feelings associated with such fatigue, but those feelings are just that- feelings. We have a right to our feelings, but we must own them and not blame anyone else for them. When negative feelings occur, we need to do something about them. Brooding or going to a place of victimhood are surefire poisons.

So, what are the remedies for spiritual fatigue? Truth and the expression of it. We must honestly own those negative feelings, then express them to safe people. To put that simply, the remedies are truth and fellowship.

Our anger at God, our doubts, disappointments, etc. are all things that God is not surprised at. He is the Maker, so he knows us very well. Being honest with God, and expressing to “safe” others our negative feelings is freeing. Yes, you know, the Truth sets us free.

I suggest that feeling guilty about being angry at God is not healthy or helpful. Sometimes letting others know our feelings about our sense of disappointment with God is just the thing to unlock that spiritual fatigue.

Finally, as I tell my clients, we can visit those places of our disappointment with God, but we can’t live there. Process those feelings honestly, and know that God is there in the end.

Prayer: Lord, we thank you for knowing us and accepting us right where we are. Send your refreshing Spirit to those who are suffering, Amen

May we be refreshed as by streams in the desert                                                          Psalm 126:4 (Living Bible)

Yes, that is a weird heading for a blog – “The Tireds”. In fact, I’m pretty sure that “tireds” isn’t even a word. But for my purposes, it works, because today I want to talk about three kinds of tired. Since we are physical, spiritual, and mental/emotional beings, I contend that we can get tired in each of those dimensions. We are typically used to thinking of being tired as a physical phenomenon, and indeed, that happens to all of us.

Yet, we can be emotionally or spiritually tired, and we often pass it off to what we know experientially- being physically tired. As we know, the remedy for being physically tired is sleep. We take a nap (or we drift off during that favorite show in the evening- OK, I do), or we go to bed for the night and sleep in order to get refreshed. That, of course, is how it is supposed to be. Sleep is the remedy for physical tiredness.

But how about the remedy for emotional or even spiritual tiredness? Is sleep the remedy for those? I would say no, it is not. The remedy for emotional or mental fatigue is often exercise, or a physical activity that gets our heart rate up. Sleep can be merely an avoidance when mentally or emotionally fatigued, not a remedy. I suggest often to my clients that if they recognize mental or emotional fatigue- “exercise until you are physically tired”. With that, they have energized their mind and often helped clear it of thoughts which are dragging them down.

So, physical exercise is a possible remedy for mental/emotional fatigue, and sleep is a remedy for physical fatigue. What might be the remedy for spiritual tiredness?

Gotta stay tuned for that one…

Prayer: Lord, you give us ways to refresh our bodies and spirits. Give us the discernment to know how to refresh, Amen

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things                                                                  Philippians 4 :8 (KJV)

Sometimes the old King James version of the Bible brings a sense of poetry and majesty into our life. I chose the verse above because it contains some great mental health principles. This verse encourages us to concentrate on beauty, wholesomeness, uplifting things. What better way to set our mind on things that can bring us into the presence of God? What better way to avoid the evil in the world that besets us?

Choosing to think on those things led me recently to stay away from current events podcasts and news analysis as I do my morning walk. The choices that we make to set our minds in certain directions sets the tone for the whole day.

I would say that Paul, the writer of this letter (from jail no less!), knew how to seek good mental health.

Prayer: Help us Lord to stay in that positive lane of thinking, Amen

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”                                                                                John 8:32

Many years ago, in college, I read an essay by Matthew Arnold, a British writer, educator and philosopher. His piece was entitled Hellenism vs. Hebraism, and it struck me to the point that I actually read it again, even after it was no longer required reading! Yes, it fascinated me.

The essay discusses two different worldviews, that of the Greeks, and that of the Hebrews. He explained that these worldviews guide our viewpoints on many things in life. The Hellenists looked at things empirically- they tried to see things as they are, and they were open to only rational or logical explanations of their world. They were willing to test and try things with a more open mind, seeking truth through knowledge.

Hebrews, on the other hand, saw things as they should be, under the guidance and order of God. They saw that not everything can be explained by rational thinking and logic, and that there was a mystical part of life that they simply accepted as true, even without proof. They were seeking truth by acknowledging that there was a God who gave that truth, and their job was to follow God’s direction for them.

These are very broad and brief descriptions, but you see where this was going. Two divergent worldviews, both of value, could lead to some serious disagreements on the nature of truth.

Today, we have variants of these worldviews. In some people’s eyes, this has become a “science vs. faith” issue. I believe that science and faith are not mutually exclusive and that both have been given to us by our Creator.

Prayer: Lord, as we explore truth, help us to seek with your guidance, as well as the mind you have given us to reason, Amen.

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!

Mark 9:24

Sometimes we make definitive statements which are too black and white. Sometimes, in order to try to understand the world, we break things into “either/or” categories. That often is too simplistic. Life is nuanced, and there are simply areas of life that cannot be broken into such clear categories.

An example I see is in the area of “certainty”. Living in a certain amount of ambiguity is uncomfortable. We want an answer. In our faith journey, we often want simple yes or no, black or white answers. Yet, I think there are plenty of things which do not lend themselves to easy answers.

Having faith does not mean that we have no doubts. I would argue, that without doubt, there is no need for faith. If everything is simply a matter of blind faith, we leave no room for the discomfort of doubt. I believe that our faith can stand the scrutiny of sincere questioning.

In an earlier post, I made this statement relative to prayer: “We all have doubt, I take that as a given. However, it confirms our faith each time we pray. It affirms our faith, however shaky it may be. Faith, even as small as the mustard seed, is shown when we open our mouth to utter His name.”

The principle here is that we act on faith, even if we are not fully on board. No faith is perfect, but whatever faith we do have must be exercised to become real. It is a counseling principle that we “Do, then feel”- meaning, if we do good and right behaviors, we will begin to feel better. We cannot wait to feel better to start acting better.

So, you have doubt, I have doubt. Let’s not let that get in the way of exercising that small faith that we do have. “I believe, help my unbelief”

Prayer: Thank you Father for giving us the mind to have doubt. Thank you for the grace to give us such space. Thank you for the gift of faith and the room for doubt. Amen