And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free                                                                              John 8:32

Yesterday I spoke about trauma and its effects on our brain and on our attitudes. I suggested that there are healthy and unhealthy ways to respond to trauma. Perhaps the first healthy step is acceptance of the fact that we experienced trauma. It is natural, after a traumatic event, to want to distance ourself from the event(s).  Some traumatic events, such as being physically violated by another person, may cause the victim to feel shame. Other times, there is denial of the severity or impact of the event in order to protect ourselves from the anxiety of recalling the event.

Awareness of our current emotional state is an important practice to cultivate.  Such self “check-ins” are important for us to do. It keeps us grounded so that we cannot mislabel emotions. As I have noted in other blogs, oftentimes certain negative emotions such as fear, sadness, hurt, resentment, etc. come out looking like anger or irritability. Perhaps because that is more acceptable than showing fear or sadness, or perhaps because that is an emotion that we can more easily access.

Whatever the reason, self-honesty about our current emotional state is a first step in healing.

The truth does set us free.

Prayer: Lord give us the courage to face and accept the emotions we find in our heart, Amen

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way                                                                                                                                                                     James 1:2-3 (The Message)

In the counseling world, and indeed much of the media, trauma and its effects have been getting a great deal of attention in recent years. Of course we recall that after the Vietnam War, PTSD was introduced as the term that diagnostically captures the effects of trauma in soldiers returning from conflict. In earlier wars, terms such as “shell shock” and “combat fatigue” tried to describe the devastation of the horrors of conflict.

Trauma however, is ubiquitous in human life. Every one of us has faced a trauma (and often, many) in our lives. I use that term, because trauma need not be catastrophic to be called “trauma”. Trauma is any event or prolonged stress exposure that makes significant changes in our lives, and even in how our brains work. Yes, it literally changes how we think and perceive.

We must also avoid trying to gauge “how traumatic” an event is in the lives of others. Judging how “your trauma is more significant than my trauma” (or vice versa) is both futile and pointless. If someone has experienced events that they believe are traumatic, then they are traumatic events in their life.

I say all this to recognize that trauma changes our life, and typically imprints sustained memory of the events(s). How we handle that trauma is the key. How do we respond? Do we seek help for it? Do we keep it a dark secret? Do we let it define our life negatively? Do we seek potentially destructive behaviors to try to deal with it?

There are many healthy, and unhealthy, ways to respond to trauma in our life. In future blogs, I will explore some of these responses.

Prayer: Lord, give us wisdom as to how to respond to life events that can so change our world, Amen

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”                                                                                               John 8:32 (NIV)

Often when I see clients, I give them a few gestures to explain the value of expressing thoughts and feelings to others. I put my forefingers up to my forehead, and I make a gesture moving those fingers away from my head forward and outward. While I do this, I say to them, “the healing thing is to get stuff out of here and out to there”. The meaning of course is, those hidden, nagging things that are rolling around in our head can cause confusion and anxiety. We need to validate those bound up things (for the most part) with others, and unburden ourselves from those thoughts that have taken on so much more power than they really should. When those thoughts and feelings hit the light of day and the ears of caring listeners, healing can happen.

Talking to others can free us, as can other expressive outlets like art, music, dance, writing- you name it. Getting it out of our head into the light of the world around us sets us free. So, whatever medium strikes you- and there are many- make sure to express those thoughts and feelings that can bind us.

The truth of expression sets us free. 

Prayer: Thank you Lord for making us relational beings. This allows us to be healers to one another, Amen.

 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.                                                       Matthew 5:13

I am fascinated by chemistry. Had my math strengths been better, it is possible that I might have majored in chemistry in college. However, I realize that while I have an interest in chemistry, at best I could only be considered a chemistry “spectator”, or maybe admirer. I do not think I have the academic rigor to pursue the hard sciences professionally. Call me a science “groupie”.

At any rate, I am fascinated by the chemical elements and compounds. One of them is salt. Common ordinary table salt. There are many types of salts, but the one we are most familiar with is sodium chloride. Salt has been valued for centuries, mostly, in the past, for one thing- its preservative qualities. Before refrigeration, people needed to find ways to preserve precious food supplies, such as fish. In the time of Jesus, salting fish was a common way to preserve them. Another was drying the fish, and still another was smoking the fish. All produced the result of allowing the fish to be kept much longer than in its fresh state.

Through the centuries, salt was sought after and wars were even fought to ensure steady supplies of it. Cities grew up around salt mines, and the word “salary” even derives its meaning from salt, since workers often were paid in allocations of salt. It was that important a product.

In the sermon on the mount, Jesus used the analogy of salt. He told his followers that they were to be the salt of the earth. This meant that they were to be the ones to deliver the message of grace and redemption in order to “preserve” the earth. If they failed to be “salty” they would fail in the mission.

In order to live out the full mission of being “salty” not only are we to preserve the earth with the good news of the gospel, but we also need to display other qualities of salt- making things taste better, and making people thirsty. People will not hear our message of hope if we are not making the world “taste better”- that is, be more of a palatable place to live. If we do not make people thirsty to hear about the hope of the gospel, we will not be effective.

So, consider how you can make the world around you taste a little better. It is only then that we can get a hearing for people to know how grace can be freely given to them.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the creation that you have spoken into existence. Even salt is part of your plan for our benefit, Amen.

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?”

He said “Lord you know all things; you know that I love you.”

 Jesus said “Feed my sheep…”

From John chapter 21

The above passage captures part of Peter’s journey through fear, doubt, rebuke, and healing. Jesus had told Peter that he would be a betrayer when the times got hard, but Peter in his pride and arrogance protested. Alas, as Jesus had predicted, Peter denied Jesus three times before the cock crowed. Peter was devastated and was in need of personal healing from Jesus. He may have known that he was forgiven by Jesus’ death, or maybe not. Such a truth is so overwhelming and earth changing, the disciples perhaps had only a glimmer of this truth at that point. But Peter needed a personal touch from Jesus.

So, at the end of Jesus’ stay on earth, He had some unfinished business with Peter. Jesus took him aside and reminded him of his threefold denial of Jesus with a threefold question of Peter: “Do you truly love me?”

Peter must have known that Jesus was reliving that denial scene at the time of the arrest, and he was troubled that Jesus really would question his love. “Surely you know that I love you Jesus” he said, “You know all things!”

Jesus, in his profound wisdom, knew that Peter needed to own his past sins in a very clear way to know the impact of them. Peter needed to learn about remorse, not just forgiveness. Remorse is contrition driven by seeing the pain of the one offended, not mainly for the remediation of the pain of the offender.

Jesus, when the lesson was sufficiently understood by Peter, offered not just forgiveness, but meaningful restoration.  “Feed my sheep” Jesus said.

So often our guilt separates us from true fellowship with Jesus. Jesus will have none of it, and instead offers us a place of meaning and dignity. He is that kind of Redeemer!

Prayer: Father, thank you for giving us your Son, who not only teaches us forgiveness, but also restoration and dignity. What an amazing gift and plan!  Amen.

I cry out to God; yes, I shout.
    Oh, that God would listen to me!
When I was in deep trouble,
    I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven,
    but my soul was not comforted.
I think of God, and I moan,
    overwhelmed with longing for his help.

Have his promises permanently failed?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
    Has he slammed the door on his compassion?

(Excerpts from Psalm 77)

These excerpts from Psalm 77 are just a window into David’s thinking. He wondered when his depressive thoughts would end. He finally concluded that God had a history of saving his people, so he took some comfort in God’s ultimate provision.

I don’t know if the DSM-5 has come up with a revision to include a diagnosis of “Covid Depression”. They might. Maybe they should. This virus has been in our lives since February 2020, and it has colored everything in our lives. Any issues that my clients may have had prior to this virus and its aftermath have been greatly exacerbated by the current climate. It literally makes everything worse.

Whether or not you were depressed prior to the COVID crisis, I can bet that you carry a low level of depression now. I do. Anytime our standards of stability are upset, we respond with some reaction. We try to regain normal. The presence of COVID has stymied many of those attempts at trying to regain normal. Our response is often a complex brew of sadness, anger, fear, and helplessness. Collectively, that jumble of feelings can be called depression.

Reactive depression is a thing. We all experience it in our lives, and we then must do something about it. Feeling like there is no escape is absolutely the worst place to be, but for a while, that is the case. Then we recognize that we can VISIT that place of depression, but we do not want to LIVE there.   

For me, I recognize the signs in myself. I am a little bit irritable, sad about the fact that our lives continue to be disrupted. I wonder when this oppression will end. How does our economy, or our social interactions, survive? When will COVID stop being a dominant news story? So many questions to which I have no answers.

So, I do what I can do, and I try not to get bogged down by what I cannot do. I can look at my attitude and remind myself of the many blessings I have. I can wear a mask and social distance, as necessary, because I think that is what science recommends. I am vaccinated and boosted. I can do the things that at least approach normal, like eating out at restaurants on their patios, (when possible), testing before any social gatherings, etc. I can continue to exercise and work. I can reach out to others to support them.

So, that is my therapy plan. I assume that you have some COVID Depression like me. What is your therapy plan?

Prayer: Father, you know the big picture that we cannot see. I trust that your plans are good and healing for us, Amen.

The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry,
And a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.                                  Proverbs 25:11-12 (The Message)

In this time when we find the national discourse to be so negative and discouraging, I look to Proverbs to find some wisdom.

When I see clients, I look for ways to encourage them. I affirm progress that they have made, I make observations about their strengths, and I try to give them hope for solutions about their problems.

I must add that I do not simply “make things up” to make people feel good. That would be wrong and counterproductive- demeaning, actually. I look for genuine ways that I can find positive things in their life, their work toward counseling goals, their care for others that I observe, etc. and then I give them that feedback.

It is not hard to find positive attributes in people with whom we have a relationship. The challenge is to tell people what you see in them. So often, I see clients brighten just a little when encouraged with such positive feedback. Research has shown that people tend to live up to (or down to) the words spoken into them, especially from those who are trusted.

Yes, Proverbs also talks about the flip side of this too- reprimands for poor actions or faulty thinking. That truth must also be spoken. That must also be done with kindness and respect, and it can only be heard if one has gained the right to do so in the relationship.

However, today’s thought is this. Simply look for the things you can affirm- then do it.  

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the power of emotional life and death in our words. Help us to use them wisely, Amen

 He looked them in the eye, one after another, angry now, furious at their hard-nosed religion. He said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” He held it out—it was as good as new!                                                                   Mark 3:5-6 (The Message)

We see in this passage from the gospel of Mark that Jesus got angry. I mean really angry! Why did Jesus get so angry? He was speaking up for someone who was being oppressed by religion. I cannot imagine anything that might get Jesus angrier than people who say that they are acting in his name, and then oppressing a person who needs help.  

So many people have been hurt by organized religion. Some religious leaders, acting in what they believe is truth, end up hurting the very people to whom they could or should be ministering. 

I see clients who have felt judged by the people that they trusted to help them. In the above scenario, the religious leaders of the day were offended that a man sought healing on the Sabbath. They were shocked that Jesus would break the Sabbath law to heal the crippled man. Jesus knew that the Sabbath had been made for man, not man for the Sabbath. The Spirit of the law overruled the letter of the law. Compassion overruled the sterile words which bound those leaders. The religious leaders could not see the deeper truth.

Yes, it takes discernment to determine what is the right thing to do. Helping people who are hurting, regardless of the surrounding will likely be the right thing to do. The fact that people were ready to deny healing to a hurting man on a technicality really riled Jesus.

So, getting angry on behalf of those who are hurting and being treated unjustly might be a good reason to get angry.

Prayer: Father, help us to see the deeper truth of your compassion to those who are hurting, Amen.

We break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every thought and make it obey Christ.                                                                                           II Corinthians 10:5

We are surrounded every day with situations which are challenging. Even our own thoughts often tend to work against us at times. We have messages, often triggered by events around us- comments from other people, the seemingly constant parade of negative news stories, etc.- which can really put our minds into a place of tension and despair.

The verse from II Corinthians reminds us that we need to take hold of our thoughts, and conform them to the worldview which we hold to be life changing and life-saving.

Sometimes we get caught up in an anxiety response, an emotional and physiological reaction that is immediate. That physical/emotional response comes quickly, and the cognitive (executive part of our brain) weighs in later. That is really how we are wired in our fight/flight response system, and it often serves us very well. It can protect us from danger, but it can run away with us if we don’t use the executive part of our brain to regulate when the initial trigger is gone.

The writer Paul suggests that we become aware of our thoughts, own them, then take charge of them, and not let them take charge of us. Speak truth to the thoughts that tell us something else. Our anxieties and insecurities can give us wrong messages which must be tested in the light of truth. To do that, we must take charge of the input in our minds.

The truth does set us free, we just need to slow down the emotions of the moment and put our cognitive, our “executive brain”, in charge.  This takes discipline and patience, things which are in shorter supply when we have few margins in our life.

So when we feel stressed, angry, fearful- whatever negative emotion comes up, we need to take the thoughts captive. We need to ask, “Is this truthful?” “Is this loving?’ Is this helpful?” That way we can slow things down and respond in ways that are honoring to ourselves and others.

Prayer: Lord give us the patience and discipline to take our thoughts captive and conform them to your truth, Amen.

Share each other’s troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord’s command.               Galatians 6:2 (Living Bible)                                                                     

Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.                                               Galatians 6:2 (KJV)

Sometimes, we undervalue the gift of listening. We as counselors have the opportunity regularly to listen to our clients, and thereby, with that simple act alone, we can help bear the burden of the client. Listening alone is often not sufficient for counselors, since we have the obligation to offer other resources, help to plan for solutions, and refer to other helpful resources such as medication support, or other community supports.

However, listening alone is a sacrificial gift which we all can offer to others. We humans are built to be social beings. We are made to interact with others because it is beneficial for us physically, spiritually and emotionally.

I have often marveled at the relief that is experienced when one can simply talk with another person who can hear their heart. The problem does not change, but the acceptance and support of that other person(s) makes the burden just a bit lighter. It feels freeing to simply expose the issue to another person who cares and wants to help.

When Paul said in his letter to the Galatians that they were to “bear one another’s burdens”, I think this is what he had in mind.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us all the high calling of bearing one another’s burdens. In doing so, we are obedient to your purposes, Amen