Simon Peter answered, “Lord, there is no one else that we can go to! Your words give eternal life…  John 6:68 (Contemporary English Version)

Disappointed with God. That was the title of a book written by Phillip Yancy many years ago. Do you feel that way sometimes? If so, you’re in good company. The Psalmists, including David expressed such feelings very clearly and openly to God in their writing and in their prayers. Other Bible writers expressed that sentiment also. If you’re honest, there were plenty of times you felt that way too.  

The fact that we can be open and honest with God about such disappointment speaks to the very relationship that we have with him. Hiding those feelings from others, and ourselves, is not healthy. Sharing such disappointment with God is not only honest, it is proper. The fact that we can even be disappointed says that we have expectations of God to be part of our life. He simply does not always react the way that we would want or like.

The hard part is to “trust him anyway”. That is what the Psalmists usually ended up saying. I mean, what else can we do? As Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, there is no one else that we can go to! Your words give eternal life…”

So, it is, in my humble opinion, good to let God know that we are hurt, sad, disappointed- whatever it may be. He already knows that anyway. But we also know that we must “trust him anyway”, because truly, there is nowhere else to turn, and he has the words of eternal life.

Prayer: In the words of Peter, we know that you are the person that we turn to, and to “trust in anyway”, no matter the circumstances, Amen

 “The tongue has the power of life and death.” The stakes are high. Your words can either speak life, or your words can speak death. Our tongues can build others up, or they can tear them down.                                                                                                                                                             Proverbs 18:21

I had an interesting discussion the other day with a client about some communication with his wife. As we have explored in past blogs, communication can be very complex. First, there are all the non-verbal communications which are very powerful -things like eye contact, smiles, body posture, spacing, and gestures, to name a few. Verbal communication involves not just words but tone of voice, emphasis on certain words, and of course, the words themselves.

Little nuances in wording can make a big difference in communication. I was talking with my client about how he can communicate his needs to his wife regarding alone time. “Alone time” is something that everyone needs, some, of course more than others. Asking for that need was one of our discussions. He was concerned that his wife would misunderstand when he asked for time alone. In fact, that had been the case at times, and he worried about having that happen again.

He told me he would say things like “Could you give me some time alone?” This statement alone does not seem to be a problem, but if you put it in the context that there have been frictions over “control”, this statement may have taken on a different meaning than intended. Further, I have no idea of the tone of that message, or the non-verbals connected with it.

First, he was asking her to give him something that he could do for himself. It is not up to her to “give” him time alone. Another little nuance, not a big thing, but maybe a big thing, is the wording of “time alone” I suggested that he use the phrase “alone time” which is something that does not infer that he wants to be away from her, but a needed space of just having time to himself. 

Again, I realize I am getting into the weeds here of nit-picking words. Yet, attention to how those words may come across to the listener is important. I was trying to sensitize the client to see that his wife may see his words differently than he intended. That he was perhaps unintentionally giving a message to her that he did not want to give.

So, words matter. Thinking of how those words might be perceived is important. True, we are not responsible for how people receive our messages, but we do need to have consideration for how to best present that message.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the gift of language and communication, what a precious and powerful gift, Amen.

Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights                                                           Proverbs 18:15

I was speaking with a client recently about her anxiety, and we talked about her husband’s frustration with her about her need to have him communicate with her. In fact, she needs it a lot. She wanted a great deal of information from him- not because she didn’t trust him, but because she has anxiety. Her need for information, to know as much as she can, is her way of controlling her anxiety. Unfortunately, for her husband, it feels to him like her way of controlling him.

I explained to the client that information is an antidote to anxiety. The more information we have, the less we need to “fill in the blanks” which our mind will readily supply- most of it with negative narratives. Information is a form of control. The more we know, the better prepared we are to deal with whatever may come down the road.

This was a great relief to my client. She does not want to control her husband, yet her behavior looks like that to him. I told her that she is not trying to control him, she is trying to control her anxiety.

With that relief, we brainstormed ways to discuss this with her husband, who truly does want to help her, but he must know how he can do that effectively. After all, they are on the same team, but teammates need to have a consistent set of signals to one another that they can trust- just like an effective football team. Both need some tools to communicate their needs to one another better, and they are working on that.

Partners need to know how they can help one another. Often, things like anxiety make things look different than they really are in reality. We just need to be able to identify those things, and engage our partner to help.

Prayer: Lord, give us the patience to clearly communicate and hear one another, Amen

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt                                          Abraham Lincoln

But even so their evidence conflicted. So, the High Priest himself got up and took the center of the floor. “Have you no answer to make?” he asked Jesus. “What about all this evidence against you?” But Jesus remained silent and offered no reply.                                                       Mark 14:59-61

The value of silence. I have written a number of times about Job, and that when Job had all his troubles, his friends came and just sat with him without saying a word. Job felt their presence and he was comforted, even though they didn’t speak.

Jesus, standing before his wild-eyed accusers, who were making up vicious and untrue stories about him at the time of his crucifixion, was silent. In so doing, he gained power. They became desperate, angrier- and louder. There is an old saying that some attorneys have- When you have the facts, pound the facts. When you have no facts, pound the table! Somehow, we believe that if we just get louder, we can be heard better. The truth? The softer we speak, and the less we speak, the more people listen.

I am reminded of Jesus being silent before his accusers. We recall the dignity and character of Jesus as he was falsely accused. He knew who he was, and he knew the truth. That is what mattered to him.

So, as we engage others in disputes or disagreements, the discipline of silence and soft words has high value.

People can often hear our words better when they are unspoken.

Prayer: Lord, give us discernment about how and when to speak, Amen

Verb: (used without object)

to feel, show, or express grief, sorrow, or regret.

to mourn deeply.

Noun:

an expression of grief or sorrow.

a formal expression of sorrow or mourning, especially in verse or song; an elegy or dirge.                                                                                                       

(Dictionary.com)

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge                                 Psalm 62:8

There are situations in our personal life, and in world events where the only response we have is “lament”. This word is either a noun or a verb, depending on the usage and intent. We can actively lament something e.g., mourning, or have deep regret, for example. We can also be in a “state of lament” and perhaps in that state, express it, as the definition suggests, in a formal way.

Either way, it is important to become aware of this lament and own it. As I have stated before, some emotions come out in ways that are not good indicators of the true feelings inside. For example, fear may come out looking like anger. Sadness may come out as sullenness or withdrawal, and so on.

There are numerous instances in the Bible where people like David, and Jeremiah, Amos, and many others described their state of lament. They cried out to God for various situations wherein they saw themselves as helpless, and in the pain of mourning or deep sadness.

Getting in touch with our state of lament is healthy and important. Often, world situations such as the horrific invasion of Ukraine, mass shootings, dire poverty, and natural disasters cry out for lament. Personal tragedies such as a devastating illness also can bring us to a state of lament.

Lament does not necessarily mean “helpless”, but it is a recognition of the current suffering we face. That recognition may help us to share it with others, and get the help and support we need at the time.

So, we come to realize that lament is part of life, and that we are not alone in it.

Prayer: Lord, you have designed a crucial plan where you are our refuge in times of trouble, Amen

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.                                                                   Psalm 121:1-2

The Psalm verse referenced above reminds us to “look up” to where our help comes from. I don’t know about you, but when I am faced with a task, or a problem, I tend to literally and figuratively look ahead. This implies that I need to “plow ahead”- you know, just put your head down and plow forward.

The metaphor comes, I suppose, from the rugged and numbing work of plowing a field, especially when the work implements were just a hand plow and an ox. That was hard work, and the instructions were to keep your head down and keep plowing. I have inculcated that into much of what I do, as have many in my generation, and the generations before me.

Keep your head down and plow ahead!

However, there is value in recognizing that our real help comes from looking up. Churches, especially in the Middle Ages and Renaissance, were built to bring our eyes up- clear up to the amazing ceilings and vaults high above our heads. The magnificent structures that took decades, even centuries in some cases to build, were monuments to the glory of a God who was above.

So, lifting up our eyes to the One who can give us the help we need, especially when our own efforts are insufficient, is a pretty good idea.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be looking up to you and not just trying to face things alone in our own efforts, Amen

The generous will themselves be blessed,
    for they share their food with the poor.                                                         Proverbs 22:9

Jesus said that he came to fulfill the law, not to destroy it. His words to his followers reinforced the essential doctrines of the need to care for our fellow man as set forth in the Old Testament. Time and again Jesus, and then his followers, set forth the need to display love for others, especially those who are suffering, afflicted, and in need of the help of others to navigate a difficult world.

Professing faith is not the same as practicing faith, as my friend Mike Slaughter would say. James, in his New Testament letter, warned that faith that does not produce good visible effects, is not the kind of faith that is effective. Indeed, what the world needs to see from Christians is faith in action- faith that shows love and compassion for a broken world.

THAT faith saves, and demonstrates the heart of God.

Prayer: Lord, help us to truly put into practice what we profess, Amen

 He called, “Any fish, boys?”

“No,” we replied.

 Then he said, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you’ll get plenty of them!” So we did, and couldn’t draw in the net because of the weight of the fish, there were so many!

John 21:5-7

I was talking with a friend the other day about grace. Specifically, we talked about grace that is invisible to us until we are enabled to see it. I suggested that the key to have the lens to see such grace is humility.

We were talking about the incident when Jesus told Peter, (after Peter and others had spent a whole night of fruitless fishing), to cast his net on the other side of the boat. Peter, a fisherman by profession, must have been taken aback when this itinerant preacher and part-time carpenter, gave him fishing advice.

Peter did as Jesus suggested, and he came up with the biggest haul of his life. He received the grace of a bounty of fish that had heretofore been hidden from him. Peter’s decision to accede to the directions of a non-fisherman took some humility. This came from Peter’s trust of Jesus, as well as perhaps a sense of “Well, I’ve got nothing to lose” thinking. Who knows?

I do suggest that it took humility on Peter’s part to cast that net where Jesus said to. Humility is the mindset- “There are things people can teach me. I don’t have all the answers.”

Teachable people are humble people. They are successful ones too.

Prayer: Thank you for the hidden graces that await us as we trust in you, Amen.

Since you have been chosen by God who has given you this new kind of life, and because of his deep love and concern for you, you should practice tenderhearted mercy and kindness to others.

Colossians 3:12 (Living Bible)

In the past, I have written about how God has chosen to limit himself when he created human beings. He chose to give us the free will to accept him and his grace, or we can reject that grace and proceed along doing whatever we want in life. That freedom is an amazing gift, but it also comes with responsibilities. There are consequences for the choices that we make.

At the same time, we can limit God. We can opt out of the power given to us to have great impact in the world. We do this by not recognizing or accepting that we are made in His image, and that we have his Spirit as an advocate and guide for us. We can limit him by not trusting that he loves us like he says that he does.

Often, I talk with people who say that they have a hard time believing that God cares about them or that he loves them. They feel that God is distant, or that they are unworthy of his love. We all can understand that. As we see our own fallen nature, we feel unworthy of the love of the perfect God. Yet, God’s love for us is not dependent upon our feelings. His promise stands whether or not we feel loved. Indeed, many people feel unlovable for many reasons, such as early trauma, rejections, or guilt over how they have acted toward others.

As I say often, just because we feel something does not make it true. Faith is taking God at his word, whether or not we understand it. Grace is unmerited favor, so do not try to understand that concept with mere logic. Just accept the love God has for you. If we don’t, we have limited God’s best for us.

Prayer: Thank you for your amazing love for us! Amen

Though I am the least deserving of all God’s people, he graciously gave me the privilege of telling the Gentiles about the endless treasures available to them in Christ.                       Ephesians 3:8

This verse has always struck me. Paul a giant of the faith, one who had a deeply moving experience with God on the road to Damascus, calls himself “the least deserving” of all God’s people. Was this false humility? I don’t think so. Paul, who had also said that he had a “thorn in the flesh” from which he had not been delivered, was a man, I believe, deeply beset by a sense of shame.  

I am not a Bible scholar, and this is strictly an amateur opinion of mine. Paul was a man who lived a life deeply committed to Jesus, and was also deeply flawed. Sounds like a guy I would really like and could relate to.

Paul had persecuted Christians, and he had been present at the stoning of Stephen, an early martyr. Stephen’s last words were: “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.

If you are present, indeed complicit, in the murder of a person who is praying for your soul while you stand by assenting to that death, I have to believe that it leaves a deep impression. Was this really the moment that prepared Saul (before he became Paul) to see that those Christians were a different kind of people?

Maybe Paul, remembering those haunting words, saw himself, even after his redemption, as a man with scars. Maybe those scars were remnants of incomplete self-forgiveness. Who could blame him? Yes, he was forgiven by an amazing grace. Yet, he knew what he did. He knew that old Saul was still part of his story. 

I don’t know. This is complete speculation on my part. But I think there is something to it. We all know what we have done, better than anyone else ever can. Yes, we are forgiven, but maybe there is a part of us that always reminds ourselves of that past, however forgiven it might be.

My point? Don’t be too hard on yourself if you still harbor some lingering elements of self-unforgiveness. You are in good company. But remember also, that God is not the one remembering those faults. His plan is for us to have complete forgiveness, including forgiving ourselves.

 In the words of the old comic strip character Pogo- “we have met the enemy, and the enemy is us”

Prayer: Thank you for the truth that you have forgiven our sins “as far as the east is from the west”, Amen.