“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men”                              Luke 2:41-52

Prayer: Father, your plans are higher than our plans, your ways higher than ours. Thank you for the plan of sending Jesus to be with us, and to give his life for ours, Amen.   

 Just then his disciples returned and were surprised to find him talking with a woman. But no one asked, “What do you want?” or “Why are you talking with her?”

 Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people,“Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?”  They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

John 4:27-30

A favorite story of mine from the Bible is the story of the “Woman at the Well”. Here, Jesus encounters a woman who had been an outcast in her own village, and she ended up having a chance (inspired) meeting with Jesus at the well. You likely know the story. My favorite takeaway is that after Jesus spoke with her and she became aware that this was the awaited  Messiah, she hurried back to the village to share the news.

Remember now that she likely was not “Miss Popularity” in that village. After all, she came alone to the well at noon, which was not the cultural norm. She was alone for a reason I am guessing.  Yet here she is, telling people in her Samaritan village that this Jew that she met at the well is the Messiah.

And they listened to her.

So, here was a woman who was a bit of an outcast, telling her story with so much excitement and fervor that people were moved by her. While she did not likely see herself as worthy, and the villagers saw her as a five-time loser in the marriage department, Jesus saw her as an evangelist.

So, we need to define ourselves not by our own sometimes jaded opinion of ourselves, but we need to see ourselves through the eyes of Jesus.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see others as you see them, Amen

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens the wits of another.                                                                     Proverbs 27:17 (Names of God Bible)

I spoke with a client recently and she shared with me that sometimes when she looks in the mirror, she sees a woman who is not competent, not confident, and one wracked with doubt and guilt. She said, “I am just being honest with how I feel”.

I told her that I appreciated her candor and honesty. I reminded her, since I have known her  through counseling periodically over several years, that much of her guilt is actually her anxiety about her children. She wonders if she has done enough to prepare them to be launched into the world. I could honestly assure this client that she has been a great single mother, and if anything, tries to overprotect her kids.

I also told her that her honesty was a wonderful character trait, but that just being honest does not make those thoughts true. Yes, she is being honest about how she feels, and she has a right to her feelings. Yet that does not mean that what she feels is the truth. Sometimes we need the feedback of others to validate- or dispute- thinking that may be faulty.

We all have feelings, and they are valid for us, but we also need the courage and humility to bounce those feelings off trusted people who can speak truth into our lives.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be honest with ourselves, and also seek truth, Amen

All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn’t, and doesn’t, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it’s sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that’s the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.                           Romans 5:20-21 (The Message)

I had the opportunity recently to share a story that a client shared with me many years ago. This is a story of the need for self-forgiveness, and it is as true and needed today as it was back then. Here it is with the name, of course, a stand-in for the actual name…

Lisa came into my office one day and said that she needed to share her story. She had been a prostitute and addicted to drugs, and one day presented at an emergency room overdosed (she presumes). She barely remembered how she got to the ER, but she vividly remembered the vision she had.

She said that you hear of people who are dying say that they are drawn to a light, perhaps a bright light. She continued, “I was not drawn to any kind of light. In fact, I was falling quickly into a deep and scary dark pit. As I was falling, I heard a voice say to me, ‘If I sent my son to die for you to be forgiven, how dare you not forgive yourself!’

With that, she found herself hovering over her own body lying in the ER bed. Soon after, she was revived, and eventually recovered. However, she was so impacted by this vision that she committed that day to make a new life. She had been forgiven, and started to work on forgiving herself- the hardest task she had ever encountered.

She related this story, which I clearly remember to this day although she shared it with me maybe 25 years ago. Hers was a life of suffering and sin, washed clean by a God who loved her. He only asked her to forgive herself, because he already had.  

Self-forgiveness is hard, but it is essential if we want to live a life free of shame. God sent his son for that very reason, so it is our job to accept his grace and forgiveness, even if we do not understand it.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for grace, even if we do not understand it, help us not to reason it, but to accept it, Amen  

You will notice that the variety of bodies is stunning. Just as there are different kinds of seeds, there are different kinds of bodies—humans, animals, birds, fish—each unprecedented in its form. You get a hint at the diversity of resurrection glory by looking at the diversity of bodies not only on earth but in the skies—sun, moon, stars—all these varieties of beauty and brightness. And we’re only looking at pre-resurrection “seeds”—who can imagine what the resurrection “plants” will be like!                           I Corinthians 15:39-41 (The Message)

I know what you’re thinking. What in the world is up with a headline titled Bananas. Well, bananas illustrate an important biological fact. The bananas that you eat are likely Cavendish variety bananas. In fact, about 99% of all exported bananas are now the Cavendish variety. That was not the case 100 years ago when the Gros Michel (Big Mike) was the predominant variety of banana that hit the export market.

Why does that matter you say? Well, about 50 years ago or so, a fungal infection overcame the Gros Michel variety, and it was found that the Cavendish variety was able to withstand the fungal plague that has all but eliminated the Gros Michel variety. The good news for banana lovers is that the Cavendish variety seems to have immunity to that killer fungus.

Except, now maybe it doesn’t.

Here is where the point of the story emerges. The Cavendish variety has been bred so that it is actually reproduced by cloning itself. It is genetically so lacking in diversity that it has no resistance to menacing predators that might now come along. It is so inbred, that if that certain fungus attacks the Cavendish, we are out of bananas! Current research indicates that the nasty fungus that devastated the Gros Michel may now be able to attack the Cavendish variety also. Lack of diversity tends to doom life forms that are not diverse.

God’s plan for diversity is an insurance that there is a healthy response to diseases and predators that would overwhelm highly inbred life forms. That is just the way it works. We humans tried to get “pure stock” (the eugenics debacle of the late 19^th and early 20^th centuries), by naming some races inferior, or some people as “defective”.

God’s plan is for the marvel of diversity- accepting that differences in nature work for the good of preserving life.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the beauty of diversity in your creation. Help us to truly appreciate it, Amen

 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!                                                                                                                          Matthew 6:22-23

Interesting passage of the Bible which deals with the eyes. It discusses, I think, the importance, both physically and metaphorically, of how we use our eyes. In the earlier passage, Jesus had discussed the ways that we look at wealth. Is it our primary focus, or is our primary focus how we treat other people?

I just heard a podcast about the learning abilities of wolves and dogs. It seems that both wolves and dogs rely heavily on the eye contact of the trainer to learn. The experiment they did involved how well both wolves and dogs learned cues about how to find food. (The wolves won, by the way) The point again drove home the fact to me that eye contact is extremely important in human relationships. Holding good eye contact for communication is an important tool in learning solid communication. We read a tremendous amount into non-verbal communication, like eye contact, to determine warmth and the credibility of other people.

As a counselor, I really like to make as much eye contact as is comfortable with my clients. Virtual counseling can be a challenge in this new remote telecounseling environment, (but that is the subject for another day). I read a lot into eye contact. I look at when people give it, and when they withdraw it. We can tell if someone is “with us” by virtue of the eye contact and other non-verbal cues we get from them.

Jesus in this Matthew account, states that our eyes are the “lamp of the body”. What he meant was that, we read intent and virtue into how we meet other peoples’ eyes. The old saying “the eyes are the window into the soul” likely came from this Bible verse. Indeed, as humans, we rely on cues such as eye contact to validate what we hear. If there is a disconnect between what we hear, and the non-verbals that we see, like eye contact, we will likely rely upon the eye contact as the cue we believe.

I will have more to say on this subject in future blogs. In the meantime, consider how much you value eye contact to determine the sincerity of the person to whom you are talking. We humans require complex mechanisms to communicate, but then again, so do dogs and wolves.

It seems like eyes are indeed the “lamp of the body”.

Prayer: Father, give us eyes to see the important things in life, Amen.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.                                                 II Corinthians 3:17

I recently discussed with a client the idea of considering some changes in her holiday traditions. Her family situation is changing, and she was wondering out loud if she had the “permission” to make changes in these traditions because her mother had recently passed away, and she wanted to maintain these traditions for her mother’s sake.

As we discussed this, I suggested that the one standing in the way of giving permission for these changes was her, not her mother. I knew that she had been very close to her mother, and that her mother would just want the best for her daughter after she had passed. The client readily agreed to this and saw that, if she could shed the lingering sense of guilt that had been self-imposed, she could actually make a choice for herself in this situation.

The choice is absolutely under the control of my client, and I wanted her to see that she had the freedom of that choice. It was not her mother or anyone else who might judge her choice- it was her.  

Traditions and rituals are important to us. They are reassuring, especially in a time of uncertainty. We do have the choice to make new traditions also. Changing circumstances cause us to re-evaluate those choices that we have routinely made. Empty nest, the death of family members, etc. all cause us to re-think those time-honored rituals and traditions.

I am all about tradition- I am a guardian of traditions. Yet, changes happen, and we adjust to accommodate those changes. So, as we approach the holiday season, take a look at your family traditions. By all means, maintain important connections which those traditions celebrate, but be aware that changes are allowable- if you give yourself permission.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us to value family honoring traditions. Help us also to see our freedom in how we mark them, Amen

Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach;
    good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest.

 Words kill, words give life;
    they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.                                                                                                       Proverbs 18:20-21 (the Message)

In the past, I have talked about how people can speak into our lives things that we do not see- potentials that we would not have imagined without the input of others. There are instances that I spoke of regarding disciples like John and Simon Peter who lived up to, or into, the lives that Jesus saw for them.

Unfortunately, some people live below their God-given potentials because parents or others in positions of influence did not sow into them the belief that they could do things beyond which they could envision for themselves.

There was a study many years ago with teachers and first graders where students were tested to see the academic abilities they had in preparation for first grade. In one case, the gifted students were placed in a room with a teacher who was told that the students were average to below average students. In another room, less gifted children were placed with teachers who were told that these were gifted children.

In both cases, the children tended to live up to (or down to) the expectations placed upon them. Children who were not gifted, but treated as if they were, tended to outperform their expected outcomes.

I think that people often, for various reasons, perform better than they think they can because someone believes in them. We often hear of students who say that a particular teacher motivated them to do better than they ever had- academically and socially- because of the confidence placed in them, perhaps for the first time, by a caring adult.

I think it is our opportunity, indeed our responsibility, to build up others, not artificially, but genuinely. If may be as simple as an encouraging word, or following through with helping someone be accountable for what they say they are going to do. We have the power to unlock potential in others by simply being an encouragement to them and believing in them, even when people may not be confident in themselves.    

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the gift of encouragement. It is health to the soul, Amen

“This is God’s Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as God: ‘Call to me and I will answer you. I’ll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.’                                                                                                                                          Jeremiah 33:2-3 (The Message)

So, that is what God said to the prophet Jeremiah. We can’t even begin to understand the marvels of creation.  Every day it seems we learn more about how incredible the human body is designed. Intricacies of animals and insects can scarcely be understood, even by brilliant scientific minds. 

While I was listening to a podcast the other day on my walk (yes, you know I am a podcast addict), I was fascinated by a discussion of the chemical make-up of wasp venom. Yes, I am also a nerd- I like that stuff. At any rate, the podcast host was explaining how there are certain complex enzymes and proteins in the wasp venom that make it incredibly effective. Such detail in the design of a wasp!

We take so much for granted in our creation. Indeed, we get preoccupied with so much noise of bad news around us that we fail to breathe in the wonder of creation and appreciate the most common things in life.

I often tell my clients that the first thing we need to take control of in situations where we feel no control is our breathing. We can take voluntary control of an involuntary function. It helps us to slow down and regain our cognitive control when emotions carry us to an anxious place.

The very act of inhalation and expiration is a complex chemical reaction of enormous proportion. Maybe when we take control of that breathing, we can also be thankful just for the opportunity to do it.

Sometimes I marvel at the innocence of lower life forms who are not sentient and are unaware of their own existence or significance. Maybe, in our own way, we are sometimes just as clueless.

I think that there are marvelous and wondrous things we will never figure out on our own…

Prayer: Thank you Lord for this amazing life you have given to us. We are truly fearfully and wonderfully made, Amen.

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well                                                                                                                                                    Psalm 139:14

I had a discussion the other day with a client about self-worth. This client had struggled for much of his life with pleasing other people to get their approval. He had gotten the message early in life that the approval of others was the key to feeling good about himself. His worth was being determined by the reactions and behaviors of those outside himself.

As we discussed this further, I assured him that this is something common to all. Everyone wants affection and approval to some degree, especially from those people important to us. However, we need to cling to the truth that our worth is not determined by that approval of others. We have inherent worth and unwavering love from our Creator. Yes, the affection we receive from others is critically important to our emotional health, but while it is necessary, it is not sufficient to sustain us.

Healthy self-love is critical so that we can accept ourselves- our strengths, weaknesses, faults and quirks; our accomplishments, failures- the whole package that makes us. We need to remember that ultimately, we need that self-acceptance to maintain our emotional health.

We need the truth and reminder that we are made in God’s image, loved by him, and never rejected.  

Prayer: Lord, you have made us in your image, loved and accepted by you. Help us to truly appreciate this gift, Amen