How We Respond

Yesterday, December 7, 1941 a date which will live in infamy, the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.                                                     Franklin Roosevelt

 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.                                  Philippians 2:3-4

As I write this, we are approaching December 7th.  Franklin Roosevelt predicted that this day would live in infamy. Almost 80 year later, it still does. It has become one of those days that we hold in collective memory as a nation. It was a rallying cry for a nation in mourning and anger. President Roosevelt was able to mobilize the collective emotions of a reeling nation into action.

Unfortunately, the COVID-19 crisis does not have a specific date nor even a specific culprit to mobilize against. It is an invisible virus that has attacked our nation, and the entire world. Still, we need to mobilize against it. We need selfless decisions and sacrifice in order to defeat the invisible enemy. So far, we have come up short in this regard. Mask wearing has become a matter of “personal preference” to the point that such preference has potentially endangered other people.

Yes, we as Americans cherish our liberty, but liberty is not license. When sacrifice for the sake of others becomes a bit uncomfortable, we have a decision to make. Yes, we do have the freedom to make personal decisions about wearing masks, gathering with those outside our “safe circle”, and how we social distance. Yes, these are sacrificial decisions. However, aren’t those decisions worth the cost?  

We have faced many times in our history where we have been called upon to make sacrifices for the common good. Are we up to it in this instance?

I pray that we are.

Prayer: Lord, you have called us to take into account the needs of others, and not just our own needs and desires. Help us to follow the loving path, Amen.

Joseph Shepherd

Chapter 4
Captain Braden seemed to be resting comfortably as I approached his bed
in the infirmary. His neck seemed to be less swollen, and the purple patches on
his body seemed to be smaller and less colorful. He looked even older than his
years, and he was now near his sixties. Until this voyage he had kept his age
well. Now his stubbled gray beard just made him look even more feeble. I spoke
to the Captain, and he stirred somewhat upon hearing my voice.
“Captain Braden,” I called, “can I get you some water?”
“Dr. Greene,” he said, “what medicine did you give to me?”
“I gave you no medicine,” I replied. Captain Braden looked at me
quizzically.
“Well, it must have been a dream,” he said. “I was floating on a large,
beautiful ship, heading west toward a spectacular sunset. I could feel no more
pain. In fact, I seemed to be as healthy as a child. I felt a tremendous sensation
of warmth as we neared the horizon, but the sun did not set. The sun kept getting
brighter and larger, becoming more brilliant. I was about to give the order to
keep heading toward the sun to see what would happen when I heard someone
give the order to turn about away from the sun. I tried to countermand the order,
but I was unable to speak. I must have fallen asleep at that point, but I was filled
with a feeling of warmth and peace like I have never felt. I did not awaken until
I heard your voice.”
I believed that the Captain had simply been in a fever-induced delirium,
and I was glad to hear that he seemed to be calm and peaceful. Death by plague
is an awful thing, and I felt that God must have given him this dream to calm
him before such a horrible death. I then noticed that Captain Braden seemed
cooler to the touch, and that his eyes appeared to be clearer. His breathing, while
somewhat shallow, was steady and not really labored. In fact, I felt that he did
not look like a man dying of the plague.
“Get some rest now captain,” I advised. “You will have a ship to
command in a few days.”
Captain Braden replied, “Thank you for saving me, Dr. Greene.
Whatever medicine you gave me saved me.”
I smiled at the Captain and walked away. He was convinced that I had
saved his life. Indeed, his life may have been saved, but not by my efforts.
I went to report the news of the Captain’s turn for the better to Mr. North.
North met me as I hastened on deck to tell him about the Captain.


“Dr. Greene,” he began, “can you tell me what happened to Mr. Kelley?
The men tell me that some very strange things happened while they were with
you and Shepherd.”
“Yes, I think that would be true to say,” I replied. “I cannot explain all
that happened during that surgery, but Mr. Kelley has benefited from the new
techniques I saw demonstrated by Joseph Shepherd.”
North flashed a look of anger as he asked, “Why does the ship’s surgeon
allow some stranger to assist in the surgery of a seaman on my ship?”
There was no mistaking his emphasis on the words “my ship.” The
Intrepid now apparently belonged to Mr. North.
“Mr. North” I said, rising to his anger, “may I remind you that surgery
on this ship is under my command. I have no need to answer to you about how
medical procedures are carried out on this ship!”
My bluster seemed to have taken North by surprise. He was not used to
having someone under his command talk to him in such a manner. Indeed, I
would not have done so had I not really believed that people like North must not
be given the idea that they can dominate others by such intimidation. Mr. North
had no business in medical affairs, and he needed to be so reminded. I believed
at the same time that he would find a way to destroy me if he could. I was now
entering dangerous ground. Further, I began to see that he would not welcome
the news of the recovery of Captain Braden. North was convinced that the
Intrepid was his ship, and the crew, after a victory, his also. God save us from
those who would rather command than lead.
I left the top deck and went below to my quarters somewhat shaken from
my encounter with Mr. North. As I was lost in my thoughts, Joseph Shepherd
approached me.
“Dr. Greene” he said softly, “may I speak to you about Captain Braden?”
“Why, yes indeed,” I said, “in fact, I meant to ask you about him. He
appears to be improving. Can that be true?”
Shepherd looked at me and nodded.
“Yes,” he replied, “not only can it be true, I believe it is true. Captain
Braden is recovering. And he has the plague; I am convinced of it,” he continued.
I had to sit down as I began to think about this latest turn of events. I had
heard of people recovering from the plague, but I had never seen it before. I was
again seeing a medical cure that I had not experienced before. Why was this
happening? How was this happening?
“Mr. Shepherd,” I said, “you have been a part of some amazing things
aboard this ship in the past day. How do you explain it?”
Shepherd paused briefly and then replied, “There are many things that
we do not know about healing and the human body. I have seen many things
which have puzzled me over the years, and I have come to understand that I will
never know the answers. I have also come to see that the body can heal itself if
given the chance. As physicians, we are only able to help the body to heal itself.”

Shepherd paused again and said, “I myself have been a witness to the fact that
the body heals itself. I had all the symptoms of the plague, and I was near death
at one time. I recovered, perhaps only by the grace of God, but I recovered.”
“Is that why you were cast aside from your last ship?” I asked.
“Well, I do not know that, Dr. Greene,” he said. “Perhaps,” he mused.
“Those memories are still a little hazy.”
“I did not mean to pry,” I apologized, “it just might explain some
things.”
No one else on board the Intrepid knew of the diagnosis of Captain
Braden’s plague except Shepherd and myself. Should he recover and be able to
assume command of the Intrepid again, this whole amazing voyage could be
concluded favorably. But I had not fully understood the depth of Mr. North’s
frenzy to command the Intrepid.
Mr. North bounded into my quarters and demanded to discuss the
medical condition of Captain Braden.
“I am told,” North said, “that Captain Braden is dying of the plague. Is
that true?”
“No,” I replied, “Captain Braden is not dying of the plague.”
“Don’t lie to me, Dr. Greene,” North said, “I have been told that there
were purple marks on him. He has the plague, and I will not have my whole ship
die for one man, even if he is a Captain!
“He is not dying,” interrupted Shepherd.
“Throw him in irons!” said North. “I will have no more of this stranger’s
interference. All of our problems began with his appearance on this ship.”
I stepped forward to defend Mr. Shepherd, but I was met by Mr. Kent
and Mr. Dooley, who restrained me and gagged me. While Kent was a man of
somewhat low intelligence, and low moral character as well, Dooley was a bit
brighter, but strange in his thinking and actions. Dooley was one who the other
sailors avoided. He believed himself to be special, gifted, and above the other
sailors. Many of the sailors had told me that Dooley would talk to himself,
grimace angrily for no reason, and threaten to kill anyone who looked directly at
his face. Fortunately, most of the crew happily avoided looking into the
contorted grimace of Mr. Dooley.
Shepherd was also attacked and thrown to the ground. He was
immediately shackled and led away. This entire sordid event was planned by
North and several crewmen who had now become thugs and brigands. The ship
was being overcome with a very ugly mutiny led by Mr. North and a few of his
closest commanders, and it appeared that no one could stem the tide. Mr. North
was now “Captain” North, and I feared that Captain Braden would be killed in
the process of the mutiny – all in the name of saving the ship.
North was now working quickly. He ordered Mr. Kent and Mr. Pratt to
take Captain Braden and set him adrift in a small boat with enough provisions
for three days. He reasoned that the Captain would be dead in that period of time,

but North would not be directly responsible for his death. The plague would do
its ugly work out of the sight of the Intrepid’s crew, and Mr. North could be the
savior of the crew if the plague did not spread to the rest of the ship.
Pratt and Kent picked up Captain Braden who, though weak, was
becoming more alert. North had ordered them to lift him into the same small
boat that had been the rescue vessel of Joseph Shepherd. When Captain Braden
realized that he was to be set adrift, he saw it as the act of mutiny it was. North
had cautioned Pratt and Kent to do their deed quickly and quietly so as to not
frighten the rest of the crew. He had explained that such a rumor would cause a
riot. The sooner Braden was adrift, the better. There would be no debating or
arguing over the order; it would simply be accomplished, his reason being the
very safety of his men.
The rest of the Intrepid’s crew was starting to realize that Mr. North was
now in total command of the ship. Pratt and Kent had managed to load poor
Captain Braden into the small craft that had served to save Joseph Shepherd.
That same little boat would now be the last command of Captain Braden.
Mr. North gathered the crew of the Intrepid and informed them of the
events of the past day. He proceeded to remind them of their glorious victory
over the pirate vessel, and he told them of the mutinous behavior of the ship’s
surgeon and the newly arrived “Jonah,” Joseph Shepherd. He told the crew of
the strange behavior of Dr. Greene, who had allowed the stranger, Joseph
Shepherd, to assist in the surgery of Seaman Kelley. North added that but for the
intervention of himself, Seaman Kelley might not be alive today. Finally, he
sadly told the tale of poor Captain Braden, who had indeed come down with the
plague. He added that, because of the quick response of their new Captain, and
the unselfishness of Captain Braden, who had given his last order to have himself
set adrift to protect the crew of the Intrepid, the ship was now safe and on its
way back to England.
The crew let out a thunderous cheer for “Captain” North. Mr. Shepherd
and I were now companions in the brig, bound and gagged, and awaiting transfer
to England where we would undoubtedly be hanged as mutineers. While I was
pondering the unfairness of my plight, Shepherd appeared to be calm. I started
to feel ashamed of my own self-pity when I began to consider what Shepherd
had gone through in the space of the past several days. He had been set adrift
himself, suffering from exposure and various wounds. He had been instrumental
in ministering to Captain Braden and Seaman Kelley, and found himself labeled
as a “Jonah,” awaiting his death in England. He had done no wrong on this ship,
yet he was awaiting a criminal’s death. Shepherd had said that he believed in
God, but no God I could think of would allow such suffering for having only
done good.
The next few days were very uncomfortable. We were allowed to have
the gags removed only to eat. Two seamen were assigned to feed us and to
accompany us to toilet. We were strictly forbidden to talk. When we did speak

we were cuffed in the mouth with the back of a rough seaman’s hand. We were
told that the next infraction would end in a flogging.
The brig was damp and dark, and we lost track of time. I was cramping
due to the rough confinement of the shackles, and I found myself hearing and
seeing things which were both frightening and beautiful. I was near complete
breakdown within the first three days of this confinement. If Shepherd were
experiencing the same things as I, one could not tell it. He appeared to be lost in
thought much of the time, but his eyes were not as frantic and full of fear as mine
must have been. His calm demeanor amazed me.
It must have been about the fourth day of confinement that Mr. Kent
came to see us. “Greene,” he barked roughly, “I am going to take that gag out of
your mouth and I am going to take your shackles off. If you say one word that I
don’t like, or Captain North don’t like, I’ll have you flogged.”
I nodded that I understood and he began to loosen the shackles and he
removed the gag.
“Why are you setting me free?” I asked.
“You ain’t free. You’re still a prisoner who started a mutiny. I’m taking
you to see Captain North, and you better keep that tongue of yours respectful to
him!”
My heart raced as I was taken to see North. He held my life in his evil
hands, and he could easily find a reason to have me set adrift or hanged, just as
he had treated Captain Braden. He had no reason that I could see to keep me
alive, especially since he knew that I knew the truth.
“Dr. Greene,” North began, “sit down over here.” He beckoned for me
to sit next to him. “Dr. Greene, you were treating Captain Braden for the plague
– I know that. You lied to me when you said he was not dying of the plague,
didn’t you?”
“No, Mr. North, I…”
“Captain North,” he interrupted. “I am Captain of His Majesty’s Ship
Intrepid.”
“No, Mr. North,” I said, “I was not lying to you. Yes, Captain Braden
had the plague, but he was not dying. He was starting to recover when you had
him set adrift.”
“How do you know that?” he asked sharply. “He looked very sick to me
– like I’ve seen men before, ready to die of the plague.”
I was now again getting angry at the insolence of this pompous windbag.
I began to get flushed, and I tried to calm the rage that had been building the past
few days.
“Mr. North, I can tell, too, when a man is about to die. I have seen more
dying men than you have, and Captain Braden was going to live until you set
him out to die!”

North did not respond as I thought he might. I figured that he might have
me flogged for my own insolence, but he softened as I finished my accusation
of him.
“Dr. Greene,” he said, “I have two men who are sick, and I think that
they have the plague. That is why I called you up here. I need you to examine
them and see if it is the plague.”
I sank in my chair. Mr. Shepherd and I had feared that this might happen,
hoping against hope that Captain Braden’s case was isolated.
“Yes,” I responded, “of course I will examine them. But I will only do
so if you also free Mr. Shepherd.”
I could hardly believe that I had said such a thing. I was duty-bound to
treat those seamen whether or not Mr. Shepherd were freed, yet I somehow made
that a bargaining point to North. Perhaps when in the presence of evil, I
responded in kind. Perhaps I was still not thinking clearly after my days of
confinement.
North looked at me and said calmly, “Can he be of help to you?”
“Yes,” I said, “he is a physician of the first order. I have already learned
from him.”
“Then he will be allowed to assist you,” North said. “But if you begin to
say anything that could incite a mutiny, I’ll throw you overboard myself.”
North said this almost matter-of-factly, with little discernible anger. He
seemed to be shaken by the idea of plague on his ship, and all he wanted was
medical help. He seemed to acknowledge the risk of having Shepherd and me
about on the ship and in contact with the crew, but he also made it clear that he
would have us killed if he felt it necessary.

St. Nicholas Day

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”                                  Luke 11:11-13

Tomorrow is December 6th.  That may not mean much to you unless it is your birthday or anniversary, or some other specific occasion. For those of us from a certain generation and certain religious/cultural background however, it is kind of a big day.  You see, December 6th is the feast of St. Nicholas- St. Nicholas Day.

Of course, “Old St. Nick” is the precursor of Santa Claus. This venerable tradition was very much a part of my childhood in a western suburb of Cincinnati, which was heavily German-Catholic. We would put shoes out for St. Nicholas to visit and he would put a little present into the shoe. That was the tradition, but as I recall, St. Nicholas found a way to get a little present to us on the porch whether or not we put out a shoe.

I have encouraged my kids to celebrate this tradition with their own children, and they have faithfully done this. The point of this is not presents, just like the traditions of Christmas are not about gifts. It is a reminder that those who love others us want to find opportunities to give gifts to them. Just like our heavenly father wants to give us good gifts.

So, if you want to make this Christmas season a little special just a little early, have St. Nicholas visit your family, or maybe some other family with a little porch gift.

It is a beautiful tradition.

Prayer: Thank you for the plan of giving good gifts to your children, Amen

Bread of Life

Jesus said, “I am the Bread of Life. The person who aligns with me hungers no more and thirsts no more, ever. I have told you this explicitly because even though you have seen me in action, you don’t really believe me. Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go. I came down from heaven not to follow my own whim but to accomplish the will of the One who sent me.                                                                                                                      John 6:35 (The Message)

When Jesus taught, he used analogies that people could relate to. We can relate to food, right? Especially as we enter into the dark days of winter, out bodies crave carbohydrates. Those carbs are “comfort foods” and they come by that name honestly. They give us comfort. Carbs make us feel good.

Carbohydrates are precursors to serotonin, that neurochemical we crave in order to feel an upgraded mood. As we perceive less light, the brain gets the signal to find more serotonin. An easy way to do that, to get more serotonin with diminishing light available (here in the northern hemisphere), is to get it with food. Therefore, we bring on the carbs!

Bread, sugar, alcohol, etc. are those things that give our brain that satisfied feeling of comfort. They are dished out in increasing amounts as we enter the darker winter time. So, it is no surprise that we get a glut of those foods around this time of year.

Especially as we deal with all the stress of this year, we may indulge more in that rush of carbs. Obviously, restraint should be in order, but we may fail a bit, and I think we can understand that, maybe more this year than ever.

A couple of thoughts come to mind. One, if you are going to eat more carbs, try to balance with more exercise. You can never exercise yourself to weight loss, but you can mitigate those self-indulgent forays of the season just a bit with more exercise. Besides, the exercise itself is a serotonin engine, so get after the exercise!

Next, remember that the season is about the Bread of Life that Jesus discussed in the passage above. He is the real comfort we seek through all the other pathways that are temporary. A relationship with the true Bread of Life is completely satisfying.

Prayer: Father, help us to remember that Jesus is the bread of life that satisfies, Amen.

Diagnosis Du Jour

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
    a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
    and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
    I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
    not as they pretend to be.”                                                                                                                                                        Jeremiah 17:9-10 (The Message)

I know early on as a young counselor, when I had many fewer “tools” than I now posses, that I needed to learn a lot. You really do finally learn some things after 45 years of practice. There is an old saying which can be applied in so many situations. “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail”.

To people young in a profession, like new counselors, we learn certain tools and techniques, and we want to apply them. Perhaps unconsciously, we anticipate things that perhaps look like a good opportunity to try out those new tools, so we may start to see things through the lens of a particular diagnosis.  

I have found over the years that there have been certain trends of “hot” diagnoses. For example, as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual periodically changes to stay current, diagnoses change or are added. I started my career when the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM for short) was the DSM- II. We are now on DSM-5. The change from Roman numerals to cardinal numbers, does NOT reflect that in my early years we still counted in Roman numerals! They changed the numbering system for several reasons.  

Early in my career, the Vietnam war had just concluded, and we began to diagnose a large number of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) diagnoses. PTSD was added in DSM-III in 1980 when there was a surge in Vietnam era veterans seeking help for the trauma they experienced.

As the years went by, other diagnoses became popular. Attention Deficit Disorder became very popular in the early 1980’s and ADHD later came along and gained much traction in the popular culture.

Later still, we saw the dramatic rise of Bipolar Disorder, formerly known as Manic-Depressive Psychosis. The DSM in those days indicated that the prevalence in the population of Bipolar Disorder was around 1.5% of the population. Yet we saw an inordinate number of diagnoses of Bipolar Disorder, and the popular culture seemed to adopt this diagnosis for every mood swing that happened in the life of people around them.

These days, there seems to be a great deal of attention paid to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Yes, it is a thing, however, the prevalence of the disorder is well under 2% of the population.  Indeed, we all have some narcissistic traits, because we are flawed humans whose first thought is self. However, we need to be careful when tossing out diagnostic determinations when someone exhibits selfish behavior.

The popularity of these diagnoses come and go. We just need to be careful to not get caught up in a wave of popular explanations for flawed human behavior.

 After all, every one of us fits into DSM-5 diagnosis somewhere.

Prayer: Lord, we are flawed and broken, yet you love us right where we are. We are thankful for that! Amen

On the Other Hand…

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.                                                                                                                            Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

Charitable giving rebounded in the second quarter of 2020, boosting total giving in the first six months of the year by nearly 7.5 percent on a year-over-year basis

-Association of Fundraising Professionals

I am writing this blog on “Giving Tuesday”. This day is designated as a time to consider, and donate to, the great non-profit organizations which serve to help those people who have been left behind in our economy; or those who suffer from terrible health problems; or those who have experienced tragic loss in natural disasters; or to help educate people otherwise unable to afford it; or maybe to help those who are simply in need of comfort and support that they can find nowhere else.

In a year when Americans can agree on seemingly very little, we do seem to agree on one thing- we care for people who need help.  In 2019, Americans gave over $427 billion dollars in charitable donations. We are on pace, in the very challenging year 2020 to give more than that impressive figure.

In this year when there was incredible political turmoil, a health crisis, and racial unrest, there remains that spark of what makes America a great country. The very things that make us great are the things that can tear us apart.

This is the basic tenet of strength-based theories of counseling. As counselors, our job is to find and help develop the strengths that clients bring to us. Frequently, people do not see, or discount, the wonderful strengths that they possess.

I see this principle in our country as a whole. The very differences that can divide us could just as easily be diversities that we could celebrate. It does appear that despite our differences, we do unite to help others in significant ways.

When I get discouraged about the tone of conversation that seems to pervade our national discourse, I think about the beautiful spirit of giving that exists in the same people who can get so upset with one another.

So, I think the Bible verse that I chose for today (I like the old King James version of this) is an apt one. Let’s not forget it.  

Prayer: We are so very different, but we share so much in common. Your creation is so complex and it is to be celebrated! Amen

‘Tis the Season

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace                                                                                                                                                                   Isaiah 9:6 (KJV)

I write this blog on the first Sunday of Advent. Thanksgiving is recently passed, and the Christmas season is fully upon us. I love the season. It is the celebration of the great gift of Jesus coming into a broken world to offer hope and salvation. It has long since become a cultural holiday season that barely nods to Jesus. That being said, let us not discount the power of the Christmas season to a reeling culture.

We really need the Christmas season this year. We need a chance to celebrate. We need a chance to avoid bad news. We need the space to concentrate on something positive and uplifting. We need the comfort of Christmas music, greeting cards, expressions of goodwill, and traditions like trees and decorations. Indeed, I read that sales of live Christmas trees are booming this year. It also seems that I have seen more outdoor decorations this year than ever before.

Yes, I know that Christmas is supposed to be a holy occasion- and it certainly is- but I also think that all of the goodwill and love that Jesus represents is being expressed this time of year, even if some people are unaware of the real reason for the celebration.

I encourage people to consider the reason that we celebrate Christmas. I also believe that we need this space to find joy amidst pain, love amidst rancor, and smiles, even under the masks.

I trust that this is the start of a beautiful season for you. Use this time to refresh your soul and those around you. We all need it so.

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the gift of your son. His presence gives us hope and peace. Help us to share it well, Amen

Party Counseling Part II

To answer before listening—
    that is folly and shame                                                                                                                                       Proverbs 18:13

In yesterday’s blog, I talked about the idea of having the Republican Party and the Democrat Party in my office for counseling. I began with the idea that they both need to assume best motives of the other. Despite different viewpoints, they would agree that each party wants what is best for the United States.

From there, I would talk about good communication. That would include the patience and discipline to listen to what the other party said before making comment or criticism. This takes practice and discipline, but it is essential for safe, honest communication. I may well give them the Fair Fighting Rules (which I use for couples, and is included after the prayer at bottom) and ask them to post it on their desks to remind them of the Do’s and Don’ts of safe communication.

I might talk to them about the value of just hanging out together and having fun. Not every interaction should be intense and conflictual- they need to have some fun together. In order to do that, they need to spend some quality time together to get to know each other personally, not just professionally.

I would probably encourage them to find some humor wherever they can. This would include accepting and owning their own mistakes, and finding a way to laugh at them. There is nothing like being able to laugh at yourself, and in so doing, it helps others to laugh also.

Many, perhaps most in each party, may recognize that there is a spiritual solution to the problems that they cannot solve. Indeed, I would remind them that they cannot solve our country’s problems by virtue of their great skill or wisdom. Many problems must be submitted to their Higher Power, whom they would need to acknowledge, and humbly ask for help.

If both parties would agree to these simple suggestions (as our recovery brethren would say, they are “simple, but not easy”), our country would benefit. They might actually see that they are really on the same team- team USA.

Prayer: Lord, how often do we miss the most basic theme- that we can thrive when we work together, Amen.

Some Rules for Fair Fighting

Both parties need to be in agreement that they will abide by these rules long before any arguments/ disagreements take place.

                                                                 “DON’TS

  • No physical contact when in conflict – ever
  • No name calling- this can cause pain long after the discussion
  • No past sins or behaviors brought up- this discussion is conducted “in the present”
  • No loud voices which can intimidate the other party
  • No threats – such as “I’m getting a divorce!” or “if you do that, you’ll be sorry!”, etc.

“ DO’S”

  • Either party can call a timeout, and have a specific time to re-engage in mind. Time out MUST be respected. The boundary of time and space must be safe.
  • Stay on the current subject- don’t bring up side issues or “and you do this too!”
  • Speak the truth in love – our job is to speak the truth, not to convince someone of how right we are.
  • Allow the possibility of being wrong, or that you may not be seeing the whole picture
  • Become aware of your current feeling level (getting angry, frustrated, etc.) and own it- do not blame it on the other person. Your emotional response may be coming from something that is not currently part of the discussion but from possible past hurts, etc.
  • Try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and understand how they are seeing it. That does not mean that they are “right”, or even that you need to agree with it; just be willing to try to see the world the way that they see it. 

Counseling Republicans and Democrats

Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other’s counsel.

Proverbs 13:10 (The Message)

I just caught a snippet of this on the news the other day, and the idea intrigued me. That is, the idea of looking at the current rift in our political parties as an issue for a couples counseling. I had written several weeks ago about the sad state of “non-communication” across the aisle between Democrats and Republicans, so this idea piqued my interest. What if I had the two major political parties in my office for counseling?

I have had the occasion, over the years, to counsel couples in the most incredible points of stress imaginable. On more than one occasion, I have had the experience of having one member of a marriage stating that they planned to divorce the other- for the very first time ever spoken between them. Also, I have had the experience of having one member tell the other that they were having an affair- again, for the very first time. So, I am used to the raw pain and emotion that accompanies such disclosures.

In that light, I thought about what it might be like to have the Republican party and the Democratic party in my office for the purpose of reconciling a bad relationship. I mean, can you imagine that?

Safe, effective communication is the basis of reconciliation, so we need to start there. Indeed, the political parties rarely speak “to” one another- they speak “at” one another. The first task would be to have the parties actually communicate with one another in a civil and empathic manner. I do not think that is asking too much. I will be instructing them what that looks like so that they understand that what they are currently doing is not working.

In any relationship, I ask the partners to “assume best motives” of the other. What that means is that, even as they disagree, and they do, that they both have a mutual best interest in common. In this case, it is the best interest of the United States of America. If the parties can agree to that, we have a huge first step accomplished.

My readers may be on different ends of the political spectrum. Actually, I hope you are. I do not want to be part of an echo chamber where people simply hear what they want to hear reinforced by other like-minded people. What is the value of that?

So, I am going to leave this blog at that point. Let us all assume that each party believes, in its own heart, that it is doing its best for the country. We are assuming best motives. We may not agree with the particular viewpoint of the other party, but we assume that they each love our country as much as the other does, even if they are of different political persuasions.

Good with that? I pray that you are. If not, the next couple of counseling blogs are going to be difficult. In the next blogs, I will be going over some counseling techniques which may be of help to our suffering parties.

 I often tell clients that healing of large wounds is more supernatural than natural, and that without a spiritual approach, healing cannot happen. I will expand on that in coming blogs.

 Stay tuned.

Prayer: Lord, we know that you are the healer. Help us to submit to your plans for reconciliation, Amen.