“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.” Maya Angelou

Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, here’s what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; Snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you’re worth. God looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what he’s asked…                                                                                              I Peter 3:9-10 (The Message)

So today, let’s just have fun! I’m thinking about going back to favorite things that soothed us when we were kids. It is essential that we find ways to soothe ourselves when we experience stress. We learn this very early in life, and it is important that we learn to “self-soothe” as opposed to relying upon others give us that sense of peace and stress relief. Stress is ubiquitous, so it is important to learn the skill of finding a place, or an action, which gives us a sense of calm and security.

I was the youngest of four children, and I was the youngest by six years. Yes, I was the surprise at the end of the train for my parents- my dad was over forty, and my mom thirty-nine years old when I was born. So, I had a lot of time alone as my older siblings had friends, and school and other activities to occupy them while I was very young.  

I found that TV became a place of entertainment and companionship. Shows like “Uncle Al”, and cartoon shows like The Bugs Bunny Hour, The Flintstones, and family shows like Andy Griffith and the Beverly Hillbillies became sources of soothing for me. Later, thankfully, I found reading to be a great friend to me, and it still sustains me as a warm, soothing companion.

I find it interesting that some of the shows I loved as a kid have found an enduring place in the culture. Shows like Andy Griffith, Gilligan’s Island, The Flintstones, The Twilight Zone (and I could go on forever) are cultural icons which even young members of today’s society typically recognize readily.

My question to you is, what is it from the past that gives you that familiar soothing feeling? Think about that, and maybe share it with your kids (or grandkids). Maybe they will have a great laugh at your expense!

Prayer: Father, thank you for those little things that give us respite from stress, Amen.

So it is with faith: if it is alone and includes no actions, then it is dead. But someone will say, “One person has faith, another has actions.” My answer is, “Show me how anyone can have faith without actions. I will show you my faith by my actions.”                                                                                                     James 2:17-18 (Good News)

I have a love of science, and I am fascinated by physics and chemistry. However, I am a complete amateur at these subjects, and my fascination with them does not mean that I understand those topics well. In high school, I was just glad to pass Physics, the final exam in my senior year. I tossed the Physics book into the trash can as I was leaving the building, glad to be finished with that course! As I got older, I was drawn to the subject, and now I love to read about it- now that there is no grade attached!

I think that Physics principles are true in every area of life, including mental and emotional health. There is a certain beauty and truth about the idea in the law that states

 … the total energy of an isolated system is constant; energy can be transformed from one form to another, but can be neither created nor destroyed.

Isn’t that cool? The Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun, and indeed, that is true. Energy and matter can be transformed one into another, but we are not going to create energy. That has already been done. We are living off the sun’s energy, created long ago, in this “closed system” of our universe.

One of Newton’s Laws of Motion states-

…an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by a force

This law is true of human behavior as well. The principle of inertia says that unless I do something, add a force, supply some energy, I will stay at rest. Unless I make some decision to act, and then do it, I will stay at rest. In order to feel better, to lift my mood, I must add energy- act on my decisions. I must act to improve my mood and situation. It seems obvious, but how often do we wait for “some one” or “some thing” else to change so that we can feel better? Yeah, we all do that sometimes.

So, the principle is true in physics and human behavior. Do, then feel. It works, it’s a Law of Physics! J

Prayer: Thank you for the beauty and genius of creation. Your ways are indeed higher than ours, and I am amazed every day the exquisite plans of yours, Amen

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.                                                          John 1:5

Maybe it is no coincidence that we traditionally celebrate Christmas in the darkest (literally) time of the year. The Winter solstice occurs on December 21^st, and, of course, Christmas is celebrated on December 25^th. The Northern Hemisphere is having the shortest days of the year around that time. Perhaps symbolically we see that when we are at our darkest points, the light from above is sent to guide and encourage us. Many people in the world need that right now.

The people in Ukraine are suffering at the hands of evil. People in Gaza and Israel suffer long standing political violence. People in the United States are reeling from multiple mass shootings this past year. Violent, senseless, political rhetoric separates people.  

We need the light.

God in his mercy and wisdom did send Jesus, the Redeemer, to give us hope and a way to live. He sent his son into a dark world to show us that love can conquer the worst we have to offer- and we have a lot of “worst” to offer.

But take heart my friends. God does not leave us in that darkness without a remedy. This Christmas season, let’s remember that hope.

Prayer: Lord, we anticipate the renewal of Christmas as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, Amen

I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified                                                                                                            I Corinthians 9:27

I hear those statistics about how long it takes for some practices to become habits. You know, “continue to do this thing for three weeks and it becomes a habit”. I have no idea about that because we are all different. I do know that habits are not automatic. We have decisions everyday about how we are going to behave that day.

I do know that the discipline of exercise has now become a habit for me. That is, the thing I used to force myself to do became the thing that I miss if I do not do it. It started several years ago when I really realized that I was not in top physical condition. Yes, my health was good, thank God, but I was not in shape. I was overweight, and my stamina was not what it should have been.

So, I decided to practice the discipline of walking at least 30 minutes per day. That discipline grew as I heard that really, 10,000 steps per day was a goal that we ought to have. I do not know the science of that, if any, but the idea seems right. We Americans simply do not move enough. We are sedentary, and that, by any measure, is not healthy.

I bought a Fitbit, (then an Apple Watch), and I became addicted to those 10,000 steps/day. That was about 5 years ago. Now, if I don’t get at least 13,000 steps per day, I am not happy with myself. The point here is that the discipline that I started several years ago grew into a habit. Good disciplines make good habits.

All of the literature on depression indicates that physical exercise is equally effective as medication in mitigating mild to moderate depression. I always advise my clients to add exercise into their lives because it is good in every way for us, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Just to be clear, I am not advocating that people simply stop taking antidepressant medication- it is effective, and sometimes necessary in treatment of depression and anxiety. However, if my clients are physically able to exercise, I always make that part of the homework.

Keeping the promises that we make to ourselves is the basis of healthy self-esteem. I know that regular exercise for me is important, and I plan to continue. That discipline has become a healthy habit.

Prayer: Thank you father for the gift of our bodies- precious gifts that we must nurture and protect, Amen.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.                                                                                                                        James 1:17

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. We set aside this particular day to collectively show gratitude for the many blessings that have been bestowed upon our country. Of course, every day should be Thanksgiving Day given that we have so very much to be thankful for. Every good gift, our very life itself, is a gift from God the Creator.   

An “attitude of gratitude” as many people in the recovery community say, is the way to stay clean and sober. I would say that such an attitude is proper and even necessary for our well-being and success in life. No matter what we have, or what we have done, none of it is possible without the gracious hand of God who provides what we need.

So let us rededicate ourselves to that attitude of gratitude every day. In that way we can keep proper perspective, humility, and grace which are qualities that all of us need every single day.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for who you are and for what you provide, Amen.

Today is November 22. For those of us of a certain age, that date will forever be connected with the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. That day marked the end of an age of innocence, both for those in my generation as well as the United States in general. If you were old enough to have experienced that tragic event, you remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news. There are just a few certain events in life that burn such indelible memories into our brain.

Who knows what course the nation may have taken had Kennedy lived, and possibly won a second presidential term. Our course as a country would certainly be different. Perhaps the course of events of the world would be different as well. Would the Vietnam War have taken the same course? Would Richard Nixon have won in 1968? Would the distrust of government which has grown since the Warren Report, and then accelerated after the Nixon debacle, have gotten such traction?

All questions that will never be answered.

I do know that I had such a sense of sadness after November 22, 1963, that it helped to shape my adolescence. My generation got a shocking awakening at a vulnerable period in our life. I think it also gave rise to the turbulent 1960’s which changed the course and attitude of the nation.

I do not know how my readers around the world were affected by this event. They probably have their own signal events that were “game-changers” for them. I also believe that the assassination helped shape world events also, so in a sense, everyone felt the disruption of that tragic day.

So, as we remember that 59^th anniversary of the assassination, pause to consider how one event can literally change your world, and the world around you.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

As we enter Thanksgiving week, I thought it would be a good time to re-run this blog from last November. I hope it reaffirms our faith in the goodness of everyday kindness all around us…

The police officer who pays for groceries for a vagrant instead of arresting him. The minimum wage clerk at McDonalds who pays the bill for a customer who forgot her wallet. The first person in line at a Starbucks drive-thru who pays for the person’s order behind him, setting off a chain of events of people paying for the person behind them. The teacher who buys school supplies for her students who cannot afford them. The truck driver who stops to change a flat tire for a stranded motorist. The line of people at the blood bank giving life-saving plasma. The volunteers who go to California to help fight forest fires. The outpouring of support after a natural disaster.

Should I go on? Not enough room in the blog. These events happen EVERY DAY. There are actually too many instances of giving and sacrifice to be documented here. These events typically do not make headlines. Maybe because they are too commonplace and we take them for granted. Maybe they do not fit the narrative of sensationalism that our news cycle craves. Whatever the reason, we must not lose sight of this aspect of our human character.

It is important to celebrate these little daily exercises of goodwill and humanity. Take heart my dear readers, goodwill and kindness abound, it just gets shut out of the headlines. Keep up your silent and important everyday deeds that help your fellow traveler on this earth.

That is what we need to keep in mind to stay focused on what our country, indeed every country needs. These things are what makes America great. Let’s not let that knowledge slip into the background too far.

Prayer: Lord, you have created us to live in community and to bear one another’s burdens. Help us to remember that wonderful aspect of your creation, Amen

“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men”                              Luke 2:41-52

Prayer: Father, your plans are higher than our plans, your ways higher than ours. Thank you for the plan of sending Jesus to be with us, and to give his life for ours, Amen.   

 Just then his disciples returned and were surprised to find him talking with a woman. But no one asked, “What do you want?” or “Why are you talking with her?”

 Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people,“Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?”  They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

John 4:27-30

A favorite story of mine from the Bible is the story of the “Woman at the Well”. Here, Jesus encounters a woman who had been an outcast in her own village, and she ended up having a chance (inspired) meeting with Jesus at the well. You likely know the story. My favorite takeaway is that after Jesus spoke with her and she became aware that this was the awaited  Messiah, she hurried back to the village to share the news.

Remember now that she likely was not “Miss Popularity” in that village. After all, she came alone to the well at noon, which was not the cultural norm. She was alone for a reason I am guessing.  Yet here she is, telling people in her Samaritan village that this Jew that she met at the well is the Messiah.

And they listened to her.

So, here was a woman who was a bit of an outcast, telling her story with so much excitement and fervor that people were moved by her. While she did not likely see herself as worthy, and the villagers saw her as a five-time loser in the marriage department, Jesus saw her as an evangelist.

So, we need to define ourselves not by our own sometimes jaded opinion of ourselves, but we need to see ourselves through the eyes of Jesus.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see others as you see them, Amen

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens the wits of another.                                                                     Proverbs 27:17 (Names of God Bible)

I spoke with a client recently and she shared with me that sometimes when she looks in the mirror, she sees a woman who is not competent, not confident, and one wracked with doubt and guilt. She said, “I am just being honest with how I feel”.

I told her that I appreciated her candor and honesty. I reminded her, since I have known her  through counseling periodically over several years, that much of her guilt is actually her anxiety about her children. She wonders if she has done enough to prepare them to be launched into the world. I could honestly assure this client that she has been a great single mother, and if anything, tries to overprotect her kids.

I also told her that her honesty was a wonderful character trait, but that just being honest does not make those thoughts true. Yes, she is being honest about how she feels, and she has a right to her feelings. Yet that does not mean that what she feels is the truth. Sometimes we need the feedback of others to validate- or dispute- thinking that may be faulty.

We all have feelings, and they are valid for us, but we also need the courage and humility to bounce those feelings off trusted people who can speak truth into our lives.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be honest with ourselves, and also seek truth, Amen