Your attitude should be the kind that was shown us by Jesus Christ, who, though he was God, did not demand and cling to his rights as God, but laid aside his mighty power and glory, taking the disguise of a slave and becoming like men. And he humbled himself even further, going so far as actually to die a criminal’s death on a cross                                                                                                                               Philippians 2:5-8 (Living Bible)

A discussion with a friend the other day brought up the idea of limits regarding God. When God created us with the ability and freedom to make choices, he put some limits on himself. As an omnipotent God, he can do whatever he pleases to do. He could have created us in whatever way he chose. He could have made it that we could not ever choose evil or to never disobey him. He could have made us into compliant beings who could never reject him or his love.

But he didn’t.

God allows us to make choices, both good and bad- choices which affect us and others in his creation. He gives us the opportunity to love him as he has loved us, or to love ourselves more than him or anyone else. He has given us the gift of free will.

We love our freedom! At the same time, we rail against God and others when things do not fall in line with what we want. That “free will thing” cuts both ways.

God loves us enough to give us our freedom to choose, even if it is not his best plan for us. He wants what is best for us, but we often choose the path of quick relief and pleasure- a path that leads to short cuts and to addictions. Yes, anything that makes us feel good immediately has the potential to be addictive. God gives us the choice, and he wants us to choose the path of the long- haul disciplines, not short cuts to feel good.

So, God gives choices to us, and in doing so, he deliberately limits himself. Indeed, sending Jesus to earth was the ultimate example of limiting his omnipotence for affiliation with his creation.

What a loving concept.

Prayer: It is hard for us to understand the plan of limiting yourself for us. Thank you for showing us that kind of love, Amen

The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

II Timothy 4:18 (NIV)

The Golden Gate Bridge began construction in 1933, with an estimated cost of $35 million dollars. In those days, the estimate was that there would be one construction death per one million dollars spent. Therefore, planners assumed that about 35 men would accidentally die during construction of the bridge.

The builder and designer, Joseph Strauss, decided that this project would not cost the lives of 35 men. He decided to install a safety net underneath the bridge to catch any unfortunate construction worker who may fall. Not only was this a great humanitarian concept, it led to greater efficiency. Workers could now concentrate more on the job of welding, riveting, and all the other tasks of building a bridge. The project came in under budget and ahead of schedule. Eleven men did die during construction- ten in one unfortunate situation where an entire platform fell and the net could not hold that weight. Nineteen other men fell into the net and were saved. Overall, the net indeed saved many lives.

I used this analogy with a client the other day about God’s provision for us. He wants us to feel secure in his love because he has paid the price for our salvation. We don’t need to hang onto our relationship with him- He is holding us!

Prayer: Thank you for the plan to hold us, rather than our meager efforts to hang on to you, Amen.

Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning. Proverbs 9:9

Often when I am talking with clients, we are identifying some new behaviors which I suggest that they try out in order to deal with the concerns they brought to counseling. The problem might be depression, anxiety, relationship problems, social anxiety- whatever. As a believer in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), I think that behavior changes will change our mood and outlook on the world. As I have often said, it is “Do, then feel”.  

When I suggest some particular behavioral change, (and it usually a small, measurable change, nothing gigantic), I walk them through the process. I tell them that there is a learning process with new behaviors with stages that look like this:

Unconscious Incompetence– “I don’t know what I don’t know”

Conscious Incompetence– “I become aware that there is something amiss that I need to work on”

Conscious Competence– “I intentionally work on a new behavior, practicing it, even though it feels new and awkward sometimes”

Unconscious Competence-“Having practiced that new behavior, after a while, it starts to feel quite normal and comfortable.” “I begin to like the changes because they work”

The most uncomfortable stage, for many people is the Conscious Competence stage. They are doing things that they do not yet feel comfortable with, and it takes persistence and patience to keep intentionally doing those new behaviors.

In the stages where the word “Conscious” is involved, there is a place for discomfort. That is perfectly fine, because they are at the stage where they are in active working mode, and it does not feel totally comfortable.

Again, the “doing” part is going to bring on the good “feeling part”. The client is actively working a program which will lead to feeling better.  

This model works for learning most things. Sometimes it helps clients when I can lay out the theory. Hope it is helpful for my readers!

Prayer: Lord, you have made us curious learners. Give us the patience and endurance to move through the hard parts of learning, Amen

Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor. Owe no man anything, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.          Romans 13:7-8

“All gave some, some gave all…”

 Attributed to Korean War veteran Howard William Osterkamp

Today is Veterans Day in the United States. It is the day that we honor those men and women who have served their country in the uniform of one of our armed services. It is a day that we give due honor to all of our veterans, many of whom gave their lives for their country.

It was originally called, and still is in many countries, “Armistice Day”, commemorating November 11, 1918 when hostilities of the First World War ended. Indeed, I remember my parents still called November 11 “Armistice Day” into the 1980’s, even though it was officially changed to “Veterans Day” in 1954.

 I am currently reading a book about World War I, and I am once again struck by the incredible carnage of that terrible war. Millions of young men were killed by shells, bullets, poison gases, and disease during that terrible conflict. In the entire length of the months-long battle of the Somme, over 400,000 soldiers were killed- almost 30,000 on the first day of action. These were the Allied losses of French, British, Russian and British Commonwealth soldiers.  This figure does not even include Central Powers (Germany, Austria-Hungary, Bulgaria, Ottoman Empire, Bulgaria) losses. That war was literally a world war, involving most industrialized nations of the world by war’s end.

America entered the war in March 1917, and proportionate to the amount of time the Americans were in the war, the loss of life was high. Over 117,00 soldiers died and over 200,000 were wounded in just 18 months of involvement.

The entire world was shaken, and then reshaped by World War I. Political and national borders were carved out that cause strife until this very day. It was called the “war to end all wars”, and ironically, it set the stage for many future wars.

So, as we remember Veterans Day, we salute all those who have served their country proudly. We are proud of you…

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for the sacrifices of those who have served to protect us, Amen

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.                                                                  Proverbs 4:23

I recently spoke with a client about some of his strengths, including his empathy and self-awareness. As usual, this client did not see these attributes as strengths, but rather as his “Achilles Heel”. As we remember, Achilles was a remarkably gifted mythical warrior whose only vulnerability was his heel. Of course, Achilles was eventually taken down by an arrow to his heel.

I talked with my client about his great gift of sensitivity. I suggested that he needs to preserve this gift by guarding his heart, not hardening it. People with such sensitive spirits can be amazingly helpful and uplifting to others, but they may pay a high price of letting their hearts be vulnerable to being wounded and broken.

The goal is to guard our heart by being aware of tendencies which might cause us to over-identify with others. We need to have good boundaries, but at the same time, maintain an open heart. We must avoid becoming hardened to the pain we experience, thereby potentially becoming bitter, and actually losing that strength that is so important.  

Finding safe places to process what we have experienced emotionally is critical to guarding our heart. We all need safe places to land, and people that we trust, in order to maintain a tender heart which can be of value to others, as well as ourselves.

Prayer: Lord, protect our hearts so that we can be of greater value to others, Amen

Come and see what God has done, his awesome deeds for mankind!                                                                    Psalm 66:5

As I was driving down the highway the other day at about 65 MPH eating a Starbucks pumpkin scone, I thought about how this might be perceived by a traveler from let’s say 1750. I can just hear their incredulous response. “You were eating while traveling 65 miles per hour? How is that possible?” Maybe not the best practice while driving, but that may be a subject for another blog…

What we take for granted, previous generations would see as science fiction. What used to be seen as amazing is now commonplace. On a more spectacular basis, how might that citizen from 1750, or even 1850 think about people routinely traveling into space? Or instant communication between people around the globe? Or advances in health care that have brought previously grievous diseases under control?

This all got me thinking about how we take “amazing” for granted. We have come to expect the next amazing thing, and often we get it. Science and technology almost never cease to amaze us, but we are not amazed, we almost feel entitled.

Maybe it’s just me that thinks that we need to sit back and have some child-like amazement again about this world we live in. In fact, we take the origin of our universe, and the incredible mysteries of nature for granted.

Just remember, we live in a miraculously created universe that we still do not completely understand. But yeah, we take that for granted…

Lord, we are amazed at your universe, as well as the gifts you have given to humankind to make great advances. Forgive us when we simply take it all for granted, Amen

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.                                                                                                                         Psalm 139:13-16

Sitting in church today got me thinking. I know, you’re right, one should be thinking when they are at church. My thoughts ran to our marvelous gift of human senses, and how they are stimulated in church. The worship music of course involves our hearing. The spoken word of the pastor also involves hearing. Truly though, all of our senses are involved in the process of meeting together at church. Even the sense of taste when we share communion together.

The Catholic Church of my youth could not be equaled in how it appealed to not only sight and sound, but smell. Those great lingering smells of incense take one to a different place in the mind- a deep place that is always remembered. The wooden pews in old Catholic churches have soaked up that incense smell over decades (in some cases, centuries), and they render that church a repository of stored memories. Incense is supposed to represent our offerings going up to God, symbolized in the smoke- a sweet smell in God’s nostrils as it were.

In older churches, stained glass windows caused a visual reaction of beauty as well as teaching. The art and sculptured statues also stimulated our visual sense, and the beauty was gratifying- a fitting offering of such talents to God by the artists who created them.

The sense of touch, or rather the relative absence of it due COVID-19 responses, saddens me. When meeting friends, do we shake hands, fist bump, hug, nod from a proper distance? I am by nature a hugger, and there is, naturally, some hesitancy to hug. I also was a big handshaker. I know that this is probably the biggest germ spreader one can indulge in, even in non-COVID days. But old habits are hard to break, especially when you don’t want to break them!

Yes, church affords a wealth of responses from our entire being. That is how it should be, I think.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the gift of our senses. Such incalculable wealth we have! Amen

I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.                                      Ephesian 4:2-3

The laws of physics govern all of our physical actions. I am struck by the fact that those laws also are in play in how we relate to one another. You see, it takes energy to generate warmth. That is a physical law as well as a relational law. One needs to be intentional in order to generate those actions which can show warmth to another person.

As I have discussed in earlier blogs, warmth can be defined as effective non-verbal communication. Eye contact, smiles, gestures, body posture, and personal distance all play into the conveyance of warmth. Warmth can also be communicated by words, but whether it is verbal, or non-verbal, or both, it takes energy to generate the warmth. In other words, it costs something to reach out beyond our personal space to another person.

I have talked with clients who assume that their partner needs to be the one to be first to reach out to extend warm connections. There are many contextual reasons for such thinking, but I point out that such thinking is like expecting a fireplace to produce heat without first stoking it with wood. It costs some energy to generate warmth, but that is exactly the need for maintaining relationships.

Are we willing to pay that price?

Prayer: Lord, you have made us relational beings, needing warmth. Help us to give warmth to those whom we love, Amen

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.                                                                                            Luke 15:20

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us Romans 5:8

The final part of this discussion about the prodigal sons deals with the father. He is the central figure here because the whole point of the parable, indeed this whole chapter of Luke’s gospel, is seeking and finding the lost ones. That is, all of humankind- we are lost without a redeemer.

I love the verse quoted above- “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.                                                                                           

The father did not meet his errant son with a lecture. He didn’t shame his son by saying, “I told you to listen to my counsel, but no, you had to do it your way and now look at you!” The father was so glad to see his son restored, he ran to greet his son. He went to get him, even before he got home.

The picture here is how God made the plan to send his son Jesus to earth to redeem a fallen world, even before the world really knew it needed him. The father chose to celebrate his returning son, not to shame him. While the son felt unworthy, the father made it clear that his son did not need to assume a position of shame. His position had been restored, just as if he had never left.

I see so many clients who feel unworthy of love and affection because of some past behaviors. Some feel unloved because love was never properly shown to them as they were growing up. The story of the prodigal son is a lesson for all of us. We are welcomed by a loving father who seeks us, even before we know we need to be found.

Prayer: Lord, you show us how to love others by demonstrating it to us. Help us to be good ambassadors of your plans, Amen.

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate Luke 15:22-24

Yesterday I talked about the older son in the “Prodigal Story”. Today, we look at the younger son. Much has been written about this young man, and I have seen many clients who have their own “prodigal child” story. Seeing a child make poor decisions is heartbreaking and gives parents a feeling of helplessness.

It seemed a bit surprising to me that the father quickly acceded to his young son’s rash request to “give me my share of the estate”. There is a world of context that one might project on to this request, but I will try not to read minds here. The young son had a plan, and he wanted to gratify those plans right away. Likely, he had a history of rash decisions and lack of discipline, but who knows.

It took a little while before his bad decisions caught up with him, but, such things inevitably happen. We reap what we sow. When the runaway son really saw the poor state that he was in, he began to think rationally again. Prior to that, I’m guessing his pride and his denial prevented such rational thinking. However, there usually comes a time when we can no longer hide from our circumstances.

 Fortunately, the son saw what a blessing he had left behind- a loving father who would take him back. He also decided to come back with a humble spirit. He would only ask his father to take him back as a servant since he felt unworthy to be called his son anymore.

Once again, the father’s response was graceful. There was never a question that his son was always his son. Nothing can stop a loving father from loving his kids! “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate

Such is God’s love for his children, whom he always seeks to restore.

Prayer: What a lesson Jesus taught in this story. How powerful and reassuring, Amen