So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand                                                Isaiah 41:10

I will often suggest to my clients that they pick some kind of visual symbol to remind them of the coping tools that we discussed. Tactile reminders can be helpful. Sometimes, people will carry a tiny cross in their pocket, wear a ring, get a tattoo, or place some other very visual reminder on their person that helps to remind and anchor helpful mental health tools.

I tell my clients that Orthodox Jews may wear Frontlets on their forehead. These Frontlets contain pieces of parchment on which are written Scripture verses. In other words, they took very literally God’s command to “always keep my word in front of you”.

Each of us needs to find ways to be grounded when anxious or depressed, and also to remember that God promised to never leave us. Whatever form that takes for you, consider finding ways to make that real.

We all need reassurance sometimes…  

Prayer: We need reminders that you will never leave us. Thank you for that promise, Amen

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.                                                                                                                                                                 I Corinthians 6:19-20

If you are a frequent reader of this blog (and thank you, by the way), you know that I believe in the therapeutic effects of vigorous exercise. Recently I spoke with a client about consideration of anti-anxiety medication. I cannot prescribe medication, but I can and do discuss the relative benefits of medication for anxiety and depression.

The decision to take medication for mental health issues is one that should not be taken lightly. However, there can be excellent benefits for many people in taking medications, and they need to be considered as a cost/benefit analysis. The benefit of taking medication versus possible side effects and drug interactions, as well as current physical health all must be considered.

That being said, I let people know that changing brain chemistry can also be done, to good effect, by other means. One of those means is vigorous exercise. Again, this should be done with the advice and consent of the physician they are seeing. If cleared for regular exercise, I recommend that the client find the exercise that fits them best. It might be walking, running, lifting, yoga, martial arts- you name it. The important thing is consistency and dedication.

Finally, I often need to tell my clients that time for exercise is not a luxury- it is a necessity for good physical and mental health.

So, there it is. Hope you find that your exercise is enjoyable, because it surely is helpful.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us complex body/mind interactions that we need to use for our benefit and that of others, Amen

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.                       Galatians 5:22-23

Recently I was talking with a client who struggles with anger. He has a lot of stress at work and at home and he does not want to be an angry guy around his kids. He feels bad about yelling at his kids, and he sincerely wants help. We talked about his triggered responses and the need to “hit the pause button” when he gets a stimulus that may trigger his anger.

We went through the anxiety “tool kit” that I work out with clients, and we discussed his need for control of his kids. We went through his perceived need for control, and he came to realize that if he cannot control himself, he will never be able to control his kids. Control of his emotions must be present before he can exert any control over his children’s’ misbehaviors.

The only things we can really control are our own attitudes, feelings, and behaviors. We cannot control anything without control of our own emotions and behaviors.

We want to control a lot of things in our environment. Yes, we are all “control freaks”. Let’s just agree that we would love total control, and that we also will never have it. Just saying that out loud says, “I cannot control everything”.

That is a good start.

Prayer: Lord, you are in control, and we are not. There, that felt better! Amen

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.                                                  Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

One of the concepts that I frequently discuss with my clients is that of motivation. Motivation can be positive or negative. In aspiring to a goal or a “desired place”, we may have several motivators in place. We are complex beings, so simple answers are often insufficient to explain all the factors that move us. Yet it is good to try to determine, “what is my true motivator?”

I tend to think that positive motivators, that is, going toward a goal is a better and more satisfying motivator than a negative one. A negative motivator looks like, escaping from a painful or disagreeable situation.

Take a job change, for example. If we are in a bad job, one that drains us or causes undue anxiety, we probably want to get away from it. The motivation is escape. While in the short run  another job may look like the answer, it may not solve the real problem. We may take the first job opening that comes up as an answer for the bad job. If that new job is not satisfying either, we have just traded problems, with no solution.

If, on the other hand, we are drawn to another job that is really part of our skills, experience and calling, that is a much better motivator. There is a much better likelihood of success and fulfillment.

This concept is true for many decisions that we make. Moving toward a high value is more energizing that trying to escape a bad situation. Running away is tiring. Moving toward a vision is energizing.

Prayer: Lord, help us to discern the things to move toward, and what we may be running from, Amen.

A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance                                                                   Proverbs 28:13 (Living Bible)

I often listen to sports talk shows when I do my morning walk. I find it interesting that when coaches, and athletes who compete at a high level, are interviewed they often make this comment: “I don’t remember all the games, but I sure remember those losses.”

I find this interesting, and sad, but true. We often cannot let go of those losses- those bad decisions, mistakes, failures that seem to occupy more space in our head than they ought. I suppose there can be some silver lining for this somehow, but it seems that if we do not acknowledge those issues, they can overtake us.

All of us can remember mistakes and failures that we would like to forget. Sometimes, we just have to face those unhappy memories, live a bit in the lamenting of them, then file them away for another day. Like I have said in the past, we can visit those places, but we don’t have to live there.

I have found that embracing those memories when they come up, rather than trying to suppress or avoid them, is probably the healthiest way to deal with them. They will never just “go away”, so we must find a way to have peace with them, acknowledging them as traveling partners, however unwanted they may be.

I think by acknowledging those moments, we find a way to control them, rather than allowing those unhappy memories to control us. After all, failures and mistakes need not define us, they are just part of the journey.

Oh, and by the way, finding a way to forgive ourselves for those failures and mistakes is a pretty good idea too…

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the gift of memories, and it is a wonderful gift. Help us to manage those memories for our good, Amen

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.                                                                                                                                                                  Matthew 5:16 (KJV)

“Even the smallest light shines bright in the darkness”                                                   Donna Raye

Have you ever been in a cave? You know, like those tours in Mammoth Cave or some other spacious cave? If you have, you know how dark it is when the guide turns out the lights. Yes, it is almost painfully dark. You literally cannot see your hand three inches from your face. That dark. Then the guide lights a match some distance away, and it looks like a laser beam.

So, think about what it is like when you are in an emotional darkness. You feel that there will never be light again. You cannot remember what it is like to see or even feel the light again. Then comes a little note, or call, or card. Someone just sent a little thoughtful connection. Not a big deal in anyone’s thinking, but that day, that moment, it was as bright as a star.

You see, when it is REALLY dark, a little light shines inordinately bright. In comparison to the present environment, it becomes a huge event. Small by some standards, it is a ray of hope.

I spoke with a client recently who said that the little card and gift that she received from her church during the Christmas season, “made my week”.

So, don’t try to judge or minimize the effect of a small gesture. It really could be the brightest spot a person gets all week.

Prayer: Lord, help us to really see the little lights you send to us from others, Amen

Answering before listening is both stupid and rude                                                 Proverbs 18:13

The Book of Proverbs is really old- well over 2000 years old- yet it provides wisdom even today. All of us should heed the words in this book, and while some parts are certainly culturally dated, the principles by and large remain as helpful truths.

Take, for example, today’s passage about listening. As a counselor, I know that my client deserves to have a good and thorough hearing of the things that are important to them. Things that have been weighing on them. They may have confusion about direction. They may have shame and guilt over past actions. They may have deep sorrow, or they may have anxiety that prevents them from sleeping.

Whatever they bring to the session needs to be heard before a discussion can begin. Any preconceived ideas I may have about them or the issues they bring must be set aside until I get to know their mind and heart.

The writer of Proverbs knew this, and told his readers that failure to listen is “foolish and disrespectful”. In The Message version quoted above, the writer says that “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude”.

I suggest that this also applies to today’s political discourse where we hardly give any consideration to listening top one another in order to apply our strongly held beliefs with some vigor.

Proverbs has some great stuff. We should listen.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the wisdom we see in Proverbs. It is timeless and needed for today, Amen.

 They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.

 Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

 He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”                                                                                                           Mark 9:33-36

So, I can just imagine the conversation among the twelve disciples before Jesus confronted them about their bickering. They were ashamed because they were trying to decide among themselves who was the greatest. Maybe, most likely, they argued about who was the favorite of Jesus. These are grown men mind you, and they had been around Jesus for a while, and they were arguing over who was his favorite. They had, of course, completely missed his message, and the irony was, they were, in effect, trying to decide who missed his message the worst!

Jesus had to call them out by showing them, again, the paradox of power- the ones who give it away most effectively, are the ones who are the most successful.

I think about religious denominations which essentially argue, “Who has the path to God?” In other words, “who are God’s favorites?” The answer is, those who most effectively serve others without worrying about who gets credit. Wars have been fought over which Christian denomination is “right”. Pretty ridiculous, right? Yet it is human nature to be competitive with “closeness to God”.

So, we shouldn’t be too hard on the disciples. They just wanted to be the closest to Jesus. Great goal. The way to do that is to do his will, and to serve his children.

Prayer: Lord, your message is so simple that we often miss it. Thank you for your plan to be childlike to be close to you, Amen.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.                                                            II Corinthians 4:8-9

One of the phrases I often use with clients is “good behavior beats bad thinking”. What I mean by that is, we are often beset by thoughts which are disturbing, and that we may feel are out of control. Anxiety will do that. Thoughts can take on a life of their own, and they often depart from rationality. Anxiety, after all is typically irrational. Worry can be based in reality, but anxiety transcends rational thought and becomes “worry about worry”.

The antidote to anxiety is control. There is nothing wrong with control, it’s just that there are a lot of things we cannot control. So, I think we should try to control all the things that we can reasonably control to lower our anxiety.

One of the things that we CAN control is our behavior. We can do things which can give us a sense of comfort and security, even when our thoughts may tell us otherwise. I tell my clients to come up with their list of behaviors that they can count on when thoughts get out of control.

There are behaviors which can directly help our anxious state, such as preparation for a dreaded event (that exam, that interview, etc.), talking things over with a trusted friend for support, and making sure that we maintain our physical and spiritual health.

There are also behaviors which can just be diversions- things like watching a movie, running or walking, reading, playing a game, or a host of other activities which may just take our mind off the current spiraling thoughts.

So, good behavior can overcome bad thoughts. We do have more control than we might think about how we can respond to anxious times. Controlling the things that we can control is not a bad thing. We just need to know the difference about what is truly under our control and what is not.

Prayer: Lord, you would have us to be anxious for nothing, but our human minds struggle with that. We know that you are present in the troubled times, Amen

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest                                           Matthew 11:28 (KJV)

Yesterday I talked about “The Tireds”, and I explained the three types of feeling fatigue- physical, spiritual and mental/emotional. I went on to say that the remedies for these three types are different. For physical fatigue, we need rest and sleep. For mental/emotional fatigue, I suggested physical exercise which refreshes our mind, and gives better blood flow to the entire body, including the brain. This helps our thinking to become clearer, and allows us the pause to think with a “renewed mind”.

Spiritual fatigue is something we rarely discuss. I must first say that spiritual fatigue looks like doubt, anger, hopelessness, feeling abandoned by God, disappointed by the church (or Church- there is a difference), or even apathy. There can be any number of feelings associated with such fatigue, but those feelings are just that- feelings. We have a right to our feelings, but we must own them and not blame anyone else for them. When negative feelings occur, we need to do something about them. Brooding or going to a place of victimhood are surefire poisons.

So, what are the remedies for spiritual fatigue? Truth and the expression of it. We must honestly own those negative feelings, then express them to safe people. To put that simply, the remedies are truth and fellowship.

Our anger at God, our doubts, disappointments, etc. are all things that God is not surprised at. He is the Maker, so he knows us very well. Being honest with God, and expressing to “safe” others our negative feelings is freeing. Yes, you know, the Truth sets us free.

I suggest that feeling guilty about being angry at God is not healthy or helpful. Sometimes letting others know our feelings about our sense of disappointment with God is just the thing to unlock that spiritual fatigue.

Finally, as I tell my clients, we can visit those places of our disappointment with God, but we can’t live there. Process those feelings honestly, and know that God is there in the end.

Prayer: Lord, we thank you for knowing us and accepting us right where we are. Send your refreshing Spirit to those who are suffering, Amen