Today I am running my daughter’s (Jennifer Hartwell) blog (http://www.traumamom4.com) in its entirety. It is a great discussion about how we relate to others. I run it with her permission, and my joy…

I recently took care of a patient who went out of his way to thank for me crouching next to his bedside to speak to him. “I like you,” he said. “Actually, I don’t just like you, I trust you. You didn’t stand over me like some ‘lord’ like most people do. You got down and looked me in the eye.” It’s true. I did. His bed seemed to be extra low to the ground and for some reason my 5’6” frame felt like I was towering over this 75-year-old man, and it didn’t feel right. So, I squatted down to his level.

We talked about his condition and what the best next steps would be. We were debating about the need for surgery, and if we decided to pursue surgery, the right timing for his operation. He shared with me some details about himself and his family. Where he is from, what he does for work, what he does for fun, who his children are and what they do. I painted a picture in my mind of what his life must be like. Travel. Family. Some adventure. Expert in his field. I could imagine a man beyond the gaunt and tired one in front of my eyes. Through some tears, he grabbed my hand and said, “Thank you for taking care of me. I trust you.”

His words seared into my mind that week, I found myself crouching down next to a lot of bedsides. Aching knees be damned. Eye level is a powerful place to be.

This encounter made me think about all the times and places that I have purposefully or subconsciously used my privilege as a well-to-do, white, American, to “lord” over the person in front of me. Instead of crouching down, how many times have I stood up, and over, any number of people who live in the margins of the world? Our Black and Brown brothers and sisters who may have been born in another nation; our Palestinian cousins who truly desire peace not terror; our LGBTQ+ family and friends who want only to be loved for who they truly are; our Jewish neighbors who are heartbroken over senseless death but also dearly desire and deserve dignity and a safe haven; women who face abuse, neglect, or violence; the families whose tireless work is just not enough and find themselves in desperate need. How. Many. Times.?

Getting down on eye level in this world means more than my aching knees and burning quads for a few minutes. Eye level means digging deep into trying to understand what it’s like from another vantage point. Eye level means zooming in from a stadium full of people who I’ve labeled as “the opposition” to the individual person who has a name and a story. It means checking my privilege. It means letting go of the fear of losing control or power. Eye level means being brave enough to watch the videos of dying children in Gaza; it means listening to the stories of the daring souls who navigated the Darien Gap in a heroic effort to bring a better life to themselves and their children; it means asking the woman who is seeking an abortion the simple question, “Why? Tell me your story,” instead of peppering her with guilt for her situation. Eye level means coming down from my ivory tower. It means showing up, shutting up and, kneeling down. Eye level means opening our hearts, quieting the noise, and building trust.

I remain deeply affected by my patient who poignantly taught me about the power of eye level. I hope you consider it too. We can all be better if we just take a moment to get down on eye level.

As is my tradition, I present to you Luke chapter 2, verses 1-18 in the King James version. May it bless and comfort you this Christmas Day!

 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.                                                                                                                                                           Isaiah 9:6

Today is Christmas Eve! Do you remember the incredible excitement we had as children on this day? We thought that we would burst if we couldn’t open presents right now! In my household, we opened presents on Christmas Eve, then we went to midnight Mass. The next day was reserved for relatives coming to the house to visit and feast with us.

I see that same excitement in my youngest grandchildren now. I am happy for them. It rekindles some of the exuberance of youth for me. For many years now, the excitement has been seeing others receive gifts. Giving is so much more enjoyable than receiving, and that is the gift that we acquire with age.

So, my dear readers, I trust that you are in the place like me. As we see others enjoy opening gifts, we get joy out of just seeing them. Revel in the joy of Jesus born into a broken world to give us the hope and joy of his presence!

Merry Christmas!

Prayer: Thank you, Lord, for the joy of giving, Amen

All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn’t, and doesn’t, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it’s sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that’s the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.                         Romans 5:20-21 (The Message)

I recently met with a client who deals with the shame of addictions. In fact, he has carried this shame with him like a dark cloak for many years. It is sad for so many reasons, not the least of which is that he experienced trauma from about age eight from a father who was a sexual predator.

The client is an overcomer who has worked very hard at dealing with addictions, but periodic relapses ignite his shame to new levels. Because of this shame, he feels inadequate to be a spiritual leader in his home.

We talked about this, and I reminded him that if one must be blameless to be a leader, there would be no one to lead. Every one of us can name a broken life area that could “disqualify” us for leadership if we let it. Every great leader in history had (has) some dark parts in their life that could hold them back, if they allowed that to happen.

I think we all understand how this client feels. Yet, we cannot let feelings of shame get in the way of doing the things we can, indeed must, do. I reminded him of the mantra- “do, then feel”. When we go ahead and do the things we need to do, we begin to feel better. We cannot wait to feel better about ourselves before we take on those duties.

This client is a good man, an overcomer, a fine husband and father, but his shame pulls him back and restrains him. I pray that he can see himself the way that God sees him- forgiven and important to those around him.

I pray that for all of us.  

Prayer: Lord, help us see the power of your immense forgiveness, Amen

Just a quick note as I write this blog on the shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere- December 21. It is dark outside and it is early evening. This is the least light we will have this year. But you know the good news? From now until June 21 in this Hemisphere, the days are getting longer! More light is on the way, little by little. Yes, it is incrementally small, but we are going in the right direction again!

So, my dear friends, not only is Christmas really close, Spring is on the way (sort of)!

Blessings to you – baseball season can’t be far off!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the cycles of life and light that you give as rhythms to our life, Amen

I recently spoke with an older couple who were having some communication problems. I was pointing out to the wife that she often projects her own assumptions about her husband’s wants and needs. For example, she believes that it is her job to provide a good meal to him when he returns from work. This stresses her, because he is not very forthcoming about what he wants- he just figures that she will do a good job, because he thinks she always does. In fact, he does not want to stress her with any expectations, because she tends to worry and become self-critical. Unfortunately, his lack of communication causes her stress!

His lack of communication about what he wants is interpreted by her as his being dissatisfied. When we got this into the open, he said to her, “Your assumptions of what I need are much greater than my expectations- I don’t want you to stress out, I’m worried about you”. She laughed at his statement, saying, “He doesn’t say much, but when he does, he’s pretty good at it!”

Would that such communication discussions were all this easy! The point is, however, when we make assumptions, we are often projecting our values onto someone else. It’s easy to project our feelings on to others because they are so close to us, so obviously true to us, that we assume others must think the same way.

This was another reminder to me that everyone does not think the same way I do. Well, diversity of thought is so healthy, we ought to embrace it more often!

Prayer: Lord, help us move beyond our own thinking to embrace other views, Amen

“Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.                                                                                             Deuteronomy 6:4-5

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”                                                                                                           Mark 12:30-31

 You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.  This is my command: Love each other                                                     John 15:16-17

As a special treat to my readers this Christmas season, I have the pleasure of having my daughter join me in this blog today. Indeed, the topic was her idea….

In all the controversy these days about the Christian message to the world, and frankly the misuse and misunderstanding of what the Bible says about how God would have us to live, there remains this one thing.

Love one another.

In the Old Testament, the message from the famous Shema of Jewish tradition remains as a pillar of how we can understand God. His message has always been, “Love one another”. The passage in Deuteronomy indicates that we are commanded to love God. When it was reiterated by Jesus in the book of Mark, and again in John, Jesus made it clear that love was not an option, nor is it a feeling that we have. It is a sacrificial decision that we make. Jesus expanded the Shema to include the second part as equally important – “Love your neighbor as yourself”

So, if you want to know the Christian message (not the “thou shalt nots”, but the “thou shalls”), and how God would have us live in the world, be aware that the formula has been repeated many times.

When the world hands us a dose of political or religious vitriol, Jesus hands us love. When we are divided by race, ideology, economics, or gender, Jesus comes in and unites us with a simple message of love. In this world where social media entices us to debate, outwit, out smart, or out do one another, Jesus says “Where there is any uncertainty, just choose love.”

Even within the Christian church, there has been much division about how to welcome those who don’t look like us, worship like us, or love like us. Our natural human reaction is to build rules around love: you are welcome if you vote like me, look like me, marry like me, live in a home like mine. But there is no model from Jesus for these kinds of rules. We saw Jesus approach a woman at the well who carried shame, and he welcomed her. We saw Jesus love and heal the paralyzed man who was dropped through the roof to reach him; quite an unconventional approach, but it phased Jesus none at all. Indeed, we saw this loving Jesus flip the tables as a sign of his disapproval of the business of the church that was drawing attention away from love and towards bank accounts instead.

There is so much that is confusing in this world today, including the church that so many of us grew up in. While we may never fully understand it all on this side of heaven, Jesus provides us a way through. He offers us the holy way of love. Just love. Just listening and holding space for each other. That’s it. It doesn’t have to be a battle. Jesus says to us, “Where there is any doubt what way to choose, choose love.” There is no greater command.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the love you have shown to us through the ages, Amen

Jesus was born in the town of Bethlehem, in Judea, during the reign of King Herod. At about that time some astrologers from eastern lands arrived in Jerusalem, asking, “Where is the newborn King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in far-off eastern lands and have come to worship him.”                             Matthew 2:1-2

I have been looking at the clear night sky lately, and the stars and planets have been especially brilliant. The one advantage of winter is the clarity of the sky due to the cold temperatures and relative lack of clouds and haze. I was really taken aback the other evening with the brightness of Jupiter. Venus, the morning star is similarly brilliant.

Then I happened to hear a podcast which discussed a possible explanation of the Christmas star. That same star the Magi were tracking when they sought the newborn ruler whom they believe the star portended.

The theory put forth by this scholar was that on the morning of April 17, in 6 B.C. an unusual alignment of the planet Jupiter, rising early in the morning, before sunrise in the eastern sky, caused the Magi to follow this omen. Since it arose in the astrological house of Aries, it caused them to believe that this omen meant that a significant king would be born in Judea. Judea evidently was associated with the astrological house of Aries.

It is interesting to note that these Magi were astrologers from perhaps Mesopotamia or Babylonia. They were skilled in the arts of astrology, and when they determined that this new king would be born in Judea, they headed to Jerusalem to inquire of the current king about this amazing birth.

Jews were prohibited from practicing the astrological arts, so Herod, and the other Jewish inhabitants were unaware of the significance that the pagan world associated with this sign. Of course, Herod wanted to hear about a king who might supplant him. Herod wanted names and addresses so that he could destroy this usurper king!

The mind-blower for me was that on December 19 of that year, Jupiter seemed to stand still in the sky. It shone brightly because of a confluence with the moon, and it seemed to just stand still. There is a technological reason for this phenomenon- Jupiter did not stand still. However, it appeared to stand still relative to the position of the earth in its course around the sun relative to Jupiter at that point.

Now this theory is just that- a theory. However, it does have some scientific backing and it could have been an explanation of the Christmas star followed by those wise men from the east.

Whether this theory flies or not, there are some interesting aspects to it. The Judeans would have been clueless about the astrological significance of this momentous event, but the rest of the world may have seen something that the Jews of the time did not.

A new King was being born.

Prayer: Lord, you give us wonderful gifts that we sometimes fail to see, Amen

Simon Peter said, “You’re the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus came back, “God bless you, Simon, son of Jonah! You didn’t get that answer out of books or from teachers. My Father in heaven, God himself, let you in on this secret of who I really am. And now I’m going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out.                                                                                                                                                          Matthew 16:16-18 (The Message)

I saw an article in the paper today that church attendance is down to 30% participation by the U.S. population. In prior decades, going back into the 1960’s that percentage was around 40-45% in most decades. However, in the past decade, partly due to the effects of COVID-19, that percentage fell significantly, and now stands at around 30%.

COVID of course took a big toll on church attendance, but so also did the unhappy marriage of religion and politics. Younger people see that as politics becomes more intertwined with religion, both institutions suffer.

Church attendance for a group of believers is more than just a Sunday exercise. The bond that comes from social and spiritual interactions is healthy in every way to the human spirit. From a mental health standpoint, I typically encourage church attendance for my clients as a way to become part of a movement that is larger than ourself. Involvement in a church is good for both mind and spirit.

I am not really worried about the sustained existence of the “capital C” Church. The Church will prevail because God said that it would- it will just look a bit different in future decades.  In the meantime, we need to remember that participation in church is healthy, and that even though it looks different these days, the Church will survive.

Prayer: Lord, bless your Church so that it can bless others, Amen

Luke Chapter 1

This time of year, I always like to look back at Luke chapter one for his telling of the story about the birth of Jesus. He gives a rich background too. He tells the story of Mary’s relative, Elizabeth, who also had conceived a child, and with whom Mary stayed for three months. That was about the timeframe which coincided with Elizabeth’s delivery of her own son, John.

I also found it interesting that Gabriel, the angel who delivered the good news to these families, told Mary that her relative Elizabeth (cousin perhaps), had also conceived in a miraculous way. Luke relates the beautiful words recited by Mary, Elizabeth, and Zechariah (Elizabeth’s husband) as they tell of the glorious miracles that God had delivered to them. Maybe this was encouraging to Mary, who now had a kindred spirit to share these life-changing (world changing) pregnancies.   

Luke’s background gives the very human touch to these miraculous happenings. Indeed, the idea of miracles becomes a part of our wonder in this Christmas season. How often do we see unexplainable things in our life and later recognize the presence of modern-day miracles?

The miracles still happen, even if they look a little different than the ones we see in Luke.

Prayer: Lord, you are the author of miracles, yesterday and today, Amen