Listen to me, all of you in far-off lands: The Lord called me before my birth. From within the womb he called me by my name. Isaiah 49:1 (Living Bible)
God equips us with many talents and gifts so that we can navigate this world. Even before we were born, God had put into our DNA certain traits and tendencies which we simply accept as gifts, not as anything that we have worked for. Now, to be sure, some people take those gifts for granted, and do not work to develop them fully. Some people take credit for the gifts that were not of their own making. Some, sadly, do not recognize the gifts that they have, even when others point them out.
Some have musical ability, others athletic ability, others academic ability, others mechanical abilities, and so on. Some have high abilities in several areas. However, we all have abilities in some areas.
Often, I will ask my clients to take the StrengthFinder (Gallup Trademarked) test. That test will help people identify one of 34 potential strengths. The strengths are then explained and clients can see how those strengths can be of benefit to themselves and others. Typically, when we go over the strengths, the “light goes on”, and they can see that they have that special ability in an area which they have been using for years without really thinking about it. It just came naturally to them.
Gifts and talents are like that. We often do not see our own gifts because we don’t value them. After all, the things that come easy to us, we think, must come easy to everybody. “I’m not that special”, we feel. “If I can do it, anybody can do it”. How often have you heard that?
We need to recognize and appreciate the talents and gifts that we have, and humbly accept that we have been given them for a reason. Those talents are God’s gifts to us. Our gift to him is to use them in the service of others.
Prayer: Thank you for the many gifts you have given to us. Help us to see them, and use them in your service, Amen
I can’t say I was surprised, but I was disappointed and saddened to read these words in a rejection letter for the supplemental disability insurance policy I applied for through my workplace. In January of 2023, I went for a routine physical exam with my new primary care doctor, and I screened positive for depression. After discussing my options with her, we decided that a low-dose SSRI in combination with high-quality therapy would be the best path forward.
A diagnosis of depression shocked precisely no one in my world: I’d recently left a toxic job, floridly burned out, and moved my family hundreds of miles further away from my parents and brother to start a new job; two kids in college and two teen boys at home; a marriage that had weathered some hard days; perimenopause creeping in; and not to mention a job that daily reminds me of the brutality and unfairness of life and the devastation of firearm and other forms of interpersonal violence. Oh, and the pandemic. And, oh yeah, the collective sadness of a nation wounded by divisive and hateful political rhetoric. I know I am not the only one who sported a new diagnosis of mild depression in 2023.
After about six weeks on some Prozac, and a few impactful sessions with my terrific therapist, I was feeling considerably better. I felt more engaged in my work and with my patients. I had more energy to accomplish tasks at home. I regained my interest in exercise and cooking and writing. I felt less labile, less tearful, and less anxious. I was sleeping better and worrying less. A few times I even described the difference before January and after around March as “like a switch was flipped”. I was never suicidal, but I certainly had some fleeting feelings of despair (which I believe is part of the human condition and not pathologic), but those dark moments are so few and far between now. I was hitting my stride in my job, loving teaching, operating, writing, speaking. I was doing great! I still am.
So why, when I am doing all I can to take care of myself, am I now ineligible for insurance to provide for myself and my family should some unexpected event limit my capacity to do my job, such as a car accident or fall?
I am not surprised at all.
Though there has been some improvement over the past five years or so, there remains significant stigma around the mental health of physicians. For years, we have been asked to disclose any mental health or substance use disorders (including history of, treated, recovered, or non-active) and these disclosures are routinely used against us to withhold or complicate medical licensing, hospital credentialing, and insurance coverage, particularly life and disability insurance. The great irony is that failing to seek an accurate diagnosis and treatment for mental health concerns and substance use, much like failing to treat diabetes or heart disease, makes me a much more unsafe physician than ignoring my conditions or lying about them. Failing to seek help dramatically increases my risk of needing that same disability insurance.
It’s frustrating that although I feel my best, my proactive approach and my honesty about my depression, have stood in the way of my desire to fully protect my family in the event of a tragedy…which by the way, after my husband’s stroke in July, we are all too familiar with.
Nevertheless, I will persist. 2023 was a year that knocked me down, caught me off guard, and tried to hurt me. But here I am, arguably stronger than I was at the tail end of 2022. In 2024, I am certain we will similarly face adversity. All of the issues that have broken my heart in 2023 will not magically disappear at the stroke of midnight tonight. But I feel strong enough to face them. I have the personal tools for mental fortitude, the family and friends who are squarely in my corner, and every reason to believe that even when I feel like things won’t be ok, indeed, they will actually be ok.
“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heartand examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human.I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are,not as they pretend to be.”
Jeremiah 17:9-10 (The Message)
This blog was not written by AI. But it could have been, and there is every likelihood that you would not be able to tell the difference between an Artificial Intelligence blog of mine, and a real blog of mine. AI, I understand, is that good at learning information, writing style, and even audience preferences.
We are facing a whole new world in that arena. We already have to deal with “bots” on social media platforms, disinformation, and loss of personal information. Now, we encounter the two-edged sword of Artificial Intelligence.
The irony is, I cannot truly explain what AI is, or its capabilities (or the dangers of it), but AI can. Yeah, I’m with you. Yikes!
I’m certain that there are already AI programs that have been written that are used in counseling. Proper responses, even some intuitive leaps and interventions can be programmed into such counseling programs. I don’t think that AI is yet able to replace the skill of reading client emotions, or picking up certain cues from eye contact or body language. I also do not think that AI can yet deal with, or possess, the virtues of humility, forgiveness, empathy, and a host of nuanced human traits which are signs of experience in living and maturity. But then again, I don’t know what I don’t know.
I do trust that the human heart cannot be matched by the logic and even intuitive leaps that AI can do. In many ways, as Jeremiah said above, we cannot even know our own heart, so – take that AI! 😊
Just kidding AI, don’t get mad. After all, I’m only human!
Prayer: Lord, you have allowed human intelligence to expand to places we never could have imagined. Help us to handle these things wisely, Amen
For the next week or so, I will be on vacation. However, I want to continue connection with you, and so I will be posting every day with material from my past blogs, and also some posts from my daughter’s blog, Traumamom 4. As many of you may know, she is a trauma surgeon, a wife, and the mother of 4 kids. She is also a gifted and sensitive writer. Today’s blog is one of hers from the past year. You will be seeing several of her blogs, and I know you’ll love them.
Blessings!
from traumamom4 – by Jennifer Hartwell
Eye Level
I recently took care of a patient who went out of his way to thank for me crouching next to his bedside to speak to him. “I like you,” he said. “Actually, I don’t just like you, I trust you. You didn’t stand over me like some ‘lord’ like most people do. You got down and looked me in the eye.” It’s true. I did. His bed seemed to be extra low to the ground and for some reason my 5’6” frame felt like I was towering over this 75-year-old man, and it didn’t feel right. So, I squatted down to his level.
We talked about his condition and what the best next steps would be. We were debating about the need for surgery, and if we decided to pursue surgery, the right timing for his operation. He shared with me some details about himself and his family. Where he is from, what he does for work, what he does for fun, who his children are and what they do. I painted a picture in my mind of what his life must be like. Travel. Family. Some adventure. Expert in his field. I could imagine a man beyond the gaunt and tired one in front of my eyes. Through some tears, he grabbed my hand and said, “Thank you for taking care of me. I trust you.”
His words seared into my mind that week, I found myself crouching down next to a lot of bedsides. Aching knees be damned. Eye level is a powerful place to be.
This encounter made me think about all the times and places that I have purposefully or subconsciously used my privilege as a well-to-do, white, American, to “lord” over the person in front of me. Instead of crouching down, how many times have I stood up, and over, any number of people who live in the margins of the world? Our Black and Brown brothers and sisters who may have been born in another nation; our Palestinian cousins who truly desire peace not terror; our LGBTQ+ family and friends who want only to be loved for who they truly are; our Jewish neighbors who are heartbroken over senseless death but also dearly desire and deserve dignity and a safe haven; women who face abuse, neglect, or violence; the families whose tireless work is just not enough and find themselves in desperate need. How. Many. Times.?
Getting down on eye level in this world means more than my aching knees and burning quads for a few minutes. Eye level means digging deep into trying to understand what it’s like from another vantage point. Eye level means zooming in from a stadium full of people who I’ve labeled as “the opposition” to the individual person who has a name and a story. It means checking my privilege. It means letting go of the fear of losing control or power. Eye level means being brave enough to watch the videos of dying children in Gaza; it means listening to the stories of the daring souls who navigated the Darien Gap in a heroic effort to bring a better life to themselves and their children; it means asking the woman who is seeking an abortion the simple question, “Why? Tell me your story,” instead of peppering her with guilt for her situation. Eye level means coming down from my ivory tower. It means showing up, shutting up and, kneeling down. Eye level means opening our hearts, quieting the noise, and building trust.
I remain deeply affected by my patient who poignantly taught me about the power of eye level. I hope you consider it too. We can all be better if we just take a moment to get down on eye level.
And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns. Philippians 1:6
I was speaking with a client recently about the value of personal disciplines in each area of life- physical, spiritual, and emotional dimensions. Disciplines give us a sense of structure and control. They help us to feel better about ourselves as we do the things that we say we are going to do. That being said, when we fall out of the habit of a discipline, it does not take long for the benefits to diminish.
I remember when I had a knee replacement several years ago. I had been walking several miles per day for years, but finally the knee gave out and I needed a new one. While I was in the hospital, and just a few weeks removed from regular walking, I saw that my calf muscle had visibly atrophied. Needless to say, I was depressed, but also determined to get back to exercise as soon as I could!
The point is this- disciplines are good for the body and soul, but be sure to keep up the habits. Indeed the saying is true, “If you don’t use it, you lose it!
Prayer: Lord, give us the strength to continue the good work you began in us, Amen
And so, dear brothers, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living sacrifice, holy—the kind he can accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how his ways will really satisfy you.
3 As God’s messenger I give each of you God’s warning: Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you.4-5 Just as there are many parts to our bodies, so it is with Christ’s body. We are all parts of it, and it takes every one of us to make it complete, for we each have different work to do. So we belong to each other, and each needs all the others.
6 God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, then prophesy whenever you can—as often as your faith is strong enough to receive a message from God.7 If your gift is that of serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching. 8 If you are a preacher, see to it that your sermons are strong and helpful. If God has given you money, be generous in helping others with it. If God has given you administrative ability and put you in charge of the work of others, take the responsibility seriously. Those who offer comfort to the sorrowing should do so with Christian cheer.
9 Don’t just pretend that you love others: really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good.10 Love each other with brotherly affection and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically.
12 Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and prayerful always.13 When God’s children are in need, you be the one to help them out. And get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner or, if they need lodging, for the night.
14 If someone mistreats you because you are a Christian, don’t curse him; pray that God will bless him.15 When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. 16 Work happily together. Don’t try to act big. Don’t try to get into the good graces of important people, but enjoy the company of ordinary folks. And don’t think you know it all!
17 Never pay back evil for evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honest clear through.18 Don’t quarrel with anyone. Be at peace with everyone, just as much as possible.
19 Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it. Don’t take the law into your own hands.[a]20 Instead, feed your enemy if he is hungry. If he is thirsty give him something to drink and you will be “heaping coals of fire on his head.” In other words, he will feel ashamed of himself for what he has done to you. 21 Don’t let evil get the upper hand, but conquer evil by doing good
Very little from me today, but a lot from the Book of Romans. As I read this, I thought about how people entangle their religious thoughts and their political thoughts. If you had to respond just from what Paul wrote in Romans, how might that affect your political thinking?
Just food for thought, dear readers, and a word for all of us..
He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak Isaiah 40:29
Often, other people see things in us that we do not see in ourselves. One of the things that I do as a counselor is get to know my clients, and try to see in them things that they may not see for themselves. Indeed, clients give me permission to speak into their lives, giving them constructive feedback, as well as encouragement. It is an act of humility on the part of a client to give such permission, especially to someone that they do not know. They are showing a level of trust in me before they even know me. I deeply appreciate that trust, and it is my job to honor that by being truthful, holding their best interest at stake, keeping their information confidential, and seeing them as God does as best I can.
As people unfold their story to me, I can gradually get to know how they see the world. I also begin to see strengths in them that they may not see, or maybe they have never given the chance to develop. It is my job to look for those strengths so that we can employ them in dealing with problems, or helping them to manage those strengths better. Remember, strengths to an extreme can become weaknesses, so we must learn to manage those strengths well.
We saw when Jesus chose his disciples that he picked people who were not, in the world’s eyes, the most successful people, or the most learned people. Yet Jesus saw something in them that they did not see in themselves.
John, for example, was called, along with his brother, “a son of thunder” because he had a volatile temper, and an arrogant view about his position in life. Simon, later called Peter, was an exuberant, impulsive, man who frequently spoke before he thought. He was not the most stable of people in making commitments.
Yet Jesus saw in them characteristics that they did not see themselves. Their affiliation with Jesus transformed them into the men they could be. Jesus had seen that potential, and he spoke that into them.
John later became the loving apostle who wrote such beautiful commentary on how we should love one another. Volatile Simon became “Peter, the Rock”, the one on whom Jesus said he would help build his church. Imagine Simon hearing that he was a “rock”- a solid, capable man of strength. Sometimes, when we hear about the person who we CAN become, we DO become that person.
Prayer: Father, thank you for people who see things in us that we do not see for ourselves. Give us the humility to receive it well, Amen.
You are Peter, a stone; and upon this rock I will build my church; and all the powers of hell shall not prevail against it. Matthew 16:18 (Living Bible)
Sometimes the words Christendom and Christianity are used interchangeably. They are not the same. Christendom is a term applied to countries and states where Christianity has historically been the dominant religion. In the Middle Ages and into the Age of Discovery, the concept of “Christendom” was used as a cover to give sanction to exploring powers to “Christianize heathen populations” and win those souls for Christ.
I think we all know the problems that came from colonization, and the overpowering of indigenous cultures all in the name of “Christianizing”. This is to say that we can put sanitized labels on our behaviors in the name of God.
Alexis de Tocqueville, a renowned European scholar of the 19th century who loved American ideals, said “In Europe, Christianity has permitted itself to be intimately united with the powers of the earth. Today these powers are falling and it is almost buried under their debris.”
His warning should be well heeded. To the extent that Christianity allies itself with governmental power, both suffer. Neither Christians, nor the Church, need the power of a national state to prosper or to have influence. Indeed, the church only has influence to the extent that it is NOT allied with the governing state.
I am concerned about the people who advocate for Christian Nationalism. This is not healthy, neither for Christianity, nor the nation.
Prayer: Lord, you told us the Church will prevail through your power, Amen.
to take a fresh breath and to let God renew your attitude and spirit. Ephesians 4:23 (The Voice)
I was talking with a client recently and she talked about “coping” with certain situations. I asked if I could help her see that another word might work better. I suggested that she talk about “managing” those issues rather than coping with them. Why is that important? Well, I think words matter, and even nuances like the difference between “coping” and “managing” can mean a lot.
The word coping tends to be a passive word, like “enduring”. While coping with problems or chronic situations can be considered a good thing, I think that it implies a certain passivity or maybe even a sense of helplessness.
Managing a situation, however, implies a sense of control. It says “There are things that I can do or that I am now doing that can help me in this situation.” Managing does not mean alleviating necessarily. It does however give a sense of power and control, even if we cannot completely change the outcome.
One does not think about saying “I am coping with my diabetes” (at least I hope not). One does say “I am managing my diabetes to keep it under better control.” The same is true with anxiety and depression. Yes, there is a sense of making peace with the idea that we need help with these conditions, but then we do the things we need to do. We manage them through therapy, medication, exercise, spiritual and social connections, and developing a support team.
The words we use to explain our situation may indicate some hidden feelings about what is happening. Thinking in terms of behaviors that we can do to better take control of the things that are causing us pain is a more helpful way to look at those things.
Prayer: Lord, give us the discernment to see that we can change the way we look at problems, Amen.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I often am in the business of educating my clients about their anxiety and depression. Specifically, I give them tools to be able to handle such conditions, and one of the things I typically tell them is that fighting these problems is a team sport, not an individual one. By that I mean is that success in dealing with mental health issues is achieved by naming the teammates who are in the fight with you. Don’t try to go it alone.
Healing is done in community. Those that love us are wanting to engage in the fight with us. When the anxiety feels overwhelming, you call on a teammate. When you are awash in depression and feel defeated, call on a teammate.
What stops us from getting the help? I suppose there are lots of reasons. First, we must be willing to admit that fighting alone is not usually successful. Reaching out for help is difficult, it can be awkward, and it makes us feel vulnerable.
However, reaching for that help is the first victory. Just by admitting that we need help, want help, is the first and most important step in that healing. Contacting a therapist is an important step, but it is not the only one. Gather a team of people who care about you, and let them know of your plan to seek help.
You are on your way to healing.
Prayer: Lord, help us to see the power of a helping team, Amen
Reflections of a Counselor 