I will be on vacation for a few days, and in the meantime, I am posting some “Best Of” reflections for your consideration. As always, I deeply appreciate your continued readership and support. I hope these reflections bring a little joy into your life.

If you want to read other material from the blog, check out the extensive archive on the home page…

Blessings, and enjoy the rest of your summer!

Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.

Eckhart Tolle

I recently had a discussion with a client about the connection between sadness and anger. She has always had trouble getting in touch with the emotion of sadness, but instead she tends to become irritable and angry when upset with news that would normally elicit sadness.  

Upon further discussion of her history, it made sense that the client had tried to protect herself from sadness by getting in touch with an emotion over which she better understood and felt more control of- anger.

As I discussed this with her, I explained that irritability is often a characteristic of depression. People who are sad or depressed find it easier, or perhaps even more acceptable, to display anger instead. Anger may be more of a protection from the profound sadness that is so frightening for so many people.

We all get sad at times, and we all get angry at times. It is important to take the time and effort to really understand what is taking place in our internal emotional life. Only then can we effectively deal with either of these emotions.

Prayer: Lord, help us to take the time to look honestly and courageously at our emotions, Amen  

Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.  And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.                                           Matthew 16:17

 Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”                    Matthew 16:23

In the Gospel of Matthew chapter 16, in the space of just a few verses, Jesus tells Peter that he will become the rock upon which his church will be built, followed by an admonition that Peter had more human concerns than godly thinking.

Pretty wild sequence, right? Peter goes from favored child to clueless follower in a short space of time. Now, I am not a Bible scholar, but I think those actions came pretty close together in time. Peter was human, and he could have great insights, as well as thoughtless moments in a very short sequence!

Yeah, he was just like us. We make these kinds of mistakes all the time, yet Jesus never throws us away. Jesus did not strip Peter of his place as a leader just because of a thoughtless sequence of events. Peter was impulsive and passionate. That passion was the very reason Jesus chose him.

Yet, our greatest strengths become our greatest weaknesses if we do not manage them well. Peter was just like us. We have strengths that we must manage in order to become the most effective selves that we were designed to be.

Prayer: Lord, help us to manage our strengths well, Amen

He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: “Lord, don’t trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof.  That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed.  For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, “I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.”  Then the men who had been sent returned to the house and found the servant well.

Luke 7:6-10

Here we see the story of the Roman centurion who was requesting healing for his servant. He was recommended by Jesus’ disciples as a good man who had helped build a synagogue. When he encountered Jesus, he showed faith, humility and wisdom.

Jesus marveled in the fact that this Roman showed more faith than the Jews to whom Jesus had been teaching. I am guessing that this was both a rebuke to the Jews in the town, and an affirmation to a person who did not have a rich faith tradition.

It seems to work that way in the gospels, doesn’t it. That is the paradox of those who were to follow Jesus. People of various states and backgrounds were drawn to Jesus, not by the roots of faith tradition, but through humility and openness.

We need simple trust and humility to gain access to the riches of God’s grace.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for such powerful examples like the Roman centurion, Amen

“The servant who knows what his master wants and ignores it, or insolently does whatever he pleases, will be thoroughly thrashed. But if he does a poor job through ignorance, he’ll get off with a slap on the hand. Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!                                Luke 12:48 (The Message)

I recently looked at some statistics on charitable giving. Statistics can be interpreted in many different ways, so keep that in mind as I make some sweeping generalizations. I looked at giving in the United States, and I would encourage my international readers to check on giving patterns in your country. By the way, thank you again for my readers in Ireland, Canada, Germany Sweden, South Africa, Belgium, China, and India- as well as several other countries. I appreciate you!

The Bible states that to whom much is given, much is required. So true! Yet consistently, people in lower income brackets tend to give disproportionately more than their wealthy counterparts. Why is that? Probably a lot of reasons. People who attend churches which encourage a tithe may give a high proportion of their income- perhaps 10%.

Another possible explanation is that people with limited means understand the value of helping others who struggle with fewer resources. Those making less than $50,000 a year give more in relation to total income than those in all other income ranges except the highest earners.

Whatever the explanation, know that America is a generous country. Despite political and cultural diversions that tend to divide us, the American people give consistently to charitable causes that move them.

So, my dear friends, keep giving like somebody’s life depends on it.

That may well be the case.

Prayer: Lord, help us to continue to care for your people, Amen

When Jesus came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him.  A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”                                                                                                                                        Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.                                                                     Luke 8:1-3

The rules were clear in the Torah. If a clean person touched one who was unclean, the clean person was tainted- he became unclean. These legal interpretations of Hebrew scripture were meant to safeguard the Chosen People of God. Thus the need to expel lepers from the community, lest they touch clean members and render them unclean.

Of course, these hygienic laws did serve a purpose, but they eventually became burdensome and even deadly to some of the community. Jesus came to explain fully what was clean and what was unclean. Jesus explained that clean was not about external hygiene, but rather a matter of cleanness of heart. Yes, cleanliness is important, but it should not be exclusionary to others. Their strict interpretations had caused them to miss the bigger picture. You know, sort of a “forest and trees” kind of problem.

Jesus demonstrated this very tenderly when he saw a leper, and touched him. All of a sudden, the law was turned upside down. The clean one, Jesus, touched the unclean one, the leper, and the unclean became clean.  Jesus was not tainted, but the leper was healed, and became whole again.

The Pharisees were just doing their job, adhering strictly to the letter of the law. But Jesus had said, “I did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. The Pharisees had missed the Spirit of the law by strictly adhering to the letter.

Jesus had come to explain a law of grace.

Some still miss that today.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your law of love, mercy and forgiveness, Amen

Then, teaching them more about prayer, he used this illustration: “Suppose you went to a friend’s house at midnight, wanting to borrow three loaves of bread. You would shout up to him, ‘A friend of mine has just arrived for a visit and I’ve nothing to give him to eat.’ ⁷ He would call down from his bedroom, ‘Please don’t ask me to get up. The door is locked for the night and we are all in bed. I just can’t help you this time.’                                                                 

 “But I’ll tell you this—though he won’t do it as a friend, if you keep knocking long enough, he will get up and give you everything you want—just because of your persistence.  And so it is with prayer—keep on asking and you will keep on getting; keep on looking and you will keep on finding; knock and the door will be opened.  Everyone who asks, receives; all who seek, find; and the door is opened to everyone who knocks

Luke 11:5-10 (Living)

I always wondered about the need for persistence in prayer. We often approach God in desperation, pleading for His positive answer to our requests. God seems to be saying that we must be persistent in our prayers, but is that to change His mind or ours?  

I believe that persistence in prayer is not about changing God’s mind somehow. I think that might be the height of hubris- that this mere mortal, by his persistence, can change the mind of God.  I trust that God wants what is best for me regardless of my selfish requests. Prayer is about changing, or challenging, my mind on whatever I am requesting.

I think rather, that the discipline of talking with God hones our own spirit to be more in line with His Spirit. That prayer, because it is communication, is a way to get closer to God.

I think that is the point of prayer.

Prayer: Thank you for the access to you in simple prayer, Amen

And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong                                                                                      James 3:4

I recently saw some clients in marriage counseling, and I asked them, “What is one little thing you would like to change in your relationship?” I emphasized “little thing” because I meant, a little thing- some small behavior that one of the partners would like to change in her/himself, or in the partner.

After some thought, each partner came up with a little request. They did a great job in naming a small behavior that they would like to be different. I encouraged them with this tried-and-true counseling statement – change one thing, change everything.  

What that means is, changing one small behavior has a cascading effect on the relationship. One small change means that the person is committed to a different way of connecting. One small change means that larger change is possible. One small, consistent behavior change means that everything can actually improve.

So, to change one thing, one very small thing, has big implications for growth and change!

Prayer: Lord, give us trust in small changes to make big differences, Amen

“You men who are fathers—if your boy asks for bread, do you give him a stone? If he asks for fish, do you give him a snake?  If he asks for an egg, do you give him a scorpion? Of course not!                                                                                                                                                               Luke 11:11-12 (Living)

I recently had a discussion with a client about his anxiety, which can play out as irritability and anger toward his children when they misbehave. Every parent can relate to responses to children who have displayed defiant or disrespectful behavior.

We are NOT happy!

However, this client has been deeply concerned about how his anger and his raised voice affects his children, and will affect them in the future. These are good and thoughtful questions. As we explored his interactions with his kids, he admits that he is hard on them because he is worried about their future. Will they grow up to be reckless and disrespectful adults? Will they get into trouble as adults?

As we discussed this, I pointed out that his anxiety lets his mind “run away” with irrational fears about his children’s future. As he thought about it, he realized that he was thinking of very unlikely catastrophes. His kids are being raised well by he and his wife, but it is a struggle, especially with some special needs kids. He worries about their future.

His anxiety stems from a place of care and concern. He is a good dad, and he wants the best for his children. His discipline measures are for their best future and even current interests, but he has let anxiety run away with his joy.

Anxiety has a way of being a joy robber for all of us. Taking time to breathe, and recognize that our motives are good helps to put anxiety into a little better perspective some times.

Prayer: Lord, help us to take time to breathe to gain perspective on our anxieties, Amen       

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
 He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
 as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

 As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

Psalm 103:8-13

One of the homework assignments that I often give to clients is to read Psalm 103. This Psalm is so reassuring of God’s love for us, and it is especially important for people who grew up with an idea of God as an angry, distant, judging father.

My favorite passage in this Psalm is about God being the father who has “compassion on his children”. The King James version has a lovely translation- “he pities us like little children”. The picture given to me by a friend years ago is that of a father beckoning his toddler, just learning to walk, to come to him. The father knows that the child will probably fail time and again, but he continues to be on his knee, encouraging the child and beckoning her forward. The father does not chastise the child for falling, indeed, he knows that the child is just that, a learning child who will fail time and again in order to learn to walk.

So, our heavenly father is that. A loving father who would have us learn to walk to him, knowing that we will fail often, but that our ultimate destination is the father.

That, I think is the intent of this Psalm. Like I tell my clients, read this often, and learn the nature and character of the father who loves you.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for your patience and loving kindness with us, Amen.