“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light.” Matthew 6:22

In these days of mask wearing, sometimes it takes a second glance before we recognize a friend or acquaintance that we meet on the street. It has always amazed me that we have the ability to identify people just by some slight differences in facial structures. There are billions of people on earth, yet we can recognize familiar faces with just the slightest differences in facial structure.

I will admit that I am just a bit handicapped in that area. I do not discern faces as well as many others do, and therefore I find that I often say to my wife that certain people look very much alike, where she does not see the similarities. It is due to my generalizations about how people look in order to make sure that I can identify faces well. With the advent of more masking in the past two years, my facial clues are diminished, so I must really concentrate upon the eyes of others.

The funny thing is, we can get an awful lot of information from a person’s eyes. One can see a good smile just by looking at the eyes of another. Indeed, the Bible verse is so true, “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light.”

Good eye contact has always been a non-verbal cue that we rely on to determine our ability to connect with another person.

These days, we need it more than ever.

Prayer: Lord, our eyes reflect our inner being. Thank you for that way to connect with others, Amen

“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.  This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.                                                                                                                                                           John 15:11-13

There is an old saying in the rooms of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), and it goes something like this- “It’s Simple, But It May Not be Easy”. I’ve always liked that quote. In fact, the AA community has numerous little sayings, like proverbs, which contain gems of truth.

Jesus, on his last day before he went to a terrible death on the cross for you and me, had a simple request- “Love one another”. Those, if one needs to boil down the Christian faith to three words,  would be the words. Simple, but not easy.  

Loving others is a daily, intentional decision, which is not based upon the behavior of others. It is about the mindset that I have toward others. Jesus did not ask easy things of us. He asks for us to do the things that are right and healing and uplifting. Loving others can be easy at times, but often it is hard. Loving those who don’t show love to us first is hard. Loving others that do not treat us well is hard. Loving others whom we really do not know can be difficult. Yet the dying wish of Jesus was that we love one another.

So, we are all imperfect at this loving one another thing. But just because we are imperfect does not mean that we should not continue to try to love one another. After all, if it were easy, everybody would do it. Because it is hard, we need divine help to really do it well. So, God sent the Holy Spirit to do the things through us that we really cannot do alone. Nonetheless, the command still stands.

Love one another.

Prayer: Lord, help us to love one another, Amen

So, I think I am only going to do one blog on this – probably- because it is not in the mainstream of my typical content. Yet, there come times when an issue arises in the public forum that demands that we weigh in on it. If I remain silent on it, I am sure that I will regret it. So, I am simply stating my case about vaccination.

If I had to sum it up in one sentence, it would be this- vaccination is not a political issue. It is a social and medical issue to be sure, and I could argue that it is a moral issue. However, my point is, for those who are opposed to vaccination, let me be clear that you have every right to decide whether or not to be vaccinated. Thank God, we live in a country where we can make those choices. That being said, choices have consequences. You may have an employer who requires employees to be vaccinated. That is the right of the employer.  

My plea to those who choose not to be vaccinated is this- please follow science and not politics. That’s it. If you decide not to be vaccinated, and there are those who make that choice in an informed way based upon their own health, I think that is completely fine. But please, follow science and your own health situation in that decision.

 I implore people to look at the data, which at this point overwhelmingly shows that vaccination saves lives- both the vaccinated, and those with whom they come in contact. Hospital admissions, and deaths from COVID-19, again, overwhelmingly point to the efficacy of the vaccination, and the peril of those who are not vaccinated.

Finally, those hospitals, overrun by unvaccinated COVID -19 patients, are causing rationing of care for ALL patients. Many unnecessary deaths are occurring. And that is why I must write this. To have a strong belief about what is right, and to not state it, will cause one to have everlasting regret. I have said my piece here because I feel compelled to do so. It is because I want people to be healthy and free that I write this.

You may disagree with my stance, and believe me, I am completely fine with that. What I am not fine with is making vaccination something other than what it is.

Vaccination is not a political opinion. It is a social and medical imperative.

“And so I am giving a new commandment to you now—love each other just as much as I love you. Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”            John 13:34-35

One of the tools I use in relationship counseling is the idea of “checking in” with a partner. I suggest that each partner periodically ask this question of the other. This is a very simple, yet often subtly profound exercise. The process is this- periodically, ask your partner, “Are you doing OK?” Or simply, “You OK?”

Sometimes it is simply a random question, for no reason other than wanting to know how your partner is. It might come at a time when there has been a little stress or tension, or maybe when there has been silence for a while. Or it may just come at any time, sort of “out of the blue”.

The point is, one partner has asked the other about their emotional place at that moment. It shows care and concern, and it speaks way more than the little phrase may say on the surface. This little technique is so simple as almost to not merit discussion. Yet, the simplest little acts of reaching out are often profound ways to demonstrate caring.

My wife is really good at this. It just comes naturally and honestly to her, yet it means a lot when she asks. So, it has become part of our routine- our thing, if you will. It is certainly not exclusively “our thing”, and I hope that this little check in becomes part of “your thing” in relationships. It means a lot.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the simple things in life, which often are the profound things in life, Amen.

Just as there are many parts to our bodies, so it is with Christ’s body. We are all parts of it, and it takes every one of us to make it complete, for we each have different work to do. So we belong to each other, and each needs all the others.                                                                                                                                            Romans 12:4-5

On our trip to Italy, we visited the beautiful cities of Florence, Siena, and Rome. Each of those ancient cities are saturated with art, done by some of the most brilliant artists the world has ever produced.

The Piazza del Campo in Siena is a huge area, and it is the home of a famous horse race, the Palio di Siena, which pits each of the seventeen contrade (neighborhoods, but more than that really) of the city against one another. Actually, there is a lottery to pick ten of the seventeen contrade to participate in the race. Each contrade has its own flag, its own traditions, and there is a great rivalry about the race.  It is run twice each summer, coinciding with feast days which honor the Madonna of Provenzanzo, and the feast of the Assumption of Mary. The event has been going on annually for a shade over four centuries, so there has been time to build up some rivalry.

While we were in the area near the Piazza one day, we heard loud singing. It was joyful and hearty. I had to check it out. Upon turning a corner in a small alley (there are only thousands of them in Siena it seems), I saw a group of young men standing on tables, drinking wine straight from the bottle, and celebrating some type of event. Maybe it was a bachelor party, or maybe a college fraternity. Maybe they were simply celebrating that it was Tuesday- who knows. The point was that they were exuberant in their expression. Besides that, they sang in unison, on tune, and at the top of their lungs.

I loved it.

The free expression of emotion seems to be an enduring trait in Italy. Uninhibited singing, expressive hand gestures, a gusto for life. Those are some of the things I appreciated on our trip. The art was spectacular, the ancient Roman technology was unsurpassed, but the people were just fascinating.

Traveling gives us perspective on other cultures. We learn to appreciate differences, and celebrate those differences. That sounds like a good idea, whether we travel five thousand miles, or five blocks.  

Prayer: Lord you have made us in your image, yet so different in expressions of it. Help us to appreciate the differences, Amen

Dear friend, when you extend hospitality to Christian brothers and sisters, even when they are strangers, you make the faith visible. They’ve made a full report back to the church here, a message about your love. It’s good work you’re doing, helping these travelers on their way, hospitality worthy of God himself!                                                                                                                                                             III John 1:5-6

I hope you have enjoyed some of my old blogs while I was away. My time off from the blog was the result of a vacation. Vacation was wonderful, but I am also glad to be back! My wife and I, along with my daughter and son-in-law, went on a long anticipated trip to Italy. I could not possibly convey all the things we experienced there because it was truly a cultural as well as an educational venture. I will just cover a few highlights, and I hope to expand them into a format that allows you to see some of the insights I was given.

As we travel to new places, and especially to places where the language and customs are different, we become more vulnerable. The things to which we have become accustomed are often no longer available. We become dependent on others for help in getting directions, as well as learning the way things are done in another culture. Simple kindnesses from others become larger than we may have expected were we not in that more vulnerable state.

I give as an example a small thing that illustrates the point. On our flight from Paris to Florence, the flight attendant was very busy, trying to please so many passengers in a short amount of time. I saw that as she was serving the drinks off the cart that time was running thin since the flight is not a very long one. I was actually feeling a little stress for her as she went down the aisle, patiently serving her guests. She wore a smile that could be seen even with a mask. She was attentive, giving time and consideration to each of us as if there were all the time in the world available. She even took the time to offer us encouragement about our concern about later airport connections.

A small thing. I am quite certain that she had no idea that she had made an impact on us, because this is simply what she does. She serves people with grace and kindness. But like I said earlier, when we are a little more vulnerable, we see things in a different light. Her kindness to a traveling stranger WAS noticed. I wonder how often we take for granted some little kindness given that may deeply affects others.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the mercy and kindness of strangers, Amen

Jesus wept.                                                                                                                                                                  John 11:35

Human tears are another of those incredible, intricate gifts of creation. I am continually amazed by what I learn about things we simply seem to take for granted. Tears, for example are more than a salty liquid which indicates our deep emotions. In fact, there are three kinds of tears. One type is for lubricating our precious eyes as a protection against foreign elements and dryness. A second type is a “response tear”. If you have peeled an onion or had smoke get into your eyes, you are familiar with “response tears”.  Finally, there is the type of tear which gets the most attention. It is the emotional tear.

I have read that there are hormones and enzymes in emotional tears which are actually healing when released by crying. Our tears are therapeutic. Indeed, many of my clients will become tearful in sessions, and note that they feel better after the release of crying. Crying is actually good for us, yet we men often go to great lengths to try to suppress the expression of those tears.

Sometimes at movies, I have been known to try to suppress crying. Once, at the end of Les Misérables my neck and chin actually hurt from trying to suppress my emotional response. Yes, that was kind of a dumb thing to do, but hey, I’m a guy.

Seriously though, I do not tend to cry easily, and maybe that is good or maybe not. I do think that the process of crying can be healthy. People often apologize for crying in public. I understand that this shows vulnerability, but it does not show weakness.

Tears are an amazing part of our bodily make-up. Maybe we should celebrate that a little more.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be in touch with the emotions you gave us, and more freely express them, Amen.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”                                                                                               John 8:32 (NIV)

Often when I see clients, I give them a few gestures to explain the value of expressing thoughts and feelings to others. I put my forefingers up to my forehead, and I make a gesture moving those fingers away from my head forward and outward. While I do this, I say to them, “the healing thing is to get stuff out of here and out to there”. The meaning of course is, those hidden, nagging things that are rolling around in our head can cause confusion and anxiety. We need to validate those bound up things (for the most part) with others, and unburden ourselves from those thoughts that have taken on so much more power than they really should. When those thoughts and feelings hit the light of day and the ears of caring listeners, healing can happen.

Talking to others can free us, as can other expressive outlets like art, music, dance, writing- you name it. Getting it out of our head into the light of the world around us sets us free. So, whatever medium strikes you- and there are many- make sure to express those thoughts and feelings that can bind us.

The truth of expression sets us free.  

Prayer: Thank you Lord for making us relational beings. This allows us to be healers to one another, Amen.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us                                                                                                                                                                                            Hebrews 12:1

Since I am a baseball guy, I have this image of a baseball player, maybe an aging outfielder playing what may be his last game. He knows it, maybe others do too, maybe they don’t. But he is on the field on October 1, the last day of the long season. His team is hopelessly out of the playoffs, and have been for weeks. The game he is playing has no value for either team, both just playing out the string. It is late in the game, his team down by four runs in the eighth inning, and fans, the few that showed up, have mostly long abandoned this contest.

The pitcher winds up and delivers a ball that the batter sends screaming on an arcing line toward the outfield. Runners on first and second move with the hit as it appears to be well out of fielding reach. Our aging outfielder responds immediately, tracking the ball as it soars into the outfield gap, headed for extra bases. He does not give up on it. He tracks it toward the wall, leaps at the ball and makes contact with the ball and the wall at the same time. He crashes down, the ball in his glove. He manages to right himself, and throw the ball into the cut-off man who completes the double play on the stunned runner who had occupied first base.   

The game, that season, are essentially meaningless, and those around him have essentially given up on it. The fans had mostly left, and the game meant nothing in the standings, yet he poured himself out on the last play of his last game ever.

This is the scenario I think about when I think about effort- effort to the end. The aging fielder is doing his very best to the very end, no matter what others thought about the meaning of it. It meant everything to him.

That dear readers, is how I want to go out. How about you?

Prayer: Lord, help us to finish strong, doing the right thing for the right reasons, Amen.

and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32 (Living Bible)

I was speaking with a colleague recently about the privilege we have as counselors to be able to help people to speak their truth into existence. What I mean by that is, sharing a difficult experience, or letting go of a shameful experience, into the light of day with another human being is freeing. Often, we as counselors have the privilege of being that “trusted person” to whom a client relates a deep, painful part of their life so as to free them from the bondage of secrecy.

Once we can release that deeply held information, perhaps hidden due to shame or guilt or some other reason, we become free of the shackles of the secret. I call that speaking truth into existence so that it is no longer the shameful darkness which needs to be hidden. Rather, the unburdening process becomes the fact of life that makes us human.

Everyone has some kind of darkness in them, large or small. Sharing deeply held beliefs, or even traumatic events, frees the mind and soul. To the extent that we can bring such events into the light of day, there is freedom for all.

It does not need to be a counselor with whom people share such closely held parts of us. A safe, trusted partner, friend, confidant is essential for maintaining a healthy soul.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the plan to give light to chase away darkness, Amen.