For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.                                                                                                                         Psalm 139:13-16

Sitting in church today got me thinking. I know, you’re right, one should be thinking when they are at church. My thoughts ran to our marvelous gift of human senses, and how they are stimulated in church. The worship music of course involves our hearing. The spoken word of the pastor also involves hearing. Truly though, all of our senses are involved in the process of meeting together at church. Even the sense of taste when we share communion together.

The Catholic Church of my youth could not be equaled in how it appealed to not only sight and sound, but smell. Those great lingering smells of incense take one to a different place in the mind- a deep place that is always remembered. The wooden pews in old Catholic churches have soaked up that incense smell over decades (in some cases, centuries), and they render that church a repository of stored memories. Incense is supposed to represent our offerings going up to God, symbolized in the smoke- a sweet smell in God’s nostrils as it were.

In older churches, stained glass windows caused a visual reaction of beauty as well as teaching. The art and sculptured statues also stimulated our visual sense, and the beauty was gratifying- a fitting offering of such talents to God by the artists who created them.

The sense of touch, or rather the relative absence of it due COVID-19 responses, saddens me. When meeting friends, do we shake hands, fist bump, hug, nod from a proper distance? I am by nature a hugger, and there is, naturally, some hesitancy to hug. I also was a big handshaker. I know that this is probably the biggest germ spreader one can indulge in, even in non-COVID days. But old habits are hard to break, especially when you don’t want to break them!

Yes, church affords a wealth of responses from our entire being. That is how it should be, I think.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the gift of our senses. Such incalculable wealth we have! Amen

I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.                                      Ephesian 4:2-3

The laws of physics govern all of our physical actions. I am struck by the fact that those laws also are in play in how we relate to one another. You see, it takes energy to generate warmth. That is a physical law as well as a relational law. One needs to be intentional in order to generate those actions which can show warmth to another person.

As I have discussed in earlier blogs, warmth can be defined as effective non-verbal communication. Eye contact, smiles, gestures, body posture, and personal distance all play into the conveyance of warmth. Warmth can also be communicated by words, but whether it is verbal, or non-verbal, or both, it takes energy to generate the warmth. In other words, it costs something to reach out beyond our personal space to another person.

I have talked with clients who assume that their partner needs to be the one to be first to reach out to extend warm connections. There are many contextual reasons for such thinking, but I point out that such thinking is like expecting a fireplace to produce heat without first stoking it with wood. It costs some energy to generate warmth, but that is exactly the need for maintaining relationships.

Are we willing to pay that price?

Prayer: Lord, you have made us relational beings, needing warmth. Help us to give warmth to those whom we love, Amen

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.                                                                                            Luke 15:20

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us Romans 5:8

The final part of this discussion about the prodigal sons deals with the father. He is the central figure here because the whole point of the parable, indeed this whole chapter of Luke’s gospel, is seeking and finding the lost ones. That is, all of humankind- we are lost without a redeemer.

I love the verse quoted above- “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.                                                                                           

The father did not meet his errant son with a lecture. He didn’t shame his son by saying, “I told you to listen to my counsel, but no, you had to do it your way and now look at you!” The father was so glad to see his son restored, he ran to greet his son. He went to get him, even before he got home.

The picture here is how God made the plan to send his son Jesus to earth to redeem a fallen world, even before the world really knew it needed him. The father chose to celebrate his returning son, not to shame him. While the son felt unworthy, the father made it clear that his son did not need to assume a position of shame. His position had been restored, just as if he had never left.

I see so many clients who feel unworthy of love and affection because of some past behaviors. Some feel unloved because love was never properly shown to them as they were growing up. The story of the prodigal son is a lesson for all of us. We are welcomed by a loving father who seeks us, even before we know we need to be found.

Prayer: Lord, you show us how to love others by demonstrating it to us. Help us to be good ambassadors of your plans, Amen.

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate Luke 15:22-24

Yesterday I talked about the older son in the “Prodigal Story”. Today, we look at the younger son. Much has been written about this young man, and I have seen many clients who have their own “prodigal child” story. Seeing a child make poor decisions is heartbreaking and gives parents a feeling of helplessness.

It seemed a bit surprising to me that the father quickly acceded to his young son’s rash request to “give me my share of the estate”. There is a world of context that one might project on to this request, but I will try not to read minds here. The young son had a plan, and he wanted to gratify those plans right away. Likely, he had a history of rash decisions and lack of discipline, but who knows.

It took a little while before his bad decisions caught up with him, but, such things inevitably happen. We reap what we sow. When the runaway son really saw the poor state that he was in, he began to think rationally again. Prior to that, I’m guessing his pride and his denial prevented such rational thinking. However, there usually comes a time when we can no longer hide from our circumstances.

 Fortunately, the son saw what a blessing he had left behind- a loving father who would take him back. He also decided to come back with a humble spirit. He would only ask his father to take him back as a servant since he felt unworthy to be called his son anymore.

Once again, the father’s response was graceful. There was never a question that his son was always his son. Nothing can stop a loving father from loving his kids! “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate

Such is God’s love for his children, whom he always seeks to restore.

Prayer: What a lesson Jesus taught in this story. How powerful and reassuring, Amen

“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”                                                                                                                                                                            Luke 15: 31-32

The story of the Prodigal Son is a classic of literature. It speaks truth on many levels, and each of the characters in the story deserves a study on his own. There was the younger son who was restless and immature, and who had no idea of delayed gratification (the “prodigal”). There was the loving, patient and forgiving father who accommodated his son’s request by splitting the inheritance between his older son and the younger, more impulsive son.  Finally, there was the industrious, faithful, but unforgiving older son.

Today, I want to look at the older son. From his point of view, he seemed to have a jealousy of his younger brother.  In effect he said, “Why does dad favor that sinning, loser of a son with a party while I have been faithful all these years. I never left his side, but he never threw me a party. I work hard all the time, but dad throws a big party for that sinner son who has disgraced our family in the community!”

We see his sense of entitlement, his lack of forgiveness, and a lack of joy for the restoration of his younger brother. The older brother becomes the villain of the piece. Once again, Jesus turns the table on our expectations. The younger brother, the failure who returned home in shame, is lifted up by his father and celebrated as being restored. The father rejoices. The older son smolders.

Before we judge the older brother too harshly, we need to see that his attitude is not unlike ours at times. We may be quick to judge, and not see perhaps that such judgment comes out of our own sense of entitlement, or our perceived lack of affirmation by others.

I loved the way that the father responds to the older son. “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

The father’s response was similar in tone to his acceptance of the younger son- loving and understanding. The father had loving responses to both his sons because he loved them both, even when they disappointed him.

What a picture of God we see here.

Tomorrow, a look at the younger son.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the lessons Jesus gave of forgiveness, and his understanding of our nature, Amen.

For I cried to him and he answered me! He freed me from all my fears.  Others too were radiant at what he did for them. Theirs was no downcast look of rejection!  This poor man cried to the Lord—and the Lord heard him and saved him out of his troubles.  For the Angel of the Lord guards and rescues all who reverence him.                                          Psalm 34:4-7

You’re walking over a bridge, feeling fine, no particular worries on your mid that you are aware of, and you are seized with the thought that you might just have this uncontrollable urge to jump. You don’t want to jump. In fact, you are scared to death by the idea of jumping over that rail. So you ask yourself, “Why did I have that feeling? Is there something wrong with me? I better never let anyone know that I had that fleeting thought!”

And such is the nature of some manifestations of anxiety. It makes no sense. Indeed, anxiety is defined as irrational fears. Worry is one thing. It usually has a focus of something in our lives that is a fear, a concern- maybe fear that we will lose our job, so that we can’t pay those upcoming bills. Anxiety takes that worry to the exponential level. The worry about losing a job goes to “I’m going to become homeless”.

I have spoken with a number of clients who deal with anxiety, and often they had never shared that they have some of those weird thoughts. Like those bridge thoughts, or even others just as frightening. It scares them, and they think that they are mentally ill, maybe even evil. Anxiety has seized their rational thinking at that point. When they are able to express those dark thoughts to a trusted person, anxiety is lessened- sometimes to a great extent. Getting in touch with truth does set us free.

We are beset by things we do not understand. I don’t know why anxiety is a self-destructive presence in our lives, but it is. It is almost like it has a life of its own. As I have stated before, it becomes an unwanted traveling partner.

So, getting those thoughts out of our head and into a safer space is therapeutic. The truth does set us free!

Prayer: Lord, you have promised that we can trust you with our fears and worries. Thank you for that reassurance, Amen

Hot tempers start fights; a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace

Proverbs 15:18 (The Message)

We can learn a lot from sports. One of the things that great athletes can do- indeed must learn to do- is to slow things down. When a rookie comes into a professional sport, he or she must learn to control the excitement of their emotions in order to perform at the top of their game. The rush of adrenaline they feel when they walk onto the field, court or arena, must be channeled and kept under control. Some athletes say that they need to “let the game come to them” or a similar phrase that means, “I need to be in control of my emotions and concentrate everything I have into my performance”.

In a similar way, I tell my clients to try to slow things down in the heat of the moment. Taking control of breathing, for example, allows us to focus on the facts and truth rather than the emotional thoughts that might lead us astray.

Recently, I talked with a client about how he gets defensive with his wife during disagreements. He can hear her words at the moment and immediately fill in a blank that she might not have intended. However, because of his past experiences, he tends to interpret her words as indictments of his ability. He knows the truth, but in the heat of the moment, he makes a leap in logic to old untruths.

Just like slow-motion replay in sports helps us to slow down the action and see the truth of the on-field decision, we may need to find our own ways of slowing down the action in our mind to see the truth that we need.

Prayer: Lord, help us to slow down to better see truth, Amen

He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’ “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain.  And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’                                          Luke 12:17-19

While reading in the book of Luke, chapter 12, I came to this parable about the “rich fool”. I was struck by the harsh and immediate judgment this character got. He was admiring his latest abundant crop, and he was thinking about how he could use this as a nest egg so that he could just kick back and enjoy life.  

The point of this parable was not that it is wrong to save up for the days when we are not able to earn enough to live on. Saving money is always a good idea I think. But this fellow seems to embody a person whose first and only thought is for themselves and their own well-being.

The parable was given in response to someone who had pleaded with Jesus to judge a brother who would not share his inheritance. Jesus took the opportunity to say that he was not going to judge in that particular case, but he used it as a jumping off point to illustrate the problem of greed.

Our rich farmer in the parable had wealth, and he was going to be getting even more when his bumper crop came in. His first and only thought was about serving himself, building bigger barns, and taking it easy the rest of his life. Little did he know that such thinking was the last earthly planning he would be doing!

In the times that Jesus walked the earth, there were some very wealthy folks, but mostly there were people who were barely scraping by. The listeners to this parable must have been thinking about their own situation, and how greed begets greed. They may even have been rooting for the rich man to “get what he deserves”.

 Yet this parable is for all, both rich and poor. Generosity is more a state of mind than a function of giving large amounts of money. If that rich man’s first thought had been to consider how he could alleviate the suffering of another person with his wealth, I’m fairly certain that he would not have been the teaching example of the parable. It would not have mattered how much he chose to give to help, it was just the idea of needing to think about how he could be a good steward of such wealth. Jesus was commenting, I believe, on this man’s failed state of mind- of hoarding more for himself than considering the needs of others.

Prayer: Lord, you expect us to be good stewards of all we have been given. Thank you for that way of looking at life, Amen

…You’ll never run out of material.”                                                                             John Jung

“I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member.”                                                                   Groucho Marx

All the days of the afflicted are bad,
but one with a cheerful heart has a continual feast                                                                                 Proverbs 15:15

If we are willing to laugh at ourselves, we will never run out of material. Yes, it is true, and it is a principle of good mental and emotional health. Learning to “not take ourselves too seriously” is a key to contentment, and a tool for continual renewal.

Laughter at ourselves is healthy, refreshing, and it takes the edge off of trying to be perfect. It is far better to be aware of our own mistakes, foibles and quirks than to be blind to them, only to have to have someone else point them out to us. If they do, we might become defensive- especially if at the core we know it is true. Don’t you just hate that?

Sometimes anxiety says to us- (remember, I said in an earlier blog that anxiety is our traveling partner, so we might as well get used to it)- “you should have thought of that”; or “that’s not gonna work”; or “this project will be a disaster”; or “if people find out how incompetent you are…”

I remember telling my interns a story when I was supervising them.

Many years ago, I had just taken a new job at Miami County Mental Health Center, having come from work at the state hospital as a social worker. I realized that I had a huge learning curve in working in a community mental health setting.  My work at the state hospital had been difficult, but it was a very different challenge in this new setting. I thought to myself “If they have any idea how incompetent I am here, they will surely fire me”. And I laughed. It was not true, really. I mean, I was incompetent, they would just never get the chance to find out!

My interns usually laughed, and also felt great relief. Because that is exactly how they felt too at the time. My willingness to laugh at myself, and then share it, gave relief to a common anxiety- “I will be found out as a fraud”.  The truth was, we weren’t frauds, just inexperienced, and we knew it. But laughing about it defused it, normalized it, and we could get on with the business of learning, not worrying.

So, laughter is good, especially when we can see it in ourselves. Like I said, we’ll never run out of material.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the gift of laughter. It is healing to our body and soul, Amen

Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Then the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?” “A staff,” he replied.The Lord said, “Throw it on the ground.”…

Exodus 4:1-4

I had an opportunity again this week to use Moses as an example for one of my clients. The situation was when Moses was at the “burning bush”, where he received his call to free the Israelites from Egyptian oppression.

No one knew better than Moses the power and might of Egypt. Moses had grown up in the splendor of the Pharaoh’s court, and he was acquainted with the cruelty and crushing military power of Egypt. God was challenging Moses to be the man to lead his people out of slavery and into the Promised Land. Moses, quite naturally, I think, resisted God’s direct call, pleading that he was no match for the Egyptian might.

God agreed that Moses was not up to the task, nor was anyone acting alone, but with God’s power on his side, Moses could do anything. Moses was not convinced until God showed Moses the amazing, miraculous power of his simple shepherd’s staff –the one he held in his hand- the one he took for granted.

After God showed Moses what He could do with even a simple shepherd’s crook, Moses came to see the truth of God’s call. With God’s might, even Moses could overcome the incredible odds he faced at the hands of Pharaoh’s armies.   

We have all we need in our hand, even when we do not see it.

Prayer: Help us see what we have when we lean on your power through us, Amen