Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.                                            John 15:13

Or so they say. I treat a lot of clients who suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Briefly, the most common understanding of this disorder is that people who have been exposed to significant traumatic events are prone to be affected in a negative way, and we have diagnosed this as PTSD.

Earlier this century, this phenomenon was identified in soldiers who fought in World War I. The phenomenon became known as “shell shock”. There was good reason for that since high explosive shells were used extensively in that war, not only for their destructive power, but for their intimidation effect. The constant and deafening roar of the explosions caused soldiers to literally become psychotic. Many never really returned to reality. Their system had been completely overwhelmed.

When World War II came around, the term then became “combat fatigue”. Constant exposure to violence, and threat of violence, as well as the experience of seeing people die all around one caused the reaction.

When the Vietnam War came in the 60’s and 70’s, a new term appeared- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Since then, we have come to understand that the definition of PTSD has been expanded to not only those who are victims of violence and threat, but those who are witness to such devastations.

Front-line first responders are, by definition, potentially diagnosable with PTSD.  Even though most first responders would shrug off the label, they nonetheless are affected by those traumatic events which they encounter.

We expect that those servants will continue to serve others despite the trauma they witness. So do they. Those first-responders will say “It’s part of the job, we just keep on”. And they do. But it comes with a price.

So, to our first responders (including my beloved two children who are in the very center of trauma every day), I say thank you. There cannot be love without sacrifice, and they show their love through sacrifice every day.  

Prayer: Lord, protect those who protect us every day, Amen

We can justify our every deed, but God looks at our motives.                                Proverbs 21:2

One of the concepts I often discuss with clients is the concept “unable or unwilling?” Especially in relationship problems, this question needs to be asked- “Is your partner unable or unwilling to make the changes you would like?” If they feel that the partner is unwilling to make some changes for the sake of the relationship, that is a whole other dynamic than if that partner is unable to make those changes. Are we asking someone to do something that they are simply not capable of doing, or are they simply being selfish and stubborn?

Just the idea of giving consideration to motives, and the past experiences and abilities of the partner helps to give some empathic approach to the situation.  Perhaps the partner in the relationship is doing about the best they can, but lack the skills and temperament to be the “ideal partner” one had hoped for.

The idea is to ask the client to consider that, maybe their partner is trying hard, but she/he is not capable of the type of responses one would like. Perhaps we will never know what those limits are, bit it is always good to ask for the client to consider giving the benefit of the doubt.

Prayer: Lord, give us the patience and wisdom to ask the questions about ability to change versus stubborn resistance. Amen

But the exact day and hour? No one knows that, not even heaven’s angels, not even the Son. Only the Father knows.

 “The Arrival of the Son of Man will take place in times like Noah’s. Before the great flood everyone was carrying on as usual, having a good time right up to the day Noah boarded the ark. They knew nothing—until the flood hit and swept everything away.

 “The Son of Man’s Arrival will be like that: Two men will be working in the field—one will be taken, one left behind; two women will be grinding at the mill—one will be taken, one left behind. So stay awake, alert. You have no idea what day your Master will show up. But you do know this: You know that if the homeowner had known what time of night the burglar would arrive, he would have been there with his dogs to prevent the break-in. Be vigilant just like that. You have no idea when the Son of Man is going to show up.                                                                                                                                         Matthew 24:36-44 (The Message)

There has always been speculation in the Christian community about the “second coming”, when Jesus will return to earth, and prophecies will be fulfilled. There are many people who speculate on when those “end times” will be, and they point to events that certainly indicate (they believe) that the end times are near. Of course, through the centuries, there have been many events that people could point to as “inevitable signs” of the imminent fulfillment of those prophecies.

Interestingly, Jesus did not seem to put much focus on that event. He said that no one knew, except the Father, when those end times would come. He typically told people, and gave stories about, “occupying well” until that end time comes.

I find it a bit disturbing that people are so intent on looking for that great “end time” event when Jesus will come again. Didn’t Jesus essentially say, “Don’t worry about an event that you cannot know, keep serving and loving people right now where you are”. In the prayer he taught his disciples, Jesus instructed us by saying “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven”.

I understand that to mean that we are to not simply wait until the earth is fulfilled (or destroyed, based upon your interpretation), but we are to work to bring “heaven to earth”. That is, we are to endeavor, through our transformed lives and relationships, to demonstrate what that future Kingdom can look like here on earth.

We will never be able to make the earth “heaven”. We are all quite clear on that! But didn’t Jesus challenge us to try, in our own little way, to make the earth a little better place for those we share the planet with?

So, rather than spending time waiting and speculating on an event whose time we will never know, isn’t it better to ask, “How can I make this present time better for those around me?”

Prayer: Lord, you have given us opportunities to bring Kingdom principles to earth. Help us to focus on what is right before us, Amen

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.  Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.                     I Corinthians 13:11-12

How does your faith grow? Are you in the same place now in your faith as you were 10, 20, maybe 30 years ago? As we grow, we have a different understanding of the faith that guides us. Jesus never changes, but our understanding of him certainly does- or it should.

We have, over our lives, (admittedly, some of us have lived longer than others!), changed in our understanding of God.  We have seen much and experienced much, and through those lenses, we see God acting in the world.

God is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow, but we are not. We grow in our understanding of God. So, I challenge my readers. Do you see God the same way today as you did when you were younger? Has your faith evolved as you have grown in wisdom and grace?

Prayer: Lord, help us to see you clearly, even if we see you differently than we did when we were young, Amen

I was talking with a client the other day and we were discussing his new job and some of his anxiety about starting a new job. I normalized the anxiety of a new job as a natural expectation. We discussed a little bit of the Imposter Syndrome whereby one falsely believes that she/he is really incapable of doing the job, and it is only a matter of time until others find this out. This is typically a form of “new job” anxiety, and it is common, though often not openly discussed.

I then asked him why he thought that his employer hired him. He told me that they probably saw his drive and determination to do a good job. I agreed, knowing him, that this was likely true. I then pointed out to him things he had told me that he had said in the interview- things like, “I will be honest and let you know if there is something I don’t understand or that I can’t do”.

I pointed out to this client that one of the reasons that they hired him was because they saw his character and values. “They can teach you whatever skills you might lack”, I said, “but they cannot teach character and values. Those are things that you bring to the table that they see in you.”  

It was always my practice to hire people of character and principle. I could likely teach them the skills they needed (to an extent), but I needed to know that I had an employee with high character.

My client was reassured, and I am glad that he was. He is a man of character and principle, and I am convinced that the company that hired him made a good choice. People starting a new job need honest reassurance, and I am glad that this man sought it out in counseling.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.      I Corinthians 6:19-20                                                               

…”he went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not man-made, that is to say, not a part of this creation”

Hebrews 9:11-12

The writer here is describing the perfect, once-for-all sacrifice that Jesus made for us. He later contrasts this with the system of animal sacrifice which was practiced by the Jews.  Jesus made the perfect sacrifice because he did not need to repeat the cleansing over and over again.

We know that in this life, our actions must be repeated day after day in order to maintain the intended results. We need to brush our teeth, shower, clean the house, and maintain the car, etc. regularly so that our health, and our stuff, is maintained and functional. We need to do this because of the temporal nature of our bodies and our stuff. Left to our own natural processes, we will break down, get dirty, fall into disrepair, and eventually die. This is one of the laws of nature- according to our physicist friends –“bodies tend to go to a higher level of disorder” on their own. In other words, we decay. We can delay that process for some period of time with regular care and repair, but we need to repeat that maintenance function all the time, and even then, we cannot stave off death forever. 

Animal sacrifices needed to be done over and over because they were “of this creation” and insufficient. Nothing that is from “this creation” is sufficient to stave off death because created things cannot do eternal things on their own.

Jesus however, not being created, (only in the earthly body he took on) could do the eternal thing. He could, and did, take on our sins, and he gave up his life “once and for all” so that we could be forgiven, and that we too could have eternal life. His sacrifice only needed to be done once.

Our lesson about this is to understand that we are “bought with a price” (I Cor. 6:20), that we are not “our own”, and that our only available moral response is to submit to the one who paid the price for us.

Prayer: Father, we are always amazed upon the reflection of your plan to have Jesus be the once-for-all price of redemption. Thank you for loving and saving this unworthy soul, Amen” 

But the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and gladly listened to the message. They searched the Scriptures day by day to check up on Paul and Silas’ statements to see if they were really so.                                                                         Acts 17:11 (The Message)

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.                                              John Adams

“If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it yourself”.

Joseph Goebbels

Our pastor yesterday referenced in his sermon the presence of Holocaust deniers as he discussed the role of truth in our life. Of course, we have known of these denialists for many years, but perhaps just knowing that the denialists exist, and that they can continue to spread lies, is too commonplace, too accepted as somehow merely a divergent viewpoint.  As I say to my clients, “Just because you believe something does not make it true”. We have become inured to those who use lies easily and repeatedly to prop up their own image, claims, or beliefs.

Joseph Goebbels, the infamous Nazi propaganda minister said, “If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it yourself”. Unfortunately, this evil genius was correct. He knew the human mind and human nature, and he preyed upon it for the advancement of Nazi ideology.

We have the right to our beliefs, certainly, but we also have the responsibility to diligently check on the veracity of the claims we make. Sometimes we can get carried away with the fervor of our beliefs, but we must have the discipline to make the effort for truth. Facts, indeed, are stubborn things, as John Adams once said.

Paul, commended the Bereans for fact checking him. While he certainly had religious fervor, he also asked people to verify his words and sources to find out why he believed what he did.

I worry about the place of truth in our culture. While facts are, indeed, stubborn things and will persist, will they be drowned by those who persistently lie or misuse those facts? It is best that we be like the Bereans who check out why we believe what we believe, and be open and fearless pursuers of truth.  

Prayer: Lord indeed, the truth, your truth, sets us free, Amen

 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise                                                                        Philippians 4:8

“What is the best thing that has happened for you this week?” That is a question that I often pose to my clients as we begin a session. So often in counseling, people are expecting that counselors will drill into problems areas- “what went wrong” kind of questions. Yes, we do that, but that is not what gives energy. First we need to look at what fresh energy we can bring to our situation.

I think it is important to talk about “what went right?’ Sometimes, clients have to think a bit before they can come up with a positive thing. They have been accustomed to talking about life’s problems, and I want to flip the script, so to speak, to set a different, more positive tone.

Thinking on the good things that have happened allows us to have gratitude for those things. It also encourages us, actually gives us energy, to be able to work on making things better the next week.

I like a strength-based approach in counseling. We bring to bear our strengths to solve problems. We do not deny that problems exist, we just don’t give them top billing.

Prayer: Lord, help us to always see the positives, even in a difficult and painful situation, Amen

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”                                                                                                      Luke 16:10

I recently talked with a client about the shame of addiction, and how hard it is for his spouse to regain trust in him after his acting out in his addiction. I also discussed how that shame gets in the way of rebuilding self-trust. We need to learn to regain trust in ourselves, and this is hard when self-esteem is lowered by past failures.

I talked with him about basic disciplines that he can build in to regain trust in himself. I suggested that he begin by choosing to practice one small discipline in each life area: physical, spiritual, and emotional. The point is that the little disciplines, if done regularly, are like keeping promises to yourself. Self-esteem is based upon keeping those promises to ourself. Our self-esteem is not built by others giving us praise, rather, it is built slowly in our inner self when we learn that we can be counted on to keep the little promises we make to ourselves.

Like I told the client- keep those promises small, measurable and practical. Make sure that the promises are doable. Being trusted in little things makes for a longer-term trust in self.

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep things simple so that we can be people of integrity, Amen

My daughter wrote this story about her grandfather, my dad, on her blog www.traumamom4.com some 2 years ago now. I encourage you to check out this great blog of hers. Meanwhile, I am running this beautiful story for my blog today, on what would have been Dad’s 116th birthday. Enjoy Pop’s story…

“Here’s $20. Go buy a pitcher of good beer. You deserve it,” he winked as he slipped the crinkled bill into my now husband’s hand. We were two young kids at my cousin’s wedding, standing near the cash bar. We’d just started dating. And he could see the love in our eyes. I was his grandbaby. A tender 20 years old. And he saw the man at my side, who’d really only been there a matter of months, and he’d decided he was already family. Grandpa Jung had a heart a magnitude of order larger than his wallet. If you were in his world, in his sights, you were his family. And he would be sure that you knew it.

Grandpa, or as my dad called (calls) him, “Pop”, in so many ways, is my true north for how I aspire to treat other people. My mother tells a story of meeting Pop for the first time as she found herself sleeping in the family home (in the guest room, of course) early during the time my mother and father were dating. Pop’s response was not one of judgment, but of welcoming her to the family. A hug. A jovial smile. “If she’s good enough for our, Johnny, then she’s family,” I can imagine him saying.

When I was a kid, one of his 11 grandchildren, there was no doubt that he loved us. Grandma and Grandpa lived in Cincinnati, in the home where my father and his siblings grew up. We visited often from our home in a small town about 90 miles away. He greeted us in his button-down shirt and his pants pulled way too high over his round belly. He smelled of Brylcreem and the Goetta that he’d made that morning. He laughed as he hugged us when we walked in the door, the TV on in the background, without fail the Cincinnati Reds playing, or during the off-season, “WKRP in Cincinnati”. He sat in his modest swivel chair and I remember laying at his feet, watching TV with him. If the Reds weren’t playing, we’d play cards…he taught me to love the game of Euchre. But the Reds were life. The players. The history of the game. The bond baseball gave to generations of Jung kids.

Over the years, his hearing declined. Or now that I reflect on it, maybe his hearing just matured in his old age to hear only the things he wanted to hear…the things that made him happy. Maybe he just somehow found a way to not hear the things of this world that made him sad, or upset. He chose, instead, to listen to joy. He’d remain clueless about the content of a conversation until someone mentioned the family or a party. Then all of the sudden, he was keenly aware of every detail.

When they moved into the retirement home, he sat next to an old friend at dinner (or maybe it was a new friend; one could never tell; if he welcomed you in, you were automatically his lifelong friend) who he boldly, and unapologetically, introduced as “Joe, the old alcoholic.” Joe never corrected him. Pop said what he wanted, what he knew. And being the old alcoholic had nothing to do with Pop loving you. It was just a fact. A benign descriptor. No judgment. Just, “Hey, this is Joe. Just so you know, don’t offer him a beer. That’s not in his story right now.” 

Sometimes, as I am talking with a colleague, or a friend, or a patient’s family, I can hear whispers of Pop in my ear. “Ahh! Welcome to the family!”, or “How ‘bout them Reds?” as a way of suggesting that while I don’t know you well, I trust we have something in common. I see Pop challenging me to let go of biases and ignore differences. I hear him laughing and see him hugging everyone in his wake. Just pure love. That was Pop. At least, that’s the Pop that I remember.

And now here we are in 2021, where bias and mistrust are all too often our default; where anger and frustration, judgment and fear dominate our interactions, on social media and face to face. I think Pop would be heartbroken. And I also think Pop would “not hear” a lot of the hate. I think he’d pipe up when someone mentioned the next Catholic festival or family get-together. The rest…he wouldn’t bother to hear.

Pop is hugging Jesus now, and hugging his wife of 61 years, his siblings, his friends…He’s probably playing Euchre with St. Peter and talking trash about the Reds with St. Paul.

Grandpa…Pop…I hope you know that who you were inspires me. That you are exactly the kind of unconditional love we could use right now. If you don’t mind, I’m gonna keep listening to you and keep trying to be more like you. We need you, and your heart, now more than ever. I love you.