Verb: (used without object)

to feel, show, or express grief, sorrow, or regret.

to mourn deeply.

Noun:

an expression of grief or sorrow.

a formal expression of sorrow or mourning, especially in verse or song; an elegy or dirge.                                                                                                       

(Dictionary.com)

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge                                  Psalm 62:8

There are situations in our personal life, and in world events where the only response we have is “lament”. This word is either a noun or a verb, depending on the usage and intent. We can actively lament something e.g., mourning, or have deep regret, for example. We can also be in a “state of lament” and perhaps in that state, express it, as the definition suggests, in a formal way.

Either way, it is important to become aware of this lament and own it. As I have stated before, some emotions come out in ways that are not good indicators of the true feelings inside. For example, fear may come out looking like anger. Sadness may come out as sullenness or withdrawal, and so on.

There are numerous instances in the Bible where people like David, and Jeremiah, Amos, and many others described their state of lament. They cried out to God for various situations wherein they saw themselves as helpless, and in the pain of mourning or deep sadness.

Getting in touch with our state of lament is healthy and important. Often, world situations such as the misery and violence in Gaza and Israel, the horrific invasion of Ukraine, mass shootings, dire poverty, and natural disasters cry out for lament. Personal tragedies such as a devastating illness also can bring us to a state of lament.

Lament does not necessarily mean “helpless”, but it is a recognition of the current suffering we face. That recognition may help us to share it with others, and get the help and support we need at the time.

So, we come to realize that lament is part of life, and that we are not alone in it.

Prayer: Lord, you have designed a crucial plan where you are our refuge in times of trouble, Amen

A cheerful heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit makes one sick         Proverbs 17:22

I told my kids it does our hearts good to see our family acting the way they do toward one another. It just happened coincidentally that on the same day our son flew to Kansas City to see his older sister, our oldest grandson flew to Colorado to see his younger sister. Seeing the pictures that they sent – the warm smiling faces of their joy of being together- did our hearts good!  

Later, I began to think what it would be like if my parents could see this reunion of their grandchildren and great-grandchildren?  Wilder still, what if my grandmother and grandfather (the ones that I knew in my lifetime), could have seen this? They could not, I’m sure, conceive of this prospect. Their progeny, decades after they are gone from this earth, still carrying on the loving family connections that they had carried on from their ancestors in their own way.  

Well, the point is, such connections of our children, and their children, is such a joy. I wanted to share this, dear readers, as a reminder of our need for legacy. We are building legacies with our actions in our families. Stop and think of how powerful that is. Think about 50 or 75 years from now when perhaps those people in similar pictures will look back at you and say, “I wonder what they would have thought about this…”

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the blessing of family, Amen

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2

Do you ever get discouraged? Of course you do! It is not a spiritual weakness, nor a character defect, nor an indication of your attitude. It is the reasonable response to a world that is broken and hurting. World events, most specifically the recent war in Israel, have made many of us sad, discouraged and disappointed. And angry, and scared, and perplexed.

Yes, the world is a place of immeasurable worth and value, joy and pleasure. It is also a place of hatred, anger, suffering and generational hostility. So, our life is a blend of all of the above. I have given up on trying to understand many things, because so much of life is inexplicable. This I trust- God is in control, I am not, and many who are in charge are incapable, incompetent, and self-serving. You know, I hate to be negative here, but the truth sets us free. If we place our trust in people, we will be disappointed. Such is life, and such has been the case since the first people walked on earth.  

The good news is that God IS in control, he IS faithful, and we look to him for peace, salvation and assurance.

Prayer: Lord, we look to you and you alone for our peace, comfort, and value, Amen.

 They will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God their Savior.                 Psalm 24:5

Psalm 24 starts by reminding the reader of the truth of who owns the creation-the earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.
The world and all its people belong to him. It was God’s plan and handiwork which brought about life, and all life is his. People argue about the mechanics of how the universe began, and it is a distraction from the miracle of creation. God has chosen to bless his creation, and the largest blessing is the fact that he has redeemed us from sin. Verse 5, stated above, tells us this very thing. God is identified as our Savior in this verse. Is there any more amazing revelation than that the creator of the universe is also its redeemer? This must change the way we see the character and nature of God.

Were he just the distant creator who simply wanted to be fascinated with his work, he would not be involved in our well-being. Were he simply a curious being who created this amazing universe to see how his creation would respond to it, he would also be distant and removed, like a scientist with an experiment.

But God created this universe as a loving being who wants us to ultimately spend eternity with him. Therefore, He has total and loving involvement, even to the point of providing the remedy for our sins. That is the miracle of creation.

Prayer: Father, thank you for loving us, and creating the worlds, not for your pleasure, but for our good. That is a love we cannot fathom, Amen                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Stay always within the boundaries where God’s love can reach and bless you. Wait patiently for the eternal life that our Lord Jesus Christ in his mercy is going to give you                            Jude 1:21

There where it is we do not need the wall: He is all pine and I am apple orchard. My apple trees will never get across And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him. He only says, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.‘

Robert Frost

I recently had a discussion with a client about the value of good boundaries. I told my client that good boundaries, well set, well thought out and communicated in love are actually not confining, they are comforting. I explained to him about studies years ago with kids on a playground, who actually wanted a fence around the playground. They felt safer, knowing clearly the limits, and safety in the idea that there was an actual structure between them and the street.  

We thrive when there is clarity about how far we can extend, and how much we can let people into our own spaces. It is really a matter of perspective. When I know the boundaries, I feel safer. When boundaries are vague, unclear or permeable, there is uncertainty. We all know what happens when uncertainty reigns- anxiety can flourish.

So, my friends, let’s not consider our moral, physical and emotional boundaries to be confining. Think of them as giving us the freedom to know where we, and others, stand.

Prayer: Lord, you set us up with moral and physical boundaries for our good. Thank you for loving boundaries, Amen

      I cry to the Lord; I call and call to him. Oh, that he would listen. I am in deep trouble and I need his help so much. All night long I pray, lifting my hands to heaven, pleading. There can be no joy for me until he acts. I think of God and moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help. I cannot sleep until you act. I am too distressed even to pray!                                           Psalm 77:1-4    

      David, a man who was called a “friend of God”, wrote the passage above. Even David, a man close to God’s heart, got to the point where he felt isolated, devastated, and alone. It can happen to anyone.

      Clinical depression is different than periodic down moods that we all experience from time to time. Listed below are the diagnostic criteria for Major Depression from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5^th edition (DSM 5).

• Depressed most of the day, nearly every day as indicated by subjective report (e.g., feels sad, empty, hopeless) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful)
• Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by subjective account or observation)
• Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day
• Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
• Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
• Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick).
• Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)
• Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

      In order to have a diagnosis of Major Depression, one must experience five or more of these symptoms in a two-week period, and it also must represent a change from previous functioning. At least one of the symptoms must be depressed mood, or loss of interest in things that formerly brought pleasure.

      You will note that some of these symptoms are subtle, and could be attributed to other conditions. You also note that there are significant physical symptoms, such as loss of (or too much) sleep; significant weight gain (or loss); and agitation.

      As I suggested in dealing with anxiety, depression too must be addressed in the three dimensions in which we live- physical, spiritual, and emotional. For today, I am only going to briefly discuss the “physical” dimension, and I will address the others in subsequent blogs.  

      The physical dimension of overcoming depression consists of exercise, reaching out to at least one other person (communicating and initiating connection), and evaluation from a doctor. This is to rule out possible physical causes as well as to potentially initiate medication evaluation. Many physical conditions can cause symptoms which mimic depression- diabetes, thyroid disorders, neurological disorders, and a host of other physical ailments. If you are experiencing several of the symptoms below, I suggest a physical examination first. Your doctor may well refer you to a counselor as a follow-up, and I, of course, recommend that as well.

      The hardest step is always the best step. The malaise of depression causes inertia which is very hard to overcome. That is why engaging a partner in the battle against depression is so important. Do not try to do this alone! The insidious part of overcoming depression is that motivation has been eroded. People experiencing depression also have a tendency to isolate, which makes the condition worse. People who are seriously depressed must find the spark to overcome the inertia that seems overwhelming. Here is where the spiritual comes in. At this point, I will add just one spiritual dimension. Pray a simple prayer to “just help me take one step”.

      That is more powerful than you can imagine.

Prayer: Father, be with those who are feeling overwhelmed with depression. Help them to take one step, Amen.

Dear brother Christians, I love you and long to see you, for you are my joy and my reward for my work. My beloved friends, stay true to the Lord. And now I want to plead with those two dear women, Euodias and Syntyche. Please, please, with the Lord’s help, quarrel no more—be friends again.

Philippians 4:1-2

We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately.       Benjamin Franklin

Seems that quarrels in the church have been going on for a long time. Paul urged two early church women to end their quarrel and be friends again. Yes, those early church leaders were just that- broken people who end up disagreeing and even holding grudges. Sounds like the church of today.

The Church these days is in turmoil, as some go off on differing political directions, splitting over policy issues, and taking hard stances on how to respond to differences in sexual orientation. There have always been lines drawn in the sand about the “right ways” to respond to issues in the world, and how we should discipline church members, etc.

I think Paul saw that a young church could not survive if it began splitting. I was reminded of Benjamin Franklin’s quote above about staying together as young revolutionaries in the face of British reprisals.

We have differences in how we see the world, our role as a Christian church, behavior of church members, etc. Paul said that Euodias and Syntyche should strive to patch up their differences.

Good idea…

Prayer: Lord, help us to seek peace and reconciliation rather than needing to be seen as “being right”, Amen

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”                                                                                                John 8:32 (NIV)

Often when I see clients, I give them a few gestures to explain the value of expressing thoughts and feelings to others. I put my forefingers up to my forehead, and I make a gesture moving those fingers away from my head forward and outward. While I do this, I say to them, “the healing thing is to get stuff out of here and out to there”. The meaning of course is, those hidden, nagging things that are rolling around in our head can cause confusion and anxiety. We need to validate those bound up things (for the most part) with others, and unburden ourselves from those thoughts that have taken on so much more power than they really should. When those thoughts and feelings hit the light of day and the ears of caring listeners, healing can happen.

Talking to others can free us, as can other expressive outlets like art, music, dance, writing- you name it. Getting it out of our head into the light of the world around us sets us free. So, whatever medium strikes you- and there are many- make sure to express those thoughts and feelings that can bind us.

The truth of expression sets us free. 

Prayer: Thank you Lord for making us relational beings. This allows us to be healers to one another, Amen.

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy                                Proverbs 14:10

I think sometimes we have a tendency to compare the relative pain that certain events cause to other people. You know, someone shares how hard it is for them that they had what we may feel is a minor setback, but to them, it feels like a catastrophe. We may think, “Wow, that is not a big enough deal to cause such a reaction.”

Yet, we don’t know the context of that suffering. Our view of the relative importance of that situation does not really matter. Each of us has hurts, and joys, that cannot be experienced by another. Our own internal reactions can be triggered in ways unknown to others.

It is our job to understand that the reactions of others are their reactions, and it is not our job to judge them. People see the world very differently based upon many, many factors. If we can accept that each person has a right to feel how they feel, and that we don’t get to judge it, we all may accept one another a little better.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to accept the views and thoughts of others without harsh judgment, Amen

The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed;
    those who help others are helped                                                      Proverbs 11:25

Did you know that over 30% of the American population is involved in some type of volunteer activity? That feels like a pretty hefty number, and I’m glad of it. Perhaps the number should be even higher.

Volunteering is good for the body, mind and soul. I typically ask my clients to consider, as they are able, some type of volunteer activity in order to enhance their sense of self, and to positively impact the lives of others.   

Indeed, I remember when I was a young counselor and I had a client who was in her mid-sixties, and she complained of depression. I suggested that she seek volunteer work (among other suggestions to deal with grief and depression) to become more socially active, and to find a way to “reinvent herself” after her husband had passed away.

She began to volunteer at the same hospital where the mental health center had its offices. When I left that agency 15 year later, she came to me and thanked me for the suggestion I had given to her so many years before. She was then about 80 years old, still volunteering twice a week at the hospital, and she told me that she had indeed found more purpose, and more energy in her life. She was more focused on the needs of others, and the work fit into her spiritual beliefs about helping other people.

I have, over the years routinely suggested volunteer work to my clients for its many social, spiritual, emotional, and even physical benefits. For those of my readers who regularly volunteer (and there are many who do), thank you for your service.

So, I say to my readers, if you are not in a regular system of volunteering at a church, social services agency, or any of the other myriad options, do it.

You will be glad that you did.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the way that you bless us as we help others, Amen