Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.                       John Wesley

I enjoy learning new things- just for the sake of learning. I thought recently, yes, we accumulate a lot of knowledge over our lifetime, but when we die, it is all gone. That is, unless we are sharing it- giving it away- along the way. We accumulate a whole lot of things during our lifetime. We spend a large part of our life earning money so that when get older, and we are no longer able to earn much money, we can live reasonably comfortably.

Many people acquire much more than they can ever use. We have all seen the homes of hoarders who, due to some perceived psychological need, accumulate so much stuff that they barely have room to move.  

While I am not a hoarder, I do like to collect baseball memorabilia and books. Those things give me some joy and comfort. My office is cozy, and while not overcrowded, it is covered with baseball pictures, and has a back wall lined with bookcases. So, collecting stuff can be fun, comforting, enjoyable- one of life’s little pleasures.

But our knowledge, and our wisdom, accumulated over our lifetime, is meant to be given away. Further, our resources- time and money, should also be given away as much as we can reasonably do. Hanging on to the resources beyond what we truly need is not the way we were meant to do things.   

To recall John Wesley’s quote from above-

  Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.

That is a good life philosophy.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the opportunity to have enough resources to give some away to others, Amen

I just read an interesting article from my friend and colleague Joe Wegmann, the Pharmatherapist. Joe wrote about the theory of chemical imbalance in depression, specifically the concept of Serotonin depletion as a cause of depression.

Joe indicates that it is too simplistic, and very inaccurate to blame Serotonin depletion alone for depression. Depression is a multi-factor illness, with roots in the physical, social, emotional, and spiritual parts of our being. Serotonin depletion can be found in depressed individuals, but is it a cause or effect, or even a by-product of depression? Yes, Serotonin depletion is real, but to blame depression on merely low Serotonin levels is not doing a justice to the complexity of the illness.

That being said, anti-depressants which help to raise or maintain Serotonin levels are still beneficial for many patients. If you are taking an SSRI, don’t stop or change dosage without serious conversations with your therapist and your physician. Yet, realize that depression is multi-faceted, and that the remedy too must include all parts on one’s life. Strong social and familial connections are still the best tools one has in dealing with depression.

If you are a reader of this blog for any length of time, you will also note that I strongly suggest regular and even vigorous exercise, and close attention to one’s spiritual life as tools to effectively combat depression.

So, recognize that you do have tools to deal with depression, and that others around you want to help.

Please reach out to them.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us many people around us to lean on in hard times. When we are depressed, remind us again, Amen.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?             Matthew 6:26-27

I was speaking with a client recently about what might give her more of a sense of serenity. We got around to the subject of what might be a reason that she does not have more peace, and I suggested to her that her serenity cannot be based upon her husband’s behavior. She has spent a great deal of time worrying about whether her husband has been unfaithful to her, as he had been in the past, and she soon realized the truth of the statement- her serenity was not dependent upon her husband’s behavior. This was something beyond her control.

So often we fail to see things that are obvious. In our attempts to find peace of mind, we try and try to figure things out. Somehow, we get the idea that if we put a lot of effort into something, we can get some measure of control. The less energy we give to certain things, the better the outcome.

I am not against hard work by any means! Work is good for the mind, body, and soul. However, when it comes to trying to overthink things over which we have little or no control, The truth is, often, less is more.

Prayer: Lord, help us to discern the things that we can control, and those that we cannot, Amen

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”                                                  II Corinthians 12:7-9 (NIV)

I recently spoke with a client who has a chronic physical problem, and she has been frustrated for years regarding its effects on her life. It is not a life- threatening problem, but it is certainly a “life-limiting” one.

We discussed her frustrations about living with this condition, and then she asked me, “Will I ever get over these feelings of anger and resentment? Will I ever get to the place of acceptance?”

It made me think about what acceptance really is. Paul in the Bible struggled with a “thorn in the flesh”, a phrase that has worked itself into our culture as an example of chronic suffering for which there may never be a complete remedy.   

Paul took the occasions of such reminders of suffering not to curse the condition, but to have it be a reminder to him of God’s ability to be sufficient even in our suffering- that God’s power is displayed when we are at our weakest.

I told my client that acceptance is “honest ownership of what we are feeling”. The question is not  “Will I ever stop feeling this way”, but rather, “what will I do when I recognize that I am feeling this way?”

My client has the tendency to condemn herself when she gets angry or frustrated about her situation. I suggested to her that frustration is a pretty normal response to her suffering, but honest appraisal of the unwanted feeling is the freedom she needs. Acceptance is not becoming complacent with how we feel, or ignoring how we feel, or even liking what we feel. Acceptance is honest ownership of that feeling. It is only then that we can be aware of the power that God can give us to transform the suffering into something that can enhance our human experience.

No one likes pain, and we try very hard to avoid it, naturally. But when we respond honestly to our feelings about it, we can start to redeem the pain into something of benefit to ourselves or to others.  

Prayer: Lord, give us the strength to honestly look at our responses to suffering, and to look to you for redemption of it, Amen

The first big Presidential debates that I can remember happened in 1960. I was just 10 years old, but I remember that the idea of a national presidential debate stirred the public appetite. My family was deeply devoted to John F. Kennedy, the young Catholic candidate who inspired so much energy and interest. His opponent, Richard M. Nixon, was the Vice-President of the United States. Kennedy at the time was a Senator from Massachusetts.

Both men were dignified, respectful speakers, though Kennedy had much more personality and charm than Nixon. Perhaps that is the reason that Kennedy was generally considered to have won the debates. Interestingly, those who only listened to the debates on the radio felt that Nixon had won. The television viewers tended to favor Kennedy.  Those debates, by today’s standards, were incredibly dignified and civilized affairs. Neither candidate spoke over the other, interrupted the other, or called the other names. Civility was still a thing back in 1960.

Fast forward to modern debates where candidates are itching to attack one another, talk over one another, and avoid actually answering questions. Debates these days are tawdry affairs where one leaves the spectacle feeling somehow angry, confused, and indeed hopeless that this is the best that the Republic has to offer.

I am not making partisan apologies here for any candidate or party. Political rhetoric on both sides of the aisle has become loathsome. Rather, I am lamenting the lack of civility, courtesy and respect that is demonstrated in current political debates. We no longer seem to expect good behavior from candidates for higher office. If this is the future of how debates distinguish the best candidates, we are in very serious trouble, my friends.

The virtues that we value, and try to teach to our children, are not modeled by those candidates for higher office in this country. Indeed, those virtues are disdained for the tactics of attacks on character, bullying, anger, divisiveness, and pomposity.

So, as political parties ramp up for another Presidential election, I am lamenting the loss of civility. Wake me up in time for the election, but I’ll pass on the “debates” thank you very much.  

Like a city that is broken into and without walls So is a person who has no self-control over his spirit.                                                                                                                                                             Proverbs 25:28

 Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.                         Proverbs 22:6

I was recently speaking with a couple about their 13-year-old son whom they described as “immature” and difficult to manage. The more we spoke, the more it appeared that this young man was quite manipulative, as well as attention seeking and essentially in control of the household. Both parents agreed wholeheartedly that this was the case. They were exhausted.

I talked about the concept of external control vs. internal control. Our job as parents is to provide adequate, secure and loving external control to our kids until they develop good internal controls. Children will resist external controls because, well, they are little humans!

We resist external control by nature. But it is essential that we have such external controls until we develop our own disciplines- our internal controls. Immature young people resist external control because they think they know better than their parents, or anyone else, what is good for them. I pointed this out to the couple. They had shared that their son became angry and threatening when they tried to implement boundaries for him. I suggested to them in my reply “As if he knows what is best for him”.    

So, there it is. Learning disciplines- internal control- actually frees us to be trusted people. When we see in others that they have good internal controls, we recognize that they do not need much supervision to be successful. Those in charge got there, mostly, because they have demonstrated that they are trustworthy, and do not need as much scrutiny as others. They can be trusted.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us models of success, but the price is self-discipline, Amen

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank him for his answers.                                                                                                                          Philippians 4:6 (Living Bible)

Have you ever said those words- “I’ve done all I can do…” Of course you have! We all have. Sometimes it is in an exasperated tone, sometimes with resignation, but sometimes with a sense of satisfaction of sorts.

What I mean is that having done all one can do in a situation, can lead to a certain amount of peace. When we are in a difficult or painful situation, we often worry. Worry can be paralyzing, and that is a bad place to be. Sometimes, worry can stop us from action- the action that we can exercise to deal with a problem. However, when we have the means to effect some change in our problem situation, and we do it, we feel less anxiety and pain when we have done all that we can do about it.

That does not mean that the problem is solved. Indeed, the problem may be out of our hands to solve. However, once we have honestly searched our hearts and minds and concluded that “I’ve done all I can do”, we can have a sense of peace. It is at this point that we can truly give it to God for him to do what we cannot do. However, we better have done our part too.

When we meet God at the place of obedience- doing the hard things we have to do- then God can take it to places we never could have. So, if you have truly done all you can do, and have given it to God, a certain peace will follow.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to know when we have fully done our part in order to rest in your hands, Amen

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man

William Shakespeare (from Hamlet)

I often speak with clients about their ability to sort out the multiple emotions that they may be experiencing at any given time. Such self-awareness is an important factor in being emotionally healthy. Being honest about those feelings is also a measure of personal integrity- am I willing to honestly name those feelings and own them?

Sometimes I will just suggest some possible feelings people may be having about a certain situation. I may say, “Does that make you feel sad, angry, hurt, rejected…” Many times, people will say “All of the above”, which is understandable. I know that is their way to let me know that they are also feeling confused, and that they need to convey how overwhelmed they are feeling at the time. All of that is good information for me.

I also have seen the pattern so very often. People are reluctant to say that they are feeling angry. Perhaps this is a defensive position, or maybe people do not feel comfortable owning their anger. They will often say, “Well, I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated”.

I have come to understand the formula that frustration = anger + a sense of helplessness to change a situation. People feel anger, but they also feel that they cannot do anything about it. Let’s be clear though, there is an element of anger in frustration. And you know what? It’s OK to feel that way. In fact, it happens to us often.

Being able to accurately name, and then own our feelings, is a first step of self-awareness and self-acceptance. Naming a feeling does not change it necessarily, but it gives us a sense of control, in that we can really know what is going on with us so that we can then begin constructive ways to address our emotions.

So, harkening back to the old TV show, “Name That Tune”, I say let’s work on “Name that feeling”!

But remember this—the wrong desires that come into your life aren’t anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you. And no temptation is irresistible. You can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it, for he has promised this and will do what he says. He will show you how to escape temptation’s power so that you can bear up patiently against it.                                      I Corinthians 10:13

I talked with a client the other day about his eating. He confessed that he eats as an emotional response, and he has done so for years. In fact, he no longer knows when he is hungry- he just eats to be comfortable and to avoid emotional pain.

Of course, he is not really comfortable, and like any other addiction, the results of the addiction are not satisfying- they are painful, even disgusting. I talked with him about the starts of the addiction, and he stated that he had endured some early life trauma which was nearly debilitating. This client is an overcomer. He is one who has more insight that he gives himself credit for, and he is a teachable young man.

We discussed the idea of fasting so that he actually knows again what it is to be hungry. At this point, he simply eats because it gives him emotional satisfaction and distraction. He is out of touch with real feelings of hunger because he has abused eating and has turned it into an escape.

He is going to be OK- I am confident of it. He will begin a fast – moderate and controlled- in order to again calibrate his actual sense of hunger. The thing about addictions is that they lie to us. They tell us that some substance or practice will let us escape our problems. Instead, addictions capture us into a new problem- addiction to the supposed “cure”.

People become addicted to substances and practices because the object of addiction makes them feel good right away, and it allows escape from pain.  The problem is, eventually people take the substance not to feel good, but so that they simply can avoid pain.

That is the lie of addiction. We all can be captured into an addiction of some sort. None of us is immune. We do need to recognize that whatever makes us feel good immediately can also be addictive. Always remember- there is a solution for every problem. There is hope!

Prayer: Lord, you give us a way of escape to overcome addiction and redeem it into good! Amen

Then Satan took him up and revealed to him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time; and the devil told him, “I will give you all these splendid kingdoms and their glory—for they are mine to give to anyone I wish—if you will only get down on your knees and worship me.” Jesus replied, “We must worship God, and him alone. So, it is written in the Scriptures.”                                                                                                  Luke 4:5-8(Living Bible)

I have been thinking about the temptation of Jesus after he came back from a season of fasting in the desert. I know that this is a rich theological passage, and I will let the rich theologians have at their interpretation. Sorry, that was not a nice thing to say. I doubt that there are a lot of rich theologians, but they do much rich research. How is that? All that to say, is that my takes on the Bible are not typically deeply researched opinions. My opinions are just that- my opinions. So please take that as my disclaimer for possible heresy! 😊

Satan approached Jesus to tempt him, and the only explanation I can think of is that Jesus allowed this so that he could instruct us on how to refute Satan’s lies. Satan said some interesting stuff. He tempted a famished Jesus with possible bread, and Jesus told Satan that he was not interested in the food that Satan could point to. Satan only knew of earthly food, and Satan went right there with Jesus.

It was the next temptation that Satan offered that intrigued me. He offered Jesus the “kingdoms of the world” so that Jesus could rule over them. He just asked that Jesus bow to Satan and worship him. Jesus brushed that off too, reminding Satan that the only One worthy of worship in that space was Jesus himself, though he used proper Biblical language- God alone is worthy of worship!

Satan offered the kingdoms of the world because they were his to offer. Jesus has a Kingdom that is not of this earth. However, I am reminded that when Christians are offered earthly kingdoms and power structures, that is Satan’s plan, not God’s. God does not need earthly kingdoms or political power structures to ensure that his divine plans are completed!

When the Roman Emperor Constantine conflated the kingdom on earth (the Roman Empire) with the Kingdom of God, things went to a pretty bad place in a fairly short period of time. Political or military power is not the kind of kingdom Jesus came to establish.

He came to bring the Kingdom of heaven to earth.  

Prayer: Lord, help us to see beyond earthly political power structures and attempt to bring Heaven to earth, Amen