Carrying out this social relief work involves far more than helping meet the bare needs of poor Christians. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgivings to God. This relief offering is a prod to live at your very best, showing your gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain meaning of the Message of Christ. You show your gratitude through your generous offerings to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone            II Corinthians 9:12-15 (The Message)

This is Thanksgiving week, and it is also a favorite time of year for me. It brings back memories of past family holidays, traditions, and feelings of warmth and goodwill. It is a reminder, as if we should need it, that we are incredibly blessed and that sincere gratitude is in order for those blessings.

I suggest to my clients that starting the day with gratitude sets the tone for the day. We can be thankful for a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, a nice warm shower, even the fact that we woke to another day. In other words, everything that we might otherwise take for granted. People in recovery often are challenged by a sponsor to make a gratitude list in order to shape their attitude for the day. You know, “an attitude of gratitude”.

So, as we start this Thanksgiving week in the United States, we are officially and collectively called to be thankful for our many blessings. Doing this daily on a personal level is a healthy way to keep that good attitude that gets us through days that are sometimes challenging.

Prayer: Lord, you are the giver of good gifts, and we are grateful for those blessings, Amen

As I do every year on November 19^th, I reprint the greatest speech ever given on American soil.  Abraham Lincoln had the gifts of humility and brevity, and both are clear in this marvelously understated and powerful speech. I reprint it in these days of political turmoil when our politicians desperately need to see that virtues such as humility and empathy are not signs of weakness in leaders, but indicators of great strength. Without further explanation, I defer to the great President and orator, Abraham Lincoln…

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But in a larger sense we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us, that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion, that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

This is a reprint of an older blog to enjoy while I take some time off for vacation. Hope you enjoy it…

I looked back in some old files and found a document that I had written just after my wife and I had led a leadership group for a select group of 17-year-olds from our city. In that program, we introduced them to community leaders, showed them how a number of non-profit agencies in the community worked together to help people, and taught them things we had learned from our own experience as we lived and worked in our town.

After that program, I wrote a list of the 10 things that I wished someone had shared with me when I was 17 years old. Here is that list that I shared with those young people…

1. It takes so little to be above average. An extra 15 minutes a day spent in reading, journaling, self-reflection, or writing a note to someone can set one apart as “above average”
2. Whenever possible, do not use the word “they” when talking about a group or place of employment of which you are a part. Try to use the word “we”. It implies ownership of what is going on, not shifting blame when something goes wrong.
3. Other people generally want to be liked as much as you do.
4. Life is about people, not projects, not success, not grades, not money.
5. Jobs come and go, but you only get one family.
6. Employers are usually looking for character more than skill. They can teach skills, not character
7. If you can laugh at yourself, you will receive grace from others.
8. Be able to say “I’m sorry”
9. Praise people in public, and correct them in private.
10. Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out alive!

So that’s it. Plenty more things that 17-year-olds need to learn, but that is my hot list for today. What’s yours?

When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
    but with humility comes wisdom                                                                         Proverbs 11:2

I was speaking with a client the other day, and we were exploring the ways that he relates to his wife. He is, by nature, a problem solver, and he approaches many situations with his wife from the perspective of giving her solutions to problems, or suggesting things she could or should do to help her situation. He ends up coming across as controlling, or a “know-it-all”, and his wife then often just “shuts down”.

The more we discussed the dynamic, I suggested that he take an empathic approach to her current depression, which leaves her with little energy, and often a messy environment around her. I suggested that he consider saying things like, “I know that you must be really suffering with this depression. What can I do to help”?

This allows his wife to feel better understood, not judged for her depressive lethargy, and it empowers her to try to solve her own problems with his help. Currently, she feels disrespected, judged, and unheard.

The client had a bit of an “Aha!” experience. He saw that his current approach could come across as uncaring and harsh. He is a willing learner, and he agreed that he needed help to make some changes in his approach to his wife.

Humility is the beginning of wisdom. His willingness to see that he had unknowingly hurt his wife touched him, and that gave him the resolve to try to change. This young man loves his wife, and he plans to work on changing his attitude and approach. What a joy to see a humble heart look to make positive changes!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for humble, willing hearts, Amen

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful. I know that full well                                         Psalm 139:14

Funny thing how we take healing for granted. Yes, we really do. How often have you had some malady- a cold, a sore muscle, a cut, a broken bone? Yes, most of us have had all of them at one time or another. Some people have had much more significant ailments- heart attacks, strokes, cancers- and have, with some treatment, recovered nicely.

Some of the maladies I mentioned above “heal on their own”. That cold, flu, sore muscle, cut, etc. healed without much, if any, medical intervention. Why is that? Because our bodies were made to be self-healing. Our immune system and our system of cell repair has been baked into our bodies by the Creator. He made a wonderful healing machine that we may often take for granted.

Yes, it is absolutely true that such healing will not take place forever. There will be a time when that body breaks down and ages to a point where the system can no longer operate as it was intended.

In the meantime, let us celebrate the everyday miracles of our “healing machine” bodies.

Prayer: Lord, what an amazing plan for your creation! Amen…

Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done. Proverbs 19:17

So, how inspiring is it that the book of Proverbs is explaining the nature and character of God in this way? In the days when that book was being compiled, the current way of relating to a god was a very transactional process. People would find a deity who was the giver of certain gifts (fertility, good crops, health etc.) and, should one make sacrifices to that god, they might be rewarded. There were even societies that made child sacrifices to the god Molech to appease this evidently angry and powerful being.   

Then you have the one true God worshipped by the ancient Hebrews who gave them a moral code that looked quite different. The true God, Yahweh, said that if his people took care of the poor, it was like lending to him, and he would reward those who cared for the “least of the brethren” in the community.

That is still a concept that is true. In the New Testament, there are dozens of assertions that one loves God by loving others. That is a radical concept. Yet, when you think about it, why would anyone want to follow any other Supreme Being? We worship the one who loves those that society discards and marginalizes.

That is all the Truth I need.

Prayer: Lord, what a plan to have us love you by loving your creation, Amen

 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” 

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

The man replied to Jesus “Who is my neighbor?

Luke 10: 25-27

I am reading an excellent, thoughtful book entitled The Ethics of Encounter, by Marcus Mescher. The book is based upon the parable of the Good Samaritan that Jesus told, as recounted in the book of Luke. The parable was in response to the question of a follower who asked the definition of “neighbor”. Jesus had just explained that one gains eternal life by loving God with one’s whole heart, and loving one’s neighbor as one’s self.

The nature of the question seems to be one of trying to define limits to the generosity one must extend by limiting the definition of “neighbor”. We are used to thinking of neighbors as being people we can summon by shouting out our door. Those that hear us are neighbors.  Pretty small definition, right?

Jesus expanded the whole story by not only not limiting who can be considered a “neighbor”, he upped the ante by making the story’s hero a hated Samaritan. He doubled down by having a Priest and a Levite disregard the fallen victim. Jesus knew how to stick the needle into those who would stubbornly try to limit the length of love to be extended outside their own tribe.

We will talk more about this in future blogs. For now, just read the passage in Luke, and take in the beautiful irony that Jesus uses to make his point.  

Prayer: Lord, help us to expand our own definition of neighbor, Amen.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres        I Corinthians 13:4-7          

Love has many meanings in English, but we really just have one word for it. According to research on definitions of love in the Bible, the ancient Greeks were very specific and particular in their words for love, and they broke it down this way. They had four words to describe different forms of love precisely: “Storge” or family love; “Philia”, or brotherly love; “Agape”, or sacrificial or unconditional love; and “Eros”, sexual or marital love.

The “Storge” type love (pronounced Stor-hay), was for family love, a deep and protective affection that binds families tightly together. Philia, or brotherly love, is commonly known. We all know Philadelphia (City of Love), and the irony of the “loving” Philly sports fans showing love to people on the field in their own unique ways. They actually booed Santa Claus one year, but that is another story. Phileo type love is “I love you as you love me”. Good type of love for neighbors and communities, but not the highest ideal of it.

Eros, the one we are likely most in touch with in popular culture, has to do with passion and sexual attraction. It arouses a lot of energy, but often, like an intense fire, it can burn hot and quickly, and it may burn itself out.

Agape love is the ideal. It is the love God has for his creation. Selfless and unconditional, there is nothing the loved one can do to escape such love. It is there despite any actions that may try to thwart it. It is supernatural.

At times, we all display these types of love for others. They are all good in their own way, but the key is to recognize each for what it is, and not to deceive ourselves that we love better than we actually do. We love imperfectly. But as I said in an earlier reflection, acceptance of imperfect is OK. We just need to be on the right path.

We are called to a more perfect love. Fortunately, we have a Friend who loves us right where we are, wherever that might be along the road.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the unconditional love you have for us, Amen.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.                                                           Romans 12:9-13 (NIV)

In reading the book of Romans, I see that the writer, Paul, encourages us to “honor one another.” One of the things that is so remarkable about the Bible is that it is a book which gives excellent instructions for how we should treat one another. While it is a guide to understanding God and his creation, and his relationship to that creation, it also is very practical advice for how to truly survive in a world that is not always easy to navigate.

In this passage, Paul is reminding believers that they are to honor one another. That is, we are to show respect for one another by listening carefully to what they say. We are to show that respect by giving eye contact, warmth, and affirmations where we can. We are to give others the benefit of the doubt and not be quick to judge them. We are to let them know that they are valued by us and by God. We are to recognize that they have gifts and strengths that are to be celebrated.

Those are ways that we can “Honor one another above ourselves.” Paul did not say to lower our own esteem, but rather, when we honor others, it lifts us up as well.

So, it appears that the Bible is a pretty good manual for counseling as well!

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the inspiration given in the Bible which helps our relationships, as well as giving honor to you, Amen.

“What drains your spirit drains your body. What fuels your spirit fuels your body.”                           Caroline Myss

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.                                                                                                                                                                  Psalm 139:14

The mind-body connection is a fascinating thing. I mean, we really cannot sperate the two because they are part of the whole- the components- that, along with our soul makes us…us. Our physical health and our mental health are inextricably connected. In fact, both affect one another constantly and often in subtle ways.

People who are under chronic stress age more quickly than those under less stress. The presence of stress hormones coursing through our body, especially when they should not be present at high levels, causes us to die prematurely.

I was recently talking with a client who had been raised in a dysfunctional family, where neglect was a way of life. It is the only way she knew to perceive the world. We discussed the effects of this, and it can properly be called trauma, even though she was not physically or sexually abused. Her way of looking at the world, and relationships, was altered in a way that caused her chronic stress.

She was always vigilant of the world around her, a world which was not seen as particularly safe or supportive. She learned to “read people” and find ways to navigate situations to ensure that she was emotionally safe, perhaps even physically safe.

Eventually, her body began to tell her that this was not healthy. She got into counseling, found that vigorous exercise was a way that she could find control and safety, and she eventually came to have excellent insight into how to better navigate a world that was not perpetually threatening to her.    

Our health care system seems to do an excellent job at treating illnesses when they are discovered. But our system does not do very well at prevention of problematic lifestyle issues, and the chronic stresses that we face which can lead to physical health problems.

Our reminder- physical, spiritual and emotional health are inextricably tied together. Proper healthcare means that we pay attention to all aspects of our being.

Prayer: Lord, you have designed us to have true integration of mind, body and Spirit. Help us to care for all parts of us, Amen