Point your kids in the right direction—
    when they’re old they won’t be lost.                                                                                                                 Proverbs 22:6 (The Message)

There are many complicated parts to the relationship of parent and child. Almost everyone can identify some way that one (or both, perhaps) of their parents made a mistake(s) in raising them. This is true- because it is! Parents are human and we are imperfect.

 Every one of us who is a parent can identify things we could have done for (or with) our kids when they were young. There are things that we could have said or not said, different decisions that we could have made with them, etc., etc. That being said, the vast majority of parents wanted to do the right thing by their kids. Their motives were good even if follow through was not perfect.

I often end up speaking to my clients (all of whom at this point are adults), about their need to have the approval of their parents. No matter the age of the client, or their parent, there is a part of them that wants approval from their parents. I suspect that there is good reason for this. When we are young, children are completely dependent upon their parents for survival. From just an evolutionary concept, it certainly behooves kids to please those who hold their life in their hands!

Beyond that, there is a bond that develops that encourages a nurturing relationship between parent and child. That need to please our parents changes over time, but the concept remains true. We want mom and dad to approve of us- to be proud of us.

I also talk with clients about the fact that parents almost universally did the best they could with what they had and what they knew at the time they were raising their kids. They did not intentionally set out to mess up their kids!

So much to be said about the complicated world of parenting!

More on this tomorrow my friends…

Prayer: Lord, we can better understand your love for us as we love our children…

“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool                                                                                                                               Isaiah 1:18

I have several clients who struggle with various things regarding their own self-esteem, being able to accept love, feeling forgiven, feeling worthy, etc. Many of us struggle with those very issues. Sometimes, we begin to believe that God has those same issues with us- that HE doesn’t love us, that HE does not forgive us, etc. It is easy for us to project our own attitudes onto others because it seems to satisfy and condone our own personal world-view.

I talk with clients about the need to be consistent with our views and to check out what the truth is about God’s view toward us. There are plenty of places in the Bible where God is explained as loving us right where we are; that he forgives our sins; that he will never leave us or forsake us, but sometimes, we are just not feeling that.

I ask people to just take the stance of agreeing with God. We can agree that we are sinners, and flawed human beings. We can also agree that we cannot save ourselves by our own best efforts. We can agree that he is sovereign and can, and will, do as he pleases, because we do not make up the rules.

 But if we agree to those things, we must also agree that he loves us like his children, that he will never leave us, even if it feels that he has. We must agree that God’s nature and character is not one of punishment, but of redemption and restoration.

Agreeing with God is a lot more peaceful than trying to maintain that our situation is irredeemable. The above passage explains that God wants us to reason together. Let’s just agree that God has our best interest at stake, and he will do anything to take care of his children.

Prayer: Lord, give us the means to be able to agree with you more, Amen

 When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi                                   Matthew 2:16-18

Today is January 2, also known as “back to normal” day. The holiday season is behind us, (yes, it is not technically over until January 6) but today is back to work day for many. Holiday travel is mostly over, and today is the real start of the work year. Back to routine has its plusses and minuses. Now we get back to focusing on those daily tasks that have been somewhat suspended for about two weeks.

Now we, in the United States, face an election year that promises to test our will and resolve. We also see a world that is suffering with terrible wars and the suffering of innocents in war-torn Ukraine and Gaza. It is interesting that one of the lesser discussed effects of the birth of Jesus was the suffering of innocent families in Judea. Herod tried to purge the region of possible future rivals by ordering the death of male children under age two.  

Cruelty and evil remain in this world. We like to think that we have evolved as a human race, but the theme remains- without the restraint of the Holy Spirit, human cruelty and devious acts of evil remain.

So, as we return to “normal”, remember that “normal” for some people looks like fear, suffering, and sudden death from oppressors.  

Prayer: Lord, deliver us from evil, Amen

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.                                             Romans 12:2

Happy New Year my friends. It is now 2024, and we face a new year, with hope as well as trepidation. We are not at the mercy of “what the new year will bring us”, but rather what we will bring to 2024. Will we bring a sense of peace toward others? Will we look inside ourselves to determine our attitude, and not have it dictated to us by events around us?

To be sure, in this election year of 2024, there will be tensions, outrage, and clamoring for angry reactions at times. While we have opinions about these political events, they are not the things that define us. We are defined by how we love one another, as Jesus taught when he walked the earth.

So yes, this year will likely be challenging, but we are not defined by the outside events in our lives, but by the grace with which we respond.

Prayer: Lord, help this be a year of grace for all, Amen

 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

II Corinthians 5:17

So, as we look back at this time of year, let’s get into the wayback machine and really go back! Doing a little random association today, I had a memory of going to a local butcher shop (Walt’s Delicatessen in my hometown Cheviot, a Cincinnati western suburb), and seeing, feeling, and smelling the sawdust on the floor behind the counter. Yes, the butcher shops had sawdust on the floor to soak up the blood from the meat cutting. Yeah, that doesn’t happen now does it?

How about bus transfers? This is where the bus driver had a little hand-held punch gadget that marked the transfers. When you changed buses to get to your destination, you had to transfer part of the fare. You ended up with a little paper with very cool punch marks!

I used to help the teacher after school (OK, sometimes it might have been detention) by cleaning the chalkboard erasers. I would go outside and smack the erasers together creating a cloud of chalk dust, and presumably, “cleaning” the erasers. Where was the EPA when you needed them? Oh yeah, this was long before the EPA.

Back in those days, one tried out for sports teams- not everybody made the team. I recall some long walks home after being cut from the baseball team. Yes, my love of baseball does not correlate with talent in baseball.

New Year’s Eve in those days often consisted of watching the Guy Lombardo Orchestra (and his Royal Canadians) ring in the New Year with Auld Lang Syne. No three-hour long specials with glitzy A-listers to ring in the New year back then- at least, in my memory. It is possible that this my only option, based upon my parents’ preference of listening to Guy Lombardo! Who knows?

Well, it is fun to recall those days, and I hope you have some wonderful memories too!

Blessings on your 2024!

Prayer: Lord, lead us into another year with peace, hope, and the plan to make the world around us just a little better than we found it, Amen.

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.  He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.                                                                                                                                       Colossians 1:15-17

The year 2023 is quickly winding down. Are you glad to see it go away, or was 2023 a great and memorable year for you? We can look back on the year and list the signal events that helped define the year for us.

One of the questions that I suggest that couples discuss daily with one another regularly is “Where did you see God today?” So maybe that is a good question for the year. Where did you see God’s hand in your life this year? Certainly, God is moving all the time, whether or not we see his hand. Indeed, I believe that the Creator who designed this world keeps it running by his unseen energy in all things. So, his hand is always present, if unseen.

For my family, that signal event was the fact that my young, fit, 47-year-old son-in-law had a stroke – while driving his family in the car! He was able to control the car to safety, and because of fast and effective medical intervention, he has made a complete recovery.

I will not detail all the possible sequences that may have led to disaster in this situation- there were many. But, as we look back on the year, that event now has become almost a blip on the screen in some ways.

Wow!

So, think about those events of 2023 where God’s provision was evident in your life. It may well make 2023 look like a great year.

Prayer: Lord, your hand is always at work, seen and unseen. Thank you for that! Amen

Today I am running my daughter’s (Jennifer Hartwell) blog (http://www.traumamom4.com) in its entirety. It is a great discussion about how we relate to others. I run it with her permission, and my joy…

I recently took care of a patient who went out of his way to thank for me crouching next to his bedside to speak to him. “I like you,” he said. “Actually, I don’t just like you, I trust you. You didn’t stand over me like some ‘lord’ like most people do. You got down and looked me in the eye.” It’s true. I did. His bed seemed to be extra low to the ground and for some reason my 5’6” frame felt like I was towering over this 75-year-old man, and it didn’t feel right. So, I squatted down to his level.

We talked about his condition and what the best next steps would be. We were debating about the need for surgery, and if we decided to pursue surgery, the right timing for his operation. He shared with me some details about himself and his family. Where he is from, what he does for work, what he does for fun, who his children are and what they do. I painted a picture in my mind of what his life must be like. Travel. Family. Some adventure. Expert in his field. I could imagine a man beyond the gaunt and tired one in front of my eyes. Through some tears, he grabbed my hand and said, “Thank you for taking care of me. I trust you.”

His words seared into my mind that week, I found myself crouching down next to a lot of bedsides. Aching knees be damned. Eye level is a powerful place to be.

This encounter made me think about all the times and places that I have purposefully or subconsciously used my privilege as a well-to-do, white, American, to “lord” over the person in front of me. Instead of crouching down, how many times have I stood up, and over, any number of people who live in the margins of the world? Our Black and Brown brothers and sisters who may have been born in another nation; our Palestinian cousins who truly desire peace not terror; our LGBTQ+ family and friends who want only to be loved for who they truly are; our Jewish neighbors who are heartbroken over senseless death but also dearly desire and deserve dignity and a safe haven; women who face abuse, neglect, or violence; the families whose tireless work is just not enough and find themselves in desperate need. How. Many. Times.?

Getting down on eye level in this world means more than my aching knees and burning quads for a few minutes. Eye level means digging deep into trying to understand what it’s like from another vantage point. Eye level means zooming in from a stadium full of people who I’ve labeled as “the opposition” to the individual person who has a name and a story. It means checking my privilege. It means letting go of the fear of losing control or power. Eye level means being brave enough to watch the videos of dying children in Gaza; it means listening to the stories of the daring souls who navigated the Darien Gap in a heroic effort to bring a better life to themselves and their children; it means asking the woman who is seeking an abortion the simple question, “Why? Tell me your story,” instead of peppering her with guilt for her situation. Eye level means coming down from my ivory tower. It means showing up, shutting up and, kneeling down. Eye level means opening our hearts, quieting the noise, and building trust.

I remain deeply affected by my patient who poignantly taught me about the power of eye level. I hope you consider it too. We can all be better if we just take a moment to get down on eye level.

As is my tradition, I present to you Luke chapter 2, verses 1-18 in the King James version. May it bless and comfort you this Christmas Day!

 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.                                                                                                                                                           Isaiah 9:6

Today is Christmas Eve! Do you remember the incredible excitement we had as children on this day? We thought that we would burst if we couldn’t open presents right now! In my household, we opened presents on Christmas Eve, then we went to midnight Mass. The next day was reserved for relatives coming to the house to visit and feast with us.

I see that same excitement in my youngest grandchildren now. I am happy for them. It rekindles some of the exuberance of youth for me. For many years now, the excitement has been seeing others receive gifts. Giving is so much more enjoyable than receiving, and that is the gift that we acquire with age.

So, my dear readers, I trust that you are in the place like me. As we see others enjoy opening gifts, we get joy out of just seeing them. Revel in the joy of Jesus born into a broken world to give us the hope and joy of his presence!

Merry Christmas!

Prayer: Thank you, Lord, for the joy of giving, Amen

All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn’t, and doesn’t, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it’s sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that’s the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.                         Romans 5:20-21 (The Message)

I recently met with a client who deals with the shame of addictions. In fact, he has carried this shame with him like a dark cloak for many years. It is sad for so many reasons, not the least of which is that he experienced trauma from about age eight from a father who was a sexual predator.

The client is an overcomer who has worked very hard at dealing with addictions, but periodic relapses ignite his shame to new levels. Because of this shame, he feels inadequate to be a spiritual leader in his home.

We talked about this, and I reminded him that if one must be blameless to be a leader, there would be no one to lead. Every one of us can name a broken life area that could “disqualify” us for leadership if we let it. Every great leader in history had (has) some dark parts in their life that could hold them back, if they allowed that to happen.

I think we all understand how this client feels. Yet, we cannot let feelings of shame get in the way of doing the things we can, indeed must, do. I reminded him of the mantra- “do, then feel”. When we go ahead and do the things we need to do, we begin to feel better. We cannot wait to feel better about ourselves before we take on those duties.

This client is a good man, an overcomer, a fine husband and father, but his shame pulls him back and restrains him. I pray that he can see himself the way that God sees him- forgiven and important to those around him.

I pray that for all of us.  

Prayer: Lord, help us see the power of your immense forgiveness, Amen