I cry to the Lord; I call and call to him. Oh, that he would listen. I am in deep trouble and I need his help so much. All night long I pray, lifting my hands to heaven, pleading. There can be no joy for me until he acts. I think of God and moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help. I cannot sleep until you act. I am too distressed even to pray!                                           Psalm 77:1-4    

      David, a man who was called a “friend of God”, wrote the passage above. Even David, a man close to God’s heart, got to the point where he felt isolated, devastated, and alone. It can happen to anyone.

      Clinical depression is different than periodic down moods that we all experience from time to time. Listed below are the diagnostic criteria for Major Depression from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5^th edition (DSM 5).

• Depressed most of the day, nearly every day as indicated by subjective report (e.g., feels sad, empty, hopeless) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful)
• Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by subjective account or observation)
• Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day
• Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
• Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
• Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick).
• Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)
• Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

      In order to have a diagnosis of Major Depression, one must experience five or more of these symptoms in a two-week period, and it also must represent a change from previous functioning. At least one of the symptoms must be depressed mood, or loss of interest in things that formerly brought pleasure.

      You will note that some of these symptoms are subtle, and could be attributed to other conditions. You also note that there are significant physical symptoms, such as loss of (or too much) sleep; significant weight gain (or loss); and agitation.

      As I suggested in dealing with anxiety, depression too must be addressed in the three dimensions in which we live- physical, spiritual, and emotional. For today, I am only going to briefly discuss the “physical” dimension, and I will address the others in subsequent blogs.  

      The physical dimension of overcoming depression consists of exercise, reaching out to at least one other person (communicating and initiating connection), and evaluation from a doctor. This is to rule out possible physical causes as well as to potentially initiate medication evaluation. Many physical conditions can cause symptoms which mimic depression- diabetes, thyroid disorders, neurological disorders, and a host of other physical ailments. If you are experiencing several of the symptoms below, I suggest a physical examination first. Your doctor may well refer you to a counselor as a follow-up, and I, of course, recommend that as well.

      The hardest step is always the best step. The malaise of depression causes inertia which is very hard to overcome. That is why engaging a partner in the battle against depression is so important. Do not try to do this alone! The insidious part of overcoming depression is that motivation has been eroded. People experiencing depression also have a tendency to isolate, which makes the condition worse. People who are seriously depressed must find the spark to overcome the inertia that seems overwhelming. Here is where the spiritual comes in. At this point, I will add just one spiritual dimension. Pray a simple prayer to “just help me take one step”.

      That is more powerful than you can imagine.

Prayer: Father, be with those who are feeling overwhelmed with depression. Help them to take one step, Amen.

Dear brother Christians, I love you and long to see you, for you are my joy and my reward for my work. My beloved friends, stay true to the Lord. And now I want to plead with those two dear women, Euodias and Syntyche. Please, please, with the Lord’s help, quarrel no more—be friends again.

Philippians 4:1-2

We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately.       Benjamin Franklin

Seems that quarrels in the church have been going on for a long time. Paul urged two early church women to end their quarrel and be friends again. Yes, those early church leaders were just that- broken people who end up disagreeing and even holding grudges. Sounds like the church of today.

The Church these days is in turmoil, as some go off on differing political directions, splitting over policy issues, and taking hard stances on how to respond to differences in sexual orientation. There have always been lines drawn in the sand about the “right ways” to respond to issues in the world, and how we should discipline church members, etc.

I think Paul saw that a young church could not survive if it began splitting. I was reminded of Benjamin Franklin’s quote above about staying together as young revolutionaries in the face of British reprisals.

We have differences in how we see the world, our role as a Christian church, behavior of church members, etc. Paul said that Euodias and Syntyche should strive to patch up their differences.

Good idea…

Prayer: Lord, help us to seek peace and reconciliation rather than needing to be seen as “being right”, Amen

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”                                                                                                John 8:32 (NIV)

Often when I see clients, I give them a few gestures to explain the value of expressing thoughts and feelings to others. I put my forefingers up to my forehead, and I make a gesture moving those fingers away from my head forward and outward. While I do this, I say to them, “the healing thing is to get stuff out of here and out to there”. The meaning of course is, those hidden, nagging things that are rolling around in our head can cause confusion and anxiety. We need to validate those bound up things (for the most part) with others, and unburden ourselves from those thoughts that have taken on so much more power than they really should. When those thoughts and feelings hit the light of day and the ears of caring listeners, healing can happen.

Talking to others can free us, as can other expressive outlets like art, music, dance, writing- you name it. Getting it out of our head into the light of the world around us sets us free. So, whatever medium strikes you- and there are many- make sure to express those thoughts and feelings that can bind us.

The truth of expression sets us free. 

Prayer: Thank you Lord for making us relational beings. This allows us to be healers to one another, Amen.

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy                                Proverbs 14:10

I think sometimes we have a tendency to compare the relative pain that certain events cause to other people. You know, someone shares how hard it is for them that they had what we may feel is a minor setback, but to them, it feels like a catastrophe. We may think, “Wow, that is not a big enough deal to cause such a reaction.”

Yet, we don’t know the context of that suffering. Our view of the relative importance of that situation does not really matter. Each of us has hurts, and joys, that cannot be experienced by another. Our own internal reactions can be triggered in ways unknown to others.

It is our job to understand that the reactions of others are their reactions, and it is not our job to judge them. People see the world very differently based upon many, many factors. If we can accept that each person has a right to feel how they feel, and that we don’t get to judge it, we all may accept one another a little better.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to accept the views and thoughts of others without harsh judgment, Amen

The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed;
    those who help others are helped                                                      Proverbs 11:25

Did you know that over 30% of the American population is involved in some type of volunteer activity? That feels like a pretty hefty number, and I’m glad of it. Perhaps the number should be even higher.

Volunteering is good for the body, mind and soul. I typically ask my clients to consider, as they are able, some type of volunteer activity in order to enhance their sense of self, and to positively impact the lives of others.   

Indeed, I remember when I was a young counselor and I had a client who was in her mid-sixties, and she complained of depression. I suggested that she seek volunteer work (among other suggestions to deal with grief and depression) to become more socially active, and to find a way to “reinvent herself” after her husband had passed away.

She began to volunteer at the same hospital where the mental health center had its offices. When I left that agency 15 year later, she came to me and thanked me for the suggestion I had given to her so many years before. She was then about 80 years old, still volunteering twice a week at the hospital, and she told me that she had indeed found more purpose, and more energy in her life. She was more focused on the needs of others, and the work fit into her spiritual beliefs about helping other people.

I have, over the years routinely suggested volunteer work to my clients for its many social, spiritual, emotional, and even physical benefits. For those of my readers who regularly volunteer (and there are many who do), thank you for your service.

So, I say to my readers, if you are not in a regular system of volunteering at a church, social services agency, or any of the other myriad options, do it.

You will be glad that you did.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the way that you bless us as we help others, Amen

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.                                            John 15:13

Or so they say. I treat a lot of clients who suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Briefly, the most common understanding of this disorder is that people who have been exposed to significant traumatic events are prone to be affected in a negative way, and we have diagnosed this as PTSD.

Earlier this century, this phenomenon was identified in soldiers who fought in World War I. The phenomenon became known as “shell shock”. There was good reason for that since high explosive shells were used extensively in that war, not only for their destructive power, but for their intimidation effect. The constant and deafening roar of the explosions caused soldiers to literally become psychotic. Many never really returned to reality. Their system had been completely overwhelmed.

When World War II came around, the term then became “combat fatigue”. Constant exposure to violence, and threat of violence, as well as the experience of seeing people die all around one caused the reaction.

When the Vietnam War came in the 60’s and 70’s, a new term appeared- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Since then, we have come to understand that the definition of PTSD has been expanded to not only those who are victims of violence and threat, but those who are witness to such devastations.

Front-line first responders are, by definition, potentially diagnosable with PTSD.  Even though most first responders would shrug off the label, they nonetheless are affected by those traumatic events which they encounter.

We expect that those servants will continue to serve others despite the trauma they witness. So do they. Those first-responders will say “It’s part of the job, we just keep on”. And they do. But it comes with a price.

So, to our first responders (including my beloved two children who are in the very center of trauma every day), I say thank you. There cannot be love without sacrifice, and they show their love through sacrifice every day.  

Prayer: Lord, protect those who protect us every day, Amen

We can justify our every deed, but God looks at our motives.                                Proverbs 21:2

One of the concepts I often discuss with clients is the concept “unable or unwilling?” Especially in relationship problems, this question needs to be asked- “Is your partner unable or unwilling to make the changes you would like?” If they feel that the partner is unwilling to make some changes for the sake of the relationship, that is a whole other dynamic than if that partner is unable to make those changes. Are we asking someone to do something that they are simply not capable of doing, or are they simply being selfish and stubborn?

Just the idea of giving consideration to motives, and the past experiences and abilities of the partner helps to give some empathic approach to the situation.  Perhaps the partner in the relationship is doing about the best they can, but lack the skills and temperament to be the “ideal partner” one had hoped for.

The idea is to ask the client to consider that, maybe their partner is trying hard, but she/he is not capable of the type of responses one would like. Perhaps we will never know what those limits are, bit it is always good to ask for the client to consider giving the benefit of the doubt.

Prayer: Lord, give us the patience and wisdom to ask the questions about ability to change versus stubborn resistance. Amen

But the exact day and hour? No one knows that, not even heaven’s angels, not even the Son. Only the Father knows.

 “The Arrival of the Son of Man will take place in times like Noah’s. Before the great flood everyone was carrying on as usual, having a good time right up to the day Noah boarded the ark. They knew nothing—until the flood hit and swept everything away.

 “The Son of Man’s Arrival will be like that: Two men will be working in the field—one will be taken, one left behind; two women will be grinding at the mill—one will be taken, one left behind. So stay awake, alert. You have no idea what day your Master will show up. But you do know this: You know that if the homeowner had known what time of night the burglar would arrive, he would have been there with his dogs to prevent the break-in. Be vigilant just like that. You have no idea when the Son of Man is going to show up.                                                                                                                                         Matthew 24:36-44 (The Message)

There has always been speculation in the Christian community about the “second coming”, when Jesus will return to earth, and prophecies will be fulfilled. There are many people who speculate on when those “end times” will be, and they point to events that certainly indicate (they believe) that the end times are near. Of course, through the centuries, there have been many events that people could point to as “inevitable signs” of the imminent fulfillment of those prophecies.

Interestingly, Jesus did not seem to put much focus on that event. He said that no one knew, except the Father, when those end times would come. He typically told people, and gave stories about, “occupying well” until that end time comes.

I find it a bit disturbing that people are so intent on looking for that great “end time” event when Jesus will come again. Didn’t Jesus essentially say, “Don’t worry about an event that you cannot know, keep serving and loving people right now where you are”. In the prayer he taught his disciples, Jesus instructed us by saying “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven”.

I understand that to mean that we are to not simply wait until the earth is fulfilled (or destroyed, based upon your interpretation), but we are to work to bring “heaven to earth”. That is, we are to endeavor, through our transformed lives and relationships, to demonstrate what that future Kingdom can look like here on earth.

We will never be able to make the earth “heaven”. We are all quite clear on that! But didn’t Jesus challenge us to try, in our own little way, to make the earth a little better place for those we share the planet with?

So, rather than spending time waiting and speculating on an event whose time we will never know, isn’t it better to ask, “How can I make this present time better for those around me?”

Prayer: Lord, you have given us opportunities to bring Kingdom principles to earth. Help us to focus on what is right before us, Amen

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.  Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.                     I Corinthians 13:11-12

How does your faith grow? Are you in the same place now in your faith as you were 10, 20, maybe 30 years ago? As we grow, we have a different understanding of the faith that guides us. Jesus never changes, but our understanding of him certainly does- or it should.

We have, over our lives, (admittedly, some of us have lived longer than others!), changed in our understanding of God.  We have seen much and experienced much, and through those lenses, we see God acting in the world.

God is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow, but we are not. We grow in our understanding of God. So, I challenge my readers. Do you see God the same way today as you did when you were younger? Has your faith evolved as you have grown in wisdom and grace?

Prayer: Lord, help us to see you clearly, even if we see you differently than we did when we were young, Amen

I was talking with a client the other day and we were discussing his new job and some of his anxiety about starting a new job. I normalized the anxiety of a new job as a natural expectation. We discussed a little bit of the Imposter Syndrome whereby one falsely believes that she/he is really incapable of doing the job, and it is only a matter of time until others find this out. This is typically a form of “new job” anxiety, and it is common, though often not openly discussed.

I then asked him why he thought that his employer hired him. He told me that they probably saw his drive and determination to do a good job. I agreed, knowing him, that this was likely true. I then pointed out to him things he had told me that he had said in the interview- things like, “I will be honest and let you know if there is something I don’t understand or that I can’t do”.

I pointed out to this client that one of the reasons that they hired him was because they saw his character and values. “They can teach you whatever skills you might lack”, I said, “but they cannot teach character and values. Those are things that you bring to the table that they see in you.”  

It was always my practice to hire people of character and principle. I could likely teach them the skills they needed (to an extent), but I needed to know that I had an employee with high character.

My client was reassured, and I am glad that he was. He is a man of character and principle, and I am convinced that the company that hired him made a good choice. People starting a new job need honest reassurance, and I am glad that this man sought it out in counseling.