And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.                                                            Luke 2:1-17 (KJV)

It is only for a few weeks each year that I get to write about Christmas, so I have been writing about Christmas more than usual this year. Why? Well, that’s a good question.  

Maybe it is because we should be keeping in the mindset of Christmas more of the year. Maybe it is because I am aware that there are fewer future Christmases for me to celebrate now. Maybe it is because I like the old classic Christmas movies. And maybe it is because we need seasons like Christmas to harken back to childhood memories which were filled with awe and wonder.

As the Christmas season rolls around, the Christmas movies are dusted off for showing. Familiar favorites, and there are many, are shown, and many of us watch them for the 20^th time. I mean, how do you resist watching Christmas Vacation during this season?  Or maybe A Christmas Story, where Ralphie finally gets his Red Rider BB gun? Maybe it is Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney, Danny Kaye and Vera Ellen in White Christmas? Possibly it is Miracle on 34^th Street, or Dickens’ A Christmas Carol? Could be It’s a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart?  Maybe it is all of them.

I will watch several of those movies this season because it is comfort food for my mind. Like a comfortable pair of old shoes, those movies, and others, provide a soft landing for the reality around us that is so often not kind.

At any rate, I also cited above my favorite old version of the Christmas story from Luke 2.

Enjoy…

I am writing to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name       I John 2:12

Trust must be earned. In marriage, trust typically grows over the years as spouses learn that their partner is the one they can fully count on, no matter what, to have their best interest at stake. That is a fundamental basis of a healthy relationship.

Yet, when that trust is broken, it takes a long time to rebuild it. It takes lots of work, patience tears and honesty to rebuild broken trust, but it CAN be done. I have a fairly large number of marriages where that trust has been broken by an affair. It takes a great deal of courage to enter that rebuilding process- and it is a process.

The good news is that with proper accountability, time, patience and perseverance, that trust can slowly rebuild. I have had two recent marriages where that rebuilding process is now nearly complete. It is an ongoing process to be sure, but one of the milestone events is when the partner who was offended decides to trust the partner who cheated.

This is not easy by any means, but when that offended partner gets to the place of being able to say, “I have decided to trust you again”, the miracle is almost complete. Grace and forgiveness are always a necessary part of the formula. The one who committed the affair will always carry some level of shame, but the forgiveness of the offended one is the key to healing- for both.

So, my friends, this is a hard subject, not to be taken lightly. True healing takes time and hard work by both the offending and offended party. But the end result of a restored relationship is truly a mark of grace at work.  

Prayer: Lord, you are the healer who gives grace to the wounded, Amen.

Our pastor has been doing Advent messages using popular themes of the culture around Christmas, like movies and T.V. shows,. He always brings it back to the true meaning of our Christmas celebration, but he, like me, does not mind sharing the Christmas season with the whole world, regardless of their understanding. I mean, surely we would love others to find the peace and joy of Jesus coming to earth because of God’s love for us, but until people understand the true meaning of Christmas, perhaps they first need to see Christians enjoying our Holy Day as their Holiday.

At any rate, today is the celebration of the feast of St. Nicholas. This was kind of a big deal in my family’s German Catholic tradition, because St. Nicholas would visit homes on this evening and leave little gifts in shoes laid outside the door. I have carried it on to some extent by helping my children celebrate the day with their children.

Traditions around the Christmas season are helpful for our dreary winter days. Gatherings around the holiday season make life more joyful. Traditions and rituals, as I have said before, are reassuring to us. Traditions help alleviate some general anxiety because they are things we can count on. That being said, I hope my readers do not overstress themselves during these days with worries about gift-giving and party hosting.

Just enjoy the season!

And by the way, Happy St. Nicholas Day!

Prayer: Lord, help rekindle our child-like joy of Christmas, Amen

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork                             Psalm 19:1

Over the years in my counseling practice, I have come to increasingly appreciate the value of expressive arts in mental health treatment. Any of the arts- painting, drawing, music, writing, sculpting, etc. (the list is too long to include here) are incredibly valuable ways to give healthy expression.

Why? Well first, we are made in the image of God, and we were made to be curious and creative. Any time we participate in the creative process, we get a little closer to God, I think, and more into fulfilling our potential. On a more practical level, the arts help give us different ways to express ourselves in addition to talking. Expression of thoughts and feelings is critical in maintaining mental health. Having a voice is a basic human need.

Artistic expression reinforces our self-awareness, and allows us to give voice to our inner self. Exploration of our inner self is a journey that distinguishes us from the rest of creation, which does not have capacity for such awareness. However, the created world also expresses itself in natural beauty, and the Bible says that even the rocks can cry out God’s majesty!

As we explore ourselves, we are actually expressing God’s marvel of creation. Sharing that with others is not only healthy, it is essential. Therefore, I typically ask my clients to find the ways that they can best express themselves. We are gifted in different ways, and some have more than one expressive gift. Pick your creative platform, whatever it might be, and just try it out.

It is good for the soul!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the creative Spirit that you have breathed into us! Amen

On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there,

John 2:1

and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

John 2:9-10

Once more he visited Cana in Galilee, where he had turned the water into wine. And there was a certain royal official whose son lay sick at Capernaum.

John 4:46

A sommelier, or wine steward, is a trained and knowledgeable wine professional, normally working in fine restaurants who specializes in all aspects of wine service as well as wine and food pairing.

Wikikpedia

I am an amateur home brewer. I have been brewing beer as a hobby for the last 4 or 5 years, and it is an enjoyable hobby. I have always had an interest in chemistry, and the process of brewing beer allows me to take a small peek into the world of chemical reactions.

It got me thinking the other day about Jesus when he performed the miracle of turning water into wine. I mean, I can turn water into beer, but there is no miracle involved. Actually, the miracle might be that my beer is actually drinkable!

Jesus turned water into wine by a divine miracle, because his dear mother had requested his help. This story reminded me that Jesus was entirely human, as well as entirely the Son of God. He was subject to human impulses, empathy, devotion to his mother, and even the desire to make sure that his host at the wedding feast was not embarrassed. Indeed, the host would have been humiliated if he ran out of wine for his guests!

When Jesus performed this miracle, the wine he produced was of excellent quality. He may be considered the best sommelier of the first century! Jeus cared for people and he became known later as “the one who turned water into wine”, prompting a centurion to approach him for help.

Jesus knew that as we need help, he is available to comfort and encourage, as well as to heal. He also told his disciples essentially, “Guys, people will know that you are the real deal if they know they can count on you in their time of need!”

So, there it is. Jesus as first century sommelier, using his gifts to teach and help us in our time of need. We should go and do likewise.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be available for the needs of others, Amen.

In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe                                  Hebrews 11:1-2

The writer of Hebrews tells his readers that in the past, prophets were the ones who interpreted God’s message to people. That changed when God sent his son, Jesus, to earth to be the messenger of the Father’s grace and forgiveness. Amazingly, or perhaps not so amazingly, that messenger of good news and forgiveness was killed. Seems like we just cannot handle new plans when we are so wedded to old concepts and ideas.  

Jesus knew that would be his fate, yet he decided to come to earth to redeem the people he and the Father loved so much. As we open up the official celebration of Christmas today, the First Sunday of Advent, let us also recall that the sweet helpless newborn we celebrate on Christmas Day, came for the express purpose of Good Friday, and later Easter.

That is the real good news!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the wonder of Christmas, and the miracle of redemption, Amen

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

 So, they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.  When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.  But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.  The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.   Luke 2:15-20

And the sign said “The words of the prophets are written on subway walls, and tenement halls, and whispered in the sounds of silence…”

Paul Simon

Isn’t it interesting that shepherds were the first bearers of the good news of the birth of Jesus into the world. It is my understanding that shepherds were people who lived on the margins of society. They were living in the fields, rough and rugged men who had courage and tenacity. They had to guard sheep from predators, and they had to risk their lives for their flock at times.

The angels sought these men out and gave them the gift of being the first witnesses of a world transformation. It seems fitting that the shepherds, those on the margins, were the first to bear witness of God’s grace.

Throughout his ministry, Jesus came to give the good news to the poor. Here the poor were the first to bring his good news to the world. They were the ones to announce that One who came to give his life for his flock had come. The Good Shepherd had been born.

Prayer: Lord, you would have the poor and marginalized speak the truth to the world! Amen

This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence:         I John 3:19

I saw a client the other day who has been having marriage problems. He related that he often did not know what to say to his wife who wanted him to be more emotionally present with her. He does not really understand the concept, having come from an abusive and rejecting family of origin.

As we just talked about his early years, he began to relate a story about his grandfather, who was the most important person in his life, and possibly the most accepting person in his early life. As we talked, he said that he began to see some things about his marriage, and what is important to his wife. “Family is important to her”, he said.

We had not said anything about his wife, but I wanted to model to him that just being present and sharing thoughts and feelings about important people in our life is presence. Just listening with interest and empathy is presence, and that is something we all need from one another.

I began to think about Jesus coming to earth to be present with us. This Christmas season, as we consider the gift of his presence with us, let’s remember that our presence with others is healing for the human spirit.

Prayer: Lord, give us patience to hear the needs of others, and the understanding that our presence can be healing, Amen.

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.                                                                                                                                                                     Luke 1:38

In former blogs, I have talked about the unique use of the word “grace” (charitoo) used only twice in the Bible. Once it was used as the word to describe the grace given to Mary when she assented to accepting the role of “God carrier” from the angel who declared her to be the vessel to carry Jesus into the world. The other instance is when Paul told the Ephesian believers that they had that same grace to carry the message of healing to a broken world. So, I think we have established that this seems to be a unique calling that we have, akin to Mary’s role as giving birth to the Savior.

It also struck me that Mary had a say in this. This was not some edict that God enforced on Mary. While she had been set apart for this important mission, she did have a decision to make. She did not need to sign up for this assignment that was fraught with pain, anxiety and uncertainty. She could have said “No”.

But Mary did not say no. Because of that, we have a wonderful plan, an unsurpassed story that we celebrate every year. Mary agreed to be the human host of the “Lamb of God”.

So too do we have a say in our part of the plan of being “God carriers”. We can agree to it and bear the costs attendant with it, as well as the rewards of it. Mary’s agreement was the start of God’s plan of redeeming his lost sheep. Our agreement keeps that legacy going forward.

Prayer: Every day we have the opportunity to say “Yes” to your plan. Give us continued grace to do so, Amen.

 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye                                    Matthew 7:3-5

I recently saw a client who is struggling in her marriage. As we talked it became clear that she was feeling resentment for being manipulated by her husband over many years of her marriage. She also recognized that she was complicit in this, allowing such behavior because she is a pleaser who tries to avoid arguments.

After much discussion, she saw that those resentments were her responsibility. Yes, she had allowed her husband’s manipulations, yet she harbored resentments. We discussed the fact that she could control her reactions to his manipulative behavior. He is not a bad man, or even a bad husband, but he does have his own problems, which get played out on her. He needs his reckoning, but that is his responsibility to own. She will not be able to force it on him.

Once she realized that she did have control- of her own reactions, not his behavior- she felt a sense of relief. She will be more aware of her own reactions and feelings in the future. She will give up trying to “read his mind” to ensure that he feels OK, because she is not responsible for his feelings, only her own.

I love it when client’s take good ownership of their own feelings and behaviors, and do not cast blame on others. Yes, we are all broken, and we do things that are selfish and hurtful. When we can take ownership of that, and change our own response, and not expect that we can change others, we get peace.

Prayer: Lord, help us to own our own responses before we blame others, Amen.