Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.                                                                                          Colossians 3:15

I spoke with a client recently who has been feeling somewhat downcast, partly due to some prolonged grief, and partly to some “empty nest” syndrome. Nothing approaching major depression, but disconcerting feelings, nonetheless. She is experiencing loss at several levels.

We discussed this sense of loss as part of our life as human beings- an existential phenomenon. We are all experiencing loss in some ways. We are losing parents, friends, co-workers etc. to death as they grow older. We are experiencing loss of routine as our lives change and evolve- kids grow up, we retire, we have physical losses, etc. We are losing some physical capacity also- we don’t hear as well or see as well as we used to. We have joint pain and some minor losses of mobility as we age. In short, we are experiencing loss. It is part of the human condition.

When we think about our losses, we tend to be thinking of a past that no longer exists. How do we stay in the present, enjoying the moment that we are in? I suggested to this client that we develop a gratitude list of things that we are experiencing in the moment. We get up in the morning and we are grateful for the fact that we can live another day. We are grateful for a warm bed, a shower to clean and refresh us, clothes to wear, that cup of coffee, food, a car to drive to work, for work…

You get the picture. We take account of the things that we often take for granted. Things that are actual blessings that others in the world may not enjoy. Such gratitude keeps us in the present, and not looking back to things we had and lost, (or things we are now losing).

I suggested to this client that she actually begin writing those things down. This exercise helps to focus us on things right before us, and it keeps us in the present more and in the past less.

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for all the blessings that we see, and even those that we don’t, Amen

The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed;
    those who help others are helped                                                      Proverbs 11:25

Did you know that over 30% of the American population is involved in some type of volunteer activity? That feels like a pretty hefty number, and I’m glad of it. Perhaps the number should be even higher.

Volunteering is good for the body, mind and soul. I typically ask my clients to consider, as they are able, some type of volunteer activity in order to enhance their sense of self, and to positively impact the lives of others.   

Indeed, I remember when I was a young counselor and I had a client who was in her mid-sixties, and she complained of depression. I suggested that she seek volunteer work (among other suggestions to deal with grief and depression) to become more socially active, and to find a way to “reinvent herself” after her husband had passed away.

She began to volunteer at the same hospital where the mental health center had its offices. When I left that agency 15 year later, she came to me and thanked me for the suggestion I had given to her so many years before. She was then about 80 years old, still volunteering twice a week at the hospital, and she told me that she had indeed found more purpose, and more energy in her life. She was more focused on the needs of others, and the work fit into her spiritual beliefs about helping other people.

I have, over the years routinely suggested volunteer work to my clients for its many social, spiritual, emotional, and even physical benefits. For those of my readers who regularly volunteer (and there are many who do), thank you for your service.

So, I say to my readers, if you are not in a regular system of volunteering at a church, social services agency, or any of the other myriad options, do it.

You will be glad that you did.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the way that you bless us as we help others, Amen

To answer before listening—
    that is folly and shame.                                                                                           Proverbs 18:13

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. David Augsburger

I recently spoke with a client about listening to his wife. He admitted that he has a tendency to offer advice and solutions before really hearing her out because he is convinced that he can offer better solutions to her, and that they will, more often than not, be effective.

While this may even be true, she feels diminished and marginalized in such situations. To his credit, he sees this and wants to change. In fact, he went to s seminar where the instructor told the audience, just say to yourself, “Shut up, shut up, shut up” when in such a situation.

I suggested that he substitute the words, “Listen, listen, listen”. In order to truly listen, one must exercise certain virtues such as sacrifice, humility and patience.  Those virtues do not come naturally to us, and we must be self-aware at the time to slow down and listen rather than respond.  

Prayer: Lord, give us patience to hear before answering a matter, Amen

All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one               Matthew 5:37

Have I not written thirty sayings for you, sayings of counsel and knowledge,
 teaching you to be honest and to speak the truth, so that you bring back truthful reports
    to those you serve?                                                                                                                                            Proverbs 22: 20-21

Sometimes people get confused about the difference between character and reputation. I am thinking that politicians are particularly susceptible to this, in that they spend a great deal of time crafting their reputation and electability. Reputation is the external part that they want/need to convey and protect.

Character is the internal part of us- our values and virtues that we must cultivate as human beings in order to live successfully and peaceably in this world and with ourselves. Many people spend a great deal of time cultivating and protecting a reputation that may or may not reflect their internal character.

Reputations may fluctuate over time. Sometimes reputations may take a hit when a decision of character needs to be made. None of us is perfect in this realm. Most people care about their reputation- and they should- because it is important to our standing in society.

However, we all need to spend more time in character development than in reputation management. When these forces conflict, when we need to decide whether to do the right thing or the popular thing, character is often vividly revealed.

The current political landscape has left many people deeply skeptical of our elected officials. We have seen positions taken on issues that are simply pandering to a certain political base. We do not truly know what many of those elected really believe and what they are willing to defend. We (they) just know what gets them elected. We are all flawed, but elected office, sadly, seems to bring out the worst in people. Again, this is not all politicians, but the landscape and the position make it an especially dangerous occupational hazard.

Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. What truth there is in that simple statement.

Prayer: Lord, your Spirit is the shaper and protector of character. Help us to yield to that prompting, Amen

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it                                           Proverbs 31:10

As I write this blog today, June 23^rd, it is my 51^st wedding anniversary. My wife Deb and I celebrated quietly, as we typically do. We went to church this morning, went on a walk downtown, planned a little vacation time for December, then sat on the patio by our little pond and read our books.

It was great.

When the book of Proverbs talks about a good woman, the writer was describing my wife. When the writer says her husband “trusts her without reserve”, he is talking about us. We are blessed beyond measure.

We talked about the fact that 51 years ago we had no way of envisioning this future. We were very young (OK, young) and we could in no way, at that time, see the future of two wonderful kids, six terrific grandkids, and a pleasant home in a little town that is filled with friends.

So, I write this to give a testimony of blessing, and as a tribute to my incredible wife who changed my life.  

Prayer: Lord, you have wonderful plans for us. Thank you for your provision, Amen

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.                                                                  I Peter 5:7

I recently spoke with a client who has anxiety, and we discussed some ideas which I usually share with clients struggling with anxiety. I call it the “Anxiety Tool Kit”. The point of having a tool kit is that one can use the tools to work on a project. Working on something like anxiety is just that- using new behaviors to combat anxiety.

I reminded the client that one cannot “think your way out of a thinking problem” such as anxiety. One must behave your way out of the problem. If we can change or manage certain behaviors, we now have control. Control is the antidote to anxiety. So, we discussed several behaviors, over which she has total control, which she can use when anxious. She can then use these to help “behave her way” out of a thinking problem.   

True for all of us. So, when confronted with anxiety, don’t try to think your way out of it- behave your way out of it.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see that there is a solution to every problem if we can see it from the right perspective, Amen

The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.                                 Psalm 19:1 (KJV)

I write this blog on June 20, 2024 at about 6:25 PM. The summer solstice occurred just 2 hours ago. That is the point, for the northern hemisphere, where the Earth is at its maximum tilt toward the sun. That means that this is officially the longest day of the year- the day with the most hours of sunlight in our hemisphere. Yes, wonderful sunlight- it is summer!

I am amazed, as my readers know, with the beauty and symmetry of seasons, and indeed, Creation itself. If that axis tilt of the earth was just a bit off, there would be no life on earth! So today we celebrate the start of summer in the northern hemisphere, and we also celebrate the Creator whose design was perfect. The creatures who populate that earth are not so perfect, but the Creator loves them just the same.   

How cool is that?!

Prayer: Lord, we celebrate the Creation and the Creator! Amen

Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism, but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right.  You know the message God sent to the people of Israel, announcing the good news of peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all.                  Acts 10:34-36

Yesterday was June 19^th. It is the new American national holiday, Juneteenth, which celebrates the date in 1865 when thousands of African-American slaves in Texas found that they had finally been set free. Many of my international readers may not be aware of this event, and indeed, until somewhat recently, a fair number of Americans probably were not well aware of it either.

It was not taught in the schools I attended, and I was about 21 years old when I learned about the significance of that event. My work partner was an African-American woman who explained to me this date, this celebration, as a part of Black culture.

American slavery is not a subject that White America wanted to discuss or make efforts to remember. In fact, the less it was discussed, the less guilty we felt. However, I think it is important to remember the past, not to simply feel guilty, but to understand ourselves and our country in context and in fact. We need to remember that African-Americans, and the indigenous peoples of America suffered greatly as the North American continent was slowly absorbed into an American culture that favored certain ethnic and racial groups over the years.

Yes, America was known as the “Great Melting Pot”, but that was a nice concept that often did not really ring true. Certain groups were favored over the years, and certain people groups were systematically excluded. That is the simple truth.

 So, as Christians, we celebrate the value of people in God’s eyes- that he loves everyone, and is no discerner of people. We are human and we fail in this concept, reverting to our tribal mentality which unfortunately can triumph over total acceptance of others, especially if they do not look like us.

Let us celebrate the beauty of diversity, and use holidays like Juneteenth to do that very thing every year.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us different, but equally important to you- you love us without distinction, Amen

Love and truth form a good leader; sound leadership is founded on loving integrity                            Proverbs 20:28 (The Message)

I recently spoke with a young man who was asking about leadership, and the best ways to be a leader to his young family. I appreciate the heart of this young man, and we discussed his temperament, and the need to be genuine to who he is, and not try to assume a type of leadership role that is not congruent with who he is. Leaders come in all types of styles, and his job is to lead with integrity based on who he is.

I further talked to him about the basic decision that leaders need to make. It is based upon the question, “For whose benefit is this?” Leaders make decisions based upon the needs of their family, not primarily their own desires.

Finally, I spoke with him about his own disciplines. I told him that one cannot lead others without leading themselves. In other words, a person has to be able to make good personal decisions about their own health, their emotional state and their spiritual state before they are fit to lead others.

The fact that he asked this question shows me that this young man is going to be a fine leader. I am happy to see that.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to be the leaders you would have us to be in our family, Amen

A woman who had suffered a condition of hemorrhaging for twelve years—a long succession of physicians had treated her, and treated her badly, taking all her money and leaving her worse off than before—had heard about Jesus. She slipped in from behind and touched his robe. She was thinking to herself, “If I can put a finger on his robe, I can get well.” The moment she did it, the flow of blood dried up. She could feel the change and knew her plague was over and done with.                                   Mark 5:25-29

We recently heard a sermon at church about the time that Jesus healed a woman who had been hemorrhaging for 12 years. We do not know the cause of this, but she possibly had some complication of menopause. The point is, when women were menstruating, they were considered unclean, and she would not have been able to enter the Temple. Indeed, according to Jewish law, whomever she touched would also be considered unclean.

In desperation, she reached out to simply touch the cloak of Jesus as he passed by her. She exhibited great faith in this gesture. When she became healed, Jesus called her out. My speculation as to why Jesus did this was one of compassion. This woman was known to have been unclean for many years, and certainly, she was shunned by others as being ceremonially unclean. Jesus wanted to restore not only her physical health, but her social standing. He wanted others to know that this woman was healed. She could now fully participate in Temple life and she would not be shunned.

I think that healing takes place on all the levels on which we function- physical, spiritual, and emotional. Jesus healed her physically, allowing her to participate in her religious as well as her social life again.

The Creator of the universe wrote the rules of healing, and he was teaching them to us as he walked the earth.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the complete healing that you offer us, Amen