Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights                                        Proverbs 18:15 (The Message)

The way that we consume news has taken on some interesting, but not necessarily good, cultural shifts over the last number of years- actually over the last two or three decades. As we are aware, people seek out news and information from certain personally preferred sources. Social media has, by virtue of algorithms, sent us information that seems compatible with our usual choices. Therefore, we have become consumers of increasingly narrow news sources.

What we know about news these days is that it is not delivered to us as it used to be. In the past, we were typically treated as citizens needing to hear the news. The print media, especially local newspapers were a kind of guardian, being a check on government. That “fourth estate” could generally be relied upon to keep government as honest as reasonably possible.

Now that news producers, and social media, see people more as consumers, whatever information they dispense that will generate more income becomes what they will peddle to a curated consumer audience. Further, local newspapers are rapidly becoming obsolete, removing some of the truth guardrails that used to exist in the news business.

So, now we have news as more of a business than as a way to keep the public aware of the political landscape. News cannot be relied upon as being objective, but it is rather a choice to reinforce accepted views. We need to challenge ourselves to hear views that differ from our own beliefs. Our current beliefs may not be informed by facts as much as by our emotions.

In America, we are inundated with political news that is designed to sell, not necessarily to inform. It takes discipline to listen to all information, from various sources, and then make an informed decision.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to listen well, Amen

“The servant who knows what his master wants and ignores it, or insolently does whatever he pleases, will be thoroughly thrashed. But if he does a poor job through ignorance, he’ll get off with a slap on the hand. Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!                                Luke 12:48 (The Message)

I recently looked at some statistics on charitable giving. Statistics can be interpreted in many different ways, so keep that in mind as I make some sweeping generalizations. I looked at giving in the United States, and I would encourage my international readers to check on giving patterns in your country. By the way, thank you again for my readers in Ireland, Canada, Germany Sweden, South Africa, Belgium, China, and India- as well as several other countries. I appreciate you!

The Bible states that to whom much is given, much is required. So true! Yet consistently, people in lower income brackets tend to give disproportionately more than their wealthy counterparts. Why is that? Probably a lot of reasons. People who attend churches which encourage a tithe may give a high proportion of their income- perhaps 10%.

Another possible explanation is that people with limited means understand the value of helping others who struggle with fewer resources. Those making less than $50,000 a year give more in relation to total income than those in all other income ranges except the highest earners.

Whatever the explanation, know that America is a generous country. Despite political and cultural diversions that tend to divide us, the American people give consistently to charitable causes that move them.

So, my dear friends, keep giving like somebody’s life depends on it.

That may well be the case.

Prayer: Lord, help us to continue to care for your people, Amen

“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.” Psalm 46:10

I often give homework to clients that involves taking a few moments during the day for some self-awareness. Just take the time to be still and reflect. It begins by taking control of breathing – inhale 4 seconds through the nose, hold the breath about 4-5 seconds, and exhale slowly through the mouth for 8 or 9 seconds. Do this several times until you feel relaxed, having expelled more of the carbon dioxide which has built up.

Then, just think about how you are feeling at that moment. Be honest with yourself, you need not share it with anyone else if you don’t want to. Become aware of the feelings you may have. Are they negative feelings in the moment? Angry, scared, hurt, sad, frustrated? etc.

Then just accept that those are real feelings in the moment. Perhaps you feel none of those things. Maybe you are feeling happy, grateful, excited, loving. Just be in touch with what is happening at the moment.

Then decide, “what do I want to do with that feeling?” Do I want to record it like a journal entry?  Do I simply want to be aware of my current state and accept it? Is there something that I could/should do with such a feeling?

Just the honest awareness of our current state is healing. There may or may not be anything that one can do at that moment, but the honest reflection allows us to feel control of our current state. That alone is a healing moment.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the gift of presence and self-awareness, Amen

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,                                      James 1:19

To answer before listening—that is folly and shame                  Proverbs 18:13

I spoke with some clients the other day who really were starting to understand what it is like to truly listen to one another. The woman in the relationship even remarked, “Before, we were listening to be able to respond to the other. Now we are listening to understand one another.”

What a great insight and statement. When we begin to start to formulate our response to another, we have stopped listening and started to respond. It takes a great deal of patience and self-awareness to discern the difference.

 But it makes all the difference in the world.

Prayer: Lord, give us the patience to listen before we speak

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears              Psalm 34:4

I have spoken in the past about various manifestations of anxiety. Anxiety often results in worry and erosion of self-confidence. Chronic anxiety leads to depression. So, what good can come from anxiety? Well, we can leverage anxiety in ways to enhance our well-being when we can learn to manage it.   

For example, anxiety before a test or a presentation can cause us to overprepare. Fear of doing poorly can spur us to prepare more and longer to achieve our desired outcomes. When we are in a new environment and we are not familiar with our surroundings, we may be much more cautious and vigilant. This can potentially keep us safe.

There are other examples, but you get the point. If we can manage the anxiety we have, we can use it to our advantage. I tell my clients that anxiety is your “unwanted travelling partner”. Anxiety is not simply going to vanish, but it can be controlled. Once we make peace with the fact that anxiety is part of our life, we can learn to harness its warnings, to better discern the irrational fears from the possibly valid ones.

Anxiety is a part of everyone’s life. Some have a little, some have a lot, all of us have some. When we can learn to live with it, we can often use it to our advantage. Yes, some anxiety is not easily managed. That is where therapy, social supports, and medication can come in to play.

So, do not despair. That anxiety can be used for benefit- redeemed if you will- for a good purpose.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see that even potential threats can be turned into benefits, Amen

When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.  When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.  Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.                                                                                                      Job 2:11-13

In the Bible, the character Job is known for his suffering. Early in the book, his three friends knew of Job’s suffering, and they decided to visit him, to be available to him in his pain. Their early interactions with him were simple- they just sat with him and cried. This somehow brought relief to Job. They were with him, cared for him, and were simply present with him.

One of the most fulfilling things I find in my clinical practice is the privilege people afford me to walk with them through their most difficult life issues. Yes, this is a privilege because I have been invited in. It takes courage for people to call a counselor. It is an admission of need. It is an act of humility. I have often said in this space, humility is the beginning of wisdom.

We all, as human beings, have that privilege of walking through difficult times with others. Such interdependence is healthy, not a sign of weakness. We are made to be social and collaborative. So, my dear readers, recognize the power of presence. Just being available for one another is a healing thing!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your healing presence with us, Amen

“But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”                                              Matthew 5:48

Jesus said in Matthew 5:48 “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” So, what in the world was Jesus saying there? He wants us to be perfect? Yeah, no chance of that here.

Remember those math equations that plotted curves that come close to the graph axis but never touch it? Yeah, I didn’t either, but there are some equations whose points plot a curve that comes ever closer to an axis without touching it. That might be just like us. We get closer to perfection, and that is the goal, but we never reach it. We will not see perfection in this life on earth.

I think the idea here is that we are not to be perfect, but we are to be on the road to perfection. In other words, we have choices to make. We can decide which roads we will take in life. No matter what road we choose, we will not execute it perfectly. However, the key is choosing the right roads.

The roads we need to take are those that are not the easy roads- the ones which do not challenge us to be the best we can be. The roads we must take are the hard roads which challenge us to make choices larger than ourselves. Those are the roads that are of benefit to others whom we love. Because we have decided that following Jesus is about sacrificing so that others may have access to some of the benefits we have enjoyed, we have then followed Jesus.

Keeping blessings to ourselves is a road we can take, but it will not lead us to the place of perfection that God has intended for us. There cannot be love without sacrifice. It costs something to love others. To the extent that we take roads that lead us toward the way of sharing blessings and helping others to find that road- that is the road to perfection.

Don’t despair, you are not perfect. But make sure to choose the right roads, and you will be heading in the direction God has called “perfect”.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see the roads you would have us follow, Amen

Immature love says: “I love you because I need you” Mature love says I need you because I love you” Erich Fromm

I have an exercise that I give to my couples counseling clients that involves asking five simple questions that they share with one another in order to connect physically, spiritually and emotionally. One of those questions is “What do you need right now?”

A simple question, but an important one for several reasons. First, this gets each one in touch with what their own needs are. Often, we do not stop and think for ourselves what we might need at this moment. We need to first identify what we need before we can ask for it.

Another consideration is that sometimes we unconsciously assume that our partner knows what we need. We somehow expect that our partner can read our mind! It is just fine to identify what we need and then to ask for it. If we do not do that, we may get frustrated, and then we may blame it on the wrong person when that need is not met.

So, asking for what we need may seem like a simple thing- and it can be- but it does take some thought and communication.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us all the tools we need to communicate our needs, help us to use them well, Amen

Dear friend, pay close attention to this, my wisdom; listen very closely to the way I see it. Then you’ll acquire a taste for good sense; what I tell you will keep you out of trouble                                  Proverbs 5:1-2

I recently spoke with a client, who struggles with anxiety, causing her high need for control. As I have said in the past, we are ALL control freaks. We want as much control as we can get. Understandable. The problem is, there are many things out of our control.

I spoke with the client about the idea of problem ownership. The person owning the problem gets to solve it. She has a hard time because she wants to take care of her family, and make everything right. The problem is, she is not the solver of their problems.

I told her that my definition of respect is trusting that other people can solve their own problems. Certainly, we are glad to help when asked- of course! However, unsolicited advice feels like criticism to the receiver of such advice.

So, we all typically have great motives of wanting to help others, but we must first understand, who owns the problem, and who is responsible to solve it.

Prayer: Lord, help us to discern the best way to love others, Amen

God, teach me lessons for living so I can stay the course. Give me insight so I can do what you tell me— my whole life one long, obedient response.                                                           Psalm 119:33 (The Message)

At dinner with a friend the other evening, we were talking about leadership, and I mentioned the great coach Dean Smith. Dean Smith, the Hall of Fame coach of North Carolina University, died a number of years ago, and in his will, he left a unique gift. He had bequeathed to every player who had ever played for him over his career a check for $200. In the letter that accompanied the check, the old coach encouraged his former players to “enjoy a dinner, compliments of coach Dean Smith”. Smith showed in this his gratitude and respect for his old players. They no longer played for him, yet he remembered them and cared for them.  

My friend noted that the late John Wooden, Hall of Fame coach for UCLA for decades, started the year with his new players with a lesson- how to properly tie shoes. This simple, mundane lesson carried a lot of strong messages. It told his players that the smallest details were important. Take nothing for granted. Further, it was a practical life lesson in teaching something to his players that he believed – “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts”.  

I think it also gave the message to his players that things were to be done the way he required them. An example of that was his interactions with former star Bill Walton. Bill Walton was an extremely talented basketball player. He also had his own style and beliefs. When Coach Wooden asked Walton to cut his long hair (this was in the early 1970’s), Bill stated that he would wear his hair long. Walton had been player of the year the previous season, and UCLA had won the national championship. Walton figured that coach’s short hair rule would not apply to him. When Walton contested the coach’s order, Wooden said, “Well Bill, we are going to miss you. You have 15 minutes to get your hair cut”.

Walton hurried to comply!

I love these old stories of great leaders. May we never stop learning!

Prayer: Lord, you have given us teachers and models to guide us. Help us to have the humility to follow them, Amen