Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.                          James 1:12

I was speaking recently with a client who is fighting a chronic degenerative neurological disorder. The disease is robbing her of both physical and mental acuity, slowly but inexorably draining from her the will to fight.

This client is in her 70’s and I acknowledged to her that those of us in our 70’s have a much greater challenge in maintaining our mental and physical edge. She especially, with her neurological condition, finds it difficult to get motivated to move. It takes a great deal of energy input in order to get the kind of results that in the past came almost effortlessly.

The laws of physics tell us that a body at rest tends to stay at rest without an input of energy into the system. That energy must come from our own resources, but all of us need encouragement from others to keep up hope, and to see the need to push ourselves for our own benefit (and that of others too).

As we age, we are challenged, because our bodies are not as efficient at producing and storing energy as when we were 20 or 30, or even 40 or 50! However, the old adage never changes – “use it or lose it”. If we fail to push ourselves, physically, mentally, socially and spiritually, we will gradually lose abilities in those areas. My friends, we cannot afford to do that. Yes, eventually there comes a time when we can no longer push these minds and bodies to those lengths, but we want to stave that day off as long as possible.

So, take heart. Push to keep yourself active in all of those areas. Seek others who will be encouragers to you, and you should encourage them as well. I think that we were designed to keep active as long as possible, and not to give in to inactivity in any area.

So, stay active my friends in whatever ways you can. It is harder as we age, but there is the reward of self-esteem and better health.

Keep your eye on the prize…

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep our motivation, and help others in theirs, Amen

And the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and they listened eagerly to Paul’s message. They searched the Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth.           Acts 17:11

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if anything is excellent, and if anything is praiseworthy, think about these things.                                                                      Philippians 4:8

If you have cruised the internet headlines on some sites, you will find many items disguised as news that are, in reality, “click bait”. You are undoubtedly aware of that phenomenon- click bait- and I say it is destructive to our nation and our soul. Two things, (likely more) that serve well as click bait are political stories, and sex. People are lured into those two hot button items that rouse the brain’s neural response system.

Many problems flow from this, of course. One is, people are drawn into rabbit holes of ads, lies, and lurid stories that typically lead nowhere. Do they edify and build you up? Uh, No. Do they bring us closer to truth? Almost never. Do they make our attitude positive for the day? Are you kidding?

But, they grab our eyes, and that is all that they are intended to do. They also may make us angry, feeding some pre-existing belief that simply reinforces an anger response. The headlines are written to draw us in. “Incredible admission by …”; or “beloved character states why he no longer has faith”; or “terrible news for_______  due to …”

The sex draws are pretty straightforward. Beautiful women, or men, in skimpy clothing are shown in click bait for real estate, medical news of no value, or just because they will get you to click the site – for anything. Sex sells, and anger sells. Unfortunately, truth often does not, especially in an age when truth is in short supply, and sensationalism is rampant.  

The Bible has some answers for this, but then again, truth often is drowned out. So my friends, I urge us all to simply be aware of what the lures are, because we are all drawn to the shiny things we see.

Prayer: Lord, help us to look beyond the surface that the shiny things offer. Help us to seek truth, Amen

 Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.                                                          Philippians 2:5-8 (Living Bible)

Empathy seems to be getting a bad name these days in some quarters. Some church leaders and government officials seem to be saying that empathy is not healthy. They posit that it may be making people weak. Their argument is that “empathy” amounts to a false gospel of “kindness” that enables a culture of “coddling” and “weakness.”

I suppose that any virtue to an extreme can become a weakness. I am concerned however that a fundamental facet of the Christian faith- empathy- may be suffering from a more political definition than a moral one.

The highest example of empathy is the central theme of Christianity- the Incarnation of Jesus. Jesus willingly took on human form and life in order to demonstrate the love of God in the flesh to his creation. He literally put himself in the place of those who are suffering and need a new understanding of what God’s love is.

So, let us be clear about how we discuss empathy. We all need such understanding, and we would all benefit from more of it. To be sure, we must be clear-headed about how we help others, and how we relate to them. However, being able to see the world from another’s perspective is important to our own mental health and well-being, as well as being critical for societal cohesion. Without it, we become insular, indifferent, and maybe even cruel.

So, if we follow the example of Jesus, we will be attentive to the needs of others, and empathy will be the most endearing asset of the Christian life.

Prayer: Lord give us vision and capacity for empathy that is needed in our world, Amen

Let nothing be done out of strife or conceit, but in humility let each esteem the other better than himself                                                                         Philippians 2:3

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will  Romans 12:2

“The more you know, the more humble you become…”                                                  Albert Einstein

As I understand it, the way of Christianity is the way of humility. That is, we recognize that our salvation is not about our own good doctrine or beliefs, or even our good works. It is about the recognition that we are unable to save ourselves. Further, the way of Jesus is that of loving him, and loving one another as ourselves, which was God’s plan all along. The Christian faith (i.e. following Jesus) is about a change of heart, in that we look at the world and its people differently. We now see people (as best we can) through the eyes of a loving Jesus.

If we view the world in this way we begin to ask, “how can I treat this person before me as a loved child of God?” All of God’s creation is precious in his sight. One tribe or nation is not favored, but true wisdom is to see that God sees his creation in a way that we must humbly conform ourselves to. We need to see the world the way that God does. Simple, right? Easy? No.  

This is a simple yet profound mindset. It takes us away from the self-serving mindset that we are all born with. We are, indeed, transformed in our heart, by the renewing of our mind. Yes, simple, but not easy. Humility is the beginning of wisdom. When we know that we cannot save ourselves, we are free to trust Jesus to save us.

He does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

Prayer: Lord, your plans are simple, but not easy. Help us to conform to your worldview, Amen

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver                                    Proverbs 25:11

Sometimes when I talk with clients, I ask them “What gives you Oxygen?” The idea, of course, is “what energizes you, gives you extra reason to persevere, drives you to be your best?” When they have considered that, we discuss ways to increase that “Oxygen” for them.

Then I might ask, “What gives your partner/spouse Oxygen?” Sometimes the client knows what gives their partner such a boost, but they may feel too depleted themselves to offer such Oxygen to their partner. Or, they may feel hurt by their partner, and they knowingly, or unknowingly, withhold that life-giving thing.  

We all need Oxygen, literally, to live. Yet we also need that emotional or spiritual Oxygen too. Consider what your Oxygen is, and what that might be for those around you whom you love.

Prayer: Lord, help us to understand what life-giving things we can give to ourselves, and to those around us Amen

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.                                               Matthew 5:4

Most people who read this blog have some things that they are mourning. Maybe you have lost a dear spouse in the past year or two. Maybe you have experienced the loss of a job, or income or…anything.

We grieve losses, and not all losses are deaths. Indeed, life is filled with little losses along the way. We see the passages and transitions of our roles in life, from childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, then perhaps marriage, having children and the empty nest that almost invariably follows.

We experience changes that are often quite natural, but they feel like a loss- a loss to be grieved in some ways. Indeed, as we age, we are experiencing the loss of our body strength, slower reflexes, less agility, hearing loss, etc. So, we mourn those losses. Certainly, some losses are huge and devastating, but others are part of a natural transition in life.

Jesus said that those who mourn will be comforted. Perhaps he meant here that those who recognize that they have fallen short in the life God would have us to live (i.e. we are all sinners), and when we recognize and own that, we are comforted by his gracious forgiveness. Yes, I’m sure that this is a true meaning of the verse.

But beyond that, there is the integrity of ownership of mourning a loss. When we can be honest with ourselves and others that we are mourning a loss, we can then have the comfort of a God who comforts us, because he is the one who created us to have the capacity to mourn.

Prayer: Lord, you know that we grieve losses as part of life, and you have established the comfort of your everlasting love for us, Amen.

A person’s conscience is the Lord’s searchlight exposing the hidden motives          Proverbs 20:27

I spoke with a client not long ago who was struggling with inadequacy, especially regarding his income. While he was earning a decent living, and was not in debt, he was triggered to feel inadequate when he discussed finances with his wife. After some discussion about this, I asked him what his “self-talk” was about how he felt. How did he internally process the feelings he was having?

He talked about his family of origin, as well as some past financial plans he had made, etc., and I asked him to consider in his self-assessment the difference in outcomes vs. motives. I explained that we often default to looking at certain outcomes in our life- “did this work out well or poorly for me”? At the same time, we often do not consider our motives. Did I mean to do the right and loving thing? Were my intentions geared toward the best interest of my family or others? Did I do the best I could given the information that I had at the time?

These are motive questions. I am a believer that outcomes are not totally under our control, but our motives are. There can be other circumstances that may hinder the outcome that we desire, but our motives are ours, and we must own them. They are totally under our control. If our motives are good (not perfect, they seldom are), then we can give ourselves grace about outcomes. We may be too hard on ourselves for outcomes without considering our motives.

My client considered that, and that was his takeaway from the session. He recognized that he did have good motives, but the outcomes were not always what he had hoped for, and indeed that is what he judged himself upon.  

So, consider motives when judging yourself. Self-aware people do judge themselves, and that is fine, as long as we do it in a way that is balanced.

 That allows us to give ourselves grace in the process.

Prayer: Lord, help us to extend to ourselves a portion of the grace you give to us, Amen

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye                                                                Matthew 7:1-5

Projection: the attribution of one’s own ideas, feelings, or attitudes to other people or to objects Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Jesus was able to clearly outline the mechanism of projection long before more modern psychology had a name for it. The process of ascribing an attribute in ourselves onto someone else, then judging it, has been a part of the human condition since- well, forever.

Jesus correctly called upon people to clear their own eyes before they can accurately assess the problems with someone else. If we have a speck in our own eye, it actually, due to its close presence, looks, and sometimes feels, like a “plank”. It inhibits us from seeing things very well. We are not in a position to be able to see something amiss in another person’s eye, or heart as it may be, to offer a remedy. We need to get our own sight better first. Jesus went on to suggest that once we deal with our own problems, we may well be able to help a brother or sister with the same affliction.

My typical discussion with clients is the need to find personal healing by sharing their story for the benefit of someone else going through the same or similar problem. In this way, we get out of the pity, as well as the projection problems that can beset us, as we work to help another person.

But first, we need to see clearly in order to do that. We own our problems, work to deal with them, then we share our story for the benefit of others.

First step- we get the plank out of our own eye.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the wisdom of Jesus on human nature. He knows us better than we know ourselves, Amen.

It is God himself who has made us what we are and given us new lives from Christ Jesus; and long ages ago he planned that we should spend these lives in helping others.              Ephesians 2:10 (Living Bible)

I was talking with a client recently about legacy, and what impact he will have made in the world. His thoughts were triggered by the fact that he and his wife are childless, and that they will almost certainly not have children. He was wondering what his legacy might be in light of that fact. It is a good and thoughtful question. It is an important question that we all must face, regardless of having our children and descendants as a lasting impact of our time on earth.  

We discussed many other ways to have an impact. He recounted that his own stepfather had made a lasting impact on a boy in the neighborhood who still visits the family some 30 years later. We discussed the ideas of setting up a scholarship fund, or involvement in movements and causes larger than ourselves where our impact is real in the lives of other people.  

Actually, there are many ways that we can impact our world and those around us. I do think that  we must be intentional about making the world right around us better. What a refreshing concept to know that we do have the ability to make our little part of the world better for us having been there, and caring enough to attempt it.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the ability, even the mandate to positively impact our world, thank you.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.                                                                                    Ephesians 2:10

My older brother is a Franciscan priest. He has given his life to the care of the people in his parishes around the country, and he has acquired a good deal of wisdom in his many years of ministry. No, I won’t tell you how many years, but he is older than me, and you all know that I’m old!

When we gather as a family, we four siblings, for a little time of loving one another and catching up, I cherish those times. I know that we are incredibly blessed, at our ages, to be able to travel to meet together. We can share stories about our parents, aunts, grandparents, nieces, nephews, kids and grandkids. You know, family lore, consisting of great memories and lots of laughs.  We have not had all that many such opportunities over the years, largely because Joe, the priest, has been deployed all over the country. We also sometimes happily comment that this may be one of the few times that we could gather lately when a casket was not involved. Such is life as we grow older.

One time Joe (officially as a Franciscan, Father Dennet) gave some words of wisdom as part of his simple yet profound theology. He said that “doing good work is doing God work.” He was making a simple point- loving one another and caring for others is God’s work, done through us.  

So, my dear readers, let’s heed those good words of my brother and do God’s work by doing right things by others.

I say, Amen.

Prayer: Lord, I thank you for family, and times we can be together, Amen