Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.                                               Matthew 5:4

Most people who read this blog have some things that they are mourning. Maybe you have lost a dear spouse in the past year or two. Maybe you have experienced the loss of a job, or income or…anything.

We grieve losses, and not all losses are deaths. Indeed, life is filled with little losses along the way. We see the passages and transitions of our roles in life, from childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, then perhaps marriage, having children and the empty nest that almost invariably follows.

We experience changes that are often quite natural, but they feel like a loss- a loss to be grieved in some ways. Indeed, as we age, we are experiencing the loss of our body strength, slower reflexes, less agility, hearing loss, etc. So, we mourn those losses. Certainly, some losses are huge and devastating, but others are part of a natural transition in life.

Jesus said that those who mourn will be comforted. Perhaps he meant here that those who recognize that they have fallen short in the life God would have us to live (i.e. we are all sinners), and when we recognize and own that, we are comforted by his gracious forgiveness. Yes, I’m sure that this is a true meaning of the verse.

But beyond that, there is the integrity of ownership of mourning a loss. When we can be honest with ourselves and others that we are mourning a loss, we can then have the comfort of a God who comforts us, because he is the one who created us to have the capacity to mourn.

Prayer: Lord, you know that we grieve losses as part of life, and you have established the comfort of your everlasting love for us, Amen.

A person’s conscience is the Lord’s searchlight exposing the hidden motives          Proverbs 20:27

I spoke with a client not long ago who was struggling with inadequacy, especially regarding his income. While he was earning a decent living, and was not in debt, he was triggered to feel inadequate when he discussed finances with his wife. After some discussion about this, I asked him what his “self-talk” was about how he felt. How did he internally process the feelings he was having?

He talked about his family of origin, as well as some past financial plans he had made, etc., and I asked him to consider in his self-assessment the difference in outcomes vs. motives. I explained that we often default to looking at certain outcomes in our life- “did this work out well or poorly for me”? At the same time, we often do not consider our motives. Did I mean to do the right and loving thing? Were my intentions geared toward the best interest of my family or others? Did I do the best I could given the information that I had at the time?

These are motive questions. I am a believer that outcomes are not totally under our control, but our motives are. There can be other circumstances that may hinder the outcome that we desire, but our motives are ours, and we must own them. They are totally under our control. If our motives are good (not perfect, they seldom are), then we can give ourselves grace about outcomes. We may be too hard on ourselves for outcomes without considering our motives.

My client considered that, and that was his takeaway from the session. He recognized that he did have good motives, but the outcomes were not always what he had hoped for, and indeed that is what he judged himself upon.  

So, consider motives when judging yourself. Self-aware people do judge themselves, and that is fine, as long as we do it in a way that is balanced.

 That allows us to give ourselves grace in the process.

Prayer: Lord, help us to extend to ourselves a portion of the grace you give to us, Amen

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye                                                                Matthew 7:1-5

Projection: the attribution of one’s own ideas, feelings, or attitudes to other people or to objects Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Jesus was able to clearly outline the mechanism of projection long before more modern psychology had a name for it. The process of ascribing an attribute in ourselves onto someone else, then judging it, has been a part of the human condition since- well, forever.

Jesus correctly called upon people to clear their own eyes before they can accurately assess the problems with someone else. If we have a speck in our own eye, it actually, due to its close presence, looks, and sometimes feels, like a “plank”. It inhibits us from seeing things very well. We are not in a position to be able to see something amiss in another person’s eye, or heart as it may be, to offer a remedy. We need to get our own sight better first. Jesus went on to suggest that once we deal with our own problems, we may well be able to help a brother or sister with the same affliction.

My typical discussion with clients is the need to find personal healing by sharing their story for the benefit of someone else going through the same or similar problem. In this way, we get out of the pity, as well as the projection problems that can beset us, as we work to help another person.

But first, we need to see clearly in order to do that. We own our problems, work to deal with them, then we share our story for the benefit of others.

First step- we get the plank out of our own eye.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the wisdom of Jesus on human nature. He knows us better than we know ourselves, Amen.

It is God himself who has made us what we are and given us new lives from Christ Jesus; and long ages ago he planned that we should spend these lives in helping others.              Ephesians 2:10 (Living Bible)

I was talking with a client recently about legacy, and what impact he will have made in the world. His thoughts were triggered by the fact that he and his wife are childless, and that they will almost certainly not have children. He was wondering what his legacy might be in light of that fact. It is a good and thoughtful question. It is an important question that we all must face, regardless of having our children and descendants as a lasting impact of our time on earth.  

We discussed many other ways to have an impact. He recounted that his own stepfather had made a lasting impact on a boy in the neighborhood who still visits the family some 30 years later. We discussed the ideas of setting up a scholarship fund, or involvement in movements and causes larger than ourselves where our impact is real in the lives of other people.  

Actually, there are many ways that we can impact our world and those around us. I do think that  we must be intentional about making the world right around us better. What a refreshing concept to know that we do have the ability to make our little part of the world better for us having been there, and caring enough to attempt it.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the ability, even the mandate to positively impact our world, thank you.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.                                                                                    Ephesians 2:10

My older brother is a Franciscan priest. He has given his life to the care of the people in his parishes around the country, and he has acquired a good deal of wisdom in his many years of ministry. No, I won’t tell you how many years, but he is older than me, and you all know that I’m old!

When we gather as a family, we four siblings, for a little time of loving one another and catching up, I cherish those times. I know that we are incredibly blessed, at our ages, to be able to travel to meet together. We can share stories about our parents, aunts, grandparents, nieces, nephews, kids and grandkids. You know, family lore, consisting of great memories and lots of laughs.  We have not had all that many such opportunities over the years, largely because Joe, the priest, has been deployed all over the country. We also sometimes happily comment that this may be one of the few times that we could gather lately when a casket was not involved. Such is life as we grow older.

One time Joe (officially as a Franciscan, Father Dennet) gave some words of wisdom as part of his simple yet profound theology. He said that “doing good work is doing God work.” He was making a simple point- loving one another and caring for others is God’s work, done through us.  

So, my dear readers, let’s heed those good words of my brother and do God’s work by doing right things by others.

I say, Amen.

Prayer: Lord, I thank you for family, and times we can be together, Amen

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.                                                                                Galatians 3:28

Today is St. Patrick’s Day. Whatever your genealogical background, today is the day you reach back and try to find some Irish in your background.  As far as I can tell, there is probably no Irish in my line, or at least not much. However, there are some distant English genes there, so who knows?

There has been a lot of interest in the past decade or so about genealogy, thanks to programs like Ancestry and 23 and Me, and perhaps some other services that offer genetic testing to delve into our distant origins. It is kind of fun to find out how our DNA has been passed on. The interesting thing to me is that we find that our genetic histories show a great deal of diversity if we go back far enough.

So, this St. Patrick’s Day, celebrate your background, even if it is not Irish. Put on a bit of green, eat some corned beef and cabbage, try your luck at a bad Irish brogue, and wish someone a Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

And have a celebration of your own background, no matter what it might be!  

Prayer: Lord, thank you for your plan of diverse backgrounds, united in Jesus, Amen

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets                                                     Matthew 7:12

I was speaking with a client the other day about his relationship with his wife. He is in a good marriage, and the couple has some family challenges which they handle with grace and care. The husband told me that he often does not feel a great deal of warmth and empathy from his wife. He recognizes that she carries a big load in primarily taking care of the children, and also working a part-time job.

We discussed some ideas about enhancing communication, and he found that to be helpful. We later discussed the idea of modeling the type of behavior to her that he would like in return. Much of the communication that we truly pay attention to is non-verbal, as well as tone of voice when words are spoken. I have often said that the experience of warmth comes from effective non-verbal communication- smiles, eye-contact, and gentle touch.

The old concept of treating people the way we would like to be treated gives us a sense of control. We can actually reinforce the things that we would like to experience from others. We can be the model to others of what we expect from them.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be the examples of you in the world, Amen

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens                    Ecclesiastes 3:1

Just a quick observation today. I was recently watching a commercial that featured Kareem Abdul Jabar (whom I originally knew as Lew Alcindor), and he looked old. That is because Kareem Abdul Jabar is old. He is advertising a product that fits my demographic.  Yes, apparently, I am old too.

It does not seem like that long ago that Lew Alcindor broke onto the national scene at UCLA under coach John Wooden, and his freshman team beat the defending national champion upperclassmen Bruins. In those days, freshmen were not eligible to play varsity. Had Alcindor been allowed to play, UCLA would have won the national championship his freshman year.

Alcindor literally changed the game of college basketball. Because of his dominance, dunking the basketball was disallowed for several years- just to level the playing field due to his talent. Later, Alcindor led UCLA to national titles, and later, as Kareem Abdul Jabar, he had earned several NBA championships.

But now, he is an old man, like me. The memories are great, but reality remains. Another generation takes over. I don’t really, in some ways, see myself as old, but when I am in meetings and some other social gatherings, I am the oldest guy in the room.

Funny how we see ourselves just a bit differently than reality, right?

Prayer: Lord, you have been so good to allow us to see seasons of change over our lifetime, Amen

Since we, God’s children, are human beings—made of flesh and blood—he became flesh and blood too by being born in human form; for only as a human being could he die and in dying break the power of the devil who had the power of death.  Only in that way could he deliver those who through fear of death have been living all their lives as slaves to constant dread.

 We all know he did not come as an angel but as a human being—yes, a Jew.  And it was necessary for Jesus to be like us, his brothers, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God, a Priest who would be both merciful to us and faithful to God in dealing with the sins of the people.  For since he himself has now been through suffering and temptation, he knows what it is like when we suffer and are tempted, and he is wonderfully able to help us.                                                                           Hebrews 2:14-18 (Living Bible)

Did Jesus experience fear? Yes, I am sure that he did. He took on life as a human being, and therefore, took on the fullness of humanity. This included all of the human emotions – sadness, anger, hurt, joy, fear, etc. Jesus had voluntarily given up control of certain situations where he could have simply commanded a certain response, and it would have happened. The man who could raise the dead, walk on water, cure the sick, and feed 5,000 people with a few fish and loaves could do anything he chose.

But he willingly gave up control in the end so that he could suffer and die at the hands of the Romans and the ruling Jewish leaders. So, yes, Jesus got angry at injustice and the callous treatment of the poor and oppressed. He became angry at the money changers in the temple who had turned that place of worship into a profit center. And I am guessing that in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before his crucifixion, he was anxious and afraid. He had even asked the Father if that cup of suffering he was facing could be avoided, knowing that it could not.

There are many instances of Jesus experiencing the true emotions of humans, because he became one of us. During this Lenten season, I am reflecting more on how Jesus loved us to the point of joining us here on Earth in all that we do. He had joy, sadness, fear, anger, disappointment, frustration, hope and overwhelming love.

Something to ponder as we approach Good Friday and Easter, my friends.

Prayer: Lord, help us to have more perspective on a love that gave all for us, Amen

That great philosopher, Ted Lasso, said the line “be curious, not judgmental” on his popular streaming series of the same name. Okay, Ted Lasso’s character was that of a soccer coach, not a philosopher, but he was truly good at both.

The series, Ted Lasso, arrived around the time of COVID-19 scourge, and boy, was that series ever needed at the time! Ted Lasso’s (Jason Sudeikis) gentle, optimistic philosophy on life, and his humility and open kindness were a real balm in the midst of the pandemic.

The line, be curious, not judgmental, has often been attributed to the poet Walt Whitman. After some rather cursory research, it appears that this is not actually correct. However, the source does not really matter- the truth of the statement matters.

As I have engaged various friends over the past months about our differing political opinions, the truth of the statement, “Be Curious” keeps resonating. Trying to convince one another is much less important than being curious and trying to understand why others think about things in a different way.  

Of course, this takes discipline and humility, and those are some of the virtues I appreciated most about the character Ted Lasso. I am far from perfect in this, but it is a great aspirational goal.

So, my friends, Be Curious!