Gracious words are like a honeycomb,
    sweetness to the soul and health to the body.                                                                                                              Proverbs 16:24

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.                                                                    Proverbs 17:22

There is, of course, great wisdom in the book of Proverbs. Even though it was written perhaps 2500 years ago (or so), it contains wisdom that is timeless. In today’s blog, I am looking at the power of words. As the book says, words have the power to lift up a spirit or to crush a spirit. From the same mouth can come blessings or curses.

I note that the passage from Proverbs 16:24 indicates that words are like a honeycomb. Later in the book of Proverbs, it alludes to the fact that a “broken spirit dries up the bones”. While this language is meant to be figurative, I really think that there was an allusion to literal physical health. Depression feels like it goes all the way to the bone. We also know that the health of our very blood manufacturing process takes place in the bone marrow. That marrow in the bones is like…a honeycomb.

So, just maybe, those kind words can “get into our bones”- deep into our soul, and heal us. Maybe it is not such a stretch to say that words can be healing and health-giving. Proverbs tells us that words are health to the body, and that a joyful heart is good medicine.

I’m going with words can literally be healing to one another. The more we use those words of encouragement, the healthier we all are.

Prayer: Lord, you have literally given us the power to heal with our words. Help us to use them wisely, Amen

Simon Peter answered, “Lord, there is no one else that we can go to! Your words give eternal life…   John 6:68 (Contemporary English Version)

Disappointed with God. That was the title of a book written by Phillip Yancy many years ago. Do you feel that way sometimes? If so, you’re in good company. The Psalmists, including David expressed such feelings very clearly and openly to God in their writing and in their prayers. Other Bible writers expressed that sentiment also. If you’re honest, there were plenty of times you felt that way too.  

The fact that we can be open and honest with God about such disappointment speaks to the very relationship that we have with him. Hiding those feelings from others, and ourselves, is not healthy. Sharing such disappointment with God is not only honest, it is proper. The fact that we can even be disappointed says that we have expectations of God to be part of our life. He simply does not always react the way that we would want or like.

The hard part is to “trust him anyway”. That is what the Psalmists usually ended up saying. I mean, what else can we do? As Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, there is no one else that we can go to! Your words give eternal life…”

So, it is, in my humble opinion, good to let God know that we are hurt, sad, disappointed- whatever it may be. He already knows that anyway. But we also know that we must “trust him anyway”, because truly, there is nowhere else to turn, and he has the words of eternal life.

Prayer: In the words of Peter, we know that you are the person that we turn to, and to “trust in anyway”, no matter the circumstances, Amen

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt                                          Abraham Lincoln

But even so their evidence conflicted. So, the High Priest himself got up and took the center of the floor. “Have you no answer to make?” he asked Jesus. “What about all this evidence against you?” But Jesus remained silent and offered no reply.                                                                                     Mark 14:59-61

The value of silence. I wrote a few weeks ago that when Job had all his troubles, his friends came and just sat with him without saying a word. Job felt their presence and he was comforted, even though they didn’t speak.

Jesus, standing before his wild-eyed accusers who were making up vicious and untrue stories about him, was silent. In so doing, he gained power. They became desperate, angrier- and louder. There is an old saying that some attorneys have- When you have the facts, pound the facts. When you have no facts, pound the table! Somehow, we believe that if we just get louder, we can be heard better. The truth? The softer we speak, and the less we speak, the more people listen.

I am reminded of Jesus being silent before his accusers as we are in Holy Week. We recall again the dignity and character of Jesus as he was falsely accused. He knew who he was, and he knew the truth. That is what mattered to him.

So, as we engage others in disputes or disagreements, the discipline of silence and soft words has high value.

People can often hear our words better when they are unspoken.

Prayer: Lord, give us discernment about how and when to speak, Amen

So, he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables

John 2:15

So, yes, I think the passage above allows us to say that Jesus was pretty mad. He took the time to make a whip to herd out the animals, and he threw out the coins and overturned the tables of the money changers. This action was not just a spur of the moment thing. Jesus had witnessed this, I’m sure, many times. Finally, he got tired of how people were misusing what was meant to be a place of meaningful worship, and had turned it into a carnival of greed.

This passage is often cited as the justified anger of Jesus, and rightly so. Jesus got angry when the right use of things became perverted, and therefore diminished the proper meaning of them. People can get discouraged when this happens, and they can lose faith in leaders. Jesus became quite upset when the simple faith of people became a point of manipulation for those who would profit off those trusting worshippers.

The fact that Jesus got angry is representative of his human nature. He owned it, and he used his anger to try to rectify a wrong. Unfortunately, much of our human anger is for far less noble causes. Worse, we often do not even properly own our anger, but we call it something else. Like, “I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated!”.

Well, the truth is, frustration is a combination of anger and inability to effect change. There is nothing wrong with it- it is normal to our human condition. I just think it is a bit healthier to recognize that there is anger as part of that emotion. We often do not want to own the fact that we are angry. Anger isn’t the problem. The problem is “what causes us to be angry?”

If our anger is kindled because of someone being wronged or hurt, that’s one thing. If it is because we don’t get what we want? Well, that’s another thing. Let’s just consider, “What are the things that trigger my anger?” Then we can get to a better place of dealing with it.

Prayer: You have given us the richness of emotions. Help us to recognize them and use them in a healthy way, Amen

I thank my God every time I remember you…                                                                                                         Philippians 1:3 (NIV)

It is hard to believe that this daily blog will be one year old on April 1, 2021. The COVID shutdown was really starting to squeeze us, and I decided to begin writing a daily blog on April 1, 2020. The blog was, as it turns out, actually about helping my own mental health, and hopefully, that of my readers.

 The blog is about mental health perspectives, with an emphasis on holistic care which includes spiritual, physical, and emotional health. I hope that it provides encouragement, as well as the healing perspectives that we all need as we travel on this journey together.

I am so grateful for my beloved readers, who tap in from various parts of the globe, including faithful readers in the United States, Ireland, China, France, Germany, Singapore, Netherlands, India, UK, and the Philippines. Love to all!

So, on April 1, 2021, this daily blog is a year old. It also happens to be Opening Day for the Cincinnati Reds, my baseball obsession since I was a child. Of course, the Reds have been doing this since 1869, so, I have a way to go!

Blessings to all, and I hope to continue to keep in touch…

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the opportunity to reach brothers and sisters all over the world. What a blessing to be able to have a world that can be connected in this way, Amen

A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—
    and how good is a timely word!                                                                                                         Proverbs 15:23

One of the types of homework that I often give to clients, that is my “couples clients”, is the “3 Questions”.  I find that many couples, in their busy schedules, often do not spend intentional time together. Sometimes, they just need a specific plan and format to connect with one another, so I give them this simple formula.

They are to set aside 15 minutes every day for one another. During that time, they are to ask one another, in this order, the 3 questions. Those questions are: “What is the best thing that happened to you today?”  “What was your biggest challenge today?” “Where did you see God today?”

This simple exercise can get the couple connected on a more than surface level, and it can be done in a minimum of time. Of course, they are allowed to spend more than 15 minutes on this, and I hope they do, but the regular intentional decision to connect is really the important thing.

I add that if they feel like they can hold hands and briefly pray together, so much the better. In this way, they have connected physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

So, the exercise is simple, but the hard part is being intentional and disciplined about doing it. If they do this every day for a week, it can become a habit. And, as they say in the recovery community- it works if you work it.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us communicating people. Help us to be intentional with those whom we love to connect daily and deeply, Amen

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life                                                                                               Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

I recently saw a couple in marriage counseling, and at the end of the session, I wanted to give them some added encouragement. They have been struggling for some time, and I felt that they needed an extra boost. So, I told them that I have seen, literally, multiple hundreds of couples over the years. Based upon my experience, I told them that there was every reason that we could be successful in our endeavors, and that they have worked hard and shown perseverance. I further suggested that if they continue to work the plans we have all laid out, there is no reason that the marriage could not only be restored, but that it could prosper better than they had ever imagined.

I said this because I believe it. I also said it to give them hope, because they had seen little hope over the past several years. I noticed that the wife had tears in her eyes, and then she just let them flow. She thanked me for the confidence I had in them, and for saying out loud that this marriage could be renewed, and that it could prosper like it once had.

One of the most important jobs that counselors can do is give hope. The belief that things can get better is often just the impetus needed to make that positive change happen. Without hope, people can give up, and so, to the extent that we are able, we must continue to give people hope for a better future.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us hope for a future. Help is to spread that to others, Amen.

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”                                                       Mark Twain

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.                                                                                                          Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

This quote from Mark Twain bears a lot of truth in its humor. Twain is saying, in his own inimitable style, that most of the worries we have never happen. Sometimes we worry because we think that we have some sort of unspoken need to pay attention to some situation, or possibility, and therefore, we can have some measure of control over it. Almost like saying, “Well, I did my job of worrying about that so I’m not going to be blindsided by it!”

We worry because it gives us the illusion of control. As I have discussed earlier, control is the antidote to anxiety. Where there is high anxiety, there is a perceived need for high control. We tell ourselves that if we control every possible scenario, we can somehow fend off some bad outcome.

Sometimes, over-control is good. We “overstudy” for the test to minimize test anxiety. Not a bad strategy, but it’s not fool-proof. Nonetheless, it serves a good purpose, and it likely is a helpful idea.

 On the other hand, some over-control causes more problems than it solves, such as hoarding behavior or agoraphobic responses where people simply try to never leave their home. We also know that some behaviors, like superstitions, do not help outcomes, but we do them anyway for our own comfort- you know, just in case.

Like, maybe that thing of never washing the socks you wore when you pitched that shutout last year. Or never stepping on the foul lines in baseball. Or dribbling exactly six times before you shoot a free throw. Let’s not blame the athletes for their superstitions. We all do stuff that really doesn’t help anything other than make us feel like we exercised some control where we felt we had none.

So, keep in mind Twain’s quote. Much of the stuff we worry about just isn’t going to happen. Of course, if it makes you feel better, it’s OK to keep that lucky coin in your pocket!

Prayer: Lord, we know that you have given us access to you in prayer at all times. Thank you for that provision, Amen

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track                                                                                           Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)

There is an old illustration about trusting and believing that I think is apropos in both the Christian life as well as in counseling. The illustration goes something like this…

Picture a chair in the corner of the room as my friend and I enter. I point to the chair and I ask my friend if they believe that the chair is sturdy. It is an old wooden chair that has seen better days, but it still seems somewhat serviceable. Then I ask…

Me: “Do you believe that old chair could hold you if you sat on it?”

Friend: “Sure, I think it will”.

Me: “So, you believe that chair can hold your weight, right?”

Friend: “Sure, I believe it will”.

Me: “OK, go ahead and sit in it”

Friend: “Well, I’m not sure I want to do that”

That is the difference between believing and trusting. Just believing in something involves no real commitment to it. However, trust means that we will act on the belief with assurance of the outcome.

Our Christian faith asks us to trust fully in God, not just believe certain doctrines of the faith.

In counseling too, belief is a passive, almost “observer” position. Trust is willingness to act on what we believe in order to effect change. Change will come from consistent behaviors toward a goal. Mere belief that such change can happen because we hope it can, is usually not enough to effect real changes- in mood or situation.

A client believing that the homework I give to them will work is not effective until or unless it is acted upon. If medication is prescribed, mere belief in it does not work until one actually takes the medication.

Prayer: Lord, you have asked us to trust in you in all things. Help us to lean on you in trust, Amen.

Damascus Road…

All this time Saul was breathing down the necks of the Master’s disciples, out for the kill. He went to the Chief Priest and got arrest warrants to take to the meeting places in Damascus so that if he found anyone there belonging to the Way, whether men or women, he could arrest them and bring them to Jerusalem.He set off. When he got to the outskirts of Damascus, he was suddenly dazed by a blinding flash of light.                                                                                                                                                               Acts 9

Emmaus Road…

That same day two of them were walking to the village Emmaus, about seven miles out of Jerusalem. They were deep in conversation, going over all these things that had happened. In the middle of their talk and questions, Jesus came up and walked along with them. But they were not able to recognize who he was.

Back and forth they talked. “Didn’t we feel on fire as he conversed with us on the road, as he opened up the Scriptures for us?”

Then the two went over everything that happened on the road and how they recognized him when he broke the bread                                                                                                                                         Luke 24

There is an analogy that has been used over the years to describe how people can come to a deep knowledge of Jesus. The analogy involves two famous Bible stories of how different people came to a clear understanding of Jesus.

One road is the “Damascus Road” where Paul encountered a blinding vision of Jesus that immediately turned his life in a completely different direction. Where he once was a persecutor of this new cult of Christians who were defying his beloved Jewish faith, he now became the chief evangelist of the Jesus whom he now knew for the first time.

The other road, the “Emmaus Road” experience is one where Luke and Cleopas, who were followers of Jesus, encountered Jesus in a much different way. As they were walking together, commiserating how their friend Jesus was now dead, having recently been crucified, Jesus came alongside them, unrecognized by the grieving pair. Gradually, they became aware that this person was telling them some deep truths. They finally actually “saw him” when he broke bread with them, and their eyes were spiritually opened in a new and profound way. Their process of knowing Jesus was a gradual one. Paul’s process was immediate and dramatic.

The point is, we cannot truly prescribe how people should come to know Jesus. There is no one right way to meet him. While Jesus is the way to understanding God, there are many ways to come to know Jesus.

So, don’t worry about the road on which you meet Jesus. Just make sure that you are open to meeting him on your journey.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us many paths to walk, and we thank you for the diversity that you afford us as we seek the love of Jesus, Amen.