A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.                                                                                        Proverbs 22:3

Sometimes it happens. “A behavior that our words cannot get us out of”. Those were the words a client recently told me when we were discussing her friend who recently died. This man had done something- she didn’t say what it was- that alienated him from family, and he never regained relationship with them. Now he is gone, and she is grieving.

I thought her choice of words was interesting. Behaviors do speak louder than words, and perhaps this behavior of his was just part of a series of poor judgments. She alluded to that. Yet, those words seemed so poignant to me.   

I am of the belief that there is a remedy for every problem, that second chances are always there. In God’s eyes, I believe forgiveness reigns. Yet, behaviors have consequences that last, and even when there is forgiveness, relationship may never be restored.

So, a cautionary tale for all. Our bad behaviors can have lasting consequences. The good news is, our good behaviors can have lasting consequences too. Let’s concentrate on those good behaviors that can last. One little kindness can change a day, a week, a lifetime.

Prayer: Lord, keep us mindful of those actions that can have long-lasting consequences or long lasting benefits, Amen

Though they have been going through much trouble and hard times, they have mixed their wonderful joy with their deep poverty, and the result has been an overflow of giving to others.                                                II Corinthians 8:2

The Dead Sea (what a name) is a salty lake in the Jordan Valley in Israel. It is incredibly salty, with almost 10 times the salinity level of the ocean. This body of water is one in which I could actually swim, if you can call it that. Even non-swimmers like me can float on this briny water.

The Dead Sea is “dead” because it has inlets, primarily the Jordan River, but no actual outlet to another body of water. Because of this lack of continuous water exchange, and due to the high heat and low altitude basin, the Dead Sea accumulates minerals, but does not sustain much life. Too salty.

The metaphor here has a truth for us. Bodies that do not have an outlet, but just take in resources, tend to stagnate. Healthy organisms have a dynamic rhythm of give and take which provides balance. We produce an output from what we consume, in order to maintain health. We give things away which we have received in order to maintain the chain of life.

So, as they say in the AA 12^th step, “You can’t keep it unless you give it away”.

Yep. 

Prayer: Lord, you provide opportunities for us to give, which ultimately gives us health, Amen

“I always knew that deep down in every heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.

Nelson Mandela, (A Long Walk to Freedom)

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.                                    John 13:34-35

I’ve been listening to a podcast about the human brain, and it is fascinating. Once again, I am struck by the complexity and grand design of our body, and especially the brain. The author talks about use of the word “hardwiring” that is sometimes used in discussing brain function and he says that “livewiring” is a better word, because the brain is always compensating to adapt to circumstances in our life. I cannot go into all the amazing details, of course, but suffice it to say, it got me thinking about learning.

We are learning all the time. We are adjusting and compensating for the things that life throws at us. Our brain is constantly giving us sensory messages about our environment. We can also learn more important emotional skills to navigate this world so that we can become more of what God intended us to be- loving people. We are not born hating other people. That, unfortunately is learned.

When we continually use a certain part of our brain- when we “overlearn” something- it tends to endure and almost become second nature. It comes easily to us after much practice. So too with doing loving things. The more we practice loving behaviors, the more we feel love.

You know my mantra if you are a regular reader of this blog- DO, THEN FEEL. If we do something enough, we will feel like doing it. If I act lovingly, I begin to feel more loving.

So, that is what we are called to do. Learn to love better. That is what we were created to do.

Prayer: Father, you have made us to love one another. Help us to learn how to do that daily, Amen

To answer before listening—
    that is folly and shame.                                                                          Proverbs 18:13

I had a discussion with a client the other day about her interactions with her husband. She noted that they can easily get into a defensive posture with one another when they are talking about some relational matters.  

This got me to thinking about my own method of communication. When I am in discussion with others, am I in “convincing mode” or “listening mode”? When we are in “convincing mode” we are not as able to hear the views of another. We are more intent upon getting the other person to accept my way of seeing things. This is not a bad thing- we all want to be heard and have influence on others. Yet, when we are full-on in convincing mode, we just don’t hear another’s viewpoints quite as well.

So, it is important to hear another, to be in “listening mode”, before we get into convincing mode. Self-awareness is important in having real discussions with others, of course. Then we can have full understanding and better, more meaningful and fulfilling conversations.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see the mode we are in, and always listening to your wisdom first, Amen.

“The Spirit of the LORD is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free                                                                                            Luke 4:18

In past blogs, I have discussed the subject of “stories”. More specifically, I referenced the parables of Jesus as he went about sharing truth to people in ways so that they could readily understand him. His society was not a particularly literate one. Reading and writing were more for the educated elite, like the scholars who taught in the temple and synagogues.

Jesus was often angered by the behavior of the educated elites of the day. Many of those teachers and leaders used their power and wealth for the benefit of the few, and certainly not for the poor. That is what made Jesus so radical. He came, as he said to “proclaim good news to the poor”. So, it certainly made sense that Jesus spoke in the language that the poor and uneducated could readily understand. He told stories and parables to instruct and inspire people.

One of the ways to get at the truths in those parables is to have someone get into the place of one of the characters in the story. I have clients sometimes consider some of those parables from the viewpoint of the character, not as the listener of the story. How different is it when someone, for example, can get into the mind of one of the brothers in the Prodigal Son story? Maybe the characters in the story of the Good Samaritan. These two parables have transcended time and culture to become part of the literature and wisdom in places where Christianity is not well known. These are human interest stories which can be felt by anyone.

Sometimes it is easier to become aware of feelings when we can distance it from ourselves. We somehow have “permission” to express what that might be like without owning it for ourselves. My goal is to get people willing to just look at what is really going on in their mind and heart. It takes courage to do that.

Stories can help.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the timeless truths found in the teachings of Jesus, Amen.

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

 “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead?  Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not!  So, if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

Matthew 7:7-11(New Living)

In thinking about prayer today, I realized that I have my own ideas how God should answer me. I’m human, so I kinda think like that. But, expecting that God will play by my rules and plans, however great I believe that they are, is not going to happen.

However, I am encouraged by the verses from Matthew above. Those verses talk about persistence, but they also talk about a process. The verses above hold a promise that God does hear our prayers, and that “everyone who asks, receives”. Now, do we get exactly what we want? No. But seekers will actually find a response.

I liken this process to being lost and asking for directions. First, there is humility in asking for directions when lost (am I right guys?) Once we ask and patiently and intently listen to the directions, we proceed to seek the destination. The promise is that we will finally find the place we are looking for, as long as we follow the directions well.

Then we are to knock. If you get to the door of the place you are seeking, but you don’t knock, how will someone know we are there? We need to have the courage to knock on the door.

So, there it is. Have the humility to ask God for direction, knowing we cannot get there ourselves. Follow the directions carefully, and we will get to a good destination. Finally, have the courage to take action on the request, even if it seems scary or difficult.

The final verses give another promise- the Father who loves us is not going to send us to our destruction, he wants good things for us.

Prayer: Lord, you love us and want the best for us. Help us to have the persistence to keep seeking, Amen

^“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.                                                            Genesis 50:20-21

I call it The Redemptive Principle. The passage in Genesis 50:20 embodies the principle of redeeming something bad into something good. I use this often with couples to explain that, for example, a seemingly devastating problem in the relationship can actually become the start of a healing that never could have happened unless the traumatic problem had occurred in the first place. The relationship can be better than it ever could have been had the problems not occurred. We see this time and again, not just in relationships, but in tragic life events. Life altering suffering can work toward long-term good.

In the story of Joseph, had his brothers not treated him so badly- selling him into slavery after planning to murder him- he would not have been in the position of later saving them, and much of the Middle East area from starvation. Joseph himself had the presence of mind, and the influence of the Holy Spirit, to see the events in a larger panoramic. He saw that the evil actions of his brothers had been used by God for the salvation of many, including his nefarious brothers.

At the time of our trauma or tragedy we, of course, are unable to see the long-range arc of God’s redemption of those events. Much later, we can often look back and see God’s hand clearly in the process. Faith dictates that we anticipate that God has his hand on the process for his glory, and our good. This is hard to do. I tell my clients that I do not expect them to see this now. It would be unfair to burden them with this at the time of their pain and suffering. But I ask them to trust that there CAN be a greater outcome than ever could have been if the trauma had never happened. The relationship can be stronger than it ever could have been had the problems never occurred.

Naïve? Pie in the sky? No. I have seen this so many times that I am convinced of the truth of this principle. Yes, it takes time and perspective to see this principle come to fruition. Is it possible?

Yes!  If we allow such thinking, and we work in anticipation of that possibility.

Prayer: Your hand is at work in ways that we cannot understand, but we trust your provision for our ultimate good, Amen.

Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.                                                                               Philippians 4:9

For those of us of a certain age, this plea- “Give Peace a Chance” from the John Lennon song title, harkens us back to an earlier time of anti-war sentiments during the Vietnam conflict. As I was listening to a podcast this morning about anxiety, the speaker was Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience. Her views about how to handle anxiety were remarkably similar to mine.

 I was reminded of the idea of giving anxiety a chance- giving it a chance to be our ally and not always an enemy. Hence, “Give Peace a Chance” becomes “Give Anxiety a Chance”. Meaning, give anxiety, that often- unwanted traveling partner, a chance to be a helper sometimes.

Anxiety is like an early warning system to danger. Often, the danger is not actual, but potential. However, the anxiety persists like a bundle of energy ready to be let out. So, instead of bottling it up and letting that energy build to an unbearable level, we need to expend that energy.

We do that by first paying attention to the anxiety. It might be giving us some early warning about danger. When we take the time to make the anxiety present, by recognizing it, we pay attention to what it might be telling us. Maybe the anxiety is letting us know to pay attention to things we can control. If so, our actions can actually benefit us and also help to relieve the anxiety. If the anxiety is about things we cannot control, we recognize it for what it is. An early warning system that perhaps fired too early or too often.

By giving the anxiety a chance- by listening to it- we can determine what it means. What we cannot do is to quickly try to avoid the anxious feelings. That produces more anxious feelings.

Releasing that anxious energy by certain positive actions helps to dissipate the frenzied thinking that anxiety often produces. Think of a balloon that is gradually increasing in size as air is supplied to it. That air builds up, causing great tension on the surface of the balloon. If we allow the process to continue, the tension eventually causes the balloon to burst. However, if we slowly let air out of the balloon, it decreases in size, tension reduces, and the air has been safely released.

So, by giving the anxiety a “chance”, recognizing it, then taking action on it, we have a chance to get peace. So, give peace a chance!

Prayer: Lord, you give us peace, even in the middle of trouble as we turn to you, Amen

Paul stood up in the middle of the council on Mars Hill and said, “People of Athens, I see that you are very religious in every way. As I was walking through town and carefully observing your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: ‘To an unknown God.’ What you worship as unknown, I now proclaim to you. God, who made the world and everything in it, is Lord of heaven and earth. He doesn’t live in temples made with human hands.                                                                                  Acts 17:16-17

In this present era, we experience a type of communication where people are talking across one another instead of to one another. We see Paul as an example of one who knew how to engage people. Paul had a message of good news which he desperately wanted to share with people, because he believed that spiritual life and death were at stake. Instead of demeaning and mocking the primitive beliefs of the idol worshippers at Athens, Paul showed respect for them in their search for truth. He acknowledged their sincere search for truth, and he showed his interest in their culture. He walked around the city and observed what was important to them. He did not judge them, but pointed out and affirmed their own desire to know the “unknown god”. The Athenians were open to the idea of a god that they did not yet know, and they had made idols to various gods. However, in the interest of not leaving any out lest they anger one of those deities, they made an idol to the “unknown god.”

Paul was able to use their own language and concepts to help introduce them to the God that could offer them peace and salvation. He did not mock their feeble attempts to placate the unknown god, he introduced them to the God of their need, the God that they sought and did not yet know.

Paul’s approach is needed today. We need to listen, and understand the language of people with whom we disagree. We need not, and should not, shame and dishonor those with whom we disagree. We need to love them enough to hear their world view. It may be very different from ours, yet people come to a particular world view for a reason. It is arrived at due to a journey different than ours oftentimes.  

As we enter the heated environment of political rhetoric which is so visible these days, let us pause to understand that with which we disagree. You will read, if you complete the 17^th chapter of Acts, that Paul gained a hearing from the people of Athens because he cared enough to hear their story and their world view, different as it was from his. Let us be intentional in respectfully hearing views with which we disagree.

It is good for our soul, and the souls of those whom we love and yet do not agree with.

Prayer: Lord, grant us the patience to hear what we do not agree with, and the grace to patiently share your love, Amen.

The generous will prosper;
    those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.                                           Proverbs 11:25

Funny how it works sometimes. I had been thinking about the 12^th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous, which states- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Then the passage used at church for today’s message was Proverbs 11:25. Perfect, right?

The 12^th step is the “give it away step”. The principle is, that by helping others, we end up helping ourselves. For recovering alcoholics, it means that helping another alcoholic stay sober anchors the sobriety of the one who is helping. This concept is foundational in recovery work, especially AA, which literally wrote the book on recovery. Service to others is good for the one who is serving.

The saying that a lot of AA members use is “you can’t keep it unless you give it away”. There is a lot of truth in that statement. The paradox that we live in every day is that very truth. By serving others, we gain life ourselves. Funny how that works…

Finally, I realized that this blog will appear on June 6- the 78th anniversary of D-Day. Those Allied soldiers who gave so much that day served in a special and heroic way. Some of those heroes never came home. Their sacrifice gave so many the opportunity for freedoms that we enjoy today.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the lessons of paradox, that when we are weak, then we are strong. Help us to better understand your ways, Amen