We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us…                                Romans 12:6a

I was speaking the other day with a client who was talking about her frustration about not being able to articulate well her opinions about certain decisions that she and her husband need to make. They are “wired” differently in how they perceive the world. She is much more intuitive in the way she approaches decisions. Her husband is much more linear in his thinking.

He is prone to more logical processes, whereas she may be more circuitous in how she arrives at her conclusions. He can articulate his position in a more straightforward fashion, whereas she may take a more peripheral route to her explanations.

This I felt was a good example of left-brained v. right-brained thinking. These are tendencies where basic orientation of how one perceives the world shapes the way we problem solve. The left-brained orientation will lean toward logic and linear thinking. Novel approaches to problem solving are more likely to come from the right-brained person. Connections for them may not be as straightforward, but hold the possibility of novel solutions- ones that may not appear obvious to others.

Because her husband sees the world in a more straightforward, logic-driven way, he cannot always understand her way of thinking. She also has trouble explaining herself to him because they, in some ways, speak a “different emotional language”. My client struggles with this, and often ends up simply giving in, believing that she is probably wrong because she cannot explain her own internal logic to him.  

I explained to her that her thinking pattern is not wrong, just different. She is beginning to see this, and we are working on ways for her to better understand herself.

So many times, we see differences in people and assume that something is wrong. Isn’t it great that we are so different as we reflect the full image of God’s creation?

Prayer: Lord, you have made a diverse world, one that reflects your creative Spirit, Amen  

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
    I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.                                                                   Jeremiah 31:3

While cutting the grass yesterday – yes cutting the grass!- I listened to good old Pandora music. I heard so many great songs on the Petula Clark station that I curated. One of them was her classic “My Love”. When I was listening to the refrain lyrics, it occurred to me that this was a pretty good summary of how God loves us.  Here are the words:

My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine

Softer than a sigh

My love is deeper than the deepest ocean

Wider than the sky

My love is brighter than the brightest star

That shines every night above

And there is nothing in this world

That can ever change my love

So, those of you of a certain age will not only read these words, you will sing them, because you can’t help yourself. Insert the idea that this is God’s song to you.

It will make your day…

Prayer: Lord, your love for us is just like that! Amen

Today is April 1. This date, of course, is also known as April Fool’s Day. Most of us have been the recipients of gags on this date, and some are memorable, because we really got taken in! I recall that time, some 30 years ago, when I worked at the Alcohol, Drug and Mental Health Services Board in Montgomery County, Ohio as Director of Mental Health Services. That April Fool’s Day I really got hooked.  One of my staff, Jeff, gave me one of those pink telephone message slips (trust me, they were a thing) that said I needed to call the Montgomery County Morgue.

Given that our department may need to investigate an unusual death situation, I decided to call the morgue. The problem is, I did not pay attention to the name given to call- a miss “Myra Maines” at the morgue. Yes, you are ahead of me aren’t you? I called the Montgomery County Morgue and asked for “Myra Maines”. The woman who answered, (and my staff) had a great laugh at my expense. I couldn’t believe that I had fallen for it, but I had. It did make the day for a number of people, so I guess it all worked out just fine!

April Fool’s Day is celebrated by many countries around the world. Some cultures have the same concept, but don’t necessarily celebrate it on April 1. So, don’t fall for the “Myra Maines” thing this year like I did many years ago.

April 1 also has a celebration attached to it for me this year. This day marks the five-year anniversary of the blog Reflections of a Counselor. I started the blog at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic as a way to survive, and to help others survive, the pandemic. We just never stopped from there!

This blog could never have lasted without you, my readers, who have been so supportive and kind in reading regularly. For that, I deeply thank you.

Blessings on our journey together for another year!

John

Depends on How You Look at it…

Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
 He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
 He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.   

Isaiah 53:1-3 (NIV)      

I have always been struck by this passage from Isaiah. The writer anticipates the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, and he paints a picture of him that many would not recognize. This Messiah is one who “had no beauty or majesty.” Nothing in his appearance would draw people to him. In short, he is not the one people were looking for to redeem the land of Israel and Judah. 

In fact, he was “despised and rejected” by mankind. He was a man of suffering, familiar with pain. In other words, he was not the typical ruling king who would claim a land from the Roman Empire- (especially since that wasn’t really the plan anyway). People held him in low esteem and rejected him. Yes, he was a surprise Messiah!

He was exactly the opposite of what worldly standards demand of a conquering hero. And, of course, that is exactly what we should expect from a God who confounds the proud and lifts up the marginalized. God is not interested in the outward appearance. He is interested in a transformed and humble heart.

I think that is pretty awesome.

Prayer: Lord, you confound the proud in order to determine hearts attuned to your plans, Amen

Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king                                                I Peter 2:17

My definition of respect goes something like this– it is the sincere belief that the person I am working with is able to solve their own problems.

I try to convey that respect to my clients in a number of ways. I affirm their decision to begin counseling. I give them hope that, with work, we can develop some tools that will help them to deal with their problems in an effective way. I tell them that I believe in them, and I point out to my clients the strengths that I see in them. I assure them that what they see as weakness may simply be a strength that they have not yet been able to manage. And yes, I challenge clients to the hard places of healing, because I respect them and care for them.

Often, my clients come into counseling having been living in shame, and perhaps they have been labeled negatively by others. My job is to see their strengths, give them hope that their life can be better, and encourage growth.

I recently had a client who saw himself as weak because he was conflict avoidant. Indeed, that can be a problem. We cannot avoid all conflict in life. Yet, his desire for peacemaking is a noble strength that needs to be managed well. The problem that some peacemakers get into is that they may sacrifice truth for peace, when only the hard truth must be spoken in a situation.

God has shown human beings respect by giving us free will. Indeed, it is true that our choices are often pretty far off the mark, but God has restrained his own power by not limiting our free will to make our own choices.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the gift of free will. Give us wisdom to use it well, Amen

We are well into the season of Lent- the 40-day time of preparation for the highest Christian holiday, Easter. As I had discussed in an earlier blog, this time of year we typically pick some practice to give us more discipline and focus as we prepare to honor the death and resurrection of Jesus. We recall the suffering of Jesus on Good Friday, and we try to emulate that to a (very) small degree, often by fasting from certain foods during Lent.

This year, I decided not to fast any particular food, like chocolate, for Lent. I decided to go for a more positive approach that will benefit my health. I chose a practice that will also spur me on to go a little above and beyond my usual routine so that I am reminded of my commitment to honor Jesus. I decided to close all three health indicator rings on my Apple watch every day. For those not familiar with this, the Apple watch measures certain physical activities and prompts one to complete the goal by “closing rings”.

I think Jesus would prefer that I push myself to a positive end, rather than avoiding some practice. Jesus told his disciples to celebrate his presence and, in my opinion, I can best honor him by pushing myself to better physical health.

At least I am hoping that I am not just wimping out for an excuse due to my love of chocolate!

Hope your Lent is going well, and that whatever you are doing, or not doing, brings you closer to your love of Jesus.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, we honor you this Lent for the sacrifice of love you made for us, Amen

I spoke with a client recently who was recounting to me her experience in getting an MRI. I’m sure many of my readers are familiar with the MRI machine, a narrow tube which gives excellent images of the body for diagnostic purposes. The bad news is- it is a narrow tube.

Many people feel confined and claustrophobic in such an environment. This induces terror into some people who feel that they cannot deal with such a situation given the anxiety that it triggers.

I recently talked about this with a client who had experienced an early trauma where she had been pinned down and molested as a young girl. The idea of confinement in this long tube was frightening. It was a trauma trigger. Fortunately, she was given an exit strategy. If she simply squeezed the ball she had been given, that would signal to the staff that she needed help.

This reassured the client such that she was able to undergo the procedure with no mishaps, and she did not even need to squeeze the ball.  Why did this work? Because she had been given an exit strategy. She did not need to use it, but knowing it was there if she needed it made all the difference.

This was a great example of the anxiety tool kit that I talk with my clients about. Just knowing there is help, or a way out, makes all the difference. The idea that we have some control in an anxiety producing situation gives us what we need to get through the anxiety.

Even if we never have to use it.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us many tools to ease our anxiety. Thank you for your provision, Amen

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.                          James 1:12

I was speaking recently with a client who is fighting a chronic degenerative neurological disorder. The disease is robbing her of both physical and mental acuity, slowly but inexorably draining from her the will to fight.

This client is in her 70’s and I acknowledged to her that those of us in our 70’s have a much greater challenge in maintaining our mental and physical edge. She especially, with her neurological condition, finds it difficult to get motivated to move. It takes a great deal of energy input in order to get the kind of results that in the past came almost effortlessly.

The laws of physics tell us that a body at rest tends to stay at rest without an input of energy into the system. That energy must come from our own resources, but all of us need encouragement from others to keep up hope, and to see the need to push ourselves for our own benefit (and that of others too).

As we age, we are challenged, because our bodies are not as efficient at producing and storing energy as when we were 20 or 30, or even 40 or 50! However, the old adage never changes – “use it or lose it”. If we fail to push ourselves, physically, mentally, socially and spiritually, we will gradually lose abilities in those areas. My friends, we cannot afford to do that. Yes, eventually there comes a time when we can no longer push these minds and bodies to those lengths, but we want to stave that day off as long as possible.

So, take heart. Push to keep yourself active in all of those areas. Seek others who will be encouragers to you, and you should encourage them as well. I think that we were designed to keep active as long as possible, and not to give in to inactivity in any area.

So, stay active my friends in whatever ways you can. It is harder as we age, but there is the reward of self-esteem and better health.

Keep your eye on the prize…

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep our motivation, and help others in theirs, Amen

And the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and they listened eagerly to Paul’s message. They searched the Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth.           Acts 17:11

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if anything is excellent, and if anything is praiseworthy, think about these things.                                                                      Philippians 4:8

If you have cruised the internet headlines on some sites, you will find many items disguised as news that are, in reality, “click bait”. You are undoubtedly aware of that phenomenon- click bait- and I say it is destructive to our nation and our soul. Two things, (likely more) that serve well as click bait are political stories, and sex. People are lured into those two hot button items that rouse the brain’s neural response system.

Many problems flow from this, of course. One is, people are drawn into rabbit holes of ads, lies, and lurid stories that typically lead nowhere. Do they edify and build you up? Uh, No. Do they bring us closer to truth? Almost never. Do they make our attitude positive for the day? Are you kidding?

But, they grab our eyes, and that is all that they are intended to do. They also may make us angry, feeding some pre-existing belief that simply reinforces an anger response. The headlines are written to draw us in. “Incredible admission by …”; or “beloved character states why he no longer has faith”; or “terrible news for_______  due to …”

The sex draws are pretty straightforward. Beautiful women, or men, in skimpy clothing are shown in click bait for real estate, medical news of no value, or just because they will get you to click the site – for anything. Sex sells, and anger sells. Unfortunately, truth often does not, especially in an age when truth is in short supply, and sensationalism is rampant.  

The Bible has some answers for this, but then again, truth often is drowned out. So my friends, I urge us all to simply be aware of what the lures are, because we are all drawn to the shiny things we see.

Prayer: Lord, help us to look beyond the surface that the shiny things offer. Help us to seek truth, Amen

 Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.                                                          Philippians 2:5-8 (Living Bible)

Empathy seems to be getting a bad name these days in some quarters. Some church leaders and government officials seem to be saying that empathy is not healthy. They posit that it may be making people weak. Their argument is that “empathy” amounts to a false gospel of “kindness” that enables a culture of “coddling” and “weakness.”

I suppose that any virtue to an extreme can become a weakness. I am concerned however that a fundamental facet of the Christian faith- empathy- may be suffering from a more political definition than a moral one.

The highest example of empathy is the central theme of Christianity- the Incarnation of Jesus. Jesus willingly took on human form and life in order to demonstrate the love of God in the flesh to his creation. He literally put himself in the place of those who are suffering and need a new understanding of what God’s love is.

So, let us be clear about how we discuss empathy. We all need such understanding, and we would all benefit from more of it. To be sure, we must be clear-headed about how we help others, and how we relate to them. However, being able to see the world from another’s perspective is important to our own mental health and well-being, as well as being critical for societal cohesion. Without it, we become insular, indifferent, and maybe even cruel.

So, if we follow the example of Jesus, we will be attentive to the needs of others, and empathy will be the most endearing asset of the Christian life.

Prayer: Lord give us vision and capacity for empathy that is needed in our world, Amen