For God has bought you with a great price. So use every part of your body to give glory back to God because he owns it.                                                                                                                                                            I Corinthians 6:20

Funny thing, pride. It is the original, and I would suggest, the only sin. All other sins, problems, errors, failures- whatever you might want to call them- come from pride. Pride is about making sure that I am the center of my own universe. The needs, rights, and well-being of others follow after my place being secured. I can take care of myself, and I do not need anyone else to tell me what to do. To its extreme, it says that the rules don’t exactly apply to me like they do other people.

This description does not sound very flattering, does it? Yet, to some degree, we all fall into that mindset somewhere. Certainly not all the time, and not in all situations to be sure. Indeed, we humans are capable of some incredible altruistic thinking and behaviors. Yet at our core, we need the intervention of the Creator to redeem us to health.

Essentially, when it comes to our relationship with God, we need to recognize our inability to save ourselves by virtue of our good behavior. Recognition of God and his son, Jesus, as the remedy for our sins is the key to health and salvation.

Much like the addict who comes to realize in his 1^st step that his/her best efforts got them to a place of powerlessness, we all need to take the humility step in order to be fully free. That means that we accept that we alone do not have the answer to all life’s problems, and that we need help to navigate our life.

Self-forgiveness (or lack of it, more properly) is an example of how insidious pride is. People sometimes take offense when I point out the pride in failing to forgive one’s self for sins and errors that have sidetracked us. I point out that they would forgive others for offenses, but they do not forgive themselves for some reason. “Are the rules different for you than for other people?” I ask.

Yeah, pride is a funny thing…

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the remedies for pride. Help us to see our need for your plans, not ours, Amen

 And now, brothers, as I close this letter, let me say this one more thing: Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.                                                            Philippians 4:8

One of the things that counselors do is to help people reframe situations in their life. Reframing is a useful tool to help people see things in a different light. For example, I recently spoke with a client who has been experiencing some painful family dissension. She has seen this a sad event which she believes is an indictment of her parenting. Through this, she has taken some hard looks at her behavior and her worldview, and has seen that she has expectations of herself and others which have cause her great disappointment.

After several sessions of discussion of her situation and behavior, I talked with her about her self-critical views, and how that affects her sense of joy. We talked about seeing these events as learning experiences, which they clearly are, and that she has grown a great deal from this. In fact, she has denied herself a sense of joy because she feels that she has not measured up the way she should.

By defining this period as a positive (though painful) learning experience, she can see that she is working hard to change, and that she is allowed to have joy, even if she has not performed perfectly. By accepting this period as a learning experience, she can put it into a positive light. It is growth, not failure.

I think this is what Paul meant when he said,

 And now, brothers, as I close this letter, let me say this one more thing: Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.   

Prayer: Lord, help us to see things through the filter of your positive message for us that even as we are learning, you love us right where we are, Amen                                                       

Though they have been going through much trouble and hard times, they have mixed their wonderful joy with their deep poverty, and the result has been an overflow of giving to others.                                                II Corinthians 8:2

The Dead Sea (what a name) is a salty lake in the Jordan Valley in Israel. It is incredibly salty, with almost 10 times the salinity level of the ocean. This body of water is one in which I could actually swim, if you can call it that. Even non-swimmers like me can float on this briny water.

The Dead Sea is “dead” because it has inlets, primarily the Jordan River, but no actual outlet to another body of water. Because of this lack of continuous water exchange, and due to the high heat and low altitude basin, the Dead Sea accumulates minerals, but does not sustain much life. Too salty.

The metaphor here has a truth for us. Bodies that do not have an outlet, but just take in resources, tend to stagnate. Healthy organisms have a dynamic rhythm of give and take which provides balance. We produce an output from what we consume, in order to maintain health. We give things away which we have received in order to maintain the chain of life.

So, as they say in the AA 12^th step, “You can’t keep it unless you give it away”.

Yep.  

Prayer: Lord, you provide opportunities for us to give, which ultimately gives us health, Amen

 Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Then the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?” “A staff,” he replied…             Exodus 4:1-2

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”                                Deuteronomy 31:6

This analogy from Moses’ encounter with God at the burning bush is a great metaphor for mental health approaches to anxiety. Moses, fearful of the huge mission God was sending him on, pleaded that he was overwhelmed and overmatched for the task.  God replied to him, “What’s in your hand?” The implication was that Moses had what he needed with him already. He was equipped to handle the daunting task which caused him fear and anxiety.

We have in our hands tools to deal with anxiety. As stated in earlier reflections, anxiety is an ever present foe, a traveling partner if you will, that we all carry with us. But we also carry the tools to deal with it. Anxiety would lead us to believe that we are overmatched. That eventually, we are doomed to some frightful experience or event that may even kill us. Panic attacks are examples of this. However, even regular everyday anxiety is like that little self-destructive force that seeks our destruction. But we have tools in our hand to deal with it. We have ways to control anxiety, and just knowing that we have the tools is half the battle.

First, we breathe. We hit the “pause button” and take control of irrational thoughts that threaten to overwhelm us. We take voluntary control over an involuntary bodily function, our breathing. A 4 second slow inhale through our nose, hold for 5 seconds, and a slow 7 second exhale through our mouth just a few times will slow us down and give us control of our body. This also helps to blow off more carbon dioxide which builds up as our bodies gear up for the fight that it feels is coming.

Next, we pray. Prayer, as discussed earlier, is not just for God to change our situation. It is to give us the strength, assurance, and renewed mind so that WE can control our own behaviors in response to this invisible threat we perceive.   

Then we develop an “exit strategy”. Hopefully, this is something that we have considered before we are in the immediate high anxiety situation. That strategy involves developing a list of everyday things we can do when faced with what we feel are overwhelming thoughts and fears. It includes any and all behaviors that we can use to take back control. It can be as mundane as going to get a drink of water; taking a brief walk; calling a friend; picking up a book or magazine; citing a bible verse that is meaningful; doing some push-ups. In other words, it can be anything that we have earlier decided are activities that I CAN DO to take back control.

The beauty of this is that just knowing that such a list exists takes away some pressure, and reassures us that we can do something and anxiety will not overwhelm us.

Finally, at the end of the list- way down on it- is the “drastic step”. That is the step that is completely unlikely to be used, but could be if all else fails. That could be like, “Well, if worse comes to worse, I could go to the emergency room. I would be treated there and they could help me”. Again, just knowing that there is always a solution to every problem, which is key to mental health, is reassuring and soothing.

We do have what we need in our hand. We often just need to be reminded that it is there.

Prayer: Father, thank you for the plan that we can regulate ourselves when we know that you are always there, and that we are not alone. Thank you for the tools you have built into us, Amen.

“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light.” Matthew 6:22

In these days of mask wearing, sometimes it takes a second glance before we recognize a friend or acquaintance that we meet on the street. It has always amazed me that we have the ability to identify people just by some slight differences in facial structures. There are billions of people on earth, yet we can recognize familiar faces with just the slightest differences in facial structure.

I will admit that I am just a bit handicapped in that area. I do not discern faces as well as many others do, and therefore I find that I often say to my wife that certain people look very much alike, where she does not see the similarities. It is due to my generalizations about how people look in order to make sure that I can identify faces well. With the advent of more masking in the past two years, my facial clues are diminished, so I must really concentrate upon the eyes of others.

The funny thing is, we can get an awful lot of information from a person’s eyes. One can see a good smile just by looking at the eyes of another. Indeed, the Bible verse is so true, “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light.”

Good eye contact has always been a non-verbal cue that we rely on to determine our ability to connect with another person.

These days, we need it more than ever.

Prayer: Lord, our eyes reflect our inner being. Thank you for that way to connect with others, Amen

“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.  This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.                                                                                                                                                           John 15:11-13

There is an old saying in the rooms of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), and it goes something like this- “It’s Simple, But It May Not be Easy”. I’ve always liked that quote. In fact, the AA community has numerous little sayings, like proverbs, which contain gems of truth.

Jesus, on his last day before he went to a terrible death on the cross for you and me, had a simple request- “Love one another”. Those, if one needs to boil down the Christian faith to three words,  would be the words. Simple, but not easy.  

Loving others is a daily, intentional decision, which is not based upon the behavior of others. It is about the mindset that I have toward others. Jesus did not ask easy things of us. He asks for us to do the things that are right and healing and uplifting. Loving others can be easy at times, but often it is hard. Loving those who don’t show love to us first is hard. Loving others that do not treat us well is hard. Loving others whom we really do not know can be difficult. Yet the dying wish of Jesus was that we love one another.

So, we are all imperfect at this loving one another thing. But just because we are imperfect does not mean that we should not continue to try to love one another. After all, if it were easy, everybody would do it. Because it is hard, we need divine help to really do it well. So, God sent the Holy Spirit to do the things through us that we really cannot do alone. Nonetheless, the command still stands.

Love one another.

Prayer: Lord, help us to love one another, Amen

So, I think I am only going to do one blog on this – probably- because it is not in the mainstream of my typical content. Yet, there come times when an issue arises in the public forum that demands that we weigh in on it. If I remain silent on it, I am sure that I will regret it. So, I am simply stating my case about vaccination.

If I had to sum it up in one sentence, it would be this- vaccination is not a political issue. It is a social and medical issue to be sure, and I could argue that it is a moral issue. However, my point is, for those who are opposed to vaccination, let me be clear that you have every right to decide whether or not to be vaccinated. Thank God, we live in a country where we can make those choices. That being said, choices have consequences. You may have an employer who requires employees to be vaccinated. That is the right of the employer.  

My plea to those who choose not to be vaccinated is this- please follow science and not politics. That’s it. If you decide not to be vaccinated, and there are those who make that choice in an informed way based upon their own health, I think that is completely fine. But please, follow science and your own health situation in that decision.

 I implore people to look at the data, which at this point overwhelmingly shows that vaccination saves lives- both the vaccinated, and those with whom they come in contact. Hospital admissions, and deaths from COVID-19, again, overwhelmingly point to the efficacy of the vaccination, and the peril of those who are not vaccinated.

Finally, those hospitals, overrun by unvaccinated COVID -19 patients, are causing rationing of care for ALL patients. Many unnecessary deaths are occurring. And that is why I must write this. To have a strong belief about what is right, and to not state it, will cause one to have everlasting regret. I have said my piece here because I feel compelled to do so. It is because I want people to be healthy and free that I write this.

You may disagree with my stance, and believe me, I am completely fine with that. What I am not fine with is making vaccination something other than what it is.

Vaccination is not a political opinion. It is a social and medical imperative.

“And so I am giving a new commandment to you now—love each other just as much as I love you. Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”            John 13:34-35

One of the tools I use in relationship counseling is the idea of “checking in” with a partner. I suggest that each partner periodically ask this question of the other. This is a very simple, yet often subtly profound exercise. The process is this- periodically, ask your partner, “Are you doing OK?” Or simply, “You OK?”

Sometimes it is simply a random question, for no reason other than wanting to know how your partner is. It might come at a time when there has been a little stress or tension, or maybe when there has been silence for a while. Or it may just come at any time, sort of “out of the blue”.

The point is, one partner has asked the other about their emotional place at that moment. It shows care and concern, and it speaks way more than the little phrase may say on the surface. This little technique is so simple as almost to not merit discussion. Yet, the simplest little acts of reaching out are often profound ways to demonstrate caring.

My wife is really good at this. It just comes naturally and honestly to her, yet it means a lot when she asks. So, it has become part of our routine- our thing, if you will. It is certainly not exclusively “our thing”, and I hope that this little check in becomes part of “your thing” in relationships. It means a lot.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the simple things in life, which often are the profound things in life, Amen.

Just as there are many parts to our bodies, so it is with Christ’s body. We are all parts of it, and it takes every one of us to make it complete, for we each have different work to do. So we belong to each other, and each needs all the others.                                                                                                                                            Romans 12:4-5

On our trip to Italy, we visited the beautiful cities of Florence, Siena, and Rome. Each of those ancient cities are saturated with art, done by some of the most brilliant artists the world has ever produced.

The Piazza del Campo in Siena is a huge area, and it is the home of a famous horse race, the Palio di Siena, which pits each of the seventeen contrade (neighborhoods, but more than that really) of the city against one another. Actually, there is a lottery to pick ten of the seventeen contrade to participate in the race. Each contrade has its own flag, its own traditions, and there is a great rivalry about the race.  It is run twice each summer, coinciding with feast days which honor the Madonna of Provenzanzo, and the feast of the Assumption of Mary. The event has been going on annually for a shade over four centuries, so there has been time to build up some rivalry.

While we were in the area near the Piazza one day, we heard loud singing. It was joyful and hearty. I had to check it out. Upon turning a corner in a small alley (there are only thousands of them in Siena it seems), I saw a group of young men standing on tables, drinking wine straight from the bottle, and celebrating some type of event. Maybe it was a bachelor party, or maybe a college fraternity. Maybe they were simply celebrating that it was Tuesday- who knows. The point was that they were exuberant in their expression. Besides that, they sang in unison, on tune, and at the top of their lungs.

I loved it.

The free expression of emotion seems to be an enduring trait in Italy. Uninhibited singing, expressive hand gestures, a gusto for life. Those are some of the things I appreciated on our trip. The art was spectacular, the ancient Roman technology was unsurpassed, but the people were just fascinating.

Traveling gives us perspective on other cultures. We learn to appreciate differences, and celebrate those differences. That sounds like a good idea, whether we travel five thousand miles, or five blocks.  

Prayer: Lord you have made us in your image, yet so different in expressions of it. Help us to appreciate the differences, Amen

Dear friend, when you extend hospitality to Christian brothers and sisters, even when they are strangers, you make the faith visible. They’ve made a full report back to the church here, a message about your love. It’s good work you’re doing, helping these travelers on their way, hospitality worthy of God himself!                                                                                                                                                             III John 1:5-6

I hope you have enjoyed some of my old blogs while I was away. My time off from the blog was the result of a vacation. Vacation was wonderful, but I am also glad to be back! My wife and I, along with my daughter and son-in-law, went on a long anticipated trip to Italy. I could not possibly convey all the things we experienced there because it was truly a cultural as well as an educational venture. I will just cover a few highlights, and I hope to expand them into a format that allows you to see some of the insights I was given.

As we travel to new places, and especially to places where the language and customs are different, we become more vulnerable. The things to which we have become accustomed are often no longer available. We become dependent on others for help in getting directions, as well as learning the way things are done in another culture. Simple kindnesses from others become larger than we may have expected were we not in that more vulnerable state.

I give as an example a small thing that illustrates the point. On our flight from Paris to Florence, the flight attendant was very busy, trying to please so many passengers in a short amount of time. I saw that as she was serving the drinks off the cart that time was running thin since the flight is not a very long one. I was actually feeling a little stress for her as she went down the aisle, patiently serving her guests. She wore a smile that could be seen even with a mask. She was attentive, giving time and consideration to each of us as if there were all the time in the world available. She even took the time to offer us encouragement about our concern about later airport connections.

A small thing. I am quite certain that she had no idea that she had made an impact on us, because this is simply what she does. She serves people with grace and kindness. But like I said earlier, when we are a little more vulnerable, we see things in a different light. Her kindness to a traveling stranger WAS noticed. I wonder how often we take for granted some little kindness given that may deeply affects others.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the mercy and kindness of strangers, Amen