Sitting Shiva

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.                                                                                             Psalm 23:4

Last week when we were at Chautauqua, we heard a Jewish writer talk about the time that his father passed away, and his mother insisted that he “sit Shiva” as per the Jewish custom. He was about 20 years old at the time, and he had resisted doing this ancient practice, but finally acceded to his mother’s wishes.  He went on to explain that he was moved by this experience, and ended up becoming a Rabbi because of it.

The practice of Shiva dates back to early Hebrew history, and it involves sitting seven days after the burial of a close loved one. This practice helps the grieving process by making it “real”, and easing the family into the new normal that is to follow. During that time, friends and family come by the home of the grieving family, and sit with them to comfort them in their loss.  This beautiful practice is both humane and therapeutic for both the aggrieved and the comforters.

I had occasion to bring this up recently with clients who needed to learn how to better comfort one another. I suggested to them the story of Job, whose friends came to sit with him for seven days upon hearing that he had lost family and possessions, and even his own health.

There is great value in simply sitting with those who have had loss or emotional pain. In fact, Job’s friends did a better job of comforting him when they just sat with him and did not speak. It was when they started giving advice that things got to be a problem.

There is great value brought when friends just sit with one another in hard times. What a beautiful way to show love and care.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be comforters to those who grieve, Amen