What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven! What joys when sins are covered over! What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record  Psalm 32:1-2 (Living Bible)

I recently met with a dear young couple who are having relationship problems. There are a host of core issues, and both come to the marriage with some significant trauma of abuse in their family of origin. They hurt one another when they argue, and those old wounds are triggered fairly easily.  

We discussed the issue of forgiveness, and we went into some depth. I discussed with them that there is a difference between asking for forgiveness and apologizing. An apology from the offending party is only a partial remedy, because it lets the offender keep the results in his/her hands. In other words, by simply saying “I’m sorry” there may be a tacit understanding that they have sufficiently remedied the problem by owning it and apologizing.

On the other hand, if the offender asks the offended party to grant forgiveness, that puts the locus of control into the hands of the offended. They have been empowered to forgive (or not), and it restores to them some of the dignity lost in the offense.

The other issue that this brings up is the motive for the apology/asking for forgiveness. If the motive is simply to end the discussion or argument, or to alleviate guilt, that motive is incomplete. If the motive is remorse for the wrong that was done- that is, recognition that the offender’s actions have hurt someone they care about, sorrow ensues, and we want the other to be nurtured and cared for- that is a proper and healing place to begin restoration.

These two people have been hurt, and they sometimes cause hurts, but they are remorseful, insightful, and teachable.

This young couple will do fine.

Prayer: Lord, you are the author of forgiveness. Thank you for that foundational process, Amen

The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust                                    Psalm 103:13-14

I love Psalm 103, and I often prescribe this as a reading assignment to my clients. I especially like the verses above, which depict God as the loving father who is drawing his children to him. Years ago, a friend painted a picture of these verses which has stuck with me. It is that of the father of a toddler, just learning to walk. The father has his arms outstretched to the child, urging him/her on, encouraging the child when they stumble, picking them up when they fall.  The father does not yell at the child for incompetence- they are still a child. He draws them to him as an encouragement, knowing that this is a stage of development.

So, I like to think of God the father as this encourager. He remembers that we are dust, and I am glad for that. I think God wants us to know how much he loves us, and he is pleased when we acknowledge that. You parents who are reading this understand that it gives us great pleasure when our kids know how much we love them.  

I see too many clients who question whether there is a loving God, much less one who personally loves them. Sometimes we all do struggle with lovability. There are times when we feel unworthy of love, and do not even love ourselves.

That is when we need the experience of being loved the most.

Prayer: Thank you Father for loving us like little children. Indeed, we are children dependent upon you, Amen.

Just a little thought today, dear readers. I was recently speaking with a client who is changing in his ministry calling. He is going to be leaving church work and working in a secular setting, but one where he can use his years of wisdom and experience to help people other than “church folks”.

This is quite a departure for him and he is questioning what that change will be like. I assured him, knowing him pretty well, that he is more than equipped to do a wonderful job. He cares about people, he has a calming, serene presence, and he is a devoted follower of Jesus- not simply a professional preacher.

I just left him with this: “If you want to let people know about Jesus, just be Jesus to them”.  

That’s it. The gospel in a sentence, I think.

Love to all…

There used to be a TV commercial for Fram Oil Filters years ago that featured a mechanic who wanted to replace the customer’s oil filter. The mechanic grinned at the reluctant customer and said, “You can pay me now, or you can pay me later!” The implication of course was that the small cost of preventive maintenance now (having a Fram Oil Filter installed), would prevent a larger cost of rebuilding the engine later. Lots of truth to that concept, both in car maintenance as well as relationships.

I recently had a session with a client who was receptive and insightful about his marriage situation. He often feels controlled often by his wife, but he is also a very calm and “laid back” guy who goes with the flow easily in most aspects of his life. We discussed the fact that he values peace very much and he really likes to avoid conflict. He appears to be very accommodating to his wife in order to have that sense of peace.

He began to recognize, however, that this was his method of control. As long as he was the one giving away control in certain areas, he was fine. However, if he felt that control was being taken from him, or that he was being manipulated, he became resentful. He tended to carry this around much more that he realized because he saw himself as a very calm and accommodating person.  

The client began to see that he had harbored years of resentment in the recesses of his heart until he had become aloof and emotionally disconnected from his wife. As I have said before, if we put off dealing with our emotions, we just have to deal with it later, but by then there is an interest charge- resentments, emotional blunting, and isolation being some of those interest charges.

So, that old adage is true- we can pay now, or we can pay later!

Prayer: Lord, help us to see the cost of putting things off, or even denying their presence in our life, Amen.

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life                      John 8:12

So technically, darkness is not a thing. Darkness is actually the absence of light. Just like cold is the absence of heat, dark is the absence of light. It takes energy to produce light and it takes energy to produce heat. No energy in a system means that it is dark and cold. It is dead.

I think about this stuff because I see that the physical world reflects the spiritual world. One could properly call this metaphysics I suppose, because it deals with the stuff of life that goes beyond the rules of physics and science. But I don’t want to get hung up on definitions. These are just my musings, and it connects my belief in God with my love of science.

God is the Creator of life, and he is the First Cause of all things. He is the energy that causes life. Where God’s energy is not welcomed or accepted, there is darkness. Where light does not prevail, darkness does. We know that night is typically a difficult time for people who are depressed, and also for people with dementia. Light is the great energizer, the hope of new and continued life.

Plants will literally lean into the light to gain more access to it. This phenomenon is called phototropism. Plants, by nature, seek the light. So, I think, should we. Light is healing. Sunlight, properly managed, is cleansing. Plants need light to grow and live, and so do we.

So, when Jesus said that he was the “light of the world”, he was quite serious, and quite correct. The light of the world is the life of the world.  

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the light, and your Son. Thank you for those gifts of light, Amen

Today we jump in the “way back machine” and head to the west side of Cincinnati in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s. I’m going to recall a time from my youth, when free time meant improvising things to amuse one’s self.

Like almost all the other boys in the area, we played “war”. I mean with play guns and anything else we could use to re-enact World War II battles. I preferred making an improvised hand grenade by picking up the green apples that had fallen from Mrs. McCarthy’s tree in her backyard. I would insert a “Black Cat” firecracker (yes, you remember) into the apple, lighting it, and throwing it in the direction of the enemy. Should one of the combatants (one of my friends) get hit with shrapnel (bits of green apple), they were goners.

The same went for the submachine gun that was fashioned out of a caulk gun. That thing had an uncanny resemblance to what the GI’s in World War II called a “grease gun”. It was a small submachine gun, cheap and available for general use by the soldiers. It was also prone to misfires and breakdowns, and was not very accurate, but it gave those guys a little firepower which they gladly welcomed. My “grease gun” sometimes had a tube of caulk in it, adding an actual body to the gun with a little point that one could call a muzzle.

I also had in my arsenal, what I called an M-1Rifle, with a brown plastic body, of course, but in reality it was probably an imitation of a bolt action Springfield Rifle. The really cool part was the bolt action, and a plastic long-nosed bullet that actually ejected when the bolt was pulled. 

When we pointed our guns at the “enemy” and made the sound of a machine gun, like “ahahahahah” (you really had to be there to appreciate that sound, but maybe you did the same thing), the enemy was expected to fall down in pain, wounded or dead. It was not OK if the other kid said “You missed me!”

We had a small woods behind my house where we would wage those battles. It was great fun and obviously some great memories. With things now in the world, in a very scary and uncertain time, I decided to think back to simpler times. Times when wars, for kids, were re-enacted instead of waged.

Prayer: Lord, protect the children who are victims of war in a world that is so dangerous, Amen

Long ago the LORD said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself.                                                                                                         Jeremiah 31:3

Until I was a parent, I’m not sure I completely understood this concept. Until I was a parent, I did not completely appreciate the promise that God gives to us that he loves us with an “everlasting love”.

I recently saw a couple who told me about a situation where their teenage son came out to them that he was gay. It was obviously hard for him to do. They handled it with grace and understanding, and because they did, they found a new level of acceptance and understanding of one another.

I told them that they had done a beautiful job in accepting their son at the most vulnerable time of his life. Their words to their son were, “there is noting that you can ever do to make us ever stop loving you”.

True words. These are words I say to my own children, and the words that God says to us. He loves us right where we are, and he will never stop. This is the message that we need to reinforce with our children.

“I’ll always love you”…

Prayer: How can we understand your love for us? You gave us the model of loving our own children to understand it. Thank you for that plan, Amen

Verb: (used without object)

to feel, show, or express grief, sorrow, or regret.

to mourn deeply.

Noun:

an expression of grief or sorrow.

a formal expression of sorrow or mourning, especially in verse or song; an elegy or dirge.                                                                                                       

(Dictionary.com)

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge                                  Psalm 62:8

There are situations in our personal life, and in world events where the only response we have is “lament”. This word is either a noun or a verb, depending on the usage and intent. We can actively lament something e.g., mourning, or have deep regret, for example. We can also be in a “state of lament” and perhaps in that state, express it, as the definition suggests, in a formal way.

Either way, it is important to become aware of this lament and own it. As I have stated before, some emotions come out in ways that are not good indicators of the true feelings inside. For example, fear may come out looking like anger. Sadness may come out as sullenness or withdrawal, and so on.

There are numerous instances in the Bible where people like David, and Jeremiah, Amos, and many others described their state of lament. They cried out to God for various situations wherein they saw themselves as helpless, and in the pain of mourning or deep sadness.

Getting in touch with our state of lament is healthy and important. Often, world situations such as the misery and violence in Gaza and Israel, the horrific invasion of Ukraine, mass shootings, dire poverty, and natural disasters cry out for lament. Personal tragedies such as a devastating illness also can bring us to a state of lament.

Lament does not necessarily mean “helpless”, but it is a recognition of the current suffering we face. That recognition may help us to share it with others, and get the help and support we need at the time.

So, we come to realize that lament is part of life, and that we are not alone in it.

Prayer: Lord, you have designed a crucial plan where you are our refuge in times of trouble, Amen

A cheerful heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit makes one sick         Proverbs 17:22

I told my kids it does our hearts good to see our family acting the way they do toward one another. It just happened coincidentally that on the same day our son flew to Kansas City to see his older sister, our oldest grandson flew to Colorado to see his younger sister. Seeing the pictures that they sent – the warm smiling faces of their joy of being together- did our hearts good!  

Later, I began to think what it would be like if my parents could see this reunion of their grandchildren and great-grandchildren?  Wilder still, what if my grandmother and grandfather (the ones that I knew in my lifetime), could have seen this? They could not, I’m sure, conceive of this prospect. Their progeny, decades after they are gone from this earth, still carrying on the loving family connections that they had carried on from their ancestors in their own way.  

Well, the point is, such connections of our children, and their children, is such a joy. I wanted to share this, dear readers, as a reminder of our need for legacy. We are building legacies with our actions in our families. Stop and think of how powerful that is. Think about 50 or 75 years from now when perhaps those people in similar pictures will look back at you and say, “I wonder what they would have thought about this…”

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the blessing of family, Amen

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2

Do you ever get discouraged? Of course you do! It is not a spiritual weakness, nor a character defect, nor an indication of your attitude. It is the reasonable response to a world that is broken and hurting. World events, most specifically the recent war in Israel, have made many of us sad, discouraged and disappointed. And angry, and scared, and perplexed.

Yes, the world is a place of immeasurable worth and value, joy and pleasure. It is also a place of hatred, anger, suffering and generational hostility. So, our life is a blend of all of the above. I have given up on trying to understand many things, because so much of life is inexplicable. This I trust- God is in control, I am not, and many who are in charge are incapable, incompetent, and self-serving. You know, I hate to be negative here, but the truth sets us free. If we place our trust in people, we will be disappointed. Such is life, and such has been the case since the first people walked on earth.  

The good news is that God IS in control, he IS faithful, and we look to him for peace, salvation and assurance.

Prayer: Lord, we look to you and you alone for our peace, comfort, and value, Amen.