One of the men with Jesus pulled out a sword and slashed off the ear of the high priest’s servant.“ Put away your sword,” Jesus told him. “Those using swords will get killed.  Don’t you realize that I could ask my Father for thousands of angels to protect us, and he would send them instantly?                         Matthew 26: 51-53

We are familiar with this passage from the book of Matthew, outlining a scene from the Garden of Gethsemane when Jeus was betrayed by Judas. Peter, (presumably) drew his sword and slashed the high priest’s servant, severing his ear. Jesus rebuked Peter, telling him that if he chose, he could summon thousands of angels to wipe out the puny force arrayed against him.   

Peter had not gotten the message that Jesus was here to shed his own blood, not the blood of others. This is what Jesus did with power- he sublimated his own power so that others would benefit. That same resurrection power, to be displayed just two days later, could have been used to destroy all who stood against him. Jesus chose to use his power to give life to others, not death.

So, let us consider what we do with power. Do we use it for our own benefit, and to subdue others, or do we give it away to benefit others.

That is the fundamental message, and question, of Easter.

Prayer: Thank you, Lord, for the expression of real power and how to use it, Amen

I apologize in advance for this self-serving paean to the Opening Day of Major League Baseball. Some of my readers will get this and appreciate it. Some of my readers will be perplexed, even disappointed that I have not come through with a more serious and edifying blog.

Well, for me, Opening Day of baseball, particularly Opening Day (yes, it is always capitalized where I come from) for the Cincinnati Reds is like a magical holiday. Winter is over, and Spring/Summer is here. Decades of memories are instantly conjured up on this wondrous day.

Baseball for me, and many others, is a reprieve from the dreadful realities of the evil we see all around us. It calls us to a more pristine time when baseball was king (alas, it is no longer) and people could come together and cheer for their favorite heroes of the diamond. Wins would give oxygen to us, while losses would deflate us just a bit.

We knew all the players, and they stayed on the same team for years at a time. But that was a simpler time, and it is no more. Yet baseball is back today!  Our team is in first place (OK, they all are today) and Summer begins.

So, my friends, let’s celebrate Opening Day! If you don’t share the same energy for this, I understand, but find something else to celebrate today. I hope you have the same joy that I do today!

This suffering is all part of the work God has given you. Christ, who suffered for you, is your example. Follow in his steps                                                                                               I Peter 2:21

This is Holy Week my friends, a time that we recall the last week of Jesus on earth (for a time) before his sacrifice on the cross. We are called to be more sober and thoughtful this week, and indeed, we find a suffering and broken world as we consider our state this week.

The people of Ukraine are suffering at the hands of the tyrant Vladimir Putin whose Russian troops continue their aggression. The people of Gaza are starving to death due to a war they did not choose. People around the world face oppression, starvation and suffering because of the decisions of governments that are corrupt and uncaring about their fate.

Here in the United States, political failures leave us baffled as to how we got to this place. All these instances, and so many more, remind us that political solutions will never save us. When the crowds in Jerusalem cried out for their political leaders to crucify Jesus, they were unaware of how profoundly wrong they, and their government, could be.   

The message of Holy Week is that there is power in reliance upon God alone. Even when failure and death seem to carry the day, salvation is right behind it, on Easter.

So friends, we are surrounded by pain, suffering and evil actions, but God is in control. Our hope is in him, not temporal government.

That is the good news.

Prayer: Lord, in you alone we trust for our salvation, Amen

For I will show you lessons from our history, stories handed down to us from former generations. Psalm 78:2-3 (Living Bible)

This past week, I shared one of my daughter’s blogs titled “Stories”. I am always thrilled to share her work because she is a talented and thoughtful writer. I was especially happy to share that one because it brought to mind for me the times that I would tell stories to my kids, often at bedtime. Sometimes it was a story of family history, sometimes a fable, and sometimes it just took the form of “This is what you can dream about tonight”. Of course, I would always come up with a pleasant diversion for them to dream about. It was just a suggestion that I hoped might stick in their unconscious mind.

The point however of storytelling is powerful. Family history can be shared so that kids can have an anchor to the past and a sense of stability. It can also help shape identity in them, both emotional and spiritual.

The early church lived on stories. There was no written Bible for the very early Christians- only stories about Jesus, his life and message. There were also testimonies from Believers about the power of Jesus in their life. Nothing can refute the testimony of a person who has had a God experience.

So, let’s keep telling stories to our children, even when they are adults. They will pass them on to grandchildren and beyond.

 Nothing can top a good story, right?

Prayer: Lord, you have given us experiences that should be carried on. Give us the strength and ability to carry on such traditions, Amen

After four plus years of COVID-19 existence, it finally happened- it became personal. Yes, in ways it was personal before that, since I had lost some friends and acquaintances with the disease. This time I experienced it first-hand. While on vacation last week I contracted COVID, and then so did my wife. We are fine, recovering without any major problems. However, it is not, in my experience like the common cold. I was fatigued, feverish and I have lost my sense of taste. It was not, though, significantly disruptive to my life. Because we have been vaccinated, including boosters, the case was essentially mild. Also, the strain has been mutating to become more ubiquitous in the environment, but also less virulent. This is true to the evolutionary trajectory of viruses- they become milder so as not to kill as many hosts, which cuts down their ability to survive long-term.

We are fortunate that the virus was not more disruptive to our lives. It is annoying to be sure, but fortunately not lethal, or even debilitating. However, it is still potentially lethal, so it is not a toothless adversary. People with long COVID will attest that it is potentially life-altering. Vaccinations are safe and effective, and they offer protection. We are thankful for good health in general, which helps us to handle the virus in due course.

So, my friends, still be careful out there.

Prayer: May God continue to protect us all in his provision and mercy, Amen

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.                                                            Isaiah 41:10

We are all pretty familiar with the “Fight or Flight” syndrome as a response to acute stress or danger. Our bodies react with stress hormones to prepare us for action to ward off or flee from danger. We also know that even after the initial danger is gone, it takes a while for the chemistry in our bodies to catch up. For individuals who are chronically exposed to such hormonal rushes, the body gets ravaged with the chemicals that are supposed to activate us for action. Such continual flushes of stress cause long-term damage, including blood pressure problems, chronic inflammatory response, and a host of endocrine problems that prematurely can age us. Not good.

There is a third option that we sometimes default to- freeze. Sometimes, we simply do not react at all. It is as if we are frozen in place, unable to move in any direction. We are unable, for just the shortest time, to fight or to flee. We are stunned to inaction, perhaps not willing to believe that such danger even exists. It is almost a denial of what is right before us. We can liken it to being in a minefield. There is simply no safe direction to go in, so we go nowhere.

I find that in retrospect, clients often chastise themselves for the action they took during the crisis. “I should have done this”, or “I wish I had done that”. The truth is, often there is no right answer at the instant of crisis. Soldiers and first responders train all the time to learn a “trained response” so as to increase chances of proper action. Thankfully, they are typically well prepared, “overtrained” as it were so that the right action comes almost automatically.

For those of us who are not specifically trained for regular encounters with traumatic stresses, we may be surprised with the actions that we take in such situations. I trust that such crisis stress responses are rare in your life. In the next few days, I will discuss chronic exposure to stress and the reactions that can happen.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us these remarkable bodily reactions for our safety. We are in awe of how we are made to respond, Amen.

from traumamom4 – by Jennifer Hartwell

As a very young child, my dad would lie next to me as I was falling asleep, and I would say to him, “Daddy, tell me a story.” It was in those twilight moments when I learned about my dad’s childhood, my grandfather’s bakery, and my aunts and uncles. I believe most of those stories were true, but from time to time, I am sure there were embellishments or made-up stories to intrigue yet soothe me as I found peaceful sleep.

I remain fascinated by stories. Mostly true stories, but sometimes fictional ones (see: Ted Lasso). Stories are how we connect and learn. As a surgeon educator, when I am asked to teach and test, the request is often, “Please provide your evaluation questions in case-based format”, meaning, build a story to help the learner understand the concept in a way that seems relatable; tell the story that they can see themselves in.

I just returned home from a national meeting of one of my beloved societies, The American Association for the Surgery of Trauma (AAST). Throughout the week, I heard excellent presentations of novel science, advancing the care of our patients, but also heard many, many stories, including the very personal and vulnerable presentation by Dr. J. Wayne Meredith, beloved surgeon and colleague, who told his own story of navigating cancer. He expressed that what mattered to him in his darkest moments, was not his (very) long list of impressive academic accomplishments, but rather, his most trusted friends who supported him when he needed it most. Throughout the week, I heard story after story of connections made at our national meetings that led to friendships and partnerships, that advance our scientific work, and more importantly, nurture the relationships that benefit our patients, and support us as caregivers as we care for our patients.

Stories teach us lessons. They draw us in and reveal deeper truths about us. Jesus taught his lessons through stories (parables) for a reason: We identify with stories, we see ourselves in them, and we learn from them. This is the same reason I advise the students and residents I work with to read about the disease processes they see while taking care of their patients each day; we learn about sepsis by reading about it after taking care of a septic patient; we learn about the best management of severe rib fractures after seeing a patient who has multiple rib fractures. When we can tie a patient and their story to a concept, the learning truly sticks.

This weekend is the Plaza Art Fair, and although I’m a little tired after traveling late last night, on this quiet and gorgeous Sunday afternoon, my husband said, “You wanna check out the Art Fair? Just for an hour. Not gonna buy anything. Let’s just walk around.” Sure, why not?

This is not your grandma’s arts and crafts festival. The Plaza Art Fair draws renowned artists from around the world. I was in awe. Still, I told myself, I won’t buy anything; I don’t need anything. Then we walked by Clifton Henri‘s booth. I stopped and was totally drawn in by a piece titled “Wings”. The artist, Clifton, was standing there and I asked him, “Can you tell me the story behind this piece.” He smiled. I could tell that he loves telling the stories. “This is a picture of my student advisor’s daughter. She went to the restroom, and when it was quite a while and she didn’t come back, we found her like this. She said, ‘I just wanted to see myself.’” (please see: cliftonhenri.com and view the photograph titled “Wings” as found on his home page; picture not posted here in respect of his original work, but cover photo is me and the artist.) The descriptor on the image pierced me:

“Wings” is dedicated to all the courageous women and fearless little girls that are determined to see themselves represented in this world. May you conquer any and every obstacle set in your path. May your confidence never be swayed and instincts never doubted. Shine like you were meant to. Fly like you were born to; and don’t let anything stand in your way.

Stories empower and inspire us. Stories also bring us to a place of empathy and compassion. Today, I have been reminded yet again about the power of stories and just how sacred the moments are that we spend listening to each others’ stories.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 (New Living Translation)

I read a book by Erik Larson titled The Splendid and the Vile. I love history, and I read just about any book about Winston Churchill. This book covers both bases for me. One of the facts that stuck out to me was the response of Londoners during the horrible bombing we have come to know as “the Blitz”.  During those awful days early in World War II, in summer and fall of 1940, London was being bombed daily. The physical and emotional toll was dreadful, yet Churchill managed to provide strong, courageous leadership to all of England, and London in particular.

One passage of the book discusses the frustration of people who were being bombed, and their feeling of helplessness to fight back. Indeed, the RAF was heroic and even successful in turning back the Luftwaffe, but all wondered how long this small air force could continue to stand against the might of Germany.

Churchill heard people questioning, after another terrible raid on London, why the anti-aircraft guns were mostly silent. Churchill knew that the efficiency of those ant-aircraft guns was miserable. It was estimated that it took 6000 rounds of fire to score one hit on a German aircraft. The air ministry had decided to save ammunition for an anticipated invasion of England, and they did not deploy the guns in every German raid. But people questioned Churchill about fighting back. They could endure the attacks- their courage and tenacity still strikes me as amazing- however, they could not stand those attacks unless they felt that England was fighting back.

Churchill realized this, and he ordered that the anti-aircraft guns once again blaze away during those attacks on London. People took heart in hearing those guns. The pounding shocks of the firing and the dazzling bursts of fire they put into the sky gave people hope- they were fighting back.

The idea is a sound principle of psychology. If we feel that we are doing all that we can during very difficult times, we can endure that suffering much better than if we feel helpless and vulnerable. That is why I tell my clients that good behavior beats bad thinking- that is, doing something to relieve our anxiety is a much better remedy than trying to think our way out of it. Good behavioral disciplines give us the energy and hope to overcome our thoughts which can feel overwhelming.

Prayer: Lord, help us to change our mind about things in this life that make us feel powerless. Give us the renewed mind to push ahead, even when we cannot see the enemy, Amen

“Jesus wept”

 John 11:35

Human tears are another of those incredible, intricate gifts of creation. I am continually amazed by what I learn about things we simply seem to take for granted. Tears, for example are more than a salty liquid which indicates our deep emotions. In fact, there are three kinds of tears. One type is for lubricating our precious eyes as a protection against foreign elements and dryness. A second type is a “response tear”. If you have peeled an onion or had smoke get into your eyes, you are familiar with “response tears”.  Finally, there is the type of tear which gets the most attention. It is the emotional tear.

I have read that there are hormones and enzymes in emotional tears which are actually healing when released by crying. Our tears are therapeutic. Indeed, many of my clients will become tearful in sessions, and note that they feel better after the release of crying. Crying is actually good for us, yet we men often go to great lengths to try to suppress the expression of those tears.

Sometimes at movies, I have been known to try to suppress crying. Once, at the end of Les Misérables my neck and chin actually hurt from trying to suppress my emotional response. Yes, that was kind of a dumb thing to do, but hey, I’m a guy.

Seriously though, I do not tend to cry easily, and maybe that is good or maybe not. I do think that the process of crying can be healthy. People often apologize for crying in public. I understand that this shows vulnerability, but it does not show weakness.

Tears are an amazing part of our bodily make-up. Maybe we should celebrate that a little more.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be in touch with the emotions you gave us, and more freely express them, Amen.

from traumamom4 by Jennifer Hartwell

Se-cret (noun): a: something kept hidden or unexplained: mystery b: something kept from the knowledge of others or shared only confidentially with a few.

We all have complicated relationships with secrets. The word alone may invoke feelings of guilt or shame; excitement and intimacy; or fear. At times we are hurt by secrets and at other times pleasantly surprised. Secrets are a very curious and nuanced thing.

Over the years, I have shared some of my secrets with my husband, my parents, and brother, or a dear friend. And I have been the dear friend at times, hearing the secrets of those who I have earned trust. Deep in my heart, I hold the secrets of others, some as simple as an embarrassing mistake or gaffe, and others as intense as struggling with sexual expression, marriage trouble, infidelity, and emotional or physical abuse.

When we are told a secret, I believe there is an intense and complex unspoken message from the giver to the receiver. Baring a secret means “I trust you”; it means “This is too much for me to hold alone, please help me”. You see, a secret isn’t always something that is completely hidden, it’s just something that feels safe only to whisper, and only to a few souls.

Holding our own secrets can be toxic to our own hearts and minds. We are built to be our honest and true, authentic selves, and when we hold too much shame, fear, guilt, or pain inside, we crumble. Our own secrets eat us from within until we either break completely or build the courage to speak out. As a mentor once told me, “Confession is good for the soul.” But knowing who and when to trust with our secrets is a much more arduous task. There is a risk calculation about the damage to be done by any violation of trust when sharing a secret. The news getting out too soon about a surprise party is one thing…the potential loss of a job or relationship is quite another.

Over the years, I have learned that not all secrets have to stay hidden forever. Sometimes, what feels like it’s too heavy to say out loud turns out to be only for a season. I’ll go first: depression. It’s a word I never thought I would use for myself. But a career in trauma surgery and life in general and perimenopause are having their way with me. Though at first, it was only my husband and a few close friends who knew my darkest moments, I have recently found the courage to talk to my doctor about it, stay in counseling, and start an SSRI. It was the bravery of a few of my friends to tell me about their struggle with depression and anxiety that gave me the courage to open up about my own and seek the help that I need. Sometimes secrets help us feel normal. And bring us out of the depths of feeling lost and alone in our own little dark inner world. Seeking the help I needed has been nothing short of breathtaking for me. I am stunned by how much better I feel, how much better I am coping, and how much more I am enjoying life because of the prompting of those friends. In medicine, so many of us harbored a fear of retribution or loss of our license to admit our struggles with mental health, but if COVID gave us any kind of silver lining, it was that some of that fear has been shattered and many of us feel safer to speak our truth and get the help we need.

It is no small honor to hold secrets for those I care about. Dare I say it’s even a burden of love? Secrets are an essential element of a strong friendship. I have to know that I can tell you my darkest and scariest moments and that you will hold those for me. I have to know that you will not think less of me when I tell you my truths. And that those secrets stay between us until it’s safe to release to others. I will hold your secrets, and I trust you to hold mine. Secrets are a precious and sacred part of our beautiful, messy, complicated, glorious relationship.