Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free”                                            John 8:32

I had a situation with a client some time ago where he presented for treatment because he was frequently angry. His wife had asked him to seek help and he complied. He too understood that anger was becoming an increasingly large part of his life, and he did not like it either.

We explored his background, and it became evident to me that much of his anger was directed at himself. He typically blamed his anger on the actions of “stupid people”. The more we discussed this, he began to see that he indeed was angry at himself for some decisions he had made earlier in life that had altered his career course. When he was flashing anger at “stupid people” he may have unwittingly been reflecting on his own poor decisions. His reactions vented his anger, but it did not get to the root of his need to look at his own self-anger, and then, having accepted that, to forgive himself for the decisions that eventually harmed him.

This is a process, and I have great admiration for this client for doing the hard work of self-reflection and self-honesty. We all have blind spots, and typically we have some level of anger at ourselves that is not always at the surface. An honest look at ourselves can be very freeing as we own some things about ourselves that we do not like.

Such an internal look is freeing. Knowing that we are forgiven by God may also help us to forgive ourselves.

Prayer: Lord, help us to look at and understand our own heart, Amen

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.                                         Matthew 7:7 (New Living)

One of the questions that I challenge my relationship couples to ask one another is to directly articulate what they need at the moment. A simple question, really, but it is important to get in touch with it ourselves, and then to ask for what we need. Some people seem to feel that their partner should KNOW what they need, implying that their partner can somehow read minds.

It is often a sort of cultural norm that we don’t directly ask for what we need. For some people, they do not ask because they may feel it is presumptuous to ask for something of another person. Some may feel embarrassed or unworthy to ask for what they need. Some people just find it hard to ask for help of any kind.

It does take some level of humility to ask for help. As I often tell my clients, humility is the beginning of wisdom. Indeed, humility is the beginning of growth and the path to a more peaceful way of living life.  

Prayer: Lord, we know that we can ask you for what we need, and that you are faithful, Amen

“God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and truth.”                           John 4:24

What is worship? Well, in much of the Evangelical world, especially in the past 30-40 years, “worship” time has become synonymous with “worship music”. That is the music that precedes the pastor’s message. There is an earnest attempt to have the entire congregation become involved in singing (usually) contemporary music, led by singers and musicians in the front of the congregation.

There are various styles of musical worship, and of course, worship is not confined to the music, or even a certain type of music. Prayer, congregational readings and other liturgies may be involved to have the congregation united in acknowledging that Jesus is Lord.  

There are some “high liturgy churches” where the music is less contemporary, and there is more emphasis on readings and congregational response in reciting certain rites and liturgies. There may be a highly structured approach like the Catholic Church (also Presbyterian, Episcopal, Lutheran, and several other churches) where there is a “liturgical year”. This usually has a very prescribed worship practice, and every church of that denomination throughout the world is participating in the same liturgy.  

Finally, (and believe me, this list is far from comprehensive), there are Pentecostal types of worship which are much more spontaneous, less structured, and not overly time-bound to the typical “one hour” service. The music, dancing, testimonies and prayer may precede a lengthy message. Then more music may ensue. It is led by the Spirit, not confined by time.

While I like music, the “worship” time for me is not defined by the Sunday gathering. Our pastor is a gifted communicator, and he brings an excellent message each week, but that is also not my “worship time”. In fact, my idea of worship, where I can really connect with God, is when I am in service to His people. I find that my time with clients is really like a worship of God.

Certainly not all of my clients are Christians, or even necessarily believers in any organized faith tradition. Many are Christians, of course, but it does not really matter if we are discussing God’s place in their life or not. We are connecting on a very important level. They have chosen to discuss with me very intimate and often painful parts of their life. That is a precious connection- one that I hold to be sacred. I can, and do, affirm God’s special place in all of us since we are physical, spiritual, and emotional beings. I can serve God best by serving his people, and loving them right where they are.

That, to me, is worship.    

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the opportunity to serve you by serving others. What a marvelous plan, Amen

 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” 

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

The man replied to Jesus “Who is my neighbor?

Luke 10: 25-27

I am reading an excellent, thoughtful book entitled The Ethics of Encounter, by Marcus Mescher. The book is based upon the parable of the Good Samaritan that Jesus told, as recounted in the book of Luke. The parable was in response to the question of a follower who asked the definition of “neighbor”. Jesus had just explained that one gains eternal life by loving God with one’s whole heart, and loving one’s neighbor as one’s self.

The nature of the question seems to be one of trying to define limits to the generosity one must extend by limiting the definition of “neighbor”. We are used to thinking of neighbors as being people we can summon by shouting out our door. Those that hear us are neighbors.  Pretty small definition, right?

Jesus expanded the whole story by not only not limiting who can be considered a “neighbor”, he upped the ante by making the story’s hero a hated Samaritan. He doubled down by having a Priest and a Levite disregard the fallen victim. Jesus knew how to stick the needle into those who would stubbornly try to limit the length of love to be extended outside their own tribe.

We will talk more about this in future blogs. For now, just read the passage in Luke, and take in the beautiful irony that Jesus uses to make his point.  

Prayer: Lord, help us to expand our own definition of neighbor, Amen.

 Therefore, be perfect, even as your Father who is in heaven is perfect.                           Matthew 5:48

I recently wrote a blog about light and its life-giving effects. In thinking about how we use light, I reflected on the fact that as we move closer to the light source, the more clearly we can see. When you look in the mirror, and you get closer to the light, you may find some blemishes that are otherwise not apparent. This can be a good thing. We can treat those little skin problems and have a clearer complexion.

The same is true as we grow closer to God. Things about our character can be more clearly revealed. We understand how far we are from his perfection. Yet, we know that in this world, perfection is not possible. However, our move toward it is what God desires. The more we can accept and own our imperfections, the closer we are on the road to his desire that we reflect Him as much as possible.

Prayer: Lord, help us to have the courage to move closer to your light, Amen

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”                                                  II Corinthians 12:7-9 (NIV)

I recently spoke with a client who has a chronic physical problem, and she has been frustrated for years regarding its effects on her life. It is not a life- threatening problem, but it is certainly a “life-limiting” one.

We discussed her frustrations about living with this condition, and then she asked me, “Will I ever get over these feelings of anger and resentment? Will I ever get to the place of acceptance?”

It made me think about what acceptance really is. Paul in the Bible struggled with a “thorn in the flesh”, a phrase that has worked itself into our culture as an example of chronic suffering for which there may never be a complete remedy.   

Paul took the occasions of such reminders of suffering not to curse the condition, but to have it be a reminder to him of God’s ability to be sufficient even in our suffering- that God’s power is displayed when we are at our weakest.

I told my client that acceptance is “honest ownership of what we are feeling”. The question is not  “Will I ever stop feeling this way”, but rather, “what will I do when I recognize that I am feeling this way?”

My client has the tendency to condemn herself when she gets angry or frustrated about her situation. I suggested to her that frustration is a pretty normal response to her suffering, but honest appraisal of the unwanted feeling is the freedom she needs. Acceptance is not becoming complacent with how we feel, or ignoring how we feel, or even liking what we feel. Acceptance is honest ownership of that feeling. It is only then that we can be aware of the power that God can give us to transform the suffering into something that can enhance our human experience.

No one likes pain, and we try very hard to avoid it, naturally. But when we respond honestly to our feelings about it, we can start to redeem the pain into something of benefit to ourselves or to others.  

Prayer: Lord, give us the strength to honestly look at our responses to suffering, and to look to you for redemption of it, Amen

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.  He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.                                                           Colossians 1:15-17

What an amazing topic! When the Bible speaks early in Genesis about creation, it essentially starts with, When God began creating the heavens and the earth,the earth was a shapeless, chaotic mass, with the Spirit of God brooding over the dark vapors.Then God said, “Let there be light.”

The creation of light was the first order of business. Can you imagine complete and total darkness? The closest I came was when I was deep in a cave (with a tour, thankfully). The guide turned off the source of light he was holding, and boom- total darkness! I could not see my hand in front of my face. That was really weird. Why? Because we are used to light, even if it is just a little. We do not experience total darkness very often.

Darkness is, by definition, the absence of light. So really, darkness is not really a thing- it is only there because we are missing light- the source of energy needed for life. So, God’s first act was one of generating light. It takes power to generate light. When there is no power, there is no light, and subsequently, no life.

Without a power source, life ceases to exist. The creative power of God, however, is still present. The verse above in Colossians speaks to a matter of physics that the writer surely did not understand. The fact that there are forces that hold all things together- sub-atomic particles and forces- was unable to be known scientifically at that time. Yet the principle of a binding force that pervades all of creation- the presence of God in it- is a majestic truth.

This marvelous Creation is entwined with the life-force that God infused in it. It is the life -giving force of the Creator.

Prayer: Lord, you are the giver of light, and life, Amen

 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives                                                                                                           Genesis 50:20

“Never let a good crisis go to waste.”

Winston Churchill

The above quote is attributed to Winston Churchill. As an aside, if you want the best quotes, check out Churchill, Mark Twain, Yogi Berra, Will Rogers, John Wooden, Dorothy Parker- well the list goes on for me. I’m sure you have your own quotable people. We can learn a lot from these brilliant individuals.

But back to Winston Churchill. The quote above is so full of truth! Every crisis holds within it the makings of a great new beginning- a fresh start at things. Rather than only seeing the negative in the crisis, we need to see it as a wonderful opportunity to grow and start anew.

The word “crisis” is derived from the Latin “crucis” from which we get the words crucial and crux. A crisis literally puts us at a crossroad. Based upon how we approach the crisis, and resolve it, we get some type of resolution. Things cannot stay at a crisis level long before some resolution must be found. Indeed, the longer we stay in crisis, the more stressed and anxious we remain. Crisis begs for some type of resolution.

The key thought here though is that we can embrace the crisis for a healthy positive change. Churchill recognized that the wise person will see beyond the crisis state to a potential resolution- one that can effect a stable future.

Without crisis, we may not get to the place we needed to be.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see past the crisis to a desired future, Amen

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:2

We are now about four years removed from the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Yes, the virus is still with us, and in fact it is still infecting large numbers of people. I had a bout of it last March, and it was not, thankfully, debilitating. I would venture to say that almost all of my readers, and a large swath of the world’s population, have been infected, at one time or another by a variant of this virus.

Like the “Spanish Flu” that ravaged the world in the period of 1918-1922, the COVID-19 virus has mutated to a form that is more prevalent, but less virulent. Certainly, the vaccines have mitigated the COVID-19 virus in a substantial way, and have paved the way for the mutated form to be less lethal.

The COVID pandemic literally changed the world. We can honestly characterize the world now in “pre-pandemic” and “post-pandemic” eras. Just think about the ways that the pandemic has changed your world. For me, in the post-pandemic era, I now exclusively see clients by telehealth (ZOOM), not in person. I started this blog on April 1, 2020 in response to a need to express myself, and to reach people who were feeling isolated by the pandemic.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the changes that have stemmed from the pandemic. It speaks perhaps to our resiliency. It also speaks to our vulnerability. Indeed, both aspects are true of people.  

So, we take nothing for granted. Another pandemic will come at some point. Another crisis will hit. Let us remember that we are both resilient and vulnerable, and reliant upon a faith that can sustain us through the next crisis.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see our strength, as well as our dependence upon you, Amen

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.                                                                  I Peter 5:7

I recently spoke with a client who has anxiety, and we discussed some ideas which I usually share with clients struggling with anxiety. I call it the “Anxiety Tool Kit”. The point of having a tool kit is that one can use the tools to work on a project. Working on something like anxiety is just that- using new behaviors to combat anxiety.

I reminded the client that one cannot “think your way out of a thinking problem” such as anxiety. One must behave your way out of the problem. If we can change or manage certain behaviors, we now have control. Control is the antidote to anxiety. So, we discussed several behaviors, over which she has total control, which she can use when anxious. She can then use these to help “behave her way” out of a thinking problem.   

True for all of us. So, when confronted with anxiety, don’t try to think your way out of it- behave your way out of it.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see that there is a solution to every problem if we can see it from the right perspective, Amen