“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself…”                                                                                                     Franklin Delano Roosevelt

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love                                                                                             I John 4:17-18

I recently had a client who was auditioning for a part in a movie. He explained to me that his anxiety was very high, and it adversely affected his performance. I talked with him about the experience as we processed ways to handle that in the future. It is a facet of anxiety that I have discussed in this blog before. Anxiety is typically irrational, self-defeating, and at times overwhelming. The irony of course is this- my client’s fear of losing his lines CAUSED him to lose his lines!

In this way, anxiety can be the self-fulfilling prophecy that seems to have a life of its own, and a goal of defeating our desires. Once my client and I went over some of the specifics of what happened, we came up with a game plan for future auditions. The game plan included making sure that he went for the next audition, and that he did not let the anxiety win. His behavior- his determination and discipline- would carry the day. We both knew he could do it if he had the strategy to deal with the anxiety when it showed up. Yes, we were pretty sure it would show up, so I wanted him to be prepared WHEN it showed up.

Anxiety is our unwanted traveling partner. My suggestion to the client was to recognize that this traveling partner would not go away, but that he could take control of it, manage it, and find a way to make it a motivator, not an enemy.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us all the tools to overcome fear, Amen

Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.                                                                                                                                                                        I Corinthians 7:5 (The Message)

I had the opportunity recently to share an analogy with some clients who are in a difficult marriage situation. I used the analogy of a yoke of oxen. The oxen are yoked together so that they can share the load and pull in the same direction. If one is pulling sideways, or not pulling at all, the whole operation comes to a grinding halt. They are yoked together to share the burden, but also to lighten the load of the other. The yoke, while confining, also helps to leverage the maximum amount of power from the straining oxen.

This couple needed to be reminded periodically that they are on the same team. They are not trying to out-pull the other, or to try to make the burden harder. They are yoked for a reason. If they can remember to see that as they pull together, the burden gets lighter for both, they will be fine.

They are on the same team.

I find that clients who somehow have the belief that their partner does not have their best interest at stake are often not able to stay together. Even when couples are in disagreements, arguments, or just a strained place in the relationship, if they can deep down know that their partner has their back and wants the best for them, they will probably be OK.

So, even when things get tough, remember that your partner wants the best for you, even if it does not feel that way at the moment. I trust that is the case in the majority of stable relationships. Just remind yourself that you are together in it.

Prayer: Lord, help remind us that we are loved, even in the midst of trials, Amen

Making your way in the world today Takes everything you’ve got
Taking a break from all your worries Sure would help a lot
Wouldn’t you like to get away? All those nights when you’ve got no lights
The check is in the mail And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it’s tail And your third fiance didn’t show

Sometimes you wanna go Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came You wanna be where you can see (ah-ah)
Our troubles are all the same (ah-ah)
You wanna be where everybody knows your name

(Cheers theme song lyrics)

Do you remember the old TV show Cheers?  OK, now I’ve got you singing that song in your head. You’re welcome.

It was a funny, well-written show that was about the activities that went on in the local bar. A place where regular customers came in and bantered about life. The theme song (first stanza above) has some very interesting and true-to-life words. The words of the last two lines always struck me:

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came you wanna be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name

I had a client recently who was suffering a very painful estrangement from her family. There had been much rejection, even abuse, and this client was trying to find places where she would be validated and accepted. Her family of origin, unfortunately, was not one of those places. While she was hurt by family rejection, she still longed for their validation.

I suggested to this client that such validation is necessary for all of us. We seek out places where we are accepted, “where everybody knows our name”. A place where, “they’re always glad you came”

My suggestion to her was involvement in small groups at her church, or perhaps volunteer work with others with whom she could connect in a mission larger than herself. Perhaps in places like that, she could find meaningful connections and acceptance just for who she is.

It is interesting that many people do seek such validation at bars. The show’s characters like Sam, and Norm, and Cliff, and Diane found acceptance in the bar. I would hope that perhaps churches could be places where people find the comfort of caring relationships. Where everybody (or many) know your name; where they are glad you came, and missed you if you did not come.

Maybe then more people would seek out churches rather than bars for those relationships.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us relational beings. Help us to validate and encourage one another, Amen

Three of Job’s friends heard of all the trouble that had fallen on him. Each traveled from his own country—Eliphaz from Teman, Bildad from Shuhah, Zophar from Naamath—and went together to Job to keep him company and comfort him. When they first caught sight of him, they couldn’t believe what they saw—they hardly recognized him! They cried out in lament, ripped their robes, and dumped dirt on their heads as a sign of their grief. Then they sat with him on the ground. Seven days and nights they sat there without saying a word. They could see how rotten he felt, how deeply he was suffering.                                                                                                                                       Job 2:11-13 (The Message)

This passage from the book of Job in the Bible always struck me as a great lesson in the importance of “presence”. Job had just experienced devastating losses of family and possessions, and he was in great misery. His friends from all around the area conferred with one another and went to comfort their friend. Upon arrival, they simply sat with him. They were so moved by his pain that they experienced suffering themselves. They said nothing, perhaps too stunned to know what to say, and wise enough to say nothing. They just wanted to be with their friend in his time of need.

It was only after they started to try to give him advice that they caused him some additional emotional pain. That however, is another story. The point is that they cared enough to plan together to travel to see him, and they just sat with him to show their love and support. That, it turned out, was the real healing they brought to their friend Job.

This COVID-19 crisis caused us to be much less present with one another physically. Yes, we are blessed with many modes of electronic communication, and that is of incredible value. But we missed physical presence. There is something about just being with others, connecting, hugging, touching, that had been taken from us. I missed it, and thankfully, it is now being restored.

 Just today, I had the opportunity to reconnect with people I have not seen for many years. What a blessing it was to see them, hug them, and tell them in person how much I value them.

I trust that one of the lessons we take away from the COVID crisis is to never again undervalue the importance of being simply present with one another. What a gift that is.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for building us to be in need of one another’s presence. We often feel your presence when we are with others, Amen

And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady.                                                                                               Romans 5:4 (Living Bible)

On this date 52 years ago the first manned moon landing took place, with Neil Armstrong steeping from his lunar lander and voicing his famous words “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”

That technological marvel was accomplished through the efforts of some 400,000 people, working in various capacities over many years to make this historic even happen. They also did this, for the most part, with old analog technology. The phone that you carry in your pocket has vastly more computing power than was available for that launch to the moon.

We take so much for granted now as we have progressed in technological knowledge. If the show we are streaming has a blip, we become upset. We have become used to instant access to everything. Yet this instant access to information sometimes shortcuts the processing time that we used to have to employ in getting that information. We now expect instant results, quick solutions, and immediate gratification.

Is it any wonder that there has arisen a sense of impatience among us? We want it (whatever it is) NOW. If we do not get it, we feel cheated. This growing sense of impatience and entitlement is leading to increased violence. We see this daily, and it is worrisome to say the least.

Once the instant gratification phenomenon is available, it is expected. It is hard to slow things down when we expect instant results. Anything less makes us angry.

So, I have no answers for our human nature. That’s us! But I do hope that we can look at our own sense of instant gratification, and try to slow down the process of our expectations.

As the old saying goes, “Lord, give me patience, and give it to me now!”

Prayer: Lord, you have given us great gifts to improve the world. Help us to be wise stewards, Amen

A man without God is trusting in a spider’s web. Everything he counts on will collapse.  If he counts on his home for security, it won’t last.                                                                                                                     Job 8:14-15 (Living Bible)

Immediately following World War I, Warren Harding ran on a platform of “Return to Normalcy”. No one is exactly sure what that means, but it sure sounded good to a war-weary American populace in the 1920 election. Much like our return to post-Covid-19 life (yes, I’m saying “post Covid” even though the Delta variant is still a problem), we want a return to “normal”.

I began to think about my own sense of normal. I am more a creature of habit than I care to admit (yes, I just admitted it, stay with me). If there is any break in my routine, even good things like vacations, I get thrown off a bit, and I crave a return to what I see as my normal.

Even in little things.

 Recently, we just had new carpet installed. Yes, a good thing to replace old carpet- fresh look and feel and all that. Yet, the house was disrupted for several days, things out of place etc., and my normal routine was altered just a bit. I noticed that I was anxious to get “back to normal”. I wanted things put back into their place, and my routine restored.

Funny how we rely upon the simple little things to give us a sense of normal. That “normal” is our sense of feeling secure, because life is then a bit more predictable. If a little thing like a break from our routine can give us a slight sense of imbalance, how much more does trauma affect our lives?

We seek security and predictability. That true security in life comes from our faith, but we sure want those little tokens of our “normal” to keep us on an even keel.

I know I do.

Prayer: Lord, be with those whose life is disrupted by trauma of any kind. Bless them and give them your sense of security, Amen

Enjoy this reprint of my blog that ran on July 25, 2020…

No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good,
    and this is what he requires of you:
to do what is right, to love mercy,
    and to walk humbly with your God.                                                                                                        Micah 6:8

This is a story that is an addition and expansion of the account of the three wise men recounted in the book of Matthew. It tells about a “fourth” wise man, a priest of the Magi named Artaban, one of the Medes from Persia.

 Like the other Magi, he sees signs in the heavens proclaiming that a King had been born among the Jews. Like them, he sets out to see the newborn ruler, carrying treasures to give as gifts to the child – a sapphire, a ruby, and a “pearl of great price”. However, he stops along the way to help a dying man, which makes him late to meet with the caravan of the other three wise men. Because he missed the caravan, and he can’t cross the desert with only a horse, he is forced to sell one of his treasures in order to buy the camels and supplies necessary for the trip. He then commences his journey but arrives in Bethlehem too late to see the child, whose parents have fled to Egypt to escape the plot of Herod to kill the possible rival King.  He saves the life of a child at the price of another of his treasures.

Artaban then travels to Egypt and to many other countries, searching for Jesus for many years and performing acts of charity along the way. After 33 years, Artaban is still a pilgrim, and a seeker after light. Artaban arrives in Jerusalem just in time for the crucifixion of Jesus. He spends his last treasure, the pearl, to ransom a young woman from being sold into slavery. He is then struck in the head by a falling roof tile and is about to die, having failed in his quest to find Jesus, but having done much good through charitable works. A voice tells him “Verily I say unto thee, inasmuch as thou hast done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, thou hast done it unto me.” (Matthew 25:40). He dies in a calm radiance of wonder and joy. His treasures were accepted, and the Other Wise Man found his King.

From a short novel by Henry van Dyke

I always loved this story, because of its beauty, and also because of the truth it explains. The fourth wise man went about his life seeking to fulfill his mission- to find and to honor Jesus. All through his life, he believed that he had failed in the mission because he could never deliver his precious gifts to Jesus. Of course, he had been serving out his mission the whole time. He had been serving Jesus by serving other people. That IS the mission.

So, I think often we miss the fact that our lives have great meaning and purpose to the extent that we humbly serve others. Nurturing mothers and fathers are serving out their calling by caring for their children as best they can. Teachers are serving out their calling by dedicating themselves to the betterment of their students. Medical personnel are doing healing work. First responders are saving lives, often at the expense of their own.

On and on. You fill in the blank of how you are serving and playing out your mission. Is there more for you? Do you feel that there are things that you still must do?

Good. We never stop living out that mission. We never “retire” from our calling. If you have somehow decided that you have nothing more to give, think again. We need to LIVE until we die, not exist until we die. If there is that one more thing that is in front of you, pursue it. Because that might be the voice of God prompting you to seize that moment with your set of skills and passion to impact another.

Prayer: Thank you for the plan of mission, of significance, of honoring you with our life, Amen.

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.                                                                                                                          Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

Have you ever heard of Norman Borlaug? Neither had I. Funny how we often do not hear of the news that is the most uplifting and world changing. It turns out that Mr. Borlaug had a lot to do with the “Green Revolution” of the 1950’s and 60’s which helped to turn much of the world’s arable land into productive, food producing land due to his meticulous research. His work with making hybrid wheats likely has saved tens of thousands, perhaps millions, of people from starvation. He won the 1970 Nobel Peace Prize for his work.

Every day we are inundated with bad news. You need not look far for pain, misery and doom. That is because news essentially singles out such stories because they are both sudden and newsworthy. Bad news arises quickly, generally, and it grabs headlines.

Good news, on the other hand, is with us all the time, and it is not, therefore, newsworthy. It is not “breaking news”, it is normal life. For example, the fact that there is less starvation now worldwide than ever in history, is not newsworthy. Partly, that is also due to the fact that it is hard to celebrate less starvation when starvation still exists in the world.

We cannot blame news media for this phenomenon. News is made up of events that are new, interesting, and important. The fact that there are wildfires and hurricanes happening is absolutely true. Those events are devastating in real time to thousands of people, and it is important to note.

At the same time, there are many, many things and events in the world that are good news, but they are swallowed by other pressing events. That is simply a matter of life. We need to remember however, the important fact that there are many incredible achievements that go unnoticed.

People like Norman Borlaug.

Prayer: Help us remember your grace and provision for us, even in the midst of bad news, Amen

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever                                                               Hebrews 13:8 (Living Bible)

I spoke with a client recently who is struggling a great deal in his relationship with God. Not uncommon, to be sure. We all wrestle, to some degree, with understanding our relationship with God. This client like several others, sat under teaching that emphasized a God who was easily angered by people, and would respond with grievous punishment. Specifically, this client fears the “end times”, which is a teaching emphasis of the churches he has attended over the years.  

This client has based most of his relationship with God on an emotional connection. He can feel intensely close to God after certain experiences, but when that feeling wanes, he wonders if he is worthy of a relationship with God.

Emotions are powerful drivers, and we can get enamored with those “mountaintop experiences” that leave us feeling exhilarated. The problem is, those emotions are bound to subside and return to the normal ups and downs that all of us experience. We cannot gauge our relationship with God, or even other people, solely upon how we feel.

God never changes, but our emotions about him do. It is important to remember that our acceptance by God is not based upon an emotional experience. It is based upon the trust that he is faithful, and he keeps his promises, even when we are not “feeling it”.

Our emotions are wonderful parts of the human experience. We just cannot live our life, or judge our worth, or gauge our relationship with God by those feelings that are bound to be changeable.  

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the gift of emotional response. Help us to keep it in perspective, and recognize that your love for us never changes, Amen.

God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears                                                                              Psalm 34:4

I spoke with a client recently who suffers from anxiety. The discussion led to the difference between generalized anxiety and performance anxiety. He said that the difference for him is that performance anxiety actually gives him energy. The excitement he feels, while partly uncomfortable, is also somewhat of a spur to him to do his best.

Everyday anxieties are draining and sap him of energy. That anxiety is not productive, while performance anxiety can actually be a motivator to do our best. Both types of anxiety can be very annoying and frustrating, but it is beneficial to try to distinguish between the two.

Performance anxiety is situational, whereas generalized anxiety is pervasive. Performance anxiety can energize and motivate us. Generalized anxiety saps our energy and decreases productivity.

So, not all anxiety is the same. For my client, the discussion about the types of anxiety proved to be helpful and normalizing. His self-awareness was a way for him to feel some control over the anxiety. As I have said in this blog often, control is the antidote for anxiety- we just need to determine what we CAN control and what we CANNOT control.

 I hope this little piece can be helpful for you as well!

Prayer: Lord, help us gain awareness of what we can control, and what we cannot, Amen.