His parents didn’t know what to think. “Son,” his mother said to him, “why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been frantic, searching for you everywhere.”

 “But why did you need to search?” he asked. “Didn’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But they didn’t understand what he meant.

 Then he returned to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. And his mother stored all these things in her heart.

 Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people.                                           Luke 2:48-52 (New Living)

The central tenet of the Christian faith is that Jesus, the son of God, set aside his divine nature and came to earth as a frail human being. Having done so, he became subject to all of the facets of the human condition. He had to learn things about how to live- learn toilet training, learn how to work, how to feed himself, understand language and people- all of it.

I think it is hard for people to square this understanding of Jesus’ humanity with the divine nature he had willingly set aside. Jesus had emotions. He got angry, sad, hurt, depressed, anxious, happy, playful. He would get sick, make mistakes, forget stuff. Yes, I said that Jesus made mistakes. He didn’t sin, but he made mistakes, and he had to learn.

I think about the passage when he got lost from his parents on the way back from the Temple. In his careless young mind, his parents should have known what he was doing even when he had not bothered to share it with them. He did not understand that parents worry about their kids, because he was a kid himself. He wasn’t being deliberately disobedient, he was being careless and thoughtless of what his parents were going through.

Later, Luke (who got his stories of Jesus’ early life from Mary) remarked that Jesus then “grew in wisdom”.  He learned about emotions and human interactions. I love that Luke shared this story. Jesus could truly relate with the people he was to redeem, and he understands in that special way what we go through.

Isn’t that as amazing as it gets?

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for the sacrifices you made for us- even to humbling yourself as one of your creation, Amen.

Come to me and I will give you rest—all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. Wear my yoke—for it fits perfectly—and let me teach you; for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; for I give you only light burdens.”                                                                                            Matthew 11:28

I am not an expert in Trauma Informed Care, but I do try to adhere to the principles of this methodology in my practice. This treatment philosophy pays close attention to the pervasive nature of trauma in the lives of our clients, especially early-life trauma. There are many events that can cause trauma, such as neglect, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, as well as, at times, the effects of living with developmental and physical maladies which isolate or delay typical maturation and growth.

Witnessing trauma is also traumatic. Children who see violence early in life, especially among family members, can have significant emotional delays. Indeed, early trauma can actually change the way that the brain develops, thus having a life-long effect on the child as he/she grows up.

In the world we inhabit, we are surrounded by violent and disturbing acts. It is true that previous generations lived in violent times as well- perhaps even more so- as survival may have depended on performing violent acts. Yet in our world, we are surrounded by the news every day, which steadily pounds a beat of traumatic events before our eyes and ears. In fact, it is so prevalent, we have become inured to it. The next terrible mass shooting is simply that- the next one. We have lost the capacity to be properly outraged.

I certainly do not know the answers here. I do believe that the confluence of anger, the failure to provide significant mental health evaluation and treatment, and the abundance of weapons, has brought together a critical mass of trouble.

Prayer: Lord give us wisdom as to how to proceed in a world that loses its way without you, Amen.

Even if we believe that it makes no difference to the Lord whether we do these things, still we cannot just go ahead and do them to please ourselves; for we must bear the “burden” of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others—of those who feel these things are wrong. Let’s please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what is for his good and thus build him up in the Lord.                                                               Romans 15:1-2 (Living Bible)

This passage is very direct in telling us of the responsibility that we have to be a living model for those around us. In the early Church, the leaders took this very seriously, as it was necessary for the young movement to be as pristine as possible in consistency of the message of love which Jesus pronounced. Therefore, Paul took great pains to explain that we should subjugate our comfort and desires for the good of others and the good of the Gospel.

The word “Role Model” is of relatively recent vintage, coined by Robert Merton, a renowned sociologist, in the 1950’s. The concept however is timeless. We all have a tendency to aspire to the good behavior we see around us- or conversely, to live down to the poor behaviors we see around us. Until we have developed a strong internal moral compass, we are more prone to adapt to the values we see around us.

The early Christian leaders knew this, and they insisted upon a selfless following of the model of Jesus. Without a true canon of Scripture in those early days, the only real message of Jesus was found in the behavior displayed by those who named Jesus as Lord.

Francis of Assisi said that we should “preach the Gospel at all times, using words if necessary” – a succinct and true statement which I really love and quote often.

We are surrounded by sports figures who regularly are held out as “role models”, only to fail at some aspect of their behavior. Our job is to find, and become, those models who are most like Jesus. We will never find perfection in this, but we are called to be on that journey. Indeed, that journey goes best with others who are trying to travel the same road.

Prayer: Father, we are imperfect models of Jesus, but we aspire to follow Him. We trust in your Holy Spirit to guide us as we submit to Him, Amen.

Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

Proverbs 17:6 (KJV)

This day in history is, to my understanding, nothing special. However, it became special to me when I found an old church bulletin from St. Bonaventure Church from that date. You see, on the other side of this church bulletin, my dad had kept the box score from the game that day between the Boston Bees (now the Atlanta Braves) and the Cincinnati Reds. In his own hand, he captured the action that day between two teams that played at old Crosley Field in Cincinnati.

I had heard him talk about Ernie Lombardi, Ival Goodman, Lew Riggs, Kiki Cuyler, and Alex Kampouris, but here they came to life because my dad had kept score. The Reds lost that day 8-3. Just another in the long line of games that go on daily in baseball. But this one is captured for all time. I framed that somewhat messy, pencil smeared box score, and it will stay in my office as long as I can keep it.

Just another day, another in a long succession of baseball games, is now a cherished keepsake because my dad decided to capture it that day. Why he kept it, I do not know. Was he at the game? Did he score it while listening to the game on radio? I am sure that I will never know. I do know that this is a piece of him that was dear to him, and therefore, it is dear to me.

Maybe it was just another lazy summer day. Maybe it was special to him.

I know it is special to me.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for giving me parents who loved me and cared for me so well, Amen

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters                                                                                                                                           Psalm 23:1-2 (KJV)

Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass.So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties.  Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to his disciples to distribute to the people. He also divided the two fish among them all.  They all ate and were satisfied…                                               Mark 6:39-42

I think we can all relate to eating. It is a basic need to stay alive, of course, but eating is something that we do with great relish (pardon the pun). Jesus recognized that we can readily relate to stories about food in order to get to know the nature and character of God.

In the 23^rd Psalm, we see that God makes provision for his people. When Jesus was walking the earth, he used that same analogy, but he brought it to life when he stopped to feed the 5000 who had followed him and were now hungry. Jesus directed the people to “sit down on the green grass” and prepare to be fed. He saved them from the “want” of hunger, and he “prepared a table for them” in the green grass.

I was struck by this beautiful analogy while listening to a sermon from pastor Adam Hamilton a few weeks ago. God gets our attention when he feeds us. Jesus made sure that those who followed him were well fed. What a wonderful metaphor of God’s provision for us.

Prayer: You feed us day-to-day with so many benefits. Thank you for that provision, Amen

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free                                                                                         John 8:32 (KJV)

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves…”                                Viktor E. Frankl

I talked yesterday about the spiritual element in our human nature which gives meaning to our life. As I discussed, all spheres of the human experience ideally should be addressed when we are in counseling. I also understand, and completely agree, that the client will direct where they want to go in the counseling process. The client, in coordination with the counselor, sets the goals of treatment. My job as counselor is to help guide that path, honoring the destination that the client wants.

A few years ago, I had a client who told me right from the start that she wanted no part of a spiritual discussion in counseling, after I had discussed my general theoretical approach. Of course, I honored that request, and we proceeded several sessions, discussing her depression, and some of the lifestyle choices that she shared that were her attempts at finding some joy and pleasure in her depressed state of mind.  

One time, early in a subsequent session she said that she felt that something was missing in her life, and she could not get her hands on what it was. There was a void that she could not fill. I asked her about her earlier request to not bring spiritual values into the counseling. I told her that I wanted to continue to honor her request, but without at least exploring that part of her life, we may not make the progress she would want.

The client agreed to the idea of discussing her spiritual values and beliefs, and how that influenced her life and decisions. Our discussions became deeper and more thoughtful. She opened up about some very difficult past experiences with religion that had wounded her. The counseling took a better turn, and opened up for the client some resources that she said she wanted to consider more fully.

I bring this up to demonstrate that without a holistic approach, paying attention to our inner being and our behavioral responses to that, progress is usually hindered. Indeed, I am not saying by any means that clients must adopt my belief system. I do think that it is necessary for people to be completely honest with themselves about what they do believe, or do not believe, and that such truth will set them free. Then the choices that we make can be with our full ownership and acceptance of the consequences.

Prayer: Thank you for the meaning you set in our soul and life, Amen

“In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”                                                                                                                                                                  Viktor E. Frankl

The empty-headed treat life as a plaything; the perceptive grasp its meaning and make a go of it.

Proverbs 15:21 (The Message)

I have stated many times that my view of counseling involves a holistic approach. This means that I try to pay attention to, and incorporate, all the levels of human experience- physical, spiritual, and mental/emotional. Each area affects the other because we are integrated beings. When we are physically sick, it affects our mental outlook, and, of course if we are mentally or emotionally challenged, it affects our physical health, namely sleep, appetite and other necessary bodily functions.

Less discussed is the effect of spiritual distress, which as a society, we typically pay less attention to. Some in society may see spiritual health as a “nice add-on” if one has time to pay attention to it. Yet, spiritual health is critical to overall function. It gives us meaning.

Viktor Frankl wrote a great deal about this in his works. As a holocaust survivor, he came to develop an entire field of therapy called Logotherapy. He recognized that the life force that kept he and many of his fellow survivors alive was the understanding of a larger view than just physical survival. If your spirit dies, you die. Frankl saw this time and again in the concentration camps he was in.

I will be talking more about this in the next blogs.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the gift of life and meaning in it, Amen

Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee.  As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”                                                                                                                Luke 17:11-13

I wrote yesterday in this space that Jesus healed those suffering ten lepers “along the way” as he sent them out. Just some additional thoughts on that.

Those ten lepers were a mix of Samaritans and Jews. Now we know that Samaritans and Jews hated one another and had serious religious and cultural differences that separated them. Yet, their common plight of leprosy seemed to level the playing field. Suffering can do that. Things that once seemed important, pale in comparison to a devastating event which somehow levels the ground we hold. Suffering can be a common crisis that over-arches mere religious, class, economic status, and cultural differences.

 In the end, human beings suffer, and they need one another intensely at those times. Stuff like race and religion take a back seat to the need for common understanding and compassion for our brothers and sisters. So, these Jews and Samaritans traveled together, the common bond being the outcast status that leprosy handed them.

Jesus was not a discerner of race, religion, gender or status. He came to heal all who asked for his hand of healing.  Sad that it takes cataclysmic events for people to determine that artificial distinctions between human beings need not get in the way of our common need for one another, regardless of superficial differences.

Prayer: Lord, help us always keep in mind that we hold in common, as a human race, our need for you, Amen

And I will come down and have talk with you there: and I will take some of the spirit which is on you and put it on them, and they will take part of the weight of the people off you, so that you do not have to take it by yourself                                                                                                                                              Numbers 11:17 (Bible in Basic English)

Empty nights echo your name
Whoa, sometimes I wonder
Will I ever be the same?

The Four Tops (Baby I Need Your Lovin’)

 Will we ever be the same again? You know, COVID-19 has changed our lives, and I think that they are changed forever. Not all change is bad, of course, and some of the things we have learned in the pandemic will actually help us in the future.

For example, we have learned that many meetings can be done quite efficiently on a virtual platform. Working from home will actually lower costs of some businesses and services. Hopefully we also have learned the value of better health practices, including mask wearing and hand washing/sanitizing. Because of these practices, I believe, as well as the high level of social distancing practiced, the seasonal flu this year was practically non-existent. Better attention to such hygienic practices really does work.

But the cost of these benefits was terribly high. The level of isolation, alienation, the limited options for fellowship and gathering, all extracted a heavy price on our mental and emotional health. And that is not to mention the educational losses that our children sustained. Maybe we will never know the true cost of this pandemic in those regards.

I do telehealth in my counseling practice, and that has certainly been a major blessing. New Creation Counseling Center administration cannot be praised enough for the quick and efficient transition to telehealth for the safety of all involved. However, telehealth has its limits too. I am not able to actually be in the same room with my clients, and there are certain cues and non-verbal behaviors that are simply missed.

It is ironic that one of the signal symptoms of COVID-19 is loss of smell and taste. One of the senses taken away in telecounseling is the sense of smell. The other sense taken away in telehealth is that of touch. Granted, these sensory losses are not always critical to counseling. However, it makes the experience just a bit more sterile. I find myself concentrating so much more on that screen to look for eye contact and eye movement, blushes, sighs, etc. that it can be a bit more exhausting than in-person sessions. In-person sessions allow a much richer contact.

So, we accept that there is a new landscape present. Perhaps another good thing we re-learned is that human presence and contact is so essential for mental health and stability.

In short, it reminds us again -we need each other.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us to rely upon one another, help us to do that in new and helpful ways, Amen

Don’t let anyone think little of you because you are young. Be their ideal; let them follow the way you teach and live; be a pattern for them in your love, your faith, and your clean thoughts.                                         I Timothy 4:12 (Living Bible)

Relay races are exciting events. In a relay race, there are usually four runners on a team, each one designated to run a “leg” of the race. It takes speed, skill and amazing teamwork to put together a relay team.

The crucial part of winning a relay race, other than speed, is the deftness and agility in handing off the baton. In order to do this, the runner with the baton must time his/her steps, without losing any ground, to slow down just enough so that the baton can be passed to the teammate running up behind them. Precious seconds can be lost if the hand-off is not near perfect. Dropping the baton means that the race is lost.

The analogy with leadership is much the same. One generation of leaders must learn how to efficiently and skillfully pass on the baton of leadership. That means that the baton holder must know when the time has come to hand off the baton. Doing so too quickly or too slowly can mean serious problems for an organization. Knowing how to slow down just enough to get the successor ready is crucial. Then, when the baton has been passed, the former holder must peel off and make way for the teammate who will now carry on.

We older leaders have, or are in the process of, handing off the baton. Our job is to make sure that we have done our part, and only then can we, (and we must), depart from the track.

There is an old saying that the Church is one generation away from extinction. We are to carry the baton of our faith and successfully hand it off to the next generation so that the Kingdom can continue and prosper.  

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom and grace to hand off the baton well for future leaders, Amen