The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.                                                                         Psalm 34:18

Ducks. Now, how can you not like a duck? They are so endearing as they waddle around! On my walk yesterday, I was going around a nearby lake when I saw several ducks plop into the water. As they descended from the shore, I noticed that they did not leave a ripple on top of the water. They glided smoothly along, headed behind their mother, I think. It struck me that beneath the water, there was some furious paddling going on to propel them along. Yet, from where I stood, the water was calm and almost still.

Then I thought of some people who are “paddling furiously” beneath the surface, dealing with problems that others are unaware of. They maintain a calm exterior, giving the appearance of serenity. But underneath, they are masking pain and stress that they may not ever display.

Just a reminder for us all. Many people are silently struggling with pain that they may never announce. Consider this the next time you are dealing with someone. Give them grace, for they may need it more than you know.

Prayer: Lord, give us the grace to give grace to others, Amen

Accept my grateful thanks and teach me your desires                                                           Psalm 119:108

Quick thought this morning. What are you grateful for today? Truly, there are many things for which to be grateful, but what strikes you first thing? Is it your relative comfort in this world? Your safety, which we often take for granted in a broken and war-like world? Is it your family, your work, your health?

Whatever it might be, call it to mind. It is good for your soul.

Prayer: Lord, so much to be grateful for. Your blessings are bountiful, and sometimes overlooked, Amen

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us…                                Romans 12:6a

I was speaking the other day with a client who was talking about her frustration about not being able to articulate well her opinions about certain decisions that she and her husband need to make. They are “wired” differently in how they perceive the world. She is much more intuitive in the way she approaches decisions. Her husband is much more linear in his thinking.

He is prone to more logical processes, whereas she may be more circuitous in how she arrives at her conclusions. He can articulate his position in a more straightforward fashion, whereas she may take a more peripheral route to her explanations.

This I felt was a good example of left-brained v. right-brained thinking. These are tendencies where basic orientation of how one perceives the world shapes the way we problem solve. The left-brained orientation will lean toward logic and linear thinking. Novel approaches to problem solving are more likely to come from the right-brained person. Connections for them may not be as straightforward, but hold the possibility of novel solutions- ones that may not appear obvious to others.

Because her husband sees the world in a more straightforward, logic-driven way, he cannot always understand her way of thinking. She also has trouble explaining herself to him because they, in some ways, speak a “different emotional language”. My client struggles with this, and often ends up simply giving in, believing that she is probably wrong because she cannot explain her own internal logic to him.  

I explained to her that her thinking pattern is not wrong, just different. She is beginning to see this, and we are working on ways for her to better understand herself.

So many times, we see differences in people and assume that something is wrong. Isn’t it great that we are so different as we reflect the full image of God’s creation?

Prayer: Lord, you have made a diverse world, one that reflects your creative Spirit, Amen  

 And people will come from east and west, and from north and south, and recline at table in the kingdom of God.  And behold, some are last who will be first, and some are first who will be last.     

Luke 13:29-30

After this I looked, and there was an enormous crowd—no one could count all the people! They were from every race, tribe, nation, and language, and they stood in front of the throne and of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palm branches in their hands.   

Revelation 7:9 (Good News Translation)

I posted this story some time ago, but today, my daughter texted me that she had just seen a picture that reminded her of our old pet, Maggie. My wife and I had just last night talked about Maggie and how we missed her, and the difficulty of when we had to put her down at age 17. Sometimes the Universe just conspires to compel us to express some important feelings. So, here is a Maggie story reprint. Enjoy…

Years ago our family had a mutt- sorry, “mixed breed” – little dog we named Maggie. Maggie had come from an abusive home, rescued by a visiting nurse at our mental health center who had a big heart for dogs. She could not abide seeing a dog mistreated, so she took the dog with her from that abusive home, and brought her to our center. I wasn’t sure what to do with the dog, so naturally, I brought her home to my surprised wife and kids.

So, 17 years later, I had to have Maggie put to sleep because she had been suffering from various maladies of old age. She was a delightful dog. She was as fast as the wind and built like a whippet, but also possessing many other genes from various doggie types, I’m sure. Yes, she lived to be 17 years old. Mutts- sorry, “mixed breeds” will do that. Your purebreds? Not so much. Due to inbreeding, they often succumb to various diseases or genetic conditions before the “mixed breeds” do.

So, the point of this story? I find it ironic that we seem to value “pure breeding” so much. Indeed, royal families, often struggled with inherited diseases like porphyria because there was not enough genetic variety in the bloodline. Eugenics, popular in the late 19^th and early 20^th centuries, favored the idea of “breeding” ideal human specimens, weeding out “genetically inferior populations”. Indeed, Adolf Hitler was not by any means the only proponent of eugenics, just perhaps the most diabolical.

Jesus came from a line of “mixed breeds” in the genealogy provided in the gospel of Matthew. Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba are four women named in this line from which Jesus sprang. Tamar, was in the Hebrew line, but become pregnant by posing as a temple prostitute; Rahab was a prostitute/innkeeper from Jericho who aided the Israelites in their conquest of her city; Ruth was from Moab, home of a tribe of historically vicious rivals to the Israelites; and Bathsheba was a woman married to a Hittite man, taken by king David out of his sheer lust for her.

These were women from other countries, with provocative tribal and sexual backgrounds, all woven into the earthly line from which came Jesus. Safe to say that Jesus came from a “mixed background”.

Variety in genetic lines gives strength and resistance to us. Our very differences in background make us stronger. Jesus came from a diverse background to demonstrate that he is redeemer of all mankind, not just one tribe.  Now if we can just get the value of this diversity idea into our heads…

Prayer: Father, thank you for the plan of diversity that teaches us to value one anothers differences as strength to the whole of us, Amen.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.               Galatians 5:22-23

I was speaking the other day with a client and we discussed anger control. The truth is, anger control starts long before the precipitating event of the anger, but that is another story. I will get into that in another blog entry.

As we discussed his anger triggers with his wife, we discussed the fact that he needs a brief “pause button”- he suggested 60 seconds, and I think that was good. He knows himself, and if he says 60 seconds, we can go with that. In those 60 seconds, I asked him to do the controlled breathing that I have discussed in this blog before. That controlled breathing consists of four seconds of air intake through the nose; a pause of holding that breath for about five or six seconds; and exhaling slowly through the mouth for about eight seconds.  

In doing this, one takes voluntary control of an involuntary body function (breathing). In other words, he regains control of his body. In so doing, he feels to be in more control of himself. In addition, during that five or so seconds of holding his breath, he is to say a brief prayer for spiritual connection.

Therefore, in those 60 seconds he talked about, he can do this breathing exercise several times. In that span, he has changed his physical state (more oxygen and less carbon dioxide), his emotional state (more peace), and his spiritual state (a quick God connection). He is back in control of his entire self.

So, taking control of breathing can give rise to a sense of more total control of self.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us in marvelous ways. Help us to take care of all parts of ourself, Amen

I work with a lot of people who are in recovery from some type of addiction. Many of them use the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in their recovery work. Why the 12 Steps? Because as many are fond of saying about the steps, “they work if you work them”. Wisdom there!

I remember at one point, one of the attenders of our Next Step recovery service remarking that he had a problem with a co-worker, and he was going to do a 4^th step to try to work on mending the rift at his workplace. The workplace issue had nothing to do with his use/abuse of alcohol- he had a solid 5 years of recovery and clean time by then.  He decided that using the 12 Steps in everyday situations was also a good way to live. He was right.

That 4^th Step he was talking about involved doing a personal inventory of his own- essentially asking, “what part might I have played in this problem?” This man had incorporated the 12 Steps into his life so thoroughly that he used them to deal with many life problems that arose. Of course, this was also a way to ensure that he did not relapse into alcohol as a “quick fix” or avoidance of problems like he had earlier in life.

I have never forgotten the value and wisdom that he showed in his self-management of problems. The wisdom of the 12 Steps is straight forward and effective. As they said in the Next Step community, “recovery is not just for alcoholics anymore…”

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the simple wisdom that comes from the humility and authenticity of recovery principles, Amen 

The fool says in his heart,
    “There is no God.”

Psalm 14:1

I just finished a book about John Glenn and Ted Williams, titled Wingmen. The title is derived from their relationship as U.S. Marine pilots in the Korean Conflict. Both were veterans of World War II also, but Williams did not see combat in World War II. He was a pilot trainer in that war. Both wars cost Williams almost four years off a Hall of Fame Baseball career.

It is a touching and revealing story of two American heroes whose lives were quite different. Glenn was a devout Christian, and Williams was more or less an agnostic. Both were extremely talented and disciplined, and both were American heroes in their own right.

I was struck by John Glenn’s response to his space flight, which included being the first American to orbit the earth. When he did it, America was in the midst of the Cold War with the USSR, and his feat of orbiting the earth gave Americans something to cheer about when the Soviets were winning the space race.

Glenn remarked that upon seeing the earth from space (he also went into space on the Shuttle at age 75), that he could not imagine how one could deny the existence of a Master Creator. One does not need to see earth from space to recognize that, but I can hardly imagine the awe of such a sight!

I am reminded daily of the majesty and wonder of creation. Indeed, how can one not see the hand of an infinite Creator?

Prayer: Lord, your creation is beyond awe and wonder! Amen  

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.     Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

I often start my counseling sessions with this question: “What was the best thing that happened for you in the past week?” If it had been longer than that since I saw the client, it would be “in the last two weeks”, or the “last month”, etc.

The point here is that I want to start off with some positives in their life. They are already coming to counseling because some things in their life are not going the way that they would like or like they would have imagined. Therefore, I want to start out with a positive or two.

By asking that question, I can also affirm what work they have accomplished, maybe with the homework I gave. I always give homework. You know, the work that will be of lasting help does not come in my office, it comes from using tools we discussed and behaving in different ways with their personal disciplines, or in their relationships with others.  

We can then discuss current concerns or problems that they want to bring forward in counseling. Which brings me to a frequent second question: “What is the best thing we should talk about today?”

I want the client to own the content of the session, so they bring forth the topics. I will, however, ask them how the homework went. Accountability is important for both client and counselor. They are accountable for doing the work we discussed, and I am accountable for having reviewed their file and refreshing my understanding of their goals and progress.

Just a little picture today of my process of counseling. Hope this is encouraging for you as well!

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep positive thoughts in our day, Amen

for it was through reading the Scripture that I came to realize that I could never find God’s favor by trying—and failing—to obey the laws. I came to realize that acceptance with God comes by believing in Christ.                                                                                            Galatians 2:9 (Living Bible)

I was speaking with a client recently about her projections. Projection is a funny thing. It is the psychological defense whereby one projects onto other people undesirable traits of their own on to other people in order to protect themselves psychologically.

But it also works in another way. Sometimes, people who are anxious and perfectionistic, project onto others the assumption that others must see them the same way they see themselves- flawed and imperfect. Indeed, this can become so pervasive and intense, that the person who is projecting is convinced that others must see them in this flawed way because they cannot see themselves any other way.

When I explained this to my client, she saw the truth of that for her. Her own driven nature to be perfect ends up in her perceived failure to measure up. She then feels that others must surely see this too. The intensity of her feeling, fueled by anxiety, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy- others often see her as anxious.

Being able to process this, and assured that this is not uncommon, the client felt some relief. As I say to my clients, “You have to get it out of here (your head) and out to here (expressing to safe others).”

So often, people have internal thoughts that they believe are “crazy”, or that “no one else ever thinks the way that I do”. Mostly, we all have some quirky beliefs and ideas that are common to most people. Expressing such things with “safe others” is a fine remedy.   

Prayer: Lord, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. What a plan you have for us, Amen

We felt we were doomed to die and saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good, for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us, for he can even raise the dead. II Corinthains 1:9

Often when I speak with clients, and they appear to be angry, or if I ask them how they are feeling, they may say, “I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated!” It is interesting that we would rather not identify a feeling we are having as anger- we label it as something else. I suppose it is more acceptable to be feeling frustrated than feeling angry.

I often explain to my clients that frustration is actually a combination of anger plus the perceived loss of power. So, frustration is a little more complex than just anger. It actually is somehow worse, because we also then feel unable to go about acting on the difficult situation we may be in.

Sometimes it helps if we can more clearly identify the complex feelings we are having. We can own the idea that we are angry, and we can also clarify that we also are feeling helpless at the time. Usually, we are not totally helpless. There are things that we can do so that we feel more agency in directing ourselves or regulating our emotions. Indeed, sometimes it is merely acceptance of the fact that we cannot do anything to change our current situation. However, we can decide to accept our situation, and that in itself gives us some sense of having the ability to make the decision to accept.  

This reminded me of Viktor Frankl, who famously said of his Nazi captors- “They may control everything about my situation, but they cannot control my attitude about it.”

Prayer: Lord, help us when we feel powerless, knowing that you are always in control, Amen