Please enjoy this reflection from the Archive as I take the weekend off. Blessings!

 “At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need.”

II Corinthians 8:1-15

This rich passage of scripture contains some real nuggets of truth which I have often overlooked. Paul makes the case that we have our “riches” through the “poverty” of Jesus. Jesus willingly gave up his position to die a grievous death, only because we were too poor to do that ourselves- we do not have such capacity. Love always entails sacrifice. Indeed, there cannot be love without sacrifice. This was so clearly shown by Jesus.

Paul then goes on to say that the church at Corinth excelled in many areas, but they also needed to excel in the area of giving. Further, he states, that their “plenty” would supply the needs of the church at Jerusalem, but, the help that was given to the church in Jerusalem would fill the “need” of the Corinthians.

The direct and surface conclusion of that statement was that the Corinthians would supply help for the believers at Jerusalem, and that the believers in Jerusalem would reciprocate if situations reversed. However, I think there is a deeper truth to be gleaned here. Paul is saying that by receiving the help from the Corinthians, the church at Jerusalem would actually be supplying the need of the Corinthians. The need of the church at Corinth was to give.

During this time of the COVID-19 health crisis, we have seen some beautiful stories of creative giving. People are finding ingenious ways to help other people. In this way, the dreaded crisis has brought out the very best in the human spirit. I pray that such creative ideas and acts continue long after this crisis has passed.

The lesson for us I think is obvious. Giving is not just for the sake of those who are on the receiving end. Indeed, the need to give to others is fundamental to our spiritual and emotional health. God has designed us as humans to be interdependent. We can only thrive in the context of giving to one another. God has commanded that we meet the needs of His kingdom by giving to others. In so doing, we not only help those who receive our help, we are blessed ourselves. Through sharing our “plenty”, we get what we “need” spiritually and emotionally.

Prayer: Father, your ways are indeed higher than our ways. You show us that living means giving, and you showed that at a dear price through the death of Jesus. Thank you for your instructions for us, and your immense love, Amen.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ                                      Galatians 6:2

Enjoy this Reflection from the archives as I take a weekend off…

The whole discussion about “Codependence” really revved up in the 1970’s although the concept had been around since Karen Horney’s work in the 1940’s. The essential elements are about the dysfunctional ways that people try to make relationships work. We are called to “bear one another’s burdens”, but not to carry the ones they should and can bear themselves. In other words, we don’t do things for people that they can or should do for themselves.

There is nothing wrong, of course with helping people out of our sense of love or generosity. The question is, what is the motive? Is it to ensure that the other person will love and accept me? Is it out of fear of rejection? Or is it simply that I want to see the other person’s joy, satisfaction and growth?

None of us have perfect motives, but it is important, as I have suggested often, to be aware of my real motives in an honest reflection of myself.

We are called upon to bear one another’s burdens but not to meet our own ego needs of being “the helper”. We must always answer the question “Whose needs are being met here?” Co-dependents tend to lose themselves (or run from themselves) by “caretaking” another person.

In teaching care-givers at church, I used this concept to help them to see what good care-giving is. The bottom line was: Our goal is empowerment, not caretaking

That is, we give tools and assistance at the time to people in order to help them do what they need for themselves. Our job, I told them, was not to solve another person’s problem, it was to get them to the One who can.

In some relationships, ones that tend toward being unhealthy, one partner is dependent on the other person’s poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs. We find this, of course in addiction situations, as well as abusive ones that may end up in domestic violence.

Some of the characteristics listed below are from the work of Friel & Friel (1988), and they are instructive on warning signs that may be present in codependent relationships…

My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.

My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.

My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.

I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.

My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.

I put my values aside in order to connect with you.

So, we are called to be responsive to the needs of others, and we should respond out of love, and the desire to bring people to health in all ways. That, I believe, is the focus of Galatians 6:2. We just need to be aware of what is going on in our own mind in that decision.

Prayer: Lord, we are all in need at one time or another. Thank you for the comfort of other people in those times, Amen.

 Late in the afternoon his disciples came to him and said, “Tell the people to go away to the nearby villages and farms and buy themselves some food, for there is nothing to eat here in this desolate spot, and it is getting late.”

 But Jesus said, “You feed them.”                                                                                                             Mark 6:35-37

I always liked this passage about Jesus feeding the 5000. There are a lot of elements to it, and of course the one we resonate to is the miracle of stretching five loaves of bread and two fish to feed that crowd until they were full. Yes, that was pretty major!

However, there are other themes here too. The one I am thinking about today is that Jesus told the disciples to feed the people. This is just after the disciples had, understandably, tried to get a manageable plan so that these hungry people could eat. They proposed that the people be sent away to purchase their own food.

 But Jesus had a lesson in mind for them. He wanted the disciples to begin to understand their responsibility toward those who would follow the message of Jesus. They were to serve those people, not send them off to forage for themselves. Jesus also did this to have an opportunity to let them know of the power that they had, even miraculous power, if they simply trusted the Master, and also used what was on hand to perform that miracle.

Jesus calls us to serve with what we have in our hand- our talents, strengths and abilities, employed for his service. As the old saying goes, “He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called”.

So, we are to employ whatever gifts or resources that we have to serve the Kingdom, and God will provide what we need as we move ahead in faith

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the plan that we are called to serve, and that you will provide, Amen

Meanwhile, friends, wait patiently for the Master’s Arrival. You see farmers do this all the time, waiting for their valuable crops to mature, patiently letting the rain do its slow but sure work. Be patient like that. Stay steady and strong. The Master could arrive at any time.                                                     James 5:7-8

I have always felt close to God when I am in the garden or working with plants. So much more, I believe, are farmers, who are working close to the soil with living organisms. They depend on the proper amounts of rain and sunshine to have a successful crop.

We are reminded of our dependence upon God when we are growing plants. Having that close contact with soil, nurturing plants, trying to set just the right environment for growth- these are creative acts. Yet we are dependent on the vagaries of Nature in trying to grow those life-giving plants.

Farmers understand hard work, dependence, patience, sacrifice, the joy of the harvest, and the pain of failed crops. Jesus used a lot of agricultural parables in his teaching, because the people he spoke to lived close to the earth for their very existence.

Most of us these days are not involved with farming for our livelihood. Thank God for those farmers who provide us with abundant food (though, unfortunately, not all share in the abundance), but many of us miss some of those important lessons of dependence upon God for our “daily bread”.

We are both humbled and comforted when we see day-by-day that we are dependent on God for our very existence. As this harvest season begins (in my hemisphere of the earth), let’s remember to be thankful- to the farmers who live in that rhythm of dependence on Nature, and God, who is the creator of that Nature.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the cycles of nature, which all point to your master plans, Amen

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…                                                                                                                                                                           Hebrews 12:1

I was talking recently with a client who is an elementary school teacher. For those of you who may not know an elementary school teacher, you may not realize the dedication and care that they pour into their students. This client has her own issues of anxiety, family problems, etc., and those issues certainly burden her. However, she said that recently the chronic effects of COVID and the extra drain that this causes in her and her students, has been especially draining.

We began to talk about her job as a teacher which is really not so much a job as a “calling”.  She has been gifted and called to pour herself into the lives of her students, making her “job” not a mere job but a calling, a mission. She feels overwhelmed by the needs of her students, and her own sense of being unable to meet all the needs of those students. Just not enough time in the day…

I reminded her of the author of the Bible book Hebrews, and his analogy of running the race set before him. We all have a race to run, and a lane to stay in. We cannot be distracted by those runners in the lanes to our right and left. We cannot take on the responsibility of solving all the problems that we see. We need to stay in our lane, run our race to the best of our ability, and try not to be distracted by the lanes on our sides which contain problems we cannot solve. I suggested to her that she is changing the world for her students, and in that way, she is changing the world for the better, even in a small way.

There are so many problems around us that we can become distracted and discouraged. The challenge is to run the race set before us- to change the part of the world that we can change, and let God select the others who can run in the lanes beside us, accomplishing his means in their own lane.

Keep your eye on the prize.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us callings to change the world for those in our path. Help us to keep focus and trust in our race, and to keep our eye on that prize, Amen

“I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you.                             John 15:11-14 (The Message)

Courage (def.): Feeling fear yet choosing to act…

(Dungate & Armstrong- “Six Types of Courage”)

I have always been drawn to the virtue of courage, probably because I wish I had more of it. Courage, of course, is not the absence of fear, but rather it is feeling fear, yet choosing to act.

Bravery, in my opinion, is an act of courage, often a singular event, which is beyond how most people might respond in the same situation. Courage is an on-going decision to act rightly despite current fears. There are many professions which require exercises of courage every day. My two kids- a trauma surgeon and a police officer- face life and death situations all the time. They face fear regularly, and they act to serve their constituents every day- community members who rely on them to do their duty to heal and protect despite any fears they may feel.

Typical of the professionals that they are, they may not see that they exhibit courage every single day. Indeed, they say that they are “just doing our job”. Yes, they are. Indeed, other people in their similar roles are wont to say the same thing also.  “Just doing our job” they say.

Yet those of us looking in from the outside see the courage it takes to do those jobs. Courage, exercised regularly, becomes somewhat of a lifestyle folded into daily routine so seamlessly that it is hardly noticed by the individual doing it. It becomes “what we do”.

I am grateful for how my kids courageously serve others, and I am so very proud of them!   

Prayer: Lord, protect those who serve us so courageously and selflessly, Amen.

…”he went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not man-made, that is to say, not a part of this creation”

Hebrews 9:11-12

The writer here is describing the perfect, once-for-all sacrifice that Jesus made for us. He later contrasts this with the system of animal sacrifice which was practiced by the Jews.  Jesus made the perfect sacrifice because he did not need to repeat the cleansing over and over again.

We know that in this life, our actions must be repeated day after day in order to maintain the intended results. We need to brush our teeth, shower, clean the house, and maintain the car, etc. regularly so that our health, and our stuff, is maintained and functional. We need to do this because of the temporal nature of our bodies and our stuff. Left to our own natural processes, we will break down, get dirty, fall into disrepair, and eventually die. This is one of the laws of nature- according to our physicist friends –“bodies tend to go to a higher level of disorder” on their own. In other words, we decay. We can delay that process for some period of time with regular care and repair, but we need to repeat that maintenance function all the time, and even then, we cannot stave off death forever. 

Animal sacrifices needed to be done over and over because they were “of this creation” and insufficient. Nothing that is from “this creation” is sufficient to stave off death because created things cannot do eternal things on their own.

Jesus however, not being created, (only in the earthly body he took on) could do the eternal thing. He could, and did, take on our sins, and he gave up his life “once and for all” so that we could be forgiven, and that we too could have eternal life. His sacrifice only needed to be done once.

Our lesson about this is to understand that we are “bought with a price” (I Cor. 6:20), that we are not “our own”, and that our only available moral response is to submit to the one who paid the price for us.

Prayer: Father, we are always amazed upon the reflection of your plan to have Jesus be the once-for-all price of redemption. Thank you for loving and saving this unworthy soul, Amen” 

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

In this time of a cascade of tragedies- earthquakes, fires, COVID, the resurgence of the Taliban in Afghanistan (and much more) – the timely message of Paul is comforting. Paul wrote this from prison, suffering quite a bit, but wanting to encourage those to whom he wrote. This is a great model, and we need that lesson today more than ever.

The world is suffering. Certainly, some are suffering much worse than others, but we all share pain during this time. As we always witness during times of trouble and uncertainty, crisis brings out the best and worst in character. Our true character is revealed during times of great stress. At the same time, we are shaped and refined by the pressures we face. The strength of steel can only be formed under conditions of intense heat and pressure. So too our character, which is tested and formed under the heat of circumstances.

We see all around us wonderful stories of people giving time, money and resources to others, even at great personal cost. We see our health professionals and first responders literally giving themselves away, risking personal safety, for the benefit of those they serve.

And yes, we also see people who act irresponsibly and even indifferently to the suffering of others. Others inflame social media with ideas that are not helpful or kind.

For our own mental health, and for the benefit of those around us, let’s follow Paul’s example. Let us choose to focus on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.

Prayer: Lord, you know our tendency to become negative when we are afraid. Your Word says that perfect love casts out fear. Give us a more perfect love for you and for one another, Amen.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

John 10:27

One of the principles of prayer I have discussed in the past is about listening for God to speak. Prayer is not just petitioning God for what we need, nor even just praising Him, or expressing our gratitude. All those aspects are important parts of prayer, but one that we often miss is listening.

Listening is hard. We like to express what is on our mind. We feel the need to talk. Yet, part of any relationship is the ability to listen. So, how do we learn to listen to God? Learning to hear His voice is difficult, because we have to discern whose voice we are hearing- mine or His?

Like anything, time and patience bear fruit as we practice a discipline. As a counselor, I know both the importance of listening, and the importance of self-awareness. We need to really be attuned to what is going on internally to be able to discern God’s voice. We need to know our own selfish and self-serving nature, and accept that this is part of being human. In fact, the awareness and acceptance of our brokenness is the beginning of healing and health. Humility is the beginning of wisdom.

God can speak to us in many ways- if we are listening. He wants to connect with us, and He uses various ways to do this. Often, He speaks through other people, whose wisdom we need to consider. He can speak through circumstances, which challenge us to consider choosing the right path.

In this on-going (seemingly never-ending) COVID-19 crisis, I have heard God through the voices and actions of heroic and selfless people who run to the aid of those in trouble. They put themselves in harm’s way for the benefit of others- even people that they do not know.   

When we see such actions, we see the heart of God at work. Look and listen closely for the voice of God today. Seek, and you shall find…

Prayer: Thank you for your presence, which we can see and hear all around us when we really listen for it, Amen

Rodney Dangerfield

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!                                                                                                      Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message)

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them

(Rodney Dangerfield one-liners)

I apologize dear readers, but I can’t do a blog about self-respect without quotes from the king of self-disrespect, Rodney Dangerfield. I hope I made you laugh a bit, but consider this just a fun lead-in to my topic today…

I was discussing with a client the other day the dynamics of self-esteem and self-respect. She recognized that her husband had come from a background of emotional neglect, and that he often lashed out at her with things that had been building up in him over time. Their relationship is one of perceived imbalance, with the husband feeling disrespected and powerless. My client was not trying to blame her husband, but rather to understand him better.

We discussed the idea that when we feel small, or powerless, or like a victim, we often lash out at others. The need to feel respected by others is, of course, important, but first we need to respect ourselves. We do that by becoming people of integrity. That is, we keep promises to ourselves, and we do not blame others for the reasons that we miss the mark. The more we keep those little promises to ourselves, however small they may be, the more we can trust ourselves, and the higher our self-esteem grows.

No amount of external praise or affirmation will be able to fill up a person who does not have an internal sense of self-respect. Keeping those little promises to ourselves will, over time, build or re-build damaged self-respect.

God has made us in an amazing way, and each person deserves respect as a human being. But we all need to build our own internal sense of self-respect to be able to fully appreciate that wonderful creation that God made us to be.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us in your image, worthy of love and respect. Thank you for that amazing plan, Amen