There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Seasons change. It is inevitable, and it has a beautiful rhythm. As I write this, I am smiling, because a couple of seasons clashed for me today. The weather was pretty warm- in the 60’s for most of the day. So, I ended up cleaning and storing the lawn mower, after having cut the grass yesterday. I also cleaned up some final yard waste and put it out for pick up.

The next thing I did was not seasonable- I put up the outdoor Christmas lights. The weather was perfect for it, even if I am rushing the season. No, I won’t turn them on until Thanksgiving (maybe, the jury is still out on that).

Seasons change, but sometimes they overlap. In the Northern Hemisphere, where I live, and in a northern state (Ohio), seasons can get a bit confused at times, and today I took advantage of that. The bottom line? I found myself being so grateful for the change of seasons we encounter, each of which bring its own special joys.

Today though, they overlapped, and it was quite enjoyable!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the changing, and unchanging, rhythms of life, Amen  

A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it crushes the spirit                                     Proverbs 15:4

So, if you have read the title of today’s blog, you have also learned the business plan of social media tech companies. The plan is to addict people to their screens, often their smartphone. This is accomplished by adjusting sophisticated algorithms, planning randomized alerts and notifications, mixing in entertainment and factoids, and gradually putting readers into silos of information. Often this information is misinformation. It also includes lots of unvetted opinions by people who have no expertise in the subject upon which they opine.

Some of the results of this are less critical thinking, less intensive and directed reading of books and articles to gain information, and more emotional responses to issues rather than cognitive and logical responses. It also ramps up emotions like anger, and prompts many people to write things that they later regret. Oh, and by the way, those comments are FOREVER out in the world.

In case you haven’t guessed, I am pretty critical of the social media trends of the past decade or so. Am I a victim of this also. Yes, yes I am.  When I see that weekly notice on Sunday morning at 9AM on my phone about screen time usage of the past week, I often cringe. 

Social media can, of course be used for good. People can connect in healthy ways with one another, extended families can keep in touch, old friendships renewed, and many other possible positive things can be accomplished.

Just be aware of that business plan that drives social media. Keep it in mind, and try to carve out some of your screen time into reading a variety of those beloved old items of the past- books!

Prayer: Lord, you give us many gifts in many ways, including technology. Give us the wisdom to use it well, Amen

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.                                                                                        Matthew 16:24-25

“You can’t keep it unless you give it away…”

(Common paraphrase of the 12^th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous)

I recently spoke with a client who has a host of significant health problems. In fact, some of these chronic conditions, taken together, are considered to be terminal. She struggles with some basic things like nutrition, breathing capacity, chronic recurrent infections, etc., yet she has decided to live. And not just to live, but to live in a missional way.

She and her husband have undertaken a personal mission to care for the homeless people in their community. Especially when the recent government shutdown put those homeless persons in peril, this woman decided that she could not let them suffer. She went to parks and places where homeless persons gathered, and she brought food, and blankets- and hope.

She shared with me through tears how God has changed the life of she and her husband. She gave testimony of how some of the people she cares for have ministered to her as well. Now, she has engaged her church family and at least one other church to mobilize efforts to help her mission.

This principle she is living is paradoxical to those who do not understand the mission that Jesus set before us. By giving herself away, despite her own incredible needs, she has given life and spirit to others. In so doing, she has found renewed life herself. She is not preoccupied with her own suffering, but meets the needs of others. In so doing, she has found healing of a different type.  

This testimony reminds me of a story Phillip Yancey told in his book Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. He told of a group of discouraged and displaced men right after World War II in France who aimlessly roamedthe countryside, scavenging a living. They were hopeless and angry at their fate. When a local priest challenged them to find others who were worse off than they, and to help those people, their lives too could change.

Those men decided to band together and help the children displaced by war. Eventually, their efforts led to an organization that endured for generations- one which had a mission to help children.

When we redeem our pain, we can turn it into gain for others. In so doing, we help ourselves.

Prayer: Lord, help us to redeem our pain into gain for others, Amen

For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and self- control            II Timothy 1:7

I was talking with two different clients the other day about self-esteem and the real source of it. I told them that self-esteem comes much more from about how we feel about ourselves rather than what others may think of us. Whether or not we get rewards, affirmation, or recognition from outside, our own personal gauge is more important. We ourselves know whether we can trust ourselves or not. That is the true acid test of self-esteem. Can I keep promises that I have made to myself? If so, even in the littlest things, over time, those little things add up to true confidence in our own integrity and disciplines.  

In that sense, no one can rob us of our esteem by their attitudes and actions toward us. Do we care about what others think of us? Yes, of course we do, but that is not the real basis for our own sense of worth and dignity. God loves us right where we are, but often, we do not love ourselves very well based upon or lack of self-trust.

Daily consistency and confidence in our ability to follow through are the ingredients for good self-esteem.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the little reminders that we are loved by you, Amen

…From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.                                                 Luke 12:48

I think about this verse often. It is a simple bit of wisdom, perhaps even a statement of justice. When we are given an abundance of anything- wealth, health, resources, intelligence, safety- you name it- we are required to use it wisely, and in the service of those who are not as blessed.

I think of this in the area of power. Those who have been given a great deal of power, such as elected officials, leaders of organizations, leaders of countries, etc. are required to use it wisely and beneficently for those whom they lead.

I think how one uses power is a mark of character. If the one(s) in power use their power mostly for their own benefit or desires, that is a serious character flaw.  Those who strive to share that power, or to empower others, would have, in my opinion, high character.

Power and gifts have been ordained by God for the common good. Yes, we live in a fallen world, where our own desires crowd out, and can even drown out the need to benefit others with our gifts and talents.

So, we need to keep in mind that we are just stewards of those benefits and gifts, and much is required of those who possess them.

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for the gifts you give us. Help us to use them wisely, Amen

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, Philippians 2:3

I was recently talking with a client who struggles with feeling lovable. This has been a long-standing issue with her, and it was complicated by a traumatic sexual assault many years ago. She still struggles with her self-acceptance, and she has trouble seeing herself as a person of value. She felt unlovable.

She is, of course, a person of great value and worth. I pointed out to her one of the characteristics of her value in this way. She has a great desire to serve others and to give them joy. She works in various volunteer activities, and she serves home-cooked meals to families who are food insufficient. I pointed out that she performs behaviors of service, which are really good things. But beyond that, she has the desire to give others joy. That is character.

Doing good things for people is good behavior. Wanting to do good things for others is good character. I pointed out to her that she has good character, not just benevolent behaviors. She gradually saw that these are characteristics of a good and valuable person- one who is indeed lovable.

Many people struggle with feeling lovable and of value. We are of value because we are made in the image of our Creator. We display character when we desire to serve others in order for them to have joy and a sense of being loved.

Prayer: Lord, help us to love others as you us, Amen

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me                                                                                                                                                II Corinthians 12:9

Sometimes it’s hard, isn’t it? You know, keeping the faith in spite of things that we see around us. During the government shutdown here in the United States, some government programs have been, well, shut down. One of those programs is the SNAP Program, formerly known as Food Stamps. This has caused real and palpable suffering for many Americans who rely upon this to supplement nutrition to their family.

However, we never should let a crisis go to waste. This has served as a catalyst for many people and organizations to mobilize like never before to refill food pantries, and promote extra generosity among many churches and civic groups.

Let’s never confuse the intransigence and shortsightedness of many elected leaders, on both sides of the political aisle, with the good will of the American people writ large. The virtues of care and compassion are still alive and well. The shutdown, while painful, is also an opportunity for people to show resilience and strength.

Sometimes, we need to lead from the rank and file of our country, to show the elected leadership who is still in charge of the democracy we cherish.

Prayer: Help us to see that strength is shown in compassion, Amen

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.                                                                      Matthew 5:17

But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together.  Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying,“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”  Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’  This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’  On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.                                          Matthew 22:34-40

When it came to the law, the Hebrew teachers had it down. They memorized it, interpreted it, and wrote books about how to enforce it. If God said it, you better comply! They were strict enforcers of the law, believing that it was what God wanted. They were, I believe, motivated by right desires. They wanted to please God. The problem, of course here is pride. No one can completely fulfil the law simply by our own heroic efforts of adhering to the strictest standards. The point is, we are unable, in our own power to comply with those laws.  

Jesus said that he did not come to abolish that law, but to fulfill it. He came to explain, by modeling in the flesh, how such laws were to be fulfilled. He explained very clearly what compliance is- “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’  This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’  On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.   

What the Lord of the Universe wants is for us to love him, and to love our fellow travelers on earth like ourselves. In the words of the recovery community, this is simple- but it isn’t easy. We can only truly fulfill these commandments to the extent that we are submitted to the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to do those simple (but not easy) commandments.

Prayer: Lord, help us to do the simple commands that you gave us, Amen

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.                                                                            Jeremiah 29:11

I recently spoke with a client who was looking back over his life, and thinking of what he had missed. He was childless, and he was questioning if he and his wife should have made the decision to have children. He wondered if he had even made the right choice in marrying.

He was not necessarily unhappy in life, but more like unfulfilled. He is not yet 50 years old, and in my economy, that is young. He is a thoughtful, gifted, and caring man- bright, articulate, and self-aware. Yet, he thinks about what might have been in his life.

As we talked, I asked him to reframe the questions he was asking. I suggested that the questions might better be framed, “What is it that I still need to do?”

Instead of looking backwards and wondering “What if?”, he would be better served looking to the future and asking “What’s next?” This stopped him in his tracks, and he immediately saw the possibilities. He has no control over past decisions, but he certainly has control over future ones.

So, my friends, consider what God has next for you to do- no matter your age. He has a future for you.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the opportunities before us, Amen

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.

 Psalm 31:9

I have had occasions, in recent years, to discuss the idea of “anticipatory grief” with a number of my clients. This is a common, but often unexpressed phenomenon whereby we are witnessing the decline of a loved one and having uneasy and sometimes inexplicable feelings associated with such decline. It is a form of grieving, but it is often not labeled as such.  

Clients may feel anger toward their loved one, and sadness, but may feel guilty for such thoughts. I explain to them that they are grieving a loss. They are experiencing all those feelings of loss before their loved one passes away. They are, sometimes unwittingly, preparing themselves for a devastating loss. They begin to understand that this is a protective feature, preparing them for the eventual, inevitable actual loss of the one they love.

Once we can explain and reframe this idea, they can see that such grieving is really a measure of how much they love their friend/relative/partner. The anger that they may feel of losing such a dear person is actually a form of grief. Grief almost always includes anger of some type, sometimes an inexplicable feeling, but anger nonetheless.   

Being able to label such feelings can be very helpful in accepting them. We feel loss, even before our loved one actually passes from this earth.

Anticipatory grief.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us to love deeply, and that involves all of our range of emotions. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, Amen