As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens the wits of another.                                                                     Proverbs 27:17 (Names of God Bible)

I spoke with a client recently and she shared with me that sometimes when she looks in the mirror, she sees a woman who is not competent, not confident, and one wracked with doubt and guilt. She said, “I am just being honest with how I feel”.

I told her that I appreciated her candor and honesty. I reminded her, since I have known her  through counseling periodically over several years, that much of her guilt is actually her anxiety about her children. She wonders if she has done enough to prepare them to be launched into the world. I could honestly assure this client that she has been a great single mother, and if anything, tries to overprotect her kids.

I also told her that her honesty was a wonderful character trait, but that just being honest does not make those thoughts true. Yes, she is being honest about how she feels, and she has a right to her feelings. Yet that does not mean that what she feels is the truth. Sometimes we need the feedback of others to validate- or dispute- thinking that may be faulty.

We all have feelings, and they are valid for us, but we also need the courage and humility to bounce those feelings off trusted people who can speak truth into our lives.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be honest with ourselves, and also seek truth, Amen

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.                                                                    James 1:27

I am guessing that the headline for today’s blog is not really a shocker for most of my readers. Religion is humankind’s response to an understanding that there is a God. Over the centuries, countless wars have been fought over religion. Those wars were fought in a misguided attempt to prioritize one religious group over another. In other words, those wars were about power.

What an irony, since Jesus came to earth to let people know that when religious people are interested in power more than love of others, it becomes evil and oppressive. So, when there is an assertion that Christianity ought to be the state religion of the United States, we have a problem.

Indeed, if we truly lived by the principles that Jesus taught, we would have no need for an establishment of religion. Jesus did not come on earth to establish a religion. He told people to “go and make disciples”. In other words, he said, “I have given you the example of how to live, now go and spread that word. Set people free with the message that the Spirit of God is love, and you must be the example of that”.

But, just like at the Transfiguration on the mountain, the disciples wanted to build a monument to the event rather than to recognize that it was a transforming message of who Jesus is. So, gradually, over centuries, a system of worship and practices arose that became codified into religious structures.

No blame there- it is human nature to try to build some framework around strongly held beliefs in order to preserve them and pass them on in an orderly fashion. The problem is, of course, that the message can get garbled in translation. So, over the years, religions, certainly with good intentions, built up systems which eventually became self-serving, powerful, and even rich. And then they gradually lost sight of the reason that religion exists- to love and care for those outside the “religious club”.

So, religion is the system that is built up around a faith that is not so easy to explain, or even contain. Our relationship with God is based upon a spiritual change that cannot be contained in a specific religious box.

Such is the mystery of our relationship with God!

Prayer: Lord, help us to maintain well our relationship with you, no matter the religious name, Amen

By yourself you’re unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 (The Message)

I was recently talking with some dear friends, and we talked about how guilt can be crippling. I said that guilt and anxiety are both crippling to our spirit, but only when those emotions become out of control.

Guilt, for example, can be useful to the extent that it prompts us to see our failures and sins and then to seek remedy for wrongs we have done. The feeling of guilt can be useful if it gets us to the place of restoration. The problem is that guilt is not always rational. It, like anxiety, can become a self-defeating emotion that robs us of joy and energy. There are times when we feel guilt, but we have not really done anything to warrant it.

Anxiety too can be useful to the extent that it keeps us alert and vigilant to dangers. The problem with anxiety is that the “dangers” it warns us about are often non-existent, or greatly exaggerated.

Analyzing those conditions- the states of guilt and anxiety- is important. In order for us to get calibration, another trusted person can journey with us to explore these things so that we can get good, caring feedback. This is not to just get affirmation of those feelings, but to get honest feedback about ourselves. Left to our own devices at times, we cannot see clearly to determine if that guilt or that anxiety is rational or irrational. Sometimes we need the help of a friend or a counselor to sort those things out.

So, take a look at those emotions that can be crippling, and get the help you need so that they do not cripple you..

Prayer: Lord, thank you for those who journey with us as we explore ourselves, Amen

Simon Peter answered, “Lord, there is no one else that we can go to! Your words give eternal life…  John 6:68 (Contemporary English Version)

Disappointed with God. That was the title of a book written by Phillip Yancy many years ago. Do you feel that way sometimes? If so, you’re in good company. The Psalmists, including David expressed such feelings very clearly and openly to God in their writing and in their prayers. Other Bible writers expressed that sentiment also. If you’re honest, there were plenty of times you felt that way too.  

The fact that we can be open and honest with God about such disappointment speaks to the very relationship that we have with him. Hiding those feelings from others, and ourselves, is not healthy. Sharing such disappointment with God is not only honest, it is proper. The fact that we can even be disappointed says that we have expectations of God to be part of our life. He simply does not always react the way that we would want or like.

The hard part is to “trust him anyway”. That is what the Psalmists usually ended up saying. I mean, what else can we do? As Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, there is no one else that we can go to! Your words give eternal life…”

So, it is, in my humble opinion, good to let God know that we are hurt, sad, disappointed- whatever it may be. He already knows that anyway. But we also know that we must “trust him anyway”, because truly, there is nowhere else to turn, and he has the words of eternal life.

Prayer: In the words of Peter, we know that you are the person that we turn to, and to “trust in anyway”, no matter the circumstances, Amen

“‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
 your kingdom come, your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven…”                                                                                                                            Matthew 6:9-10

What a great weekend! Last Friday, I presented a community workshop on professional ethics for my counseling and social work peers at New Creation Counseling Center. In attendance were a number of colleagues whom I had not seen for years. Several of them were counselors whom I had supervised over the years, and it was so affirming to see them making a difference in the lives of their clients. What a joy it was to interact with them, and to share my professional journey through the lens of an ethics discussion.

On Saturday, my family was in town to attend the graduation of my oldest grandson, Jack as he graduated from Miami University. Experiencing the traditions of a college which indeed has a storied history was very reassuring. The time-honored customs of a college graduation were well observed. I must also mention how proud I am of Jack who graduated Magna Cum Laude. Yes, Poppa must have room to boast here! 😊

Finally, on Monday, I attended the retirement of a dear man who started a non-profit for people in recovery (Joshua Recovery Ministry). He did this AFTER he retired from his full-time career when he was in his early 60’s. This man, Ron Will, has a heart for ministry, and he has not let age define his work and mission call. What a joy it was to celebrate Ron with, again, some people I had not seen for years. I reconnected with like-minded people who value recovery work- work that calls us to honesty, humility, patience, and dependence upon God to do things that we cannot do for ourselves.

So, it was a full weekend, and it was so wonderful. We are called to bring the Kingdom of heaven to earth. This weekend was a bit of that Kingdom of heaven coming to earth.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for the plan that you have for us to work together to bring some heaven to earth, Amen

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.                                                                                                                                                      II Corinthians 12:9

Remorse: a gnawing distress arising from a sense of guilt for past wrongs 

Merriam -Webster Dictionary

I speak with my clients about guilt and remorse. Guilt is a negative emotion that does actually have a purpose. Its job is to get us in touch with things that we have done wrong in order to remedy the situation. Unfortunately, many people live in guilt long after its usefulness has passed. Guilt is useful only to the extent that it can get us to a higher level of awareness and functioning. It can cause us to act upon the deeds we have done that are not praiseworthy, and ask forgiveness for them.

Remorse is the next level- the healing level- that guilt can bring us to. Remorse is the distress caused by the fact that we have hurt someone else. We feel bad because we have hurt others. Our pain is the fact that we have caused others pain.

Unfortunately, there is cheap guilt that is self-serving. This guilt is hurt that we have been caught. We feel bad because our reputation has been hurt, or because we have consequences to pay. We are upset because we got caught or found out.

I discuss this because remorse is a higher level of self-awareness. Those who experience true remorse seek forgiveness not because they want to feel better. Rather, they want those whom they have hurt to feel better in some way.

So, words matter, and the context of levels of awareness are part of that. True self-awareness needs language in order for it to be understood.  Living in guilt is a bad way to live. Defining ourselves in terms of shame is even worse.

Tomorrow we will talk more about guilt and shame.

Prayer: Lord, you have provided the remedy for guilt and shame. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness, Amen

for each one should carry their own load…                                                                                   Galatians 6:5

In talking with a client recently, we discussed the values he learned from his mother about responsibility. I had commended this client for his willingness and ability to recognize and own his part in some disputes with his wife. He told me that his mother had taught him that when he was in some trouble at school or in the neighborhood, she did not automatically rush to his defense whether he was right or wrong. Rather, she had him explain the situation and examine his part in whatever problem had been encountered. He explained that he felt that his deep sense of personal responsibility stemmed from her valuable teaching.

That mom taught her son some important life lessons. We always need to examine our part in any relational problem and take responsibility for that. It is not a matter of trying to shift blame, nor accept blame inappropriately. It is simply a good exercise in the personal ownership of relational issues. We all own a part. It is important to accept what that is, and work toward our own self awareness and responsibility for maintaining healthy relationships.

As we approach Mother’s Day, I thought that this reminder about the influence of our moms is so important. I never met this client’s mom, and I never will, but I like her thinking.

Prayer: Help us Lord to see that we honor you and others when we recognize our own failures or mistakes, Amen.

Never pay back evil for evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honest clear through.  Don’t quarrel with anyone. Be at peace with everyone, just as much as possible. Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it. Don’t take the law into your own hands. Instead, feed your enemy if he is hungry. If he is thirsty give him something to drink and you will be “heaping coals of fire on his head.” In other words, he will feel ashamed of himself for what he has done to you.  Don’t let evil get the upper hand, but conquer evil by doing good.                                                                                                                                                            Roman 12:17-21 (Living Bible)

The United States had another mass shooting this weekend. It has, incredibly, become commonplace. My readers in other countries probably shake their head in amazement that such carnage goes on, and that there is no political or moral will to stop it.

I agree.

My daughter is a trauma surgeon, and she has seen more than her share of this carnage up close. She tries to piece together bodies ravaged by assault rifles. My son is a police officer who is constantly on the alert about a public that is armed better than he is.

Is mental illness to blame? Perhaps, in some cases, but we have had mental illness in our population forever, and we have never had such murderous outcomes before. Is it evil that is to blame? Certainly, in some cases, yes. Evil goes about seeking destruction when its own desires are thwarted or its own lusts cannot be sated.

This is a complex problem- one not easily solved. However, serious discussion must start to take place about the role of weapons in our society and how they are regulated. No one I know of is suggesting that guns be confiscated- that would not be appropriate, and it is not feasible.

What is the role of Christians in working toward a just and safe society?

I think Christians need to ponder that one.

Prayer: Lord, give us wisdom about how we can influence “thy Kingdom come”, Amen

      I have been preparing for an Ethics workshop, and one of the things I decided to discuss in that workshop is the historic underpinnings of ethical medical behavior. Hippocrates developed his ethical framework somewhere around 400 BC. A variant of this oath, derived from his original tenets, is taken by new physicians upon graduation from Medical School. It is a beautiful and moving thing to watch.

      The actual oath taken varies some from this basic template, and some schools and graduates craft their own versions to reflect current ethical concerns. So, while it is unlikely that graduates will recite this specific oath, they pledge themselves to the welfare of their patients and their community.

      I reprint the Hippocratic Oath here to remind my readers that physicians are pledged to a very high standard of patient care. They take their craft incredibly seriously- because it is. It is life and death for their patients.

      So, the next time you visit your doctor, remember that she/he is dedicated to your well-being. You may not always agree with them. You may even have had disagreements or conflicts with them- that happens. Remember they are human too, but they have pledged to put your well-being as a high value- one that costs them in many ways.

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and 

therapeutic nihilism

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon’s knife or the chemist’s drug.

I will not be ashamed to say “I know not”, nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient’s recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life and save life wherever possible within reason; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person’s family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling, and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

Prayer: Lord we lift up those men and women who provide care for us, Amen

So, if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective                           Colossians 3:1-2 (The Message)

It is interesting how perspective can change our opinions. If we look at situations from a slightly different perspective, it can completely change our perception, and our attitudes. I recall some times in the past when I was watching football and I saw the replay of a potential touchdown. (It seems that every touchdown is now viewed no less that 17 times by officials, commentators, and the guys in the video truck- but I digress.)

On the replay, they showed several angles from different cameras. On at least 2 of the angles, the touchdown was not a touchdown. However, on one angle, it seemed clear that the ball had crossed the end zone line. All of a sudden, the certainty in the announcer’s analysis vanished. He had seen it from a different angle, and he changed his opinion.

I talk about that with clients at times. Some clients in relationships think that they are suffering because of the behavior of their partner- that their partner is being unreasonable. Then I might ask, what if you were to look at this from a different perspective- the spiritual perspective? What if you could decide to take the sacrificial role, and agree that what you are suffering is not fair or reasonable. You can choose to accept that, but not feel powerless about it. Now they would no longer be the victim of imposed unfair behavior, but they would have the option of choosing to accept the situation, and have the more noble goal of sacrificing for their relationship.

When we are in control of decisions, and do not feel that we are the victims of unfair behavior, we are much better able to accept uncomfortable things, and actually feel good about making the personal changes which can make the relationship better.

Please be assured that I am not talking here about abuse, and reckless offenses by one partner to be simply “accepted” by the other. I am talking about some everyday types of annoyances and concerns that may take on a role larger than it really needs to. You know, it’s a matter of perspective. Choosing to frame things differently can change everything.

It’s all a matter of how you decide to see it.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us the ability to decide how we want to react to our environment. Give us the wisdom to see things from your perspective, Amen.