The first big Presidential debates that I can remember happened in 1960. I was just 10 years old, but I remember that the idea of a national presidential debate stirred the public appetite. My family was deeply devoted to John F. Kennedy, the young Catholic candidate who inspired so much energy and interest. His opponent, Richard M. Nixon, was the Vice-President of the United States. Kennedy at the time was a Senator from Massachusetts.

Both men were dignified, respectful speakers, though Kennedy had much more personality and charm than Nixon. Perhaps that is the reason that Kennedy was generally considered to have won the debates. Interestingly, those who only listened to the debates on the radio felt that Nixon had won. The television viewers tended to favor Kennedy.  Those debates, by today’s standards, were incredibly dignified and civilized affairs. Neither candidate spoke over the other, interrupted the other, or called the other names. Civility was still a thing back in 1960.

Fast forward to modern debates where candidates are itching to attack one another, talk over one another, and avoid actually answering questions. Debates these days are tawdry affairs where one leaves the spectacle feeling somehow angry, confused, and indeed hopeless that this is the best that the Republic has to offer.

I am not making partisan apologies here for any candidate or party. Political rhetoric on both sides of the aisle has become loathsome. Rather, I am lamenting the lack of civility, courtesy and respect that is demonstrated in current political debates. We no longer seem to expect good behavior from candidates for higher office. If this is the future of how debates distinguish the best candidates, we are in very serious trouble, my friends.

The virtues that we value, and try to teach to our children, are not modeled by those candidates for higher office in this country. Indeed, those virtues are disdained for the tactics of attacks on character, bullying, anger, divisiveness, and pomposity.

So, as political parties ramp up for another Presidential election, I am lamenting the loss of civility. Wake me up in time for the election, but I’ll pass on the “debates” thank you very much.  

Like a city that is broken into and without walls So is a person who has no self-control over his spirit.                                                                                                                                                             Proverbs 25:28

 Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.                         Proverbs 22:6

I was recently speaking with a couple about their 13-year-old son whom they described as “immature” and difficult to manage. The more we spoke, the more it appeared that this young man was quite manipulative, as well as attention seeking and essentially in control of the household. Both parents agreed wholeheartedly that this was the case. They were exhausted.

I talked about the concept of external control vs. internal control. Our job as parents is to provide adequate, secure and loving external control to our kids until they develop good internal controls. Children will resist external controls because, well, they are little humans!

We resist external control by nature. But it is essential that we have such external controls until we develop our own disciplines- our internal controls. Immature young people resist external control because they think they know better than their parents, or anyone else, what is good for them. I pointed this out to the couple. They had shared that their son became angry and threatening when they tried to implement boundaries for him. I suggested to them in my reply “As if he knows what is best for him”.    

So, there it is. Learning disciplines- internal control- actually frees us to be trusted people. When we see in others that they have good internal controls, we recognize that they do not need much supervision to be successful. Those in charge got there, mostly, because they have demonstrated that they are trustworthy, and do not need as much scrutiny as others. They can be trusted.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us models of success, but the price is self-discipline, Amen

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank him for his answers.                                                                                                                          Philippians 4:6 (Living Bible)

Have you ever said those words- “I’ve done all I can do…” Of course you have! We all have. Sometimes it is in an exasperated tone, sometimes with resignation, but sometimes with a sense of satisfaction of sorts.

What I mean is that having done all one can do in a situation, can lead to a certain amount of peace. When we are in a difficult or painful situation, we often worry. Worry can be paralyzing, and that is a bad place to be. Sometimes, worry can stop us from action- the action that we can exercise to deal with a problem. However, when we have the means to effect some change in our problem situation, and we do it, we feel less anxiety and pain when we have done all that we can do about it.

That does not mean that the problem is solved. Indeed, the problem may be out of our hands to solve. However, once we have honestly searched our hearts and minds and concluded that “I’ve done all I can do”, we can have a sense of peace. It is at this point that we can truly give it to God for him to do what we cannot do. However, we better have done our part too.

When we meet God at the place of obedience- doing the hard things we have to do- then God can take it to places we never could have. So, if you have truly done all you can do, and have given it to God, a certain peace will follow.

Prayer: Lord, give us the wisdom to know when we have fully done our part in order to rest in your hands, Amen

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man

William Shakespeare (from Hamlet)

I often speak with clients about their ability to sort out the multiple emotions that they may be experiencing at any given time. Such self-awareness is an important factor in being emotionally healthy. Being honest about those feelings is also a measure of personal integrity- am I willing to honestly name those feelings and own them?

Sometimes I will just suggest some possible feelings people may be having about a certain situation. I may say, “Does that make you feel sad, angry, hurt, rejected…” Many times, people will say “All of the above”, which is understandable. I know that is their way to let me know that they are also feeling confused, and that they need to convey how overwhelmed they are feeling at the time. All of that is good information for me.

I also have seen the pattern so very often. People are reluctant to say that they are feeling angry. Perhaps this is a defensive position, or maybe people do not feel comfortable owning their anger. They will often say, “Well, I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated”.

I have come to understand the formula that frustration = anger + a sense of helplessness to change a situation. People feel anger, but they also feel that they cannot do anything about it. Let’s be clear though, there is an element of anger in frustration. And you know what? It’s OK to feel that way. In fact, it happens to us often.

Being able to accurately name, and then own our feelings, is a first step of self-awareness and self-acceptance. Naming a feeling does not change it necessarily, but it gives us a sense of control, in that we can really know what is going on with us so that we can then begin constructive ways to address our emotions.

So, harkening back to the old TV show, “Name That Tune”, I say let’s work on “Name that feeling”!

But remember this—the wrong desires that come into your life aren’t anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you. And no temptation is irresistible. You can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it, for he has promised this and will do what he says. He will show you how to escape temptation’s power so that you can bear up patiently against it.                                      I Corinthians 10:13

I talked with a client the other day about his eating. He confessed that he eats as an emotional response, and he has done so for years. In fact, he no longer knows when he is hungry- he just eats to be comfortable and to avoid emotional pain.

Of course, he is not really comfortable, and like any other addiction, the results of the addiction are not satisfying- they are painful, even disgusting. I talked with him about the starts of the addiction, and he stated that he had endured some early life trauma which was nearly debilitating. This client is an overcomer. He is one who has more insight that he gives himself credit for, and he is a teachable young man.

We discussed the idea of fasting so that he actually knows again what it is to be hungry. At this point, he simply eats because it gives him emotional satisfaction and distraction. He is out of touch with real feelings of hunger because he has abused eating and has turned it into an escape.

He is going to be OK- I am confident of it. He will begin a fast – moderate and controlled- in order to again calibrate his actual sense of hunger. The thing about addictions is that they lie to us. They tell us that some substance or practice will let us escape our problems. Instead, addictions capture us into a new problem- addiction to the supposed “cure”.

People become addicted to substances and practices because the object of addiction makes them feel good right away, and it allows escape from pain.  The problem is, eventually people take the substance not to feel good, but so that they simply can avoid pain.

That is the lie of addiction. We all can be captured into an addiction of some sort. None of us is immune. We do need to recognize that whatever makes us feel good immediately can also be addictive. Always remember- there is a solution for every problem. There is hope!

Prayer: Lord, you give us a way of escape to overcome addiction and redeem it into good! Amen

Then Satan took him up and revealed to him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time; and the devil told him, “I will give you all these splendid kingdoms and their glory—for they are mine to give to anyone I wish—if you will only get down on your knees and worship me.” Jesus replied, “We must worship God, and him alone. So, it is written in the Scriptures.”                                                                                                  Luke 4:5-8(Living Bible)

I have been thinking about the temptation of Jesus after he came back from a season of fasting in the desert. I know that this is a rich theological passage, and I will let the rich theologians have at their interpretation. Sorry, that was not a nice thing to say. I doubt that there are a lot of rich theologians, but they do much rich research. How is that? All that to say, is that my takes on the Bible are not typically deeply researched opinions. My opinions are just that- my opinions. So please take that as my disclaimer for possible heresy! 😊

Satan approached Jesus to tempt him, and the only explanation I can think of is that Jesus allowed this so that he could instruct us on how to refute Satan’s lies. Satan said some interesting stuff. He tempted a famished Jesus with possible bread, and Jesus told Satan that he was not interested in the food that Satan could point to. Satan only knew of earthly food, and Satan went right there with Jesus.

It was the next temptation that Satan offered that intrigued me. He offered Jesus the “kingdoms of the world” so that Jesus could rule over them. He just asked that Jesus bow to Satan and worship him. Jesus brushed that off too, reminding Satan that the only One worthy of worship in that space was Jesus himself, though he used proper Biblical language- God alone is worthy of worship!

Satan offered the kingdoms of the world because they were his to offer. Jesus has a Kingdom that is not of this earth. However, I am reminded that when Christians are offered earthly kingdoms and power structures, that is Satan’s plan, not God’s. God does not need earthly kingdoms or political power structures to ensure that his divine plans are completed!

When the Roman Emperor Constantine conflated the kingdom on earth (the Roman Empire) with the Kingdom of God, things went to a pretty bad place in a fairly short period of time. Political or military power is not the kind of kingdom Jesus came to establish.

He came to bring the Kingdom of heaven to earth.  

Prayer: Lord, help us to see beyond earthly political power structures and attempt to bring Heaven to earth, Amen

 ^…then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others       Philippians 2: 2-4

While recently listening to pastor Adam Hamilton preach on the Sermon on the Mount, I heard him mention the Platinum Rule. This is a bit of an upgrade, I think, to the famous Golden Rule. The Golden Rule, of course is “treat others as you would have them treat you.”

The Golden Rule is certainly a time honored and respected way to deal with other people. Yet, the idea of a more thoughtful approach is this- “do unto others, wherever possible, as they would want to be done to them.”

Do you see how respectful that is? It takes me out of the position of assuming that others would like to be treated like I am treated. I am no longer judging what I think is best for them, rather I am asking, “what is it that you need?”

As a counselor, one of my jobs is to formulate a treatment plan with my clients. As we proceed, I ask them what they want from the counseling process. How can I help get you where you would like to go?

By paying attention to the client needs, I can check myself to ensure that I am not imposing my goals on their treatment.

So, I like the idea of a Platinum Rule. Sounds pretty respectful to me.

Prayer: Lord, help us to keep in mind how others may want to be treated, Amen.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it.                                                                                                             Psalm 139:14

Just a quick note today as I complete my client records. I am struck once again by the resilience of my clients, and the life stresses they endure. The human spirit is both fragile and strong at the same time. Often, I am struck by the strength that my clients show in the face of some very difficult traumas and life stresses.

My friends, I do not know what you are facing, but I know that you likely have the strength and resilience to handle whatever you face, because the human spirit is made just that way. As God said to Moses at the burning bush, “You have everything you need in your hand…”

Prayer: Lord, bless my readers today to remind them clearly of the strength that they have, Amen

So, I want men everywhere to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from sin and anger and resentment.                                                                                                                                       I Timothy 2:8

I recently had a discussion with a client about her resentments. She said that periodically, she has a flare-up of resentment toward her son-in-law, who had hurt her daughter emotionally some years ago. She says that this is a burden she is tired of carrying. I recognized that this is an understandable response, but the fact that it bothers her says that she has not really given it up.  Perhaps she wants to dredge this up periodically in order to feel some control of her emotions. If she hangs onto it, she can drag it up at times to give vent to her “justified anger”. She has reserved the right to hold onto this resentment because she is “entitled to it”.  

All of this rang true to her. We discussed that perhaps considering the idea of giving up control of this entitled feeling- justified as it feels at times- might work to her benefit. She agreed that this is a matter of control. Could she give this to God, to control something that she cannot control anyway? Might this be a good idea?

She thinks so. I agree.  

It is not easy to give up resentments. Resentments linger because we feel entitled to them. Giving up control of those resentments to God is a process, but it is also a decision we need to make. Can God handle it better than we can? Do we feel freer when we give these things to God so that he can handle them.

Yes, and yes.

Prayer: Lord, help us to look at resentments we hold, and give them to you, Amen.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction

Newton’s Third Law of Motion

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.                                                                                                                                                                         Philippians 4:8

We are all familiar with this law, postulated by Isaac Newton. It is a truth of physics, and we are surrounded by proof of it every day. I find it fascinating that there is such balance in nature. The very atoms that make up matter are living in an equilibrium of balance. Positive and negative forces keep the atom together. There is a positive charge in the nucleus, and the electrons surrounding that nucleus are negatively charged.

So too, I think in our attitudes, there is a positive and a negative that exist at the same time. An event that happens can be seen as a positive or a negative event. It just depends on which way we decide to look at it.

The other night, I woke up to go to the bathroom. Yes, that happens with some regularity to people of a certain age- and even often to people NOT of a certain age! At any rate, on this particular night, I had to get up twice. Upon returning to bed, I was thinking in my groggy state, (but definitely awake) that waking up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night was such a nuisance of age.

 Negative thinking.

Then I thought, yes, but what a blessing that our bodies are configured in such a way to signal us to wake up so that we can USE the bathroom.

Positive thinking.

There are many situations that, given some thought, can be seen to have a potentially positive side. Certainly not all situations by any means, but many things, which on the face of them look negative or annoying, can have that positive aspect if we look at it the right way.

Please understand, I am not always that positive guy by any means! But it is good to consider the possibilities of things that happen to us as possibly having that positive aspect.

Just a thought…

Prayer: Lord, help us to look for positives whenever possible, Amen