“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts             Isaiah 55:8-9

In the past several days, due to the medical crisis I described in yesterday’s blog, we have been inundated with promises of prayer from dear friends and family. That is very reassuring and welcomed, and no doubt effective. Yet some aspects of intercessory prayer remain mystical to me.

For example, is it better to have 100 people praying rather than just a few? Does God count the number of prayers to determine his movement on the request? Can we, by our pleading, “change God’s mind” on things? These were just some of the rumblings in my head as people were praying for our family.

The answer is, I don’t know. I do believe that God wants our prayers as a connection to him. By interceding for one another, we are showing the love toward others that he wants from his people. In my opinion, prayer changes us, not necessarily the situation. God can do what he will. He is sovereign, and his ways are higher than mine, so who am I to question?

Prayer reminds us of who we are relative to the almighty God. Going to God in prayer is a reminder that we are a people of faith, and we live by faith, not by sight.  

Prayer: Yes, Lord, I trust that you want connection with us. What an amazing thing, Amen

Life can change…just like that! As my family was returning from vacation, my healthy, athletic 48-year-old son-in-law had a stroke while driving his family home. Just like that, life has changed for my daughter and grandchildren. Fortunately, we are anticipating that he is going to have a full recovery, but it will take rehabilitation work and time.

We were struck by a fact that we know, but we tend to not really consider until it actually happens- that life can change in literally seconds. But my daughter, who has wisdom and an indomitable spirit, quickly saw the positives of what had happened- namely, had the stroke happened just a little later in the trip, there could have been disastrous results. The medical care that my son-in-law received immediately saved untold physical damage to him.

My daughter saw another positive aspect when the family received overwhelming emotional and spiritual support- immediately. Some of my readers know details about how this all happened, but many do not. I share this story to also relay another powerful reminder. While life can change in seconds, friendship, support, prayers, and encouraging notes endure.

Thanks to those readers who knew this situation and reached out to us in beautiful ways. There is still a long road to recovery, but that road was made smoother by love, prayers and the warmth of friends and family.

As many have noticed, I have not posted for the past day or two because I am on vacation! I really appreciate the support and encouragement I receive from my readers, and I would encourage you, for the next week or so, to dig into the extensive archives of www.reflectionsofacounselor.com to read some past blogs.

So, thanks for your support, and maybe you can take a little vacation as well!

Blessings,

John

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.                  Philippians 2:3-4

I have written in this space in the past about the Hippocratic Oath that physicians typically take in one form or another. The Oath has been around for many centuries, and the intent is to provide an ethical framework for those in the helping professions.

The phrase, First, Do No Harm, is actually not a part of the Hippocratic Oath, but the concept it embodies, non-maleficence, is a concept very well known to all in the helping professions. In other words, whatever you do, or don’t do, make sure that it is not harmful to the one whose care is entrusted to you. The first duty of those who are in positions of trust is to do no harm.

 Now, wouldn’t it be great if every profession were to subscribe to that simple concept? Can you imagine if media organizations were to adopt that creed? Oh, this is a good one- what if politicians were to adopt that principle? Can you imagine if politicians were prohibited from trying to do harm to their opponents? What if they were ethically prevented from name calling or slandering, or shading the truth about things?

Well, in the real world, that does not, and unfortunately will not happen, but I just wanted to consider the idea out loud. Shouldn’t we have some kind of ethical boundaries for those in elected office? We do entrust them to make good decisions when we elect them, and they do swear an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States.

Too bad they don’t swear to an ethical set of behaviors that honors and dignifies even those with whom they disagree.

Prayer: Lord, help us all to first do no harm to others, Amen

God said to Moses, “I’m going to rain bread down from the skies for you. The people will go out and gather each day’s ration.                                                                                                                                                    Exodus 16:4-5 (The Message)

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.                                                                               Isaiah 55:8-9 (KJV)

Manna. Yes, it’s a thing. Most of us are familiar with the stories in the Bible that God miraculously provided food for the wandering Israelites as they trekked through the desert on the way to the “Promised Land”. Many people are understandably skeptical of this amazing provision, but it turns out that scientists have actually identified what they believe is the food that nourished the Israelites. They call it Manna.

Actually called mann-Rimth, the Rimth shrub is the Bedouin name for the Haloxylon salicornicum. The secretions we call “manna” are also called “honeydew”, which is the product of the digestion of insects as they munch on these plants which are found all over the Middle east.

I found it quite interesting that there is a very logical potential explanation of a miracle. Can God provide things for people in ways that we cannot explain? Uh, yes. It happens all the time. I do not know the particulars of how this all happened, but the general point of what the Bible tries to say is that God is able to do things which are inexplicable to us. People actually eat manna today, and it does provide nourishment with a sweet taste like coriander seed- so the consumers say.

So, I don’t get particularly hung up on the details of how God provides. I just know that he does, and we don’t always understand it.

Prayer: Lord, you work in ways that are higher than ours, we just accept that your plans are for our good, Amen

“But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.                                                                                                                Deuteronomy 4:9

Funny how things come to us from our past- sometimes in the most unexpected ways. As I was munching the other evening on crackers and salami (yes, I know, not so nutritious), I flashed back to sitting in the kitchen, with my dad, eating saltines, topped with bologna and a dab of mustard. We called it “poor man’s hors d’oevres”.  I would listen to Cincinnati Reds baseball games on the radio with him, and sometimes we would score the game. That is, we would keep track of every at-bat, every out, every score in the game.

This flashed back with absolute clarity to me, and I am guessing I was 11 or 12 years old when we did that. This time together did not happen often, because the games usually started at 8:05 PM, and they would last until 10:30 PM or so. This was a rare occurrence because my dad had to wake up at 3 or 4AM to go to work in the bakery. Usually, he was long ago in bed when the games were being completed.

I write this because I am pretty sure that dad was not aware that he was helping to imprint on me a memory that has lasted for 60 some years. Yes, we as parents do leave indelible marks on our kids. Hopefully, there are great experiences and fond memories that are left as legacies. As the saying goes, “more is caught than taught”. Ordinary encounters can have way more meaning than we think.

The memory I shared above was not an exceptional experience. It is a fond memory, but it was a very ordinary thing. Yet look how I recall it! So, I guess the moral of the story is this- hanging out with kids and grandkids, even doing very mundane stuff, can be building memories that last a lifetime.

Happy 4^th of July to my American readers. Enjoy the day, and build some memories.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the legacies left to us. Help us to pass them on to new generations, Amen

When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him.

Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.

Job 2: 11,13

There was a movie decades ago starring Peter Sellers titled, Being There. It was vintage Peter Sellers, a veteran comic who had been in the very successful Pink Panther movie series in the 1960’s. In the movie Being There, he played a clueless gardener who was taken, because of his silence and naivete, to somehow be a brilliant, wise person.

The movie was funny, but it pointed to a larger truth. Silence, often just by itself, is golden. In the book of Job, Job was beset by calamities right and left. He refused to be shaken by it, but he was comforted, at least initially, by friends who agreed together to visit their friend Job, and just be with him.   

They were a wonderful comfort to him with their presence. Then they decided to weigh in on why he was having troubles. That is where they made their mistake. Instead of being a comfort, they became a source of irritation. They tried to judge his actions, and ascribe to those actions why God was punishing Job. They meant well, I suppose, but they had become terrible “comforters”.

When they just sat with Job and were sad and lamented with him, they were of great comfort. When they started judging, they became the problem.  

So, the lesson is- just being there for someone, not offering advice or solutions, is a great gift. Do not discount the value of “being there”.

Prayer: Help us Lord not to discount the value of just “being there” with friends, Amen

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life
  Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

I recently saw a couple in marriage counseling, and at the end of the session, I wanted to give them some added encouragement. They have been struggling for some time, and I felt that they needed an extra boost. So, I told them that I have seen, literally, multiple hundreds of couples over the years. Based upon my experience, I told them that there was every reason that we could be successful in our endeavors, and that they have worked hard and shown perseverance. I further suggested that if they continue to work the plans we have all laid out, there is no reason that the marriage could not only be restored, but that it could prosper better than they had ever imagined.

I said this because I believe it. I also said it to give them hope, because they had seen little hope over the past several years. I noticed that the wife had tears in her eyes, and then she just let them flow. She thanked me for the confidence I had in them, and for saying out loud that this marriage could be renewed, and that it could prosper like it once had.

One of the most important jobs that counselors can do is give hope. The belief that things can get better is often just the impetus needed to make that positive change happen. Without hope, people can give up, and so, to the extent that we are able, we must continue to give people hope for a better future.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us hope for a future. Help is to spread that to others, Amen.

Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment.                                                                                                                                         Proverbs 4:7

I love this from chapter four in the book of Proverbs, but I must admit that when I was a young Christian, I did not really care for it so much. Actually, I didn’t really understand it. The point was, I was early on my journey to wisdom, and being young (and less wise) I did not get it. Not that I totally get it now, but I am much farther down the road now, so at least I know how to pursue wisdom.

Essentially, wisdom is seeing the world the way God sees the world, not the way the “world” sees the world. Once we understand that the most important thing is to see the world the way God sees it, it becomes apparent that, indeed, wisdom is supreme. We need, at all costs to see the world the way God sees it, or we will miss everything.

Once we se that God’s ways are higher than our ways, that they do not always reflect basic human impulses or intuition, we can get on with submission to God’s way of thinking- wisdom.

I have listed just a few examples of the “world’s wisdom” and “True Wisdom” as I understand it:

World’s Wisdom                                                                    True Wisdom

Work to gain heaven                                                             Faith in Christ alone

Gentleness = Weakness                                                         Gentleness = Strength

Take charge of your life                                                        Give your life away

Life ends at death                                                                   Life extends beyond death

Hate your enemies                                                                  Love your enemies

Man is self sufficient                                                             We are God dependent 

Hide your faults                                                                     Confess your faults

The world evolved without a Designer         The world was created/evolved by a Designer

Look out for #1                                                                      Esteem others higher than self

Prayer: Father, your ways are higher than our ways, your thoughts higher than our thoughts. Continue to give us the wisdom to know you better, Amen

And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong                                                                                      James 3:4

I recently saw some clients in marriage counseling, and I asked them, “What is one little thing you would like to change in your relationship?” I emphasized “little thing” because I meant, a little thing- some small behavior that one of the partners would like to change in her/himself, or in the partner.

After some thought, each partner came up with a little request. They did a great job in naming a small behavior that they would like to be different. I encouraged them with this tried-and-true counseling statement – change one thing, change everything.  

What that means is, changing one small behavior has a cascading effect on the relationship. One small change means that the person is committed to a different way of connecting. One small change means that larger change is possible. One small, consistent behavior change means that everything can actually improve.

So, to change one thing, one very small thing, has big implications for growth and change!

Prayer: Lord, give us trust in small changes to make big differences, Amen