You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.                 James 3:18 (Living Bible)

One of the roles of a counselor is to help clients refute the irrational beliefs that anxiety constantly brings into their mind. I recently had a client who suffers from social anxiety who had the belief that she was not interesting enough for other people. This was one of the lies of anxiety- “you are not worthy”.

We looked into some of her past and saw that she had become adept at trying to determine emotional safety by trying to figure out what might please or displease others. She had become risk aversive, and the irrational thought that supported this was that she should avoid others because they would find her uninteresting. In short, she felt that she might get rejected.

As we work through this, she is beginning to see herself as a person of worth and value. Further, it was not her responsibility to ensure that the other person would approve of her. It is her job to be truthful and caring, not to make herself “interesting” to others. Indeed, I told her “When you show interest in others, they find you interesting!”  This client has high empathy for others, and I know that if she takes the risk of reaching out to engage others, they will find her interest in them, “interesting”.

It is so rewarding to be able to give people the assurance that they may not have had in the past. I ended by asking the client to consider that she was well worth knowing, and that people needed to see her gift of empathy in action. To her credit, she agreed to try to engage one person next week to get to know them.

She is going to do just fine in that homework.

Prayer: Lord, you have made us in your image, and worthy of respect and care, Amen

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint                                                   Jeremiah 31:25

Are you tired? Well, we all get tired, but there are different kinds of tired. What I mean is, as three-part beings, we can get tired on any, or every, level. So, w can get physically tired, emotionally tired, or spiritually tired.

Sometimes it is hard to tell what dimensions are experiencing being tired. For example, we can typically understand being physically tired. Yet there are times when being emotionally tired feels like being physically tired. That is why when we are depressed, we seem to experience having less energy, and we feel tired.

So, the remedies for each kind of “tired” are different. Of course, the remedy for being physically tired is rest or sleep. But if that rest or sleep is not replenishing, maybe we are experiencing other kinds of tired.

When we are emotionally tired, the best remedy may well be physical exercise. That may sound counterintuitive, but it works. It replenishes our brain chemicals and hormonal responses. We feel physically tired perhaps, but energized mentally.

Finally, when we are spiritually tired- have lost our zest for connection with God, or perhaps we are just irritable and distant- the remedy may well be fellowship with other people of faith. This can be refreshing and encouraging for our soul.

It is not always easy to determine what kind of “tired” we are. Just consider the fact that there are different remedies for replenishing our energy, depending on the cause.  

Prayer: Lord, refresh us when we are spiritually tired, Amen

His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God?  You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.  So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them                                                                                 Genesis 50:18-21

I spoke recently with a client who had experienced early trauma in his life. He had, as a child, a life-threatening illness that limited his opportunities to participate in many activities with his peer group. His very life was often threatened by it. He eventually developed some coping skills that allowed him to become an overcomer. I explained to my client that there are different responses to trauma in terms of outcomes later in life.

Getting adequate support and therapy is key in dealing with any traumatic event, and not all traumas are created equal, of course. However, these are the general categories I have seen in trauma response.

First, there are those who get stuck in the “victim” role. These people tend to blame their problems on circumstances or other people. They may fail to flourish in life, and they have a ready-made explanation of their failures. They become victims because they see themselves as victims. They tend to live a life that is defined by their trauma.  

Then there are the “survivors”. They have managed to live a life that is successful despite early trauma. While their life is not fully defined by the trauma, they have been limited somewhat by the events of earlier life. They may have lowered their own expectations of what they may have achieved in life, and they never quite get to the place that they had hoped in life.  

Finally, there are the “overcomers”. These people are not defined by their trauma, and in fact, they may use their own experiences to help others in life who have had similar difficulties. They have overcome stigma, physical impairments, and their own sense of self-limitation. They have overcome to the point that they have utilized the trauma to make their life better than it might have been had they never experienced the traumatic past.  

Trauma changes people in every way possible. The question is, how can we use that trauma in ways that help ourself as well as those around us?

Will we be victims, survivors, or overcomers?

Prayer: Lord, help us use our life experiences to shape our best intended destiny, Amen

For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams.                                                                                       Isaiah 44:3-4

Isaiah 44:3-4 talks about the outpouring of water on a thirsty land. The Israelites lived in a semi-arid land, where water often was scarce. People depended on the “early and latter rains” for the crops to have any chance of flourishing. Starvation was possibly one missed late season rainfall away. Water on a thirsty land was a metaphor very close to their hearts. The prophet Isaiah used this analogy to describe the effect of the Spirit of God on his people. He likened the Spirit to the life giving waters in a desert land.

What was true then in ancient Israel is true today. Water is essential for physical life, and the Spirit of God is essential for spiritual life. The Spirit of God was moving over the waters in creation, and the Spirit of God is moving in the hearts of believers. Paul said in his letter to the Corinthians that spiritual things can only be discerned with the guidance of the Holy Spirit of God. We cannot know God aside from the guidance and direction of His Spirit.

I find “dry” times in my spiritual life at times, just as the desert is dry without the life-giving waters provided by the rain. The Spirit of God is the only one who can refresh my dry spirit. Yet this Spirit, the power of creating the universe, can be quelled by my indifference, my failure to yield, my pride, my sense of entitlement. 

Think of a drink of cool water on a blistering hot day after you have been deprived of water for a while. Like that water we drank as kids from the garden hose after playing in the sun. Remember how refreshing that was?! It renewed your physical body, and you actually were revived. The Holy Spirit of God does that for our souls when we allow him to guide our thoughts and actions.

Prayer: Father, I thank you for your Spirit, whom you have placed in my heart. I know that the Spirit gives life, and it gives my soul refreshment. I will acknowledge His leading today, and I will give you the praise, Amen.

So, in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.                                   Matthew 7:12

“For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God.                                                              Galatians 2:19

I have always thought that Jesus was a “lightning rod” for public opinion and criticism. What I mean by that is, people are not really neutral about Jesus. One is forced to take a side and have an opinion when it comes to Jesus. You love his message and live it out, or you reject his message and live a self-directed life.

During his ministry, Jesus did not shy away from controversy. He challenged people in the way that they looked at God. That is, you love God by loving other people. He called out the religious leaders of the Jews and explained to them very clearly how they had missed the mark. Specifically, he did not like religious leaders who leaned into the letter of the Law to the exclusion of those for whom the Law was written.

People who rigidly favored strict interpretation of the Law over the needs of people were singled out by Jesus as examples of those who had missed the mark. Many parables of Jesus remarked about the failure of those leaders to love others. Those leaders then justified their behavior by the letter of the Law. They had failed to see why the Law was even written.

When I wrote my novels about Joseph Shepherd, I saw him as a type of Jesus. That is, when he showed up in 17^th and 19^th century history, he was treated by people as shabbily as Jesus was treated in the first century. That happened because people either loved or hated Joseph Shepherd. Eventually, Shepherd was persecuted by his contemporaries, even though he loved people, served them, and always tried to live by a moral code. Because of that, he was reviled and rejected by those who perhaps felt judged by his very presence.

So, let’s think of Jesus as the radical that he was. He challenged mainstream Judaic Law with the true fulfillment of it. Because of that, he was rejected, and ultimately crucified.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see past the barriers that stop us from showing love to others, Amen

“What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.                                                                                                                                   Luke 12:6-7

Please enjoy this blog from the past as I take a day off…

I considered several different topics for today’s blog, and I ended up, for one reason or another, rejecting them. After I had written them, they just did not seem to hit the mark. That happens sometimes, right? So, I decided to just look up the verse of the day on my Bible app, and it was Luke 12:6-7. You can’t go wrong with good old Luke, probably my favorite Gospel writer. Luke gives such a good summation of Jesus’ teachings.

 In this passage, the comfort that is expressed is so clearly obvious, yet easy to pass over sometimes. Jesus asserts that God does not forget a single sparrow. Not one! Then he states that God has numbered the very hairs on our head. (Admittedly, easier for God to do with some of us, but I digress.) He cares so much about our needs and welfare that he knows us that intimately.

We need this reminder from time to time when things around us are so altered and abnormal. Many of the landmarks that we previously used to navigate our regular routines and plans have been changed, or altered by the pandemic, political unrest, or cultural changes we cannot readily accept.

Maybe some of those landmarks were inadequate to begin with. Perhaps this is the time to rethink what those landmarks should be. Holding on to the truths that Jesus taught are good ways to feel the sense of direction that we need. Just the basics- God loves us and values us, even in the midst of the chaos we may be experiencing.

This disruption can serve as a way to find new navigation tools that really work. If we feel secure in the understanding of the most basic truths of God’s love for us, we can ultimately make sense of our changed environment and be better for it in the long run.

Prayer: Father, thank you for the simple truths which provide such comfort to us, Amen.

Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding                                                                    Proverbs 3:13

When talking with a client recently I reminded myself, once again, that the client is the expert on their own treatment plan. They come to a counselor with some specific goals, needs and requests, but ultimately, they “drive the bus”. I am an invited traveler on their journey, and I will make observations, suggestions and comments, but at the end of the day, the client drives the bus (treatment plan).

This is as it should be. I have been invited into their journey as an observer, guide, support, even as one to challenge certain decisions. But the client directs the outcome and goal of treatment. As the counselor, I am simply privileged to be a trusted partner in the journey.

That’s all for today folks, just a simple reminder for us all!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the privilege of being on the journey with my clients, Amen

Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Colossians 3:13 (Living Bible)

I recently met with a couple who have had some struggles in their marriage. Some of those hurts went far back into their lengthy marriage, and there is still some hurt evident, though healing is happening very nicely at this point. We discussed the value of intentional forgiveness- that is, making a decision to forgive, even when there is no feeling of forgiveness. In other words, there is a decision and a desire to forgive, but hurt feelings, sadness, and fear of further hurts still linger.

I suggested that when we decide to forgive a party who offends us, we have made the first and most important step- we have taken a step of obedience that God requires of us. When we meet God at this place of obedience, he then can take over and change our hearts and feelings. That is work that God can do if we let him. Choosing to forgive, which is an action after God’s own heart, is the step that frees God to act in our life.

Just because we do not feel like making a decision to forgive is understandable. Deciding to forgive because God tells us to forgive is the first step in relational healing.

Prayer: Lord, help us to follow your plan of forgiving others, Amen

“When a defiling evil spirit is expelled from someone, it drifts along through the desert looking for an oasis, some unsuspecting soul it can bedevil. When it doesn’t find anyone, it says, ‘I’ll go back to my old haunt.’ On return it finds the person spotlessly clean, but vacant. It then runs out and rounds up seven other spirits more evil than itself and they all move in, whooping it up. That person ends up far worse off than if he’d never gotten cleaned up in the first place.                                                                    Matthew 12:43-45 (The Message)

I was talking with a client the other day about her teenage daughter who admitted that she has an addiction to electronics- specifically her phone. First of all, I believe that such addictions are really a thing. Devotion to electronic media is insidious and it is clearly addictive. There is a built-in reward in the brain when the proper stimulation is provided. Media devices can provide the perfect stimulation to start an addictive process. Easy access, immediate gratification, and the initial sense of it being a benign influence all set up addiction potential easily.

Typical of all addictions, there needs to be initial abstinence before recovery can take place. Abstinence itself is not sufficient to sustain recovery, but it is necessary for the recovery to begin. Also true with recovery, it is not a journey to undertake alone. The addicted individual needs the humility to ask for help. In this case, she has caring parents who are willing to help her in the journey of recovery.

Finally, I suggested to the parents that simple abstinence will not help, because if there is nothing substituted for the addictive behavior, relapse is much more likely. I suggested that she become involved in healthy groups, sports, a part-time job or volunteer work. All such activities involve the input and cooperation with others, breaking the isolation and self-interest that electronic media feeds. I reminded them of the parable that Jesus spoke as a remedy for demonic oppression. I take that parable (cited above) to be a powerful metaphor for healing- a good principle of mental health.

Simply voiding our mind of damaging thoughts is not sufficient. We need to “fill the void” with behaviors that are positive and productive. If we do not do that, we are apt to drift back to those same damaging behaviors that gave temporary relief or pleasure.  

That is why the 12^th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is so powerful. If a person in recovery directs themselves to the care and healing of others, they ensure their own sobriety.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the recovery plans that Jesus set forth for us, Amen.

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…                                             Galatians 5:22

I wrote yesterday that there is a time for peace. In this election year in America, peace seems to be a bit distant. Social media is alive with angry memes, accusations, and forecasts of doom if the other candidate is elected.

I have come to the understanding that I am not going to convince anyone out of their current beliefs. My job is to speak the truth in love, but not to convince- that is the Holy Spirit’s job. Clearly, the Holy Spirit does a much better job than I do in changing hearts.

So, when engaging others in social media (if you feel the need to do so), remember some points.

• Do not expect to change minds.
• Speak whatever you want to say in humility and love.
• Remember that the person with whom you so clearly disagree is a person, just like you, made in the image of God
• Calling another person a name is not only ineffective, it is counterproductive
• Don’t assume that you have a corner on the truth
• Lift up the teachings of Jesus, who taught us to love those with whom we disagree.
• You can be at peace with others if you are first at peace with yourself.

These principles are simple, but they are not easy to practice. I fail at them too- keep trying.

Prayer: Lord, we submit to your lordship, not our opinions, Amen