Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things                                                                                    Philippians 4:8

“It’s all in what you are looking for”. That is what I tell my clients at times. If you are looking for reasons to see the good in someone, you can probably find it. On the other hand, if you are looking for reasons to be upset with someone, you can find that too. The question is, what will you decide to do? We have a choice in how we decide to look at others.

I am not saying to be naïve in how we interact with others. We live in a world of internet scams, phishing, and heaven knows how many other nefarious schemes out there to separate us from our money. There are plenty of bad actors in the world. But most people are not.

However, when it comes to relationships with people to whom we are close, it is a good practice to look for the best in them, not the worst. I talk to couples about ascribing best motives to their partner. Look for the best in the person you decided to trust.

You will likely find it.

Prayer: Lord, help us to extend grace to those around us, Amen

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, Philippians 2:3

I was recently talking with a client who struggles with feeling lovable. This has been a long-standing issue with her, and it was complicated by a traumatic sexual assault many years ago. She still struggles with her self-acceptance, and she has trouble seeing herself as a person of value. She felt unlovable.

She is, of course, a person of great value and worth. I pointed out to her one of the characteristics of her value in this way. She has a great desire to serve others and to give them joy. She works in various volunteer activities, and she serves home-cooked meals to families who are food insufficient. I pointed out that she performs behaviors of service, which are really good things. But beyond that, she has the desire to give others joy. That is character.

Doing good things for people is good behavior. Wanting to do good things for others is good character. I pointed out to her that she has good character, not just benevolent behaviors. She gradually saw that these are characteristics of a good and valuable person- one who is indeed lovable.

Many people struggle with feeling lovable and of value. We are of value because we are made in the image of our Creator. We display character when we desire to serve others in order for them to have joy and a sense of being loved.

Prayer: Lord, help us to love others as you us, Amen

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things                                                                                                                                                                   Philippians 4:8

What is the deadliest animal in the world in terms of human deaths caused? Is it sharks? Maybe snakes? How about scorpions or spiders? Well, you can add up all the deaths caused by all of the above animals, multiply it by a thousand or so, and you are still not close to the biggest killer.

Mosquitos.

Yes, mosquitos are responsible for about 2.7 million human deaths each year, and about 500 million mosquito borne illnesses. Yeah, they are deadly, not to mention completely annoying. But mostly those of us in the Northern Hemisphere just find them annoying. People in the Southern Hemisphere, especially children, find them to be deadly.

I was watching a documentary on NOVA (PBS) the other evening about the search for a malaria vaccine. The scientists, doctors, researchers, and human aid groups have been diligently searching for a malaria vaccine for decades, and in October, 2023, one was approved by the World Health Organization. I was captured by the reactions of the scientists.

They wept.

I write this because I saw the reactions of these heroic workers when the vaccine trials showed effectiveness. Spent of emotional energy from years of frustration, they wept and celebrated as they anticipated the millions of children, especially children in Africa, that would be spared the devastation of malaria.   

Mostly these days, we are inundated by the news of inhumane actions of evil in Ukraine, Gaza, and many other places. I can get pretty downcast by the cruel actions of humans toward other humans. But in this Christmas season, I was looking for uplifting stories. Stories of people who love their fellow man and work for the best interests of humankind.

They are all around us to be sure if we are looking. We just need to remind ourselves to look.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the loving kindness we see in others when we look, Amen

But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law…          Galatians 4:4

The Christmas season is upon us, and I do love this time of year! I sit writing this blog listening to Josh Groban Christmas music. I look out the window at 4PM EST, and it is already starting to get dark. That’s the thing about my latitude and longitude here in North America. It starts to get dark really early as we approach Christmas.  

That paves the way for an abundance of artificial lights as we decorate for the season. I strung my outdoor lights weeks ago when the weather was a bit more favorable. I lit them just before Thanksgiving- yes, I rush the season. You see at my age, I really don’t know how many more Christmases I’ll get to enjoy. I’m not trying to be maudlin or pessimistic, I am just looking at the reality of the situation. Actually, it makes me cherish every Christmas, indeed every day, more fully.

Given the contentious nature of our culture these days, the Christmas season is a brief respite of joy and hope in a suffering, and often angry world. Today also happens to be the first Sunday of Advent. This Christmas season, this Advent, take pause to cherish each day. We are counting down to Christmas Day, the birthday of Jesus. Celebrate it!

On another happy note, willkommen to my newest German readers! I am so encouraged by your presence!

Prayer: Lord, help us to cherish each day, especially as we celebrate the birth of your son, Jesus.

We felt we were doomed to die and saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good, for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us, for he can even raise the dead. II Corinthains 1:9

Often when I speak with clients, and they appear to be angry, or if I ask them how they are feeling, they may say, “I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated!” It is interesting that we would rather not identify a feeling we are having as anger- we label it as something else. I suppose it is more acceptable to be feeling frustrated than feeling angry.

I often explain to my clients that frustration is actually a combination of anger plus the perceived loss of power. So, frustration is a little more complex than just anger. It actually is somehow worse, because we also then feel unable to go about acting on the difficult situation we may be in.

Sometimes it helps if we can more clearly identify the complex feelings we are having. We can own the idea that we are angry, and we can also clarify that we also are feeling helpless at the time. Usually, we are not totally helpless. There are things that we can do so that we feel more agency in directing ourselves or regulating our emotions. Indeed, sometimes it is merely acceptance of the fact that we cannot do anything to change our current situation. However, we can decide to accept our situation, and that in itself gives us some sense of having the ability to make the decision to accept.  

This reminded me of Viktor Frankl, who famously said of his Nazi captors- “They may control everything about my situation, but they cannot control my attitude about it.”

Prayer: Lord, help us when we feel powerless, knowing that you are always in control, Amen

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.                                                  Matthew 5:48

In thinking about the words of Jesus that we should “be perfect”, like the heavenly Father, I recognize that this is an aspirational goal. Interesting that Jesus invokes this message right after he tells us to love our enemies. How in the world can we do these things?

I believe that he is saying that we need to be on the road to perfection. You know, this side of heaven, we will never be perfect. But it is important to be on that road to perfection. As long as we are taking the right road, we can get to our destination. Yes, there may be potholes, and detours, traffic jams, wrong turns, etc. But as long as we are on the right road, we will eventually get to where we want to go- as long as we persevere.

Being on that right road is following the teachings and examples of Jesus. Having humility, loving others, recognizing that without Jesus we can do none of those things- that is the road to follow.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for giving us Jesus as the guide to the right road, Amen

For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son so that anyone who believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life                                                                      John 3:16 (Living Bible)

Here it is, the day after Thanksgiving and this is the unofficial start of the Christmas season! Yes, I know, the unofficial start of Christmas season may actually start from the day after Halloween, but let’s just say that it starts today. The “official” start should be the first Sunday of Advent which is coming this Sunday.  

As many of my readers, I love the Christmas season. It celebrates the coming of God to earth in the form of his son, Jesus. This Incarnation (in the flesh) visit to the earth is an amazing indication of God’s love for his people.

We take this opportunity as a human society to make merry in so many ways. We give gifts, we sing songs, we have parties, we decorate homes, and even illuminate cities with lights. It is a festive time indeed!

Indeed, our celebrations go far beyond the humble beginnings of the arrival of the Savior of the world. Yet, I don’t get too bothered by the fact that the culture has appropriated a holy, miraculous event and made it a worldly, marketing holiday. People need to set aside a time of year to show kindness to one another, and to take some time out of hectic schedules to ensure that they connect with friends and family in a special way.

As long as we remember that the coming of Jesus is the reason for the celebration, I think we’ll be OK.

Prayer: Lord, we are grateful for the season to celebrate the incarnation of your son to a needy world, Amen

As I was thinking about a short Thanksgiving word to my readers, I was struck this morning about the decisions I make about breakfast. Do I want oatmeal, or cold cereal- maybe Cream of Wheat? Perhaps eggs and toast?

Easy and comforting decisions that I have as a person of privilege. I can decide what I want and then go to the pantry or refrigerator to prepare my breakfast.  Then I thought of the people in Gaza, Ukraine, and perhaps dozens of countries in the world where such choices would be agonizingly out of reach.

We are so blessed with food abundance- that is most of us. I am thankful for such an array of good food that I can choose from. Many people in the world do not have such luxury. So, as we prepare to feast today on delicious food, at the blessing that precedes the feast, thank God for his provision, and pray for those who do not have such options. Better yet, find a charity that helps to deal with food insufficiency and donate to it as an offering of thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving my friends!  

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I Corinthians 13:6-8

I recently had a discussion with a client about the tension between control and trust. It seems that the more control we seek, the less we trust. The more trust we have, the less need for control. When we seek to have a lot of control, it does not usually come from a position of trust- it is from a position of fear. People, religions, governments, etc. which try to exert high control seem to have little trust in the inherent nature of themselves or their mission if it must be maintained by force.

For example, during the Inquisition period, the Church would seek out “heretics” or “infidels” or “witches”, and through torture or coercion of some type, try to bring that person back into the “right beliefs” of the Church. Beginning in the 13^th Century until the early 17^th Century, such practices waxed and waned in Europe. The net effect was not only failure to control the thinking of people, it left a permanent stain on the institutional Church.

If we rely upon some type of external control, violent or subtle, in order to ensure compliance to certain beliefs, we have given up on faith and trust, and leaned into control. So, it is true in relationships as well. Partners who do not trust the other partner will try to control the other’s behavior- directly or indirectly. The result is less trust, more distance, and resentment.

We seem to naturally want to control so many things around us, but control is elusive and often selfish. Trust is the better way to maintain and enhance relationships.

Prayer: Lord, help us to trust more and try to control less, Amen

Mankind, He has told you what is good and what it is the Lord requires of you: to act justly, to love faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God.                                                    Micah 6:8

I recently saw the movie Bonhoeffer. I recommend it as a great example of the way to speak truth to power. Jesus was a perfect example of this principle. In the end, it cost Jesus his life. Bonhoeffer followed the example of Jesus and ended up being killed for his bold courage in standing up to Hitler.

The Christian example is not one of seeking power, but rather speaking truth when injustice is being perpetrated. Bonhoeffer resisted as Hitler nationalized the German Church, and Bonhoeffer founded the “Confessing Church” in Germany as a remnant of truth in a country that had given in to Hitler’s reign of terror. He spoke out against Hitler’s treatment of Jews and minorities, and it ended up costing him his life.

While the truth sets us free, it also can have a high cost.

Prayer: Lord, give us the courage to speak the truth, no matter the cost, Amen