“‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…

Matthew 6:9-10

This is, of course, a passage which has given us the most well-known prayer on earth- The Lord’s Prayer. We learn it as children, and we retain it our entire lives. It is, in fact, so ingrained in us, recited in a rote manner, that we may miss the richness of the prayer.

The sentence, “your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” sounds like a nice pleasantry that can become a bit of a catchphrase. Actually, it is the hardest thing we are called to do. We are actually being called to bring a bit of heaven down to earth by the actions we choose to do. Jesus was the embodiment of “heaven to earth”, and we are called to live that legacy out by making earth look a bit more like heaven.

Yes, we have a very long way to go on that, and no, we will never accomplish it in our tenure here. However, we have been called to not simply wait for the day we can go to heaven and all will be peace and joy. We are called to bring a measure of heaven’s peace and joy to earth. We do that by loving other people, encouraging them, helping them, grieving with them, and all other human connections that aid one another on this life’s journey.

So, the next time you recite the Lord’s Prayer, remember that he always intended for us to make earth a bit more like heaven.

Prayer: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you                                             II Corinthians 13:11

I recently talked with a client whose husband had an affair. She talked about the concepts of forgiveness and trust, and she was unsure of how she felt about how to proceed with him. She asked if forgiveness preceded trust, or if trust precedes forgiveness. I replied that forgiveness come first, because that is what she can control. She can decide to forgive him, and that it is both a one-time and daily process.

Yes, we make a decision to forgive, but we need to regularly remind ourselves of that forgiveness as thoughts and hurts come to mind, as they inevitably will. Trust is built by the offender over time. It is a difficult and often painful process, but it can be rebuilt. It is built by a long-term pattern of small promises kept, personal accountability, and transparency.

Rebuilding a marriage or relationship that has been broken by an affair is a long and hard process. Many relationships cannot weather such a trauma. The ones that do are marked by two committed persons who have decided to do some very hard work. I have seen numerous heroic couples repair a broken relationship to a point where their current state is now better than the original relationship. Unfortunately, the success rate is not as high as the failure rate.

There is hope, but it is marked with hard work, commitment, and spiritual dependence, as well as good social and family supports.

It is worth the effort.

Prayer: Thank you for the healing available in forgiveness and trust, Amen

to take a fresh breath and to let God renew your attitude and spirit.                                          Ephesians 4:23 (The Voice)

I was talking with a client recently and she talked about “coping” with certain situations. I asked if I could help her see that another word might work better. I suggested that she talk about “managing” those issues rather than coping with them. Why is that important? Well, I think words matter, and even nuances like the difference between “coping” and “managing” can mean a lot.   

The word coping tends to be a passive word, like “enduring”. While coping with problems or chronic situations can be considered a good thing, I think that it implies a certain passivity or maybe even a sense of helplessness.

Managing a situation, however, implies a sense of control. It says “There are things that I can do or that I am now doing that can help me in this situation.” Managing does not mean alleviating necessarily. It does however give a sense of power and control, even if we cannot completely change the outcome.

One does not think about saying “I am coping with my diabetes” (at least I hope not). One does say “I am managing my diabetes to keep it under better control.” The same is true with anxiety and depression. Yes, there is a sense of making peace with the idea that we need help with these conditions, but then we do the things we need to do. We manage them through therapy, medication, exercise, spiritual and social connections, and developing a support team.

The words we use to explain our situation may indicate some hidden feelings about what is happening. Thinking in terms of behaviors that we can do to better take control of the things that are causing us pain is a more helpful way to look at those things.

Prayer: Lord, give us the discernment to see that we can change the way we look at problems, Amen.

 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us…                                                             Romans 12:6

I recently listened to a podcast featuring Dr. Elizabeth Orr, speaking about the Enneagram. The Enneagram is a testing tool and explanation system that helps people understand how they view and interact with the world around them. The Enneagram has become much more popular in recent years, largely due to social media. It has become a topic of conversation by many Christians who accept this as a way of seeing how we can better understand ourselves and others.

I am no expert on the Enneagram, but I do find it interesting. One of the big advantages of such tools, like the Myers-Briggs, StrengthFinder and Enneagram, is to see them as a vehicle of self-compassion. When we can learn and accept how we are wired, and how we see the world, we can then see that as how God made us differently, but also masterfully.

We can experience and accept that our “wiring” is just how God planned us, and that no “wiring” is better than another- just different. We can also see that others perceive the world in a different way than we do.

That is a good thing to celebrate.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the diversity of gifts you have endowed us with, Amen

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,
  I will be exalted in the earth.

 Psalm 46:10

MOntana 1-6002. That was my phone number when I was growing up in Cincinnati, Ohio. That’s how we used to do it. No area code. The MO were the letters associated with numbers on the rotary phone. You see a rotary phone…

No, I will not go into the weeds with that. You either know that or you don’t. If you don’t, you missed out on some interesting times from the “wayback machine”. You see the wayback machine… Never mind.

Our understanding of phones now is light years away from the 1957 version of phones. Back then, we were on a party line. So, if Mrs. Mangold was on the phone with her friend (and when wasn’t she?) you had to wait to use the phone until she was finished with her stories. Yes, I might have listened in on a few stories, but they were not very interesting, and I was usually upset that I could not talk to my friends if she was hogging the phone line.

Today, phones are so ingrained into our lives that we are never more than an arm’s length away from one- literally. I have come to the point that if I am not otherwise occupied with something for more than a few minutes, I am reaching for the phone to scroll ESPN, or Facebook, or some other distraction because my brain is always looking for stimulation.

No, that is not progress my friends. It has become part of my routine, and it is not always the best thing to do. Because instead of just experiencing life moment by moment, relishing the peace of no distractions, I find myself looking for some kind of stimuli.  

Yes, it can be helpful when I cannot remember the name of that actor in that movie we saw a few weeks ago. I just look it up, and my memory, which is not as good as it used to be, is suddenly enhanced by the miracle of the hand-held internet.

Yes, technology is amazing, and I am not technology averse. Technology is great, as long as it does not rob us of the peace of just living in the moment with no external distractions.

Prayer: Lord, help us to experience the joy of peace in a quiet moment, Amen

 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.                                                            Ephesians 5:29-33 (The Message)

In putting together a workshop on partner counseling, I came up with a few things I will share with my readers…

I like to approach all my counseling work from a strengths-based perspective. We all have gifts and strengths from birth, and we exercise those strengths in our daily life and relationships. The very strengths and gifts which draw people to their partners are the very ones that drive each other crazy some years later. Aren’t we just a confounding creation?

We need to give hope to couples who are seeking our help. They may have lost hope for their relationship, but we as counselors can offer them hope for a better life and relationship.

Humor can deflect escalating tensions in relationships. We need to be able to laugh at our own foibles and quirks.

As much as possible, we as counselors need to affirm our clients, recognize their work, and tell them that we know the counseling process is sometimes not easy, but it is worth it.

Just some thoughts for today from a counselor’s perspective.

Prayer: Lord, give strength to relationships that are struggling at this time, Amen

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels.                                Proverbs 15:1 (Living Bible)

I was recently talking with a couple who are trying to enhance their relationship. They are a delightful couple, but both are prone to a quick temper at times. Their words to one another can become harsh and cutting. Both are bright and articulate, and both feel the need for control.

In other words, they are kind of a normal couple. They are open to changes and they are responding well to the homework I give them. I have spoken to them about a “kindness filter”. That is, we all exercise our brain’s prefrontal cortex in which we find our social filters. In social settings, we typically use the filter of determining what is a socially acceptable response. Thank God that we have such a filter, for that is what gives us social order and civility.

I challenged this couple to exercise that filter while at home with one another. I had asked them if they would treat co-workers or friends in the same manner that they treat one another at times.  Both agreed that, no, they will treat co-workers and friends with more respect and grace than they do one another at times.

They love one another, and they are committed to one another. They agreed to try using their “kindness filter” at home with one another. Yes, the idea is simple, but the execution of it is not easy. It takes self-awareness and discipline, as well as practice, to get the behavior into a habit.  What a joy it is to see this couple working hard and treating one another with the “kindness filter.”

They are not perfect at it, of course, but it is working.

Prayer: Lord, help us to be graceful in our speech to all we encounter, Amen

A right time for birth and another for death, A right time to plant and another to reap, A right time to kill and another to heal, A right time to destroy and another to construct, A right time to cry and another to laugh, A right time to lament and another to cheer, A right time to make love and another to abstain, A right time to embrace and another to part, A right time to search and another to count your losses, A right time to hold on and another to let go, A right time to rip out and another to mend, A right time to shut up and another to speak up, A right time to love and another to hate, A right time to wage war and another to make peace.                                                                                                       Ecclesiastes 3:2-8 (The Message)

I spoke with a client recently who has experienced a series of losses in the past couple of years. She has lost both parents, and now she is experiencing “empty nest” with her kids moving out of the house for college and careers.

I talked with her about grieving losses, and not just death, but any type of loss. As she is getting through the grieving, I talked with her about those losses, and the need to start looking at adding some things in her life. The losses are real and painful, and we must acknowledge them. At the same time, we need to start, at some point, looking for things to add into our life. These additions are not “replacements.” They are attempts to grow into a new season.  

I talked with her about looking into some learning opportunities as well as some safe outreaches into new social settings. The challenge is to look for some new things to stimulate us. We are made to be curious and we look for stimulation. When we have a loss, there needs to be a new infilling- a healthy addition into our lives.

These things are not replacements, they are new opportunities to grow.

Prayer: Lord, help us to find the rhythm of loss and addition that keeps us healthy, Amen

Hear my prayer, O God;
    listen to the words of my mouth.                                                                              Psalm 54:2

How often can we summarize how we pray into something like the following – “Lord help me, and Lord, change those who are causing pain and hurt”. Nothing wrong with asking God for help, and nothing wrong with praying for changes that may be helpful in the world. But such praying might also kind of miss the mark.

I was thinking the other day, what if we reversed the prayer- “Lord, help others, and change me”. I think that we essentially pray in order to have God help change our own thinking about situations. We also pray in intercession for others. We do not have control over the behavior of others, but we can ask God to help them. We can also ask God to change our own attitudes about things.

So, like so many other things in the spiritual realm, when we think somewhat contrary to our conventional considerations, we get a new perspective of how God works. So, instead of “Lord, help me and change others”, we pray “Lord, change me, and help others”.

Prayer: Lord, change me and help others, Amen

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.                                               Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

My apologies to my friends in Ireland, Sweden, Germany, Portugal, Canada and other countries around the world. First, my heartfelt thanks for being regular consumers of this blog. I appreciate you! My apologies, because I am going to speak today about American political ads.

In short, the political ads are uniformly ridiculous, divisive, and largely, at least to me, completely ineffective. That said, they will continue to be aired ad nauseum until the election in November. I am sure that I am not the only voter who is tired of such negativity. Most voters have long ago decided which candidate they will be voting for (or against), and the ads have zero effect on most voters.

Secondly, the ads seem to treat voters like they are completely unintelligent, and that said voters will be moved somehow by baseless and usually largely untrue characterizations of opposing candidates.

Finally, such negativity breaks down the sense of decency and civility that might still exist in the population. People do not generally want to be pandered to, nor do they want to be subject to the shameless spins and lies that the ads are based upon.

So, to my dear international readers- please do not judge Americans on the ads that our politicians run. If you see one, ignore it. Your life will be better if you never see another American political ad.

Prayer: Lord, help us all to remain positive in a negative environment, Amen